A Snowball Plunging Down a Mountain From Butterfly Effect by Todd Wallinger

At a cocktail party, a neurotic young barrister tries to get his wife’s help in halting a disastrous chain of events.

PHILIP AMANDA

(AMANDA steps into the kitchen. Seeing the severed phone in PHILIP's hand, AMANDA screams.) PHILIP: Do you see what you did? AMANDA: What I did? You're the one holding the— the— talking thingie! PHILIP: It's not a "talking thingie". It's called a handset. AMANDA: I don't care what it's called. I want to know why it's dismembered. PHILIP: Do you want to know why? Do you really want to know why? AMANDA: Yes, Philip. I do. PHILIP: It's that blasted butterfly effect. AMANDA: What are you talking about? PHILIP: Think about it, Amanda. I set off a disastrous chain of events when I tossed that olive. AMANDA: Philip, I really don't have time for this— PHILIP: Amanda, hear me out. AMANDA: Oh, dear. PHILIP: If you remember, it was right after I tossed the olive that Mrs. Pemberton's costume tore.

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AMANDA: That was you, not the olive. PHILIP: Do you think I go around plunging my arm down women's dresses that don't have olives in them? AMANDA: I should hope not. PHILIP: It was the unfortunate rending of Nigella's costume that prompted the Pembertons to flee. AMANDA: Can you blame them? PHILIP: I'm not saying I blame them. I'm just saying it was the inevitable result. AMANDA: Go on. PHILIP: As they drove across the bridge, the sheer weight of Mr. Pemberton's armor caused the bridge to collapse. AMANDA: That can be attributed to the canapés. PHILIP: Ah, but Mr. Pemberton wouldn't have stuffed canapés in his armor if he hadn't been in a hurry to get out of here. AMANDA: You don't know that. PHILIP: I think I do. AMANDA: Listen, Philip, I really need to— PHILIP: Uh uh uh! I'm not done. AMANDA: I was afraid of that. PHILIP: After the bridge collapsed, I came in here to call for a tow. AMANDA: Yes. So? PHILIP: So if I hadn't picked up the handset, the cord wouldn't have snapped. AMANDA: The cord must have been frayed. Surely it would have snapped sometime. PHILIP: But it didn't snap sometime. It snapped right when I needed it most. AMANDA: All right, so everything that happened was the result of one measly olive. So what?

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PHILIP: Don't you see? It's like a snowball plunging down a mountain. We've got to stop it or we're liable to be flattened. AMANDA: And how do you propose we do that? PHILIP: We've got to figure out the next thing we were going to do and do the exact opposite. AMANDA: You've got to be kidding. PHILIP: So what was the first thing you wanted to do when you saw that the phone line had been severed? AMANDA: What did I want to do? Let me see. What did I want to do? Oh, yes. Now I remember. I wanted to strangle you. PHILIP: Good. Now what's the opposite of strangling? AMANDA: I don't know. A kick to the shin? A quick blow to the head? PHILIP: Can we please stay away from acts of violence? AMANDA: Look, Philip. I'm not very good at this— PHILIP: Please, Amanda, I need you to think. AMANDA: All right, fine. I'd probably send someone to the village for help. PHILIP: Aha! Then that's the last thing we want to do. AMANDA: What? Why? PHILIP: Don't you see? If one of us walks to the village, an entirely new set of disasters could befall us. Disasters that would make our present one look like a frolic in the park. AMANDA: Such as? PHILIP: Such as? AMANDA: Yes. I'd like to know what could be the harm in going for help. PHILIP: Well, you can't expect me to come up with something right off the top of my head. AMANDA: Come on, Philip. I really need you to think.

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PHILIP: All right, fine. We could be attacked by rabid wolves. AMANDA: Philip, there haven't been any wolves in this part of Britain since the 14th century. PHILIP: A rabid hedgehog then. AMANDA: Well, we can't just sit here doing nothing. We've got to get help. PHILIP: I know, but— Wait a minute. We don't need to get help. The help can come to us. AMANDA: Exactly how many martinis have you had, Philip? PHILIP: Two. But that's beside the point. I've never thought so clearly in my life. AMANDA: That's not such a treacherously high hurdle to clear, is it?

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