Fanfiction Based On Characters From Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Series Rated MA for Language, & Sexual Situations

Behind Enemy Lines By adorablecullens Summary: International aid worker Bella Swan enters a war zone to find the man she’s loved for the last 10 years. It’s a race against time to save Edward Cullen from the depths of an appalling humanitarian crisis and get him out from behind enemy lines. Edward becomes a freedom fighter in his former homeland, so i figured it counts.

Ch 1 – Missing November 13, 2008 It had been two months, three days and 15 hours since I had heard from him. I was sitting in the National Central Bureau of Interpol in Washington, DC. It had taken a couple of hefty favors to get Interpol to entertain my request. The agent who had caught my crazy case came back into the office, a guarded look on his face. “OK, Ms Swan, here‟s what I was able to determine.” He flipped open a dossier and pulled out a handful of papers. “Edward Cullen, 28, male. Naturalized US citizen. Birth country: Arivistan. Parents: Carlisle Cullen, US diplomat and Esme Nariovski Cullen, former principal dancer of the Arivistanian National Ballet.” He looked up over the folder. “How am I doing so far?” “You‟re batting a thousand,” I said evenly. “I hear it took the US government two years to mend diplomatic relations with Arivistan after Carlisle spirited their darling principal ballerina out from under their noses and brought her to the United States,” he said with a faint smile “and with their illegitimate son, to boot.” Under different circumstances, I might have returned his smile. These were not different circumstances. I didn‟t smile. He went back to the dossier. “Edward Nariovski Cullen, born January 12, 1981 in Verisna, capital city of Arivistan. Emigrated to the United States with his parents in 1994 at the age of 13. Naturalized, became a US citizen shortly thereafter. Brilliant student, gifted musician, offered his pick of universities complete with entrance scholarships ... oh my, he‟s a smart one isn‟t he?” The agent flipped to a new sheet of paper. “Ah, here we are. He postponed his formal post-secondary education to travel in Global Youth Leadership. GYL, considered the world‟s most challenging global education and international experience program, accepts 50 students annually to travel across all seven continents in a year of academic learning, intercultural exchange and global

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service.” The agent suddenly looked up at me sharply. “I see he completed GYL in 2000. I believe that was the same year you completed the program, Ms Swan - with some of the highest commendations any student of that exclusive program has ever received.” I said nothing, only looked back at him over my glasses with a penetrating stare. It took every ounce of control I had not to look away. I wasn‟t the subject of the dossier. And it was none of his damn business that Edward and I had done GYL together. He looked at me a while longer, then gave up. “Accepted to Harvard in 2000, fast-tracked Harvard Medical School, graduated in 2005, did his residency at Massachusetts General. Received his MD in 2006, joined Medecins San Frontiers – that‟s Doctors Without Borders to us Americans - shortly thereafter. “He completed a year-long aid assignment in Uganda in April 2008. Returned to New York City, presumably to visit family. Second MSF assignment to Chad declined, mid-2008, reason unknown. Left the US in July 2008, traveling to Latvia on personal matters. Passport shows him entering Latvia‟s capital city of Riga on July 20, 2008. No re-entry into any other country as of today‟s date.” So far, the agent had only confirmed what I already knew, give or take a few dates. I hadn‟t expected anything else. But I had hoped. The agent tapped his pen on the papers in front of him before looking up. “Technically, Mr. Cullen is in violation of the Schengen Agreement since he has been in Latvia for more than 90 days without obtaining an appropriate visa.” “The Schengen Agreement, Agent ...” I peered over my glasses to read his nameplate ... “Agent Dawson, is the least of my worries at this time. My principal concern is Mr. Cullen‟s whereabouts. Because he‟s not in Riga, I can assure you of that.” The agent looked at me with one eyebrow raised. “Mr. Cullen entered Latvia on July 20 of this year, and hasn‟t surfaced since.” I started ticking off the facts one by one on my fingers. “Latvia borders the southern fringe of Arivistan – a border that is sealed, but not impenetrable. The Republic of Kartesia had begun its invasion of Arivistan on June 29, approximately three weeks prior to Mr. Cullen‟s sudden and unexplained arrival in Latvia.” The agent interrupted me, a bit shocked at where I was going with this. “See here now ... there are no US citizens in Arivistan. They were all evacuated in an orderly fashion immediately following the Kartesian invasion. The US government knew exactly how many Americans were in Arivistan and took extraordinary measures to remove them from harm‟s way. The border between Latvia and Arivistan has been sealed since the invasion began.” “I know that, Agent Dawson. I‟m not suggesting that the US government is at fault here.” I drew a deep breath and connected the last set of dots. “Arivistan is a remarkable country. Vibrant culture and an intensely proud, patriotic people. If you were a highly idealistic and principled individual who spent the first 13 years of your life there, loved it and considered it your home, might you be compelled to defend it if it were invaded by your much larger and highly aggressive neighbor?” I paused. “Even if it meant crossing a border illegally and deliberately entering a war zone?” Dawson‟s face slammed shut, all expression wiped from his features. “Any US citizen entering occupied Arivistan would be putting his or her life at extreme risk, Ms Swan. It would be the same as signing your own death warrant. Doubly so for a person who is both an ethnic Arivistanian and a US citizen.” He lowered his voice slightly. “Humanitarian groups are only now gaining limited access to the refugee camps where the ethnic Arivistanians are being held. They are all Kartesian controlled. And little better than death camps, from what we‟ve heard. You probably know more about this than I do, given where you work.

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“Ms Swan, if Edward Cullen is in occupied Arivistan, then Interpol cannot help him and neither can you. All you can do is hope that he will be identified as a US citizen and returned to US soil by one of the aid agencies on the ground before the Kartesians figure out who he is. And pray.” I looked back up, and the agent flinched at the expression on my face. Or lack thereof. “Thank you, Agent Dawson,” I said tonelessly. “I deeply appreciate you taking the time to research this matter for me and giving me the opportunity to meet with you today.” He stood up hastily, startled that I was leaving so abruptly. He handed me a copy of the dossier he had recited to me. I stuffed it in my bag – there might be details in there that I didn‟t have, details that could suggest another possible course of action. “Ms Swan,” he said as I put my hand on the door knob. I turned and looked back at him. “I‟m sorry...” His sentence trailed off, like he wanted to say something more but stopped himself. Like he was going to say “I’m sorry for your loss.” I could see it in his eyes. He, like everyone else who put the pieces of the puzzle together, thought Edward was dead somewhere in Arivistan. I did not. I nodded to him and left the office. ~~ - ~~ I got into the taxi and tossed my bag on the seat beside me. Pulled off the heavy tortoiseshell frame glasses I wore to these types of interviews – the lenses were plain glass, just a prop to make me look more sophisticated – and put them back in the case. “Union Station, please,” I said to the driver. We‟d get there in plenty of time for the 3 p.m. train back to New York City, where I lived. The express train took less than three hours to get from DC to Penn Station, and it gave me flexibility and freedom to work along the way. I couldn‟t understand why anyone flew the eastern seaboard. I spent the first hour of the trip reviewing the thin sheaf of papers Agent Dawson had given me. Not too much new in here ... I had known Edward for nearly 10 years now and been very close to him for most of that time. It was hard to come up with personal information I didn‟t already possess. Interpol had, however, included a few surprises. The first was a photocopy of his passport. That should never have come to me, a civilian with no official standing in the government, not even a blood relative. I wasn‟t sure if it was included in error, or if Jasper had more influence over Agent Dawson and his higher-ups than he‟d let on. Even in a black and white photocopy, his face was shockingly beautiful. Seeing it here, so unexpectedly, was like a punch in the gut. I had to look out the window at the landscape flying by to collect myself. When I looked back, I was in control again. I examined his face carefully, like it was any other document, but there was nothing here I didn‟t already know. The image of Edward‟s face was etched permanently in my mind, on my heart. He was a perfect blend of his parents, and of the two cultures that shared him. He wasn‟t smiling in the picture, which made him look more foreign than usual. His mother‟s blood dominated in his heavy eyebrows, his full, generous mouth, and stern expression. He looked much more American when he smiled – that was when Carlisle‟s boyish features suddenly popped out. And of course, there weren‟t many Arivistanians running around out there with green eyes and reddish hair – most of them had dark eyes and hair.

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I turned the page reluctantly and reviewed the rest of the papers. They included a detailed Interpol work-up on Edward, right down to his shoe size (eleven-and-a-half, they were correct). My eye skimmed down the page but stopped at the sight of my own name. I always showed up in any decent profile of Edward Cullen. But it was the context here that startled me. Not surprisingly, I was listed under “Closest Known Associates/Friends” – which made me feel like a criminal conspirator. My name was printed in small type there: Isabelle Marie Swan, and the nature of our affiliation (“Nationality: American. Participant in subject‟s GYL year, close friend since 1999.”). Emmett McCarty was there as well with the same notation. But no one else. That made me sad. Directly below this notation was “Sexual/Romantic Relations”. Naturally, Tanya Denali‟s name was there. The comment beside her name was grimly satisfying (“Nationality: Swiss. Participant in subject‟s GYL year, dated subject from Dec 1999 to April 2000, no further contact beyond July 2000”). Bitch. There were a handful of other women‟s names listed there. I knew them all, superficial relationships Edward had had over the years. He had told me about them – we had no secrets. It was the last entry in this same category that was the shocking one. Isabella Marie Swan: “Nationality: American. Participant in subject‟s GYL year. International development professional, fluent in Arivistanian, well studied in Arivistanian culture. Likely ongoing romantic relations since 1999.” “Is that what we‟ve been having?” I muttered to the dossier. “Ongoing romantic relations? Someone should tell Edward that.” And then I remembered that Edward was missing, and I couldn‟t share the joke with him. I could feel terror poking up into my stomach, and I shoved it back down. Terror had been my faithful companion since Edward had told me his plans to go to Arivistan this past summer. Terror had been joined by its new buddy – panic - in September. Panic had arrived on the scene when Edward had vanished after a Kartesian incursion into the area where he had been working. Two months, three days and ... I checked my watch ... going on 19 hours ago. I closed the folder and put it back into my bag. I should check my email and the feeds, see if there were any new developments in Arivistan or Kartesia in the last three hours – even if it is the middle of the night there. Instead, I curled up into a ball and turned my face toward the window. Daylight savings time was over; it was starting to get dark outside. The New England landscape was swallowed up in darkness as we thundered north toward New York City. And I remembered ...

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Ch 2 – Nesting

July 18, 1999 It was the first day, and I was terrified. My fear annoyed me. I had been looking forward to this day for eight months, ever since the smooth, silver envelope had showed up at our door by courier. That alone was enough to attract the attention of the neighbors. FedEx didn‟t come to the Swan household every day. In fact, FedEx didn‟t come to Forks, Washington, all that often. I remembered opening the envelope with trembling hands, giving myself two paper cuts in the process. My father, Charlie, had been practically dancing with excitement behind me. I had opened it and seen the first impossible line of the letter: “Congratulations. On behalf of Global Youth Leadership, it is my pleasure to offer you a position in our 1999/2000 program...” After that, everything was a blur. My parents were bursting with pride. First person ever from Forks to even make the short list for GYL, and now I had been accepted. The gruelling marathon of applications, interviews, essays and testing had paid off. I had been granted – quite literally – the opportunity of a lifetime. The whole town knew within hours. I even got a front page story in the local paper. That‟s how prestigious GYL was. And now I was here, in New York City, on the GYL campus, with 49 other young people who had received the coveted silver envelope. We were from 18 different countries ranging in age from 17 to 21. More girls than boys, I thought, surveying the room. Not that it mattered to me – my boyfriend Jacob Black and I had a committed relationship. I was not here shopping for a husband. I was here because I wanted to change the world. Presumably a lot of the other students here felt the same way. A tall, professorial-type man entered the room and called us to order. He welcomed us all and talked about what would happen in the next four weeks we would be spending in New York City. This was our “nesting” phase during which we would get to know one another, work one-on-one with our individual academic counsellors, and establish our personal goals for the program. We were introduced to the staff that would travel with us. Then we had to introduce ourselves. Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I would spend an uncomfortable amount of time in the spotlight for the next 12 months. Public speaking had never been my strength, but this was part of why we were here – to improve areas of weakness. One by one, students stood up and gave brief introductions. My new classmates were so interesting that I eventually forgot to be nervous about my turn. Some of them seemed similar to me – like Angela Weber, a shy tall girl from Ohio with academic credentials to die for. I liked her, and decided I‟d like to get to know her better. A big, athletic guy with an infectious smile and booming voice introduced himself as Emmett McCarty from upstate New York. He looked like a total jock and had a goofy manner about him that made everyone crack up. A big teddy bear. He didn‟t look like the kind of guy who would have a perfect 4.0 average – but he was. Students from Germany, Japan and Australia introduced themselves. The guy from Australia, Kyle, was gorgeous, and I heard a couple of feminine sighs behind me. I guess that was to be expected. But then it was my turn, and all my wits were focused on not falling down or making an ass of myself. “I‟m Bella Swan from Forks, Washington. That‟s the state of Washington, not the place with the White House.” I got a few smiles on that one. “I‟m 17 years old. I‟m interested in developing world issues and crisis management in a developing world context. I‟m hoping to make a career out of this, in international development, after I get my

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university education.” I rattled out my academic achievements, the conferences I‟d been invited to, the events I‟d participated in – I could list my credentials in my sleep since I had started the GYL application process. “I speak four languages fluently - English, Spanish, Kartesian ...” I could hear a murmur at that last one. It was an exotic language skill to have, but it wasn‟t my most unique. There was one Kartesian student in our group, Julia, and I gave her a little wave. She smiled back tentatively. “And fourth language is one none of you has probably heard of. I have a particular interest in the history and culture of a Baltic country called Arivistan.” I heard something clatter suddenly to the floor several rows back, and several people giggled. “So I‟m also fluent in Arivistanian. With only about a million people in Arivistan, I don‟t think I‟ll have the pleasure of speaking this beautiful language very often this year, but I‟m happy to share with you what I know of it.” The teacher leading the session seemed to smile to himself as I sat back down. I wondered briefly if I had food in my teeth or if my shirt was buttoned up wrong. But then the next person started talking – a tall, exotic-looking girl from Argentina – and I forgot about that covert little smile. After another 20 minutes, it seemed like we were all done. Now we were looking at each other differently, knowing that the people sitting around us would be our constant companions for the next 365 days. And, as we knew from GYL alumni, these would also be the closest friends we would have for the rest of our lives. GYL was a gruelling physical, mental and emotional experience, and the 50 of us would go through it together. The result would be a bond that went beyond time, distance and culture. We would be connected for life. The teacher gestured to someone at the back of the room. A chair scraped behind us, and a student sitting alone toward the back of the auditorium stood up. A low gasp spread through the females - and a couple of the guys assembled in the room. This guy wasn‟t hot. Hot didn‟t even begin to cover it. He was beautiful. He didn‟t look like he was enjoying the spotlight any more than I usually did. He had a magnificent head of reddishbrown hair that was standing straight up in all directions, like he‟d been running his hands through it the entire time we‟d been talking. His eyes were brilliant green, his expression stern under his dark eyebrows. He had a body to die for. I wondered what he looked like when he smiled. He was utterly exotic. There was no way this creature was from the United States. “My name is Edward Cullen,” he said in flawless but accented English. “I have lived here in New York City for the last five years. I was born in Europe, and lived there until I was 13 years old. I‟ve been accepted at Harvard Medical School – I‟m going to be a doctor.” Like me, he rhymed off a laundry list of accomplishments. Unlike me, his list went on for miles and included some honors I‟d never even heard of. Even though he recited it very quickly, as if he were embarrassed by his achievements, it went on for almost five minutes. “I‟m also a trained dancer and concert pianist.” After this final revelation, he sat down very abruptly. The teacher looked at him for a moment, as if he expected him to say something more. Edward glared back at him, a little frighteningly. “Thank you then, Mr. Cullen,” the teacher said after a moment of silence. “I‟m sure we‟ll all take some time over lunch to get to know each other a bit better. Before we break, let‟s review the guidelines of your behavior while you are participating in GYL ...” We moved into a lecture on what was expected of us during the program – the rules were extremely stringent. No drinking, no drugs, curfews, mature behaviour at all times. And everyone‟s favorite – no sex. An audible groan went through the group at that announcement. But it only made sense. I mean, where were we going to do it anyway? On the bus? In our host families? I don‟t think so. Intra-student relationships were permitted, but they had to be kept reasonably chaste. I thought about Jake longingly and wondered how he was doing back in Forks.

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“I don‟t need to remind you of the consequences of violating the rules,” said the teacher. “GYL is not a „three-strikes‟ kind of program. You all worked exceedingly hard to get here, and will be rewarded immeasurably for your successful participation in the program. Break the rules once, however, and you‟re on a plane home. Understood?” We all nodded. We had known about this from the first day we‟d applied for GYL, and we were ready for it. We broke for lunch then, ushered along the hallway of the main building to a large, airy cafeteria. GYL provided for our every need during our year abroad, including our food. This would be our first taste of it. I took my tray of soup and salad, and looked around the room, feeling incredibly awkward. Who would I sit with? I could see that girl from Ohio, Angela, looking freaked out, sitting alone at a table. I approached her and smiled timidly. “May I sit with you?” I asked. “Oh, would you, please?” she replied with a smile. “This is so intimidating.” I laughed and joined her. I knew we‟d get along. We spent the next 30 minutes eating and making tentative forays into friendship. As we were eating, a pretty diamond ring on her left hand caught my eye. She caught me staring and blushed. “I know,” she said, “freaky, isn‟t it? I‟m only 19. My boyfriend, Ben, proposed the night before I left. I think he was scared that I wouldn‟t come back. So he asked me to marry him. Like I would ever want anyone else other than Ben.” She rolled her eyes at the stupidity of men. I nodded sympathetically. “I have a boyfriend back home too,” I said. “His name is Jake. He would have put a ring on my hand too before I left, but I wouldn‟t let him. I‟m only 17, for crying out loud. My dad would have had a stroke. Besides, I feel the same way as you – there‟s no one here who could replace Jake.” Angela‟s eyes darted over my left shoulder and she giggled. “You‟re sure about that?” she whispered, leaning toward me. “Because that incredibly hot guy, Edward what‟s-hisname, keeps looking over here, and I don‟t think he‟s staring at me.” I could feel my face going bright red, and I resisted the urge to whip my head around to see if Angela was telling the truth. Instead, I stared intently at the surface of the cafeteria table. Angela covered her mouth and smiled. After a few minutes, I peeked up and to the left. Too soon. He was just as beautiful as I‟d remembered, and he was most definitely staring right at me. I sat there, trapped in his intense gaze for a moment. Then someone tapped Edward on the shoulder and started talking to him. It was that big guy from New York State, Emmett. Edward pulled his eyes away from mine and answered Emmett‟s question. I turned back to Angela. “Jake who?” she asked teasingly. ~~ - ~~ The four weeks of nesting were intense. And - after I‟d overcome my initial shyness and a big bout of homesickness and missing Jake – wonderful. There was nothing to compare it to. All of us were extraordinarily gifted students – we wouldn‟t be here if we weren‟t. But as a result, we had spent most of our lives on the outside looking in. Some of us had been accelerated in school, which meant we had been the youngest and smallest all our lives. Sure, most of us had been involved in mock UN sessions, represented our schools at international debating championships and performed in plays and orchestras. You couldn‟t get into GYL if you were socially inept. We weren‟t acned geeks with tape on our glasses. But there had always been a sense that we were “other” – we had never quite fit in. This is where we belonged.

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For the first two weeks, we worked. And planned. And talked – God, how we talked. We were learning junkies, and the first thing we wanted to do was learn about each other. In the halls, at lunch, in our dorms at night … we were always together, always talking. The one person I didn‟t spend much time talking to was Edward Cullen. He wasn‟t the talkative type in the first place, but that was fine – neither was I. And we were in different streams of the program; my area of primary interest was international development, and his were medicine and the arts. Occasionally we overlapped, but not often. But that didn‟t prevent us from looking at each other. Which we did a lot for some unexplained reason. I was hypnotized by his face. But whenever we had a chance to talk, we tended to crawl back into our shells and make small talk. In the third week, we started leveraging the fact that we were in NYC. Museums. Art galleries. The Stock Exchange. Doors opened for GYL that didn‟t open for the general public. One of those happened to be the door to the UN. We got an extensive backstage tour of the UN building, after which we were going to a meet-and-greet with some of the ambassadors in session today. As we walked down the halls, a handsome blond man with a wide friendly smile came up to us. He spoke briefly to the staff member leading us, and then turned to Edward. “Hello, Edward. Come to visit me at work, have you?” “Hi Dad,” said Edward with an embarrassed smile. He gave his father a warm hug, half turned to the group and gestured to his father. “This is my dad, Carlisle Cullen. He works here.” Carlisle smiled at all of us (sending a couple of the girls into swoons) and then turned back to walk with his son, the two of them conversing in low voices. At one point in the conversation, Carlisle‟s gaze came up and landed on mine. My heart jumped a little bit – surely they weren‟t talking about me, were they? “At least you know where he gets his good looks from,” murmured Angela in my ear. We giggled and walked into the room where we would be meeting members of the diplomatic corps. The next hour was all questions and answers about careers in diplomacy and world affairs. Late in the session, the door opened, and an older gentleman walked in. He had white hair and dark, hawk-like features. I recognized him immediately – this was Urmet Suitsu, the Arivistanian ambassador to the UN. Until now, I‟d only ever seen his picture in books and newspapers. He apologized to us for being late, and then spoke briefly about his experiences as a diplomat. At the end of the session, though, he begged our professor‟s indulgence for a few more minutes. “They tell me there is a lovely young American girl here who speaks my language,” he said with a debonair smile. I went scarlet on the spot. “Ms Swan?” he asked. “Es esmu gandarīta, lai sasniegtu jums.” (It is a pleasure to meet you.) “Tas ir gods, vēstnieks,” I managed. “Esmu apbrīnotājs no jums.” (The honor is mine, Ambassador. I am an admirer of yours.) “Ah, clever, beautiful and silver-tongued,” said the ambassador with a smile. I immediately wanted to floor to open up and swallow me. But thankfully, Ambassador Suitsu had moved on to another target. “And where is my young countryman? Edward? Don‟t bother to hide at the back; Carlisle told me you were here. How are you? It has been too long since I have graced your mother‟s home.” I felt rooted to the spot. Had I misunderstood? Had I just heard what I thought I‟d heard? “Es esmu šeit, vēstnieks,” said Edward, his voice flooding my ears with its beauty. “Tā vienmēr ir labi redzēt Jūs, mans draugs. Es savu saistībā ar manu māti.” (I am here, Ambassador. It is always good to see you, my friend. I will give your regards to my mother.)

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Edward was speaking Arivistanian. Flawless, unaccented, perfect Arivistanian. Edward was Arivistanian. Their conversation went on for a few more minutes, then the ambassador took his leave, shaking my hand and embracing Edward before he departed. As our teacher wrapped up, I shot my eyes over to Edward accusingly. He looked at me for a moment, then gave a tiny shrug and a smile. “Busted,” I mouthed at him. The little smile turned into a huge grin that made my knees weak. That was the day Edward Cullen and I became friends. ~~ - ~~ “Why didn‟t you tell me?” I asked Edward on the bus on the way back to campus. It was a foregone conclusion for both of us that we would sit together. I was sitting sideways, curled against the back of the seat. “You aren‟t ashamed of who you are.” It was a statement, not a question. “No, of course not,” he said. “Part of the reason I don‟t tell people right away is that I have so much pride in being Arivistanian. My pride will be downfall one day." He paused. “But here, in America, most people do not know my country. When I was younger, the blank looks I got when I told people I was born in Arivistan … bothered me. So now I wait and only tell the people I feel most comfortable with.” “But … you knew I would not react that way,” I said, still feeling a bit put out that he didn‟t tell me. He smiled, and a little pink blush crept up his cheeks. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any handsomer. “Yes, I knew this. But I guess I was just a little … shy. You know?” Yes, I knew. I bit my lip and nodded. He smiled again. “Now, we have no reason to be shy. So now, we will speak in Arivistanian.” He switched languages smoothly. “Tell me how a lovely girl from Washington State has learned to speak the language of my country.” Oh shit, Bella, look intelligent! Don’t think about the fact that he just called you lovely! “It was not easy,” I replied in Arivistanian, stumbling a little over the tense. “They didn‟t offer it in my high school for some reason.” He laughed out loud at that, making it even harder for me to concentrate on what I was saying. “So I learned the written language first from books, teaching myself. And then I got an Arivistanian tutor in a nearby city who taught me to speak.” “This explains why your accent is so dreadful,” Edward said, making a face. My mortification must have showed in my expression, and he looked puzzled. “It is a truthful criticism. I say it only to help you understand where you must improve. Do not worry, I will teach you.” My heart, which was down in my toes over his words, soared back up at the prospect of private Arivistanian lessons from a native speaker who also happened to be gorgeous. Jake, Jake – remember him? “It would be … wonderful … to learn from you,” I managed. “Do you speak only the formal version of the language, or do you also speak the vernacular?” he asked. A moment later, he spoke again, but this time, I only understood about half the words. I shook my head, intrigued. “Ah, then I will enjoy teaching you this part of the language. It is the fun part,” he said with a mischievous grin, moving back to the formal language “the part with all the dirty words in it.” He spent the rest of the trip back to the campus teaching me the basics of swearing in Arivistanian. “Be careful with those words around the Kartesian girl,” he warned me. “There are a lot of similarities between the two languages, and I don‟t want to be accused of corrupting you.” ~~ - ~~

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We sat together at dinner, earning a few jealous glances from some of Edward‟s more persistent admirers. I ignored them. “You lived in Arivistan under the original Kartesian occupation, did you not?” I asked, counting back the years. “When you were a small child?” “Yes, until I was nine. The 19 years that Kartesia occupied my country were very difficult for our nation. We are very proud and patriotic – the Kartesians did not find us cooperative.” I rolled my eyes at that understatement. The Kartesian occupation of Arivistan had been a bloody, costly one, with the Arivistanians never bending to the conquering state. The subsequent revolution that had won Arivistan its freedom was an astounding victory that had catapulted the little nation on to the world stage. I could remember watching the television as a child, seeing the people celebrating in the streets at being a free nation once again. “It is the reason my mother stayed in Arivistan with me, even though my father begged her to come to safety with him to the United States,” Edward continued. “She would not leave our country, not while it was occupied by the Kartesians. She felt it was her duty to help keep the culture of Arivistan alive during its darkest years. Once we were free of Kartesian rule, she danced her final performances with the ballet and then came to New York with me.” He smiled, remembering. “They married the day after we arrived, a very simple wedding in our home. I was my father‟s best man. I didn‟t understand much of what was going on, but I knew that my mother and father were happy. And so I was too.” I imagined Edward as a gawky 13-year-old, standing up at his parents‟ wedding, finally able to see his parents united in love and safety after so many years of uncertainty. The story he had just told me and the image it provoked, touched me greatly. As was so often the case since we had come to GYL, I felt my eyes fill with tears. We were always tired, always being pushed to the limit … and always crying. Suddenly, I felt a cool, gentle fingertip wipe away the tear that had escaped and run down my cheek. “What have I said to make you cry?” he asked softly, reverting to Arivistanian again. It made the question feel very … intimate. “It is a happy ending to a difficult story,” I said, looking up at him. “It moved me.” He smiled. “That is very American of you. And very much like a woman.” I gave him a light smack on the side of the head for that, and he grinned unrepentantly. “I hold traditional values about many things,” he warned me, “including women.” “I find this hard to believe after five years in Manhattan,” I said sarcastically. He immediately corrected my grammar, and we spent the rest of the meal discussing the finer points of Arivistanian grammar. And the rest of the time we had until curfew talking on the floor in the hallway outside my dorm. After he left me to return to his dorm, I flipped on my laptop to check emails. There were three from Jake, each one making me feel guiltier than the last. What do you have to feel guilty about? You spent the day talking to one of your classmates. You share a common language with Edward – and nothing else. So just chill. With that, I managed to rationalize away the guilt. And the attraction. And the bizarre, overwhelming sense of connection I had to someone so foreign, so alien … that I knew this would end in heartbreak for me.

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Ch 3 – First Semester

August 31, 2008 “Change it to spades. Bella, would you have sex with me?” asked Emmett. “Spades – hah! Queen of spades, pick up five,” I said. We were in the coach on the road between Philadelphia and Washington DC, playing a game of Crazy Eights to pass the time. The huge luxury coach, with its tinted windows, was the only place where we had complete privacy and freedom to be ourselves. Inside the rules, of course. “Sex with you … right here on the cards?” “No, you dope,” said Emmett, playing his turn. “It‟s a hypothetical question. Would you have sex with me?” “But I‟m dating someone,” I protested. “Change it to diamonds.” “Bitch,” he said, picking up. “Bella, it‟s a hypothetical. If you weren‟t dating someone and we weren‟t on this crazy program with its draconian rules, would you have sex with me? Say we met in a bar.” “Hmmm … probably not,” I said. “Last card, by the way. I love you to death, Emmett, and you‟re cute, but you and I were meant to be friends.” I lowered my voice. “Besides … I don‟t … you know …” Emmett dropped half of his cards in excitement. “You‟re a virgin?” he hissed. I blushed and nodded. “Bloody hell. That is unbelievably hot. I didn‟t think there were any virgins left in the country, let alone beautiful ones like you.” He put his cards back in order and played. “I win,” I said, putting down my final card, which was an eight. “And I‟m only 17, Emmett. I‟m sure there are lots of virgins left in America. Unless you‟ve managed to deflower every one of them except me.” Emmett shuffled the cards and dealt a new hand. “No, but I‟ve done my share,” he said with a leer. “Does Ed-vvvvvard know that you‟re a virgin?” Emmett asked. And then groaned when he saw the good humor vanish from my face and my expression slam shut. “Oh no, Bella, not again! You guys were fine this morning, for God‟s sake.” “We were fine until the last rest stop,” I said between clenched teeth. “When he felt compelled to point out that I have the manners of a pig when I eat.” “Jesus, Bella. You two should publish a schedule of when you‟re friends and when you hate each other. It would really help the rest of us. Or better still, just stay away from each other – you are toxic, absolutely toxic, together.” He was so wrong. He was so right. We were six weeks into our year, and having the time of our lives. After Washington DC, we had only Atlanta left to go in this leg of our US tour. Then we were flying to Africa, with cities in Senegal, South Africa, Tanzania, Kenya, Egypt and Morocco. I was over the moon with excitement. Life was absolutely perfect. Or it would be, if it were not for Edward Cullen. He made me so angry! And it would seem that I did the same to him.

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Our incredibly promising start as friends had collapsed within hours. During our first language lesson, his hypercritical attitude started to get under my skin. The more he pissed me off, the more defensive I got. The more defensive I got, the more he would pick. And then … “Fuck, Edward, stop riding me! I will figure this structure out, but you‟ve got to give me a fucking chance to get it right. Get off my ass already!” The profanity exploded out of me – I don‟t even know where it came from. Edward stared in surprise at my outburst. His face went dark. “Your language is disgusting. You speak as an uncivilized child, not as a woman. This behavior is unacceptable.” A red haze came over my vision, and the rage must have shown because Edward‟s expression immediately became wary. He took a couple of quick steps backward. Like he thought I might strike him. “I speak as I please,” I hissed in Arivistanian. “It is not your place to judge me. This is not a backward society where women are treated as subordinates. This is America – not Arivistan.” Black anger flared up in his eyes at the implied snub to his country. He spat something at me in the vernacular. “And I see that your language is no less disgusting than mine,” I sneered triumphantly. I didn‟t know for sure that he had cursed at me, but my instincts were right. “It is different for a man,” he snapped back. I gave him a look of utter contempt, picked up my books and stalked away. I was so angry that I cried for an hour in the dorm after that first fight. We avoided each other for a few days, then were forced back together by some group activity. He gave me a long, confused stare. And then, inexplicably, the anger in his eyes faded, and he smiled his crooked smile and held his arms out for a hug. I flew into his embrace, forgiving him. And we were good for another few days. Until the next fight. And so it went. It was insane. Immature. Exhausting. And neither of us was able to let go. Let go of each other. And so here we were, sweeping down the Interstate on our way to Washington DC. Me, playing cards and talking about sex with Emmett McCarty at the front of the coach. And Edward, curled up at the back of the coach asleep beside Tanya Denali, the Swiss Miss. I disliked her intensely. When we reached DC, we unloaded and met our host families. Staying in host families was an integral part of the GYL program. There was no better way to learn about a community than by staying within it. The families who took us in were carefully screened and selected by GYL to enhance our learning experience. We each stayed alone with our host families, so that we remained outwardly focused. My host “dad” was a lobbyist, and my “mom” was a White House aide. They were just the kind of people I enjoyed talking to, and we stayed up far into the night, discussing foreign aid and whether America was becoming a welfare state. By the time I got undressed, I was exhausted, but I wanted to bring my journal up to date. I opened it up, reviewed the last couple weeks of entries, and frowned. It seemed like all I‟d written about for the last 10 days or so was … Edward. I read through some of my comments. He’s driving me nuts … I’d like to strangle him. I don’t understand why he’s so critical and cruel to me sometimes. What is it about me that sets him off so? I hate him so much. I just want him to like me.

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I had been accepted into the most prestigious global education program in the world … and all I could do was whine about a hot guy with a bad attitude? This was embarrassing. Things needed to change … fast. ~~ - ~~ I took a big step backward. It was the right thing to do. I stopped obsessing about Edward, and started focusing on my work more. I made some new friends in the class. I had a very aggressive learning schedule for Africa – a key region for international development – and I needed to do a lot of prep work. Edward‟s absence created … an emptiness … in my heart. An emptiness that I filled with work. I retreated. He retreated. The fighting stopped. Productivity increased. But the emptiness remained. ~~ - ~~ Africa. It was … beyond words for me. I hit the ground running in Senegal, spending the week with an aid agency that specialized in relief work. On my first day, I was assigned to a junior aid worker for “mentoring purposes.” He looked me up and down as I walked in and decided I didn‟t need much mentoring. “Jasper Whitlock,” he said with a sunny smile. He had golden hair and a sweet face. “Heads up,” he said, tossing me a bottle of SPF 50 and a Senegalese cotton wrap. “Go cover yourself in sun screen and put that garment on. Do you have a strong stomach?” “I guess we‟ll find out, won‟t we?” I said, heading into the rancid bathroom to change. “I like you already,” he shouted after me. The Jeep ride through the capital city of Dakar was enough to make me lose my breakfast. We zoomed in and out of chaos, the streets filled with holes, livestock, all manner of wheeled vehicles and pedestrians. There were no traffic laws, except to lay on the horn as you approached an intersection. Having a Jeep won us the right of way in a lot of battles. As we drove (and I white knuckled the door handle) Jasper briefed me on the situation they were entering. “Our organization, Crisis International, has been working in Dakar for the last month or so following a massive flood that destroyed several neighborhoods on the outskirts of the city. About 25,000 people were displaced, with about 2,000 of them still living in tents and temporary shelters. We‟ve got the majority of the situation under control, but the area I‟m taking you to today is a recently created one, in the initial stages of crisis. “In this area, we‟ve got every problem you‟d expect in a situation like this – lack of sanitary facilities, unsafe housing conditions, garbage piling up, increased risk of malaria and a few case of cholera. Today, I‟m checking in on half a dozen families that we moved to more secure shelters last week. Then we‟re going to do a reconnaissance of the area to see how the human waste problem is doing. Don‟t worry, you don‟t have to dig any latrines.” He rounded a corner, heading toward the outskirts of the city. “Better roll up your window. The smell is pretty bad.” I vomited as soon as I stepped out of the Jeep. The stench was beyond belief. “You‟ll get used to it,” said Jasper kindly, rubbing my back as I retched up the last of my food. “Here, put some menthol salve under your nose, it helps.” The stinging smell of the menthol helped a great deal, and after rinsing my mouth out with bottled water, I was ready to try again. “You‟re a gutsy one,” he said in admiration. “I brought a paid

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intern to a flooded slum once, and he puked too. But then he crawled back into the Jeep and insisted I take him back to the hotel. Got on a plane and went back from whence he came – never saw him again. Now you, you‟ve got what it takes.” I spent the day walking through muddy streets with human sewage running down the gutters. Garbage heaped the area – a conflict between the waste removal company and the government, it seemed. Half-naked children flocked around me and Jasper, fascinated by our pale skins. Despite the sanitation nightmare around them, families still seemed to be going on with their lives. “Some of these families have never had habitat security,” said Jasper when I asked him about it. “This is their reality. It staggers the mind when you compare it to the excesses of the developed world.” He looked at me with a sharp eye. “How would you change this, if you had control over the funds? What steps would you take?” We spent the next two hours talking through ideas, debating. When I returned to our hotel (for security purposes, we were in hotels for our African stay), I was filthy, stinking and inspired. ~~ - ~~ “You did good work here, Bella,” said Jasper on my last day in Dakar. “I hope you know that. You touched some lives.” “Not enough,” I replied. “It‟s always like that in our line of work,” he said gently. “There are always more who need help than we have resources. You learn to find the small victories where you can.” He handed me his business card and an envelope. “My card and a recommendation I‟ve done for you.” “You didn‟t need to do that, Jasper … it has been my privilege to work with you.” I could feel a lump in my throat building up and I swallowed it down. “I can‟t tell you what the last week has meant to me.” “You don‟t have to … I already know,” he said with a smile. “Finish your GYL year. Get your degree. Pick up another language, something more practical for the field, like French. And then come find me again. I‟d hire you in a second. Hopefully, I'll be running the joint by then.” He leaned down and gave me a hard hug. “You can‟t change the world, Bella. But you can make a meaningful difference in the lives of some of its occupants. You can‟t ask for more out of a career.” I nodded and stepped back. “Thank you,” I said through a haze of tears. He shook my hand one more time, and got into his Jeep. And then he was gone. I walked back into the hotel, filthy and emotional. Naturally, the first person I ran into was Edward. He glanced at me, did a double-take and caught my hand. “What is it?” he asked, looking at my face closely. “I just had a really big week in the field,” I said, trying not to cry in front of him. “I would like to hear about it,” he said. “But first, maybe, you shower. Because you stink.” He was right, of course – I did stink. I had been walking around in human excrement all day. But hearing it come out of his mouth that way stung me. “Thanks, but no thanks,” I said curtly, twisting out of his hand and heading for the elevator. In the mirror beside the lift, I could see his hurt and astonished expression looking back at me. For a moment, I was tempted to apologize. Instead, I got on the elevator and looked away so that I didn‟t have to look at him while the doors closed. And so he couldn‟t see the tears running down my face. ~~ - ~~

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South Africa, Tanzania and Kenya were equally mind-blowing for me. In each country, I had a chance to work with a different development agency. And while none of my mentors held a candle to Jasper Whitlock, all of them did their best to satisfy my insatiable thirst for knowledge. And it wasn‟t all work. We basked on the beaches in South Africa and Kenya, and went on a safari in Tanzania. I spent a lot of time with a new friend, Gerhard Weidemann, from Germany. He was on a commerce stream, but had a secondary interest in international development, so our paths crossed frequently. He was a sweet, scholarly guy with a quirky sense of humor. Best of all, he was gay. He was safe – gentle, constant, never arguing, always loving. ~~ - ~~ We were through Morocco and into Spain before we knew it. After the grueling six-week stint in Africa, we were ready to relax and have a little fun. Suddenly the staff had their hands full keeping us in check. Our second last night in Barcelona was a private special event for us. We were all ferried to a cozy tapas bar – everyone was laughing and talking, excited to be out for the night. After a few minutes in the restaurant, we realized tonight was a little different than our usual nights out. First, we had the place to ourselves. And second, the waiters were pouring wine … for everyone. We looked around nervously, not sure if we were permitted to drink. “Salud,” said one of our staff members, toasting the room. Everyone sat there, frozen. “Well, come on then,” he said with a grin. “You‟ve worked hard, behaved well and you deserve a night to relax. We‟re in Europe, and we can bend the rules a little. Just don‟t go overboard, OK guys? Instant mayhem. At 17, I wasn‟t much of a drinker. I figured keeping it to two or three glasses of wine would be a safe limit. Which it might have been, if the glasses hadn‟t been so … big. Two glasses later, I was buzzed. I got up from the rowdy game of Truth or Dare at my table and went to the restroom. On the way back, I saw Edward laughing with Emmett, who was just getting up from the table. I changed directions and came up behind Edward, leaning over his shoulder. “Hi,” I said in his ear with a little giggle. He turned around with his wide, gorgeous grin. “Want to go for a walk together?” Edward looked at me for a moment, then nodded. We slipped out the back door into the fall night. It happened so fast. The minute we were out from underneath the eyes of our classmates, Edward gave me a quick pull, and I was up against him, pushing him back against the restaurant. And then we attacked each other. His mouth instantly opened against mine, our tongues wrapping around one another. I plunged my hands into his glorious hair, dragging my fingers through it, the way I‟d longed to since the first time I‟d laid eyes on him. He moaned, sending every nerve in my body into overdrive. My body ignited at his touch, and suddenly I couldn‟t get enough of him. My hands went down his back to his hips, grabbed his belt loops and pulled him hard against me. I could feel his erection straining in his jeans, and the feel of it there drove me mad with desire. A part of my mind was screaming at me for attention, asking what the hell I was doing. I had never engaged in anything other than kissing and some over-the-clothes petting. Not to mention I had a boyfriend at home. But in that moment, I knew I would do anything – anything – to have this man. Edward gasped as I ground against him, and he reached up to run his hands over my breasts. I caught my breath as he rubbed his fingertips against my nipples, and then cried out as he pinched them roughly.

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“Bella,” he growled into my ear. “I want you so bad, right here, right now. I need you.” He frantically tore open my jeans, and reached down, diving straight into my underwear. I stopped breathing as his cold fingers slid across my folds. I was wet, wetter than I‟d ever been in my life, dripping wet. “Oh, mana mīla, you need me too, don‟t you? I can tell.” He dipped his long, talented fingers into me and started stroking me from top to bottom. My knees were shaking, and I was sucking and licking down his neck and back up again. I had never felt this way before – never done this before. I could feel the pressure in my abdomen building, building toward something I had never experienced but could only be one thing. In that second, someone grabbed me from behind and yanked me away from Edward. I screamed, half in terror and half in ecstasy as his fingers scraped roughly over my clit on its way out of my pants. A strong hand pushed me back, and a low voice said, “Do up your pants, Bella.” Then the person rounded on Edward. It was Emmett. “Have you lost your mind?” he said furiously. “The entire room saw you two come out here together, including staff. How long do you think before they come out to investigate? Is this how you want your year to end?” Edward flattened against the wall, panting, his erection still bulging in his jeans. Emmett looked down at Edward‟s crotch and then smacked him, hard, across the face with his open palm. I shrieked. “You‟re a pig, Cullen,” he said in a low voice. “She‟s drunk, she‟s 17 and she‟s a virgin. Is this how you think her first time should be – a fast fuck against the wall outside a restaurant in Barcelona with her jeans around her knees? You two can‟t spend 10 minutes together without arguing … and you somehow think screwing will improve the situation?” In a split second, Edward‟s face went from cold rage at being slapped to utter horror as he listening to Emmett. “I didn‟t know,” he gasped. “I am sorry.” His glance flicked over to mine for a second, and then Emmett shoved him toward the door to the restaurant. Edward vanished, and I was left trembling and aching with desire in a cold parking lot. “I can‟t believe you did that! You had no right …” Emmett covered my mouth with his big hand. “I‟m sorry if I embarrassed you,” he said. “But that needed to stop. It was dangerous, and it was wrong. You‟ve had too much to drink, and I won‟t see you taken advantage of by anyone, even my best friend.” He removed his hand and I stared at him. “And I love you both too much to see you get sent home. Now take my arm and slap a happy smile on that face. We‟re going back in, and everyone‟s going to think that nothing happened, right?” I nodded dumbly, and manufactured a smile. Together, we went back into the restaurant. ~~ - ~~ The next day was the worst. I had a raging headache and a guilty conscience for what I had just done to Jake and myself. It was the alcohol, I said to myself. But now I knew I was lying to myself. Just thinking about what Edward and I had done last night sent moisture pooling between my thighs. The genie was out of the bottle, and I had no idea how to put it back in. As soon as I arrived in the morning, I went straight to Edward. He looked at me with uneasiness as I marched over. “I‟m sorry for what happened last night,” I said in a low voice so no one else could hear. “It was entirely inappropriate, and I take full responsibility.” He looked at me for a moment, and stuck his hands in his pockets.

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“Please do not apologize,” he said with a false grin. “It was nothing. It meant nothing. A mistake. Let‟s just forget it ever happened, yes?” I didn‟t think it was possible for him to hurt me any more than he already had, but he did at that moment. I felt my face flush, and I needed to get away from him before I started to cry. “Yeah, let‟s forget it,” I mumbled, and walked away to hide my tears. ~~ - ~~ I spent the next couple of weeks with Gerhard and Angela. They were safe people to be with. I stayed away from Edward, and tried desperately to put the feel of his mouth on mine out of my head. As we travelled through France and Belgium, I rode on the coach with Gerhard, wrapped up in his comfortable, nonthreatening embrace. I even met his parents when we entered Germany, taking supper in their home. Both of us were amused by his parents‟ assumption that we were a couple. “You haven‟t told them you‟re gay yet?” I whispered when we were alone. “No. And they don‟t want to believe what their eyes tell them. It is a goal for me to talk to them about my sexuality by the end of the program. Of course, you are giving them all kinds of false hope,” he said with a smile, his arms wrapped snugly around me. We giggled. ~~ - ~~ Gerhard took a couple of cities away from GYL during the second week of our German visit to spend time with family. I found myself riding the coach alone on the trip from Munich to Berlin. We had a late arrival into Berlin, and I drifted off to sleep in the late afternoon. When I woke up, it was dark. And I wasn‟t alone. Somewhere in the last hour or two, Edward had joined me. My body had instinctively gravitated to him. I was in his arms, my head on his shoulder, the two of us slumped down in the seat. Our legs were tangled up together. He was sleeping, his nose inches from mine. Reason deserted me. I leaned forward and kissed his lips. He didn‟t respond. I did it again, gently sweeping my tongue across the edge of his upper lip. With a sigh, Edward‟s hand came up behind my head and held it steady while my mouth opened like a flower under his. There was nothing wild or urgent about this kiss. It was slow and sweet and lasted for a long time. The German countryside unwound outside the window as the two of us lay there and made out in the darkness. And this time, we were stone cold sober - no alcohol to blame it on. Eventually, his lips moved from mine and started kissing down my jaw and up my neck. He reached my ear, his breathing ragged and warm. Then he started to whisper in the vernacular, knowing full well I could understand only bits of what he was saying. “Bella,” he breathed. “You are … wanted you … first day … don‟t understand why … leave him … mine.” I dropped open-mouthed kisses along his cheekbone on my way to his ear. “Tell me what you just said … please,” I begged him. He pulled back, tracing his finger along my lips. “I praise your beauty,” he said simply, then captured my lips in his again. I knew he was lying, and I didn‟t care. ~~ - ~~

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Like last time, the next day was a disaster. Edward avoided me like the plague throughout the reminder of our German tour and into Poland. It was December, and Gerhard and I were having a little Christmas celebration in our coach seats. I had Christmas music on my CD player, and we were sharing earphones. I was wearing a Santa hat, and he had brought candy canes. It was a nice morning, and it felt good to be happy again. At some point I turned around in our seat, probably to answer a shouted question from behind. My eyes swept the coach. Sitting two seats back, were Edward and Tanya Denali, the beautiful bitchy blonde from Switzerland. And they were making out. I turned around abruptly. Gerhard looked in alarm at my expression, then sat up, looking back to see what had affected me so. He saw Edward and Tanya playing tonsil hockey, then looked back down at me, stiff and frozen beside him. “You did not know?” he asked tentatively, taking my hand. I shook my head. “They have been together for a while. Since Belgium, I think.” That hit me even harder … he had been dating her since Belgium? That was three weeks ago – before that sweetness on the bus that night. I rode the rest of the way in numb silence, wrapped in Gerhard‟s arms. ~~ - ~~ Christmas break couldn‟t come fast enough for me. My parents had bought me a ticket home to Forks as a surprise present so that they could see me. I was absolutely miserable. I stayed away from Edward and Tanya – there was no point in hurting myself any further. Admittedly, our two-week visit to Kartesia excited me … it was the chance of a lifetime to visit there, and as one of the only Kartesian speakers in the class, I would be a popular asset for the next while. I had another aggressive learning plan laid out for this country, mostly language based. I was thrilled to have the distraction. As we prepped one afternoon in Finland, in the last city before Kartesia, one of our staff did daily announcements. She droned on with the usual stuff until the end. “As you know, we leave for Kartesia in three days. Due to visa issues, Edward Cullen will not be joining us there. He will travel out of Finland to start Christmas early with his extended family in Arivistan. He‟ll rejoin us when we reconvene in Japan. Make sure you say goodbye to him before we leave Finland. He‟ll be taking Tanya Denali home with him to meet the family … ” the room filled with good-natured catcalls “… so make sure to wish her a good holiday as well in the next few days.” Edward was taking Tanya to Arivistan. I left the room, went down the hall to the bathroom and threw up. ~~ - ~~ I didn‟t say goodbye to Edward or Tanya before we left Finland. More than once, I caught him staring at me with a look of utter frustration on his face. But when he tried to speak to me, I simply shook my head and walked away. Later that day, my cell phone chirped in pocket, and I pulled it out. Before I could think, the message leaped up on my screen in capital letters, screaming at me with as much pain as I felt inside. HOW CAN YOU JUDGE ME LIKE THIS? ARE YOU NOT THE ONE WITH A BOYFRIEND?

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I deleted the message. I didn‟t speak to him again for 17 weeks.

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Ch 4 – Second Semester

January 5, 2000 I returned for second semester determined to make it even better than the first. A pretty high watermark, I admitted, but we still had some amazing places to visit. China was high on my list. So was the Antarctic, although that was purely a tourist destination for me. The environmental stream kids were salivating about it. Several of those students were “spinning off” the main tour to visit the Galapagos Islands while the rest of us were in Ecuador. We reconvened in Tokyo after a two-week break for the holidays. It had been a strangely conflicted Christmas for me … but not for the reasons I might have thought. First, my guilty terror at seeing Jake evaporated – instantly and unexpectedly - when he met me at the airport in Seattle. I flung myself into his arms, and he covered my face with ecstatic kisses. I shoved Edward to the back of my mind and successfully kept him there ... for the most part. The first week was fantastic … seeing my parents, my family, my friends. I got to sleep as much as I wanted. And it was nice just to have fun and do exactly what I wanted for a change, rather than be bound by a schedule. The second week … not so much. I missed my classmates. Missed them bad. For the first time, I got a taste of what it would be like after our year was over, and we were scattered back across the earth again. That made me uneasy. The more restless I got to return to GYL, the more possessive Jake became. He pushed hard for me to have sex with him on New Year‟s Eve, and I almost gave in. But as soon as his fingers touched my naked sex, I stopped him. “Jake, I can‟t do this. Not now.” He whined in protest and moaned about his hard-on, but I just couldn‟t do it. He touches hadn‟t felt bad. In fact, they had felt pretty damn good. But they hadn‟t felt anything like Edward‟s. Jake went home pissed at me, and I cried myself to sleep, so damn confused. And returned to my class, four days later. ~~ - ~~ We had two weeks in China, and I spent most of our time in Japan prepping for them. My focus was on the proper organization and construction of a refugee camp, a project that Jasper Whitlock had inspired in me after our long conversation that day in Dakar. We had even exchanged a few emails during the tour, and his feedback was helping me flesh out my ideas. We were very closely controlled in China and shown only the things that the government wanted us to see – no surprise there. The fact that we could even get into China was huge, and we took the opportunity for all it was worth. My mentor/babysitter in China was a young woman who spoke impeccable English. Her name was Kei-Yee, but she insisted that I call her Vivian. “Many Chinese people have Western names as well as Chinese names,” Kei-Yee explained patiently. “This is the way we do business here. Always know the customs of the country you are entering – it creates an atmosphere of good will and understanding from the start.” Kei-Yee took me to the offices of the non-governmental organization (NGO) she worked for. Most foreign NGOs operated in China by working through a local partner. The government did this in part to maintain control over NGOs, but it frequently resulted in a better, more efficient partnership.

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Floods and earthquakes were common disasters in China, and Kei-Yee spent hours showing me how to respond to these catastrophes. I saw very little of the field (except for places that were so well-organized and pristine that you‟d think a disaster never happened there), but I read a lot of planning documents. Their refugee structure was staggering, designed to work with huge populations of displaced people. She even showed me what to do if I got caught in an earthquake. “Planning, you should be always planning, Bella” emphasized Kei-Yee. “One billion people – always plan. No disaster now, maybe one tomorrow. Plan.” We parted reluctantly after a fabulous meal with her family, one course after another as we talked into the night. ~~ - ~~ We were in Thailand, spending a flex day working on our individual projects. Most of us were scattered across the floor of the building we were working in, laptop cords plugged into every available outlet. I was sketching out a design of my mock refugee camp when a shadow fell over me. A set of manicured toes peeked out of expensive leather sandals. I looked up … way up. It was Tanya Denali. “May I speak to you for a moment?” she asked in her high, girlish voice. I was so astounded by the sight of her that I didn‟t answer for a moment. “Please?” I gestured to the floor in front of me, and she sat down gracefully. She really was a beautiful girl. Long blonde hair with curly ringlets cascading over her shoulders. Big blue eyes, snub nose, sweet smile. Part of me wanted to punch her in the face, but I realized that was counter-productive. Besides, I had never punched anyone in my life and would probably end up breaking my knuckles. “You know what I want to speak to you about.” It was a statement, not a question. “No, I have no idea,” I said flatly, continuing to sketch. “Please enlighten me.” She paused, pursing her lips. I was not going to make this easier for her. “Edward,” she said. Another pause. “He is very … unhappy … with the current situation.” “And what situation is that?” I asked through clenched teeth. “You do not speak to him. You won‟t be around him. He does not understand why.” “I got tired of him treating me in a disrespectful way,” I said, looking up at her. “Every time we speak, we fight. Every time we get close, he pushes me away. He has hurt me in more ways than I can describe. I can no longer endure it.” I had no idea if Tanya was aware that Edward and I had been … intimate, but there was no way I was going to talk about that with her. “I understand that your friendship is very difficult. He finds you … challenging.” We both smiled at that. “But I don‟t think you realize how much he cares about you. How much he misses you. He is in a great deal of pain over your refusal to forgive him.” I looked at her for a moment, seeing a new side of Tanya. She must not be such a bad person if she cared enough for Edward to try to mend our friendship. I was grudgingly impressed. But I was not about to change my mind. This was my year … damned if I would let that cold-hearted Arivistanian bastard ruin my experience. “I appreciate you coming to talk to me, Tanya,” I said. “I have no quarrel with you, I want you to know that. But I do not wish to be friends with Edward, and I do not wish to speak to him. I don‟t know if he sent you to speak to me, or if

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you did this on your own,” I raised my hand when she opened her mouth, “and I don‟t want to know. Please don‟t tell me.” “So you will continue this to the end of the year? We will leave in July and you will not say goodbye, never see or speak to him again?” Tanya asked. The pain of that thought was so intense that I couldn‟t speak for a moment. I know it showed on my face. “Perhaps in time, if things … change, it will be better between us. But please, not now. I can‟t do what you‟re asking right now.” She nodded thoughtfully, then reached over to hug me. I hugged her back, surprised at the kindness. I felt relief … relief that I hadn‟t alienated two people from my class. Relief that Edward was with a woman of character. It wouldn‟t take long to figure out that I was wrong on one of those points. ~~ - ~~ We landed in Quito, Ecuador, on the first day of March. We were staring down the last few months of our tour, and everyone was in high gear, eager to squeeze every drop out of our experience. The environmental stream kids were the most excited – they were spinning off to the Galapagos Islands in two days. I envied them, but I also had a great schedule with some major NGOs in both Ecuador and Argentina planned. The staff planned a going-away party for the seven environmental stream students who would be leaving us for a week to explore the Galapagos while we explored the rest of Ecuador. Kyle Clark, the crazy, gorgeous Australian, was among them. He had just shown us the time of our lives during our two-week Australian tour, and the class would miss him while he was away. Myself included. He was just so freaking cute. We had dinner at a restaurant in Quito, then were treated to an evening of traditional dancing and music. The Latin beat had everyone dancing when suddenly my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out – it was my mom. I left the rhythmic music behind and found a quiet back hallway to take the call. My mother was forever confusing the time zones, but I was always happy to hear from her. After we hung up, I started walking back when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. I froze. This was a very safe neighborhood in Quito, but I was still an American teenager with an expensive cell phone in her hand. And the hallway was dark, deserted and far away from my friends. Poor decision on my part. I turned my head very slowly. It was Kyle. I immediately let out a long sigh of relief and opened my mouth to tell him he‟d nearly given me a heart attack. Except he wasn‟t paying attention to me. And he wasn‟t alone. There was a girl kneeling between his legs, blowing him for all she was worth. Tanya Denali. Neither of them knew I was there – how they could have missed my presence was beyond me, but I guess they were busy. I was rooted to the spot, watching Tanya swallow Kyle‟s dick down her throat. Abruptly, Kyle let out a muffled groan and jerked his hips. Holy crap, he just came. Holy crap, she swallowed. Holy crap, I’m standing here watching! Hysteria bubbled up my throat, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from braying with laughter. There was a sound, footsteps, behind me. Tanya scrambled to her feet, and Kyle‟s cock disappeared inside his pants as if by magic. Then I hear Angela‟s voice. “There you are, Bella! I was getting worried, thought you‟d been carried off by some hot Ecuadorian man. What have you been …” The question died on lips when she saw Kyle and Tanya beyond me. “Oh,” said Angela in confusion. “I

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didn‟t realize you weren‟t alone.” But her eyes were flipping back and forth between my frozen face and their guilty expressions. “I was just talking to my mom on the phone,” I said woodenly. Tanya took a step forward, but Kyle grabbed her hand and kept her from going any further. “Bella, I know that looked bad, but it wasn‟t what you think it is,” she said a little desperately. Kyle was looking pissed now. “What the hell does that mean?” he said. “Who cares if she tells Cullen? He‟s history, you said. I thought we were together now.” “Bella,” she said pleadingly. “Please.” “I have to go,” I mumbled. Angela took my arm and pulled me back, away from the betrayal I had just witnessed. ~~ - ~~ “You need to tell him,” said Angela for the umpteenth time. “I won‟t,” I replied stubbornly. This had been going on for almost an hour now. “You‟ve got to,” she said. “It‟s going to hurt him!” I suddenly shrieked, making Angela back up a couple of steps. “And if it comes from me, it‟ll hurt him even more!” I started to cry, and Angela put her arms around me. “Please don‟t make me do this. Please don‟t make me tell him,” I sobbed. “Shhh, shhh,” she soothed me, stroking my hair. “You don‟t have to tell him. Just forget you ever saw it, baby. Don‟t cry.” ~~ - ~~ Three weeks later, we were in Ushuaia, Argentina, the southernmost city in the world. Tomorrow, we would board a ship to sail to the Antarctic. We were together in a small hotel, prepping for our journey to the South Pole. I stepped outside in the swirling fog and breathed in the cold, clean air. Then I froze as I heard the door bang behind me, and footsteps follow me out into the mist. I didn‟t need his voice to know it was him. I just knew it was. I didn‟t move. “Bella,” he said in Arivistanian, his voice husky and pleading. “Please. I need you.” With that one request, all my defenses collapsed, and I felt the stiffness leave my body. He saw it too, and knew that I would not walk away from him this time. Edward came up slowly beside me. “Walk with me?” he asked, and we began a leisurely promenade around the hotel grounds. We walked for a few minutes in silence, then stopped to lean side by side against a railing overlooking the harbor. Foghorns sounded mournfully out on the water. We did not look at each other. “You knew,” he said finally. I knew what he meant. The sound of his voice, speaking to me in the beautiful language that only the two of us here could understand, was heart breaking.

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“Yes.” “You would not tell me.” “No.” “Tell me why not.” He turned to me, and took my shoulders so that I was facing him too. His green eyes were so beautiful that I caught my breath, and that breath turned into a little sob. “I couldn‟t,” I said, my voice cracking. “I couldn‟t … cause you that pain. I have done enough harm. Caused enough pain. I didn‟t want you to think that I was telling you … for my personal gain.” I couldn‟t look away from his eyes, even when mine started to sting with tears that I didn‟t want him to see. “I‟m so sorry.” He reached up and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. His eyes were crystal clear, and I suddenly realized I had never seen Edward cry. Even in this messy, emotional program that was awash with tears, he had never once cried in front of us. “I have missed you so much,” he whispered. I couldn‟t answer that … my voice wouldn‟t work. Instead, I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the mouth. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. We stood there in the fog, exploring each other‟s mouths for a long time. Gentle, sweet, tender. God, how I love him. The thought floated down into my consciousness like a feather falling from a great height. It didn‟t shock me. I had known it all along but had refused to accept delivery on it. After a while, Edward‟s mouth shifted to scatter gentle kisses across my face. Then his lips came back down to press against mine one last time. He took my hands in his, and we stood there, our foreheads against each other, in silence. Then, finally … “Mana mīla, we cannot do this anymore.” “I know,” I breathed. “Every time we do this, we end up hurting each other, each time worse than before. You mean too much to me, I care too much for you … I cannot lose you again. So we must stop and remain only friends.” “Yes.” More silence. “I love you, Bella.” “I love you too.” We held each other for a long time. It was the first and only time he said those words to me during our tour. ~~ - ~~ The remainder of the year passed all too quickly. By the time we got back to the United States, it was May and we had only a few weeks left. We each created a memory book, a book that our friends could write their farewell messages and memories in. We passed our books up and down the coach, beginning the long process of the most painful goodbye of our lives.

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I passed my book to Edward one day unsure of what he would write. Of course, I had no fear about anyone else being able to read it. It came back to me, his entry written in the small, fluid script of Arivistanian. Things had gone easily with us since Ushuaia. No more fighting, although there was a certain amount of good-natured teasing. We rode the coach together occasionally, reading, sleeping, listening to music. The genie was not entirely back in the bottle, but we had found a way to manage it. Today, I sat with Gerhard who had harbored a healthy distrust of Edward Cullen since last Christmas. He thought he was bad for me, although the last few weeks seemed to prove him wrong. Until today. He saw the confusion and anger flickering across my face as I read what Edward had written in my memory book. “What is it?” he asked, stroking my hair. “Did he write something cruel?” “No,” I said, choking back disappointment. “He wrote nothing … nothing of consequence.” And indeed, most of the flowing script was a series of trivialities. Nonsense. Nothing about how he felt about me. Nothing about us. Nothing … until the end. Bella, mana mīla, you own me. You always have. Love, Edward I thought about the care and attention I had lavished on his memory book entry. His looked like it had taken about five minutes to write, dashed off over lunch, an entry in the book of a classmate you didn‟t really care for. Except for the 11 words at the end. I closed the book and put it back in my bag, fighting back tears of disappointment. Gerhard took me in his arms, pulling me close. “You are in love with him,” he said softly. “You have been since the day you first met. That is what grants him the power to hurt you so badly.” ~~ - ~~ The end came too soon, and it hurt worse than anything I could have imagined. No matter how much prep work we did and how much warning they gave us, it was horrific saying goodbye to 49 people who have lived in your back pocket for the last 365 days. We said goodbye in privacy, at a state park north of New York City where we had camped out for the last night. (A lot of rules were broken that evening.) I had never cried so much as I did that day. Each goodbye was worst than the last. But when it came time to leave for the airport, the last and most important person I had to bid farewell to was nowhere to be seen. “Where‟s Edward?” I rasped to Tanya who was unable to detach herself from Kyle. “He‟s gone,” she replied. “He doesn‟t want to say goodbye to you. He doesn‟t want to cry in front of anyone.” “Please tell him goodbye for me,” I said to Tanya. “Tell him that … I love him.” She nodded and hugged me farewell. And so I never said goodbye to Edward Cullen because of his pride. Instead, I got on the bus, drove to the airport and went back to Forks. Back to Jacob. Back to my so-called life. ~~ - ~~

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The first year was a living hell. For all of us. Yes, we adapted and put the agony of living apart from the people you loved most behind us. But the love never faded, the connection was always there. I did exactly as Jasper Whitlock had told me to do. I went to university. Got my undergrad, and then my Masters, in International Development at Stanford. Learned to speak French. I stayed with Jacob for two more years beyond GYL. He was my first, and I never regretted it. Eventually, we realized that our lives were taking us in different directions. The end was painful but necessary. He was married now, with two lovely children. He was a lawyer, living in North Carolina. I used him for all my legal matters. I was godmother to his second child. Funny how life works out sometimes. I was a bridesmaid in Angela and Ben‟s wedding, and attended the gigantic wedding bash when Tanya Denali and Kyle Clark got married in Switzerland. A record 37 of us made it out for that affair – the largest gathering of GYL99 alumni since we‟d completed our year. Edward Cullen was not among the guests. It would be years before I laid eyes on Edward again. But we stayed close … even when he was thousands of miles away. My academic counselors were frustrated that I didn‟t go to the Kennedy School at Harvard for my Masters, but I knew it was best for me to remain on the west coast. I wrote to Edward a lot. He responded infrequently. The strange thing was that I knew he was there. When I really needed him, he always answered. And when we spoke, he referenced little anecdotes and stories I‟d written about months ago. He read it all and forgot nothing. The night I broke up with Jacob, I called him. He was at Harvard Medical School, fast-tracking his way to an MD. He sat up all night with me on the phone, listening, talking when he needed to, humming until I fell asleep with the phone still in my hand. Partway through his third year of medical school, the stress started to take its toll on him. It was my turn to sit up with him all night and comfort him. And so it continued through the years. I dated, fell in and out of love, met some terrific guys. Moved in with a guy I‟d met in Bangladesh on a field placement, but moved out when I realized Mr. Wonderful wasn‟t so wonderful once we were out of the field. Edward endured his mother setting him up with Arivistanian girls, hoping he‟d marry within the culture. He would text me from his insane blind dates, begging me to call him with a fake emergency so he could escape. He dated half a dozen women over the years, but never settled down. I finally saw him at our GYL five-year reunion in 2004. I had just finished my undergraduate degree and was getting an early start on my Masters, which I was taking over 16 months instead of two years. He was in his second-last year of medical school. I walked into the reunion hotel and there he was, just standing there. Coming into his arms felt like coming home. It had been five years and I loved him still. But we had chosen our paths in life, and right now, they did not overlap. I saw him again the following year at Emmett‟s wedding. Edward was his best man, and I thought I would faint at the sight of him in a tuxedo. He winked at me from the altar.

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Emmett‟s bride, Rosalie Hale, was a stunning blonde from a wealthy upstate family. We razzed him something fierce on the night before his wedding, which Emmett endured with good humor. The joy in his eyes was a sight to behold, and I surprised myself by crying through his vows because I was so happy for him. Perhaps Edward had caught some of that sentimentalism as well as he swung me out on to the dance floor at the reception. I was a mediocre dancer, but I was never nervous when I danced with Edward. He told me it was all the leading. I just closed my eyes and let him guide me. “You look beautiful,” he whispered in Arivistanian in my ear. “Even more beautiful than you usually do.” “As do you,” I said with a giggle. He complimented me on my accent – I had continued my Arivistanian lessons throughout university. At the end of the night, we took a stroll around the spectacular hotel gardens and sat on a bench in the summer night. He took my hand and interlaced our fingers. “You are happy, mana mīla?” he asked. I pondered the question for a moment. “I would be happier if I could see you more often,” I said with a smile. “But yes, Edward, I am happy.” I looked at him. “Are you?” “For now, yes,” he said. He walked me back to my room and hesitated outside the door. His green eyes flickered down from my eyes to my mouth. “Yes, please,” I whispered. He leaned down and kissed me. I let my tongue brush over the edge of his lip, and he caught his breath. “Perhaps one day, we won‟t have to always be saying goodbye,” I murmured. “Soon, mana mīla. Soon.

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Ch 5 – Always be Planning

November 13, 2008 My train got into Penn Station just before 6 p.m., and I went straight to the office. I spent more time there now than I did at home. And I wasn‟t the only one. “Hey boss,” I said, throwing my bag and coat on to my desk and walking over to the man bent over the boardroom table in our “Situation Room.” A huge map of the world was hung on one wall, multi-colored pins and flags marking current hot spots. Another wall was entirely dedicated to the situation in Arivistan. A computer in the corner streamed 24 hour news updates on Kartesia and Arivistan – it was broadcasting CNN right now, muted. Jasper straightened up and winced, rubbing his back. “Don‟t call me boss,” he said. It was our regular greeting. We‟d been saying that to each other every work day for nearly three years. During my undergrad and Masters, I had done three field placements – one in the Democratic Republic of Congo, West Africa, in 2002. A second in Bangladesh in 2003; refugees from Myanmar had been streaming across the border during that one. And my third, in Darfur in 2005, which had changed my life almost as much as GYL did. Jasper and I had been in Darfur together. By that time, he had gone from a junior aid worker to being a seasoned expert in the management of refugee crises. I had less field experience than Jazz, but I had recently developed a new methodology for organizing and constructing refugee camps. We used a camp at Darfur as a proof of concept for the new method and achieved a resounding success. I returned to Stanford, got published and established myself. When I graduated from school, I knew who I wanted to work for - Jasper was my one and only mentor. “Anything new?” I asked, jerking my chin at the table in front of him. He picked up a sheaf of photos. “New satellite images from Arivistan,” he said. I flitted to his side immediately and took the magnifying loupe he handed me. I leaned over the large black and white satellite image and stared at disaster. “They‟ve expanded again,” I said, comparing the new and old photos. “Here and here.” “Yes,” said Jasper. “The numbers are starting to overwhelm the initial attempts at order. They‟ve got people in there who know what they are doing – possibly Arivistanian or Kartesian aid workers - but there are too many refugees to maintain the structure. They‟re losing the battle.” I peered into the loupe, examining the new fringes of the amorphous shape on the satellite image. It was one of the largest refugee camps in the developed world. Early estimates had put the camp at 70,000 people and growing daily. It was a seething mass of humanity, fleeing from the violence of the Kartesian – Arivistanian war. Somewhere in the middle of that hell is Edward. That is what I believed. “There seems to be a smaller secondary camp established here,” I noted, circling a tiny area of new development. My blood ran cold at the thought that sprang to mind. I looked up at Jasper and saw the same fear reflected in his eyes. “Cholera camp?”

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“Possibly,” he said. “With that many people without proper sanitation or water, cholera is almost inevitable. Building a cholera camp, isolated from the rest of the area, again suggests there are local aid workers on the ground.” Jasper wandered restlessly around the room, twirling a pen. “Arivistan is a developed country with an educated and skilled workforce. Most of the people in that camp probably own laptops and PDAs. We see evidence of organization, structure. I‟ve got to believe they‟ve got some control over what‟s going on in there.” “From your mouth to God‟s ears, Jazz,” I said. My stomach growled loudly, and I looked at my watch. Just past 8 p.m. No wonder I was hungry – and I could suddenly smell something good. “Is that … Chinese?” I said looking up at Jasper. He was smiling broadly, looking just beyond my shoulder. I spun around. “Why, Dr. Brandon!” I exclaimed at the sight of the person behind me. “I didn‟t know you delivered …” “It‟s the only way I can get a meal with my husband and my best friend these days.” Alice carried two paper bags of fragrant food across the office and set them down on a desk. “Hi husband,” she said, giving Jasper a quick hug and an intimate smile. “Hi best friend,” she said, blowing me a kiss. “I‟m starving. Let‟s eat.” We ripped open the bags and spread the feast out on the desk. Spring rolls, soup, shrimp in lobster sauce, ginger beef and a boatload of noodles appeared. We dug in. Alice Brandon had come into our lives in 2005, just after Darfur. I was at Stanford, finishing my Masters while Jasper was in New York City, negotiating with his employer, Crisis International. While we were in Darfur, he and I had put together a proposal to spin off a separate NGO from Crisis, one that specialized exclusively in refugee situations. After Jasper had gotten approval and we had secured funding, his first task was to recruit a crack executive team, including a medical director. Enter Alice Brandon. She was former MSW and had a ton of experience in the field for someone so young. When I first met her, I thought she was someone‟s idea of a bad joke – a short, squeeing clothes horse. What kind of aid worker wore Prada? She was the last person you‟d expect to find in a refugee camp. Then I saw Alice in the field. She was five feet of pure hellfire, working under the worst of conditions without a word of complaint. I had seen her walk hip-deep in drainage water floating with raw sewage, set up a medical center in 100 degree heat and oversee the digging of burial trenches after a cholera epidemic. Men twice her height and three times her weight did her bidding. Alice was … incredible. Of course, Jasper fell in love with her. To this day, he got a pole-axed expression in his eyes every time she danced into the room. They‟d gotten married two years after Jasper first saw her in action in the field. I was the maid of honor again. That was getting old. “Any updates from the coalition, Bella?” she asked around a mouthful of lo mein noodles. “It‟s going well,” I said enthusiastically. “We‟ve got agreement across the board on our overall strategy, and the logistics group has already laid down the tactical approach. Our goal is to have the entry plan fully fleshed out and documented within the next 10 days. I‟m probably smoking dope, but I want the strike team to be ready to go on 24 hours‟ notice starting two weeks from today. We don‟t know when we‟ll get the green light.” Once it became apparent this past summer that Kartesia‟s intent was to hold as many Arivistanians within the borders of the country, every NGO in the developed world was screaming to get in. Kartesia was naturally reluctant to allow foreigners into the war zone. But as the number of people displaced by the ongoing fighting increased, and refugee camp swelled along Arivistan‟s borders, Kartesia began to see the value of having western NGOs manage the problem for them.

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An overture was made by the Kartesian embassy to the NGO community, suggesting that our presence might be … tolerated … at this stage. I saw the opportunity and leaped. Using every ounce of street cred Jasper and I had as the new up-and-coming refugee hotshots in the US, I got all the major players on the phone together. My proposal was simple: Given the scope and breadth of the Arivistanian crisis, we should work together as a coalition. Combine the resources of all agencies, leverage all strengths. “This is a unique crisis. An estimated 15 percent of the population is already homeless. We could be looking at 20 percent by the end of 2008.” I moved to the next slide in the PowerPoint presentation. “Arivistan is a northern country, with the capital city of Verisna located on the 59th parallel. Contrast that with Khartoum, capital of Sudan, at the 15th parallel. Daylight hours will soon be shortening – there can be as little as six hours of light each day in winter. Temperatures average below freezing – this is something we‟re not generally used to dealing with in developing world situations. “Bear in mind as well that this is an active military zone,” I said. “Full air and sea coverage. Plus there‟s an occupying ground force in Arivistan nearly half the size of the indigenous population. Kartesia has never forgotten that Arivistan got out from under their power once before. The risk of mass civilian death is enormous. “We need to move decisively and in unison. I‟m recommending we put together a joint proposal for entry into Arivistan in order to prevent as many of those deaths as possible.” Within 48 hours, every agency that had been on that call was in on the coalition. Several more followed shortly thereafter. It was a ground-breaking, history-making agreement – if it could hold. I got a story on page three of the New York Times. With my picture. I could have given a flying fuck if a picture of my naked ass had been on page three of the Times. All I cared about was getting into Arivistan. Getting in there and out again, with Edward safely with me. There had been several times since late July - after Edward left for Latvia - that I had nearly gotten on a plane by myself and gone. I spent too many nights in the Situation Room, drinking cup after cup of coffee, paging through topographical maps, satellite images and intelligence reports, trying to figure out how I could get over the border and find him. On foot, if necessary. Until he disappeared – sometime on or around September 10 – my biggest challenge wasn‟t getting into Arivistan. No, it would have been convincing Edward to leave the country. Not even my unannounced arrival in the middle of a war zone would have been enough for him to abandon his homeland – I knew him too well. After he disappeared, I pinned my hopes on my profession. I was willing to do anything, take any risk to get into Arivistan with the right resources at my fingertips. I was nearly 27 years old, and I had already exceeded what most international aid professionals do a lifetime. If we pulled off the Arivistan coalition, the possibilities for my career were endless. In the last nine years, I had revolutionized the way refugee camps were designed and managed. Jointly created and managed an infant NGO with Jasper. Dug latrines with my own hands in a Bangladeshi slum. Stood in the midst of surging humanity under the most challenging of circumstances time and again, creating order out of chaos. I had even once helped successfully deliver a baby in a tent in the middle of a refugee camp in Chad. Now I needed to save one life. Only one. Surely it wasn‟t too much to ask. “Bella?” I looked up from my wool-gathering. Alice and Jasper were packing up the left-overs and putting them in the fridge for the staff tomorrow. “Let us give you a ride home.”

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“That‟s crazy, Alice, you can‟t drive me to Brooklyn at this hour. Just take me to the train.” Like most New Yorkers, I couldn‟t afford to live in Manhattan, so I split a duplex in Brooklyn. I didn‟t get home much these days. “Then you‟re staying with us tonight,” she said firmly. When I started to protest, Jasper said the magic words. “You can‟t help him if you keel over from exhaustion before you even get to Arivistan.” It always worked – I surrendered silently, getting into the back of Alice‟s car. “Did you have any luck at Interpol today?” asked Jasper. He hated to ask because my search for Edward was entirely personal. And I hated to bring it up with him because my quest took time away from our larger purpose. “Not much. I got a few new things. Photocopy of Edward‟s passport. The number might come in handy in future. There were a few amusing notes in his dossier. The agent who saw me probably wrote “presumed dead” on the file as soon as I left the room.” “We‟ll be there soon, Bella,” he said. “Kartesia could grant us access any day now. If he‟s in that camp, we‟ll find him.” I allowed myself to be put to bed in the guest room at the Whitlock condo on the Upper West side. I had slept here many nights as of late. I kept several changes of clothing there and a full supply of personal items. Jasper and Alice were having a drink before bed. Knowing they got little enough personal time these days, I left them alone, took half a sleeping pill and went to bed. It had been weeks since I had gotten to sleep on my own. Oblivion took me fast. And I dreamed of Edward Cullen. ~~ - ~~ The next day was Friday, and it flew. I felt like I had just sat down at my desk when Jasper appeared beside me. His face was expressionless. I sighed, knowing why he was here. “Five o‟clock already, is it?” I mumbled to myself. I stood up, stuffed my laptop in my bag and was escorted to the door. Everyone in the office suddenly found other things to look at. “Let‟s have them, Bella,” said Jasper. I reached into my bag and handed him my office keys and security card without a word. He put them into his pockets and hugged me like he always did, every Friday. “Have a good weekend. We‟ll see you Monday.” Then he gently pushed me out the door and watched until I was on the elevator on my way down to the ground floor. Jasper had put his foot down last month when he realized I was spending whole weekends in the office, sleeping on the couch in the reception area. When he found me asleep on the floor in the Situation Room one Monday morning, wearing the same clothes he‟d seen me in the previous Friday, the new rule was established – I was not permitted in the office on weekends. I was allowed to take my laptop and Blackberry home with me, but that was it. As humiliating as the weekly ritual was, it turned out to be one of the best decisions Jasper had ever made. I had never forgotten Kei-Yee‟s admonition to me after visiting the Chinese NGO during my year on the road – “Always be planning, Bella.” I needed to be ready to go to Arivistan on a moment‟s notice – personally as well as professionally. I put my weekends to good use. Promptly at seven on Friday evening, there was a knock at the door. I opened up and let Alex in. Mugs of sweet tea were already steaming on the table. We spent the next two hours in intensive Kartesian language study – 90 minutes for language, plus a further 30 minutes spent in discussion about Kartesian culture and social customs. My Kartesian had slipped over the years, and I needed it to be in top form for this trip.

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“You must always use the fact that you are a woman to your advantage,” urged Alex as we role-played scenarios in which I had to build a persuasive argument. “So, you think I should be more feminine, more seductive?” I asked. He shook his head. “No. You should be more dominating,” he said, grinning. “Deep inside, every Kartesian solider holding an AK-47 is still afraid of his mama.” ~~ - ~~ I was up at six on Saturday morning and spent two hours at the gym – one hour of cardio, one hour of weight training. Then I meditated for an hour, no small task for someone like me. But Alice would never clear me to go to Arivistan if my blood pressure was sky high. I spent Saturday afternoon running errands – dry cleaning, laundry, picking up a few necessities. I worked for the rest of the day and evening. And as I did almost every night before I went to bed, I picked up the phone and sat for a long time with it in my lap. I dialed Edward‟s cell phone number. Listened to it ring a few times. Then… “Hi, this is Edward. I am sorry to have missed you. Please do leave a message after the tone, and I will return your call.” The sound of his voice left a dull ache in my chest. I gently hung up the phone and got into bed. There was a picture of the two of us on the bedside table – a snapshot from GYL. We were on the coach together, sleeping. Edward‟s head was back against the head rest, and I was lying against his chest. His arm was wrapped loosely around my body. We were both listening to music, sound asleep. I looked at the picture for a moment, swallowed my sleeping pill, then turned out the light and slept. ~~ - ~~ Sundays were difficult. I left Brooklyn around 10:30 and took the train into Manhattan. I didn‟t own a car – never saw the need for it in NYC. I got off in Midtown and walked seven blocks in a damp November wind to a sedate street of elegant brownstones. I always dressed nicely, although I couldn‟t tell you why. Respect, maybe. Pretending to be something I wasn‟t. My hair was tied back in a tight bun, and I had on black dress pants, blue silk blouse and a black cardigan under my coat. And heels. I rang the doorbell; the door opened so quickly that I knew she had been waiting for me. She greeted me with a smile that didn‟t quite reach her eyes. I kept my features carefully arranged so she did not see the horrific pain that roared through me every time I saw her face. “Come in, mana meita,” (my daughter) she said, taking my coat and hanging it away. Then she turned to embrace me, kissing me on both cheeks. “It is good to see you, as always.” “Thank you, Esme,” I said. “It‟s nice to be inside – the wind is damp and chilly today.” Esme Cullen was so beautiful, I wanted to cry. Looking into her face was agony for the first few minutes of every visit. Then the pain would fade to a dull throb.

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Edward looked very much like his mother. “You‟ll stay for lunch?” she asked. It was the same ritual, every week. She always asked, and I always stayed for lunch. She led me into the living room where Carlisle was reading the paper and drinking tea. “Bella,” he said, rising to embrace me. “So good to see you.” Every time I visited, Carlisle looked a little older. His blonde hair was mostly grey now. “Please sit down.” I didn‟t bother with small talk – I knew what they wanted from me. And what I needed from them. “I went to Interpol on Thursday,” I began, and told them about my visit. I handed Carlisle a photocopy of the passport, plus copies of the dossier. He added it to an already overflowing folder where he stored all the information I had collected. After that, I told them everything the coalition had accomplished this week, every scrap of new information we had learned through NGO channels. I held nothing back. When I was done, Carlisle shared with me the news he had heard through diplomatic and UN channels. And Esme told me what developments had come through her Arivistanian networks. Then we ate lunch. We had done this every Sunday since the day he had disappeared. Nobody knew about this exchange of information, not even Jasper – he never questioned where I got my inside scoop. I doubt Carlisle ever revealed to me any truly classified material, but there was no question that a lot of it was restricted to UN ears only. After lunch came the hardest thing of all. Esme would take out the photo albums and scrapbooks. She‟d tell me about the years that she and Edward lived in Verisna. Places they‟d been. Favorite excursions. Friends. Events. And always the photos, pictures of Edward as a child and then a gangly teen, before they had come to America. The sight of his face made me want to weep. It was essential information. If I had to search for him in Arivistan outside the refugee camp, I needed starting points, contacts. He might go to places and people that were familiar. I wrote it all down, never knowing what piece of information might be the critical one when I was on the ground in occupied Arivistan. Oh God, it hurt so bad. Always be planning. At the end of our time today, however, Carlisle invited me up to his study on the second floor, something he‟d never done before. Curious, I followed him upstairs. Esme did not come with us. I sat down across from his desk, and watched as Carlisle put a large paper shopping bag on the desk beside him. “I don‟t think I tell you often enough how much we appreciate what you‟re doing to find Edward. And how much I appreciate you coming here every week to talk to Minka.” That was Esme‟s nickname from Arivistan. “I know that it causes you no small amount of pain to come here.” I opened my mouth to protest, then closed it again. There was no point in denying it. “I am aware that the odds of finding him alive are very slim,” he said softly. “But Minka and I both believe that if anyone has that chance, it is you.” He handed the shopping bag to me. “Take what is in here. It is untraceable back to me. You can always say that it came from funds raised through the Arivistanian community if anyone questions it.” I looked into the bag and gasped. It was stacks of Kartesian currency. Bundles and bundles of bills. I gaped at Carlisle. “How much?” I finally asked.

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“About $100,000 American dollars worth. Assorted unmarked bills. For bribes. Whatever is needed to get my son out of Arivistan.” His face was very bleak. “And if you learn that he is dead, then use the money however you see fit to ensure other Arivistanian sons survive to return home to their parents. Food, clothing, shelters – whatever your coalition needs.” My hands were shaking as I closed the bag and set it down. I had never seen that much cash anywhere except in the movies. Too bad it wasn‟t in a briefcase – that would have been perfect. “Minka does not know about that,” said Carlisle, gesturing to the money. “And would probably not react well to it.” Esme‟s hatred of the Kartesians ran so deep now that she would probably explode if she knew I gave even a penny of the family‟s money to a Kartesian soldier – even if I were buying Edward‟s safety with it. “Understood,” I said and we left the study together. ~~ - ~~ I worked until far into the night. Using the aerial photos and topographical maps of the camp location, I planned how we might divide the overflowing camp into manageable sections, each holding no more than 20,000 refugees. I had a working model in hand when the phone rang. I checked the clock – 11:30. Who the hell is calling this late? “Bella. It‟s Jasper.” My heart leaped at the tense, triumphant sound in his voice. “Green light?” I asked. “Green light,” he replied. “The coalition has clearance from Kartesia to enter Arivistan.”

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Ch 6 – Preparations

January 10, 2009 “Two breaths and then … 1, 2, 3, 4 … Take it easy there, kiddo, these are chest compressions – you‟re not beating the snot out of the guy.” Everyone in the class cracked up, myself included. The instructor winked at me. Green light or not, it took a frightening amount of time to get tens of thousands of pounds of equipment and 55 people ready to go into a war zone. It had been nearly two months since we had gotten the go-ahead. Two months of endless prepping, inventorying supplies, obtaining visas … the logistics were staggering. And of course, Kartesia made it as difficult as possible along the way, requiring a delicate and constant dance of diplomacy. But now, finally, there was light at the end of the tunnel. We were leaving in two weeks. The wait was killing me. I kept as busy as possible, taking every precaution to ensure I was prepared. Today, I was updating my first aid skills with a refresher class for emergency medical response. “OK, let‟s take 15 minutes, and then we‟re back for our session on musculoskeletal injuries. Come prepared to splint a few legs.” I grabbed my sweater to throw over my tank top (CPR made me sweat buckets) when the instructor stopped me. “I don‟t mean to pry, but what on earth happened to your arms?” He gestured toward the multi-colored bloom of bruises covering both my upper arms. “Oh,” I said. “Well, on this arm, hepatitis A and B happened, plus my booster shot. On the other arm, we got typhoid, a flu shot and a vaccination with a fancy name that‟s basically for diarrhea. Down here was my tuberculosis test,” I said, pointing to my inner elbow. “Either you‟re the world‟s most disease-prone person, or you‟re going somewhere really scary,” laughed my instructor. “The latter,” I said with a grim smile. “But I‟m ready.” ~~ - ~~ On Sunday, after my weekly visit with the Cullens, I bummed Alice‟s car and drove up to Westchester to see Emmett. We had arranged this a few months ago, and now it was time. “Rose, you look …” I stared at Rose‟s enormous belly – she was nearly nine months gone with their first baby, a son. “Huge?” she suggested, making us all laugh. “I know, it‟s a little scary, isn‟t it? People avoid getting into elevators with me.” She took my hand in hers, placing it on her mountainous belly. “Feel him,” she commanded. A moment later, I felt a feisty kick under my hand, and I laughed in delight. “Emmett‟s son, for sure,” I said. “He‟s already starting a party in there.” Rose gave me a little smile and headed into the other room to give us privacy. Emmett walked over to the bay window and stared out in silence. When he turned back, there were tears in his eyes. “Hey,” I said softly. “It‟s going to be OK. I‟m going to find him and bring him home.” “If anyone can do it, it‟s you, Bells,” he said, scrubbing at his eyes. “I‟m just scared … scared that I‟m going to lose both of you now. It‟s been hell these last few months. Look at me, living in this big old house, more money than I ever goddamned dreamed of.” He kicked viciously at the edge of the rug. “Every time I see these … things …around me, I think of him. Wonder where he is. Whether he has enough to eat, if he‟s warm enough …” Emmett stopped, emotion overwhelming him again.

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“You‟re not going to lose me,” I said, walking over and putting my arms around his waist. “I swear to you, I‟ll come back.” “There‟s a war on there, Bella. You can‟t make that promise.” There was no answer to that, so I just clung to him, giving and taking strength and comfort. Finally, Emmett turned and hugged me close. “OK, come on. Let‟s get this done.” We sat down at the dining room table, and I opened up the folder I‟d brought with me. “This is a copy of my will,” I said, causing Emmett to flinch. “You‟re the executor, as you know. All of this is just in case something goes wrong, which isn‟t going to happen.” Next, I took out two envelopes, sealed. “This is a letter for Edward. In case something happens, and he gets out … but I don‟t. The second one is a letter for the whole class, for the same reason. My lawyer has other letters, for my mom and dad. But these two, I am leaving with you.” Then I reached into my pocket. “Spare keys to my apartment. In case you need a place to deflower virgins while Rose is delivering your son.” Even Emmett laughed at that one. Finally, I handed him a huge blue gift bag. “For your beautiful son. I‟m pretty sure I‟ll be gone for the birth, so that‟s a gift for the little guy. OK, it‟s a lot of gifts. I may have gone overboard. Tell him Auntie Bells will be home soon.” Emmett took the bag. “Now it‟s your turn.” Emmett handed me a bulky envelope. I raised my eyebrow, and he nodded. I popped it open and looked inside. Money. Not as much as Carlisle had given me a couple of months ago, but plenty still. It was from our classmates, quietly collected for the sole purpose of bringing Edward back – one way or the other. “Just bring him home, Bells. Bring him home. The whole class will be waiting for you.” He got up and crushed me against his chest, both of us crying now. “I love you so much.” “I love you too. I‟ll be home soon. And I won‟t be alone. I swear it.” ~~ - ~~ “Deep breath in, please. Hold. Now out. Again. Again.” Alice moved the stethoscope over my back, listening carefully. I was one of the last people to have my field physical done … she was doing it in the Situation Room one evening after shooing everyone home at a reasonable hour for a change. “Left arm, please.” She strapped on the blood pressure cuff and pumped it up. I practiced my breathing techniques while she did it. She took my pressure again. Then a third time. “What?” I asked. “It‟s normal,” she said. “I was so weirded out by that, I had to double check. I figured you‟d be through the roof.” “Mindfulness meditation,” I said knowingly. “Freak.” Alice went through the rest of the exam thoroughly and professionally. Nobody cared better for us than Alice. “You‟re fine, good to go,” she said at last. “Your blood work came back from the lab yesterday, and it checked out too.” I let out a long breath of relief. Part of me thought that she and Jasper might try to stop me from going at the last minute, to keep me from doing something insane in Arivistan. “Give me a copy of your immunization record for your file. I don‟t want some crusty border dude keeping you out because you don‟t have proof that you‟re TB-free.” I pulled on my clothes and tossed the required paper in her direction. “Are you ready to go, Alice?” I asked her. She nodded but looked a little troubled. “Let me guess … Jasper‟s pissed that you insisted on joining the strike team.”

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“Of course he is,” she said with a sigh. “For starters, the three of us should probably never go on a mission this risky together. It‟s bad succession planning. Plus, we‟ve got pretty heavy representation for an organization so small, even if it is the lead organization. He feels guilty about that.” Alice paused. “But … I have a feeling that I need to be there. That it‟s where I‟m supposed to be right now.” I came over and put my arm around her, resting my head on her tiny shoulder. “I wouldn‟t want anyone else but you and Jazzy by my side,” I told her. “The three of us are unstoppable.” ~~ - ~~ My language teacher, Alex, swung by to say farewell when he heard we were heading out. “Don‟t forget what I taught you,” he said. “Tell me again, one more time, what I taught you last week.” I opened my mouth and let fly with a volley of curses that would make a dock worker blush. He applauded me. “No Kartesian soldier stands a chance with you. Remember, confidence. Never show fear. Stand tall and strong. You are a lioness.” He embraced me in the Kartesian fashion and kissed both of my cheeks. “God be with you, Isabella.” ~~ - ~~ The last goodbye was the hardest. I visited Esme and Carlisle the day before we left for Arivistan. No lunch this time – I shared with them what we knew about the schedule ahead, and set up a communication protocol with them. “The code word is Vanguard,” I said. “I can‟t broadcast over an open cell connection or a satellite phone that we‟ve found Edward Cullen … the Kartesians would be all over us in seconds. I‟d never get him out of the country. I‟ll contact you as soon as I can. If you get a message from me that has the word “Vanguard” in it – in any context – it means I‟ve got him and he‟s alive. Understand?” They nodded, and I could see the hope blazing in Esme‟s eyes. “A moment of your time upstairs, Bella,” Carlisle said after I‟d handed them the information I had. We went back up to his study. I wondered if he had another shopping bag full of cash stashed in there, but today he had something different. “Three addresses,” he said, laying index cards down one by one in front of me. “Three houses. These are safe houses, you understand? One in Helsinki, two in Riga. Don‟t take those cards with you – memorize the names and addresses, then destroy them. Tell them you know me, and they will take you in. They are completely trustworthy.” “Thank you for this,” I breathed. These could be incredibly valuable. I tucked the cards in my bag. “One last thing, my dear.” Carlisle came around the desk and took my hands in his. His face was very tender. “I know it has been awkward for you these last few months. You have been more than just our connection to the coalition – you have been like a daughter to us.” I blushed beet red when he said that – I always felt like such an imposter when they treated me like family. “The bond between GYL classmates is very strong. But it is not Emmett McCarty who has done all of this for my son. It is you. “I know you love my son, love him enough to risk your life many times over. Although he has never spoken to me directly about the depth of his feelings for you, both Minka and I are fairly certain he feels the same way about you. You have both been very wise to establish your careers before settling down. But Bella, when you bring my son home – perhaps you two could get on with the business of being together. Minka and I wouldn‟t mind some grandchildren, you know.” I looked at him incredulously, nor sure if I was going to laugh or cry. In the end, I did a little of both.

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~~ - ~~ I left the Cullen brownstone in the freezing cold, turning one more time to wave to Esme and Carlisle who were standing on the front step watching me walk away. Esme was still crying, and I saw Carlisle put his arm around her and carefully guide her back into the house. He waited more than 15 years to marry her, I thought suddenly. Four years of which he spent alone, here in New York, hoping and praying that Arivistan would eventually give her back to him … along with his teenage son. In the face of that devotion, nine years suddenly didn‟t seem that long to wait for the love of my life. ~~ - ~~ It was Friday night. The entire strike team met at the airfield, reviewing our cargo, ensuring that everything was securely packed and ready to go. We had a private flight, generously donated by one of the airlines. Together, we walked back into the hangar that we were using as a staging area for now. “OK, folks,” I said, gesturing for quiet. “Looks like we‟re ready to go. I‟m going to cover off some housekeeping items, and we‟ll go get some sleep. We‟re going to need it. “First, I want you all to know that I‟ve taken temporary leave of absence from my job at Refugee Crisis while I‟m heading up this mission. Jazz accepted my notice last night.” There were a few murmurs in the room. “Consider me a freelancer on this job,” I said with a smile. “The buck is going to stop with me on this mission, and I want to be as objective as possible. “In the event that I get picked off by a sniper or fall into a foxhole, the Rev is my second-in-command.” I nodded to Dave Grayson, the grizzled head of one of the bigger Christian relief aid agencies in the US. He and I had our differences about the role of religion in international development, but I had a ton of respect for him nonetheless. In addition to be a skilled and compassionate aid worker, he was also a card-carrying man of the cloth, hence his nickname. Choosing him, and not Jasper, as my second-in-command helped balance things out between the religious and secular factions of the coalition. “The Rev is the go-to person if you need a decision, and I‟m not available. There are going to be times when our methodologies in the field don‟t mesh. Our exec team will meet on a daily basis to deal with issues that aren‟t covered by the protocol we‟ve developed. But the bottom line is this – if you‟re faced with a dicey situation and there are lives at stake, don‟t call a committee meeting. Work the problem, and we‟ll fight about it later. I‟m not going to bust anyone‟s ass for making the best call they could under challenging circumstances. The Rev feels the same way as I do.” I blushed. “Not that the Rev goes around busting anyone‟s ass.” A wave of laughter went through the group. “Last thing I‟m going to talk about is Vanguard.” Again, a reaction from the crowd. Everyone knew we were keeping an eye out for a „person of interest‟ in the camp, but no other details had been released. I flipped on the computer and projected an image up on to the wall of the hangar. Jazz started distributing hard copies. “We have reason to believe there may be an American citizen in the refugee camp.” Edward‟s passport photo glared down on us from the walls, but I didn‟t react to it. It was absolutely essential that no one know the emotional tie between me and the subject of Vanguard. If the Kartesians sensed a weakness, they wouldn‟t hesitate to press it. “Edward Nariovski Cullen is an ethnic Arivistanian, a US citizen and a former MSW doctor. Son of an Arivistanian national and a UN diplomat. He is in Arivistan illegally, probably working for the resistance. Last contact was September 10 of last year.” I flipped to an altered image that I‟d had done up a couple of weeks ago. “He‟s probably using the surname Narivoski. This is a computer-generated image of what he may look like today.” A stranger was looking down at us. Edward‟s beautiful hair was shorn, and the artist had taken 30 or 40 pounds off him. “You have his physical descriptions there. Personal information that might prove useful. Needless to say, the US government would prefer if Mr. Cullen could be removed from Arivistan as quickly and quietly as possible.

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“In the event that you encounter this individual – most likely during the refugee registration process or in the camp itself – do NOT do anything to draw Kartesian attention. Simply detain the subject – pretend you‟ve got a paperwork problem, ask for his help, pull him aside to chat, whatever. Use the walkie to report in. Code word is Vanguard. Remember that our walkie signals will be monitored, so try to be imaginative. Screaming that you‟ve found Vanguard is not imaginative.” Everyone chuckled at that. Deep breath. “Vanguard is a secondary mission consideration. Our primary job is to get this refugee camp functioning. Recent estimates are putting the camp population at over 100,000 people. Vanguard is just one. Use your judgment. Questions?” There were a few, mostly relating to protocols and the schedule ahead. When they petered out, there was a rustling sound as people prepared to leave. “One more thing, people,” I called out nervously. “I know this is a little out of character for me, but I‟d like to ask the Rev to … bless the mission. For those of the non-Christian persuasion, I suggest you just substitute in the deity of your choice. For the atheists in the crowd – and I think we all know that includes me – just bow your heads and look serious.” There was a stunned silence as the Rev took the floor. Everyone knew that I was dead set against any religious involvement in international development. Most people were looking at me like I‟d sprouted a second head. “Thanks Bella,” said the Rev, raising his hands. “Lord, we ask for your blessing upon us as we prepare for this incredibly important mission of mercy. Help us to do Your work and do it well. We pray for …” Dave continued on, but I wasn‟t listening. After everything I‟d seen in the field over the years, I had my doubts as to whether God was paying that much attention to anything going on down here. But this time around, I wasn‟t hedging any bets – I‟d take any help I could get. Please. I was concentrating so hard that the sudden touch of the Rev‟s hand on my head startled me. “We ask especially for your blessing upon Isabella, our courageous leader in this mission. Continue to give her strength as she leads us in saving Your children in Arivistan. Please keep her and everyone else in the coalition safe as we carry out Your work. Amen.” There was a murmured response from the group and then silence. “Everyone back here by 2 p.m. tomorrow. Flight leaves at 7 p.m. Sleep well, and we‟ll see you tomorrow,” I said. I’m coming, my love. Hang on.

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Ch 7 – The Camp

January 24, 2009 JPOV I watched Alice ease herself out from under Bella‟s sleeping body and head back down the aisle to me. Bella had curled up against my wife as soon as the plane took off, and Alice had held her as she drifted off. “Asleep,” she confirmed, sitting down on my lap and putting her arms around my waist. “She took something – she takes too many sleeping pills and that needs to stop sooner rather than later. But tonight was justified. She needs a good night‟s sleep.” Alice‟s hand was pulling my shirt out of my pants and creeping enticingly up my back. “Wanna join the Mile High Club ... again?” she purred against my neck. I felt her tongue licking under my ear and instantly got hard. “Yes ... in a minute though,” I whispered back, moving my face to kiss her. Everyone reacted to the stress of a mission in different ways, and this was Alice‟s way of dealing. And frankly, the risks around this one were so great that I couldn‟t blame her. The urge to reaffirm life in the face of such carnage was overwhelming. I‟d just never imagined that marrying a field doctor would have led to so much amazing sex on airplanes. I held Alice in my arms and rubbed her back tenderly. I couldn‟t imagine a day on this earth without Alice. I hated flying into a war zone with her, hated having her in harm‟s way. So when I tried to imagine what Bella was going through – knowing that the love of her life was missing and quite possibly dead – my brain just went on overload. I couldn‟t wrap my head around it. Especially when their love was essentially undeclared. “You know, I‟ve never met him,” I said quietly. “Vanguard.” We didn‟t even want to say his name in front of the airline staff. “I feel like I know so much about him, but our paths have never crossed.” “No?” said Alice. “I‟ve met him.” I jerked my head back in surprise. “You have? When? Where?” “Haven‟t I ever told you?” Alice‟s brow puckered as she thought back. “In 2004. I was working a career fair at Harvard Medical School when I was between field assignments. This was back when I was at Medecins Sans Frontiers. He came by my booth and introduced himself, said he was interested in doing some development work after he got his MD and before he started private practice. We talked for a while. Very intense, very idealistic.” “I can‟t believe you remember such a short encounter,” I marvelled. “You don‟t forget a guy like Vanguard easily,” she said, tracing circles on my inner arm, sending a wave of goosebumps over my skin. “He‟s ... compelling. Plus he‟s smoking hot.” I could feel her grinning against my neck, and I knew she was just trying to get a rise out of me. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, loving the feel of each other, loving the feel of us. Our bodies were just so attuned to one another. “Jazzy,” she asked softly, “do you think Vanguard is alive?” I let out a long sigh, ruffling her short hair. I told Bella on a daily basis that I thought Edward was alive. But here with Alice, I could qualify it. “Let‟s put it this way,” I said. “If it were anyone else, I‟d say it‟s a million-to-one shot that we find him alive. This would be a fool‟s errand under normal circumstances. But Vanguard went through the same program that Bella did – that Global Youth Leadership thing. That improves his odds so much in my mind that I‟m willing to let a lot of things

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happen that I wouldn‟t normally have tolerated. Like you butting your way on to this mission. Like Bella essentially resigning from her job to lead this. Like me allowing her to work herself into a coma searching for her needle in a haystack.” Alice sat back from my lap, looking at me curiously. “All because of GYL? You think that will make the difference?” “That experience ... that bond ... if I hadn‟t known Bella right since the start and seen the impact it had on her, I never would have believed it myself. That program – and others like it – teaches kids that they can do anything. They don‟t know the meaning of the word „impossible‟. “Look at everything Bella has achieved in her career. GYL helped her overcome her shyness, built up her self-esteem, helped her achieve her potential in ways that might never have happened otherwise.” I looked over at my protégé‟s sleeping form a few rows up. “Vanguard is GYL too. He‟s got that experience inside him. It might have given him the edge to survive this far.” A little embarrassed by my passionate speech, I lapsed into silence, pulling Alice back into my arms. I buried my face in the crook of her neck, savouring her scent and soft skin. She snuggled closer into me, and her hands started to drift, touching me. Making me hard, making me horny, making me want her. Ten minutes later, the two of us were sneaking through the sleeping plane to the back washrooms. The attendant at the back gave us a look as we disappeared into one of the cubicles. She was still there when we came out 15 minutes later, rumpled and sweaty, grinning like maniacs. “If you guys weren‟t walking into a war zone, I‟d bust your asses for that,” she said darkly. “I hope you didn‟t break anything.” “No, we‟re very experienced,” I said, suppressing a laugh. “But thanks for giving us a break.” She mumbled something that sounded like „You‟re going to need it‟. ~~ - ~~ BPOV Finally. Here. We had landed in Riga, Latvia, after a stopover in Frankfurt; unloading began immediately. The strike team took over a three-star hotel in Riga, commandeering the place to serve as a base until we could set up our own camp near the border. Riga was warmer than New York City, but still cold. There was a bit of snow on the ground, dirty drifts against buildings, icy sidewalks. The wind was damp. The next day, the Rev and I paid a visit to the Kartesian consulate. Everybody exchanged greetings, I was complimented effusively on my mastery of the Kartesian language, and nothing else happened. We repeated the same process the next day. And the next. There was nothing unusual about this ... it was all part of the diplomatic dance. While the Rev and I kicked our heels in the consulate, the rest of the team was busy – securing vehicles, connecting with their local aid workers, gathering intelligence, hiring local translators and guards. On the fourth visit, we made progress. “The Commandant of the camp is willing to receive you now,” the Kartesian envoy said with a thin smile. “But only Mr. Grayson and Ms Swan to begin with. The remainder of your party can follow in a day or two, when the Commandant is ready.”

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Nobody was crazy about the two of us walking into the refugee camp alone, but there wasn‟t much we could do about. I would have walked the entire distance on my hands and knees to get there at this point. Even with the sleeping pill, I had trouble getting to sleep that night. All I could think about was the last time I had seen him. And the events that had led up to September 10, the day everything went to hell. ~~ - ~~ June 29, 2008 My phone was ringing. I rolled over, groping for the offending item. I finally found it. “Yeah?” It was 2:53 in the morning – this couldn‟t be good news. “It‟s me.” “What‟s wrong?” I asked, sitting up in bed, sleep vanishing. Edward had just gotten home from his first MSF assignment in Uganda two weeks ago. I was back in the US for a couple of months, running the shop while Jasper and Alice were in Sichuan Province in China following the massive earthquake in May. It was the first time Edward and I had ever been in New York City at the same time for an extended period of time. We were finally … finally … going to have our time together. I could hear him struggling to speak on the other end of the line. Now I was alarmed. Was something wrong with Esme? Carlisle? “Runāt ar mani, Edvard,” (“Talk to me, Edward”) I begged, switching to Arivistanian. I heard him take an agonized breath at the end of the line. “Kartesia has invaded Arivistan,” he said, and I heard his voice hitch in a sob. I felt like someone had dumped ice water down my back. This is 2008. This is the developed world. This can’t be happening. “Kur tu esi?” I snapped. “At home.” “I‟ll be there in an hour.” ~~ - ~~ I spent the next three weeks watching Edward withdraw into himself. Lines etched themselves into his beautiful face as the tanks rolled into Verisna. Arivistan‟s military was no match for Kartesia‟s, and the attack was entirely unanticipated. Although the resistance continued, Kartesia took control of the country almost from the start. It was clear their intent was not to destroy, but to occupy and make Arivistan and its people theirs. Payback was 18 years in the making – Kartesia had never forgiven the upstart nation that had somehow slipped through its military grasp nearly 20 years ago. I spent a lot of time at the Cullen house, starting from the moment I burst through the front door at 4:30 in the morning on the day of the invasion. (I had practically leaped on the hood of a cab passing by my house in Brooklyn, waving cash in the driver‟s face to get me to Manhattan right fucking now.) When I wasn‟t tracking the growing situation in the office, I was with the Cullens, watching it on CNN or on the Arivistanian Internet channels on Edward‟s computer.

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One summer evening, I arrived home (when did I start thinking about the Cullen place as home?) and found Edward waiting on the front steps. He smiled and hugged me. “Hi honey, I‟m home,” I sang softly in his ear. He laughed and spun me around, kissing my neck. I felt giddy with delight and love, despite everything going on. We hadn‟t had a moment to ourselves to talk about anything other than the war since late June. Tonight, Edward seemed happier, more relaxed. He took my briefcase and laptop and put them inside the house. “Walk with me,” he said, taking my hand. We went to a quiet park and sat. It was a beautiful summer night, notwithstanding the pollution hanging over the city. Edward pulled me against him. Hard. His long, lean body was rippling with emotion. Abruptly, the happiness drained from my body. I pulled back, searching his face. He didn‟t need to say the words. I could tell just by looking at him. “No,” I breathed. “I have to go, mana mīla.” His hands were trembling as they held mine. “It is my home. I have to try.” “Please, no,” I said, terror seeping into my body. “Your home is here, in New York. With your parents. With me.” The agony that filled his face when I said that was overwhelming. I started talking faster. “The border is closed, you‟ll never get in. No one can get into Arivistan now, certainly not a US citizen. What, you‟ll just walk up to the border crossing and wave your American passport in the faces of the Kartesian border guards? They‟d shoot you on the spot.” He crushed me against him, and I clutched at his shirt, hardly able to breath for the pain. “Please don‟t go. I cannot bear to lose you again. I‟ve lost you too many times.” “You have never lost me, Isabella,” he whispered. “You have always had me. Always. But I have to go. I would not be able to live with myself if I did not.” “Then take me with you,” I said suddenly. “I‟m just as skilled as you are in a crisis, probably more so. I would be able to help, to save lives. We would be together.” The thunderous look on his face cut me off. “Absolutely not,” he said, his voice shaking with anger. “You will not come to Arivistan. You will not follow me into a war zone. I forbid it.” For a moment, he reminded me of the Edward I had loved and hated at the same time, the 19year-old who fell back once too often on his male authority. But where his words would have enraged me 10 years ago, today, I understood them for what they were – a defense, a comfort zone that he retreated to when faced with things that frightened him badly. “You cannot forbid me,” I said, smoothing the angry lines on his face with my fingers. “But I also won‟t force my company upon you.” As quickly as it appeared, his temper faded, and the agonized look returned. He leaned forward and kissed me, his warm, full lips teasing an immediate response from me, even as my world was imploding. “Your company would not be unpleasant,” he said at last, his voice a little huskier. “Far from it. As well you know. But this is something I must do alone. I will not jeopardize your life.” He cupped my face in his hands, looking intently into my eyes. “I have to do this, mana mīla. Please tell me you understand. Please … give me your permission to go.” And because I loved him, loved him beyond reason, and understood him better than anyone else in my existence … I let him go. ~~ - ~~ He left for Riga two days later. He would not let me come to the airport with him. He would not let me say goodbye. That night in the park was the last night I saw him.

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My pride will be my downfall one day… The texts came every day. He told me he was with “friends” and “using his university education to good purpose.” In other words, he had found the resistance and was serving as a doctor. Occasionally, he dropped me hints that only someone familiar with the geography of Arivistan might understand. On September 8, he joked about watching where he stepped when he was out for a walk, and having a hamburger for dinner. I took that as a veiled reference to him being in southern Arivistan where cattle farming was prevalent. I was fairly certain he wasn‟t eating hamburgers on the run and avoiding cow pies when he stepped. On September 9, Edward said he and his friends were thinking of taking a trip down south because the neighbors were noisy. Translation: We are moving south because the Kartesian bombing is getting too close. September 10‟s message was short, innocuous. Beautiful weather. Hope you are well. I miss you so very much. And then nothing. The next day, I marked the day the towers fell along with the rest of New York City. No message. I called Carlisle. He hadn‟t heard from him either. The next day, still nothing. Then, a bit of news crossed the wire. Kartesia was claiming that it had broken up a major pocket of resistance near the southern border of Arivistan. That was the day panic arrived in my life. That was the day I started planning. ~~ - ~~ “You ready for this, Bella?” asked the Rev as we climbed into our SUV. The sides were marked with coalition decals, and the roof had a red cross painted on it. We were both wearing flak jackets and helmets. We were entering a war zone today. “Damn right, Rev,” I said. He grinned at me and gunned the engine. Our translator and armed guard took the back seat. The Rev did his own driving – I loved him for that. It was a two-hour drive at the best of times up to Valka on the Latvian-Arivistanian border, the town nearest to the refugee camp. From what we‟d heard, most of the residents of Valka had long since fled their homes. The roads in Latvia left a great deal to be desired, and the drivers were terrifying. It took us nearly three hours to reach Valka, and another 30 minutes to crawl our way along the border for about five more miles to reach the camp. The roads were in horrific shape up here, and for the last hour of the trip, we didn‟t see another human being other than Kartesian soldiers patrolling the border. We stopped the car when we estimated we were about a mile from the camp. And listened. It was a low sound, like a waterfall thundering off in the distance. The sound of tens of thousands of people, all gathered in one small place. Then the wind shifted, and we could smell it. The Rev swung around as I vomited on the side of the road. “You OK, Bella?” he asked, coming around and putting his arm across my back. I spat into the dirt, and took a drink from my water bottle. “Yeah, fine. I always do that on the first whiff of a new camp. You never get used to that smell.” I rinsed my mouth and climbed back into the car. “It won‟t happen again – only the first time. Let‟s go.” The translator was looking a bit green himself, perhaps wishing he hadn‟t taken this assignment. The guard looked bored. Another 15 minutes of jerking along the cratered road and, suddenly, we were there. There was a blockade across the road, with two armed Kartesian soldiers indicating we should stop. The camp wasn‟t visible from where we were, but

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the noise and smell were stronger. The Rev and I got out of the car and walked toward the guards, arms held loosely at our sides. Our translator scurried behind us, but I waved him back. “Good morning,” I said in Kartesian, enjoying the look of surprise on the guards‟ faces. “My name is Isabella Swan from the Refugee Crisis Coalition. This is my colleague, David Grayson. We are here to meet with the Commandant and begin work.” The guards looked at me. One of them finally spoke. “We do not allow foreigners to enter into the camp,” he said. “We are here at the request of the Kartesian government, and on the personal invitation of Commandant Arovasy himself,” I said pleasantly. “Last time I checked, the Commandant outranks you, Seržantko.” I named his rank, silently thanking Alex for teaching me the ranking system of the Kartesian army. The guard checked at my words, uncertain. “The Commandant awaits us. Please advise him that we are here. We will wait.” With that, I gestured to the Rev and we walked away from the guards. “What was that?” he hissed at me as we got back in the car. “Round one,” I replied, “of a very long bout.” ~~ - ~~ We waited about 15 minutes while the guard had an animated conversation on the phone. Then he walked over to the car window. “Drive forward to the gates,” he said, giving me an uneasy glance. I smiled sweetly at him. The blockade moved aside, and we crept forward. We traveled about half a mile and crested a rise. The camp was directly in front of us. It was surrounded by a huge fence and rolls of barbed wire. Armed pickets patrolled outside, and I could see tanks further up the fence. A cluster of make-shift administrative buildings stood off to the left. Beside me, the Rev crossed himself and murmured a prayer. I could see half a dozen bodies lying face down on the frozen earth, a skim of snow over them. It was not enough to cover the fact that they‟d been shot in the back. Escapees, left to rot. Or in this case, freeze solid. I didn‟t look at them. If I started looking for his face now, I would never be able to stop. The smell was appalling. We left the vehicle with our guard and started walking toward the gates. Our translator chucked up his breakfast beside the car, much to the amusement of the guards. The Rev went back and gave him a hand. That was the difference between the Rev and a lot of other aid workers I knew – he treated the anonymous hired translator with the same respect and compassion that he had shown me. The inside of the administrative building was warm; we could hear the roar of a generator nearby. We were ushered into an inner room, where a jovial man awaited us. “Welcome!” he boomed. “Welcome to Kartesia. I am Commandant Arovasy, but as my honored guests and friends, you will call me Commandant Aro. Much easier to pronounce.” He beamed at us like we were neighbors joining him for a backyard barbeque. I kept my features carefully arranged in a neutral expression. “Thank you for seeing us, Commandant Aro. My name is Isabella Swan from the Refugee Crisis Coalition. This is my colleague, David Grayson.” He clasped his hands together in delight at my Kartesian.

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“Such a beautiful young lady speaking the language of my country,” he marveled. “Truly a pleasure. Does your colleague also speak Kartesian?” “No, but our translator here, Georgs, will assist.” Georgs was quietly translating for the Rev as the Commandant‟s eyes crawled over Dave and me. He might be friendly, but he was observant. And almost certainly malevolent. “Commandant, we are eager to begin work, but we have many things to discuss first. May we begin?” ~~ - ~~ It was a further two days of negotiation before we could reach agreement on how we would operate. Two agonizing days. All the ground that we had covered with the Kartesian representatives before we left the US had to be revisited. Whether we could use the helicopter to bring in some of our heavier medical equipment. Security protocols. Allowing refugees to play a role in the organization of the camp. On this, Commandant Aro was very firm. “You may use the detainees in this camp for menial labor, if you wish. Waste removal, digging of sanitation facilities. But they are not permitted to do any tasks of responsibility.” The friendly façade dropped for a moment, and his eyes were stony. “No ethnic Arivistanian detainee leaves this camp. Unless they are being carried to the burial trench for interment.” The oily smile returned. “I cannot have you removing Kartesia‟s future work force, can I?” I stayed focused on my breathing. Agreement in hand, the coalition began its laborious task of moving our equipment up to the border. Temporary living quarters were established on the Latvian side of the border for the strike team. Then the entire exec team – seven of us, representing the key organizations in the coalition – got our first tour of the camp. It was like nothing I‟d ever seen before. Justin Goldstein, one of my colleagues riding in the Jeep with me, muttered “Warsaw Ghetto” under his breath as we crawled up the hastily built muddy roads between the shelters. He wasn‟t too far off. The refugees were crammed 10 to a shelter, bodies packed wall to wall for warmth. Every possible material had been pressed into service – plastic sheeting, household possessions, fence posts, tree branches, pine boughs. There was no running water. No electricity. No heat. Just mud, snow and thousands upon thousands of ethnic Arivistanians living in the dead of winter under the most brutal of conditions. “Burial ground?” shouted Justin to our translator over the roar of the engine. After a moment, the driver pointed beyond the eastern perimeter of the camp, beyond the fence where a long trench had been dug. “Our understanding so far is that there is some cholera, but it‟s been contained,” I yelled to my colleagues. “Whoever set up the pit latrines was pretty knowledgeable. But they‟ve got a virulent infectious pneumonia now that‟s killed about a dozen people in the last week alone. Mostly the elderly and very young. I expect that will be high on the priority list.” We returned to the administrative building, grim-faced. We had our work cut out for us. Commandant Aro was waiting for us, all smiles. “To assist you in your work, we have maps of the camp,” he said. “We enlisted a detainee to survey the camp in preparation for your arrival.” Aro gestured to the guards at the door. They stepped out and returned with a terrified man in their grasp. He was painfully thin, balding and short – he looked like he might have been a fussy little desk clerk in his regular life. They shoved him forward with an expression of distaste. He staggered forward and fell to his knees in front of us. All seven of us instantly stepped forward to assist him to his feet. Our movement stopped when the automatic weapons came up.

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“Stand,” Aro ordered. The little man got to his feet, cringing. He extended several rolls of paper to us – maps of the camp. I stepped forward and gently removed the maps from his trembling hands. “Paldies.” (Thank you) I said in Arivistanian. “Nebaidieties. Mēs nesāpēs jums. Mēs esam šeit, lai palīdzētu.” (Do not be afraid. We will not hurt you. We are here to help.) Several things happened at once. First, the man‟s head flew up at the sound of me speaking Arivistanian to me. His shocked eyes met mine. “You will not speak that language again!” thundered the Commandant. “It is forbidden in the presence of any Kartesian.” But no one‟s eyes moved from the face of the man in front of us. I could hear someone behind me utter a low oath. Carved into the man‟s forehead was a twisted and scarred letter „K‟. “Who has done this to you?” I asked in a deadly voice, still speaking in Arivistanian. The prisoner didn‟t answer, he only stared at me in terror. There was a clicking sound as the safeties were taken off the automatic weapons. “It will not be you and your colleagues who die, Ms Swan, if you continue to pollute this office with that language,” said Aro softly. I looked up, and saw the guns were trained on the man trembling in front of me. I stepped back slowly, and looked at the commandant. “Torturing prisoners of war is against the Geneva Convention, Commandant,” I noted. In Kartesian. “It was an unfortunate accident,” he replied calmly. “It will not happen again. As I told you earlier, detainees no longer work jobs of any responsibility, such as this one did. There is no longer a need for … accidents … such as this.” He smiled serenely. “Too many did not survive the branding anyway.” We stood in silence in the middle of the room. The guards stepped forward and dragged the hapless prisoner away. His eyes stayed fixed on me until he was taken around the corner and out of sight. “It grows late,” I said, my voice sounding very far away in my ears. “Thank you for the maps, Commandant; they will help make our job easier. My colleague and I will return to our camp now to begin our planning. Tomorrow, we will present our recommendations on how we wish to proceed, if that is acceptable to you.” “Very much so,” said Commandant Aro, his frightening smile returning. “You are a surprising and talented woman, Ms Swan. I look forward to our next meeting.” I nodded stiffly and gestured to my colleagues to leave.

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Ch 8 – The Game

February 7, 2009 It was late. I was working on ideas for expanding the living areas of the camp once I could convince that nutter Aro that people stacked like cordwood inside flimsy shelters weren‟t good for business. Talking to him was like dealing with Hannibal Lechter. Creep-tacular, as Jacob would have said. I smiled and briefly wondered how Jake and his family were doing. Good, I hoped. There was a rap on the frame of my non-existent office doorway, and I turned to see Alice. I waved her in - I could use some girl time. “How goes the battle?” I asked. “We‟re getting there,” she said ambiguously. That was Alice‟s way of saying that it wasn‟t going great, but she wasn‟t giving up yet. I knew she and the rest of the medical team had some tough challenges ahead. “If we could get more space from the Commandant, it would help. Any luck?” I tapped the papers on my desk. “I have a working plan here. Under normal circumstances, we‟d split this monstrosity up into five or even six smaller camps – maintaining a camp of this size is nuts. But then again, so is the Commandant.” I rolled my eyes. “Since he refuses to allow us to split up – says he doesn‟t have enough guards and fencing to accommodate more than one camp – I‟m working on getting more space. I think he‟ll agree to a phased expansion.” “That‟s good news,” said Alice. “Medical really needs some more room for isolating these pneumonia cases. On the bright side, we‟ve got control over the cholera situation. On the bad side, dysentery seems to be making a come-back. But at least we can manage that.” Alice paused for a moment. “How are you doing, Bella? I mean ... personally?” I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “I‟m ... wondering what the hell I‟m doing here,” I said, relieved to be able to talk to her about it. Doubts had been plaguing me all week. “Not on this mission – these last few days have been amazing. The team is working together better than I‟d ever envisioned. Everyone is focused on the mission, leaving their agendas at the door. Imagine if we could do this all the time – one global aid organization instead of thousands of small ones competing for donations.” I paused and scribbled a quick note in the margin of a paper. That was an idea I wanted to come back to. “But you‟re thinking about Vanguard,” said Alice. I nodded, feeling a lump in my throat. “You know, I‟ve never even told him that I‟m in love with him? And he‟s never said it to me. We‟ve never said „Hey, you‟re the one. Let‟s get this together.‟ It‟s just always been implied, hinted at. “We‟ve never had sex. I‟ve never done anything except kiss him – how old-fashioned is that? We‟ve gone years at a time without seeing each other. And here I am in the middle of a war zone trying to find the same guy who willingly left me behind in New York City to come over here to save his home and native land.” I threw my pen down on the desk in frustration. “What do I say if I bump into him one day in the camp? „Oh, hey, this is a crazy coincidence! When did you get here?‟” “That‟s actually something I want to talk to you about, Bella,” Alice said. “Both Jasper and I agree that if we do find Vanguard in this camp, you need to keep your distance at first.” I gaped at her. “I mean it. You‟ll need to get close enough to identify him. But until we can assess his ... state, it is better that he not know that you are here.”

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“Why not?” I asked, dazed. I admit I had a stupid vision of Edward and I running across a field toward each other, arms outstretched. Duh. “We don‟t know how he‟ll react ... which is exactly what you‟re worrying about right now, isn‟t it? He might go ballistic to see you here. You want him to start ripping you a new one in English or Arivistanian in front of the Kartesians? That would be game over. Same if he flung his arms around you and started humping your leg. No, we need to control that situation very carefully, or his life will be at greater risk.” I thought that over for a bit ... Alice was right. “Good thinking,” I conceded. “But back to your original concern,” she continued. “If I understand correctly, you‟re worried that you‟re overstepping the bounds of your relationship with Vanguard. That because you two have never openly declared your love for each other – other than as one very close friend to another – you have no right to be here, rescuing him. Am I right?” In fact, she was exactly right. I nodded. “Think of it this way,” she said. “Suppose he is here in this camp. What‟s the worst that can happen if you find him? The very worst thing you can conjure up?” “What‟s the worst that can happen?” I asked uneasily. “He could be angry. Hate me forever. Humiliate me. Reject me.” “And what‟s the worst thing that could happen if he‟s in this camp, but no one bothered to come looking for him?” Alice asked softly. “He could die. In this camp. Badly.” I said. My head spun at that thought. “If those are your choices, Bella,” she said, “then you‟ve made the right one. The risk posed by inaction is far greater than the one created by doing something. And frankly, if I were imprisoned in a camp with a hundred thousand other people and a fruitcake Commandant who goes around carving the alphabet on people‟s foreheads, I‟d be pretty damn glad to see you.” I had to smile at that, and I gave Alice a big hug. “I‟m so glad you‟re here,” I whispered. “And not just because you‟re the best medical director in the field.” “Me too,” she replied. She pulled away, her expression going a little blank for a moment. I was used to Alice doing this … sometimes she just drifted away in thought. “I will be staying here tomorrow. I want to set up an infirmary here on this side of the border. A better one than what we usually have.” I looked at her in surprise. “Any special reason?” I asked. “I‟d like some lab space to culture that pneumonia,” she said. “If it‟s bacterial – which wouldn‟t surprise me, given what we‟ve seen so far – we can nip it in the bud earlier with the right antibiotic. Maybe even vaccinate.” I looked at her steadily; I knew there was more. “Plus, it never hurts to have a little extra space … when you might be expecting company.” Alice. We hadn‟t even found him yet, and she was already looking after him. ~~ - ~~ I spent much of the next day in the camp, working out of the “office” – the prefab hut erected near the camp gates that served as the coalition administrative building. It had a power supply and heat, plus a satellite phone. I kept my walkie on so I could track conversations over the airwaves.

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Partway through the short day – we were averaging about seven and a half hours of daylight now – the door opened and the Commandant came in. “Commandant,” I said briskly, “please come in. What can I do for you?” “Just a social visit, Ms Swan. I have come to observe you.” Definitely creep-tacular. “You are most welcome to stay here if you wish. I‟m afraid I‟m doing reports which is not terribly exciting to watch.” Aro said nothing. I went back to my reports and did my best to ignore his constant gaze. He sat there for nearly an hour in total silence, watching. Calls came in on the walkie; I responded. Members of the coalition came in and out, all of them looking uneasily at the presence of the Commandant. I did my work. “You are very young, Ms Swan,” he suddenly said. “May I ask how old you are?” “Please, Commandant, call me Bella. And I‟m 26 years old. I will be 27 later this year.” He made a little moue of distaste. “Bella. Is this a nickname?” “Short for Isabella.” “Ah, this is much more beautiful. I shall call you Isabella.” Whatever, buddy. “You are so young to be in such a position of authority! Have you a husband, Isabella?” “No, I‟m afraid I‟ve been too busy to settle down. You know how we Americans are.” “So no children then? Such a pity. If you were a Kartesian woman, you would be married, with one or two babies by now.” He smiled, smiled, smiled. “Why does such a lovely young woman choose to work here under these unfortunate conditions instead of marrying and starting a family?” “Altruism, Commandant. I wish to help my fellow man,” I said earnestly, continuing my paperwork. There was a long pause. “You lie, Isabella,” he said very softly, very menacingly. I stiffened and looked up at him, his eyes shining like a snake‟s in his ice-pale face. WTF? I looked at him for a moment, and went forward on instinct. “Do I, Commandant?” I asked artlessly. “What makes you say that?” “You are much more intelligent, more complex than your childish explanation suggests. No, there is something else that motivates you. Something hidden. I wish to know what it is.” We looked at each other, the predator circling its prey. He had no idea how close he was to the truth ... but perhaps I could lure him into another line of thinking. “Can you not guess, Commandant?” I said, pitching my voice a little lower, making him lean in a bit. “I can see you are an observant, perceptive man. What do you think motivates me?” “Ah, no! I want you to tell me, Isabella.” His eyes sparkled with excitement. He’s enjoying this. Interesting. Tell me, Commandant, what motivates you to tag people’s foreheads with your own personal graffiti? I fiddled with my pen, looking up at him uncertainly. He smiled his encouragement.

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“Ambition,” I said finally, jutting my chin up a little defiantly. “You can see I have done well in my career. I am only 26, and I am leading the most significant relief mission America has ever seen. When this mission is successful and I return home, I will have my choice of jobs.” I let my mind go on a flight of fancy. “Definitely a book deal. A movie about my life. Perhaps politics ...” The Commandant laughed in delight, as if I were giving him the purest form of entertainment. “It is just as I thought, Isabella!” he exclaimed. “Indeed, you are ambitious. And successful. And now, perhaps, more power? The ability to influence others? I am not surprised. I am very good at reading people‟s true thoughts. It is pointless to lie to me. Altruism! Bah. A wasted emotion.” “Ah, but here we disagree, Commandant,” I said, launching into debate about the motivations of NGOs. We spent the next hour fencing with each other. What motivates you? ~~ - ~~ Before I returned to base camp in Latvia, I took a long walk around the camp. Two armed Kartesian soldiers followed close behind me. I was looking. I walked along the rutted, muddy paths between the ragged rows of shelters. In the week or so we‟d been at work here, we‟d made progress. Potable water stations had been set up, and every family was getting their daily allotment. All shelters now had strong plastic sheeting to keep out the wind and rain. High protein biscuits – not the most appetizing food, but highly nutritious – were being distributed daily. There we still a million issues we needed to tackle, but it was a good start. Early surveying work had started, based on the maps that the unknown Arivistanian had made for us. I could see small flags marking the rough grid that had been mapped out around the camp. Rows and columns of shelters had been designated with letters and numbers, allowing us to locate specific areas of the camp quickly in an emergency. I was walking through a section of the camp that was populated mainly by the elderly. There was a section for families and another for men. As often happened in refugee situations, there were noticeably few young men in the camp. Most of them were either fighting or dead. I heard a sound a little ways down the nearest row that made me want to investigate. I walked a couple of shelters along, listening. It was the tell-tale deep coughing that belonged to the pneumonia currently plaguing the camp. I grubbed in my pockets for a mask and slipped it on, entering the shelter. An elderly man was supporting a woman, probably his wife. She was lying on the freezing floor, coughing up thick sprays of mucus and blood. Not good. I pulled out my walkie and called for a litter Jeep to be brought to this sector. Then I poked my head out of the tent and gestured to one of my armed friends. “This woman is very ill,” I said in Kartesian. “I will have her taken to the infirmary. I have called for a vehicle.” The guard looked at me with a bored expression on his face, then nodded. “Perhaps you‟ll want to stay outside for a bit,” I suggested. “Unless you‟d like to catch it too.” The guard nodded and stayed put. I ducked back into the tent and approached. “Sveiki,” (Hello) I said softly, not wanting the Kartesian guards outside to catch me speaking Arivistanian in their earshot. The man stared at me in surprise. “Šis ir jūsu sieva?” (This is your wife?”) He nodded. “Es gribētu, lai viņai apmeklēt ārstu. Viņa vajadzības ārstēšana.” (I would like to take her to the doctor. She needs medical treatment.) I could see fear on his face. “Viņa būs droši tur.” (She will be safe there.)

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A few minutes later, the Jeep rolled up, and the patient was bundled inside. I continued my stroll up and down the aisles of the camp. I looked at every face – I couldn‟t stop myself. There were more than 100,000 people in the camp. Refugee registration would start in the next day or so; in the meantime, I looked. It was all I could not to stand in the middle of the row and scream his name at the top of my lungs. I saw more people with that horrible, scrolling letter “K” on their faces. Some had it carved into their cheeks. Only men, I noticed. Mostly young, a few older. All capable looking, intelligent. I found an excuse to speak to a couple of them on trivial matters. All were well-spoken, educated. I wondered … ~~ - ~~ Jasper came to visit me later that night when we were back over the border in relative safety. He didn‟t bother with the niceties. “I hear you and Commandant Aro were getting along like a house on fire today. The Rev says he dropped by the office, and you two were thick as thieves. What the hell are you doing?” I didn‟t look up from the email I was writing. “Beating him at his own game,” I replied. “I want to figure out what drives him.” I fired off the email and smiled. “There.” I turned to Jasper who was still frowning. “Jazz, I‟ve got to plan ahead. If we do find Vanguard, I need a way to get him out of the camp that doesn‟t involve a bullet in our backs or a one-way trip to the burial trench. The Crazy Commandant gave me an idea today. So I‟m doing a little digging into his background to understand what motivates him. If I can figure that out, I might be able to figure out how to get Vanguard out of there when the time comes.” Jasper gestured to the computer screen. “Did you find anything yet?” “Not much. He‟s a career Kartesian military man. Mid to late 50s, I estimate. Married, no children … he kept asking me about why I didn‟t have children, which makes me think there might be something more to the story there. I‟ve sent a note off asking for a work-up on him.” I chewed my lip. “There‟s got to be something driving him to go around marking other human beings with the first letter of his country‟s name. Like he‟s branding them as possessions of Kartesia. Permanently, indelibly. There‟s something at play there, probably involving the first occupation of Arivistan.” “Just watch out for him, OK, Bella? He‟s not a nice man.” “I know it, Jazzy. I know it.” ~~ - ~~ The next day, I spent as much time as I could with Commandant Aro. He seemed more than happy to have my company. Whatever else he might be, he was a man of sharp intellect and knowledge. He seemed to enjoy hearing stories of other people‟s corruption more than anything else. It appeared to confirm his happy little belief that everyone in this world was as sick as he was. We took lunch together in his office; the Kartesian food was bland but filling. I entertained him with stories about the back-stabbing and politicking that was so prevalent in American companies. His merry laughter rang out through the meal.

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He would answer no personal questions about himself, other than he was married and lived only to serve Kartesia. I didn‟t press … the intelligence I‟d ordered up would give me what I needed to know about him. He did reveal to me, however, that he had fought in the first Kartesian occupation of Arivistan and won many honors. “I will show you my most prized possession,” he crowed, crossing the room and picking up a beautiful display box from his desk. Aro flipped open the lid and presented it to me, his eyes dancing. Inside was an elegant knife, inscribed with Kartesian script acknowledging some accomplishment. It was a lethal looking blade, cruel and sharp. I looked more closely at the tip. It had been used. A lot. Recently. With sudden nausea, I thought of those carved letters. This was the knife that created them. “Both commemorative and practical I see, Commandant.” I said neutrally, my eyes meeting his. And the Commandant laughed. In the afternoon, I took my walk, the same two Kartesian soldiers trundling behind me, looking like they‟d rather be elsewhere. I looked at more faces, my hands clenched so tightly in the pockets of my coat that my palms bled from where my fingernails dug into the flesh. The dark, silent faces of the refugees looked back at me. Where are you? ~~ - ~~ The intelligence report was waiting when I got back to our quarters. I opened it eagerly and started scrolling through it. Vasily Arovasy, age 59, Commandant in the Kartesian army. Currently serving as Commandant of the Valka prison camp on the Latvian border. I didn‟t miss the fact that it was referred to as a prison camp. There was a long list of military honors in the work up. I skimmed those, looking for inconsistencies, lies or exaggerations as compared to the stories he had told me today. There were none. The personal information section was more revealing. “Married for 41 years to Elena Sidorov. One child, male, Anton Arovasy, born June 8, 1968. Began a promising career in the Kartesian military. Died August 12, 1989, at the age of 20 during the final battle of the Arivistanian Revolution in throwing off Kartesian rule.” Only one child. A son. Lost as his adult life had barely begun. In the battle that had ended Kartesia‟s rule over Arivistan. It didn‟t take much to figure out where Commandant Aro‟s hatred of Arivistan might spring from. I read on. “Fiercely loyal to Kartesia and the Kartesian way of life. Considered incorruptible, not susceptible to bribes.” Well, that wasn‟t good news. “Excellent player of chess and other games of strategy.”

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Maybe I could play him for Edward‟s life? Not too likely, although I wasn‟t a bad chess player myself. I hadn‟t noticed a chess set in his office. I pushed back from the computer and thought for a while. A vague idea swirled in my head. I made myself a cup of sweet tea and stirred it absently, considering strategies and discarding them. Always be planning, Bella. I smiled as I remembered Kei-Yee from that Chinese NGO. I wonder if she had any idea how well that lesson had stuck with me. I frowned for a moment, thinking something else Kei-Yee had told me. I reached for the computer and tapped out a quick email to Alex, my Kartesian language and social customs teacher. Just a theory, but it was worth checking into. After that, I went to see how Alice‟s work was coming along. I found her humming away in her new little infirmary, surrounded by equipment that she was busy installing. In the make-shift lab, one of the techs was putting a tray of agar plates in for culturing. “You got a receipt for all this stuff?” I asked Alice, winking. Considering how quickly she obtained it, I was fairly sure that some of it had come through … less legitimate channels. “What the hell?” I suddenly said, looking down. “They‟re selling AEDs through the black market now?” I picked up the automatic defibrillator and swung it from my finger. “Oh no,” said Alice with a smile. “I bought that on eBay a while ago.” “Unreal,” I mumbled. “I see Meha is culturing. Is that the pneumonia bacteria?” “Yes. I‟m glad we decided to move on that because we had five more cases brought in today. Two deaths from some earlier cases. Conventional antibiotic treatment is slowing it down, but not stopping it. Looks like it‟s resistant to most of the conventional drugs. Once we‟ve got it cultured, we‟ll know how to kill it off.” Alice finished connecting the IV pole and smiled with satisfaction. “It doesn‟t help that most of the people we‟ve got coming in are malnourished, weak and suffering from frostbite. And half of them have dysentery, my favorite disease. It makes it that much harder for their bodies‟ immune systems to work.” “Keep me posted, OK?” I asked. “I will,” she promised, then cast a quick eye over me. “As your doctor, I‟m ordering you to bed. You need to get more sleep.” “Yes ma‟am,” I said with a grin. I went to my quarters, took half a sleeping pill and went to bed. I dreamed that I was running through the camp, screaming Edward‟s name. But there was no one there. It was deserted. The wind tugged at the plastic sheeting as I raced up and down the grid, looking for him, looking for anyone. But there was no answer.

54

Ch 9 – Outbreak

February 11, 2009 It had been two days since Commandant Crazy had showed me his carving knife. We had developed the habit of working together in the same office all day long now, much to the chagrin of the exec team. They trusted me ... they were much more concerned that Aro might try to sharpen his knife on my head one of these days. But Commandant Aro was the least of my worries these days. The antibiotic-resistant pneumonia was continuing to claim a couple of victims each day. Every morning brought a handful of new cases to our already over-stressed infirmary. Fortunately, we had been able to convince Aro to allow us to move the fence back another 200 feet on the western perimeter, and the staff were hastily constructing a temporary medical building on the newly found land. That should be in service in the next 48 hours. The bacteria cultures would be finished tomorrow. The answer had to be there. My personal stress level ratcheted up a notch yesterday when the registration process began. We had been registering new refugees since the day we set up shop, but now we were beginning the monumental task of registering everyone who was already a resident. This process would allow us to determine who was in the camp (and convey that information back to the outside world, where anxious relatives were waiting for word), as well as distribute emergency aid packets including blankets and cooking supplies. Plus it would permit us to take a tally of special health issues, including camp pregnancies. Alice had already delivered two babies since arriving here, and there were almost certainly more to follow. Registration was how we were most likely to find Edward. My walkie was permanently attached to my body now, and one of my ears was always partially tuned to it. I hadn‟t realized how much useless conversation there was on the airwaves between coalition members until I started listening more closely. I scribbled a note to bring that up at the next exec meeting – cut the chatter. Commandant Aro continued to quiz me on and off throughout day about ethical issues, the methodologies I had developed for “his” camp and the protocols we followed. I gave him enough truth to maintain credibility, and enough lies to keep him thinking I was Lady Macbeth in a flak jacket. In fact, we were having a conversation about immorality in government (seems that problem was fairly global) when my walkie crackled for the first time this morning. “Bella, you there?” “I‟m here, Alice. What‟s up?” “We‟ve got a problem.” ~~ - ~~ I was at the infirmary within 10 minutes, the Jeep bounding across the rutted paths with my two faithful Kartesian soldiers/babysitters in the back hanging on for dear life. I slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop. One of the medical team met me at the door, gloves and mask in hand. “Procedure, Bella,” Raj said, snapping my gloves on. We went into the infirmary together. It was bedlam – organized, but still bedlam.

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“What‟s the situation?” I asked Raj. “We‟ve got a sudden outbreak of the pneumonia. When we arrived this morning, there were 17 cases lined up waiting for our arrival. Most of them are critical. It‟s now ...” he checked his watch, “... two hours later and we‟ve received a further 44 cases. All typical profile – elderly, infants, the very weak or sick.” “Fuck me,” I breathed, then remembered Raj was with a Christian charity. “Sorry about that.” “I had a similar reaction, Bella, No apologies needed,” he said with a sudden smile behind his mask. “We have moved all non-essential equipment and personnel over to the new medical building, which is being pressed into service a little earlier than scheduled. As of this moment, this infirmary is the pneumonia camp. Nobody in or out without gloves and masks, no visitors, highest level of infection control enforcement.” “Any idea what‟s driven the numbers up so rapidly?” I asked. “Not yet. It could be the natural progression of the disease, or it could be that one of the latest groups of refugees was incubating it when they arrived. We are continuing the standard treatment regimen until we get the cultures back tomorrow and can figure out what antibiotic will work against this. In the meantime, we‟re getting creative where we can.” “What do you need from the exec committee?” “More space, for one. That means more laborers to help finish the new building.” I whipped out my Blackberry and started taking notes. “Infection control supplies – gloves, surgical masks, face shields, gowns and goggles. A couple more autoclaves wouldn‟t hurt.” “Meds?” “We‟ll know tomorrow which antibiotic we need. In the meantime, we‟re fully stocked with the usual suspects – penicillin, amoxicillin, clarithromycin, tetracycline. Unfortunately, none of them is working. We have some cephalosporin antibiotics on hand, but not a lot because they‟re more expensive. We‟ve had positive results with some but not others. Cefepime has been the most effective so far; if you can lay hands on some of that in very short order, we‟ll take it.” “Got it … anything else, Raj?” “Get some people going tent-to-tent looking for other cases. We need to get these people isolated immediately,” he said. “Staff should be masked and gloved. And send them over here for an antibiotic shot before they go. We‟re not taking chances with our people.” “We‟ll need more vehicles on standby as well then for patient transportation. I‟ll see what I can scrounge up.” I was madly typing, which was proving an uncomfortable task in latex gloves. “What else?” “Alice asked if you would kindly brief Rasputin in the head office about the situation. Her words, not mine.” “My pleasure,” I said with a grin. “I‟ll have reinforcements over to the new medical building within the hour – I‟ll pull them off another detail. Plus we‟ll find some warm bodies to do the tent-to-tent. I made Jim take the day off and stay back behind the border … I‟ll call him up. He loves stuff like this.” We walked out of the infirmary together. “Terrific job, Raj, as always. You guys are absolutely the best. I know you‟ll beat this.” “Thanks Bella … either Alice or I will check in via walkie on the hour unless something really crazy happens.”

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“Everything that happens here is crazy!” I shouted over my shoulder as I stripped off the gloves and vaulted back into the Jeep. ~~ - ~~ By the time lunch rolled around, containment efforts were in full swing. All non-essential efforts (including registration) were scaled back to a minimum, and the extra bodies were assigned to either the completion of the second medical building or the tent-to-tent search party. Jim Watson, an old campaigner who had been working in the field longer than I‟d been on this earth, jumped at the chance to lead the search. His friendly, open face put people of all cultures at ease – he was the perfect choice. “Here‟s a list of the symptoms we‟re watching for,” I said, handing him a handwritten paper. “High fever, heavy chest congestion, chills, shortness of breath, mucus with blood ... lots of good stuff.” He made a face and tucked the paper into his pocket. “Make sure you mask up and wear gloves ... I don‟t want to see your old ass in the infirmary.” His seamed face broke into a grin, and he mussed my hair. There were very few people on this mission who could get away with that – Jim was one of them. “I‟ve got vehicles on standby to pick up anyone who can‟t walk to the infirmary on their own. Use your walkie. Take some translators. Oh, and Commandant Aro has supplied us with some extra guards to accompany you around the camp.” “They‟d probably shoot „em rather than send them down to the infirmary,” he said in a low voice. “The first person in here who fires a weapon on my watch is going to wish they didn‟t,” I said with a sweet smile. Jim cackled with laughter and turned to gather up his group. I could hear his voice rising up as he started organizing people into teams, dividing up the grid and getting down to business. I had nothing to worry about there; I could count on him 100 percent. I returned to the office, ate lunch at my desk and spent the next couple of hours securing the supplies Raj had requested. Between the satellite phone and the computer, I was able to scare up most of what he had requested for immediate delivery as far as Riga. I‟d send a truck down tomorrow to pick it all up. We‟d need to call up volunteers and staff from local NGOs as well … I pulled the exec team together for a huddle to make that happen. It would be better if these requests for extra support came from people the local NGOs already knew, rather than from me. Aro watched all of this closely, his beady eyes never leaving me for a second. “You are enjoying this,” he said after I disconnected from my last call and leaned back in my chair for a stretch. “I am,” I said, and there was some truth to that. After all these years, I still loved the excitement of being in the field. My greatest regret right now was that I wasn‟t with Alice in the middle of the infirmary, working the problem hands on. But it was my job to hold the mission together ... and I‟d only be in the way over there anyway. “I enjoy the thrill of a challenge.” This was also true. “But if there is a massive outbreak of a lethal disease in this camp, your mission would fail. You would not achieve your goal,” he pointed out. I watched his face carefully – there was something more here. “I will not fail,” I responded. Parry and thrust. “Instead, I will find a cure for the pneumonia and save the camp. I will gain more accolades.” For my own private reasons, I had not told Commandant Aro just how close we were to finding a vaccine for the pneumonia. I preferred to let him believe the situation was a little less in control than it really was. “Some will die,” he said. “It is a price that must be paid.” A price paid by innocents because of this stupid war.

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“I would be ... unhappy ... if many died,” Aro mused. “This is Kartesia‟s future workforce. They belong to Kartesia.” Bingo. “You will have your workforce, Commandant. Only the very old, the young and the weak are impacted by bacterial pneumonia. They would not be useful to you anyway.” I paused and looked at him slyly. “As long as it does not spread to the healthy young men – the most valuable workers – there is no cause for concern.” For a moment, I saw his eyes change, grow stony. Then he was back to his smiling self. I had found Commandant Aro‟s motivation. ~~ - ~~ The medical team spent the night in the refugee camp for the first time. For security reasons, teams usually left at sundown. I debated ordering them back, but I knew there was no point. Alice would not leave patients in a crisis. Still, I worried for her. I knew Jasper was beside himself with fear for her – I‟d give him a job tomorrow that would take his mind off his wife. I was up half the night reworking our mission plan and allocating the new staff we had obtained from the local NGOs. Found a truck and driver to go to Riga to pick up our supplies. Paced the floor in my office. Stared at the agar plates that were nearly finished being microed – as if my looking at them could somehow speed the culturing process. Late in the night, I got an email from Alex. I looked at the note blearily, not understanding why he was writing me all this stuff about Kartesia and the quirks of its patriarchal society. Then I remembered the question I‟d asked him. I read through it with interest, then did a little more research of my own on the Internet. Very interesting. I finally dragged myself off to bed around 2 a.m., my eyes feeling like sand. I slept badly, dreaming once again that the camp was empty. The door to the infirmary banged in the wind. Everyone was gone – the refugees, Alice, Jasper, the Commandant. I screamed for Edward, but there was no answer. ~~ - ~~ The next day was hell. In the plus column, the new medical building was nearly complete – the workers we‟d brought in yesterday had made great progress, and the new batch was swarming all over it today. It wasn‟t pretty, but it was solid – it made me feel better to know we were housing patients in a building with a whole roof. But the other column had a lot of marks in it too … Raj‟s first report of the morning was that 10 patients had died during the night of the pneumonia, and another six were unlikely to live out the day. Twenty-seven new cases had come in overnight, and the day was just starting. Twelve more hours until we had the cultures. Jim‟s search teams had turned up a half a dozen new cases before lunch, most of them among the very elderly. Having survived the first Kartesian occupation of their country, most older Arivistanians would rather die of the pneumonia than submit to a medical team that associated with Kartesians. It made me think of Esme. To add insult to injury, it had snowed last night. Nearly six inches. And today it was freezing. Aro continued to observe with great interest all of these proceedings. “You remain confident,” he noted.

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“Of course,” I replied. “We are taking all the right steps. I have faith in my teams. We will succeed.” And most of this was true … we were doing the right things, and I had total faith in the people on this mission. I just wish I knew for sure we could get this things stopped. But damned if I was going to show any weakness to this bastard. “And now … what will you do?” I turned in my chair and smiled at him disarmingly. “Now Commandant?” I said, deliberately casual. Don’t let him see how much effort this takes! “I think I will take lunch. Will you join me?” He eyed me for a moment, then laughed. “I am impressed, Isabella,” he chortled. “Not only cool-headed and confident in a crisis, but also firmly in the seat of power. Many would not be able to resist being in the thick of things by now. You are wiser.” He called out to his guards and ordered them to bring food for the two of us. God, how I hated Kartesian food. “It is truly a shame that you were not born a Kartesian man, Isabella. I would have you for my second-in-command myself.” ~~ - ~~ JPOV It was just coming up on noon, but it felt like we had already worked a full day. It didn‟t help that I was sweating bullets thinking of Alice working in the middle of the outbreak. The entire staff was pumped full of antibiotics, and we were under full infection control procedures. But Alice was in the eye of the hurricane, and I was terrified for her. The thought of her in one of those beds, coughing up blood while her little body burned with fever was enough to drive me mad. Stay focused, Jazzy. I could almost hear Bella‟s voice in my ear, her hands on my shoulders. She had been absolutely brilliant in her leadership of the coalition, and was continuing to hold it together as we navigated this crisis. I bit my lip and went back to work. Bella had me heading up efforts to continue the registration process at a scaledback level. It was essential work that required attention to detail and an ability to communicate with people. She knew that it would keep me from obsessing about Alice. We processed family after family, handing out emergency aid kits and gathering information. It helped that the vast majority of camp residents were literate; many of them spoke English. In fact, most of them had government ID. It was a far cry from doing registration in the middle of the Saharan desert where many families didn‟t track birthdates of their children. A young couple appeared in front of me, holding a toddler. I entertained the boy while they filled out the paperwork. The Kartesian soldiers rolled their eyes as I played with the child – I guess child care wasn‟t considered fit work for a man in their society. My walkie crackled, and I heard Jim‟s voice come over the wire. “Jasper, you there?” I handed the little boy back to his mother so I could pick up. “Yeah, Jim, what‟s the story?” “I‟ve got a pretty bad case of pneumonia here, section Tango 29. Wondering if you could send a litter Jeep over right away.” My mind raced over the camp grid that was etched into my brain by now. Tango 29 was the men‟s section of the camp. Damn it! It was spreading. “You got it. I‟ll give Medical a heads up that it‟s coming in. Is that the only one you‟ve found in that section?”

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“So far. But it‟s pretty far advanced.” Not good. If the pneumonia now had gotten hold among the men, it would be just that more challenging to get it out of the camp. “OK, Jim, thanks for the heads up.” I started to put down the walkie, but Jim was on a roll today, and he kept yakking. “He‟s sharing a shelter with about 10 other lads, so we‟d better get some meds into them too. Otherwise, this young fella will end up leading all of them into the fray.” What the hell is he talking about? No wonder Bella was going on about too much chatter on the walkies the other day … maybe Jim was driving her crazy. I reached for the handset to tell Jim to can it, but he just kept going. “Say, while I‟ve got you on the blower, Jazzy, maybe you can help me out with something.” Help you step further into this hole you’re digging? You seem to be doing a fine job on your own. Again, he wouldn‟t let me get a word in edgewise. Bella must be having kittens by now. “I‟ve got a crossword puzzle clue that I‟m stuck on.” I nearly had a stroke. Jim had completely lost his mind, I was sure of it. Chewing up the airwaves to talk about a crossword puzzle in the middle of a refugee camp gripped by an infectious pneumonia outbreak? Unreal! “It‟s an eight-letter word. Clue is „the leading units moving at the head of an army.‟ Any idea what that might be, Jasper?” I grabbed the walkie in my hand, ready to scream at him to shut it already. But I was too late. There was a little squeal of feedback from the speaker – Bella had just hit the emergency override button on her handset. She was stepping into the situation. I waited for the explosion. Her voice came out of the speaker in a flat monotone – not the hard, angry tones I was expecting. “Vanguard,” she said. “The answer is Vanguard.”

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Ch 10 – Endgame

February 12, 2009 BPOV Commandant Aro and I were sitting across from each other as usual when lunch arrived. I sighed inwardly and dug in. “Tell me, Isabella,” the Commandant said genially, “have you ever been to Kartesia? Other than, of course, this visit.” It drove me nuts that Aro referred to this camp – which was part of Arivistan – as Kartesia, but I ignored it. “I have – I spent two weeks in Kartesia when I was 17.” Aro was delighted by this and pressed me for details, which I willingly provided. He was most intrigued by the concept of the Global Youth Leadership program – which I was less willing to discuss. While I did not doubt Aro had done research into me – as I had done on him – and quite possibly already knew about GYL, I wanted nothing to do with a topic that could even remotely connect the dots between me and one Edward Nariovski Cullen. Especially if he just happened to turn up in Aro‟s camp in the near future. The conversation had reached a lull when my walkie crackled. As always, I kept an ear on it – I knew Aro did too. It was Jim, reporting a new case of pneumonia. I stiffened when he said it was in the men‟s section of the camp. My eyes shot over to Commandant Aro‟s face, and I saw his eyes go black with some undefined emotion. Rage, frustration ... the face of someone having their greatest desire balked. “You seem to have a larger problem on your hands than anticipated, Isabella,” he whispered. “The illness has spread to the male detainees. I am ... displeased.” You and me both, baby. Just not for the same reasons. “A larger problem, Commandant? Or a greater opportunity?” As usual, Aro‟s eyes brightened as I turned the conversation into a chance for him to watch me skate along the very thin line between what he believed to be my public and private goals for this mission. “A good question, my dear. But one that, I believe, you should answer first.” His eyes found mine and gleamed hypnotically. We gazed at one another for a long moment, Jim‟s voice issuing eerily from the walkie on the table between us. “He‟s sharing a shelter with about 10 other lads, so we‟d better get some meds into them too. Otherwise, this young fella will end up leading all of them into the fray.” Aro raised an eyebrow at this transmission from Jim, as if the ante were just upped in our private game. Our eyes remained locked. Leading all of them into the fray ... My heart started to pound uncomfortably. Does Jim realize what that phrase means? “Say, while I‟ve got you on the blower, Jazzy, maybe you can help me out with something. I‟ve got a crossword puzzle clue that I‟m stuck on.” Code word is Vanguard. Remember that our walkie signals will be monitored, so try to be imaginative. Screaming that you’ve found Vanguard is not imaginative.

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“It‟s an eight-letter word. Clue is „the leading units moving at the head of an army.‟ Any idea what that might be, Jasper?” Jim was imaginative. “I believe I‟ve been handed the greatest opportunity of them all, Commandant,” I said softly into the silence. “It‟s like a chess game ... the pieces are arrayed on the board. Now it is time to begin the endgame.” His thin-lipped smile grew wider, eyes sparkling. He looked like a shark. Without taking my face away from the Commandant‟s, I picked up the radio and hit the emergency override button on the handset. The frequency went quiet, ready for me to speak. My heart was thundering in my chest. Every nerve in my body was stretched to the breaking point. Remember, confidence. Never show fear. “Vanguard,” I said into the radio. “The answer is Vanguard.” ~~ - ~~ What I did next was impossible. I clicked off the override button, set the radio down and picked up my fork. I kept my forearms pressed as hard as I could against my body to control the shaking that was threatening to give me away. And I continued to eat my lunch. “Crossword puzzle clues, Isabella?” asked Aro in disbelief. I chewed my mouthful of food – it tasted like wallpaper paste at the best of times, and now was most definitely not the best of times. It took a superhuman effort to swallow the damp ball of cardboard in my mouth and keep it down. “You are thinking that I tolerate too much familiarity from my staff,” I said, sipping from my water bottle. “That I am too indulgent. You may be right. However, that man,” I gestured to the radio with my fork, “will not make the same mistake again when I am done with him.” I smiled. The moment passed. The Commandant returned to his food. When the walkie crackled again, I was ready. I surreptitiously wiped my hands – slippery with sweat - on my pants so that I wouldn‟t leave wet hand prints on the radio. “Bella, do you have 10 minutes to join me at the infirmary?” Jasper asked over the wire. He was holding his composure well, considering the magnitude of the bomb that had just been dropped. I took a quiet cleansing breath and shoved my emotions back down inside. “Can it wait a bit, Jasper? I‟m just eating lunch with the Commandant. I‟ll be done in about half an hour and will come over then. Unless it‟s a real emergency?” Please hear me, Jazzy. Please understand what I’m asking of you. “Nothing that can‟t wait 30 minutes,” he said in a cheerful tone, although I could tell it was costing him. “I‟ll let Alice know you‟ll be dropping by later.” I love you, Jaz. I turned back to my meal, and forked up another mouthful of the food in front of me.

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“Now, where were we, Commandant? Ah yes, the distinction between problem and opportunity ...” ~~ - ~~ I walked out of the administrative building, shrugging into my flak jacket. My two favourite Kartesian guards, lounging against the building and enjoying a quick smoke, dropped their cigarettes and climbed into the Jeep with me. Both of them, I noticed, were holding on to the door handles. I think my driving frightened them. As well it should. Eight minutes later – a new personal record for me – I was at the infirmary. I jumped out of the vehicle and paused. “A moment, gentlemen,” I said to my guards, ducking into the portable toilet near the building. I prayed they couldn‟t hear me as I vomited up my lunch. Then I sat down – on the only available seat - and ran through a brief meditation to regain control. I didn‟t think it was quite the environment my meditation teacher had in mind when she taught me these techniques, but you work with what‟s available in the field. My babysitters chose not to enter the infirmary – they had suffered the wrath of Alice once before for entering the building with their guns, and they weren‟t in a hurry for a repeat performance. The infectious pneumonia might have played a role in their hesitance as well – but frankly, I was betting on Alice. I put on a mask and gloves and entered the infirmary. Jaz had heard my Jeep pull up and was right inside the door waiting for me. Once the door closed behind me and we were out of view of the Kartesians, he stepped in front of me to block my path. “No further, Bella. You know the risks if he sees you.” But I was no longer listening to him. I didn‟t need to see his face. I didn‟t need to hear his voice. I never had. Edward was here. His presence threatened to wash over me like a tidal wave. But if I let go now, there would be no coming back. And my work was nowhere near done yet. I had a chess game to win. My eyes opened – I hadn‟t even been aware that I‟d closed them. Jasper was still standing in front of me, his eyes wide above his mask. “Bella?” he said uncertainly. “It‟s OK, Jazzy. I‟m OK.” I drew a deep cleansing breath, the stink of alcohol, disinfectant and death rushing into my lungs. “It‟s Vanguard. I already know it is. But I imagine you‟d prefer a more ... conventional means of identification.” Another cleansing breath. “How do you want to do this? It‟s not like we have a room with one-way glass in it.” “We won‟t need one,” came Alice‟s voice behind me. I turned - it was the first time I‟d seen her since the outbreak had erupted, and she looked like hell. I reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly. “He‟s unconscious. You can come now to confirm that it‟s him.” Alice‟s eyes flitted quickly to Jasper‟s and then back to me. Jaz put his hand on the small of my back, and they led me to a screened-off area to the right of the main ward. My blood was singing in my veins. Edward, Edward, Edward. I found it vaguely ridiculous that they were making me look at him to do the identification. Couldn‟t they feel it? As we stepped up to the screen, Alice stopped in front of me, Jaz behind me, his strong hands moving up to my waist.

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“Bella, listen to me,” said Alice, her eyes capturing mine. “He‟s extremely ill. Look at him, but try not to fixate on his physical appearance. Do you understand what I‟m saying to you?” I nodded. “Does Vanguard have any distinguishing marks – something that you would see and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it‟s him?” “Of course,” I said, puzzled by this sudden question. Edward, Edward, Edward. “We all have one of these here.” I shoved my flak jacket up and pushed down the waistband of my jeans. On the inside curve of my hip was a tattoo that read GYL99. “He has one in the exact same spot.” “OK, that‟s good. Let‟s focus on finding that tattoo.” In tandem, Alice and Jasper stepped around the screen, taking me with them. Edward, Edward, Edward. The figure lying in front of me was not Edward. Could not be Edward. Oh. Now I understood why Jasper was holding me so firmly around the waist. It was because my legs were going to give out. I felt my eyes roll back in my head, and the floor spun up toward me. Do not lose control. His life depends on it. I hung limply in Jazzy‟s grasp for a moment, then sank to the floor, sliding against him. I put my head between my legs and dry heaved a couple of times. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Focus. I felt someone push a water bottle into my hands, and I drank greedily. It felt good. Even when I threw it all up a moment later, still cold as it came rushing back up my throat. After a few minutes, I signalled Jasper to help me back up. Alice had already moved Edward‟s hospital gown to the side so that we could see the tattoo. We had our ID. He was so thin that his wrists were skinnier than mine – his face was skeletal. His normally fair skin was waxy and translucent, with a bluish tinge around the extremities. Sores were scattered across his body. I could see vermin crawling in his matted hair. Alice‟s team had washed the filth from his body, but there was a ring of blood around his blue lips, probably from a subsequent bout of coughing. His lips were slightly pulled back – I could see he had lost a couple of teeth. There wasn‟t an inch of him that was not bruised, cut or blooming with sores and infection. All of his toes were black. Frostbite. His hands. His fingers. He’s a doctor ... I hadn‟t realized I‟d spoken out loud until Alice answered me softly. “They are fine. It appears he sacrificed his feet to keep his fingers intact. Probably so he could keep operating while he was on the run.” Edward ... I reached out to touch his face, but Alice gently caught my hand and pressed it back into my chest. “Not until we‟ve had a chance to diagnose him. I don‟t need you sick too.” I could feel the fevered heat radiating off him, even at that distance. His forehead was perfectly smooth … Aro‟s knife had not marred it. “Can he hear me?” I asked. “He might be able to,” said Alice.

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“Tas esmu es, Edvard,” (It‟s me, Edward) I whispered. “Es esmu šeit. Es mīlu tevi.” (I‟m here. I love you.) Alice looked up at Jasper, and they began to back me out of the area. I fought their movements at first; I didn‟t want to leave him. I couldn’t leave him. His presence held me like a magnet. I had to leave. “We‟re going to begin treating him, Bella,” said Alice. “The cultures will be ready later tonight, and then we‟ll be able to help him – and everyone else with this pneumonia – more effectively. But the thing that will help him most now is getting out of this camp and into Latvia.” She reached up and took my shoulders, looking me straight in the eye. “You are the only one who can make that happen. Can you do it, Bella?” “Yes.” I hugged her, then Jaz. And then turned and walked out of the infirmary. ~~ - ~~ I once again interrupted my Kartesian soldiers in the middle of a smoke. Someone should tell these guys that smoking is hazardous to their health. I had approximately 10 minutes to assemble my thoughts in order to play the most important game of my life. Everything was ready – my strategy, my tactics. Gambit, countergambit. I drove back to the administrative building at a more reasonable pace, focusing on my breathing. I pushed everything else to the far corner of my mind. I can do this. Arranging my face into a neutral expression, I pushed open the door of Aro‟s office. He looked up at me with his usual smile. “Back so soon, my dear? What news on our latest patient in the infirmary?” Of course he would ask. I understood why now. “Ah, Commandant,” I said with a small frown, “it is not good. The pneumonia is moving faster than I had anticipated. I am forced to ... reconsider my options.” His eyes were locked on me as he waited for me to divulge more. I sat down in the chair in front of him, allowing a speculative look to cross my face. “You have a plan, don‟t you Isabella?” he murmured, watching, always watching. I nodded slowly. “Tell me. Tell me your plan.” I pursed my lips as if contemplating what to reveal to him. I stood up and paced the length of his office, drawing out the moment. “I fear you will disapprove of my idea, Commandant,” I admitted. “Perhaps,” he said. “Tell me.” Once again, I considered, weighing the options. Then took my seat again, gazing at him. “The pneumonia is spreading, Commandant. Now it is among the young men.” I sighed and shook my head. “We have tried everything – everything! It would seem that conventional means will not defeat this new enemy.” I looked up at him with a cunning expression. “I would like to try something ... unconventional.” His eyes sparkled in anticipation. I stood up and leaned into him, lowering my voice.

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“I want to test an experimental vaccine on this new patient. He is young, strong. Not like the old ones before him. If it is successful, we will be able to inoculate everyone in the camp and eliminate the disease.” Aro‟s grin stretched across his face. “Medical experimentation on prisoners is against the Geneva Convention, Isabella,” he whispered triumphantly. “Yes, it is,” I whispered back. And let a ghost of a smile linger around my lips for a moment. We stared at each other in the silent office. “It is a good plan, my dear. But why would you think I might disapprove?” “Because it is necessary that I remove the patient from this camp in order to conduct the test. Everything that occurs in this hospital will be documented by Dr. Brandon and her team. I cannot conduct an illegal experiment under the noses of my colleagues. No, I must take him with me, back to our camp just over there, to our private facility.” I gestured vaguely in the direction of the Latvian border. “It is there that I will find a cure for this disease.” “Absolutely not,” Aro hissed. “The prisoners do not leave this camp alive.” “Send a guard with us then. He will be returned – one way or another.” I said it casually, my innards writhing all the while. Edward, Edward, Edward. “That is insufficient.” I took a few steps back and sank down in my chair, still holding his eye. “Then he will die. Others will die. Your workforce will die, and you will be the laughingstock of Kartesia.” My eyes went hard for a moment. The Commandant considered my words, then chuckled softly. “Isabella, I know you too well. You will not give up. You will work to the last man, to the last hour, to find a cure. I have faith in your abilities.” His eyes were bright with malice – he was enjoying every second of this. I slumped a bit, as if acknowledging his superior insight. “This is true. You do know me well, Commandant.” He beamed at my compliment. “But going the conventional route will take longer. More time. More will die.” My voice was low, persuasive. He stepped into the gambit. “That is irrelevant to me,” he said. “More deaths among the prisoners do not trouble me.” But I could hear the false ring under his joviality. “Oh, but they do, Commandant.” Aro‟s eyes went stony, but never left mine. My voice was down to a whisper now. “This new one … he has introduced the disease into the population of young men. Men in their 20s with their lives ahead of them. Good, strong young men. Those are the ones you want to keep, yes? The ones you want to put your mark on. How many of them will be left by the time I find a cure … through the conventional means?” There was total silence in the room. “Consider our motivations, my friend. If you give this one patient to me, I will find a vaccine. More refugees will live. You will keep your workforce, keep those who are most … valuable … to you.” I pressed forward. “We both know that Kartesia – and you – will ultimately be given credit for brilliant leadership in a crisis. And you will be credited for the vaccine. This is all well with me.” His eyes narrowed to slits, and I could see his mind working furiously. “And what is your motivation, Isabella?”

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“More refugees live. My coalition is a success. I take credit for the vaccine in America. I advance. And I will become … unstoppable.” The silence stretched out between us. I could feel goose bumps humping across every inch of my flesh. This was it. This was the endgame. Aro leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. When he spoke, it was a low, gravelly sound. “He must be returned, dead or alive. And you will take two soldiers with you, Isabella.” Check. “You are truly a visionary, Commandant,” I said, reaching for the walkie. But stopped when I saw the Commandant‟s hand stretch out for the radio. “I will speak with them, Isabella.” Reluctantly, I handed the radio to him. Always be planning. Aro clicked the override button and put the radio to his lips. “Dr. Brandon, this is Commandant Arovasy.” There was a long hiss of static on the line. “Hello Commandant,” said Alice, her voice ringing out in the quiet room. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” “I understand you have a new patient in your infirmary. A young man.” “Yes, Commandant. He came in about an hour ago. We are beginning treatment now.” “I am granting you permission to remove this particular patient from the camp for further medical treatment at your infirmary on the other side of the border,” he said. There was silence on the other end of the line, and I hoped Alice could perform as well as I‟d had to today. “Why, yes, Commandant Aro,” she said with just the right amount of surprise in her voice. “This is very generous of you. I will make arrangements for the patient to be transported immediately.” “Thank you, my dear,” he said. But he didn‟t put down the walkie. I felt unease creeping through me again. “Oh, Dr. Brandon?” “Yes, Commandant?” “Please bring the patient to the administrative building first. I am sending two guards to accompany him. And there is another matter that requires my attention before he is permitted to leave the perimeter.” “Of course, sir.” Aro clicked off the radio and handed it back to me. He said nothing. We sat in silence as the minutes ticked by. The Jeep roared up outside. Aro gestured to his guards and gave them brief instructions. My heart pounded ... I knew what was coming. He stood up and moved around to the front of his desk.

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Countergambit The guards returned. With them, they had Jasper, the Rev and Jim. I noticed Alice‟s absence, and my heart leaped against my ribs. I was right. “Isabella,” he said, his voice the dry swish of a snake‟s scales on the rocks, “the prisoner has been given a job of responsibility. Great responsibility. You know what that means, don‟t you?” I looked up at him. In his hands was the box. In the box was the knife. “If you brand him, he will die,” I said, unable to prevent my voice from trembling just a little. “He is ill and will not survive the trauma.” Aro smiled triumphantly. This was what he had wanted all along. My whole existence came down to this. “Then someone must stand in for him. One of your colleagues perhaps ... someone from this room. Yes.” Aro gestured at Jaz, the Rev and Jim standing behind me at the door. I could barely hear their collective gasp of horror. “Perhaps one of these fine gentlemen you admire so very much.” Nothing would give him more pleasure than marking an American as a possession of Kartesia. “You will choose now, Isabella,” he said, his soft voice menacing. I turned to look at the men behind me, their eyes bulging with terror. “Jim,” I said, my voice impossibly strong and steady. Jim‟s face shot up to mine, and I saw him straighten imperceptibly. I realized in utter shock that he was actually ready to step forward and be branded in the stead of a man he didn‟t even know. “Jim, please continue the tent-to-tent search. We need to isolate these pneumonia cases as quickly as possible to prevent the spread of the disease.” Commandant Aro nodded to the guard, and the door was opened. Jim looked at me imploringly, then left. “Rev?” “Right here, Bella.” Again, I saw the set of my colleague‟s jaw and knew he would also subject himself to the torture. “Dave, you remain the second-in-command of this mission. Please go about your business.” “Bella ... Jasper ...” he began helplessly. He was bodily pushed out the door. I looked at Jaz for a long time. Jasper, my mentor. Jasper, my friend. Jasper, who I would follow ... anywhere. “Jazzy, take the patient to the camp. Dr. Brandon knows what needs to be done until I return.” Jasper‟s eyes went wild, and he took a sudden step forward. Every gun in the room came up and pointed at him. He stopped. “Bella ... no ... you can‟t do this. This is insane …” His voice was strangled. I let my eyes and voice go hard. “I am in command of this mission, Mr. Whitlock. Not you. And you will do as I order you. Take the patient to the camp - now.”

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I turned my back on him and pushed back my hair back from my face. “I have chosen, Commandant. You will mark me.” ~~ - ~~ JPOV I couldn‟t move. So they moved me themselves. I was picked up bodily and shoved back through the door, my eyes still fixed on Bella standing in front of the Commandant. He had the knife in his hands. The Kartesian soldiers thrust me into the Jeep, and Alice rammed on the gas. We took off like a bat out of hell. Not fast enough. As we pulled away, I could hear Bella‟s screams beginning inside the building. I covered my head with my arms and sank down into a ball in the front seat, howling. ~~ - ~~ BPOV We stood in the room. Aro. Me. Aro‟s guards. And my two omnipresent Kartesian soldiers. Ironic that they got to be in on this. I watched as the knife came up between my eyes. I was aware that if I were marked, Edward would never forgive me or himself. He would live for the rest of his life knowing that I was branded a possession of Kartesia because of the events of the last six months. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, it would tear us apart. No love could survive it. I didn‟t care. I loved him and would never love anyone else. I had spent the last 10 years trying to find someone else who could take his place, and no one else had even come close. If I bought his life with this act, then it would be worth it. Even if I lost him. I would always have my work. And Edward would have his life. But I still had one card left to play. The knife tip settled in the center of my forehead. With a sudden thrust, Aro pushed it through the thin layer of skin and flesh, down to my skull. Then he started to drag the knife down, scraping against the bone. Two things happened right away. First, I screamed. Not just because it hurt – because it did hurt like hell, a white hot burning line of fire down the center of my forehead. But I had felt worse in my time. I screamed because it was the last card I had in my deck. The scream was high – and very feminine. I couldn‟t see anything – blood was pouring down into my eyes. But I heard the second thing happen. Every safety in the room was clicked off, and all the guns aimed. But not at me. At the Commandant.

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Checkmate. The knife stopped. Then I heard it clatter down to the desktop in front of me. “Go. Leave this camp, do not return. Do not set foot in this place again,” Aro said in a dead voice. “You have won. You have bested me. Your guards will accompany you to ensure the patient returns to the camp dead or alive.” I spun around dizzily, grabbing my bag and laptop. My scarf was sticking out of my bag, and I used it to wipe the blood out of my eyes. The rust-and-salt smell of it was making me sick. I tied the scarf over the wound to staunch the bleeding. My guards took me by the shoulders and started moving toward the door. “Wait,” he said. They stopped. I could barely see him through the pain and the blood. “We are more alike than you realize, Isabella.” I smiled. “God, I hope so, Commandant.” And they dragged me from the room. ~~ - ~~ APOV We had Edward out of the Jeep and on to a gurney in world record speed. Jaz wouldn‟t tell me where Bella was or what had happened while they were inside the administrative building. His face was white as a sheet, eyes red rimmed as he helped me get Edward inside. Edward was no sooner on the table when he started seizing. “Get him on his side,” I said to Meha, who had appeared out of nowhere beside me, masked and gloved. She touched him and hissed. “Febrile seizure,” she said. “He‟s burning up.” She positioned him properly and held him there until the seizure ended. Someone handed her a thermometer. Meha sucked in a breath. “107.2.” Still below the point where brain damage became imminent, but still too close for comfort. “We need to get the fever down, fast,” I said. “Ideas anyone?” But a commotion at the door interrupted us. I spun around to see two Kartesian soldiers enter the infirmary with Bella hanging limply between them. Both soldiers looked at me with fear in their eyes. Jasper made a little sound in his throat. “What happened?” Bella‟s head came up, and there was a collective intake of breath in the room. She had something tied around her forehead serving as a make-shift bandage, soaked with blood. As she stood there, it slowly slipped down over her eyes and fell to the floor. She had a gash on her forehead, about an inch and a half long. Like any wound to the forehead, it was bleeding profusely. Not serious … a few stitches and a little antiseptic would do the job. “How?” Jasper whispered.

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“Always know the customs of the country you are entering – it creates an atmosphere of good will and understanding from the start,” Bella mumbled, the words slurring on her tongue. Her eyes rolled back, and she went limp in the hands of the Kartesians. The two men laid her carefully on the bed beside them. As soon as she was out of their grasp, they took several rapid steps backward to the door, and removed their guns. Their eyes never left mine. Then one of them shuffled forward. “She is woman,” he said in heavily accented English. “It is against custom to use a weapon of violence on woman in Kartesian society. It is … forbidden.”

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Ch 11 – Vanguard

February 12, 2009 APOV I had a patient to tend to. “Jaz, see to Bella, would you? Clean the wound, apply pressure. We‟ll stitch it up later.” I turned back to Vanguard – Edward – and got to work. “We‟ve got to get this fever down fast,” I said aloud. It was ridiculous that someone be suffering a life-threatening fever in a freezing cold climate like this. There was snow on the ground, for God‟s sake! Aha .... “You and you,” I ordered, pointing at Bella‟s guards, still standing in the middle of the infirmary. “Take a piece of plastic sheeting outside and fill it with snow. Then bring it back here.” They stared at me. “Do it now!” They moved gratifying fast. “Go get towels,” I said to the nearest orderly. “And call anyone available down here. We need all hands on deck. Masks and gloves!” The two Kartesians came back with a load of snow in the plastic sheeting. “Right over here, boys,” I said. I grabbed a towel, filled it with snow, bundled it and shoved it under Edward‟s armpit. Second one under the other arm. And a third right between his legs. Sorry about that, Bella. The risk was not insignificant, but we had no other choice. If this kept up, his brains would fry right in his head. While the snow rapidly cooled his body down, one of the nurses got an IV into his arm. He was so dehydrated that it took her several tries to find a vein. “Got it,” she said. Just as we got the line hooked up, Edward gave one or two quick gasps, and then his chest settled. The heart monitor line went jagged. “Defib!” I shouted. Damn it. The sudden change in temperature had sent him into shock, and the electrical activity in his heart had gone haywire – a condition known as defibrillation. I started CPR. The nurse ripped the snow-wrapped towels out from under Edward‟s body and towelled him down. She pulled open his gown, and we put on the pads. “Clear!” The little defibrillator I had picked up on eBay for just such an occasion delivered an electrical shock to his heart. We continued rescue breathing. On the second shock, Edward‟s heart rhythm re-established itself. We worked over Vanguard for the next hour, getting his fever down to a still high but manageable 104 degrees. By the time he was stable enough for me to step back from the table, the sun had set and the rest of the medical team was back from the refugee camp. I looked for Bella, blinking sweat out of my eyes. She was asleep on the far table, her forehead stitched and bandaged, an IV in her arm. Raj and Jasper were sitting beside her. The Rev was standing in the doorway. “I administered a light sedative,” Raj said, indicating the IV line. “Treated for mild shock. Jasper was my assistant – he has a great future ahead as a nurse.” Jasper grinned. “Bella will have a nice scar between her eyes – what happened to her?” “Apparently it‟s a long story – I haven‟t heard it yet,” I said. A sudden shout from the lab area made everyone turn around. Meha appeared in the doorway, an ear-to-ear smile showing under her mask.

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“Pseudomonas aeruginosa,” she said breathlessly, holding up the cultured sample of the pneumonia bacteria. “It‟s gram-negative, highly resistant to most conventional antibiotics.” “What‟ll work?” asked Raj. “Some cephalosporins – that‟s why some were working and other were not. Quinolones, too. Let me get a list, and then we‟ll check our inventory.” Meha darted back into the lab and fired up a computer; Raj joined her. Two hours later, Edward had two flavors of antibiotics in horse-sized doses running into his veins. All we could do now was wait and see. I‟d need to look after his blackened toes later – he would probably need a few of those amputated, but not until he stabilized. Then I remembered something and sighed … First, I checked to make sure Bella was still asleep. She had had enough pain for one day, and – as silly as it seemed - I didn‟t want her to see what was going to happen next. I crooked my finger at the orderly. “The big blue storage bin against the far wall marked Hygiene Supplies – you see it?” She nodded. “Go get the hair clippers – Vanguard‟s hair is crawling with lice and it‟s got to come off. Buzz it off, go through what‟s left with a finetoothed comb, and bag the trimmings for safe disposal.” Sorry about that too, Bella. Somehow, out of everything that had happened today, this seemed to be the most unfair act of all. ~~ - ~~ Everyone got a shot of the appropriate antibiotics before retiring to bed, and Meha started getting all available supplies of the effective drugs ready for our patients back at the refugee camp. The Rev was the last to drop by for his shot, and stayed to chat afterwards. “You and the team did great work today, Alice,” he said. “Nice job.” “Thanks, boss,” I said. “I‟ll feel better when Vanguard‟s fever comes down, and he‟s breathing better on his own. The pneumonia‟s in both lungs, and he‟s very weak. He‟s not out of the woods yet – but he stands a better chance now that he‟s with us.” “How‟s she?” he asked, jerking his chin in Bella‟s direction. “Mild shock, nasty gash on the forehead, but otherwise just fine. We gave her a sedative – she can sleep it off. She‟ll stay overnight here. Vanguard‟s on 24 hour watch, so she won‟t be alone.” The Rev nodded absently, looking at Bella with awe. “Jasper tell you what she did?” “Not yet, but I‟m sure I‟ll hear about it.” “She‟s an extraordinary person, Alice.” “I know.” ~~ - ~~ BPOV I woke up very abruptly and knew something had disturbed my sleep. Something loud.

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Where the hell am I? The infirmary. At the base in Latvia. Edward. Where is he? I knew he was here somewhere, I could sense him close by. I sat up in the hospital bed, seeing a light on the other side of the flimsy curtain that surrounded me. Someone was here, could give me the scoop. The little dark-haired nurse smiled when I came out, dragging my IV pole. I used the restroom, and then squinted in the semi-dark room at the other bed. “He woke you?” she asked kindly. “His fever is still very high, and he‟s been coughing a lot the last little while. Do you need something for pain?” “Something non-narcotic and strong, please. How long have I been asleep?” The nurse consulted the log on the desk. “About 12 hours,” she said, smiling at my shocked face. I swallowed two lethal-looking pills with lukewarm water. “You were sedated around 2 p.m. yesterday afternoon and now it‟s the middle of the night.” A long, rattling cough came from Edward‟s bed, and I was on my feet like a shot. “May I sit with him for a little while?” I asked. If she said no, I was still going to sit with him, but asking seemed like the polite thing to do. “Of course,” she said. “Mask and gloves please, though. And perhaps you‟d like something clean to wear too.” I looked down at myself – I was still in the clothes I‟d worn to the camp this morning. My shirt was covered in dried blood. I passed firmly on the hospital gown and asked for a pair of scrubs instead. I took myself and the pole over to Edward‟s bedside, and the nurse dragged over a chair for me. I wrapped myself up in a blanket or two. I could still feel the heat pouring off his skin. Even in the dim light, I could see how painfully thin he was. “Do you have a cloth?” I asked the nurse. She handed me a damp towel, and I wiped his face gently. There was nothing else I could do – this was not an enemy I could fight, outwit or strategize against. So for the next little while, I talked to him quietly in Arivistanian, telling him about everything that had happened in the last six months while he was gone. About his parents and my lunches with them. Interesting things that had happened in the news. The coalition and everything we had accomplished. The impending birth of Emmett and Rose‟s baby boy. After a while, Edward became very restless and started moaning. I waved my arm at the nurse, who came over and checked his monitors and temperature. “He‟s running just below 104 degrees, Bella. The fever is probably making him a bit delirious. He may make some noise, or call out. I‟ll stay with him if it makes you uncomfortable.” “No, that‟s OK,” I said quietly. “Wouldn‟t be the first time he‟s shouted at me,” I mumbled under my breath when she was out of earshot. I must have drifted off to sleep for a few minutes because Edward‟s first scream startled out of my wits. I was out of my chair and on the edge of his bed in seconds. He thrashed around a bit, then settled into an uneasy sleep, then worked his way back up to another shriek. He tried to put his arms up over his face, like he was protecting himself, and my heart broke a little to see that. Without a backward glance at the nurse, I ripped off both my gloves, flung them over my shoulder and caught his hands. “Nē, nē,” (No, no) I soothed, feeling the heat of his fingers burning against my skin. “Jums ir visas tiesības. Es esmu šeit, mīļots.” (You are all right. I am here, beloved.) When he settled down again, I took the cloth and went to wipe his forehead. It was then I discovered that his hair was gone.

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We had been in the refugee camp for nearly two weeks and, in that time, seen some of the most heart-breaking human conditions I‟d ever witnessed, Darfur included. People had died, babies had been born, and thousands of lives still hung in the balance. I‟d won Edward‟s life away from a madman and come within a pubic hair of having the eleventh letter of the alphabet permanently written on my forehead. But seeing Edward for the first time without his glorious mop of beautiful bronze hair – that made me cry. The tears ran silently down my cheeks and dripped on the bedclothes for a long time. He was still the handsomest man in the world to me. ~~ - ~~ The nurse sent me back to bed three times over the course of the night. And all three times I got back up and returned to sit beside Edward‟s bed. The third time, she just sighed and let me go. I didn‟t notice her leaving the room. “He‟s not going to get better any faster that way, Bella.” I turned around at the sound of Alice‟s voice in the doorway. Little traitor nurse. “It makes me feel better,” I snapped. Alice came over in her sweats and looked down at our linked hands. “Where are your gloves?” she asked with a sigh. I pointed to the floor. “Idiot,” she said. “Come on then, you can‟t be sitting here in front of him if he wakes up. I‟ve had to shock him twice already – I don‟t want to have to do it again.” I looked at her in horror. “What do you mean, shock him twice?” “He went into defib,” she said with a yawn. “Took two shocks to get him out. He lost a bunch of his chest hair when I took the pads off – I bet he‟s glad he was unconscious for that, huh?” Alice walked over and hugged me hard against her chest. “Come on, darling. You need to rest. Don‟t make me sedate you. Or restrain you.” I pulled my fingers away from Edward‟s and sulkily followed her back to my bed, still schlepping the IV pole. “Can you at least take this out?” I asked grumpily, brandishing my arm. Alice picked up my chart and consulted it. Then she came over and removed the IV. “Thank you,” I mumbled. She led me back to bed and tucked me in like a child. “And stay there,” she said. Then her face softened and she kissed my forehead unexpectedly. “He‟ll be here when you wake up. I promise.” I considered rebelling as soon as she left the room, but exhaustion overwhelmed me. I fell back to sleep. ~~ - ~~ EPOV I was cold. I had been cold for so very long that I didn‟t think I could ever be warm again. Consciousness filtered in slowly. I could feel something soft under me – something I had not felt for months. There were noises. Beeping sounds. There was light somewhere nearby. I had been dreaming of Bella. It had been so real. I opened my eyes.

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Hospital. Every inch of my body was in pain. Every joint in my body felt like it had been pulled apart and put back together. Breathing was agony. Bella was here. She was here, in this room, somewhere. I knew it. I had to see her for myself. Right now. I dragged myself up and moved my legs over the side of the bed. I stared uncomprehendingly at the tubes running all over me. Then one by one, I pulled them out. There was a chair at my bedside, and I used it to pull myself up. I stood there for a few minutes, dizzy. Then I shuffled to the curtain around my bed and peeked out. Someone was standing with her back to me in a doorway, talking to someone else out of my view. This woman was not Bella. I’m a doctor. This thought presented itself me from the hazy recesses of my mind. I pondered it for a moment, and then it went away. There was another bed beside me, also curtained. I took half a dozen wobbly steps to reach it. I wondered why it was so hard to walk. I looked down at my feet and saw that my toes were all bandaged. I looked back up, trying to remember why I was standing here. Bella. I pawed at the curtain. Bella was asleep on the bed. Her body was curled up on top of the covers, brown hair across the pillow. I could see grey in it. I didn‟t remember her having grey in her hair in my dreams before. There was a bandage on her forehead. She looked so tired. I couldn‟t understand why or how she was here. I didn‟t even know where I was. I took a few more steps toward her bed, and my legs got very weak. I lowered myself to the floor beside her bed. I was cold, so I pulled my knees up close to my chest. My teeth were chattering. I didn‟t want to move. All I wanted was to keep looking at her. So I did. Suddenly I felt hands on my shoulders behind me, and someone was talking loudly in a language I didn‟t understand. Bella‟s eyes flew open, and she bolted upright in bed. And then her eyes met mine. I realized that the language I was hearing was English. The person kept calling me something … Mr. Cullen. That was my name, but no one had called me that for a long time. I kept staring at Bella. She kept staring back at me. My body was shaking from top to bottom. It felt like there was an earthquake inside of me. My chest began hitching, making it hurt even more. It felt like something huge was trying to climb out of me, up through my chest and my throat. I started to cry.

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I felt Bella‟s arms wrap around me, and she pulled me up into her bed. The other person vanished. The hospital vanished. The whole world vanished. Except for her. She was real. And for the first time in six months, I was warm again. ~~ - ~~ BPOV I drifted in and out of sleep, trying to keep one ear open in case Edward started thrashing again. I must have dropped into a deeper sleep because suddenly the nurse‟s voice woke me up, right beside my bed. It scared the hell out of me – I thought something was wrong with Edward again. I started getting up before I was fully awake. He was sitting on the floor beside my bed. I felt like all the breath had been knocked out of my body, and I froze. His green eyes were huge in his skinny face. He had pulled his knees up to his chest, and his entire body was trembling violently – probably from the fever. The nurse was trying to get him up off the floor and back to bed, but Edward barely seemed to know she was there. He was oblivious to just about everything around him. Suddenly the trembling got stronger, and his breathing went choppy. His chest began to rise and fall rapidly, and for a moment, I thought he was strangling. Then I realized … Edward was crying. I started reaching down, and he held out his arms to me. I yanked him up into my bed by main force, and started to pull him closer to me. That was when he fell apart. His body was wracked with sobs. He plastered himself against me, like he couldn‟t get close enough. His face burrowed down into the crook of my neck under my hair. He wrapped one arm around my ribs and slammed me tight against him. There wasn‟t an inch of space between us, and I could feel every line of his wasted body, all corded muscle and bone. One of his knees frantically insinuated itself between mine, pushing all the way up until it rested against the apex of my thighs. His other leg wrapped around my calf until our feet were intertwined. One hand pressed flat into my back, and other buried itself in my hair. Tears were raining down my neck, soaking the top of my shirt. And for all that, I wanted him closer still. I wrapped my arms around his neck and put my lips beside his ear, trying to soothe his frenzied sobs. Stroking his short bristly hair, I told him over and over in Arivistanian that I loved him, and that he was safe. I couldn‟t tell if he could hear me. A moment later, Alice and the nurse appeared at my bedside. Alice took a hypodermic from the nurse, and lifted Edward‟s peek-a-boo hospital gown. The nurse grabbed Edward‟s thigh with surprising strength, holding him reasonably steady while Alice jabbed him with the needle. Slowly, slowly, the frenzy subsided. I rocked him in my arms, crooning wordlessly as the sobs tapered off. Far beneath the ferocious stink of the camp that clung to him, I could get a whiff of his scent, a faint trace of the delicious manly smell that I had always associated with him. He was slipping back into unconsciousness, and his hands tightened, as if he were afraid someone would separate us. “It‟s OK, it‟s OK,” I breathed. “I‟m here. I won‟t leave. We‟re together now.”

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~~ - ~~ APOV “Not exactly what I had in mind when I ordered bed rest,” I said to the pretzel of limbs twined together on the bed in front of me. I turned and handed the empty syringe back to Kathy beside me, thanking her quietly for the assist. She left us alone. “Now you know why we had to keep him from seeing you in the camp, Bella.” The rattling sobs finally tapered off as the sedative kicked in, and Edward lost consciousness. Even under sedation, his fingers still dug into Bella‟s shirt and his legs were clamped around her. Like he was terrified she would vanish if he loosened his grip. It was an entirely normal post-traumatic stress reaction, especially for someone confused and disoriented by a high fever. It had also been one of the most intense things I‟d ever witnessed – a connection so deep it was triggered by instinct alone. “Bella, he‟s under now. Come on out. We need to get him hooked back up to his meds.” There was a long pause, and Bella wiggled out of Edward‟s grasp. The shoulder of her shirt was soaked with tears and snot, and I sighed. “And I want you on intravenous antibiotics – that was a ridiculous amount of exposure.” Kathy appeared and handed Bella a fresh shirt. Rather than move Edward, we just swapped the beds around. “He pulled everything out,” I said in disbelief. “Even this.” I held up the urinary catheter. “Unbelievable.” Kathy and I rethreaded all the lines and connected the monitors back up. “His temp is down to about 103. Definitely moving in the right direction. We‟re going to need a lot more of both of these meds asap – I‟ll get Meha on that as soon as she gets up. We‟ve got an entire camp to inoculate.” I turned back to Bella to order her – once again – back to bed. She wasn‟t there. I did a quick spin in a circle. No Bella. Where had she gone? Kathy gestured back to the other bed. Bella was already there, asleep. I smiled and just shook my head. “Maybe now they‟ll both stay in their respective beds. Where they belong.”

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Ch 12 – Stubborn, Frustrating, Inseparable

February 14, 2009 APOV Edward Nariovski Cullen was the worst goddamned patient I had ever had. Bella was a close second. They were perfect for each other. Stubborn. Frustrating. Inseparable. And all of this before Edward had regained full consciousness. I shuddered to think what he would be like when he got out from under the crushing weight of the medication and fever. After we had sedated him yesterday morning, Bella had slept for another few hours, waking when the sun rose. Her first task – after checking on Edward – was to track down her two body guards and have a long, sparkling conversation with them in Kartesian. I would have given a lot to know what she said, but no one was telling me anything. After that, she vanished into a room with the Rev for a while. Probably briefing him on how to handle the Commandant today. Bella came back a little while later, munching on a protein bar. She jerked her thumb at the guards sitting outside the infirmary. “They‟re going to hang out here today. They promise not to bring the guns anywhere near you, and they‟ll smoke outside. I‟ve told them to help themselves to food. The guy with the dark hair is Sevastian, and the blonde is Sergei. They‟re both terrified of you, so please take it easy on them.” “Do you really think we should allow them to wander around unattended, Bella? These guys work for Der Commissar himself. Aren‟t they kind of a ... security risk?” “Nope,” she said, climbing back into bed with her laptop. “If anyone is concerned, just send them around. I‟ll talk to them.” I stared at her in astonishment. But after what Jasper had told me she‟d done yesterday, I was ready to believe anything. ~~ - ~~ Outside of Jaz, Bella was my best friend. But when Jaz told me she had been prepared to let the Commandant deliberately mutilate her in order to spare Edward, I had wanted to stalk into the infirmary and carve the letter „S‟ into her forehead myself. As in „stupid.‟ Shockingly, Jasper had taken Bella‟s side. “Thank God you and I haven‟t had to make a choice like that,” he‟d said, pushing himself up on his elbows in bed. “But if I had been in Bella‟s place, I would have done the same for you. In a heartbeat.” And of course, I would do the same for Jazzy, and he knew it. “But you and I are married ... we‟ve been together for a few years ... we have a commitment on paper, Jaz. It‟s different.” “Alice, I haven‟t even seen them together, conscious, in the same room, and I can tell you they belong together. I can‟t fault her for what she did. I just can‟t.”

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He shivered a little, perhaps replaying in his mind what he had seen this afternoon. He took me into his arms and held me against his chest. We fell asleep like that. Kathy woke me a few hours later to say that Bella wouldn‟t sleep and was trying to put her out of a job as Edward‟s nurse. When I returned from putting Bella back to bed, Jasper was awake. He held his arms out to me and smiled. “Since we‟re both up ...” he said suggestively. I had just drifted off after love when Kathy came back yet again, only this time it was Edward out of bed, delirious with fever. The end result (no pun intended) was me having to sedate our difficult patient with a shot in the arse. And that was just the first 12 hours. ~~ - ~~ I sent Raj and the rest of the medical team into camp to start administering the antibiotics to the pneumonia cases in the infirmary. Bella had filled me and the Rev in on what she had told the Commandant about our “illicit” vaccine, and suggested how the Rev could play it out today. We needed time, time to get Vanguard well enough to travel. I stayed behind to scrounge more supplies. And keep an eye on our VIP – Very Irritating Patient. Before lunch, Edward had been out of bed twice. The first time, Bella had been asleep. Edward had crawled up beside her and spooned against her back, shivering with fever. It was incredibly touching ... and annoying because he had removed all his lines again. Bella and I got him back to bed. We opened the curtains between the two beds, hoping that visual reassurance would be enough for Edward the next time he awoke. The second time, he was sprawled across Bella‟s bed, one foot dangling limply off the edge. His head was in Bella‟s lap as she worked away on the laptop balanced on her knees. I glared at her. “Don‟t encourage him, for God‟s sake! Why didn‟t you call me?” “I made sure he didn‟t remove his IV lines this time,” she said, gesturing to the tubes and wires stretched to the limit across the two beds. Bella‟s bed was at an angle, like she had shoved it over to make the lines reach. “Even still, Bella, he‟s got a highly infectious pneumonia. You shouldn‟t be having this kind of contact with a patient. Use your head, for God‟s sake.” “This reminds me, Alice,” she said. “Is he well enough for me to let his parents know he‟s alive?” “I think so, Bella. Now get over here and get your antibiotic shot … otherwise, I‟ll be telling your parents that their daughter is an idiot with no regard for her own health and safety.” ~~ - ~~ The third time Edward got out of bed had been different than the others. Very, very different. It was my chance to see the infamous Nariovski temper first hand. I had been taking a briefing in the evening from the Rev and Georgs, the translator who had helped him deal with the Commandant today. We were standing outside the infirmary; when the shouting started, we all jumped. It was Edward – his voice was little more than a rasp from the pneumonia. But what he lacked in volume, he made up for in intensity. We looked into the room.

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He was standing at the end of Bella‟s bed – all the damn lines torn out again! His thin face was dark with rage, and his hands were clenched at his sides. With his military-style buzz cut, Edward looked very intimidating, looming over Bella. The Rev looked at me in alarm, clearly wondering if he should intervene. Bella was sitting up in bed, glaring at Edward. She saw us start toward her and waved us back. Edward didn‟t even seem to notice us there, and started shouting again. “Georgs,” I said, nudging him. “C‟mon ... what‟s he saying to her?” Georgs gaped at me. “It is ... a conversation of a personal nature, Dr. Brandon,” he protested. “Then they shouldn‟t be having it in front of a translator,” I said impatiently. “What‟s he saying?” Georgs looked at the Rev helplessly for a minute, then turned back to Edward. “He ... he is ... extraordinarily displeased to find Miss Bella here in Arivistan,” he stammered. “Although I feel compelled to point out we are not actually in Arivistan.” “Whatever. Go on.” “He indicates that he ... left her very ... um ... clear instructions upon his departure that she was not to follow him here. That, as usual, she continues to shame him by acting like the ... uh ... Dr. Brandon ...” He swallowed hard and continued. “By acting like the untamed and foolish girl child that she is ... even though she is now old enough to know how to behave properly.” I had the feeling Georgs was censoring the more colorful phrases. “He asks if Miss Bella ... uh ... has ... um ... checked recently her groin area to ... well ... ensure that she has not recently grown a set of ... oh dear ... testicles. And if she has not, perhaps she may wish to acquire some since she ... uh ... insists on behaving as if she ... had been born a man. A man, like Mr. Edward is. Something that … uh … he believes Miss Bella has forgotten.” My jaw dropped open. I didn‟t know whether to laugh at the ridiculously prissy translation that Georgs had just given us. Or if I should kick Bella‟s sanctimonious little prick of a boyfriend all the way back to the refugee camp to see how much he liked it there. Bella and Edward appeared to be locked in a furious staring contest. Bella finally took a deep breath, composed herself and spoke swiftly and icily in Arivistanian. The Rev and I instantly turned to Georgs again for the play-byplay. “She says it is refreshing to see that Mr. Edward has not changed during his time in captivity – but I believe she is employing sarcasm in this case.” I rolled my eyes at the Rev. “She also says ...” Georgs paused. “She says that she understands how badly frightened he must feel right now upon finding her in this place of danger. Because she was similarly angry and extremely frightened for the last several months while Mr. Edward, too, was in harm‟s way.” That was very sweet and understanding of her. But wasn’t she going to kick his ass? “She thanks God the Father that Mr. Edward is alive and still able to shout like the ... sexist ... um ... prepubescent … uh … there is no translation for that word in English … individual that he is. Then Miss Bella says that she ... um ... loves Mr. Edward more than her own life, but that if he ... uh ... addresses her in this fashion again ... she will ... oh dear ... acquire the ... uh ... set of testicles he made reference to earlier ... from Mr. Edward personally.” I snorted with laughter. Even the Rev was chuckling. Bella‟s face softened, and she patted the bed beside her. Edward was still standing there, but the anger had gone from his face. He just looked lost, like he didn‟t know where he was. He limped over and climbed into bed with her. Within minutes, he was sound asleep, his body inching closer into hers until they were pressed tightly together.

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We applauded from the doorway, and Bella blushed. Her hand was on the back of Edward‟s neck, softly stroking him. It was like they couldn‟t stand not to be in contact with each other. I looked down and sighed. “Bella, he can‟t keep taking his IV lines out. We‟re going to run out of catheters – and veins. Nor can we keep him sedated around the clock. And I think restraining him would be very bad for him psychologically.” The thought of Edward waking up delirious to find himself tied to the bed was cringe-worthy ... he‟d go nuts, probably injure himself. “Bella, why don‟t you move back to your room? You don‟t need to be here anymore – your wound is healing. Maybe then he‟ll stop trying to come to you every time he wakes.” “I won‟t leave him,” she said instantly. “I‟ll sit beside his bed all night to make sure he doesn‟t get up or take his lines out. But I will not leave him.” She looked down at his sleeping form lying against her, and caressed his neck once more. “I‟m not ready to let him out of my sight yet, Alice.” Stubborn. Frustrating. Inseparable. ~~ - ~~ EPOV I was warm. So warm. I laid there for several moments, drifting. I was wet too. My upper body was coated in sweat, and the sheets around me were damp. What happened? And just like that, my mind came back with the answer: My fever broke. I did not know how I knew that. But I did. I opened my eyes. I was in a hospital bed, lying on my side at the edge of the mattress. My right arm was lying in front of my eyes. It was a battlefield of puncture marks and bruises, like I had had a dozen IVs inserted and removed. The current line was secured with more tape than I‟d ever seen on one arm in my life. I didn‟t know where I was. The last thing I could remember was an American man with a kind face asking me what my name was. And asking me to spell it for him. Twice. I remembered thinking with dark hilarity that I was dying of pneumonia in a refugee camp, and all this man cared about was the correct spelling of Nariovski. And it wasn‟t a difficult name to spell, even by western standards. Now I was here. Did I still have pneumonia? I took an experimental deep breath inward and was unable to prevent a gasp of pain. Both lungs by the feel of it. At my sound, the arm wrapped firmly around my waist pulled tighter and a hand started to rub my stomach gently. I could hear Bella‟s voice at my ear, whispering softly, telling me I was all right and not to be afraid. “I‟m 28, mana mīla. Why do you speak to me as if I were a child?” I growled. Then I stopped, shocked. I wasn‟t surprised Bella was here – wherever here was. My awareness of her was bone deep, and I knew she had been with me for some days now. How this was possible, I did not know – but I intended to find out very soon. What was shocking was the sound of my voice … cracked and feeble, like an old man‟s voice.

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Bella stiffened at my words. She released me and slid out of bed, coming around to check my monitors. Then she turned and looked at me. “Tas ir jums, vai ne, Edvard?” (It‟s you, isn‟t it, Edward?) she said. She spoke casually with a smirk on her face, but I could feel relief radiating off her. I felt confused, a feeling I did not enjoy. “Of course it is me,” I replied crossly. “Who were you expecting?” “It‟s been hard to tell lately,” she said, walking away toward the door. I sat up fast, causing my head to spin. “Wait!” Bella turned back, her face concerned. “Where … where are you going?” I asked, feeling foolish. “To get Raj.” She saw my blank look. “One of the doctors here. I want him to check you out now that you‟re conscious again.” And she started back out the door once more. “Bella, wait,” I said again. Bella turned, her eyebrow raised. “Where is here?” Her face puckered, as if she were trying to cover some strong emotion. “We‟re in Latvia. At the base camp of an aid agency coalition. You are safe here.” She took a cell phone out of her pocket and handed it to me. “I told your parents yesterday that we had found you. There‟s a text message on there for you from them … you should read it. And send one of you own. Do not use any names, especially your own. Refer to yourself as Vanguard.” And she ducked out of the room. ~~ - ~~ BPOV That was awkward. Which was to be expected. Edward would remember very little of the last few days, if anything. And he had woken up in a hospital bed with me wrapped around him. He probably thought I was a crazy stalker girl. I returned a few minutes later with Raj, then retreated to the nurse‟s chair a few feet away. I saw Edward‟s eyes follow me, then turn back to Raj. “Dr. Cullen? Raj Patel. It‟s a pleasure to see you looking so much better.” Raj began his examination, explaining about the pneumonia and his overall condition. Edward looked resigned at the news that he‟d lose two or three of his toes. “May I eat?” he asked when Raj was done. “Liquids only for today, please. I‟ll have someone bring you something. We‟ll see how you‟re doing tomorrow. Anything else we can get for you?” “A set of scrubs, please,” Edward said grouchily. “And … perhaps … a shower?” Raj looked doubtful – probably didn‟t want Edward out of bed today. “Please?” “I‟ll keep an eye on him while he showers, Raj,” I said. Incredibly, Edward blushed when I said that, and Raj smothered a smile. “Enough,” I growled, going bright red. “And get him a toothbrush too, would you?”

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“Sure Bella,” said Raj, making goo-goo eyes at me behind Edward‟s back. This was so fucking humiliating. He left to go track down food and essentials for Edward, and the two of us were left with burning faces in the most awkward silence ever. I couldn‟t even make eye contact with him. “Mana mīla,” he suddenly said, “what are you doing here?” Oh God, here it comes. I was abruptly terrified. “I am the leader of an international coalition of aid agencies, providing assistance to the refugees in the Valka camp,” I said stiffly. There was more silence. Reluctantly, I looked up at him. He looked shocked. “What?” I asked, irritated. “Surely you know what I do for a living by now.” He didn‟t respond, and Raj returned to the room. Edward made a face at the jello and broth, but he slurped it down immediately. “Out, Bella,” Raj said, pulling the curtain between us. A few minutes later, Edward‟s IV was capped, his catheter out and he was on his feet. “His toes will get wet, but we‟ll deal with that later,” he said. Edward ignored the arm that Raj offered him in support, and we walked down the hall to the showers. Raj dragged a chair into the shower, rolled his eyes suggestively at me and vanished. Better take control of this situation before it takes control of me. “I‟ll start your shower. Then you get in there – sit, don‟t stand,” I said, pointing at the shower stall and chair. “Take off your clothes, and throw them over the curtain to me. I‟ll hand you your towel and new clothes when you‟re done. OK?” He nodded. “And you‟re going to talk to me while you‟re in there, so I know you‟re still alive.” Two minutes later, I was flinging Edward‟s hospital gown into the laundry. Steam billowed out of the stall, and I could hear a lot of splashing. I had to smile. “How long has it been since you‟ve had a hot shower?” I asked. “Oh God, I cannot even remember,” he groaned. “Months. Most of the time, we washed in cold water in a bucket. This is the best shower of my life.” Then there was a startled gasp and silence. “Are you OK? Edward?” I was at the curtain in a heartbeat. “My hair. It is gone.” “We had to shave it off. You were infested with lice. Alice had no choice.” More silence. “Alice is here? And Jasper as well?” “Yes. As the lead organization in the coalition, we were permitted to bring three members of our home office staff.” There were scrubbing sounds as Edward washed six months of filth off his body. I couldn‟t imagine how good he must feel right now. And I tried very hard not to think about the fact that he was naked, in a shower, a few feet away from me. This was hardly the time or place to start thinking about … that. While he soaked under the hot spray, I took a fast shower myself. A cold one. He looked exhausted but clean when he came out. It was amazing the difference in him after just a few days – his face had filled out now that he was properly hydrated. His skin looked dramatically better. But he still looked funny to me without his hair. “What?” he asked, noticing my gawking.

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“Just looking at you,” I said defensively. “I haven‟t seen you for a while, you know. Now do me a favor and brush your teeth. The thought of your oral hygiene right now is giving me the creeps.” ~~ - ~~ I could tell that it took all of his strength to walk back to the infirmary. Not that he would admit it – or take my arm for support. But he didn‟t waste any time crawling back into bed. Within a minute or two, he was snoring softly. I hooked up his lines again – I was getting quite good at rough-and-ready field medicine. Then I sat down on the bed beside him to work. A few moments later, I felt a nudge. Then another one. I lifted my arm, and he snuggled in against my body. I tried to concentrate on getting my work done, but it wasn‟t easy. Especially when he flung his arm over my ribs and pulled me insistently against him. I shut off the computer, tossed it on to the bedside table and wrapped myself around him. I had lived too long not knowing if he were alive or dead to waste these moments. ~~ - ~~ I didn‟t know what time it was when I awoke. When I opened my eyes, his face was inches from mine. His eyes were open. “Hi,” I said softly. He smiled. “You know … this is the first time we have ever shared a bed,” he said. “Unless you count the last few nights, yes,” I replied. His brow furrowed. “Your fever was extremely high – at one point, you were at 107 degrees. You became disoriented at times, and you wandered.” “Where did I wander to?” “The same place every time,” I said, blushing. “My bed. Eventually Alice gave in and allowed me to share your bed so you wouldn‟t pull your lines out looking for me anymore.” His cheeks went pink. “I thought maybe you were testing out some new hospital bed allocation system,” he said with an embarrassed laugh. There was a silence, and then his face went very serious. “Bella … I am fairly certain that I asked you not to follow me to Arivistan. Did I not?” I bit my lip and nodded. “Mana mīla,why did you not listen to me?” “Edward, you should rest …” “I am resting. See? I am lying down. I ate my lunch and took my medications. Now please tell me. Everything.” Alice will kill me for stressing him out the same day he recovered consciousness. But I was helpless to deny him … anything. “I will tell you the story of what happened after you disappeared,” I said slowly. “But you have to promise not to lose your temper.” “I promise to try,” he said, twining his fingers through mine. So I told him. About receiving the last message from him. About forming the coalition. I even told him about the New York Times story with my picture on page three. (He liked that.) The lunches with his parents. Pulling the mission together. The endless diplomacy with Kartesia. Our achievements at the camp.

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As I talked, I watched him struggle with his emotions. I paused for a moment, knowing that the things I would tell him next would be the hardest for him. “Do you want me to go on?” I asked. There was a long pause. “Yes,” he said in a low voice. I described my interaction with the Commandant. And the mental game of chess I had won to secure Edward‟s life. I even told him about the two Kartesian soldiers who were on this base right now, to ensure his eventual return. I told him all of it. Except how I got the wound on my forehead, even when he asked. That I could not tell him. Not yet. He had struggled manfully with his anger throughout the entire story, and I couldn‟t … couldn’t … tell him what I had been willing to do to seal the deal. Another time, I said. I got to the end and waited for the explosion. Edward‟s hand was clamped so hard around mine that some of my fingers were going numb. I could hear him gritting his teeth in the silence. His face was hanging down, looking at the sheets. I couldn‟t see his expression. “You‟re very angry, aren‟t you?” I asked. He nodded stiffly. “I knew you would be. But I had to do this. I would have done it regardless of whether you were in Arivistan or not because that is my job. This is what I do, Edward.” “You took so many more risks … did so many more dangerous things … because of me.” “Yes, I did,” I said candidly. “Risks that I never would have taken had you not been caught up in this war. Risks that, in the end, paid off for many people besides you and me. There are more than 100,000 Arivistanians in that camp, Edward. More will live because of what I did to find you. Perhaps it will help if you look at it that way.” I put a finger under his chin and tilted his face up to me. His features were utterly still – but in his eyes I could see the wildly shifting array of emotions. Humiliation. Shock. Gratitude. Disgust. Confusion. And dominating it all, the black Nariovski rage that had undone us a thousand times before. Then his eyes went blank. Edward was retreating into himself, to a place that even I could not follow. I took that as my signal to leave. I didn‟t know what time it was – judging by the light through the window, it must be midafternoon. I could get a few hours‟ work done in my office before the rest of the team returned. I pried my hand loose from his fingers and slid off the bed, picking up my laptop and notes from the bedside table. This would do for now; I‟d come back for the rest of my things later, when he was asleep. “Where are you going?” he asked in a monotone as I headed toward the door. I stopped but didn‟t turn around because I didn‟t want him to see the tears in my eyes. Edward was not the only one with pride in this room. “You appear to need some time to think through what I have told you,” I said neutrally. “And now that you are fully conscious again, there is no need for me to stay with you here at night. I am returning to my quarters.” There was silence behind me, so I continued toward the door. “Please do not go.” I stopped again. This was … unexpected. “Are you not angry?” I asked in confusion.

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“Yes, very much so.” “And do you not require some time to think about all I have told you?” “Yes, I do.” I could hear him shift a little in the bed. “But that does not mean you have to leave. There is much for me to come to terms with, mana mīla, but I do not wish to be away from you anymore. Even when I am angry.” I turned slowly back to him, blinking my eyes to get rid of the betraying tears. His eyes flickered up to mine; he was not fooled. We stood there looking at each other for a moment. I had lived too long not knowing if he were alive or dead ... I returned to his bed and climbed in beside him. I left some space between us and opened my laptop. I started to work. And Edward thought. It was quiet, but not entirely awkward. New ground, for both of us. After a while, I felt Edward slide closer to me, his leg twining around mine and his head rubbing against my arm. I smiled. Who would have known there was a snuggly Edward inside this prickly, difficult man, just waiting to come out every time he fell asleep? “What is so funny, mana mīla?” he asked. I jumped, letting out a little squeak of surprise. “You startled me,” I gasped. “I thought you were asleep.” “Why? Because I touched you? You think that the only time I wish to hold you is when I am asleep?” I felt my composure deserting me rapidly. I shot a sideways glance down at him and wished I hadn‟t. He looked very appealing, even in a hospital bed. My cell phone rang, causing both of us to jump. Saved by the bell, I thought, snatching it up. Very few people had called me since I had arrived here, mostly wrong numbers. My friends and colleagues knew better than to call me in the field. “Hello?” I could hear a strange noise in the background, and then a familiar voice came through the phone. “Bells? Is that you? It‟s Emmett.” “Emmett! God, man, it‟s the middle of the night back home” I spoke quickly to cut him off before he said anything. “Remember this is an open line. No names.” “Yeah, sure, I remember. But listen …” I could hear the strange sound in the background get louder, and I suddenly knew why he was calling. I nudged Edward who was sitting up in bed, excited. I put the phone on speaker, and the lusty bawling of a baby suddenly filled the room. “Nine pounds, one ounce!” Emmett shouted. “A healthy boy. Bella, he‟s so beautiful!” “I‟ve got you on speaker, Em. How‟s Rose?” I asked. “Rose is fantastic – absolutely amazing. You should have seen her, she was a champ. And I saw him coming out, I was right there!” Emmett‟s joy was overflowing. “And what‟s his name?” I asked. There was a silence on the line. “It‟s OK to say the name?” I rolled my eyes.

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“Yes, Emmett. He‟s your son, you can say the name.” “Bells, we named him … we named him Edward Rain McCarty.” Emmett voice was choked with emotion. I saw Edward‟s jaw drop open in shock. “Go on,” I said to him in a low voice, gesturing to the phone. “Say something.” For a moment, I thought Edward was too overwhelmed to speak. “Bella? Bella? Shit, Rose, I think we got cut off.” “Watch your language in front of the baby,” I heard Rosalie‟s voice order from the background. Edward picked up the phone and brought it closer to him. “You took a good first name like Edward and gave him a trendy, metrosexual middle name like Rain?” he asked. There was silence at the end of the phone. “Bella, who just said that? That isn‟t …” “Yeah, it is,” I said with a huge smile. “He‟s right here with me. We‟re in Latvia, Emmett. And everything‟s going to be OK.” “Oh my God. Oh my God. I can‟t believe it. I think … I think I‟m going to have a heart attack,” Emmett said shakily. “How did you do it, Bella?” “Long story, Em. We‟ll tell you when we get home.” “How? When?” The questions fell into the middle of the room and lay there. Edward looked over at me – I‟m sure he wouldn‟t mind knowing the answers to those questions as well. “Not totally sure yet, but I‟ve got a plan. Don‟t worry. We‟re both coming home … very soon.”

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Ch 13 – Buying Time

February 14, 2009 BPOV Edward was sleeping again when everyone returned from the camp in late afternoon. I left him in the infirmary and went back to work. Alice‟s news was cautiously optimistic. It had now been 48 hours since we had discovered that the pneumonia plaguing the camp was caused by P. aeruginosa. All the patients in the camp infirmary were loaded up with the appropriate antibiotics, most on their way to recovery. “We‟ve only lost three patients to it since,” she said, “and their situations were complicated by other health factors.” Still, I could see the unhappy set of her mouth when she said it – Alice hated losing any patient, no matter how far gone. Intimate contacts with the existing cases had been rounded up and inoculated, and a widespread vaccination program was next on the list. “We can combine it with a more conventional vaccine program – typhoid, hepatitis, anything else that might be a risk in a camp this size. I need more supplies – antibiotics, gloves, syringes, hypos ... everything for a mass inoculation campaign,” she added. “We‟ve got a lot of that on hand now, so take what you need to start. I‟ll get you more within 48 hours. Anything else happening?” “Yeah, four more cases of dysentery,” she said grumpily. Despite being a doctor – and a field doctor at that – Alice had an intense personal dislike of diarrheal diseases in her ward. They were so ... messy. “Tough,” I said with a grin. “I‟ll order more bedpans.” “Your lack of sympathy is noted,” Alice said, making a face. “When we get back to New York, your punishment will be to come shopping with me at Barneys for the day.” I rolled my eyes and turned to the Rev for an account of his interactions with the Commandant. Commandant Aro had been most intrigued by the team‟s efforts to stop the spread of the pneumonia, according to the Rev. He had asked many questions about Edward‟s condition, as well as my well-being. “I think he misses you,” said the Rev uncomfortably. “But here‟s the kicker. He wants either Sergei or Sevastian to report into him tomorrow for the day. Then return to camp with us in the evening. Double-checking our story, no doubt.” There was a long, uneasy silence. There was no way the guards could have overlooked the fact that I was sleeping in the same bed with our so-called guinea pig patient. Commandant Aro would no doubt find that interesting in the extreme. “I‟ll take care of that,” I said. Everyone turned to look at me. “You‟re not going to do anything ... rash, are you Bella?” asked the Rev cautiously. “Hardly. I‟m going to make them an offer they can‟t refuse. Just let me make one phone call first.” ~~ - ~~

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The phone was picked up at the other end almost immediately. “Hello?” “It‟s me. Open line, no names.” Not that I needed to remind this particular person about the protocol. “Understood. How‟s everything? Things are … better, I hope?” “Very much so,” I said with a smile, and I could practically hear the relief at the other end of the line. “You two can talk in a minute. First, I need a favor. A pretty big favor, and you‟re the only person important enough to pull it off. I‟m going to send you an encrypted email in a few minutes – are you near a computer? To give me a really fast answer, yes or no?” “Absolutely. I‟ll be waiting for it.” We exchanged a few more pleasantries while I walked over to the infirmary. I peeked in, and saw Edward in bed, awake, looking grumpy and bored. He brightened as soon as he saw me. “OK, hang on,” I said, then extended the phone to Edward. “Don‟t use any names,” I warned him. He nodded, and put the phone to his ear. “Hello?” he said cautiously. Then his eyes widened with surprise and happiness. “Yes, it‟s really me. I‟m OK. Really, I‟m OK … no, don‟t cry.” But I could see tears in his eyes too as I left the room with my laptop under my arm. Sometimes, a man needed privacy when he talked to his dad. ~~ - ~~ Shortly after I sent my email, the response came back. Bella, First, Minka and I send our undying thanks for finding Edward and bringing him this far. There are no words to describe how grateful we are. I know you have much more work to do in order to get him the rest of the way home. I’m happy to tell you that your request can definitely be accommodated. I called my contacts in the proper department, and they can make the arrangements. It is not unusual for these kinds of requests to be managed quickly and discretely in situations such as this. Here’s the information we will need when the time comes... I sighed in relief, and headed to my quarters. Dug into my bag and found what I was looking for. Took what I needed and left the rest behind. Then I walked out with everything jammed under my arm, to find Sergei and Sevastian. They were, not surprisingly, outside having a smoke. I invited them both inside to a small meeting room, and closed the door. One by one, I put my items on the table between us. “Gentlemen,” I said in Kartesian. They both looked at me impassively. They were fully armed, I noted. “Your Commandant requests one of you return to the camp tomorrow and spend the day with him, while other remains here to guard to the prisoner.” Sergei and Sevastian glanced at each other, then back at me. “The Commandant will want a full report,” said Sergei gravely. “Do you want us to tell him that your Arivistanian lover is making a full recovery?” I resisted the urge to make a rude comment.

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“No, I don‟t think that would be wise,” I said calmly, opening the bottle of vodka I had brought in and pouring three glasses. We didn‟t have shot glasses in the facility, so I used rather large water glasses instead. “Your health,” I said, toasting them. Both of them drank the glasses straight down. My eyes widened, and they grinned at me. "In fact, I would like you to tell the Commandant a different story,” I said. “Not dramatically different, just a little different.” I refilled their glasses. “And what do you offer us in return for this different story?” Sevastian asked. “Naturally, we would like you to remain as our guests here,” I said. “Continue to enjoy our food and drink, our hospitality.” I knew that the accommodations here were much more luxurious than those the Kartesian soldiers were stuck with at the refugee camp. We had hot water, electricity, Internet and a host of other amenities. “You may, of course, keep the remaining vodka. And help yourself to the second bottle as well.” I gestured toward the table where an unopened bottle sat waiting. “And you may share the contents of that envelope.” A plain brown envelope sat on the table as well. There was a moment of silence, and Sevastian picked it up and opened it. His big fingers were surprisingly dainty as he carefully counted the bills inside. Sevastian turned to Sergei and gave a slight nod, then turned back to me. “For this, we can tell a different story.” I smiled faintly and picked up the vodka. Their glasses were empty again. Mine was pretty much full. “To doing business together, today and in the future. If this transaction goes well, I envision we will have a very prosperous arrangement over the next little while,” I said, toasting. Their eyes lit up as they considered the potential for future rewards as well as the one on the table in front of them. This time, we all put empty glasses back down on the table. I had just bought us some time. “Here is what I‟d like you to tell Commandant Aro...” ~~ - ~~ February 15, 2009 Sharing a bed with Edward when he was unconscious was one thing. Sharing a bed with Edward when he was fully aware was quite another. I admit I was chickenshit and waited until he was asleep before crawling in beside him. He was warm. And he smelled delicious. And he was Edward. And I'd chugged a huge vodka not that long ago. He’s sick. And has enough medication running through his veins to drop a charging rhino in its tracks. Do NOT think of anything remotely sexual. It still took a while for me to settle down enough to finally sleep. Plus I was up twice in the night to change his IV fluids. And we were both up God knows how many times with his long, rattling coughing fits caused by the pneumonia. In other words, a restless night. We both finally fell into a deep sleep in the early morning hours, and I awoke as the sun was rising. Edward and I were spooned against each other, his leg flung heavily over mine and his arm tight around me. His rhythmic breathing ruffled my hair. I felt like I‟d died and gone to heaven.

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I knew I had to get up to consult with the Rev before he went into camp, but I couldn‟t bring myself to move just yet. Too comfortable. Too warm. I felt a shock of arousal shoot through my body as Edward moved his fingers. A moan jolted out of my mouth in response. I looked down and saw his hand wrapped firmly around my breast. His long fingers twitched in his sleep again, brushing against the hard tip and sending another crazy wave of desire through me. Shitshitshit.... I have never wanted a man so badly in my whole life. But we could not let the genie out of the bottle. Once we started, we would not be able to stop. I had to get him away from Commandant Aro and back to the United States – without endangering a camp full of innocent people and the mission itself. I was not going to be able to do that in the midst of a lust-filled haze. Plus, Alice would kill me if we destroyed her infirmary in a sexual frenzy. I gently removed his hand from my breast and wiggled out of bed. He made a small sound of disappointment as I slipped from his grasp. I turned back and gave him a lingering kiss on the edge of his mouth before I left. ~~ - ~~ I stood beside the Rev‟s Jeep as he prepared to drive into camp, repeating to him the exact same story I‟d given to Sergei and Sevastian last night. “I need time, Dave. Just buy me some time. That‟s all I ask.” “You know I‟ll do my best, Bella,” he said and headed out. I stood there watching the convoy roll out, wishing I could go with them. But my work was here now. With a sigh, I walked back to the infirmary. Edward was awake, sitting up in bed and finishing a tray of eggs and toast, his first solid food in several days. “Good?” I asked. He let out an ecstatic whimper. “Want more?” Much nodding. I walked down the hallway and got him seconds, which he attacked with a frightening amount of zeal. When he came back from his shower, I was sitting cross legged on his bed with a serious look on my face. “I am in trouble?” he asked lightly, sitting down beside me. I made sure his feet were dry, applied the aloe cream that Raj had prescribed him, then started wrapping his toes the way Alice showed me. “Yesterday, I talked. Today, you talk,” I said. “I need you to answer some questions for me, starting with this one – where is your passport? I somehow doubt it‟s stuffed in your pants pocket.” “Ah,” he said. “It‟s in Riga. I left it and all my other identification there in a safe place before I left to cross the border into Arivistan. It can be easily retrieved.” He let out a long sigh. “I gather from the conversations I have had with you – and also with my parents last night – that I am expected to return to the United States without delay.” “Well, we can‟t put you on a plane at this point – you‟re still carrying a highly infectious pneumonia. Alice figures we need at least a few more days to ensure you‟re not going to relapse, and to know that the antibiotics have scrubbed the last of the bacteria from your system.” I pulled the last bandage taut and tucked the end in neatly. “But the sooner we get you on a plane back to New York City, the happier I‟ll be.” I risked a look up at his face ... it was dark and moody, but not quite as angry as I thought it would be. “How do you feel about leaving here?” I asked.

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“How do you think I feel?” he shot back icily. “I came here to help liberate my country. Until the Kartesians blew up our resistance cell, I was helping in some small way to do just that. When we were attacked, I was lucky to escape the incursion with my life. I made my way south to the border in the freezing cold and ended up in the refugee camp. Where,” he concluded bitterly, “I had to be rescued ... by a woman.” It was impossible not to feel stung by his lack of gratitude. “Yes, I‟m sure that‟s very damaging to your pride,” I said coldly; he gave me a foul look. “Edward, I‟m not forcing you to do anything,” I pointed out. “If you wish, you can finish up getting better, and then walk right back across that border into Arivistan. You are not being held here against your will.” He snorted in disbelief, and my lips pressed into a hard line. “I am not your gaoler, Edward. I mean it – you are free to go, I will not stop you.” He looked at me for a long moment, bitterness burning in every line of his beautiful face. “There is no point in returning,” he finally said in a low voice. “The Kartesians are too well armed, too entrenched. We were one of the last resistance cells when we were broken. The resistance is over, Isabella – it was over before it started. I am more than willing to give my life for Arivistan – but I will not throw it away uselessly.” I felt my heart break at little at his words. Arivistan was so beautiful, its culture so unique. That the little country would become part of the huge, homogenous Kartesian empire was devastating to me, and I was not even a native of the country. “You may yet be able to make a difference,” I said softly. “The resistance can continue on the diplomatic front. The UN and NATO cannot ignore this outrageous occupation much longer, no matter how important Kartesia is economically to the world. The pressure on them to intervene is mounting daily. Your first-hand accounts of what has happened, the refugee camp – they could be incredibly valuable in rallying public interest and support.” Edward said nothing to this. I rose from the bed and busied myself around the infirmary, giving him some time. “I am sorry for my rudeness,” he said stiffly after a moment. “This is very difficult for me.” “I understand,” I said from the other side of the room. The strange thing was that I really did understand how he felt now, far better than when he first left back in July. “It is extremely painful to stand by while something – or someone – you love beyond words, beyond life, is in grave danger.” When I turned back, he was looking at me with the strangest expression. “What?” I asked, embarrassed. I really had no business pontificating on this topic. He was the one who had walked into a war zone to defend his country, not me. “It is nothing,” Edward said. “Or rather, it is not something for discussion right now. Come to me.” He patted the bed beside him. “Please.” When I climbed on to the bed, he surprised me by pulling me into his arms. We sat there together in silence, his hand stroking my hair. I rested my head on his chest, relishing the sound of every heartbeat against my ear. Edward, Edward, Edward. “What was it like ... in the resistance?” I asked softly, weaving our fingers together. “It was also the most meaningful work I have ever done in my life. Even more so than when I was in Uganda with MSF. I saved the lives of my comrades many times over. Good doctors were hard to come by in the resistance, and my experience as a field doctor was invaluable.” He paused for a moment. “And in truth, it was terrifying,” he said. Although his voice didn‟t falter, I could see goose bumps breaking out across his arms as he spoke. “I was afraid every minute. Especially when the Kartesians were bombing. Even when I was exhausted, I couldn‟t fall asleep at night because I was sure I would be murdered as I slept." There was a long silence, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I was so afraid, mana mīla.” “So was I. Every minute you were gone from me,” I whispered. His arms tightened around me, and we sat there for a long time like that. ~~ - ~~

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I was waiting outside when they returned from the camp. The Rev jumped out of the car and motioned me inside. Alice and Jasper joined us. “How much time do we have?” I asked, cutting to the chase. “Seven days,” the Rev replied. “The Commandant originally said four, but Sergei talked him round to seven. Not sure what you offered him – and it‟s probably better that I don‟t know,” said the Rev with a brief grin, “but it worked.” “Knew it would,” I said. “Seven days is … not too bad. I think we can make it happen in seven days. I turned to Alice. “My first question is whether you think Edward will be cleared to travel within seven days.” “For that, I need to examine him,” said Alice, with a faint smile. I groaned inwardly. I had a bad feeling that this had as much to do with Alice cross-examining him about his intentions toward me as it did checking his medical status. “Is he awake?” “He wasn‟t when I left,” I said sourly. “He is now,” came a gravelly voice behind us. Edward was standing in the doorway in his scrubs, looking annoyed. “I do not like being spoken about behind my back.” I rolled my eyes at him, and he glared back at me. Jasper had to turn away to hide his smile, and I wanted to kick him in the shins. “Now, now, kids,” said Alice, “save it for after school.” She danced past me, her face bright with anticipation. “Come on, Vanguard, let me check you over.” Edward followed after her reluctantly. “Why does everyone call me by this name?” I heard him ask plaintively as they vanished into the infirmary. ~~ - ~~ I finished up with the Rev and Jasper and returned to the infirmary as Alice was completing her examination. “Will the patient live, Doctor Brandon?” I asked. She stuck her tongue out at me, causing Edward to snort with laughter. I threw him a dirty look. “He‟ll be fine,” she said, then turned back to Edward. “I‟ve taken a throat swab for culturing to see if your antibiotics have done their job. But the short story is I expect you‟ll be able to fly well within seven days. Your ears might hurt like hell the whole time, but we‟ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” She gestured to his feet. “Not much we can do with your toes for now. The frostbite is third degree, and the damage is permanent by the looks of it. The antibiotics you‟re taking for the pneumonia are more than enough to protect you against any possible infection of the damaged tissue. Do you have a lot of pain?” “No,” he said gruffly, and I grunted skeptically. If I knew Edward, he‟d walk on those toes for a hundred miles before he admitted to having pain. “Good. It‟ll be a good six months before you can have the amputation surgery,” said Alice. “You‟re going to have some funny footprints after that.” She consulted Edward‟s chart briefly. “You‟re making an excellent recovery from your … ordeal … in the camp, I must say. You went back on solid food today, didn‟t you?” He nodded. “Good. You could stand to gain about 30 pounds, at least. Your hydration is beautiful. Peeing OK?” “Peeing just fine,” Edward said, looking embarrassed. “Does that mean we can take this out?” he asked, extending the arm with the IV hook up in it. Alice nodded and explained which of his meds he'd receive orally and which would be injected going forward. Then she started removing the layers of tape on his arm. I looked away, wincing, as Edward lost yet another swath of body hair to Alice‟s ministrations.

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“That really fucking hurt,” he growled, rubbing the bald spot on his arm. “Too bad,” she said unfeelingly. “That‟s your punishment for taking out so many IV lines and catheters when you were panting to climb into Bella‟s bed.” We both went scarlet at that. “Speaking of which …” said Alice cheerfully, and I suddenly wished for the floor to open up and swallow me “… you have your doctor‟s permission to resume sexual relations once you are able. Just take it easy at first – try not to exhaust yourself. Or break anything in my infirmary.” I walked away, singing loudly, my fingers in my ears. Seven days.

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Ch 14 – Revelations

February 15, 2009 BPOV As soon as I was out of eyeshot of the infirmary door, I actually ran. As in, ran away. I was mortified. I could only hope that the dressing down that Alice was about to receive from Edward helped her understand his limits better going forward. I skidded into the kitchen area and found Jasper rummaging in the little bar fridge, looking for a cold drink. Thank God. He was the only person I wanted to talk to right now. “What happened to you?” he asked, straightening up and offering me a bottle of water. “You look upset.” “Alice happened to me,” I said darkly, sitting down. “I can relate,” Jasper said, joining me. “Although it‟s been a while since I‟ve actually had to run from her. Let me guess ... something to do with Edward? Involving your relationship?” I eyed him with suspicion. “How did you know?” “Lucky guess,” he said sarcastically. “C‟mon, Bella. What else would it be? Alice is Alice, she‟s your best friend, and she wants you to be happy. I take it she‟s been giving you sex advice?” I could feel the telltale blush creeping up my face, and Jazzy raised an eyebrow. “I‟ll take that as a yes.” “Giving me advice is one thing. Giving sexual advice to the two of us during a medical exam is a bit over the top. Edward‟s probably ripping her a new one right now. And then I‟ll get the cold shoulder for the next 48 hours because he‟s pissed.” “Edward needs to take himself a little less seriously, Bella, and so do you. He‟s alive, for God‟s sake. You‟re together. You two should be humping like bunnies, not analyzing every word that passes between you.” “I don‟t want to hump like bunnies in the middle of an infirmary!” I hissed angrily. “There isn‟t even a door on the room, for God‟s sake. Do you think I want the whole strike team sharing in the experience? Jas, I‟ve waited nine years for this man – is it too much to want my first time with Edward to be special?” I floundered around, trying to come up with a good argument. “I mean ... look at you and Alice! I‟ve heard all about the first time you two made love - at her condo with the candles and rose petals and all that stuff.” Jasper looked at me, confused. “That wasn‟t the first time Alice and I made love,” he said. “Our first time was in the airplane washroom on our flight back from Darfur, the second time we were there. We were both out of our minds with lust. There was no way we were going to make it back to New York without screwing. We got off so fast that there wasn‟t even a queue when we left the bathroom.” He blushed and got a horny look in his eyes. I stared at him in horror. “I was on that flight – I was WITH you two,” I breathed. “You fucked Alice in the bathroom and then came back to your seat and kept talking to me, just like that?” “Well, you were asleep at the time,” Jazzy said lamely. I groaned and dropped my head to the table. It bounced right back up again when Alice sailed through the door.

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“My, he has a temper, doesn‟t he?” she said blithely, taking a blueberry yogurt out of the fridge. “That‟s good, though, it means he‟s probably very passionate in bed.” “Hail Mary, fulla grace,” I sighed, standing up from the table. “Alice, you and I are going to talk later about some of the lies you‟ve told me. Now, how angry was he when you left?” “Oh, he was fine,” she said with a smile. I didn‟t believe her, not one little bit. “He‟s waiting for you back in the infirmary. He asked me to send you back to him.” Alice grinned. “You know, if it were anyone else, I‟d say he wouldn‟t have a prayer of getting it up with all that medication in him, but he‟s clearly a special case.” “I‟m so done here,” I said, snatching up my water bottle and stalking to the door. “Thanks a whole bunch, Alice.” ~~ - ~~ I hid in my quarters for nearly three hours, until I was sure Edward would be asleep. Then I tiptoed back to the infirmary. Everything was quiet. Edward‟s breathing was soft and regular. I slid silently into bed, thanking God that I managed to avoid stumbling over something in the dark or stubbing my toe on the bed. Part me wanted to go back to my quarters and sleep there. Not because I didn‟t want to be with Edward – but because I wanted to be with Edward too much. Leave him alone – he needs time to recover. Hospital beds were most definitely not made for two, so I had no other choice but to sleep flush against him – as if that were a hardship. I sighed with pleasure as I pressed my body against his warm back. I slipped my arm around him, pulling myself a little closer and took two or three deep breaths. And relaxed. In a flash, Edward rolled over and was on top of me, his body pinning me to the bed. His hands were like steel around my wrists, pushing them up above my head. His knees came down between my thighs and pressed them open. He had me immobilized, admittedly without hurting me in any way. In the semi-darkness, I could see his face was contorted with rage just inches above mine. “Why are you here?” he snarled in Arivistanian. “Why do you sleep here with me every night other than to humiliate me?” His anger would have been truly terrifying – if I hadn‟t already seen him throw tantrums like this a dozen times before. And if I didn‟t find it so arousing being trapped under him while he went caveman above me. “You have made it amply clear that you no longer desire me, Isabella. Why then do you return to my bed?” If he hadn‟t had my arms pinned above my head, I would have almost certainly slapped my forehead in disgust. And possibly his as well. This could not be happening. “You are such a bloody fool,” I growled at him. And arched myself up off the bed to capture his mouth with mine. Edward stiffened in shock at first, then returned the kiss with bruising force. I rammed my tongue past his lips, sweeping over every inch of his mouth. It had been months since I‟d kissed Edward, and every nerve in my body went haywire when his lips opened under mine. His ferocity didn‟t frighten me – I knew him better than I knew myself, knew he would rather die than hurt any woman physically. For countless minutes, the two of us ravaged each other‟s mouths. Then slowly, his grip relaxed, and his kisses became unbearably sweet and seductive. My hips pushed up toward his. I slid my hands free and moved them down through his short, spiky hair to his back. My nails scraped up and down his back, scratching him through the light fabric of his scrubs, making him moan with pleasure. “Now do you believe that I still want you?” I finally whispered, moving my mouth away from his and stopping the movement of my hips.

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“Yes,” he said in a low voice. “Almost as much as I want you, mana mīla.” His words sent a shiver through my body. It took all my strength not to push my hips back up into his and start us going all over again. “I am sorry that you interpreted my distance as a lack of desire,” I murmured against his mouth. “I desire you more than any man on this earth. I cannot imagine wanting anyone more than I want you right now.” He growled in response, his hands sliding down to my hips. “But I am afraid, Edward.” He froze, and pulled back to look at my face. “Afraid? Of me?” His expression was horrified. “Did I hurt you just now? I … I did not mean to. I will be good to you, so good, just let me show you how wonderful I can make you feel.” He started to move down my body, but I put my hands on his shoulders to still him. “Edward, I am not afraid that you would not give me pleasure ... I am afraid that you would give me so much pleasure that I would not able to think straight anymore.” I let out a little shaky sigh. “And I have to be able to think. Because I do not ... I do not know yet how I am going to get you back to the United States without unleashing the Commandant‟s anger on the refugees and the mission. I have all the pieces of the puzzle, but I still don‟t see how they fit together.” I felt tears prickle at the corner of my eyes, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. “And I am afraid ... afraid that I won‟t figure it out in time.” Edward rolled off me and pulled me into his chest as I fell apart. I cried into his shirt for a while – it was such a relief not to hold it inside any longer. “Bella, you do not need to carry this on your shoulders alone anymore,” he finally said, his hands rubbing my back soothingly. “You have been magnificent – truly you have. But let me help you a little. Surely we can find a way to work together – instead of against one another - for once in our lives?” I felt some of the weight that had been pressing down on me ever since I had struck the deal with the Commandant lifting. He was right. I didn‟t have to do this on my own. “Yes,” I said. “We can do that. And ... I wonder if there is something else we might do as well.” I could feel his gaze on me in the darkness “There is nothing more I would like to do right now than have you. All night long. But since we have waited this long, perhaps we could wait just two more days? “I thought we might go to Riga the day after tomorrow to get your passport and identification. You will need it to reenter the US. And I thought ... perhaps ... we could stay overnight there,” I said, feeling incredibly shy. “In a nice hotel. So that our first time together could be special after all these years.” I was blushing like a maniac. “And perhaps a little more private than an infirmary with no door on it.” Edward‟s laughter rang out in the quiet room. It was the first time I had heard him laugh – really laugh – since we had found him in the camp. “Yes, mana mīla. I would like that too. More than you could ever know.” He cupped my face in his hands, his expression unexpectedly tender. “I have waited so many years for you, Bella. Two more days will not kill either of us.” ~~ - ~~ We spent most of the night talking. And kissing. OK, maybe it was mostly kissing. And touching. But what other couples took for granted – a night alone together in a warm bed in a safe place – was a luxury we had never had before. We talked about so many things – Arivistan, politics, the art of bribery, and the kind of world we wanted little Edward McCarty to grow up in. Small things we remembered about each other during our year together in GYL. About those five lonely months on the road when I refused to speak to him.

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“Did you send Tanya to come talk to me that night?” I asked him. He was busy dropping a line of slow kisses along my collarbone, making it very difficult for me to concentrate. “Yes,” he admitted. “You were such a pussy.” He grinned and continued his line of kisses down between my breasts, kissing everywhere except exactly where I needed him the most. I could feel Edward‟s hard length pushing against my thigh, and I made a mental note to tell Alice that he was indeed a special case. “What would I do without you?” I asked sleepily a little while later from the safety of his arms. “I have asked myself that question quite a few times as well,” he responded softly. And we both fell asleep. ~~ - ~~ February 16, 2009 As usual, I got up with the sun to see the team off to the camp. I told the Rev that Edward and I were going into Riga tomorrow for 24 hours or so, and to give us a list of anything that needed to be picked up while we were there. “You sure it‟s safe for you and your young man to be out and about?” he asked. “If the Commandant finds out, he‟ll think you‟ve flown the coop for sure. And then we‟ll have an almighty flap on our hands.” I added a note to my to-do list: Have another “chat” with Sergei and Sevastian. “We‟ll be fine, Dave, no worries. Edward needs to pick up his passport and ID, and I‟m not letting him go alone to Riga. We‟ll be there and back before you know it.” “I know, Bella … I just worry too much.” He grinned at me. “I‟m an old man, not a fearless young thing like you.” I whacked him on the shoulder, and the convoy roared off. ~~ - ~~ When I saw Alice that evening, she was practically dancing with excitement. “I heard you‟re going into the city tomorrow,” she sang, clapping her hands with manic glee, “with your boyyyyyyfriend! I‟m so happy for you guys … finally together after all these years. So romantic!” She grabbed my hand and lowered her voice. “Do you have something pretty to wear to bed tomorrow night?” Lord, have mercy and strike me dead right now. “Alice, we‟re in a war zone. I don‟t bring come-fuck-me lingerie on field missions.” “Well, it‟s a good thing I‟m here,” she said. “I figured you wouldn‟t plan ahead for this possibility, so I brought you something – just in case.” She dug into her bag and came up with a small, flat package wrapped in tissue. “Alice, I …” I was at a loss for words. On one hand, I wanted to kill her for being so … Alice. But on the other hand, I was overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness – and for such a tangible demonstration that she had believed all along that we would find Edward. I took the tissue-wrapped item from her fingers and opened it. Inside was a white silk peignoir set … modest and sexy at the same time. It was stunning. “Do you like it?” she asked, her eyes bright.

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“I love it,” I said, my voice trembling. “And I love you, Alice. Thank you.” I had to admit that her gift was also badly needed – I had a vision of the most anticipated night of my life to date with me wearing an oversized t-shirt. “I figured he‟d be the kind to go for something virginal,” she said, and I rolled my eyes. “How do you feel?” she asked. “Honestly?” I said. “I am beyond nervous.” I bit my lip and looked at her, feeling like an idiot. “It‟s like I‟m a virgin all over again. My stomach is upset, and I keep getting the chills. He‟s always had the ability to reduce me to a pile of mush – now it‟s a hundred times worse, knowing that we‟re finally going to …” “That‟s very cute,” sighed Alice. “Just like when Jasper and I met. Only more romantic.” “There‟s nothing romantic about me spending the whole night in the bathroom because my nerves have gotten to me,” I grumbled. ~~ - ~~ I went through the same bribery routine with Sergei and Sevastian, explaining to them that Edward and I would be leaving the camp for 24 hours or so, and that we would return after that. This time, I had cigarettes and a brown envelope of Kartesian cash in exchange for their silence. Sevastian took the cigarettes and shared them out with Sergei. But he took the envelope and pushed it back to me. “This is not required, Bella.” “Not required?” I said in disbelief. “Isn‟t this the whole point of a bribe?” Both of them chuffed out laughter at me. “Usually, yes. But sometimes, it is the custom of our people to return the gratuity to the person who gave it. As a sign of goodwill.” My mouth was hanging open; I had never anticipated this. “You are a good woman, brave woman. We show respect to you by giving this gift back to you.” And he pressed the envelope back into my hands. ~~ - ~~ When bedtime came, I went down the hall to the infirmary, my stomach jumping all over the place. Sweat was breaking out on my forehead. I tapped on the door frame; Edward sat up in bed. We looked at each other with very similar expressions, and I giggled. “I have the feeling you and I are about to tell each other the same thing,” I said. I sat down beside him, and he immediately pulled me into his arms and started kissing me. “I‟m sorry, mana mīla,” he started nervously, between kisses, “but …” “… I can‟t stay here with you tonight,” I finished for him. He smelled so good. “Because I‟m not going to be able to wait one more night if you are here with me in my bed,” Edward breathed, his hands ghosting over my chest. I arched my back, pushing my breasts into his hands. “… and last night was absolute torture because I wanted you so much every minute of the night.” I said, letting my hand drift over the growing bulge in his scrubs. “We appear to be on the same page, for once in our lives,” he laughed, putting his hand over mine and pushing my palm harder into his erection. I groaned and knocked him down on to the bed. We lay there, making out like a couple

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of teenagers until we were interrupted by someone clearing their throat loudly at the door. Both of us shot up and away from each other, mortified at being caught. Jasper was standing there, an amused grin on his face. “The Rev asked me to give you a list of things to pick up in Riga while you‟re there tomorrow.” He ambled in and handed me a handwritten list. “And Alice wanted you to have this,” he said to Edward, tossing him something wrapped in a plastic bag. Edward opened the bag, looked inside and turned red. “Tell her I appreciate her thoughtfulness and to mind her own damn business next time,” he growled. Jas winked at me and left the room. I could hear him chuckling in the hall. “What‟s in the bag?” I asked. Edward made a face and tossed me a box of condoms. “Jesus Christ,” I said. “This place is nuts.” I got up off the bed, straightened my clothes and leaned over to kiss Edward good night one more time. Which turned into several more kisses. “See you tomorrow,” I said. “Sleep well.” “Right,” he said sarcastically, shifting the bulge in his pants. Six days. ~~ - ~~ February 17, 2009 EPOV I woke up after a night of erotic dreams about Bella with a raging hard on. How can one person have such an effect on me? And be so completely unaware of it? I got up, checked to make sure the hallway was clear and went to the showers as quickly as possible – which admittedly was not very fast yet. Having a hot shower was still one of the best parts of my day. Although today, a cold shower might have been a better choice. I stood under the hot spray for at least 10 minutes, enjoying every second of it. I looked down – I still had the same problem I had entered the shower with. Since I was the only one around – the majority of the team already having left for camp - I took matters into my own hand. My cock practically sighed in relief as I started stroking. I thought what tonight would be like when I finally got to bed the woman who had haunted me for the last nine years. The little fiery beauty who had captured my heart almost from the first moment we met. Tonight, I would finally be the one who took off her clothes, ran my hands and mouth over every inch of her body and pleasured her until she cried my name. I was thinking about how it would feel when she came in my mouth when my own orgasm hit me with such force and intensity that I couldn‟t hold back a gasp of pleasure. I was still releasing convulsively when the sound of a voice – her voice – nearly frightened me out of my wits. “I hear you‟re enjoying your shower,” Bella said teasingly from just outside. “You know, you sound really sexy in there.” I whipped my hand off my dick like it was on fire, terrified that she knew what I was doing in here. I took a deep breath, made sure all the evidence had been washed down the drain and shut off the water. I wrapped my towel around my waist and came out, dripping wet.

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“You are a dirty-minded woman,” I said, grabbing her and pushing my wet body against her. Bella shrieked and tried to twist away. We ended up against the wall, her thin scrubs soaking wet and my towel more off than on. Bella quickly reached down and ran her hand slowly up and down my shaft, making me instantly hard - again. “Stop that,” I said, pushing her hand away. “I just now managed to get rid of that again, and I cannot drive all the way to Riga bursting out of my pants.” “Aha, so you WERE doing something naughty in there when I came in!” she cried. “I knew it.” I felt my face turning red. I pushed her back into the wall and ground against her, making her moan in a most enticing way. “Yes, you make me touch myself,” I whispered. “Do I make you do the same?” “You always have,” Bella replied breathlessly. “I can‟t tell you how many times I‟ve thought of you while I pleasured myself.” My cock twitched wildly at this piece of information. “I have only ever thought of you when I am coming … even when I have been with other men.” I nearly climaxed right then when she said that. I could feel control slipping away from me as the sexual tension that had been building between us these last few days took over. Hitching my towel more firmly around me, I slid one hand down into her scrubs. “No underwear, mana mīla?” I breathed into her ear. “You have become more daring as of late?” My fingers slid through her soft curls, and I moaned at how wet she was. I ran one finger up and down her slippery softness, gently circling her clit. I slipped my other hand under her shirt to stroke her nipples, making them deliciously hard. Her skin felt burning hot under fingers. Bella grabbed my ass through the towel and rubbed herself shamelessly against my hand, her gasps turning into high-pitched cries of pleasure. The feeling of her getting so much delight from my touch was incredibly arousing, and I was aching for release again. A moment later, Bella suddenly cried out and stiffened. I pulled my hand out of her shirt and put it over her mouth to stifle the scream that was right below the surface. I watched her face, mesmerized, as she climaxed against me. Bella leaned against my shoulder, panting. Then she reached down and found my painfully erect cock, wrapping her warm little hand around it. Her touch was firm, and she seemed to automatically know every movement that delighted me. In an embarrassingly short period of time, I orgasmed hard against my towel, unable to hold back any longer. “Oh mana mīla, I think we both needed that very badly,” I panted. “You are ... everything I have always dreamed you‟d be.” “Ummmm,” moaned Bella into my shoulder. “As are you.” I caught my breath, and Bella gently pushed me back from her. “I think you need to take another shower since you made a mess in your towel,” she said. “And I need to take a shower too. Join me?” “Not if we want to get to Riga before nightfall,” I said, kissing her. ~~ - ~~ We got into the SUV an hour later and bounced along the dreadful road to the town of Valka, then turned south to Riga. Bella had agreed I should drive, which was good since she looked like the rough ride was not agreeing with her. She looked a little green by the time we got to the good road. “I‟m OK,” she said. “But someone should call the Latvian Public Works department about that road.” I grinned at her and merged into the wild Latvian highway traffic. Bella clenched her eyes shut and scrunched down in her seat. A few minutes later, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. I smiled at the sight of her curled up in the seat. But

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even in her sleep, she seemed to protest against my driving, wincing and moaning every time I jammed on the brakes or swerved too violently. Typical American. It took well over three hours to get to Riga, complicated primarily by the fact that Bella had the world‟s tiniest bladder and made me stop three times for bathroom breaks. I thought back, trying to remember if she was like that on the road, but nothing was coming to me. “My stomach is jumpy,” she said when I asked her about it. “I think I‟m a little nervous about tonight.” Her shy admission was very endearing to me. I had to wake her up when we got to our destination in Riga. I had left my passport and identification with old family friends in the city. Bella looked blearily at the address on the little house and frowned, murmuring something to herself. The old couple who lived here, Velna and Nikolajs, had known my mother since she was just a child, and they were thrilled to see me back from Arivistan alive and well. I introduced them to Bella, and Velna looked at me with a knowing expression in her eyes that made me blush a little. “Come in, come in,” she urged. “Stay a little while, have tea with us.” There was much to catch up on. I translated into English for Bella for a while, but then she told me to just enjoy talking to my friends without providing translation services. Then she excused herself to go to the washroom. Nikolajs was telling me about how the war in Arivistan was impacting the Latvian economy – bringing a great deal of new business into Riga but hurting border towns like Valka badly – when I started to feel uneasy. Where was Bella? I took a surreptitious glance at my watch. I couldn‟t remember when she had left the room – 10 minutes ago? Fifteen? Was she not feeling well? Suddenly, the doctor in me started to worry. Worry hard. All those stops along the road. The heat of her skin when I had touched her this morning. The little cries every time the car had moved too suddenly. I stood up abruptly. “Please forgive me,” I said to my host and hostess in Latvian. “Bella has been feeling unwell, and I wish to check on her. Can you guide me?” Velna stood up, her lined face filled with concern. She showed me to the washroom. Door was closed. I tried it carefully. Locked. “Bella? Are you all right, mana mīla?” There was a long moment of silence. Then a faint moaning sound. I was so terrified that I nearly took the door off its hinges. Remembering this was not my home, I raced into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. The lock was a simple one, and I had it open in a moment. “Bella,” I shouted, racing to her. She lay slumped on the floor on her side beside the toilet. Her skin was burning hot and soaked with sweat. Her eyes were half open, but I wasn‟t sure if she could see me. Her arms were wrapped around her torso as if she were in some kind of terrible pain. “Bella, what is wrong? What has happened?” “Don‟t know,” she whispered, the words slurring out of her mouth. “Something going … straight through me,” she gasped. “It hurts so much, Edward.” “I‟ll be right back, my darling. Right back.” I scrambled to my feet and returned to Velna and Nikolajs. “She is not well, high fever, pain, diarrhea,” I said. “I need to get her into bed, do a more thorough exam. Or perhaps take her to a hospital.”

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“You will do better treating her here, my son,” said Nikolajs. “Your presence in a hospital would be questioned, and there would be grave danger for you and possibly for Bella as well. You will treat her here, downstairs, where it is safe” “All the times I have been here, my friends, I did not even know there was a basement,” I said in amazement. “We do not tell many people about it,” said Velna with a strained smile. “Come.”

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Ch 15 – Epiphany

February 17, 2009 EPOV I picked up Bella off the bathroom floor and carried her through the house behind Velna and Nikolajs. She was moaning with pain with every movement I made, and I could feel panic climbing up my throat. They led me to the kitchen and went to the very back of the room, opening the pantry. Nikolajs moved some bins out of the way and pulled down on a latch; the entire back of the pantry opened to a passageway leading down. “What is this place?” I asked in surprise. “Our house has served as a hiding place for years, Edward,” says Velna. “We helped dozens of political dissidents escape from Arivistan during the first occupation. Your father, Carlisle, has sent many people to us for safe hiding over the years. Did you not know this?” “No,” I said, “but I think Bella did. She seemed to recognize the address when she got out of the car.” “This is good. Both of you will be safe here. Carefully now, it is dark and the stairs are steep.” I crept down the stairs, trying not to bang Bella‟s head – or mine – on anything. Suddenly a light flared on, and I looked around. It was a tiny living space, complete with a small kitchen, bathroom and bed. No windows, nothing to reveal to the outside world that this was here. I laid Bella on the bed where she curled up into a ball, moaning. “You‟ll find food and water here,” said Velna, opening cupboards. “Some books. I am afraid it is not luxurious, but it will suffice. Take a few moments to get your Bella settled, then get what you need from your car. You should move it to the shed in the back for safety‟s sake.” The SUV was clearly marked as a coalition vehicle, so it made sense to conceal it. “I cannot thank you enough,” I said to them. “Give me some time to examine Bella and speak to the doctor back at the camp. Once I have more information, I will speak with you again.” They nodded and headed back upstairs. Probably wondering if what Bella had was contagious or dangerous. Or both. I sat down on the edge of the bed, and took Bella‟s hand. “Mana mīla, I am going to examine you now. Is this all right?” She nodded, and I gently pulled her arms away from her torso. I lifted her shirt and very carefully probed her abdomen. Bella bit back a scream as I pushed against her tender flesh. Her pulse was rapid, and heat was blazing from her body. A search of the bathroom produced a thermometer – 104 degrees. Damn it. Bella rolled off the bed and wobbled to the bathroom. A few moments later, I could hear her vomiting, among other things. I could feel the fear crawling all over me. I had treated friends before, even family members. But this was different. I needed to pull myself together. I went upstairs and found the bag Bella had brought with her into the house. I pawed through it frantically, looking for her cell phone. Thank God Alice's number was pre-programmed. "Having trouble remembering which hole it goes into?" Alice answered flippantly. "It is me," I growled. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice immediately concerned.

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"Not sure. She's sick. High fever, chills, stomach pain, diarrhea. Some vomiting." I paused. “Looks like dysentery.” "Sounds like it," Alice said. "She had it once before in Bangladesh, exactly as you describe. She got a bad case last time, probably because she's so small and never eats or sleeps enough." "Yes, I think so as well. It just hit her so hard and fast that I was afraid it was ..." I couldn't bring myself to say the word. "... something else," I finished weakly. "Cholera?" said Alice. "The fever would suggest otherwise. Is she passing any rice water stool?" "I have not checked yet," I choked out. "I am just scared, that is all." I hated how weak I sounded, but I couldn't help myself. "Understandable," Alice said kindly. "I had to nurse Jasper through a bout of malaria in South America once, and I was a total wreck. You'll be fine, Vanguard. You have probably treated a million cases of this in past, right? Try to forget it‟s Bella, and just let your instincts take over." She paused. "Did you get the med kit out of the car?” “There‟s a med kit in the car?” “Yes, in the back. All our vehicles have them. I keep forgetting you‟re not part of the mission,” said Alice impatiently. “Everything you need is there. Are you in a place where you can treat her?” “Yes, a private home. Good people, I trust them.” “Fantastic. Better for you to treat her than take her to a hospital. That would only draw attention. Go get the med kit, and get to work. And Vanguard …” I had nearly hung up the phone but came back at Alice‟s request. “She‟s going to be fine and so are you. Call me as many times as you want.” “Thanks,” I said, dropping the phone and running for the stairs. ~~ - ~~ The med kit was well stocked and had all the right medications for dysentery, as any field kit should have. Within an hour, I had gotten the appropriate meds into Bella. So far, everything was staying down so there was no need to hang an IV. Bella drifted in and out, rousing only to use the bathroom or drink the rehydration solution I had prepared for her. After a couple of hours, she became too weak to walk, and I started carrying her. An hour later, I took our relationship to a new level by telling her I needed to check what was coming out of her. Somehow, she found the strength to fly into a feeble rage, slamming the bathroom door in my face and locking it. “You‟ve never even seen me naked,” she panted through another wave of pain. “And you want to look at my … my …” “Bella, I am a doctor!” I thundered at her from the other side of the door. “And right now, I am your doctor. At least tell me what is happening in there!” “I know what you‟re thinking,” she gasped. “I don‟t have cholera, for God‟s sake! It‟s just dysentery.” I waited silently for a few minutes. Finally the door opened, and she waved me in helplessly. She curled up in a ball on the floor with her arm over her face. I sidled in and took a glance.

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“How long have you been passing blood?” I asked her, my knees weak with relief that it was not cholera – it would have been obvious by now if it were. “It just started about half an hour ago,” she mumbled. “It happened the last time I had it too.” I picked her up and carried her back to bed. Her body felt so frail under my hands, burning with fever. A few minutes later, she was throwing up again, and I decided to get an IV into her before she became too dehydrated to find a vein. It still took me three tries to get it in, mostly because my hands were shaking. There were no windows so I did not know when the sun set and evening fell. Bella eventually lapsed into a state that was half sleep, half unconsciousness. I went upstairs and let my hosts know what was happening below. I gave them each doses of the appropriate medications; the likelihood of transmission was low, given how isolated we were, but I wasn‟t taking any chances. I took the meds as well, knowing I had a higher risk of exposure as Bella‟s primary caregiver right now. Then I was left to my own devices. When I ran out of things to do, panic came boiling up, so I called Alice again. “How is she?” Alice asked. “Asleep, I think. Still febrile. She is bleeding internally, but not heavily. I put a line into her to keep her hydrated.” “Sounds like you‟re doing just fine. Make sure you wear gloves and take the meds yourself. Did the kit have enough of everything you needed?” “Yes, thank you,” I said. I took a damp cloth and wiped Bella‟s forehead again, taking care not to irritate the stitches on her forehead. “Alice, do you want me to remove her stitches?” “Sure,” she said. “They‟re due to come out.” I very carefully clipped the end and removed the thread. The wound had been beautifully stitched and had healed well. The pink scar was almost perfectly situated, bisecting her eyes. It was almost surgical in its precision. “One less thing to worry about,” I grunted. “You don‟t think this is where the infection entered the body, do you, Alice?” “Unlikely,” she said. “It‟s not like she fell down and split her forehead open in the latrine. It was a knife wound, and Raj cleaned it thoroughly before stitching it. Although Bella used her scarf to stop the initial bleeding in the Commandant‟s office – hardly a sterile item, one that had almost certainly been all over the camp. So it‟s not out of the question.” “Right,” I said automatically. I said a few more things without really knowing what I was saying, and then hung up. A knife wound. In the Commandant’s office. I had seen the men in the camp who had that hideous “K” cut into their foreheads. They whispered that the Commandant himself cut it into the flesh of Arivistanian men who had been called on to offer their services to the camp. It was said to be done by hand, with the Commandant‟s special knife, right in his office. Many did not survive the branding. I could feel my body start to tremble, and I groped about blindly for a chair. I sat down before I fell down. I would kill that bastard myself. With my bare hands.

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I had no doubt what had motivated the Commandant to mutilate Bella. I had no idea what had stopped him. That knife had been meant for me. Payment for allowing me out of the camp. Bella twisted in bed, moaning. She had allowed a madman to put a knife to her face to protect me. I could hear a noise in the room and realized it was coming from me. I crammed my hand into my mouth to hold back the rising shriek inside me. I sat there, numb, as my world crashed down around me. Every pretense, every barrier, every stupid fucking defense I had built over the last nine years of my life collapsed in a heap at my feet. I was such an idiot. She had traveled halfway across the world. Entered a war zone. Exposed herself to deadly diseases and unsanitary conditions. Played mind-games with a sadistic megalomaniac. Hatched an intricate plot to remove me from harm‟s way. Offered herself up as a sacrifice in my stead. Nursed me around the clock, lying beside me every night to make sure I did not hurt myself further. “How do you think I feel? I had to be rescued ... by a woman.” I had not even said thank you. I searched frantically in my mind for some evidence that I had shown gratitude to her. There was none. The thought made me retch, my eyes stinging with tears. Isabella Swan. The woman I loved more than my own life. I had always believed I would marry Bella one day – she was everything, everything to me. When were you planning on letting her know about that, Edward? But … she knew. Didn‟t she? Did she not know how much I loved her? It always seemed to be such an organic part of who we were. How would she know? When was the last time you told her? I put my hands up to my head to tug at my hair, and remembered it was not there anymore. I knew the answer to that question. Once. I had told her once in last nine years that I loved her. My mind started whirling back. All the years, all the time that had passed since we had met. I had never come to California to visit her at Stanford. Her calls, emails, friendly texts had arrived regularly; mine had been sporadic. I had used her a dozen times to get out of bad dates – yet I had never asked her out on one. Never taken her out for a nice dinner. Never even taken her to the movies. I always remembered her birthday – sending a funny card or leaving her a silly message on her phone. But I had never done anything special. Never sent flowers. That hurt the most … I sent flowers occasionally, usually to women I had slept with a few times then parted from. It always seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do. But for my best friend, the woman I loved beyond life … nothing. When we had landed up in New York City together last summer, I had been dreaming of spending every minute of every day with her. I had deliberately not taken my second MSF placement so I could be there at the same time Bella was. We would do all the things we had missed out on. I had fantasized about proposing at the end of the summer, something over-the-top romantic that would show her how much I adored her.

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Instead, I had gone storming off to Arivistan, convinced I could save my country. And she had let me go … given me her blessing. Because I had asked it of her. And yet when Bella had begged to come with me, I had lost my temper and said no. She had thought of me when other men made her come. I had been ragingly, sickening jealous of every man who had ever dated her, ever made love to her. All through our GYL year together, I had longed for her to tell me, “It‟s over between me and Jacob. Make me yours.” But she never had. But you never told her how you felt. Maybe if you had, she would have considered it. So instead of risking rejection from Bella, I had dated Tanya Denali. It had been years since I had thought of her, yet I had given Tanya more in our few silly months together than I had ever given Bella. I had taken her to Arivistan for Christmas. Made love to her. Bought her pretty, meaningless presents. And in the end, she had left me for Kyle because Tanya knew all along that she was second best. Tanya had told me when she broke up with me that I was a damn prideful fool for letting Bella Swan slip through my fingers. After Bella had told me, in casual conversation, that she had lost her virginity to Jacob Black the year after GYL ended, I had been so enraged that I had gotten into a fist fight with a stranger at a bar after getting blindingly drunk. My classmates had had to pull me off the other guy for fear I would kill him. Yet, I had lost my virginity years before, when I was 16, to a girl whose name I could now barely remember. It had been of little consequence … just a rite of passage that every teenage boy went through. I had even told Bella about it in passing once, and we had laughed about it and moved on. She had not thrown a childish fit of temper like I did because she was not my first lover. What kind of monster am I? And through all of my heart-breaking carelessness, she loved me. I had taken her for granted for so many years. And still she loved me. Loved me enough to risk her life for me again and again. My pride will be my downfall. “Edward.” My head shot up out of my shaking hands to see her lying on the bed, looking at me. Her eyes were glassy with fever, and I doubted she was fully aware. I got up and sat on the edge of the bed. “Yes, mana mīla,” I said softly around the lump in my throat. “Am I? Am I really?” “Are you what, Bella?” “You‟ve always called me that … mana mīla. „My love.‟ But am I really your love, Edward?” I stared at her, wondering once more if she could read my mind as well as my soul. “Yes,” I said, reaching for her warm hands and kissing them. “You are my love. My one and only love. You always have been and always will be, Bella,” I said, feeling tears rising in my eyes. “I love you. Do you know that? I love you.”

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“I know,” she said in a sing-song voice. “I love you too, Edward. I always have.” The tears brimmed over and ran down my face at her words. “Don‟t cry,” she whispered, switching to Arivistanian. “Don‟t cry. I am here now. I will not leave. You are safe, beloved.” They were the same words I remembered from my dreams when I was in the grip of my fever. The tears fell faster, and I lay down beside her, pulling her warm body into mine as I cried. ~~ - ~~ Thirty-six hours later, I was sitting at her bedside. The fever had broken a few hours ago, and Bella was sleeping peacefully for the first time in two days. I sat back in the rickety chair and rubbed my eyes, exhausted. I was so tired, I couldn‟t think straight. I had barely recovered my own pneumonia; it would be a miracle if I didn‟t relapse after this. I grabbed my meds on the way to the bathroom because I also didn‟t relish going through what Bella just had. I kicked off my shoes, brushed my teeth, threw some water on my face and tumbled into bed beside her. It was safe now, I could sleep. Still, I wound my arm around her and pulled her close - just in case. ~~ - ~~ BPOV I woke up with no idea where I was or even what the date was. I moved my body experimentally. There was pain, but it was bearable. I could see an IV in my arm, and I wrinkled my nose – I hated needles of any kind, but IVs were the worst. I toyed with pulling it out, but didn‟t feel like risking the Nariovski rage in my weakened state. Edward. I looked down and saw a familiar arm wrapped around my ribs. I carefully removed it and got up to use the washroom. It felt really good to wash my face and brush my teeth – it felt like something had died in my mouth. I brushed them again for good measure. That action took most of my energy, so I shuffled back to my bed, still carrying the IV with me. Edward was curled up, asleep. I did a double-take when I saw his face – he looked terrible. He‟d clearly had no sleep for a while, and his eyes were swollen. If it were anyone else, I would have thought he had been crying. He had been with me the whole time I‟d been sick. Through the fever-induced haze, I remembered his voice telling me over and over again that he loved me. I wasn‟t sure if that had been real or just a dream. Either way, it had been a humbling experience – who wanted the man they loved more than life nursing them through a disease that involved explosive diarrhea and vomiting? But in truth, who else but Edward did I trust that much? What better person to be treating me than an experienced field doctor with whom I trusted my own life? I lay down beside him, gazing at his face. Even exhausted, Edward was breathtakingly handsome. I ran my fingers over his features, still unable to believe he was with me. His eyelids flickered, then his eyes slowly opened. “Hi,” I whispered. “Mana mīla,” he said, smiling. “How are you feeling?”

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“Better,” I replied, “thanks to you.” ~~ - ~~ Edward slept another 12 hours straight before waking again. By this time, I was drinking water on my own, and had cooked and eaten a bowl of plain rice. He was distraught that I had gotten up on my own. “It‟s OK, Edward, honestly. I‟ve done nothing but lie down for two days – it‟s OK for me to move around a little.” I eyed him nervously. I wasn‟t sure what had happened to Edward during the two days I was unconscious, but he seemed … different. Sweeter. He was also acting like he felt guilty about something. The guy had just spent two solid days without sleep, nursing me through a violent bout of one of the most disgusting diseases in the field, and he felt guilty? There’s something weird going on here. Edward went out at one point and returned an hour later with bananas for me. He told me then that it was early evening outside – I still had no idea what day it was. “Bananas are good for you to eat after something like this. Easy on your digestive system,” Edward said. He mashed them up in a bowl – I swear he would have fed them to me if I‟d let him. Now I was completely freaked out. “Edward,” I said nervously after I‟d finished the fruit, “is there something you want to say to me? Something you need to tell me? That I don‟t know about?” He looked at me in silence, his green eyes wide and vulnerable. “Yes, mana mīla, there is.” My stomach dropped to my toes – this was it. He was going to tell me it was all a huge mistake, and that it was over before it even really got started. “Bella, I did a lot of thinking while you were sick.” This sounded worse with every second, and I felt myself starting to tremble with fear. He sat down on the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands. I could see them shaking as well. We were a good pair. “And I … I ….” He broke off. “You are too far away,” he suddenly said, holding his arms out to me. “Come to me. Please.” I got up and padded over to him, snuggling into his arms. This didn‟t feel scary. This felt good. Edward gently pulled me back so that we were lying together on the bed. He had changed the sheets while I was eating, and the fresh cotton was cool. I felt his fingers run softly over my face, tracing my features, my mouth. This felt good too. I cupped his cheek, and he leaned into my hand. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. It was soft and sweet, and his eyes were screwed shut like a 13-year-old boy kissing a girl for the first time. The idea made me smile, and he opened his eyes again when my lips curved upward. “Thank you,” he breathed. “Thank you for coming to find me. For saving me. I have not properly thanked you for this.” I smiled and kissed him again, lingeringly. Even after a ravaging bout of illness, I could feel my desire for him simmering below the surface of my body. “I love you,” he said softly. “I‟ve been in love with you since the day we first met, that day at the UN.” I drew in a sudden breath of surprise at his words. How many times had I dreamed of hearing him finally say this? “I‟ve done such a dreadful job of showing you how I feel,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth as he spoke. “I would not blame you if you never wanted to see me again after we return to the United States. But I needed to tell you that I love you. I have always loved you. You have ruined me for other women, mana mīla.” I moved forward a couple of inches and rubbed my nose gently against his, then brushed my lips over his.

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“Maybe you have done a bad job of showing me,” I said softly. “I‟m not sure I was any better at it. But I knew anyway. I have always known. I have never loved anyone as I love you. We belong together, Edward. We always have. It just took us a little longer than most to find our way to each other.” He kissed me again, and again … and then we lost track of time for a bit. Eventually Edward‟s stomach started to growl so loudly that it made us both laugh. I sat on the bed and watched while he made himself a meal and ate it. We planned our schedule for the next day, when we would leave. And we talked about a lot of nothing … we just talked. I slept in his arms that night, wearing one of his t-shirts. There was no sex either. Just lots of love. It wasn‟t the romantic night I had planned to have with the love of my life. It was better. And for once I didn‟t worry about how many more days we had on the clock.

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Ch 16 – Snap Decision

BPOV “Today is WHAT?!” “February 19,” he repeated. I took a small step backward and sat down heavily on the bed. February 19 … Edward was due back to Commandant Aro in three days. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Somewhere in the fog of my memories while I was ill, I had lost two days. Two whole days. I started to shake, and Edward was at my side in an instant. “Bella, relax. There was nothing you or I could do while you were ill. The time is gone, and we cannot change what has passed. We can talk more about the plan on the drive home. Yes?” He ducked his head a little to see my face, and smiled at me. I smiled weakly back. Edward was right; he frequently was – although I generally hated to admit it. To him or myself. “Finished with breakfast?” he asked. I had been allowed plain toast and sliced bananas with tea this morning, a step up from yesterday‟s gruel. I nodded. “Then perhaps a shower now?” That sounded like a good idea – it had been a couple of days since I‟d last showered. And not the most ideal two days of my life either. Five minutes later, I was standing under the hot spray, giving thanks to the gods of hot water and soap. It was amazing how much better a shower could make a person feel. I turned around to pick up the shampoo and screamed. Edward was leaning against the wall just outside the shower; I had had no idea he was there. Then I realized he was naked. My mouth popped open. I resisted the urge to rip back the shower curtain to see his entire body. “Sorry, mana mīla,” he said sheepishly. “I wondered if … I might join you?” “Yes. Yes, please,” I said breathily. And Edward stepped into the shower with me. Now my eyes were as wide as my mouth. While I had seen most of his bits and pieces separately over the years, this was the first time I had seen Edward completely naked in front of me. My eyes started at the top and traveled all the way down his body. The last several months had been rough on him, but he was still glorious. Eventually my eyes stayed in the same place for so long that Edward had to wave a hand in front of his genitals to get my attention again. “Hi,” he said, moving his hand up and pointing to his face. “Remember me?” I blushed scarlet at being caught ogling him so outrageously. And with such desire. “Sorry,” I mumbled, tearing my eyes away from him. “You just look … you know … different.” “Different?” he said, looking down at his groin and back up again, a faint look of panic entering his eyes. “What do you mean, different? Bad different?”

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“No! No, not at all. You‟re beautiful!” Forget my face - my entire upper body was blushing now. “It‟s just that I haven‟t really seen that many naked guys. And they were all … you know …” I made a little snipping motion with my fingers. “Oh!” Edward started to laugh as understanding sank in. “I am not circumcised. Is that it?” I nodded, still embarrassed. “I am European, Bella. Circumcision is not customary here, the way it used to be in America.” He came close to me and pulled me against him. “It still works the same way, my sweet, as you already know. Touch me, and you will see.” I reached between us and ran my fingers over his stiffening cock jutting out from its nest of bronze curls. Everything had been so fast the other day that I hadn‟t really noticed the difference. I took my time, letting my fingers memorize everything about him. After a few minutes, he was hard and pushing hungrily into my hand. I took a firm grip on him and started to rub up and down, slowly. He hissed and thrust against me. “So good, mana mīla,” he moaned into my ear. “Please … a little faster?” I obliged him, picking up my pace. “Feels good?” I whispered in his ear. He nodded, breathing heavily. “Do you like it when I touch you like this?” I asked him. His cock twitched in my grasp at the sound of my voice. You like it when I talk, hmmmm? “Touching you feels good.” He made a little moan and thrust harder. “I love the way your cock feels in my hand. It makes me think about how good it‟s going to feel buried in my wet pussy,” I murmured. Edward‟s whole body twitched violently at that, and he let out the hottest sound I‟d ever heard in my life. “Come for me, baby,” I crooned. “Come in my hand, come all over me.” He let out a helpless cry and exploded, spilling into my hand and stomach. “Fuck, Bella,” he panted, leaning against the shower wall. “Fuck. So good.” Words seemed to have temporarily deserted him. I smiled beatifically. “Pass the shampoo, would you?” I asked. Instead of giving me the bottle, he opened it and poured some into his palm, turning me around. His strong hands started working through my long hair, lathering it up. I sighed with delight and let his fingers rub against my scalp for several minutes. The feeling was so intense that goose bumps broke out across my skin. Then he gently turned me and tipped my head back to rinse. “That was so nice,” I sighed, leaning into him. “Thank you.” He smiled and picked up a bar of soap. “My pleasure. Maybe I should wash your dirty little mouth with this too?” he murmured, and I giggled. He didn‟t bother with a cloth - he worked up a nice lather between his hands and ran them over my shoulders, rubbing and massaging the skin. After two days of hell, this was heaven on earth. Edward slowly ran his soapy hands over every inch of me, front and back, ending up on his knees in front of me washing all the way down to my toes and back up again. My eyes were closed, so when his face came up between my thighs, I didn‟t realize he was there until the tip of his tongue gently parted my folds and travelled upward. I nearly jumped out of my skin with the sensation of it. I put my hands down and tried to push his head away. “Unnnhhh, Edward, shouldn‟t do that … so soon after,” I panted. He brushed my hands away easily as he wrapped his arms around my thighs, parting them slightly and pulling me closer. “Risk of infection …” “I am your doctor,” he whispered, kissing my clit softly, “and I say it is quite essential for me to pleasure you right now.” He started licking me with the flat of his tongue – wide, soft strokes that left me helpless with desire. I put my hands on his short wet hair and hung on for dear life. His tongue wandered down to my entrance and pushed up inside, leisurely exploring every bit of me. He moaned, and the vibration through my nether regions made me gasp. Slowly, he withdrew his tongue and attacked my clit with his lips, bestowing slow open-mouthed kisses on it, rubbing firmly against me until the friction had me right on the edge of release. Then he took me in his mouth and sucked until my orgasm burst through me, and I screamed his name.

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I stood there for a few minutes, afraid to let go of him in case I fell down. Finally, he stood up and rinsed his sticky face under the shower. “See? All clean,” he said with his crooked grin, kissing me on the lips. “I‟ve been taking the antibiotics and antimicrobials since the day you got sick. A little more intimate contact now will not hurt me. In fact, it has done quite the opposite.” I glanced down and saw he was fully aroused again, and I reached for him. Unfortunately, the water chose that moment to start going cold. I squealed and turned the shower off. Edward held out a towel to me and dried me off briskly. “That felt incredible,” I said shyly, wrapping my arms around him. “Thank you. You are remarkably … talented.” “You inspire me,” he replied. “And I plan to be very inspired for some time to come as well, so please get used to that.” I blushed, turning my head away from him to face the mirror. I looked at myself – really looked at myself – for the first time since I‟d wakened. “Edward,” I said in surprise, ducking out of his arms and peering into the mirror more closely. “The stitches in my forehead are gone. Did you take them out?” “Yes, while you were sleeping,” he answered briefly as he toweled himself off. He seemed even less inclined to discuss it than I did, for which I was thankful. The moment passed, and he turned back to me with his sweetest smile, which made my knees a little wobbly. As did the long, delicious kiss he planted on my mouth immediately after. ~~ - ~~ Edward went upstairs while I rested – between the shower and everything else that had happened in the shower, I had used up what little energy I had available. He came back down, having thanked our hosts and provided them with a supply of the appropriate medications. We had decided in advance that it would be best if I did not have any more contact with them to reduce the risk of infection. He gathered up our few belongings and stripped the bed of its sheets, bagging them with the towels. Then he put all our dirty dishes into the sink, and covered them with boiling water. He bagged all the medical waste and tossed it beside our stuff. The bathroom he scrubbed down with bleach. “There,” he said, stripping off his latex gloves and stuffing them into the garbage bag. “I think that will suffice.” Edward took a pen and paper, wrote a quick note and wrapped it around a stack of lats, the Latvian currency. He left the money sitting on the kitchen counter. He looked up and saw me gazing at him. “What?” he said. “Nothing,” I replied with a little smile. He makes breakfast. He cleans. He looks after me when I’m sick. He’s generous. He gives the best head in the world. Who are you and what have you done with my angry, controlling, misogynistic old friend Edward Nariovski Cullen? ~~ - ~~ We got on the road around 10:30. At my request, Edward kept his speed and lane changes down to a reasonable rate. He flipped on the radio for a quick check of traffic ahead – he found a news station. It was all Latvian, so I didn‟t understand it. I gazed out the window and watched the world go by.

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Suddenly, I caught the words “Arivistan”, “Kartesia”, and “United Nations” all in the same sentence. I sat up quickly and glanced over at Edward who was shifting his eyes between the radio and the road. “What is it?” I asked urgently. He held his hand up for a moment, listening, his face blazing with emotion. “The United Nations Security Council has passed a resolution, announcing its intention to enter Arivistan to end the conflict,” he said in a shaky voice. “They have condemned Kartesia‟s unprovoked occupation of Arivistan … and cite recent evidence of atrocities in the Valka refugee camp as being a majority reason for the intervention.” The two of us looked at each other and starting screaming with joy. “Shit, shit, watch the road!” I shouted as we swerved out of our lane. Edward jerked the wheel back. “Where is your phone? Quickly, call my father. He will have more information.” I dialed Carlisle‟s number with shaking fingers. The call went straight to voicemail; I left a message asking him to call us back and hung up. Edward signaled at the next roadside stop and pulled off the highway. The stop was a big one with two choices of restaurants, gas and a couple of shops. “I need a moment to calm down,” he said. “Otherwise, I am going to kill us both with my driving. Come, we will have a warm drink.” He settled me at a table in one of the restaurants, then went to buy coffee. A moment later, my phone starting ringing. It was Carlisle, returning our call. “We just heard,” I said when I picked up. “Good news travels fast,” Carlisle said. “Obviously, we don‟t have a lot of details yet, and it will be a few weeks before troops are on the ground. But this is the beginning.” Edward suddenly appeared at my side, handing me a sweet tea. “My father?” he asked. I nodded. He immediately put his hand out for the phone. “Your favorite son wishes to speak with you,” I said with a smile, then handed Edward the phone. He kissed me before he took it and then wandered off, talking a mile a minute to his father. I sipped my tea and watched him walk restlessly back and forth from one side of the room to the other. He used to do that in GYL when he had a big idea on the go in his head … Edward could never sit still when he was thinking. I just sipped my tea and passed the time eyefucking him. “What did Carlisle say?” I asked when he finally returned to the table. My tea was almost done. “Not much,” he said. Not much? You were on the phone for nearly 20 minutes. I raised my eyebrows at him. “Well, it will take some time to get troops into Arivistan. Right now, it is very much in the planning stages.” He paused. “There will be a press conference tomorrow to announce who will be leading the mission, which countries are participating, and so on. Are you ready to go?” I blinked at the abrupt change of topic and nodded. When we got back on the road, Edward started asking me questions. A lot of them. What did I know about Commandant Aro? What did he spend the majority of his day doing? Did he work surrounded by guards, or was he more informal? What had I bribed the Kartesian guards with? How secure was I in their ability to stay bought? The questions went on and on for nearly an hour, and I answered them all. Then Edward lapsed into silence, his hands tapping constantly on the steering wheel. I could practically hear the wheels turning in his mind. We were about 20 minutes away from Valka where we would turn off the main highway on to the roller coaster we generously referred to as a road when Edward abruptly signaled to pull off into another stop. I was fine with that; I needed to pee. When I came out of the bathroom, Edward had a couple of bottles of water in his hand. Once in the SUV, he produced a handful of pills. “Medication time,” he said with a cheery smile.

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“Thank you so much, Dr. Cullen,” I said sourly, opening my bottle of water. He shook them into my hand – the antiparasitic, two antibiotic capsules and … “What‟s this?” I asked, nudging the red and blue capsule with my finger. “That‟s new.” “It‟s a mild antiemetic,” he said. At my blank look, he smiled gently. “It will keep you from feeling car sick. I know the road from Valka to the camp makes you nauseous, and I wanted you to be comfortable.” “Oh,” I said, feeling badly that I had questioned his expertise when all he was doing was thinking of my needs. I swallowed everything down. Edward watched me closely while I did it. His expression was strange. He looked like he had the other evening, after I‟d woken up in the safe house. He looked … guilty. “What‟s wrong?” I asked. He looked at me for a long moment, and then his expression smoothed out. “Nothing, mana mīla. Just wishing you did not have to endure so many hardships on my behalf.” He leaned over and kissed me. It felt so good that I put my hand up behind his head to hold him there for more. His lips opened under mine, and I eased my tongue into his mouth. We kissed each other for a long time, getting more and more lost in each other. Edward‟s hand was under my shirt, squeezing my breast, and mine was headed for his crotch when someone thumped on the window. We leaped apart, startled. A couple of teenagers were passing by the SUV, making lewd gestures at us. “Oops,” I said, my face flushed with embarrassment and desire. Edward reached down and shifted his erection around in his jeans, trying to find a comfortable place to put it. “See what you do to me?” he said with a grin, starting the SUV. “I feel like a teenager again – hard all the time.” I laughed as we pulled out of the parking lot and back on to the highway. We hadn‟t even reached the Valka turnoff when I started to get sleepy. Probably the anti-whatchamacallit he‟d given me. I laid my head back against the seat, turning so I could see his face. I yawned hugely. “Tired, mana mīla?” he said, but his voice sounded funny. Like it was coming from far away. I tried to clear my head. All I wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep. The feeling was so strong that it was disconcerting. I decided that a little fresh air might help, so I tried to turn around to put the window down. My arms felt like they weighed a ton, and my mind was swimming. When I tried to move my head, none of the muscles would do as I wanted. “Edward,” I said in alarm, but his name came out like mush on my tongue. He turned to look at me, and his face was a picture of horrible pain and guilt. I looked back at him, struggling to stay conscious. He drugged me. My mind reeled as I put the pieces together … the stitches that he had removed and then didn‟t want to talk about. The guilt. All the questions on the trip. His extraordinary sweetness. Everything about his body language that suggested he was thinking – hard and fast – to come up with a plan. He was going to do something. Something dangerous. Something so dangerous that he had risked my wrath – risked our love – to ensure I could not stop him, could not follow him. I tried to reach out to him, to tell him not to do whatever it was he was planning. I love you. Please don’t do this. I can’t live without you again. Darkness claimed me.

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Ch 17 – Endgame Redux

February 19, 2009 EPOV I am a monster. I watched Bella‟s hand come up toward me, then fall back down again as the temazepam carried her away into unconsciousness. But not before I saw the look of realization in her eyes. Bella knew that I had done this to her. I hated myself more in that moment than I ever had in my life. But I had made my choice. I drove back to the Valka camp as fast I could without breaking the axles of the SUV. It was midday, and the camp was relatively quiet; just a few people who were on scheduled days off were hanging about. This included, of course, Bella‟s Kartesian guards, who looked at me in alarm when I blew into the compound and stopped the vehicle in front of the door. Bella was sure of their purchased loyalty. I was not. The one named Sevastian appeared at my elbow as I was removing Bella from the passenger seat. The other man – Sergei, I think his name was – had already yanked the door open to the main building and disappeared inside. “Dr. Brandon told us she is very ill. With dysentery.” I barely spared him a glance as I raced to the front door. Sevastian held the door open for me. “Is her condition very serious?” he asked. I didn‟t answer. “Please,” Sevastian said, startling me – I didn‟t think Kartesians even had the word in their vocabulary. “Answer my questions.” “Yes, dysentery,” I said shortly, gently lowering Bella into my bed in the infirmary. “You should not be in here – she is still contagious. She would be most unhappy if you were to fall ill.” He backed away toward the door, looking distressed. For the next 10 minutes, I made sure that whatever else happened, Bella would be safe and well. I reinserted her IV, hung fluids, hooked up all her lines, then grabbed a file and recorded her treatment to date – including the tranquilizer I had just administered. Raj walked in with Sergei just as I was finishing up. “Did she relapse?” he asked in concern, walking over to check on her. “No, I simply wish to ensure she receives a full run of treatment,” I said. “I prefer she take another 24 hours of fluids, just to ensure she is properly hydrated. All the relevant information is on her chart. Please take good care of her for me.” Raj didn‟t even have time to look up before I was out the door, running down the hall. It took me only a minute or two to find the Whitlocks‟ quarters. Jasper‟s physique was a little different than mine, but his clothes would suffice. I tore open his bag and started searching for the most typically American looking clothing I could find. I emerged a few minutes later dressed in a white button-down with an Abercrombie t-shirt underneath, blue jeans and – most convincing of all – a pair of cowboy boots. I grabbed a flak jacket and a coalition vest on the way out of the building. There was nothing I could do about my bristly hair, but everything else was perfect. I passed Sergei and Sevastian in the hall on the way out the door.

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“Look after her,” I ordered fiercely in Kartesian. “And whatever else happens, do not allow her to go to the refugee camp until either I or Dr. Brandon returns. She should not even leave this room. This is an order.” Not waiting to see what their response was to receiving their instructions from an Arivistanian, I jumped back into the SUV and roared off toward the Valka camp. ~~ - ~~ I was counting on the assumption that the Kartesian guards were so used to coalition vehicles driven by foreigners coming in and out of the camp that they no longer did formal identification checks. It was a good assumption - they waved me through with bored looks on their faces when I drove up. So far, so good. I parked the SUV beside the other coalition vehicles and started walking across the compound to the building that Bella had told me was where the Commandant worked. I was halfway there when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the entire coalition executive committee walk out of another building off to the right. Shit. ~~ - ~~ JPOV We had just finished lunch and were cutting through the administrative compound when Alice suddenly gasped. Loudly. Everyone stopped and looked at her. I could feel alarm radiating out of her; I swung around to follow her gaze. Edward was walking across the compound toward the Commandant‟s office with a look of ferocious determination on his face. I was the fastest off the mark, racing across the muddy gravel toward him. He saw me but didn‟t stop walking. I came skidding to a stop beside him, looking at him uncertainly. Edward‟s eyes were terrifying in their intensity. It occurred to me for a fleeting moment that I might be the one in danger here. “What the fuck are you doing?” I asked in a low voice, my eyes darting around to see if any of the Kartesians had spotted my headlong sprint across the open ground. “Dealing with this in my own fashion,” he replied in a clipped voice. “By choosing to commit suicide in this novel way?” I asked in disbelief. He glared at me for a moment, and some hazy part of my mind registered that he was wearing my clothes. Including my fucking cowboy boots! That made me pissed. “I can‟t believe Bella allowed you to come here on your own like this.” I saw a flicker of some raw emotion on his face, then the blank glare returned. “Bella does not know I am here.” I could just imagine what kind of deception went into that accomplishment. Bella would be apoplectic with rage when she found out. “Edward … seriously. What are you doing? None of us wants to see you die. Or become a permanent resident of this camp again. Or have a letter „K‟ tattooed on your forehead. What will happen to Bella if you get smoked in there?”

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“Bella is safe where she is, and that is all that matters. I will not allow her to put herself in any more danger because of me,” Edward replied harshly. Then his face softened a bit. “Jasper, I appreciate your concern. Truly, I do. But it is not within my nature to permit other people to fight battles on my behalf. It is essential that I try this my way first.” I wanted to point out that trying his way first might be the last thing he ever did, but he silenced me with a look. “Please,” he said, his voice strained. “I believe I can do this … buy back my own life and ensure safety for the people – my people - still trapped in this god-forsaken place. If I had time for a more … collaborative approach … I would have done so. But there is a window of opportunity at this moment that will not come again. And I have to try.” Edward looked me in the eye and put his hand out. I stared at it for a moment, and shook it. “If I leave this camp today alive and free, I believe you and I could end up being friends,” he said unexpectedly. “I‟d like that,” I replied in a low voice. I wanted to ask him if there was any message for Bella if things didn‟t work out as planned. But I knew he wouldn‟t tell me if there was. And with that, Edward turned and walked away from me – through the front door of the Commandant‟s office. I saw him put his hand into one of his pockets and draw something out as he did so. ~~ - ~~ EPOV I was already reaching into my jacket pocket and holding up my US passport as I walked through the door. Which turned out to be wise, as both guards standing in the room had their weapons up and trained on me as soon as they realized I was a stranger. “Wait,” I heard someone order in Kartesian. It came from the person sitting at the desk at the back of the room. He was an older man, hair more white than black, dressed in the uniform of a higher-ranking Kartesian officer. He continued writing at his desk for a minute more, then put his pen down and raised his face to me. It took every ounce of strength in my body to smile at this thin, evil countenance. “Commandant Arovasy?” I asked in English. I flattened my inflection, deliberately softened the final consonants and gave my voice a faint twang. I sounded … like an American. I had learned as a teenager how to mimic an American accent well, mostly to avoid questions from annoying but well-meaning schoolmates. “Pleasure to meet you, sir. My name is Edward Cullen.” I gave the guards a nervous glance, then edged forward, passport still held up in front of me. “Mr. Cullen,” the Commandant said with faint amusement in his voice at my seemingly cautious approach. “Please, sit down, join us. The pleasure is entirely mine, I assure you.” I sat down in the chair in front of his desk, laying my passport down in front of me. The Commandant‟s hand snaked out and took it. “I do not believe I recognize your face or your name, Mr. Cullen. This is odd indeed because I thought I was familiar with all the members of the coalition currently in this part of Kartesia.” My stomach rolled at his words – Bella had warned me of this – but I kept my face smooth and friendly. It was essential that they think I was just another American aid worker for the time being. “Just recently arrived, sir. I am new to the mission. I am here to prepare you for the impending arrival of the United Nations forces.” I could see Aro‟s eyes narrow imperceptibly at my mention of the coming UN force. “Edward Nariovski Cullen. Born in the former nation of Arivistan, I see. Now part of the Kartesian empire. How ironic.” He snapped my passport closed and pushed it across to me. I slid it close to my elbow. Out of his reach but still in his view. “If I may say so, Mr. Cullen, you look far better with your current hairstyle,” he added. “Thank you,” I said neutrally. “Perhaps we could turn to the matter at hand …”

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“Ah yes,” the Commandant said. “But I fear there has been some kind of error. This camp does not require any form of special preparation. Or at least, not any preparation that you might be able to provide.” He let that last statement hang in the air between us, and I felt my skin crawl at the implications. “I was not referring to preparing the camp itself, Commandant Arovasy,” I said, allowing the faintest edge of my American accent to slip away. “I was referring to preparing you personally.” All the superficial friendliness of the meeting drained away, and the Commandant‟s eyes went dark. “Perhaps you should explain yourself, Mr. Cullen.” I conspicuously checked my watch. “It is currently 15:25, Commandant. In approximately 35 minutes, a press conference will be held at the United Nations building in New York City to announce more details of the Arivistan operation. This will include the announcement that military operations will be headed by Major General John McCallister of the United Kingdom.” This information was classified, and the Commandant knew it. Which meant I had just become more interestnig to him. His eyes gleamed, and he leaned forward slightly. “A total of 21 countries will be sending troops – one of the most unified showings of support for a UN military intervention in years.” I paused to see his reaction to this piece of information. How much of this he already knew through his own intelligence channels was unknown … hopefully enough of it to ensure my credibility as a source. “You are remarkably well-informed, Mr. Cullen. Please, do go on.” “The operation‟s first mandate is, of course, to secure the capital city of Verisna. Jointly with this activity, the United National High Commission for Refugees will join the current coalition to establish control of this camp." “Not an unexpected development.” I paused a moment. Then I played my first card – information Carlisle had given me on the phone earlier today that was highly classified. “It will also be announced at the press conference that Luis Moreno-Ocampo will be accompanying the UNHCR at the direct request of the United Nations Security Council.” Aro‟s reaction was visible. He jerked back from me, his already pale face whitening. The two guards in his office looked at the Commandant, then at me, no doubt wondering what had just passed between us. Aro noticed their sudden concern and waved them off, speaking gutturally in Kartesian. “I see you are familiar with Prosecutor Moreno-Ocampo,” I observed. “His work is known within Kartesia, as it is throughout the world,” said the Commandant, regaining his composure and speaking with confidence. “But again, I fail to see how this is relevant. The Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court will be disappointed if he hopes to find evidence of war crimes in this camp.” Planning to dispose of all your handiwork before he arrives, Commandant? Think again. "And regardless, Kartesia does not permit the International Criminal Court to have jurisdiction over its citizens,” he concluded with a little tone of triumph in his voice. “This is true,” I said. “However, the war crimes alleged to have been committed in this camp – by your own hand, I might add – did not occur on Kartesian soil. They were committed on Arivistanian soil. And Arivistan is a signatory to the treaty that formed the International Criminal Court. This means you can and will be compelled to appear before the court, if so ordered.” “This is not Arivistan; this is Kartesia,” Aro hissed, his lips pulling back from his teeth and gleaming wetly.

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The fixed smile on my face vanished, and I played my next card. “Not in the eyes of the United Nations, Commandant,” I whispered deliberately in Arivistanian. Aro‟s eyes flared open in rage, and I saw his hand go up to summon his guards. I simply pushed the American passport out from underneath my elbow so that it caught his eye. “Ah-ah, my friend,” I said in English. “You do not want to shoot me, believe me. You know by now that I am far too well connected to be disposed of quietly.” “Who are you?” he whispered in a barely audible voice that shook with rage. “Nobody important,” I replied, the smile returning to my face. “I doubt that very much, young friend,” he snarled back. “But it will not take me long to find out. And,” he chuckled, “all you have accomplished is to provide me with advance warning as to the United Nations‟ intentions. I will simply return to Kartesia before any subpoena can be issued. The UN is hardly about to invade Kartesia to retrieve me.” Last card. “Kartesia may not protect you, Commandant Arovasy,” I said softly. “Your personal efforts to lay claim to the young men in this camp was done without sanction of your superior officers. Upon seeing the physical evidence of your war crimes, Commandant, the Kartesian ambassador to the United Nations is now considering his options. One of which is having Kartesia surrender you to the tribunal directly. After all, they may not wish to be found harboring 2009‟s answer to Slobodan Milošević.” Aro‟s eyes bugged in their sockets at the mention of the former Yugoslavian dictator who had died in the War Criminal Prison in the Hague, halfway through his own war crimes trial. “Perhaps more detail will be revealed at the press conference. Shall we watch it together? Have you the facilities to watch it here?” The Commandant composed himself and withdrew a laptop computer from a shelf beside him. Moments later, CNN appeared on the screen. The spokesperson for UN Secretary-General Ban-Ki Moon opened the press conference, and I prayed to God that my father‟s information had been good. Major General John McCallister was introduced as the leader of the Arivistan operation, and he took the podium to answer selected questions about the mission. He then handed off to UN High Commissioner for Refugees António Guterres, who spoke at length about the Valka camp. Aro watched the screen impassively; so far all my information was checking out, but there was nothing highly classified involved yet. The spokesperson for the Secretary-General began speaking again, and I could see the Commandant‟s body posture stiffen slightly. “Following a direct request by the UN Security Council, International Criminal Court Prosecutor Luis MorenoOcampo will begin a joint investigation into allegations of war crimes stemming from evidence and eye-witness accounts at the Valka Refugee Camp near the Latvian border …” Moreno-Ocampo took the podium, gave a brief statement and began accepting questions. Two or three reporters asked questions about the situation, and I tensed with anxiety. Then the spokesperson called on the world affairs reporter from the New York Times. Please tell me Carlisle got to her in time… “It is my understanding that some of these eye-witness accounts are from the Refugee Crisis Coalition, which is currently on the ground in the Valka camp. How much consideration will be given to the coalition and in particular the testimony of its leader, Isabella Swan?”

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Aro was utterly still as the woman took her seat once more and the prosecutor responded, saying that the Refugee Crisis Coalition would indeed be called up on for testimony and that their records would be subpoenaed by the Office of the Prosecutor. “Anyone with testimony germane to the investigation will be called upon to testify. We expect that list to include Isabella Swan and other members of the coalition executive committee, especially those with first-hand contact with the refugees who have been alleged to have had war crimes visited upon them.” After a time, Aro closed the browser window and turned back to face me. His face was once again impassive, thoughtful. “Isabella Swan,” he said, tapping his pen on the desk. “How is my dear friend Isabella?” “Lying in the infirmary suffering from dysentery,” I said baldly. At least that much was true. Aro‟s face clouded over at this news. “I am most distressed to hear this. You will convey my good wishes for recovery to her?” I nodded. Just the sound of Bella‟s name on this madman‟s lips made me want to commit a violent act upon him. “It would appear that Isabella suddenly holds a great deal of influence over my fate,” he said with a twisted smile. “So it would seem,” I replied. “In fact, you would do well to stay within the good graces of the entire coalition executive team at this time, I believe.” Aro pursed his lips and nodded thoughtfully. “Indeed,” he said. “Although it is hard to imagine what else I could do to make them feel more welcome here in this new Kartesian territory. We have already offered them all our hospitality.” “Perhaps I could offer a suggestion,” I offered. “I thought you might,” the Commandant said with his vulpine smile growing wider. “I would first recommend clemency for the residents of this camp. Clemency that would avoid any further … accidents.” In other words, try whittling on anyone else’s forehead in this camp, and you will pay. “A wise suggestion, that. But what of those who have already met with unfortunate mishaps?” “What‟s done is done, Commandant. It cannot be changed. Nor can it be denied as the refugee registration process has already documented all those affected. That documentation is already in New York, I should add. And of course, those refugees will be carefully monitored over the following weeks to ensure none of them meets with any further … accidents.” Aro‟s eyes blazed at my not-so-subtle warning. “Perhaps offering specific aid and comfort – or permitting the coalition to do so – would assist in repairing some of the damage? I imagine there are many international interests who would be more than willing to do the reconstruction. This would be a topic that I urge you to seek Dr. Brandon‟s advice on.” Translation: I am fairly certain Alice can recommend a plastic surgeon or two in New York City to fix up the men you have assaulted. “A most unique goodwill gesture!” Aro cried. I nearly broke a piece off the chair keeping my hands to myself. “Your advice is sound, Mr. Cullen. Have you any more for me?” I paused for effect, thinking. “The unfortunate young man back the camp …” I said, waiting to see if he‟d pick up. “The one who helped Dr. Brandon quell the pneumonia outbreak?” Aro asked with interest. “What of him? My guards last told me he was on the brink of death. Has the man since died?”

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I looked at him for a moment, suddenly aware of the irony of his question. Was I dead? You might be after tonight, said a helpful voice in the back of my mind that I ignored. I knew that the person who had left for Arivistan last summer no longer existed. Most of him had been burned away by the horrifying reality of my six months in the resistance. The remaining part had died sometime in the night I had sat beside Bella‟s bed, watching her fight against the dysentery and realizing what an utter fool I had been for the last nine years. Perhaps the terrible act I had visited upon her earlier this afternoon was the final echo of a lifetime of pride, anger and control. “Yes,” I finally said in a low voice. “He is dead.” Aro eyed me speculatively. “I believe it would be a significant gesture on your part to allow the coalition to return his body to the young man‟s family for burial. Do you not agree? It would be a fitting end for one who gave his life for the benefit of others. And it has the added benefit of demonstrating how willing you are to cooperate with Ms Swan‟s wishes.” There was such a long pause that I thought I had lost him for a moment. And then. “Of the prisoner and his final resting place, I care nothing,” said Aro bluntly. “But for Isabella, I have much respect. If it pleases her to do this, then I will not stand in her way. You may relay that information to her. I will expect the two guards at your facility to return to me once the body is delivered to its final destination.” “I believe these gestures will place you in good stead with the coalition executive,” I said gravely. I made as if to glance out the window in surprise. “It is dark already. I should return to the camp in order to debrief the team.” I rose and, with an inward shudder, extended my hand to the man who had mutilated Bella in my place. He shook it, and we walked together to the door, followed by the guards. “I hope we have the pleasure of future conversations, Mr. Cullen,” Aro said musingly as I reached the door. “You have a lively mind. You remind me much of Isabella herself.” I gave the first genuine smile in the entire wretched interview. “That is the finest compliment anyone has ever paid me, Commandant. Good day, sir.” I kept waiting for the bullets to enter my back as I walked across the gravel to the SUV. The coalition vehicles were all gone, save for my car and one Jeep. In it sat Jasper, shivering against the encroaching night wind and smoking a cigarette. “Tobacco is harmful to your health, I grunted as I approached his vehicle. “So my wife tells me,” he said with a faint drawl, “which is why I only smoke when I‟m hanging around outside refugee camps in the dead of winter waiting for people who have no business being alive to appear at the side of my car.” He extended the pack to me. I felt like I was being offered my proverbial last cigarette. I took one and attempted to light it off Jasper‟s. My hands were shaking so badly that I dropped both in the dirt. “Rats,” said Jasper mildly. “Oh well, better for both of us, I guess. Those things really do taste dreadful, you know. Are you good to drive then? Or do you want to come with me? The SUV might survive the night out here – stranger things have happened.” “No, I can drive,” I said shortly. “But it would be good to follow you as I am less familiar with the road.” I climbed into the SUV, gunned the engine and drove out behind the Jeep.

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~~ - ~~ It was an intricate house of cards, built on illusion, promises and favors – the currency of Eastern Europe and an integral building block of the society in which I grew up. Almost everything I had relayed to the Commandant was true, information provided to me by Carlisle during our conversation this morning. All I had done was reveal it to him in such a way as to make me look reliably informed. And get one reporter to ask a leading question that suggested that Bella Swan‟s future testimony could carry a huge amount of weight when it came to the Commandant‟s case. And then suggested to the Commandant a few ways by which he might keep Bella‟s favor. Almost everything was true … Kartesia would never give up one of its own to the United Nations Security Council or the International Criminal Court. My father had told as much this morning. Apparently someone had had the misfortune of making such a suggestion to the Kartesian ambassador to the UN yesterday. The ambassador had allegedly done everything but spit in the face of the unfortunate individual. The fact that I had implied otherwise was a laughable lie. The Commandant would learn this at some point in the near future that he was not going be handed over to the International Criminal Court. And as he had rightly pointed out, the UN would never invade Kartesia to retrieve one petty lunatic. In the end, he would probably never face justice – although Kartesia would no doubt pay many times over for the evils he had committed. But because of the way I had presented the information to him, the uncertainty would always linger. Timing was everything, and I had planted the seed of doubt at exactly the right moment. Bella was safe. The mission was safe. There would be no more mutilations in the Valka camp. And in the end, Kartesia might even make good on reparations to those so grievously harmed by the Commandant. I had my life back. The only question remained now was whether my life would be worth living after I faced Bella tonight.

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Ch 18 – Purgatory

February 19, 2009 EPOV They were waiting for me when I pulled into the base behind Jasper. I got out of the SUV and walked toward them. I had never been physically afraid of a woman in my entire life, so it seemed ridiculous that I should feel fear at the sight of someone one third my weight who barely reached my breastbone. But this was no ordinary circumstance, and Alice Brandon was no ordinary woman. Jasper was already at her side, murmuring into her ear. She nodded slightly but didn‟t take her eyes off my face as I walked toward her. Jasper looked at me, then back at Alice, then found something interesting on the ground to look at. Alice didn‟t say a word as I walked up. The Rev, standing beside her, looked at me nervously as if expecting bad news. Not a positive start. “Let‟s go inside, Edward,” the Rev said. “I think you need to bring us up to speed.” We stepped inside and I started moving immediately to the right – I wanted to see Bella first. Alice‟s hand suddenly shot out and grabbed my arm with fingers that felt like steel pincers. “She‟s still asleep,” she said in a low, terrifying voice. “And you‟ll stay away from her until I say otherwise. Got it?” I found myself nodding vigorously in agreement. The Rev took us to a small meeting room and closed the door. The four of us sat down around the table. “I will tell you everything you want to know,” I said abruptly. “But first, I want to know about Bella‟s condition.” “Bella is fine,” said Alice through clenched teeth. “Temp normal, blood pressure good. She is still considered contagious for another 16 hours or so, and is under quarantine in the infirmary. She‟s has a couple of liters of fluid pushed through her, just for safety‟s sake. She should be fine by tomorrow.” Her voice dropped a little. “She is still sleeping off the effect of the temazepam you administered to her, Dr. Cullen.” I winced a little at that. I saw Jasper‟s hand slide beneath the table to take Alice‟s, hopefully to prevent her from assaulting me. “Thank you,” I said. “When can I see her?” “Never, if I have my way about it,” she snapped. The Rev turned and looked at her in surprise. “Alice, please. This is hardly the time and place for those kinds of statements. I don‟t know what has gotten into you, but please put it aside for now and take it up with Edward privately.” She glowered silently for a moment. She hadn’t told him what I’d done. “Sorry, Dave,” Alice said. She looked at me with contempt. “You can see her briefly when she awakens. But I am keeping her in quarantine for the remainder of the 16 hours.” Alice was exacting her revenge. We glared at each other for a moment.

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“Ahem,” said Jasper into the tension. “So, do you want to tell us how you managed to come back out of the Commandant‟s office in one piece, Edward? Because frankly, we were already dividing up your stuff and arguing about who would get your parking spot.” The small joke helped ease the atmosphere in the room a bit. Even Alice looked a little less frightening, although I notice she did not smile. I walked them through my meeting with Commandant, leaving out no detail. The Rev and Jasper looked a little awed by the end of it. Alice‟s eyes just burned with fury the entire time. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair; I wanted to be out of here and with Bella. “Do you think the Commandant will do any digging on you – possible determine that you‟re not a member of this mission?” asked the Rev thoughtfully. “Not only possible but likely,” I said. “However, I do not believe it will have any negative repercussions on the mission itself. For my own safety, however, I will be returning to the US as soon as Dr. Brandon clears me to travel.” She looked like she would sign the papers and shove me into a plane on the spot. “Unless you would prefer to put me on a plane to America without knowing if I have dysentery or not,” I said in a dry tone. “It would probably also be best if you got Bella back to the United States as well. For her own safety and protection.” “I agree,” said the Rev. “The two of you can go back together once you‟re both able to travel.” Alice looked like she was going to implode at that statement. “In the meantime, it seems you done us a great service, Edward. In the process of saving yourself from returning to the camp, you‟ve also secured greater cooperation between us and the Commandant for the foreseeable future, as well as better protection for the refugees. Well done.” Much to my surprise, he shook my hand, clasping it warmly. “Any idea what we‟re going to do with Sergei and Sevastian?” asked Alice. “They‟ll be required to report back to the Commandant in just a few days.” “Bella has something specific planned for them,” said Jasper unexpectedly. “She ran an idea past me before she went to Riga that sounded viable. I‟m sure she‟ll tell us more when she‟s ready.” The Rev looked a little nervous about that, but let it go. “Another fun day on the front lines,” he said, getting to his feet and stretching. “Anyone else for some dinner?” “I need a word with Dr. Cullen, then I‟ll join you,” said Alice ominously. ~~ - ~~ I followed Alice out of the room and down the hall. She stopped in front of a doorway and ushered me in. I‟d never been in this room before, but as soon as I entered, I knew it was Bella‟s quarters. The whole room smelled faintly of her. On the bedside table, I could see a framed picture of the two of us from our GYL year. On the coach. All those years ago. I pulled myself out of my rather pleasant reverie and turned to face Alice. The blow was so unexpectedly powerful that it knocked me backward two or three steps. It was followed rapidly by a stinging slap to my face that set all my teeth rattling. Like I don’t have enough dental work to do when I return home. I cupped my hand over my nose as blood began to drip out. “That‟s for violating my best friend‟s trust,” she said in a venomous voice. She let me stumble around for a bit until I found some tissue to staunch the bleeding. I pinched the bridge of my nose cautiously and wiggled it to see if it were broken. I didn‟t think so, but it hurt like hell. I looked at her from over my hand; Alice‟s fist didn‟t even look red. “I apologize,” I said, a bit nasally. “There was no excuse for what I did. I am very, very sorry.”

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“Tell that to the review board when I file the complaint against you for professional misconduct.” I closed my eyes. Alice was well within her rights to make a formal complaint; administering narcotic drugs for no medical reason was an offense punishable with suspension. I could lose my career over this. “I want to see Bella,” I said. “Do whatever you want – report me, arrest me, punch me in the nose again. Just let me see her.” “You‟ll see her when she wakes up. But only if she is willing to see you – which would surprise me a great deal.” The rage in Alice‟s expression suddenly turned into such sadness and bewilderment that I could barely stand it. “Edward, how could you? What were you thinking? Could you not have simply told her what you planned to do?” “She would not have allowed it,” I said in a low voice. “And there was so little time – I did not have two or three hours to spend fighting with her.” “How do you know she would not have allowed it? Because you would not have allowed it if your positions were reversed?” Alice threw up her hands in frustration. “What if Bella had had an allergic reaction to the drug? Or if the dosage were too much for her system so soon after the dysentery? She could have gone into cardiac arrest. You could have killed her!” “Please,” I said. “What I did was wrong – completely and utterly wrong. I admit to this. But at no point was Bella‟s life in danger. You know that I would rather die than put her in danger ever again.” “And how are you going to manage after you return to the US?” she demanded. “Bella works for a front line aid agency – she faces danger every time she goes to the field. You‟re going to fly with her on every trip? Hold her back every time she needs to enter a slum or a refugee camp? Prevent her from walking in and amongst people who are suffering from deadly diseases? Drug her when she doesn‟t do your bidding?” I flinched away from Alice‟s words; the thought of Bella in peril – again – was intolerable to me. “This isn‟t just what Bella does for a living – this is Bella,” Alice suddenly shouted. “If you really love her as much as you claim, you have got to learn to deal with this.” “I do not know … no, I will not do those things. I will … find a way to cope with these new realities in my life,” I said, my voice shaking. “I do love her, Alice. Please believe me. More than anything. More than my own life.” I turned away from her, afraid my emotions were going to overwhelm me. “You can take away my medical license if you wish. It is within your right. But I cannot live without her. Not anymore.” Alice was silent, looking at me, her arms crossed in front of her. “I will have your dinner brought to this room,” she said calmly. “You will stay in here tonight. You will not leave this room except to use the washroom. I am putting a guard on the door.” I nodded silently. “When Bella wakes up and if she wants to talk to you, you will be escorted to the infirmary. You will have a short period of time to talk things out. And then you will be escorted back here for the night. Bella will stay in the infirmary and you will stay in this room until 2 p.m. tomorrow when Bella is released from quarantine. What you two do after that is your own business. The infirmary will be yours to sleep in again should you no longer be welcome in Bella‟s bed.” I nodded again, not trusting myself to answer. Alice turned as if to walk out the door, and then stopped. “You really fucked up, you know that? She loves you so much. All these years I‟ve know Bella, and I‟ve never even seen her with another guy. She‟s always waited for you to come to your senses. And then, when you finally get it together, the first time – the very first time – you two have to make a difficult decision, you take her out of the equation in the most brutal, high-handed way imaginable.” I stood there with my head down, feeling like the worst human being on the face of the earth.

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“You so do not deserve her, Cullen,” Alice finally said, “and if I have my way, you are going to spend the next decade on your knees groveling to get her back.” With that, she left the room. A few minutes later, someone came in and put a tray of food on the bedside table. I didn‟t look up to see who it was. Shortly after that, Sevastian came to the door, looked in at me standing there, and then took up his post outside the room. He was armed. Maybe Alice was hoping I‟d make a break for it so he could shoot me in the back while I ran away. I lay down on the bed, ignoring the food. The sheets and pillow still had a whiff of Bella to them. I closed my eyes. I waited. ~~ - ~~ APOV Bella started to wake up around 10 p.m. It was a slow process since she was still under the influence of the temazepam. Typical Bella – I watched her fight tooth and nail against the drug all the way up. Her eyes opened again, and this time, they stayed open instead of rolling back into her head. They shifted around and found me at her bedside. She looked dimly at me for a moment, then pushed herself up on her elbows. “Edward,” she said, forcing the word clumsily through her dry lips. There was panic in her eyes. “He‟s fine, he‟s here in the compound,” I said soothingly. “Everything is OK. He is free; he doesn‟t need to go back to the camp.” She looked at me in silence, and then a suspicious look entered her eyes. “Want to see him,” she slurred. “You can see him,” I said tersely. “If you‟re sure you want to.” Bella‟s eyes came back to mine, and I could see her remembering what had happened. I felt a tiny bit relieved at that – explaining to Bella that the so-called love of her life had drugged her for his own convenience was not something I relished doing. She slid back against the pillows and gazed at the ceiling for a few minutes. Tears were running down the side of her face, and I wanted to go break Edward‟s nose for real this time. Instead, I walked down the hall to get some juice from the fridge and ask someone to put a tray together for Bella. When I returned, Bella had rolled on to her side. Her forehead was furrowed – I knew she was in deep thought. I set the juice on the bedside table and busied myself with checking her vitals and recording the information on her chart. I could have had a nurse do all of this, but I wanted to tend to my best friend myself. After several minutes of silence, Bella made a little sound. I turned around, and she was reaching for the juice. I handed it to her and raised the bed a bit. “It‟s shortly after 10 on Thursday night,” I told her. “You‟ve been asleep for about 10 hours. And while I vehemently disapprove of the methodology, I am glad you got such a good rest. It‟s exactly what you needed.” Bella looked down at herself, spotting the IV with a frown. “Take this out,” she demanded. “Sorry, that‟s staying in until tomorrow,” I replied. “And so are you. As in, staying in this bed and in this room until tomorrow afternoon.” Anger flared in her eyes, but I cut her off. “You know the rules – quarantine continues until 48

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hours after the symptoms dissipate. According to your chart, that will be tomorrow around 2 p.m.” Bella let out an angry sigh, but let it go. “Can I have something to eat?” she finally asked in a huff. “Please?” “I‟ve already ordered it, should be here in a moment.” After she ate everything on her tray, Bella sat in bed, picking at the tape around her IV placement. “Pull that out and I‟ll kill you,” I said mildly. No response. The silence spun out for a long time. “I want to talk to him,” Bella finally said. I put down what I was working on and looked at her. “You don‟t have to see him tonight, you know,” I said. “You don‟t have to see him at all if you don‟t want to.” “I want to talk to him,” she repeated stubbornly. I sighed and got up. “I‟m giving you 30 minutes. Not a second more. And if you want him gone before that time is up, you call me and I‟ll have him removed. Understand?” Bella nodded and looked away. ~~ - ~~ BPOV After Alice left the room, I pushed back the covers and sat up. I wrinkled my nose in disgust to realize I was in a hospital gown. How humiliating was this? I pulled the covers back over my lower half, pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned my head against them. I didn‟t hear anything, but I could still tell as soon as he walked into the room. It had always been that way with the two of us. “Thirty minutes,” I heard Alice say in a voice so malevolent that even I was frightened by it. Then she left. I looked up at Edward. He had a noticeable bump in his nose and the beginnings of a lovely black eye. But that was nothing compared to the look of agony on his face. He stood in the doorway for a moment. Then he came over and sat down on the bed beside me. “Please,” he said in a low voice, “you first.” That was easy; I only had one question for him. One that I already knew the answer to. “Tell me why you did it.” He opened his mouth and a flood of explanation came out. How sorry he was, how he had made the wrong decision and took all responsibility for it. That he had had a very small window of opportunity in which to fool the Commandant and that if he lost that time arguing or even having a discussion with me, it would been gone. That he could not bear to have me in danger once again because of him. He went on for a few minutes like this, and I listened silently. I still didn‟t have the full story on what he had told the Commandant, but I gathered it had something to do with the phone call he had had with Carlisle and a press conference that had been held in New York this morning. And none of that mattered. I knew what his motivation had been.

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Eventually he ran out of words and fell silent, looking at me miserably. I looked back at him for a long moment. Then I let him have it. “That‟s all bullshit. You did it because you were angry at me about this,” I said furiously, stabbing my finger at the scar on my forehead. His eyes shot up to the pink line between my eyes. “There were a dozen other options you could have tried first. But you immediately went to the most extreme because you felt that what I had done for you made you less of a man.” My voice trembled, and I swiped at my eyes angrily. I so did not want to cry during this. “What was I supposed to do? Let him put a knife to your forehead, probably killing you in the process? Should I have let Jasper stand in for you? Or the Rev? Or Jim? Would it have been easier on your manhood if it had been one of them?” I took a deep, shaky breath and tried to regain control of my temper. “I didn‟t have any choice. At the time, a scar on my forehead seemed a small price to pay for your life. But you … you drugged me, violated me because you were angry. And that is just all kinds of crazy, Edward.” The rage that had boiled up in his face as I spoke was incomparable. I had never seen Edward this angry in all the time I‟d know him. His lips were pressed so tightly together that they were a thin, white line. There was a low sound in his chest, like a growl. If it had been anyone else, I would have been running for my life by now. I waited for him to start screaming at me, so we could get this over with. And end what had never really begun between us. The shouting never came. I watched as the rage peaked, then slowly slipped away from his face, It was replaced by a look of introspection, then confusion. His face flushed unexpectedly, and he turned away from me and put his hand over his eyes. “Stop,” I said suddenly. “Stop right there. If there is ever to be trust between us again, it starts with this. Please do not hide your feelings from me any longer.” Edward didn‟t move for a long moment, then he lowered his hand and turned back to me. I could see him cringing in humiliation as a tear splashed down his cheek. He had never cried in front of me before. At least, not while he was aware of what was going on around him. I had never told him what had happened that the first time he had come to find me when he was delirious. “You are right,” he choked out. “That is exactly why I did it. I was so angry… I still am.” His voice broke off into a sob that sounded like it was being wrenched out of his body unwillingly. He was fighting so hard against his emotions that it was painful to watch. And that was something I could not endure. “Edward, please just let it out,” I said. He shook his head violently, biting his lip so hard that he drew blood. I reached out and took one of his hands, pulling it gently. Very reluctantly, he let me pull him closer until his head rested on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, stroking his hair, feeling his body shaking uncontrollably against me. “I am so sorry,” he gasped. “Please mana mīla, tell me that you still love me.” “I will always love you,” I said. “Even when I am this angry at you, I still love you.” When he heard that, he finally let go. I could feel hot tears soaking into my gown as Edward wept. And because he was in pain, I cried too.

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A short while later, I nudged him. “Edward, we have only a few more minutes together and then Alice will be back. And I still want to say some more things.” He sat up, rubbed his face with the back of his hands and looked at me. “I accept your apology with one condition,” I said. “Which is?” “When we get back to New York, you need to talk to someone. There is a therapist Jasper and I work with, someone who specializes in professions that involve a lot of trauma. If he is not right for you, he can refer you to someone else.” Edward didn‟t say anything. “You‟ve had a very bad time of it in the last six months, and I am wondering if your reaction to these experiences is impairing your judgment.” He sat there quietly, thinking. I knew that he wasn‟t one to talk much about feelings, and frankly, the thought of Edward in therapy was a bit of a stretch, even for me. “If it is a condition for the two of us to stay together, then I will do it.” “It is a condition,” I said quietly. He nodded and picked up one my hands, interlacing our fingers. He rubbed his thumb on my hand and leaned his head against mine as we sat together. “Who punched you?” I asked curiously. “Alice,” he replied. “She is very strong for someone so small.” “Yes, I should have warned you about that,” I said with a little smile. We were still sitting like that when Alice came into the infirmary. Sevastian stopped just outside. “Please return to your room,” she said to Edward, the hostility in her voice unabated. For a minute, I thought Edward would defy her. Instead, he squeezed my hand one more time, gave me a light kiss on the forehead and slid off the bed. “Thank you, mana mīla,” he said in a low voice. “May I see you tomorrow?” “Yes,” I replied. “But it would be best if you let me come to see you when I am ready.” He nodded and left the infirmary; I could see Sevastian following behind him. I looked at Alice accusingly. “A guard? Is that really necessary?” She didn‟t answer. “Where have you put him for the night?” “Your quarters,” she said. “I had nowhere else to put him. Don‟t even think about going to him in the night; I‟m putting a guard on your door too.” Alice came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You forgave him,” she said, her tone disapproving. “Yes,” I said. “On the agreement that he seeks counseling when he returns to the US. I think he‟s showing early signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.” Alice frowned, pondering that. “Possibly,” she said. “Or maybe he‟s just an arrogant, pig-headed asshole.” “That‟s a disease that a lot of men suffer from ... and some women too,” I said with a smile, lying back against the pillows. Alice smiled at that, and then reached out to squeeze my hand. “I‟m just trying to look out for you,” she whispered sadly. “I know how much you love him. And how much he loves you. He‟s just so … so … volatile. So difficult, so stubborn, so totally convicted that his way is the right one.”

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“Sound like anyone else you know?” I asked her. “Yeah,” said Alice. “Sounds just like my best friend Bella. Who needs to get more sleep if she wants to be up and around tomorrow.” Alice gave my hand another squeeze and got up off the bed. A few moments later, she turned off the lights and whispered goodnight.

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Ch 19 – There‟s No Sex Like Makeup Sex

February20, 2009 EPOV It was a long night. I returned to my room after splashing some cold water on my face. It was humiliating knowing that the Kartesian soldier walking a few feet behind me had seen me cry like a girl. I hated crying. My mother cried, of course … women cried, that was acceptable. And my father cried occasionally too – I remember tears running down his face as he ran to greet my mother and me as we cleared immigration at JFK the day we finally moved to New York. But he was American, so it somehow seemed more acceptable in my eyes. But I had never seen an Arivistanian man cry, and my mother had always impressed upon me how important it was that I behave like an Arivistanian man, even when I was small. You are half American. Perhaps it is time for you to embrace that part of yourself more fully. Perhaps. I had not been in my room more than 10 minutes, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at the floor when a knock came at my door. I looked up; it was Jasper. “Mind if I come in?” he asked. I gestured toward the chair. “Rough day for you, huh? I suppose my wife gave you that busted nose.” “It is not broken, only bruised,” I said stiffly. “Do all the women in your country have such fighting skills?” “Only the good ones,” replied Jasper. I couldn‟t help but grin at him. “There, I knew I could make you smile,” he said. “You‟re such a sullen bastard; you should smile more often.” I felt like I should be angry at him for such a statement, but Jasper was the kind of man who was impossible to dislike. “You are probably right,” I conceded. Then I suddenly remembered something. “I … erm … borrowed some of your clothing today,” I said awkwardly. Jasper looked up, his expression pissed. “Yeah, I noticed that. Listen, you can borrow anything you want, dude, but never touch my cowboy boots. Those things are sacred to me, you know?” “I apologize, and will not borrow them again. I found them to be quite uncomfortable.” It was Jasper‟s turn to grin, and suddenly he produced a pack of playing cards from his vest pocket. “Want to play some cards?” he offered. I stared at the deck blankly, wondering why he was offering to do this. “Look, I spent a few month of my life helping Bella look for you. I feel like I already know you better than I should. We may as well start catching up,” he said with a smile. “I would like that,” I replied, pulling the bedside table over between us. “But I don‟t know very many card games.” “I can teach you,” he said simply. And so he did.

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~~ - ~~ February21, 2009 BPOV The compound was silent when I woke up the next day. I was shocked to discover that it was after 11 a.m. already. Considering I‟d spent the best part of yesterday unconscious, I had expected to sleep poorly last night. Then again, I probably hadn‟t had a decent night‟s sleep in six months. Sleep deficit much? Kathy, who had helped look after Edward when he was first brought in, was kind enough to bring me a tray of food. She also took out my needles and tubes, for which I was profoundly grateful. I got up and took a little walk around the infirmary, the first time in nearly 24 hours I‟d been on my feet. This took me to about 12:30. Another hour and a half in my private prison. I dutifully peed into a little cup on demand for Kathy, allowed her to check my vitals and took my required meds. Paced around the room a little bit more. 12:45, great. I turned on my laptop and plowed through a backlog of emails. Made a to-do list. Checked flight schedules back to New York, looking for availability on any of the flights. Now it was 1:15. I could feel Edward‟s presence at the other end of the building as clearly as I could feel the laptop under my fingers. It tugged at me, like we were attached by an invisible string. I needed to be with him, needed him. Difficult, angry, messed up man that he was. In the corner, I found my overnight bag from our ill-fated trip to Riga. I grubbed through it, looking for my shower things. And a toothbrush. I turned to Kathy, who didn‟t even look up from her paperwork. “Not until 2 p.m., Bella. Alice made me promise.” I sulked on the bed until 1:45, and then started pacing. I knew I was driving Kathy and Sergei, who was guarding the door, crazy. Tough shit. At 2 p.m. exactly, I cleared my throat. Kathy rolled her eyes and gave Sergei the thumbs up. He smiled and let me fly out of the room down to the showers. Now it was my turn to make someone else sweat for a bit. I took a long shower, not caring if I used every drop of hot water on the compound. Shaved, plucked and spruced up as best I could. Gave my cheeks a little color and put on some gloss. Then, with a deep breath, I dropped my towel and pulled on the white lingerie Alice had given me earlier in the week. I gasped as the cool silky fabric slid over my warm skin. It hit me just above the knee and skimmed lightly over my body. It was probably designed to be snug, but I‟d lost weight when I was ill. My hair was only partly dry, but I was too impatient to wait any longer. I peeked out of the shower room, checking to see if the hallway was clear. It was. I ran on tiptoes through the cold hall down around the corner to my old quarters. The door was partly closed, and I nudged it open. My heart was flying in my chest, and I suddenly wondered if I‟d even be welcome after last night‟s drama. But it was too late to worry about that. Edward, who had been standing with his back to the door, looking at something on my old desk, had turned around to see who was there. ~~ - ~~ EPOV

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Holy. Fuck. I could not take my eyes off her – she was that beautiful. I stood there, my mouth hanging open and my eyes feasting on her. I felt like an animal. And I was reacting like one too; I could feel my penis rising inside my jeans. “Mana mīla,” I croaked, “you look … I … uh …” I could see a little smirk forming around the corner of Bella‟s mouth as I tried to form a coherent sentence in any of my languages. Then she looked down at my pants and stifled a laugh as she saw my body reacting to her. “May I come in, Edward?” Bella asked coyly. I nodded, still not able to speak. She slipped inside and quietly closed the door. And locked it. The little click of the deadbolt seemed unusually loud in the room. We were in a room. With a bed. And a door. And a lock. And neither of us was suffering from a life-threatening illness. I took three strides across the room and caught her in my arms. I could feel every inch of her warm body through the thin material, and I had to fight the urge to throw her down on the bed and take her right in that moment. “I … I did not think you would come to me today,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against hers. “At least, not like this.” “I needed you,” Bella said simply. I held her, letting those words wash over me. They felt so good. “I need you too,” I said, picking her up and gently putting her down on the bed. I shrugged out of my shirt and kicked off my shoes and socks before lying down beside her in just my jeans. I traced my finger along her full lips, then hissed in pleasure when the tip of her tongue darted out and touched it. She kissed the pad of my finger, running her teeth lightly over it, then sucked it into her mouth. I let her take all my fingers, one by one, into her mouth, unable to believe how aroused I was getting from this. I slowly pulled my fingers away, and she followed them, her eyes closed. I met her halfway and captured her lips with mine. The kiss was so scorching that I thought I might explode out of my jeans. Bella nibbled on my upper lip, sucking on it softly. Her lips parted willingly under mine, and I slipped my tongue into her warm mouth. She tasted delicious. We could not get enough of each other, breaking away only to catch our breath. Her arms came up around my neck to pull me closer. The feel of her silk-clad body pressing against me made me moan. The urge to rub myself against her, to find some kind of relief from the pressure, was overwhelming. Slow down, I said to myself. This is the first time for us, make it good for her. I slid my mouth away from hers and started kissing down the length of her neck, loving the feel of her soft skin under my lips. I followed the edge of the white silk down between her breasts, then skimmed over the fabric to where I could see her nipple pushing impatiently upward. I nuzzled against it, and Bella moaned, her hips jolting against me. Unable to stop myself, I wrapped my lips around her nipple and sucked hungrily at it through the thin material. “Unnhhh, Edward,” she gasped, putting her hands on my head and holding me in place as I ravaged the sensitive peak. I was so hard inside my jeans that I was starting to ache, and I pushed myself rhythmically against her leg. Then I slid over to the other side and lapped at her other breast, sucking and nipping at the hard tip. Bella was panting with pleasure and I could feel the world around me vanishing into a fog of lust. I wanted to be inside her so badly. I tore myself away from her beautiful breasts for a moment, trying to ignore the fact that her tempting nipples were fully visible through the now-transparent wet fabric. I ran my face over her torso, concerned that I could feel each and every rib as I moved down. She was too thin; she needed to eat more. I kissed her ribs gently and ran my fingers over them, one at a time, promising without words that I would help take better care of her going forward.

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When I reached her flat stomach, she started squirming under me. I drifted lower, planting little kisses along her hipbone. But as I moved slowly down the inside curve of her hip, I came completely undone. Bella wasn‟t wearing anything underneath. My nose slid down between her thighs. All I could feel beneath my face was heat, and the soft, springy curls that hid the special place of her body that I was craving so badly. I could smell her arousal through the fabric, a sweet, musky scent that sent flames roaring through my already overloaded nervous system. I reared back above her, trying to hang on to what little control I had. The pain between my legs was intense, and for a moment, I couldn‟t remember what was hurting me. Then Bella‟s hand reached out and yanked on the button of jeans, opening them. She pulled my zipper down, very carefully. I heaved a huge sigh of relief as my erection escaped from my pants. She ran her hand down my aching penis. “Commando, Edward?” she asked with a teasing little smile. “I am a bit short on underwear right now,” I growled back, trying to resist pushing myself into her hand. The feeling of her fingers stroking up and down my length was driving me crazy, and I finally had to reach down and remove her hand before I lost it altogether. “Stop, my love,” I begged. “I want to last a little longer, make sure I please you.” Bella just smiled at me. “I think nine years is enough foreplay, don‟t you? I am more than ready.” She sat up and pulled off the white silk garment and tossed it carelessly aside, then lay back on the bed. Her beautiful body rested in front of me, and she held her arms out in wordless invitation. I nearly broke my leg trying to get off the bed and out of my jeans. Eventually, I struggled out of them and climbed back on to the bed, kneeling between her thighs. I gently spread her legs and ran one finger along her sex. She was achingly wet, and with that one touch, I knew I could no longer hold back. I started to lean forward, but Bella put her hand on my chest and halted my progress. “Condom,” she whispered, her cheeks going a little red. “I‟m on antibiotics so the Pill won‟t work for me right now.” For a minute, I panicked, wondering where the fuck I was going to find a condom in this place. “Alice gave you some,” Bella reminded me, seeing the look on my face. I climbed off the bed, found the box and came back to try again. A moment later, I put my forearms on either side of her shoulders, and lowered my body to hers, my cock twitching impatiently. I looked into her eyes, feeling nervous, awkward and immensely horny all at once. She smiled and kissed me, putting her hands on either side of my face. This was Bella, my Bella. And we were always meant to be together. I settled the tip of my cock at her wet entrance and slowly pushed into her. She was hot and tight and wet, and everything I had fantasized about her was true. Bella let out a gasp as I slid all the way in, pulling me tight against her as her legs came up and wrapped around my waist. I pressed my forehead to hers, and we stayed that way for a moment. “I love you,” she whispered. “You feel so good inside me, Edward.” “I love you too, mana mīla. You feel even better than I‟d dreamed all these years.” The urge to thrust became too strong to resist, and I started to move within her. As soon as I did, I knew I was in trouble – all the build-up had worn me down. After just a few minutes of loving her, I was terrified I would embarrass myself by coming too soon.

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“Bella, uhnnnn, oh my love, feels so good,” I managed to gasp, trying to slow down. She was biting her lip and pushing her hips up hard to meet every thrust – neither of which helped when it came to slowing things down. “Mmmmm, Edward,” she moaned into my ear. I grit my teeth, feeling the hot excitement in my belly getting tighter. I ground against her, wanting to give her all the pleasure I was feeling and more. Her hands came down to my butt and pulled me deeper inside her, making me gasp. On the next thrust, Bella‟s back arched up off the bed, and her whole body stiffened. “Oh God …” she cried and a second later, her orgasm was ripping through her. I could feel every muscle inside her tightening and relaxing around my wildly excited cock. The sensation was too much for me, and I knew was going to come then. As she came down off her high, I started to thrust hard and fast against her, chasing my own release. Bella pushed up to meet my strokes, forcing me deeper every time. For one agonizing second, everything paused and then I exploded inside her. I gave another long, hard thrust and Bella came for a second time, squeezing my length as it pulsed inside her. I had never come so hard in my entire life, and it felt … wonderful. Still inside her, I pulled us on to our sides so I could wrap my arms around her. I pushed the hair away from her flushed face and kissed her. “That was awfully good,” Bella whispered with a smile, planting a kiss on the side of my mouth. “Yes,” was all I could manage to say, running my hand down her hip and showering little kisses along her shoulder. “The best. Ever.” ~~ - ~~ BPOV Edward had been a bad, bad boy … but holy Christ, he did good make-up sex. My whole body was still sparking from those two monster orgasms, and the sight of him naked in front of me was making me think about another round already. Giving me one final kiss, Edward reluctantly pulled out of me and removed the condom. The nearest garbage can was on the other side of the room, so he rolled off the bed and walked over to toss it out. I lay on the bed and ogled his perfect ass. On the way back, he glanced up and froze. “What‟s wrong?” I asked, sitting up in bed nervously. I hoped it wasn‟t a giant spider or something equally creepy. I could never get used to large insects in the field. Edward edged over to the wall, and then I could see him peering at himself in the mirror. He must not have realized how beaten up his face looked. “I did not realize I looked so …” Hi words trailed off as he stared at his reflection in horror. I had to suppress a giggle. “… sexy?” I finished for him. He looked over at me, probably wondering if I were making fun of him. “That was not the word I was looking for,” he said, frowning. “But that‟s what you look like to me,” I replied. “Sexy, hot … a little dangerous …” He started to laugh then, and turned to look at me. “I am standing naked in your room with a black eye given to me by a little woman half my size. This is dangerous?”

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His nose had a black and blue bump on the left side, and his left eye was black. His bottom lip was swollen, and I could see an ugly gash on it where he‟d bitten through it last night. “Yes, dangerous. You just had your wicked way with me,” I said, stretching seductively. “Ravaged me … stole my heart … pleasured me …” I patted the bed beside me. “Please come back and do it again.” Edward laughed and lay down beside me, pulling me against the length of his body. He ran his fingers lightly up and down my spine, causing me to shiver with pleasure. “Cold, mana mīla?” he asked, pulling a blanket across us. I shook my head and snuggled closer into his body. “Not with you here,” I said. He tightened his arms around me, and the two of us lay together, enjoying our chance to be together alone for once. We dozed off a couple of times. When I awoke, it was noticeably darker in the room; the sun was setting outside. “Do you need to go?” Edward asked softly. I checked the clock; it was 4:30 p.m. “They can live without me for one night,” I replied. “But I do need to think about how I will eventually leave this room. I don‟t want to run back down that hall in my nightgown again with everyone hanging around.” “I‟ll go get your clothes,” he said, untangling himself from me and pulling on his clothes. He ducked out of the room, and returned a bit later with a change of my clothes, my toiletries and a tray of food. “Wow,” I said, sitting up and switching on the light. Edward unloaded a couple of bottles of water from his pockets. “Are you planning on keeping me prisoner here for a while?” “Yes,” he said, grinning. “Is this a problem?” “Not at all,” I replied. ~~ - ~~ By mutual, unspoken agreement, we didn‟t talk about what had happened yesterday. It was still too raw. Both of us had been under inhuman pressure for far too long – this was our little vacation from reality. It was long overdue and desperately needed. The team was back; we could hear them drifting through the halls, laughing and talking after the day‟s work. I halfexpected Alice to start banging on the door, demanding to know what we were doing. But all was quiet as I lay in his arms on the bed, listening to music on my laptop. “When will you be medically cleared to go home?” I asked him, running my fingers up and down his arm. After so many months apart, just this gentle touching seemed like an unimaginable luxury, and I reveled in it. “That will be up to Alice, but within the next 72 hours, I imagine. Do you wish to fly home with me, mana mīla? It might be safer for you to leave the country too.” Twenty-four hours ago, he probably would have booked my ticket and tied me up to ensure I made my flight. Today, he was asking. It was a start. “Yes,” I said. “We – Jasper and I – had always planned for me to leave the mission as soon as I found you. If I found you. Everything is structured so that my role is redundant.” “Are you not sorry to leave?” he asked tentatively. I looked at him in surprise.

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“Sorry to have found you? Sorry to bring you home to your parents and all our friends?” I touched his cheek. “No, Edward, I am not sorry to leave.” “I was thinking of your career advancement,” he said. “I achieved a great deal just forming the coalition and getting it to work,” I said. “It has been successful beyond my wildest dreams. This is enough for now. Don‟t worry about my career. Let‟s think instead about getting back to New York.” Edward played absently with my hair for a moment. “About that,” he said, hesitating, “do you think perhaps you would allow me to buy our tickets home?” “The coalition will pay for my ticket,” I said. “Then consider it a donation,” he insisted. “Because I do not think the coalition will buy you a first class ticket – and I will.” The thought of flying back to the US in any class other than steerage was tempting. “Please? I have never bought you any presents or given you anything nice. And I would like to do this for you.” “You gave me something nice a couple of hours ago,” I said softly, rolling over in his arms to face him. “Two nice things, in fact.” “As did you,” he murmured, planting kisses on my forehead. I reached down and found the hem of his t-shirt and tugged it over his head. I held the black shirt in one hand and ran my other hand across his chest, suddenly feeling inspired. “Do you trust me, Edward?” I asked him virtuously. His eyes narrowed for a moment. “More than I trust anyone else,” he said – but admittedly, that wasn‟t saying much as Edward didn‟t trust anyone all that much. I sat up in his lap and closed his eyes with my fingers. He smiled, kissing my wrists as I did it. “Then hold still. Please do not be nervous, I will not hurt you.” And I folded his t-shirt lengthwise and tied it around his eyes. Edward instantly froze. I took his hands in mine. “I am here,” I said in Arivistanian. “Do not be afraid. Just lie back and enjoy this.” He cautiously lay back, scooting down on the bed to stretch out to his full length. “You‟ve got too many clothes on,” I added, undoing his jeans and pulling them off him. I could see the conflicting emotions on his face – I knew he disliked feeling vulnerable. But I could also see his dick stirring against his thigh. I straddled his lap and waited until some of his nervousness passed. Then I reached out and stroked his shoulder. He nearly jumped out of his skin at my touch. I put my other hand on his shoulder and leaned forward, letting him feel me shifting my weight so he knew I was coming. I kissed his bruised nose first, then let my mouth trail down to his, kissing him slowly. Edward moaned with the intensity of it. I slid my lips down his jaw and along his neck, nipping at his skin. His collarbone was particularly luscious. I took one finger and ran it in a circle around his nipple, causing him to start so violently that he nearly knocked me off the bed. “Jesus!” he shouted. “It feels … different … when you cannot see.” “Different good or different bad?” I asked, still running circles around his flesh. I moved in his lap a little, giving his rapidly growing erection under me a little friction. Edward gasped, and lifted his hips automatically. “I will take that as good,” I said with a little chuckle, leaning down to give his hardened nipple a lick. I kissed across his chest and gave the other one some love too.

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I slid back on my knees and gave him a moment to catch his breath. Then I ran one finger down his ribs and stomach to his abdomen. “Unh, Bella!” He actually grabbed my hand this time, stopping me from touching him further. “Did I hurt you?” I asked, amused. “No,” he replied, panting a little. “It feels very intense. And I dislike … not having …” “… control, I know.” I ran another finger light as a feather down his torso. He fisted his hands into the sheets to keep himself still. I put my hands at his waist and then nuzzled my face down into his stomach, running my nose along the line of bronze hair that led down between his thighs. I touched his belly button with my tongue, causing him to jump again. Then I slid myself down a little further and very carefully lowered my head to lick his twitching penis. I heard his teeth snap together as he bit back a scream. I paused, giving him a moment. Then I opened my mouth and plunged my mouth around his cock, taking him about half way into his mouth. I didn‟t take him all the way because I knew what he would do next. As soon as he felt my lips around him, he arched his back and shoved his dick all the way to the back of my throat. I licked and sucked back up to the tip of cock, then slid it back into my mouth. On the way back up, I opened my eyes and nearly fainted with lust. Edward‟s fingers were dug into the sheets, and his head was rolling back and forth on the pillow. He was panting like a dog. I reached the tip of his penis again and spent a moment sucking hard on it. I reached below and gave his balls a little squeeze, just so they didn‟t feel left out. This time, he wasn‟t able to restrain the cry that flew out of his mouth. Then I wrapped my hand around the base of his dick and started sucking and stroking at the same time. A few minutes later, his hands were fisted in my hair, and I could feel him getting ready to come. “Bella, oh God, Bella … I am going to … ugnn…” Edward‟s hips pushed him deeper in to my mouth, and I let my teeth scrape lightly against him as he pulled out again. That was enough to trigger his orgasm, his release shooting into my mouth in long, hot streams. I swallowed as fast as I could, wrinkling my nose at the taste. As discreetly as I could, I chugged from the nearest water bottle. Edward was flat on his back, his chest heaving. I pulled off the blindfold and looked down at him. “You OK?” I asked. He nodded, breathless, pulling me down into his arms and tugging the blanket over us. A few minutes later, he was sound asleep against my back, his arm wrapped firmly around me. I relaxed in his embrace and followed him. ~~ - ~~ When I woke up again, everything was dark. The building was silent; it was well after midnight. I wiggled out of Edward‟s grasp, threw on some clothes and walked down to the bathroom. Afterwards, I poked around in the fridge looking for a snack. I went back to our room, munching on a mealy apple. I climbed back into bed, and felt a pair of strong hands wrap around my wrists, pulling me in. “Where were you?” Edward asked, his warm hand groping under my t-shirt. “I was hungry,” I said, taking a sharp breath as he ran his fingers lightly over the peak of my breast. “I went to look for something to eat.” “Hmmmm,” he said, pushing my shirt up over my chest. “I found something to eat right here.” I felt his hands cupping my breasts, his mouth dropping kisses across my flesh until he found my stiffening nipple. He ran his tongue

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over the tip again and again, sucking eagerly. Then he turned his attention to the other side, his hand massaging one breast while he teased the second one with his mouth. I had soaked straight through my underwear and was about to warn him that I would come if he didn‟t stop soon when he finally let my nipple out his mouth with an audible popping sound, and trailed his face down between my legs. “You are all wet for me, my Bella,” he murmured, pulling my sopping panties off me and flinging them away into the darkness. His tongue traced along my folds, licking and rubbing everywhere but on my clit. After a few minutes of unbearable teasing, I was shoving myself in his face, desperate for release. “Do you need something from me?” he teased, looking up from between my thighs. “Yes,” I panted. “Please, Edward.” “Please Edward what?” he said, stroking one finger along the outside of my entrance. I could feel myself blushing in the dark. “Please Edward … please make me come with your mouth,” I said really fast, completely embarrassed but so wound up that I didn‟t care anymore. “With pleasure,” he murmured, his head disappearing back down between my legs. A second later, I felt his tongue flick across my throbbing clit, and I cried out in relief. Less than a minute later, I bit the pillow and screamed as his tongue finally got me off. “You,” I said as he crawled back up the bed and started groping around in the dark for the condoms, “are the biggest tease.” “Thank you,” he said, rolling the latex down over his straining erection. “And now, mana mīla,” he said, bringing his body down against mine and putting his mouth to my ear, “I would like very much to fuck you. May I please fuck you?” “Yes, you may,” I whispered back. I was so wet and open that he pushed all the way in with just one thrust. We both groaned at the sensation of being connected to each other again. Edward pushed my knees back into my chest and began to screw me – hard. It was rough and forceful - just like Edward sometimes. I came just as his orgasm burst through him, both of us gasping with delight and exertion. He had just enough energy left to throw the used condom somewhere near the garbage can – we both giggled when it hit the floor with a wet splat – and pull me into his arms under the blankets. A few minutes later, we were both asleep.

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Ch 20 – Last Night

February 22, 2009 BPOV I woke up early with Edward's warm body draped all over me. He grunted in dissatisfaction when I untangled myself from him and left the room for a bit. I returned with hot coffee and settled down beside him to make a to-do list. I lived by to-do lists. They were everywhere on my desk, in my notebooks and Blackberry, on sticky notes stuck to my laptop and scattered around my house. They kept my chaotic life organized. I was on the fifteenth item of my list when a hand reached over and took my pen away from me. I smiled as Edward wrote "Sex w/Edward" at the very top of the list. "Good morning, gorgeous," I chuckled, recapturing my pen and continuing my list. On item 21, his hand snuck up my shirt. His fingers drifted over the curves of my breasts, touching softly. Edward withdrew his hand, licked his fingers and ran wet circles around the nipple closest to him, causing me to bite my lip with pleasure. The sensation of the cool air hitting my wet skin, combined with his feather-light touch, was unbearably arousing. I moaned. Loudly. Sensing weakness, Edward insinuated his hand between my thighs and started teasing my sex. Now it was impossible to concentrate. I was already dripping wet and now he seemed quite determined to either get me to put down my list and make love ... or else orgasm helplessly against his fingers. I chose the first option, chucking my notebook in the general direction of the bedside table. I heard a crash as it skittered off the side, taking a few things down with it. "That took less time than I expected," he purred as I slid down beside him. "I had planned to work much harder than that." "You know I find you impossible to resist," I murmured, kissing him and reaching under the sheets to find him. He was sporting a serious case of morning wood, which I was happy to help him out with. After a few minutes of adolescent groping, Edward grabbed for the condoms, sending more things on the bedside table flying to the ground. He started pushing into me, then saw me squinch up my eyes a little. "Sore, mana mīla?" he asked tenderly. "A little," I whispered. “But not too sore to stop, so please don‟t.” "I will go slow for you," he replied, setting a gentle pace. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he moved slowly in and out of me. I couldn‟t believe I could be so ready to make love again after yesterday‟s near non-stop action, but I was. Impossibly ready. It wasn‟t long before the insistent pushing of his pelvis against my nerves wound me tighter and tighter. It was slow, beautiful love-making, and I didn‟t want it to end. “I love you,” Edward said in a strained voice above me, “but I cannot hold back much longer.” “Then don‟t,” I said. “Come for me. Come inside me, beloved.” He moaned, and I could feel his strokes starting to speed up, becoming less controlled. My own orgasm was building rapidly, and I closed my eyes in anticipation.

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“No, open your eyes,” Edward ordered huskily. “I want you to look into my eyes as you come.” I looked at him as the spasms started deep inside me. I felt like I was looking at him through a sheet of rain as my orgasm burst up and through me. I could hear his name echoing through the room, and I realized I must be crying aloud it as I came. I saw him bite his lip, his face beginning to contort with his own peak. His eyelids fluttered shut. “Keep your eyes open, Edward,” I teased. They flew back open, but I wasn‟t sure if he could see me. I could feel him winding tight inside my body then exploding into me. His face was blindingly beautiful as he came. It took him a few minutes to come back from his release, his green eyes dopey and unfocused. “Love you,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to each of his eyes. “You are … the only man I will ever want, ever love.” He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me. He slipped out of me and lobbed the condom at the garbage can. This one hit the side with disastrous results. “Even after that mess?” he asked, laughing. “Even after that,” I replied. We lay in each other arms for a few moments, and I could feel my body drifting back toward sleep. Not a chance. The thunderous knock on the door startled both of us out of our wits. “Open up in there, you two!” Alice demanded from the hallway. “You both need to take your meds. And I want to see Bella in the infirmary for a quick check-up.” I sat up and started hunting for a shirt. “Don‟t try to pretend you‟re asleep, the whole hallway could hear you wailing Edward‟s name a few minutes ago, Bella.” I froze in horror, my face turning scarlet. “I‟ve got a master key to all the doors here, and if you don‟t open up, I‟m coming in to get you.” “Bloody hell, Alice … hold your horses!” I shouted irritably, finally finding Edward‟s shirt and throwing it on. Edward vanished down under the covers – little coward. I unlocked the door and threw it open. Alice immediately started to talk, then stopped abruptly. She looked down and covered her mouth with her hand in amusement. I crossed my arms and tapped my foot on the floor. “You made a scene in the hall so you could laugh at me?” I asked. “No,” she said, looking back up. “I‟m sorry … it‟s just that ….” She gestured at the room, and I turned to look at it. Admittedly, it was a shambles. The underwear that Edward has stripped off me last night had landed on the back of my desk chair. We‟d knocked everything off the surface of the bedside table this morning; pens, pencils, notebooks and water bottles were scattered across the floor. And the two unmentionables beside the garbage can were in full view. I turned back, blushing fiercely. “Uh, yeah … well …” Alice‟s face softened as she saw the flustered look on my face. “We‟ll catch up later, honey,” she said. “I‟m staying back today … can you each drop around the infirmary sometime before lunch so I can check you out?” “I will,” I promised. She glanced over my shoulder at the lump under the blankets. “You too, Mr. Cullen?” she asked. Edward grunted in response. “So cheerful …” “I‟ll see you in about an hour, Alice,” I said firmly, closing the door.

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“Glad you liked the nightgown!” she shouted as the door swung shut. I looked around and groaned, seeing the crumpled bundle of white silk dangling from the edge of my desk. Edward emerged from the covers and started to laugh at my expression. I glared at him. “So fierce,” he teased, patting the bed beside him. “Come here. I desire you even more when you are angry, you know.” I smiled in spite of myself and lay down in his arms. He stroked my wild hair gently. “I suppose we cannot spend another day in here alone, can we? I have not even begun to have enough of you.” His lips started to brush along my neck, causing my whole body to shiver in delight. “I wish we could,” I replied. “But there is much I have to do if we are to leave the country in the next 48 hours.” I ran my hand over his scrubby hair. “But we will have more time together later. Tonight. And eventually, we‟ll have to slow down or I won‟t be able to walk.” Edward laughed. It occurred to me that I had never heard him laugh so much in the past, not even when we were in GYL. ~~ - ~~ “So?” said Alice as she took my blood pressure. “So what?” I asked. “How was last night?” I looked down at my hands and turned five shades of red. “That good, huh?” She pulled the cuff off me and handed me my antibiotics with a bottle of water. “Down the hatch,” she instructed, keeping an eye on me to make sure I took all the medication. “It was the best night of my life,” I said quietly. “I‟m glad,” she said. I blushed even more and looked awkwardly at everything except Alice for a moment. She leaned down into my field of vision and took my hand. “It‟s OK, Bella, really it is,” she said, seeing my petrified expression. “We‟ve been friends for a long time. You‟ve had to listen to me go on all these years about your boss. I figure you‟re entitled to gossip about your sex life for a change.” “I just … I don‟t know what to say,” I said hesitantly. “It‟s like everything for the first time all over again. Like every man who came before him was just a … a practice round for him. He‟s everything I‟ve ever wanted. We‟ve been together for days now, and hardly fought at all. You don‟t know how rare that is for us. There was a time when all we did was fight.” “Everybody grows up, Bella. Even brilliant, over-achieving idealists like you two. Maybe you two have just reached a point where your emotional maturity has caught up with your brains and bodies.” “Maybe so,” I said softly. “I just don‟t know what‟s going to happen when we get back to New York. It‟s been like a dream here, a time outside of reality, just for us. Maybe when we go home … it won‟t be like that anymore.” Alice‟s tinkling laugh filled the room, startling me. “If you two manage to fuck this up again, on your own heads be it. I don‟t think I‟ve ever seen two people who loved each other more, who were so willing to put their lives on the line for one another. Now you‟ve just got to get down to the business of loving each other on a daily basis in real life.” Alice stroked my hair, still damp from the shower. “Just love each other hard, and don‟t be bloody prideful idiots. If you can do that, you‟ll be fine.” ~~ - ~~ A few hours later, I came into our room to find Edward sprawled out on his stomach across the bed, using my computer. His long legs dangled off the end of the bed. I nearly dropped everything in my hands and leapt on him, he was that sexy.

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I must have made a noise in my throat because he looked up from what he was doing and smiled at me. “I am just booking our tickets home, mana mīla,” he said. “Do you wish aisle or window?” “As long as it is beside you, I don‟t care,” I said, putting my things down and kneeling down beside him. I pushed the computer away, took his face between my hands and kissed him. My lips were sore from scraping against his unshaven face so much, but I couldn‟t get enough of him. Every kiss was a reminder that he was here, alive, in my arms. Edward finally pulled back a little, rubbing his nose against mine. “What are you thinking, my dearest love?” he whispered. “That Alice is right,” I replied. “That we‟re going to be fine.” ~~ - ~~ I had one more important task to do today. As Edward finished up the reservation online, I dug through my stuff to find what I needed. Then I took the computer, hooked it up to my portable printer and cranked out a few sheets. Edward picked one up, scanned it, and looked at me with a resigned sigh. “For your toy soldiers?” he said snottily. “Yes, for them,” I said, not taking the bait. “I can appreciate your feelings in this area. But, my love, they saved your life. And mine. And I will not leave them in jeopardy for that.” I pulled out the crumpled shopping bag Carlisle had given me a lifetime ago in his study. “If they prefer, they can have this instead.” Edward peeked inside, and his eyes went wide. “Care to guess who gave me that? For the express purpose of bribery?” “I can guess,” he said. “I am also guessing that my mother is not aware of this.” “That is true,” I conceded. “But I have higher expectations of you.” Edward looked away for a moment; when he turned back, his expression was less troubled. “I will not stand in your way,” he said briefly. I smiled and put my hand against his cheek. He leaned into my palm and closed his eyes. “Oh,” I said suddenly. “I nearly forgot.” I went back into my bags and found the envelope Emmett had given me. “You don‟t need to pay for that ticket after all. The class collected this for you.” I tossed the envelope to him, and he opened it. “I do not understand …” he said, looking at the money. “This is … for me? Why?” “To get you home, beloved,” I said. “Alive. Or to bring you home …to rest. Properly.” “That is very … unexpected,” he said thickly. He swallowed and looked up at me, his eyes suspiciously bright. “They love you,” I said. “I love you.” I pulled his hand up and kissed his palm lingeringly, running the tip of my tongue down his wrist. “I love you – hard.” ~~ - ~~ Sergei and Sevastian sat down across from me, looking wary. I‟m sure they figured this would be the end of a very comfortable gig for the two of them.

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“It is time for me to return to America. Both Edward and I are well enough to travel again,” I said in Kartesian, cutting to the chase. They looked at one another with resigned expressions. “We thought you might be leaving soon,” said Sergei. “We are sorry to see you go. You have been kind to us, and not just in business. As a person as well. You are a brave and honorable woman.” “You have been kind to me as well,” I said. “I owe you my life. I wish to repay you for this, and not just with money.” They looked at me blankly, no doubt wondering what could be better than cash. “I am wondering if either of you have considered … leaving Kartesia? Perhaps starting a new life, in another country. A safer country?” Their eyes nearly bugged out of their heads. “My country?” “What you speak of is every young Kartesian man‟s dream,” growled Sevastian. “But it is a dream few achieve. It is difficult for Kartesians to gain entry to your country.” I smiled and pulled out the paperwork Carlisle had sent me. “It is less difficult when you know the right people,” I said. “I have made inquiries. If you wish, you can fill out this documentation now. Then, in a week or so, you will be able to follow me to the United States. You will be granted entry as refugees. And you could begin again.” I pushed the papers across the table. “You are both young, strong men. Men of character. You could make something of yourselves in America.” They both stared at me. “Or, if you prefer to stay here, I can provide some … incentive … for your continued silence in regards to what has happened here between us.” Sergei looked down at the form Carlisle had sent to me. “I would go to America,” he said softly. “I have no wife, no children. There is no future for me here, except to stay in the army. I believe I can do better.” He drew the papers across the table. Sevastian followed his lead. “For me as well,” he said. “I think you have made the right choice,” I said, smiling. “You will not regret this.” ~~ - ~~ After the team returned for the night, I had a long – and heated – meeting with the executive committee. “He‟s a living witness to the atrocities in the camp, as are you,” Justin Goldstein urged. “I just don‟t feel we can pass this opportunity by. I say we leak your arrival time in NYC to the media and take advantage of the coverage.” “Absolutely not,” I replied, trying to keep a tight rein on my temper. “It‟s one thing for me – I‟m media trained and used to being in the spotlight. But Edward‟s been through hell. The last thing he needs is a media scrum when he finally clears Immigration.” “You‟re allowing your personal feelings to cloud your professional judgment,” he snapped. “I am not here in a professional capacity,” I responded, enraged. “I stepped down as the leader of the coalition many days ago – perhaps you hadn‟t heard? I am here on Edward‟s behalf, for which you should be thankful, as he would have most likely bitten everyone‟s head off by now.” I could feel my hands shaking with anger. “He is the man I love, and I will not see him turned into a tool for anyone – including my own organization. Any one of you would do the same for your spouse or partner.” I hadn‟t quite planned on making a public declaration of my love for Edward at the conference table, but I figured they had all guessed or knew by now what we were. “Bella,” the Rev interjected, and I rounded on him furiously. He held up both hands in front of him in a gesture of surrender. “Stop for a moment. We understand your position. Could I suggest a compromise?” I took a deep breath and gestured for him to go forward. “What about after you get home? Maybe a few days or a week after. Allow you both to get your feet under you, have Edward visit his family. And then we do a press conference, under more

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controlled circumstances.” I pursed my lips, considering this suggestion. It was a reasonable compromise – but only if Edward was willing. “I can live with that. I can float it to Edward, or you can pitch it to him yourselves. Your choice.” I smiled humorlessly. “We‟re leaving tomorrow – perhaps one of you would like to try media training him this evening?” Everybody suddenly found something more interesting to look at around the room. “That‟s what I thought. Look, I‟ll talk to him tonight. We‟ve got a night flight back to New York tomorrow, so I‟ll give you his answer before we leave. Will that work?” “Yeah, it works,” said the Rev. He glanced around the room and nodded at Jasper, who stood up. “Listen, Bella,” Jas said a little awkwardly, “you made this happen. The coalition, this mission, everything. I know we‟ll all face some pretty heady things down in our careers yet to come, but it‟s hard to imagine a bigger one than this. For any of us.” I saw heads nodding around the table. “We have some ideas in mind on how to recognize you officially, but those will come later. Right now, we just wanted to thank you personally for having the guts and determination to pull this off.” They went around the table, each person saying thank you, sharing an anecdote or story, something special they appreciated. It was intensely embarrassing and incredibly emotional. Jazzy was last. He just looked at me for a long while, his bright blue eyes sparkling. It took me a moment to understand the emotion I could see – it was pride. “Bella, you‟ve always said you‟d follow me anywhere. After the last six months, I want you to know the feeling is entirely mutual.” He swallowed hard and smiled. Suddenly, we weren‟t sitting in a makeshift conference room on the northern Latvian border. We were standing in Dakar, Senegal, both of us covered in mud, filth and sweat from a day in a refugee camp. “You did good work here, Bella. I hope you know that. You touched some lives.” I remembered him saying the exact same words to me when we‟d said goodbye in Senegal. “And in the end, you saved the one life you so desperately needed to save. We‟ll miss you here for the next few months, but I‟m glad you‟re going home with him. He‟s a good man, the right man for you. For what it‟s worth, please accept my blessing.” There were no dry eyes in the room as we embraced. ~~ - ~~ It was our last night together in the camp. Tomorrow, we would go to Riga, then we‟d be winging home to New York City. I had had Edward all to myself for days; it would soon be time for me to share once again. But not tonight. Only the desk lamp was on when I opened the door to our room and slipped inside much later that evening. Edward had kept mostly to himself the whole time he‟d been here, which didn‟t surprise me. He had always been a solitary creature. I closed and locked the door behind me, then turned to see him. He was sprawled out on the bed, as he had been earlier today. The difference now was that he was looking up at me, all scruff and dark green eyes. He was propped up on his elbows, his chin in his hands. And he was naked.

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“I missed you,” he said sexily, rolling on to his side and stretching. His long body reached the length of the bed, his feet hanging slightly off the end. He was doing this on purposes. Every inch of him was pure, hot sex on a stick. My eyes were nearly falling out of my head at this point. I could hear a little whimpering noise issuing from my throat. I looked down – I couldn‟t not look down. He was already fully erect. And as I stared at him, he smiled provocatively, reached down and started touching himself. I lost it. EPOV I wanted to see what she would do if I pushed her far enough. I thought I would feel like a fool lying naked on her bed when she walked into the room. Instead, I was more aroused than I could have imagined as her eyes burned a trail down my body. I wanted her to feel the same lust I felt. I wanted her to lose control. She did. Bella‟s things crashed to the floor, and she leaped on to the bed, pushing me on to my back. She carefully – but very firmly - removed my hand from my penis. “Mine,” she growled. And she plunged me into her mouth, sucking me all the way down until I was buried in the back of her throat. A startled moan of delight burst out of my chest as she set a steady, punishing rhythm up and down my cock. If this was what provoking my love got me, then I would wait naked on a bed every night for her for the rest of my life. I loved the feel of her lips around me. I loved watching her face, her brow furrowed in concentration as she sucked on me. It was the best feeling in the world. I began pushing my hips up to meet her mouth, writhing with pleasure. My balls were tightening, and I could feel my cock twitching in anticipation inside her warm mouth. But just before I reached my point of no return, Bella pulled her mouth away and grinned at me. I growled my extreme displeasure. Damn her. Perhaps she wanted to watch me finish the job. I had done this with other women, and it too could be very exciting. I reached for my aching penis, but Bella unexpectedly smacked my hand away – hard – before I could touch myself. “That‟s mine,” she repeated. “You come when I say you do, not before.” The prohibition set me on fire and, for a moment, I thought I might burst right there on the bed in front of her. I gulped down a deep breath and concentrated on the ceiling instead. Bella was the only woman who could get away with this with me. She climbed off me and yanked off her own clothing. Her nipples were erect and straining, and her panties were already wet through. When she was naked, she placed her knees on either side of my face and put her hands against the wall for support. “Pleasure me,” she demanded, her voice hoarse with lust. I took hold of her thighs and roughly wrenched her down closer. I spread her open with one hand and feasted on her.

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I licked every inch of her warm wetness, pushing my tongue up deep inside her. My cock was aching to be buried inside her, but I shoved all thoughts of my own pleasure out my head and concentrated on satisfying the woman above me. I dragged my lips up to her clit, kissing it hungrily. Her hips jerked, and she pushed down against mouth, looking for more friction. I brought my tongue up to rub slowly around her hard nub. Her thighs started to tremble around my face, and I flicked my tongue over her clit. The feel of her soft skin and the taste of her arousal was driving me mad with desire, and I moaned against her. I was vaguely aware that my cock was twitching uncontrollably against my thigh, desperate for release. I buried my face in her pussy and felt her muscles begin to contract against me. I rubbed her mercilessly with my tongue, and she exploded, crying out as she climaxed. When she was done, I rested my head against her thigh, kissing the soft skin there and struggling with my own arousal. Bella shifted, reached across me and then scooted down over my body. She picked up my heavy cock and rolled a condom down over top of me. Then she smiled, held me in one hand and then pushed herself down hard, taking me all the way into her tight warmth. “Does that feel good?” she purred, leaning over and nipping at my ear. No, please do not talk dirty to me. I cannot control myself when you do that. I did not answer, just grasped her hips and thrust hard up into her body. The sensation was exquisite. Bella pushed herself up and slid slowly back down again, making me cry out with pleasure. Then she raised up high, leaving just my tip quivering inside her. “Take your hands off me, Edward. Put them up above your head,” she ordered. “Or I‟ll stop right now.” I whipped my hands back so hard they smacked against the concrete wall behind me. “Good boy,” she praised. “You feel so good inside me,” she whispered, still hovering on the tip of my erection. “I can feel every inch of your hot…” Bella shoved down on me again, “hard cock.” My head was rolling on the pillow, my hands digging into the mattress in an effort not to grab her body. I lost track of time as she slowly rode me, pushing me up to the limit, then slowing down until I had control again. It was hot, frustrating and incredibly erotic. “Are you almost there, Edward? Are you ready? Do you want to come?” she panted in my ear. “I am ready,” I said through my teeth. “Do you wish me to come?” Being dominated by a woman was an utterly new experience for me … a violently pleasurable one. I was shaking with my desire to release into her, but determined to hold out as long as I could for her permission. Or failing that, her pleasure. With that in mind, I reached up and nestled my finger into her dark curls, stroking against her swollen clit as we fucked. Bella ground down hard on to me, once, twice …and then she exploded, arching above me in her orgasm. Her muscles squeezed me so tight that I shouted in excitement. There was no way I could resist this … “Please,” I begged. “Please, please, please…” “Yes, Edward!” she shrieked in the throes of her climax. My hands flew down to her waist, and I shoved her roughly down as hard as I could on to my agonized cock. One thrust and I was pouring into her in the most powerful orgasm of my life. I could see stars behind my eyelids as I spurted mindlessly into her body. I had no idea how long it lasted. When I was finally spent, I opened my eyes and saw her still perched on top of me, satisfaction radiating off of her, and a very smug look on her face. She would be the death of me. And I loved her all the more for it.

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I moved my hands from her waist up her body. She would wear bruises on her hips for a few days because of this. Part of me was remorseful for causing her any pain. A deeper, darker part of me was secretly glad that she would bear a small reminder of this night for a day or two. I reached her shoulders and ran my hands down over her arms to her wrists. Which I locked my hands around firmly, then pulled her warm little body down against me. “When we get home,” I murmured into her ear, “you will learn that I have an iron bedstead in my room. And there you will discover what it is like to be bound, helpless and begging for mercy before me.” A fierce shudder went through her body. And then she whispered into my ear. “I hope you like to play rough.”

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Ch 21 – Flight

February 23, 2009 BPOV I knew something was wrong before we had even left the camp. I‟d been up since dawn, packing, having last-minute meetings, trying to touch base with as many people as possible before we left. Edward, having almost no possessions and not being here in any official capacity, was left mainly to his own devices. I saw him laughing with Jasper and later in deep conversation – strangely enough – with the Rev. But mostly I was too busy to keep track of him. There were no long goodbyes when the time came. Our luggage went into the back of the SUV, we exchanged brief farewells with everyone left in the compound, and we were gone. Neither Edward nor I could endure long goodbyes, especially with people we were close to. No one from GYL could. But even as we were getting ready to leave, I could feel Edward‟s aloofness. I caught him staring at me more than once, his eyes brooding. His touch became impersonal and icy. My dark, angry Edward had returned. With flawless courtesy, he insisted I ride in the front seat of the vehicle with the driver. So I wouldn‟t feel ill, he explained. “But I want to be with you,” I protested quietly. “It would be better if you sat up front,” he responded, his voice distant. The drive to Riga was a silent one. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what had happened to cause his sudden change in mood. Had I humiliated him in bed last night? No, he had told me as I had drifted off to sleep in his arms how much pleasure our little game had given him, and how much he looked forward to returning the favor. Had it been something Jasper had said? I glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw Edward staring out the window, his mind far away somewhere else. Was it just 24 hours ago that I‟d told Alice that we hadn‟t fought? Clearly spoke too soon there. But this was the first time I had ever been at a loss as to what caused the problem. Whatever the problem was, he wasn‟t talking. Not at the airport in Riga. Not during the two-hour flight between Riga and Frankfurt. And he was still gone from me as we were in Frankfurt sitting in the lounge for first class passengers. By this point, the tension between us was thick enough to cut with a knife, and I was feeling sick to my stomach. And angry. And very, very scared. “OK, let‟s have it,” I suddenly blurted out. “What is your problem this time?” In my fear, the words came out harsher than I‟d intended, and I immediately regretted going on the offensive. Edward didn‟t say anything at first; he just looked at me for a long time with a thoughtful look on his face. “My problem,” he said slowly. “Of course, it is just assumed that I am the one who has a problem here.”

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“You‟re the one sulking,” I said. “All I‟ve done today is pack my stuff, say goodbye to my colleagues, get some work done and fly here. Not sure what which of those tasks made you so angry.” I saw anger starting to simmer deep in his eyes, melting the iciness, and knew that something I had said had hit close to the mark. “Yes, you did get some work done, didn‟t you?” he said, his voice suddenly unpleasant. “Last night, before you came to our bed, you got some work done.” I stared at him, trying to keep up. Last night … what had happened last night? Shit. The meeting about our media plans. “I can float it to Edward … We’ve got a night flight back to New York tomorrow, so I’ll give you his answer before we leave.” “Are you talking about the meeting I had with the exec team about how to handle media coverage?” “Yes, I am. Imagine my surprise when the Rev asked me how I felt about your proposal. It was a humiliation to tell him you had not bothered to seek my opinion.” “Well, why didn‟t you just say so?” I asked testily. “I‟m sorry I forgot to discuss it with you. But I walked into the room and found you naked on our bed. With your dick in your hand. Did you really want me to sit down and discuss PR tactics with you at that point?” He had the decency to flush at my words. “No, of course not. But afterward or first thing this morning would not have been amiss. Or – here is an exciting idea – inviting me to the meeting in the first place?” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “Or am I only to serve you in the bedroom in this relationship?” “Oh, for God‟s sake, Edward. Spare me the drama,” I snapped, picking up my coffee and blowing on it. “I made the right decision on the media coverage. Why are you so upset about it? Would you have preferred to face the media immediately upon clearing immigration in New York City? You know, I could still arrange for that to happen,” I sneered, gesturing to my Blackberry on the table between us, daring him to ask me. At that moment, I knew exactly what I was doing. I was being a bitch because I was embarrassed about messing up. And because deep inside, I disliked having my professional decisions challenged by my lover. “I have no issue with the decision regarding media coverage,” he said, visibly restraining his anger. “However, that you excluded me from the decision-making process – that you consistently do so – is unacceptable. Particularly when the decision at hand directly affects me.” He rose, and I glared at him as he towered over me. “I am an intelligent human being, Isabella. Just as intelligent as you are,” he said in a low voice. “I am a proud, difficult man, but I am not without reason. Nor am I a child. And most importantly, I am not your possession. Which is suddenly how I am feeling.” The cold calmness of his face was somehow even more frightening than his anger. He picked up his knapsack, and gestured me back down when I started rise, my hand reaching for his. “I would like some time to myself, Bella,” he said. “And I encourage you to take this time to think about what I am to you. Because if you are looking for a pet who will service you in the bedroom and tamely do your bidding at all other times, I am not that man. I never have been, and I thought you knew that. But then again, perhaps you are not the woman I have always believed you to be.” I sank back down into my chair, coffee still in hand. “I will see you on the plane.” Edward started to leave, then turned back abruptly. “For your information, I am fully media trained.” And he was gone.

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~~ - ~~ We had six hours between our flights. I spent most of it sitting in that same chair in the lounge. What had just happened? It was the Nariovski anger again, I decided. Edward having one of his fits of temper. He had done it a million times before over any number of things. He would sulk for a little, then return with an apology. Right? I sat there for a little while longer, coffee growing cold before me. Why hadn’t I invited him to that meeting? At the time, it had seemed like the right thing to do. Edward had been through a lot. He didn‟t need any more pressure or decisions. It was better for him to relax and have time to himself, not wrangle with the executive committee about media strategies. And it sure is easier to get things done without him arguing all the time. Where had that thought come from? Well, it was easier to get things done without him around. That was true. And he did argue a lot. In the end, we would have almost certainly come to the same conclusion if he had been involved – it just would have taken longer. So why exclude him? Because it was … easier. And since I knew him so well, it was second nature to come up with solutions that were acceptable to him. So there was no need of his presence. I knew what was best for him. I knew what was best for Edward. Even more so than Edward himself, right? “Shit,” I said out loud. A man sitting one seat over looked at me out of the corner of his eye, then went back to his newspaper. I had messed up. Big time. ~~ - ~~ EPOV I delayed boarding the flight. We were in first class, there was no rush. And I wanted to stretch my legs fully before boarding. As if walking about the airport fuming for five hours did not sufficiently ensure all the kinks were worked out. I was nervous. What if she did not board the plane? I knew that was irrational, but the thought preyed on me nonetheless. Isabella‟s temper was not as formidable as mine. But it would not be outside the realm of possibility that she would refuse to take a flight with me after such a confrontation.

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What if she was on the plane but did not understand why I was angry about this? This was more likely. And potentially more devastating. Because if she did not understand this, then we would be undone. Could she have changed so much in such a short period of time? I was stubborn. I took myself far too seriously. But more than that, I was my own man. Bella knew this, knew me better than anyone else – myself included. I could bear being rescued by her. Being nursed by her. And even being dominated by her in our bed to further our pleasure. But I could not bear being disrespected. This I could not endure in any relationship. It was my nature. And if she could not accept this, then even our passionate, irrational, intense love for one another would not be enough to bind us. Realizing I could not put this off any longer, I boarded, climbing up the steps to the upper deck of the 747. The first class cabin was spacious, staffed by pleasantly fawning attendants who welcomed me warmly. Sitting at the back of the cabin was Bella. She was leaning against the window, lost in thought. Her attendant asked her a question, but she did not respond. The woman asked again, and Bella looked up. And saw me. I could see that she had been crying. But I could also see something in her eyes that told me that she understood why I had been angry. My whole body relaxed. We were going to be all right. “Mana mīla,” I whispered when I reached her side. I put my little bag overhead and allowed the flight attendant to take my coat. I waved away the champagne she was trying to press on me as I sat down beside Bella. She looked at me, and then leaned over to wrap her arms around me. “I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me, my dearest love?” she asked against my neck. I buried my face in her long brown hair and inhaled her scent. “Yes,” I whispered back. “It is well between us now. I need you to know what I am if we are to continue forward.” “I have gotten so used to being without you. Planning without you. So much so that even when you were with me again, I found it easier to exclude you.” Her cheek was resting against my neck, her hands twining in my hair as she spoke. I could feel warmth, wetness, and I knew she was crying. “I have never been good at working with you. And I haven‟t been any better in the last few weeks. How will we make this work when we are home?” “We have not had a conventional relationship, love. Neither of us is conventional.” I pulled back and traced her lower lip with my thumb. “We have been friends. We have been enemies.” She smiled at that, a bit tremulously. “We have saved one another‟s lives. And we are the most passionate of lovers.” Bella shivered involuntarily at that, and I willed my body not to react. With limited success. “Now it is time for us to be equals. And this will take some learning and practice on both our parts.” I leaned forward and kissed her, relishing the feel of her lips against mine. I had meant it to be a chaste kiss, but neither of us seemed able to prevent it from becoming more. Eventually, polite but persistent throat clearing beside me brought me back to reality. “Mr. Cullen? Ms Swan?” the attendant asked. “I apologize for interrupting you. We will soon be taking off. Could I ask you to put on your seat belts?” “Of course,” I said, pulling back from Bella, who was flushed pink. More from desire than from embarrassment, I realized. I reached for my seat belt as the attendant moved off, but Bella took it from me.

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“Allow me,” she said with a smile, taking her time fastening it around me. Her fingers brushed slowly over the bulge in my pants, lightly tracing the outline of my stiff cock. I smashed my lips together to hold back a groan. This was going to be a very long flight indeed. ~~ - ~~ This was Bella‟s first time flying first class, and her excitement was infectious. She explored our seating space thoroughly, marveling at all the little extras. The attendants found her most charming. As did I. Compared to what I had been eating for the last several months, the food was magnificent. There was champagne before take-off, then cocktails, and wine with dinner. Both of us were a little tipsy by the time dessert was done. And I was desperately aroused. A good argument always excited me; a good argument with Bella did so doubly. The alcohol most definitely did not help. I hadn‟t had a decent drink for months, and the champagne and wine went straight to my head – or rather, straight between my legs. Bella looked bewitching, her brown hair piled high on her head with loose tendrils drifting around her lovely face. Her sweet mouth was very kissable, and I couldn‟t stop myself from indulging in it even more than usual. There was plenty of leg room in the first class cabin, but the damn armrest between our two seats prevented any real contact. When Bella slid in front of me to walk to the restroom, I suppressed a fierce desire to follow her in there. But taking women in cramped, dirty airplane washrooms was not something that appealed to me. On her return to her seat, I tugged her down into my lap, letting her feel how much I wanted her right now. “I am dying for you too, my heart,” she whispered in my ear in Arivistanian. She nuzzled against my neck and gave my ear a little nip, causing my already hard penis to grow even more under her thighs. “We will have each other, but it will have to be very quiet and careful,” I whispered back. “Just a little more patience, mana mīla.” As late afternoon edged into evening, the attendants turned down the lights, lowered the shades and ensured everyone had a blanket. I asked for a couple of extras. As soon the area was darkened and everyone settled, the flight attendants slipped behind the curtain for their break, as they always did on trans-Atlantic flights. I glanced around. We were in the back row, so the only person who had a full view of us was our neighbor sitting directly across from us. Once he was asleep, I slipped out of my seat. Bella turned on her side and I wiggled into her seat beside her, spooning against her back. The flat beds were very narrow, but Bella was tiny and I had lost enough of my bulk in Arivistan to fit. And by this point, desire was winning out over discomfort. I snuggled up against her under the blankets and began nibbling eagerly along her neck. “Be very quiet for me, mana mīla. No sound, no matter how hard I make you come,” I breathed into her ear. I could hear her breath catch in her throat at the implicit promise in my voice. My hand slid under her shirt, and cupped her breast firmly through her lacy bra. My thumb stroked inward until I found the tip of her erect nipple. She didn‟t make a sound, but I felt the jolt of arousal shoot through her entire body as I teased her sensitive tip. Wanting to feel her warm flesh against my fingers, I pulled her bra aside to cup her soft breast in my hand. Her nipple was hard against my palm, and I rubbed it in a circle. I slid my hand down to her other breast and touched it too, letting my fingers wander back and forth between her hard points. She felt so good under my hands. It clearly felt good for her to, as she pushed her hips back and started rubbing her ass against my raging erection. The feeling was so incredible that I had to bury my face in her neck to keep from moaning out loud.

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I tugged at the waistband of her yoga pants, hungry to touch more. Bella lifted her hips and easily shimmied them down and off without attracting any attention. I went back for her underwear, only to discover she was wearing none. I made a sound deep in my throat, and I could feel Bella‟s laughter tremble through her body pressed against mine. I smiled against her neck and walked my fingers down her body to the juncture of her thighs. Very lightly, I ran my finger along her sex, feeling her moisture already spilling out of her. I was not the only one who was eager; Bella was very ready for me. I clamped my arm hard around her ribs, restricting what little movement she had with the two of us flush against one another in this small space. I skimmed my finger through her folds. As soon as I brushed over her clit, she jerked against me. “Feel good, my love?” I breathed into her ear. She nodded her head furiously. “Do you want me to touch you more, right there?” Another fast nod. I dipped my fingers into her wetness and ran gentle circles relentlessly around her hard nub. I could feel her breath coming in hard, silent pants, and I knew she was close. “Shhhh,” I hushed. “Quiet now while I make you come.” I teased her lightly for a moment or two more, and then started firmly rubbing my fingertips over her clit. In a matter of seconds, her body froze, then her orgasm poured through her. Bella‟s body shook violently in release while she struggled to stay quiet. I was now excited beyond measure, and had to get inside her before I wasted my pleasure in my pants. I wiggled a condom out of my front pocket and held the package in my teeth while I quietly unzipped my jeans and pushed them down to my knees. I was so hard now that I ached, and it was torture getting the condom out of the package and on to my cock quietly and quickly. As soon as Bella felt my erection rubbing against her bottom, she pressed herself against it, seeking me. I nudged her leg up so I could find her opening. Her folds were drenched from her climax, and I slid in easily, all the way up. I wrapped my arm around her ribs and thrust very lightly with my hips. Bella pushed back against me. Together, we rocked almost imperceptibly under the blankets, my hard cock buried to the hilt inside her warmth. I knew as soon as I entered her that I would not last long. I had been aroused for hours and was wildly excited by the feel of her orgasm under my fingers. Knowing that we could not move enough to build up much friction, Bella squeezed her inner muscles tightly, magnifying my pleasure. After only a minute or two inside her, I was lost – I let out a tiny groan and exploded, unable to hold back another second. “So good,” I murmured in her ear, and she made a tiny sound of agreement. I wrapped my arms around her, still pushed deep inside her body. I knew I should pull out, but her warmth felt so good around me. “Love you.” Bella reached down and laced her fingers with mine and we lay like that for a while. BPOV I could stay like this forever. The only disadvantage was that I couldn‟t see his face, look into his eyes, as I lay in his arms. The fact that we were half naked under a couple of ratty blankets in an airplane full of people was a consideration as well. But even cramped into this narrow coffin of a bed, with all these people around us, I felt closer to Edward than I ever had in my life. I shifted slightly, and felt him begin to stir again inside me. I felt his lips brushing down the back of my neck, and his hand pulled away from mine and traced down between my legs. His fingers lazily stroked through my curls, down to where he and I were joined. If his erection hadn‟t been growing rapidly inside my body, I would have thought his mind was entirely elsewhere as he absently ran his fingers up and down my sex. Up and down, around and around, in little figure eights … as my orgasm began to build, an image of him playing piano at his parents‟ house floated up out of the recesses of my mind. It had been a few years ago. I remembered watching his hands flying up and down the keys with utter fascination. It had been both brilliant and

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shockingly arousing. That memory of him burned behind my eyes as I came around him, a little moan of pleasure escaping from me as I did. A couple of minutes later, Edward followed me over the edge. We lay there, utterly spent, for a few moments. Then Edward slipped out of me, and pulled his pants back up over his hips. I felt a warm kiss on my ear. “I will be right back,” he whispered. I missed his warm body pressed against mine as he vanished for a bit. Then he was back, kneeling beside me in the semi-dark. “Put your pants back on, darling,” he said softly. “Before they turn the lights back on.” I pulled on my yoga pants, snuggled back down into the blankets and drifted off. ~~ - ~~ When I awoke, they were just starting to serve a meal – which meal it was or what time it was, I had no idea. Edward was reading a newspaper in his seat beside me. He looked very serious. No outward sign that the two of us had just joined the Mile High Club. He looked over at me, saw that I was awake, and smiled. “Good morning, mana mīla,” he said. “Or rather, good evening. Did you have a pleasant sleep?” “I did,” I said with a smile. “I had the most wonderful dream. Actually, two of them.” He chuckled and blushed a little. “Me too,” he replied in a low voice. I sat up and pushed my hair back into a ponytail. “We have about three hours left on the flight,” Edward said as I accepted a drink from the attendant. “Do you want to work? Read? Sleep some more?” I knew I should work … I had hundreds of emails waiting for my attention. We had a media storm to endure in the coming weeks, lots of preparation needed there. And God knew what other crises were brewing in the world that would require my attention next. But for now, I was with the man I loved, and this was where real life for us would begin. “Maybe watch a movie?” I suggested. “I don‟t imagine you‟ve seen much in the last while. In fact, I think the Academy Awards were handed out last weekend. Perhaps we should try to catch up a little.” “That sounds good,” he replied with a smile. And so Edward and I spent the next two hours watching a movie, holding hands … and beginning our life together.

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Ch 22 – Home

February 24, 2009 EPOV When I was finally released from Immigration and Naturalization Services (INS), Bella was sitting on the floor, back propped against our luggage. It was just after midnight, and she was typing furiously on her Blackberry. My interview with INS had lasted about 20 minutes and was a necessary evil. Anyone else re-entering the country after an unexplained seven-month absence near a war zone would probably have been subject to greater scrutiny. However, my father had taken steps in advance to smooth my return – I was treated with courtesy and allowed to enter the US after a short lecture and a stern warning. I held out my hand to Bella and pulled her to her feet. She hugged me. “Welcome home,” she said. “Thanks to you,” I replied. “And my father, it would seem. Although I think INS would prefer if I stayed home for the next few months.” I pushed the luggage cart to the final Customs checkpoint and handed in our cards. I expected them to detain me again, but the guard gave waved us through. “Your parents are here,” she said. “Carlisle called while you were in INS.” We walked through the automatic doors, and I saw them immediately. There was a brief moment of uncertainty as they saw us. Bella they recognized, but I looked much different than the son who went away last summer. I smiled and waved, and my mother burst into tears. Of course. “Go,” Bella urged, nudging me as she took the cart. I ran the rest of the way down the ramp to my parents, easily picking up my mother off the ground to give her a ferocious hug. I kissed her on both cheeks, then turned to embrace my father. There were tears in his eyes as he hugged me tightly. My mother started to fuss about how skinny I was and how short my hair was. But she stopped and I could see my parents looking behind me at Bella, who had arrived with the luggage cart. “Hello Esme, Carlisle,” she said. There was a moment of silent communication between the three of them. I knew that Bella had formed a deeper relationship with my parents while I was gone, but it was odd to see that with my own eyes for the first time. My mother stepped forward first, embracing Bella and kissing her on both cheeks. “Welcome home, mana meita,” (my daughter) she said. I had never heard Esme call her that before, and it made my heart do a little back flip in my chest. Dad shook Bella‟s hand first, and then pulled her into his embrace. After my father released Bella from his arms, he turned to inspect the crowded luggage cart beside us. “This is going to be a tight squeeze with you two in the back seat, and all this in the trunk, but I guess we‟ll manage,” he said. “Oh,” said Bella suddenly. “That‟s not necessary. I will take a cab home. It‟s not a problem.” I turned to her, studying her face to see if I had missed some signal. But there was nothing there except weariness and a deep sense of satisfaction. Of a job well done. “Do you not wish to be with me tonight, mana mīla?” I asked in a low voice. Bella blushed, looking away from my parents who were eyeing us with far too much interest. I gave them both a dark look, which had no effect. My mother‟s eyes were bright; she already appeared to be planning the wedding. “Of course I do,” she responded with a smile that tugged at me deep down inside. “But I have had you to myself for some days now. Your parents would probably like a little time alone with you.” Bella turned and handed me my

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pitiful bit of luggage off the cart. “You know that I would rather be with you than anywhere else in the world,” she said in a quiet voice that only I could hear. “As do I,” I replied. And as much as I did not want to be away from her for even one night, I knew she was right. If Bella were with me, all my attention would be focused on her. There was no point in damaging a promising relationship between my parents and the love of my life. “I will miss you in my bed tonight.” Bella bit her bottom lip, something she only did when she was nervous. Her eyes flickered back to my parents. I knew what she was concerned about and, for one last time, I took a decision out of her hands. I put my bags down, pulled her into my arms and kissed with all the love in my heart. There was a second‟s hesitation on her part, and then we were lost in one another. “I guess you two are dating now,” my father said after we broke apart. I didn‟t take my eyes from Bella‟s, just cupped her cheek in my hand. “Yes,” I said, picking up my things. “Very much so. I will call you tomorrow, mana mīla. Later on, so you can sleep as long as you would like.” “OK,” Bella said. “Good night,” she said to my parents. “We will catch up in a few days‟ time.” With that, my parents started walking toward the parking garage, and I reluctantly followed them. ~~ - ~~ BPOV I was tired and so ready for my bed. The cab dropped me off at my front doorstep in Brooklyn shortly before 2 a.m. I had no idea what time zone my body thought it was in, but I was exhausted and hungry. I gave the cabbie an extra $20 on top of the hefty fare to help me carry my stuff up to the second level of the duplex. I piled everything in the hallway and double locked the door behind me. I surveyed my place – it had survived another long absence. I‟d get my mail started back up again tomorrow. Pick up some groceries. For now, I found a package of stale crackers in the cupboard, crammed a few into my mouth and went down the little hallway to my bedroom. I opened my carry-on bag and pulled out my essentials – toothbrush, make up, hair brush. Wearily, I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Then I dug around in the bottom of the bag and found a t-shirt of Edward‟s that he had been wearing a couple of days ago. I stripped, pulled on the shirt and sat down on the edge of my bed. And, as I always did before I went to sleep at night, I grabbed my cell phone to put it in the charging dock. I hesitated, bouncing the phone in my hand. And remembered how many times I had sat here on the edge of my bed last year, listening to Edward‟s voicemail message just so I could hear his voice one more time. Never knowing if I‟d ever hear the real thing again. Edward is home. He’s safe. It’s OK now. His cell phone, he had told me, was somewhere in the forests of Arivistan, left behind after the Kartesian bombing attack had broken up their resistance cell. There were no more generators or vehicles left after the attack, no way to charge it. He‟d shoved it down into a snow bank, figuring the wet would kill it before anyone could find it. It hurt a little to think of his phone out there, buried in the snow. Maybe someone would find it one day, and wonder whose it was. I flipped my phone open and dialed Edward‟s number. It rang quickly and then went straight to a recorded message.

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“The number you have reached is not in service. Please check the number and try your call again. This is a recording.” I guess they had finally cut the service off. Thoughtfully, I closed my phone and settled it in the dock to charge overnight. I fell into bed, pulling Edward‟s shirt up close to my face so I could smell him on me. Soap, a bit of sweat, his deodorant, a faint hint of male muskiness. The smell of Edward, touching my skin. It didn‟t make up for the emptiness on the other side of the bed, but it would hold me until I could see him again. ~~ - ~~ February 26, 2009 I felt like a teenager waiting for her prom date to pick her up. The last two days had been … strange. On one hand, it was a relief to be home, to grab those “normal” moments whenever I could. Returning to my favorite haunts … the coffee shop around the corner. The kosher bakery two blocks east. The fruit store where the owners knew me by name. On the other hand, I was climbing the walls without Edward. You would think after so many years on opposite sides of the country that we would be used to being away from one another. Apparently that theory doesn‟t hold water once the genie is well and truly out of the bottle. Which is how I ended up folding clothes while I waited for Edward to pick me up. Doing laundry is the ultimate domestic activity – and a luxury when you‟re in the field. I always looked forward to clean clothes when I came home. And I found laundry soothing. Which was good because I was a twitching bundle of horny nerves at this moment. We were having dinner at Carlisle and Esme‟s house tonight. With characteristic lack of tact, Edward told me that his family dressed for dinner and I should not wear jeans. As if I would. I pawed through my closet, looking for something nice. I settled on a modest black pencil skirt, white blouse and a vintage blue embroidered cardigan. With black thigh highs. And come-fuck-me underwear. That should set Edward‟s Madonna/whore complex raging. I was pairing socks without much success when I heard the sound of feet coming up the stairs. Edward was early. It also sounded like he was taking the stairs two at a time. Seconds later, there was a rapping on the door. “It‟s open!” I shouted, trying to find a place to put down my handful of mate-less socks. Edward pushed the door open, slammed it shut behind him and locked it. Like me, he was dressed for dinner – grey dress pants and a dark blue sweater, a white button-down underneath. Everything fit a little loose on him after losing so much weight, but he was still gorgeous. I‟d only seen Edward in jeans and scrubs for the last few weeks, and my eyes nearly had a heart attack. “You should not leave the door open like that,” he said accusingly. “What if I were a thief?” He crossed my tiny living room and took me by the shoulders, pulling me to my feet and crushing me against him. “Or a very bad man with only one thing on his mind?” he growled, burying his face in my neck. “God, I hope so,” I gasped as he started licking and biting his way up to my ear. He ground his hips against me, and I could feel his erection already straining inside his pants. “How long have you been hard like this?” I whispered, reaching down to rub him through the fabric. He pushed roughly against my hand, hissing with pleasure. “Every minute we have been apart,” he answered, kicking the laundry basket aside and sending socks flying in every direction. “But the last 24 hours have been hell. I cannot wait to have you, mana mīla.”

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“Then don‟t wait,” I panted against his mouth, unbuckling his belt. “Have me now. I want you to fuck me … right now.” The next thing I knew, I was on my back in the middle of my living room rug, scattered socks all around me. Edward stood over top of me, pushing down his pants. I yanked up my skirt, tore off my tiny scrap of damp lace and wantonly spread my legs for him. In seconds, Edward was kneeling between my legs. “Fuck, Bella,” he breathed, running his hands up my thigh-high black tights. He rolled a condom on to his length as fast as his hands would allow. Then he ran two fingers through my folds and pushed them into me, finding me shockingly wet. Pulling me up onto his thighs, he withdrew his fingers and shoved his cock into me with an animalistic groan. I had to hold back a scream that was half pain, half outrageous pleasure. He felt bigger, harder, than I‟d ever felt him before. “Oh God,” he gasped, pulling out slowly and then plunging back in. I wrapped my legs around the small of his back, pushing myself further on to his dick. He went deep into me, wrapping his strong hands around my hips to control his thrusts. It was so good, so rough and so very much what we both needed. “Edward,” I moaned, arching my back with every stroke. “Oh Jesus, yes, right there!” I shouted as he angled the next thrust upward, hitting my g-spot. “So … uhn … fucking …uhn …good!” He did it again with every ferocious thrust, and I screamed, my orgasm pouring over me. He grabbed my hips hard and slammed himself into me, shouting my name as he climaxed inside me. I held out my arms and he collapsed over top of me, panting hard into my ear. We lay there for a moment or two, trying to catch our breath. Finally, he slipped out of me and rolled off. “I am … very sorry,” he panted. “Did I hurt you, my love? I did not mean to be quite so rough. I was most eager for you.” His eyes were wide with concern, and I reached out to stroke the worry lines out of his forehead. “I am fine,” I said in Arivistanian. “I was very eager for you too … and I liked it rough very much.” I leaned over to kiss him. “I will tell you if you are hurting me. I might be little, but I am tough.” He smiled and rolled his eyes. I kissed him again, more thoroughly this time. “Hello, Edward,” I said with a smile. “Come on in. How have you been these last few days?” He laughed, kissing me back. “I am fine, my love. It has been wonderful to spend time with my parents, but I missed you terribly.” He kissed me again, his tongue running lightly along my bottom lip, making me catch my breath. “So terribly that I had to take you on the living room rug or else die of wanting you. So terribly that I want to have you again before we leave for my parents‟ home for dinner.” “I want you, too,” I said, capturing his upper lip in my mouth and sucking lightly. “But I can‟t show up at your parents‟ house with sex hair. Or rug burn. Looking like I‟ve just been ravished multiple times by their son.” I sat up reluctantly. “Besides, I want to look at you across the supper table and know that you are hard in your pants.” “Tease,” he growled, running his fingers lightly over my sex, causing me to bite my lip with desire. “Then look all you want, knowing that I have exactly what you need in my pants … and will give it to you only when I am ready.” He gave me a swift smack on my bare backside, making me squeal. We clambered to our feet. Edward‟s pants were still down around his ankles – he hadn‟t even gotten them off before entering me. I eventually found my underwear under the edge of the couch. I slipped on my black kitten heels. The two of us were laughing like maniacs by the time we climbed into his car. ~~ - ~~ Dinner was – predictably – awkward, sweet and delicious all at the same time.

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Esme and Carlisle had trouble dragging their eyes off Edward. The only time they managed to do so was to stare at me with equal intensity. But their joy at having their son back home was impossible to deny; both of them looked years younger than when I‟d left last month. And while their scrutiny was scary, it was also clear that I had their approval. Edward was uncharacteristically and charmingly nervous. His eyes flickered over to mine at regular intervals, especially when Esme started making broad hints about the recent elaborate wedding of a family friend‟s daughter. I grinned at him covertly, just so he knew I was okay with it all. He relaxed – a little. I slipped off my shoe and stretched my foot across to his calf, rubbing it lightly. Edward‟s eyes widened and shot over to mine. As Esme started describing the wedding hall decorations, I let my foot crawl up his thigh and into his crotch. I ran my foot over the bulge in his pants, feeling him stiffening. He tolerated my playfulness for a moment or two, then grabbed my foot and gently removed it from my lap. His eyes looked a little wild. After dessert, we relaxed around the table with hot tea. “Dinner was lovely, Esme. Thank you so much,” I said. She smiled delightedly. “It is my pleasure, dear. It is truly a celebration to have Edward back home – especially now that you two are finally planning a future together.” After this startling remark, she turned to Edward. “Will you play for us tonight, darling?” she asked. “Yes, of course,” he said automatically, standing up from the table. “I would love to.” I helped Esme carry in the dessert dishes. “It is good to have you home too, dear,” she said, taking the dishes from my hands. “I have never seen Edward so happy now that you two are together.” “I‟m glad,” I said shyly. “I am very happy too.” I thought her smile couldn‟t get any wider, but apparently I was wrong. For a moment, I was worried her head might topple off on to the kitchen floor. “He is a wonderful boy, is he not?” she crowed. “Now go on … go sit with him. Carlisle will help me with the dishes.” I left the kitchen and found Edward in the hall leading into the den. “Hi,” I whispered as he pulled me into his arms. “Are you all right? You seem more nervous than me.” “I was nervous,” he said, dropping warm kisses on my ear. “But now I have other things on my mind.” He rocked gently against me, and I could feel his erection pressing into my abdomen. I reached down and gave him a friendly squeeze. He kissed me, and then pushed my hand off his dick. “You need to stop right now if I am to be presentable to my parents when they come out of the kitchen,” he growled. I laughed and leaned my head against his shoulder. “I love you so much,” I whispered. “More than words can say.” ~~ - ~~ Edward played for nearly an hour. I wasn‟t musically inclined, which made his abilities all the more amazing to me. I watched his face as the music flowed around us, his eyes narrowing in concentration through the difficult passages, a little smile creepng up unbidden to his mouth when he was particularly enjoying something. I curled up in my chair, watching him play and wishing this moment would never end. Afterward, the four of us talked for a long time, mostly about Arivistan, the war and politics. Edward sat on the floor at my feet, his hand cupping my calf. I scratched my fingers through his hair, and he purred with contentment. I was surprised to discover that his hair had grown nearly an inch … he was starting to look less like a soldier and more like the Edward I had known all my life.

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Esme got up to put our empty mugs in the kitchen, and I was startled to see it was after eleven. “Carlisle,” I said, “do you mind if we talk before you go to bed?” “Of course, Bella,” he said, rising. “Let‟s go to my study, shall we?” Edward was looking up at me with one eyebrow raised. “Come,” I said simply, holding out my hand to him. We followed Carlisle up the stairs to his office and sat down. I reached into my bag and handed him an envelope. “This is an accounting of how the money was spent.” Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me, opened the envelope and rifled through the printouts. “When are the two Kartesians arriving here?” he asked. “Early next week. I‟ve lined up a place for them to stay with a friend of mine. I‟ll get them connected with the services they need to get on their feet. I think they will do well here if they can stay out of trouble.” Edward made a small noise in his throat but said nothing further. “Thank you for all you‟ve done to ensure their safety, Carlisle.” “I‟m glad I could help, Bella. And here … I have something for you as well.” He reached into his desk. Another shopping bag of cash? Apparently not. He handed me a bulky envelope. “In case you wondered how I was so sure.” I frowned in confusion, then opened the envelope. Out tumbled dozens of folded pages. I picked one up and studied it. “That‟s my cell phone bill,” said Edward. “The detailed version. Were you hoping to find more information about my whereabouts through that, Dad? Because I abandoned my phone after the Kartesians found us. I will have to get a new one.” I flipped through page after page of records. Outside of occasional wrong numbers, there were two numbers that called consistently to Edward‟s phone. Every single agonizing day that he was missing. One of them was my number. The other one looked vaguely familiar but I didn‟t know it off the top of my head. Edward looked over my shoulder. “You called my cell phone every day?” he asked in wonder. “Both of you?” I looked at Carlisle, then shuffled through my bag to find my cell phone. Sure enough, the other number was Carlisle‟s cell. “I just needed to hear your voice,” I said, feeling my eyes well up. “Some days, I couldn‟t find hope any other way.” I stopped, not wanting to cry in front of either of them, but failing miserably. Carlisle rose from his chair and came around to put his arms around both of us. “That‟s how Minka and I knew you had the best chance of bringing him back to us,” he said. “And how we knew that the two of you truly belong together.” He kissed the top of my head, and then Edward‟s. “That‟s enough business for one night. Off you go now, both of you.” ~~ - ~~ Edward was waiting for me in his bed when I emerged from the bathroom. It felt decidedly weird to be climbing into bed with him, with his parents just down the hallway. This was definitely not something my parents would allow. But as soon as he pulled me into his arms under the crisp sheets, all the doubts and insecurities melted away. Carlisle was right – we belonged together. “No more crying,” he whispered, kissing my eyes. “I am here. We are together.” His lips moved down to my nose and cheeks, then to my mouth. The kisses were slow and sweet, making me forget that his parents were near, making me forget there was anyone else in the world other than the two of us.

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“I had a very nice night with your family,” I said finally, resting my head on his chest. “Although I think your mother might be rushing things a little.” He laughed, tangling his fingers through my hair. “You think?” he said. “I am surprised she did not have bridal magazines laid out in the living room after dinner.” I giggled at that, running my hand down across his stomach, just touching his skin, loving the fact that he was here, with me, safe. Edward nudged my hand, pushing it down. “A little lower would be very nice, mana mīla,” he said throatily. “Especially after all that teasing under the dinner table.” I ran my hand down over his boxers and found him already hard. Just the feel of him through the thin fabric made me want him, but I was still a little freaked out by where we were. “Don‟t you find it … you know … weird to do this? I mean, with your parents right there?” I asked, feeling like a complete idiot. I expected him to burst into laughter, but instead, he turned his head on the pillow and smiled crookedly. “Yes, a little,” he admitted. He bit his lip as I continued to rub him through his shorts. “It is the first time I have ever brought a girl home to my parents, so I have found the whole thing to be rather stressful.” I dropped my hand and stared at him in shock. “Oh, please do not stop,” he said, moving my hand back to his straining penis. “It felt so good, yes, just like that, yes.” He sighed in contentment. “Never brought a girl home to your parents?” I repeated, still stunned. “Never? But … but you took Tanya to Arivistan for Christmas!” “You must mention her name while you are touching me so beautifully?” he asked, opening one eye to look at me. He saw the look of shock on my face and sat up abruptly. “What? What have I said?” “I‟m just very surprised, that‟s all,” I said. “You have a European home; I thought you would have had all your girlfriends sleeping over.” He chuckled and put his arms around me. “You are silly,” he said, but there was no malice in his voice. “No, I told my parents a long time ago that I prefer to keep my private life … private.” He smiled against my skin. “And I also told them that the day I brought a woman home for dinner to meet them and sleep in my bed under their roof … that would be the day they would know I had met the right woman.” I looked at him for a long moment after that, trying not to start crying again. I leaned over and kissed him. “I love you,” I said, my voice shaky. “I love you too,” he replied, his eyes soft in the darkness. Then he smiled his wicked little crooked smile. “And now … maybe you could return your hand to where it was before?”

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Ch 23 – Coming Out

March 18, 2009 EPOV “Hold still, you‟ve got an eyelash on your cheek,” Bella said, reaching for my face. I glared at her, resisting the urge to smack her hand away. “Do not touch me. Leave me alone,” I snapped. Bella scowled back, but did not attempt to touch me again. I swiped furiously at my cheek, trying to get rid of the offending eyelash. I caught a glimpse of the hair and make-up assistants rolling their eyes at one another, and I glared at them stonily. They both immediately found more interesting things to do in other rooms. “For two people who are supposed to be madly in love with one another, you sure look like you‟d like to tear each other‟s throats out,” observed Joanna, who was leading public relations for us. We had spent the last two weeks together, and I had had enough of her. Although admittedly, she was very competent at what she did. All I wanted was to be left alone. With Bella. And instead we were about to walk out into a television studio to do an interview. The one and only interview we would do together. And I was the one who had insisted on it. I was so fucking nervous. Bella reached down and brushed my fingers, which were sweaty and clenched around the arm of my chair. I looked at her and tried to smile. “It is all right,” she said in Arivistanian. “It is only this once. And then we can go back to your parents‟ house and make love on your father‟s desk.” My eyes flew up to hers in shock and saw the amusement dancing there. “Or perhaps we could just stick to your bed.” I unclenched one of my hands and brought her fingertips briefly to my mouth. She always knew how to make me feel better. Even now. “Ms Swan? Mr. Cullen?” We looked up at the man who had just walked into the room. “Why don‟t you come into the studio now and meet Diane?” I was not ready to let go of her, so we ended up walked into the ABC Primetime studios hand in hand to meet Diane Sawyer. ~~ - ~~ February 27, 2009 BPOV I awoke the morning after having dinner with Edward‟s parents and knew it was later than usual. The other side of the bed was empty. The clock said it was nearly 10 a.m. I got up, used the bathroom and showered. I went downstairs dressed in jeans and the button-down Edward had had on last night. I had been tempted to leave the jeans behind, but I had no idea if his parents were in the house. I found Edward in the kitchen taking things out of a paper bag. Fresh-squeezed orange juice, fruit, croissants …

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“Did you work up an appetite last night?” I asked. He looked over his shoulder and grinned at me, saying everything that needed to be said with his eyes. I sat down at the table as he poured me a cup of hot black coffee. “Be careful, it is strong,” he warned me. He put everything on the table, and we dug in. “What day is it?” I asked suddenly, smearing raspberry jam on my croissant. “Friday,” Edward replied. “Do you have things you need to do? I was hoping perhaps we could spend the day together.” I wondered if this is what last summer would have been like had he not gone to Arivistan and we could have been just two people falling in love. “Yes, I would like to spend today with you,” I said, smiling. “But I think I must also put in an appearance at my office. Would you like to come?” ~~ - ~~ I used my badge to open the door and entered Refugee Crisis International. Our office manager, Cheryl, saw us and jumped up with a big smile. “Bella‟s here!” she shouted, and people started turning around and heading over. But the usual ribald greetings and jokes died as people realized I was not alone. Most people in the office had no idea that I had gone to Arivistan with a personal mission as well as a professional one. No one outside the strike team and my board of directors knew about Vanguard or recognized the tall, handsome man behind me as being the American we had rescued from the depths of the Valka refugee camp. All they knew was that I had showed up, weeks ahead of schedule, in the office. With a hunk of epic proportions. “Hi Cheryl,” I said, giving her a hug. “Sorry I didn‟t call ahead, but I left on fairly short notice.” I stepped back and saw that Cheryl‟s eyes were fixed over my shoulder at Edward. I expected to see a line of drool start slipping down her chin at any moment. I sighed, half irritated, half amused. “This is Edward Cullen,” I said. “He was imprisoned in the Valka camp. Which is not a great place to be for anyone, but especially not for an American citizen.” A murmur ran through the office – the staff understood what it meant to be an American on the wrong side of an international crisis. “I accompanied him back to New York.” “How‟s the mission? We get daily updates, but … you know how it is,” one of the program managers asked. “Fantastic,” I said with enthusiasm. “The coalition model is working like you would not believe.” I went on to describe what we had accomplished, what it was like working as a team with people I once considered to be my competitors. “Alice and Jasper are fine, and send their best to everyone here. Unless the UN orders them out earlier, they plan to return to America in about eight weeks‟ time.” Everyone started asking questions at once. But they were interrupted by Cassandra Hawks, our lean, blonde public relations director. “That‟s enough for now,” she said in her authoritative tone. “Bella and I have a meeting. Mr. Cullen, you too.” She gestured toward the Situation Room and waved us in. The door clicked shut behind us. Edward and I sat down, and Cassandra stood there, looking at us. “Vanguard, I presume?” she said. “Jasper briefed me after you two left Latvia. Joanna Rigby from UNICEF is acting as the PR lead for the coalition. You‟ll be spending Monday with her to approve press materials and get trained.” She continued to stare at us, chewing absently on one of her long, red fingernails.

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“Jasper told me you two had a pre-existing friendship. The team working on the media tour needed to know because the news agencies will almost certainly dig once we produce an American POW out of our back pockets. We will be reactively transparent about your previous relationship so that the public doesn‟t think this whole thing was a personal rescue mission on your part, Bella.” “We figured as much,” I said. “And we‟re fine with that.” Cassie‟s eyes narrowed, settling on Edward who was looking back with characteristic stoniness. “I didn‟t expect our boy to be a bloody Calvin Klein model,” she said. Edward rolled his eyes. “And – forgive me, Bella, this is awkward for me too – Jasper failed to mention that the two of you are romantically involved.” “Jesus, Cassie,” I said uneasily. I swore some days she was a bloody psychic. “How do you draw that conclusion?” “You‟d have to be in the grave for a month not to notice your body language. Especially the way he looks at you,” she said, jerking her chin at Edward, who looked as mortified as I felt. “He practically tripped over himself to open the door for you. And Bella, you‟re glowing like a Christmas tree. I can‟t decide whether to be happy for you or throw up.” “Thanks a lot,” I said. “OK, so we‟re romantically involved,” I admitted, wishing the floor would swallow us up. “I understand that PR needs to know, and we need a strategy to manage it. But please – let‟s make that the end of it if we can. We would both be incredibly grateful if our personal relationship stays out of the story as much as possible.” Cassie nodded, but I could see in her eyes that she didn‟t think we had a prayer of escaping unscathed. “The media is going to have a field day with you two,” she said. “The media,” snapped Edward stiffly, “will be having no field days at my expense or Bella‟s. It will be your job and the job of your colleagues to manage it appropriately. I will not have her name or mine dragged through the mud.” “Don‟t worry, we‟ll manage the media,” Cassie replied. “Or at least, we can manage the story as best we can. But if I have my way, you two will never – never – interview together in person. Not unless things get really out of hand.” ~~ - ~~ Edward was practically vibrating with tension all the way back to Midtown. There was no point in talking to him when he was in this state, so I let him be. As we sat unmoving in Friday afternoon Manhattan traffic, his hand left the steering wheel and found its way over to mine. I squeezed it tight, turning my head to look at him. He did the same. We didn‟t say anything, just looked at each other. Our world was about to go crazy again. But for now, we had each other. ~~ - ~~ EPOV For the sake of my country, I was willing to share my experiences in the refugee camp. But I had not considered what might happen if my relationship with Bella became part of the story. I did not like that idea at all. Fuck.

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I knew my tense mood had darkened our evening. My parents were at a social engagement, so Bella and I had a quiet dinner together and watched a movie. She did not push to talk – she knew me too well for that. And so I brooded. Eventually, Bella pulled me up so my back was up against her, and she started rubbing her fingers through my hair. She knew that I loved that. I leaned back into her, listening to her scratch soothingly against my scalp. I was finally starting to relax when my parents‟ phone in the kitchen suddenly rang loudly, and I jumped, my head connecting with Bella‟s jaw. “Jesus!” shouted Bella. I whirled around to see her rubbing her chin. I pulled her hands away and searched for bleeding or damage. “You‟re so edgy tonight, Edward,” Bella said, wincing as I felt her jaw line. “I know. I am sorry, mana mīla. This afternoon was …” She took my wrists in her hands and dropped a kiss on each of them, and another on my mouth. “For me too. Come,” she said, standing up. She switched off the television and took our glasses into the kitchen. “Let‟s go upstairs. I know what you need.” In my room, Bella told me to get undressed and lay face down on the bed. Then she vanished into the bathroom. I did as she asked. Several minutes later, she came out, switched off the lights and climbed on top of me, straddling my hips. I heard her rub her hands together, and then they came down on my back and started rubbing. Her hands had some kind of warm lotion on them, and they felt wonderful. “Seems like the least I could do for the man who let me sleep in this morning,” she said, leaning forward to kiss me between my shoulders. “Went out early to fetch me breakfast.” Another kiss. “Made me coffee.” Another kiss. “And endured much scrutiny and ogling from my coworkers.” Another kiss. And for every word she said aloud, I could hear all the other things she was saying with her actions. That she understood my moods. That she cared – deeply – about many of the same things I did. That she too was distressed that our intensely private love affair could easily become a plaything for the media in a matter of days. That she loved me. Her strong fingers dug into my muscles. She spent several long minutes soothing away the tension in my shoulders, then made her way down my back. Every part of me slowly relaxed … except for my cock, which was insistently stirring beneath me. I attempted to ignore it. My love was trying to ease my tension, not arouse me. I was exasperated that my body was so responsive to her slightest touch. Bella‟s hands reached the base of my spine, her fingers applying just the right amount of pressure. She drifted lower, suddenly hitting a spot right above my ass that felt so good that could not help but moan into the pillow. “Feel good?” she whispered, giving that spot more attention. Then she shifted over and found the same spot on the other side of my body and did the same. I was uncertain how much more of this I could endure. I was now ragingly aroused, and had to consciously stop myself from rubbing myself against the sheets beneath me. Bella moved her attention to my ass. The warm, soothing strokes melted away more tension, and I sighed with delight. She tended to my upper thighs, and gently stroked the flesh behind my knees, sending me into another frenzy of desire. Bella rubbed my calves, but skipped my injured feet. Which was just as well as they were too ticklish to bear her touch anyway. I flipped over on to my back – a little embarrassed by my very prominent erection – and propped myself up on my elbows. Bella was kneeling at the foot of the bed, wearing one of my t-shirts, smiling at me.

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“Come to me,” I whispered, holding my arms out. She climbed up the bed and I pulled her against my chest. “That felt wonderful,” I said, kissing her forehead. “I wish to thank you for doing this for me. How may I do so?” “I can think of one thing I want very much,” she said with a smile. She slipped out of my arms and straddled my hips again. The pressure against my aching cock felt good, and I growled in appreciation as she ground down on me. I pulled off her shirt and took her face in my hands, kissing her sweet, full mouth. I felt drunk with relaxation and desire. I slowly explored her mouth and slid my hands down her shoulders to cup her breasts. They felt warm and full against my palms, her nipples already hard. I caught the nubs between my fingers and rolled them gently, causing her to moan into my mouth. And as it always was with us, the rest of the world fell away, and it was just Bella in my arms, under my hands, all around me. I pulled her closer to me, and took one of her enticingly firm nipples into my mouth, sucking hard, nipping gently at her sensitive flesh. I could feel the wetness between her legs soaking through her underwear on to my skin. I switched to the other nipple, running my tongue around the hard tip. I could hear Bella moaning and gasping, and my cock twitched eagerly against my stomach in response. “Mmm,” Bella moaned, her hands coming up, trying to push me back a little bit. “Edward. I want you inside me. Please.” A few moments later, she was sheathing me in her wet, warm sex. There was nothing hurried about our coupling … just the sweet consummation of a love that had slowly matured over nine years. The rush of feeling that ran through me was overwhelming. I gazed up at her with my heart in my eyes, and concentrated on pleasing her. After a long while, I pulled her down a little so I could take her breast back into my mouth. With her swollen clit pressed against my abdomen and my tongue teasing her nipple, Bella climaxed rapidly, crying out my name. I lasted a little while longer, savoring every sensation. Bella looked down on me, watching my face contort as I tried to hold in my orgasm just a little bit longer. She smiled, and suddenly squeezed her inner muscles along my throbbing length. “Bella,” I gasped, trying to hold it back. “Oh my God … uhnnnn!” With a helpless cry, I came inside her. After a moment, Bella slid off me, and climbed under the covers. She pressed several warm kisses against my lips, and I mumbled a string of incoherent thanks and love. Then I pulled her into my arms and fell asleep directly, more relaxed than I could remember feeling for years. ~~ - ~~ February 28, 2009 BPOV The next morning, the two of us sat at the kitchen table over coffee, a pad of paper sitting in front of Edward. Esme was out shopping at the market, and Carlisle was upstairs in his office. Media work began on Monday. Press release would go out on Wednesday. After that, our private life would no longer be private. This weekend was our opportunity to come out to our families and closest friends. “Where do we start?” Edward asked. “Well … let‟s make a list of everyone we need to talk to before this hits the media,” I said. “I still haven‟t told my parents. They know I‟m home from Arivistan with an escaped American refugee – they just don‟t know I‟m in love with him,” I said with a wry smile.

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“We should speak with Emmett, in person. Perhaps we could drive up tomorrow,” suggested Edward. I nodded – I wanted to see the baby anyway. “The class,” I said. “They will not talk to the media,” he said immediately. “I know they won‟t,” I said. The loyalty of the class was unquestionable. “But they have a right to know in advance. In case the media decides to contact someone. Maybe we could send a joint email to everyone. Jesus, this is worse than announcing our engagement.” Edward gave me a smoldering gaze above his coffee cup, making me blush heatedly. “We should also let GYL know about this,” he said. “I know the staff would never speak to the media about former students, but they also may be contacted.” “Good thinking. Oh, Sergei and Sevastian,” I said, pointing at the paper. “They arrive on Tuesday night from Riga. My language teacher, Alex, will be housing them temporarily. I‟ll explain to them the importance of keeping a low profile and not talking to the media.” I paused. “Do you have any … family … you might want to tell?” “Just my parents,” he said, making notes on the paper. “I would be surprised if my mother has not already sent emails to my entire extended family in Europe, asking how many could make a wedding next summer.” I choked on my coffee. “Most of my family is in Arivistan anyway, and not in a position to be reading American newspapers and magazines,” he said softly. “I know,” I said, touching his hand with my fingertips. “What little extended family I have will go to my mom and dad first for more information, so no need to get in touch with anyone there. I‟ll send an email to Jacob tonight. All my other real friends are either class or already in the field.” There was a small silence between us. “We‟re not exactly social butterflies, are we?” Edward smiled. “Perhaps not,” he said. “But the friends we do have are true friends who would not betray us in an instance like this.” ~~ - ~~ We started with a brief conversation with Esme and Carlisle about what was likely to take place over the next week or so. Carlisle looked resigned to the whole thing, as if he anticipated this might happen. Esme, who knew what it was like to be the subject of gossip and media speculation, was only concerned for us. We drove back to Brooklyn to talk to my parents via webcam. It had taken me a long time to get them set up on Skype, but now even my Dad was able to handle a video call – although I can‟t say he ever seemed to enjoy them much. “Mom, Dad … I‟d like you to meet Edward Cullen,” I said after telling them about my return to the US. Edward moved into the frame – there was a long silence as they looked at him. “Cullen … your name sounds familiar,” said my mother at last. “Were you in Bella‟s GYL class, Edward?” “Yes, Mrs. Swan,” he said, looking uneasy. “I apologize that we could not meet in person, but time does not allow for it.” My father, who had said little during this exchange, suddenly looked at Edward with a sharp expression on his face. “You courting my daughter, young man?” he asked. Courting? What is this, the 1920s?

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“Yes, sir, that is my intent,” Edward said gravely. Suddenly he was in his element; his dashing, formal style was strangely well-suited for asking a man‟s permission to date his daughter. His 26-year-old daughter who does not require her father’s permission to date anyone! But this was clearly not a good time to argue. “Isabella means the world to me. My intentions toward her are entirely honorable, sir.” My father mumbled something about the definition of honorable these days, but seemed to consider Edward‟s declaration acceptable. I felt a bit dazed as I explained to my parents what they might see in the media in the days ahead, and they promised not to talk to reporters and keep the rest of the family in line. We hung up and I turned to Edward in shock. “You handled that … better than anyone ever should have.” He laughed and kissed my forehead. “It seemed too early to ask for your hand in marriage. Besides, I would like to do that in person,” he said casually. I nearly had a stroke until I saw the teasing glint in his eye. I tried to punch him in the shoulder, but he easily blocked me and kissed me instead. ~~ - ~~ March 1, 2009 On Sunday, just before lunch, Edward‟s Volvo rolled up the big driveway of the McCarty estate. We got out of the car, loaded down with presents for little Edward. “I believe we may have overdone it,” said Edward, looking at our armloads of bags and boxes. “Possibly,” I conceded. We walked to the front door together and rang the doorbell. We could hear Emmett thumping down the stairs, then he pulled the door open. He looked at Edward for a moment, and then burst into tears. I looked at Edward in alarm, but he wasn‟t looking at me. His mouth was hanging open as he stared at Emmett. Then he dropped all the baby gifts on the porch and threw his arms around Emmett. This was no sidling man hug designed to avoid all chance of colliding wood. This was a full-on, body-crushing embrace. I stood there as they hugged the crap of each other, pounding one another on the back and mumbling a lot of “shit”, “dude” and “fuck”. I surreptitiously picked up all the gifts and waited for them to finish. Eventually they backed off, both of them cursing and punching each other. Truly one of the strangest things I‟d ever witnessed. “Bella. Shit, come in. Fuck,” said Emmett, sniffling and hugging me tight to his chest. I shuffled inside and put the mountain of presents down by the door. Edward and Emmett were still whacking at one another, so I peeked around the corner into the den to see Rosalie sitting in a rocker, holding her son on her lap while she patted him on the back. “Hi Bella,” she said with a beatific smile. “Come in, please. He‟s just finished his lunch.” I slipped into the room and sat down on the couch beside Rose, looking nervously at the baby. “This is little Edward. Let me just finish burping him so he doesn‟t spit up on you.” She laughed as my eyes widened in alarm at the mention of baby vomit. A few moments later, Rose managed to coax a burp out of the baby. “There we go,” she crooned, wrapping him up in a blanket. “Now you can sit with Auntie Bella.” She held her son out to me, waiting for me to take him. I stared back at her in terror. “I‟m … not good with babies,” I mumbled. “I‟m always afraid that I‟ll break them. Like maybe an arm or a leg will come off while I‟m holding them.” A set of big hands suddenly swooped down from behind me and whisked the baby away from me.

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I stared open-mouthed as Edward wandered away across the room with little Edward in his arms, crooning away in Arivistanian. When he reached the other side and turned around again, he stopped dead, suddenly noticing the two of us staring at him. “What?” he said defensively. “I have a large family in Arivistan. We are close. I have been caring for my youngest cousins since I was only eight or nine. It is customary in our culture for the older ones to care for the younger ones.” “Sorry,” I muttered. “I just didn‟t expect you to be so much better at it than I am. I‟m a girl for God‟s sake.” Edward smiled and sat down beside me with his namesake snuggled comfortably in his arms. “You will be fine. You just have not had any practice,” he said, arranging my arms. “Like this, yes, that is lovely.” Edward gently placed the baby in my arms, showing me how to support the head. “See? You are magnificent.” He leaned forward so only I could hear his voice. “You will be the most beautiful mother in the world when you hold our child in your arms.” I looked up at him in shock, and he smiled, kissing my lips lingeringly. “DUDE!” Emmett suddenly shouted, our heads flying up in shock. He was standing in the doorway of the den, his eyes bouncing back and forth between Edward and me. “What the fuck was that? You just kissed her!” “Language in front of the baby!” scolded Rosalie. “Fuck language, he‟s not even six weeks old!” Emmett was suddenly in Edward‟s face. “Don‟t tell me … don‟t even tell me you two are together. Not again. Not after what happened last time.” “Jesus, Emmett, get a grip,” I sighed. “That was nearly 10 years ago. News flash, big guy. I‟m not 17. I‟m not a virgin and haven‟t been for a while. And he,” I pointed at Edward, trying not to disturb the baby as I did so, “is the only man I will ever love. So get over it.” Emmett sat down, his face confused. Rosalie laughed. “You‟ve been told,” she said. “Besides, any man who is THAT comfortable with babies must be a good catch.” ~~ - ~~ March 5, 2009 EPOV We stood at the corner newsstand, looking at the piles of New York Times. People walked by on their way to the train, grabbing copies and throwing their money to the vendor. It was just like any other work day in New York City. Except that my face was on the front page of the paper. I edged up to the vendor, flung my money at him, grabbed a copy and ran back to Bella who was waiting on the sidewalk. I felt like a criminal. “The article is on the front page. The front page!” I hissed. I grabbed her arm and started walking back the way we came. “But Edward, the subway is that way,” Bella protested. “I am not getting on that train. All those people have the newspaper! They will look at me! We will drive instead.”

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“It‟ll cost you a fortune to park! I don‟t even know if you can park in the city during the day.” I did not reply; I just kept walking so fast back to my parents‟ house that Bella practically had to run to keep up. While she waited in the car, I ran back into the house to get a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap. Bella rolled her eyes but said nothing. We drove through appalling city traffic to UNICEF headquarters to meet Joanna Rigby. Bella started reading the article out loud to me, but stopped when she saw the look on my face. As it was, I could still see the headline in the paper on her lap. American Discovered in Squalor of Kartesian Refugee Camp Pressure mounts on UN to intervene upon reports of atrocities “It‟s a fair, accurate article, Edward. Their world affairs reporter has a very balanced approach; that‟s why we gave him the first interview.” She was gazing at me with concern. “You don‟t have to do any more of this if you don‟t want to.” I did not want to. But I had to. The UN force had to move faster – every day longer it took, more people would die in that camp. More people would die in the country I had once called home. “I will be all right,” I said, forcing my voice to sound more natural. “I just find this very overwhelming.” “I know.” ~~ - ~~ We were greeted by a round of applause as we entered the room that had been set aside for our use. “A great start today with the Times article. Front page, with a picture – you wowed them, Edward,” said Joanna, handing me a coffee. “Are you up for some more interviews today?” “Yes,” I said shortly. “Good. Because we have a lot of requests.” Joanna‟s eyes flickered up to Bella‟s and then back to mine. “A lot.” ~~ - ~~ March 12, 2009 Within a week, my new life was unrecognizable. I spent more time with Joanna than I did with Bella, and my face had appeared on the cover of every major publication in America. The Kartesian/Arivistanian war vaulted back into the headlines, and the UN moved up its timeline for entry into Arivistan. They also sent a team of refugee experts to join the coalition in Valka. I received 157 proposals of marriage from total strangers within a 48-hour time span. Bella found these endlessly amusing. I did not. We waited. It would not last. We walked into the office on Thursday, and found the PR team clustered around a newspaper on the table. Everyone looked up at me when they heard us come in. “What is that?” I asked sharply.

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“Edward, Bella, let‟s sit down now. Everything is going to be fine, we expected this…” I pulled away from Joanna, strode over to the paper and snatched it out from underneath the noses of the simpering PR girls. I flipped it over. “Oh God,” I said. The New York Post. Page Six. Refugee Hottie Sets Up Camp with Rescuer? “It was bound to come out sooner or later, Edward,” Joanna said gently. “And I don‟t think Page Six is an authority in the lives of anyone who matters to you.” “I know,” I said in a monotone. “But still …” It was a short article, with pictures of both Bella and me. No inside sources were named; they simply cited research revealing that Bella and I had attended GYL together, and that we had recently been spotted around the city together. My hands trembled with rage. Bella tried to remove the newspaper from my hand without success. “Love, do not worry,” she said in Arivistanian to grant us some privacy. “You know that we did nothing wrong. I told my board of directors long before we left for Arivistan that I was searching for you. We have accounted for every penny spent by the coalition on this mission.” “They have implied wrong-doing on your part,” I said through clenched teeth. “And made it sound like we are having a cheap fling. Please do not tell me that I should be comfortable with this.” I stabbed at the paper with my finger, pointing to the last line of ugly speculation: Did Bella Swan’s bosses know she was going to Arivistan for a booty call with an old flame? Bella read it and gasped, her face paling. She took a deep breath, swallowed, and pushed the newspaper away into Joanna‟s hands. “No, I do not expect you to comfortable with that,” Bella said finally. “Any more than I am. But we cannot allow it to rule us. Come,” she said. “Let‟s get to work.” ~~ - ~~ March 14, 2009 The media storm continued. But now we were both in the eye of the hurricane. And Bella had a great deal more to lose than I did. No publication was as blatant about it as Page Six, but there was sly innuendo in many places. At its kindest, our story was portrayed as a daring rescue on Bella‟s part. At its worst, there were seamy implications that Bella had abused her position of responsibility to track down her run-away lover. The coalition responded as initially planned. A signed letter from the Board of Directors indicating their full support for Bella and Refugee Crisis International‟s efforts to locate and repatriate the missing American Edward Nariovski Cullen. A statement from the coalition executive team regarding Bella‟s integrity in this same matter. And a financial account of the mission. Page Six ran a particularly damning series of photographs on their website, a slideshow of me with just about every beautiful woman I‟d ever been photographed with. Bella knew who all the women were of course – most of them were

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family friends or women I‟d dated casually over the years. But even I felt a little ill at the one of me with Arivistanian model Anna Lauton, taken last year at a cultural gala. We had both been a little intoxicated when that photo was taken, and we appeared … friendlier … than we might normally have. Beside this, they ran a second slideshow – pictures of Bella working in the field. None of the pictures was a glamour shot, not surprising considering she was knee deep in filth in most of them. The headline above the two sets of pictures: The Hottie and the Nottie. I felt sick to my stomach upon viewing it. I was at the UNICEF offices with Joanna; Bella had already gone back to my parents‟ place for the evening. I looked up at Joanna, bile rising in my throat. “I cannot live with this, Joanna. Is there no way to rein this in?” She sat back in her chair and chewed on the end of her pen. “I know Cassie feels that the two of you should not interview together, but I‟m wondering if we should adjust our strategy. Tackle the issue head-on. We‟ve had dozens of requests for the two of you together on all the best shows. Perhaps it is time to consider one.” “I am willing to consider anything at this point,” I said. “This is killing Bella. She looks terrible. Not eating. Up half the night pacing the bedroom. I try to shield her from the worst of the online filth, but it is getting more difficult.” I looked at her, desperation in my eyes. “We need someone who will tell the real story of how Bella rescued me – and everyone else in that camp as well.” Joanne looked back at me, a sudden gleam in her eye. “I have an idea.” ~~ - ~~ I came home from the office, sprinting from the car to the front door to avoid any photographers who might be lingering around my parents‟ house. My mother and father were sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea and looking beleaguered. “Where is Bella?” I asked. They both looked at me with concern. “What is it? Tell me.” “She is upstairs, my son,” said my mother, her eyes dark with worry. “She would not take food or drink. She would not speak to us. She went upstairs to your room and closed the door against me.” Esme took a prepared tray from the counter and pressed it into my hands. “Maybe she will eat for you. Please Edward. I am worried for her. She is so frail.” “Thank you, Mother,” I said, moved by her kindness. I kissed her on the cheek and went upstairs. I knocked at the bedroom door, but there was not answer. I cautiously pushed the door open and entered, placing the tray on the bedside table. Bella lay on the bed, her back to the door. Her laptop was open on the bed. Page Six was up on the screen. Bella didn‟t move. I walked around to the other side of the bed; she was awake, her eyes swollen and red with tears. I closed the computer with a snap. “Mana mīla,” I whispered, taking her hand in mine and kissing her cold fingertips. “You know that I love you. You know that those women meant nothing to me. You know that you own me, every last bit of me, forever. Why then do you allow this to hurt you so?” She didn‟t say anything at first.

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“Because,” she said, her voice broken and raw from crying, “it is all true. You are so handsome, so sophisticated. You date supermodels. And I work up to my knees in shit for days at a time in the world‟s poorest countries. I am not ashamed of what I do, Edward. But I will never be one of those beautiful women in those photographs.” Tears leaked down her cheeks, and my heart felt like it might break in two to see her pain. “My beloved,” I said, gathering her into my arms. “I do not want one of those women. I only want you.” I kissed the tears from her eyes and cheeks, then pressed her to me. “I will never want anyone except you. Forever. You are my life. You, and only you.” I felt Bella began to sob quietly into my shoulder, and I rocked her back and forth in my arms. “I am here. You are safe. I will not leave you,” I whispered in Arivistanian, remembering the far-away echo of her voice in my mind during my dark time of delirium in the camp. After a long while, she pulled back. Bella looked like hell. “Come,” I said, propping her up against the pillows. “My mother made you a tray. Please, you will eat. Or else she may come up here and feed you herself, whether you wish to eat or not.” Bella smiled wanly, clearly thinking I was joking. She really had no idea of what my mother was capable of. She spooned up my mother‟s soup as I watched her anxiously. Bella had gotten far too skinny in recent days – the circles under her eyes seemed permanently etched. “Joanna made a suggestion this evening … about how we might want to deal with some of this unsavory coverage.” “Oh?” she said. “What does she have in mind? We should move to a desert island?” I smiled and waggled my eyebrows suggestively. “This appeals to me. I would have you naked the entire day,” I said, running my finger down her shirt to circle her breast. “And make love to you in the ocean and on the beach.” She playfully slapped my hand away, but not before desire flared in her eyes. “Seriously, now.” “Joanna would like us to consider doing an exclusive. Together. On a major current affairs television program.” Bella looked shocked. “Which one? Have there been offers?” “Several. But Joanna thinks Primetime would be best. That we would be treated with greater respect and be given an opportunity to tell our story the way it should be told.” Bella‟s eyes widened. “An exclusive? On Primetime?” She thought that over for a moment. “But Edward, that would mean we would talk about … everything. Including us. They would ask a lot of questions. Your privacy …” “Our privacy,” I corrected her, “will take a back seat. But this cannot go on. I cannot stand to see you hurt this way.” I took her hand. “Please tell me you will consider this.” “You would do this for me?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears again. “I would do this for us.”

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Ch 24 – The Interview

March 26, 2009 BPOV The show was on tonight. Edward had no PR gigs scheduled for the rest of the week, which was a good call since his usual reaction to nervousness was bad temper. He had been so surly at the breakfast table that Carlisle had given him a few choice sentences in Arivistanian about courtesy. I had never heard Carlisle speak the language before; his mastery of it put mine to shame. Edward apologized, and subsided into a tense silence. “Put Good Morning America on,” I ordered, starting my second cup of coffee. His refuge might be temper, but mine was control. “They usually run an excerpt from tonight‟s show.” “I do not want to watch it,” Edward growled. “Tough shit,” I responded snippily, turning the television on. He made a choked sound in his throat and glared at me. I glared back. For a minute, I thought he might snatch the remote out of my hands. Carlisle attempted to stifle a chuckle, and we both turned to look angrily at him. “Sorry,” he said, not sounding the least bit apologetic. “You‟re like two peas in a pod, you know." We both retreated into sulky silence this time. After a few moments, Edward‟s foot nudged mine under the table, but I ignored him. Eventually his hand came down and took mine. I gave it a quick squeeze of apology and acceptance. We were both on edge this morning. The segment on Good Morning America was focused on the war and the sprawling humanitarian emergency that had emerged in the developed world as a result. There were a couple of clips of Edward and me (which made us want to crawl into a hole and die), but they were clearly saving the vast majority of their “exclusive interview” for tonight‟s episode of Primetime. I put my coffee cup in the dishwasher. “I‟m going into the office,” I said to Edward, “before we end up killing each other.” He smiled ruefully at me, and I had a sudden and profound wish that Carlisle was not in the room with us at this moment. Edward‟s smile broadened, and I blushed. He could read me like a book, and it both delighted and annoyed me at the same time. I stalked out of the kitchen, trying to preserve my wounded dignity after my boyfriend had caught me thinking lustful thoughts about him at the breakfast table … in front of his father. I brushed my teeth and put on my make up. I had a skirt and a sweater on; we had too many last-minute media calls on Arivistan these days for me to be walking into the office in sweats. My brain was already on the day‟s schedule, and I crashed right into Edward when I came out of the bathroom. Only his quick reflexes kept me from tumbling to the ground and taking him with me. “God, sorry, my mind is …” I didn‟t get to finish my sentence as his mouth descended over mine. Warmth flooded through me as I caught his urgent mood, and I decided the office could wait for another half hour. He backed me against the wall and kissed me until both of us were gasping. “I want to make you late for work,” Edward breathed into my ear, his hands pulling my skirt up. “Yes, please,” I whispered back. “Make me very late.”

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I got in just after 10 a.m. I think I had sex hair. ~~ - ~~ We were all sitting in front of the television shortly before the show started, and now everyone looked terrified. I hadn‟t been able to eat a thing all day. Edward was even more tense than he was during the interview itself, and that was saying something. We had taken an enormous gamble on this interview in the hopes that we could get our side of the story out there. What happens if they destroy us instead? Carlisle got up, left the room, then came back a few moments later with a bottle of vodka and small glasses. “You think this is going to be so bad that we‟ll need a drink to get through it?” I asked in amazement. “No,” he said with grin, pouring me a shot. “I think it‟s going to be so good we‟ll need something to toast with.” ~~ - ~~ “Tonight on ABC Primetime … the refugee crisis in Arivistan, a full edition documentary. More than eight months after the Kartesian invasion of Arivistan, the human cost mounts. Nearly one-third of Arivistan’s population is homeless, the death toll is in the thousands and the economy of northern Europe lies in ruins. A massive refugee camp – controlled by a man alleged to be a war criminal – lies on the border of Arivistan and Latvia, estimated to house more than 115,000 ethnic Arivistanians. It is one of the largest humanitarian disaster in Europe since World War Two. And in the midst of it, the world learned of the shocking discovery of an American citizen inside the Valka refugee camp – and his dramatic rescue and repatriation to American soil by the leader of the Refugee Crisis Coalition. Tonight, Edward Nariovski Cullen and Isabella Swan in their only televised interview together tell Primetime about the resistance against the Kartesian occupying force … their first-hand experiences inside the Valka camp … and the extraordinary connection between them that has lasted nearly a decade … and finally led to love.” All of this was voiced over a series of clips showing the Kartesian invasion, the Valka camp itself, and the footage of Edward and me in the studio with Diane Sawyer. The opening music was just starting, and my Blackberry had already vibrated itself off the coffee table and on to the floor. Every phone in the house was ringing, but nobody moved. I picked up my shot and knocked it back, then put the glass back down quickly – my hands were shaking so badly I didn‟t think I could hold it. Edward pulled me tight against him, wrapping his arms around me. I pressed close, hungry for contact. This was beyond surreal. And it began. First came the basics of the geography and political history of northern Europe. And then a brief outline of the Kartesian invasion last summer … Carlisle cradled Esme in his arms when they ran the footage of the tanks rolling through Verisna. “As the US scrambled to evacuate American citizens trapped inside Arivistan, one American was determined to get back inside the country of his birth - Edward Nariovski Cullen, son of UN diplomat Carlisle Cullen and Esme Nariovski, former principal dancer of the Arivistanian National Ballet. His parents met in the 1970s when Carlisle was attached to the US embassy in Verisna. Edward was born in 1981, and lived in Arivistan until he was 13 years old when his mother immigrated to New York City and married her long-time love and father of her son.” Pictures of Edward and his parents flashed on the screen. “Three weeks after Kartesia invaded Arivistan, Edward left his family home in New York City and boarded a flight to Riga, Latvia. And disappeared.”

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The screen cut to the studio interview we had taped. “Where did you go after you landed in Latvia, Edward?” asked Diane Sawyer. Edward looked absolutely sinful in a French blue button-down and charcoal grey slacks. “I went to old friends in the city, and left my passport and identification with them. I already had contacts inside Arivistan. Someone met me in Riga, and we made our way north to the border shortly thereafter. It was not difficult to cross at night in an isolated area.” “What were you doing in Arivistan?” “I was part of the resistance.” “The resistance against Kartesia?” “Yes.” The voice-over continued. “Edward Cullen’s mission in Arivistan was not to take life but to save it. He graduated with his medical degree from Harvard Medical School in 2006 with a near-perfect grade point average and job offers from some of the country’s best hospitals. Instead of taking a prestigious hospital position or starting a lucrative private practice, he served a one-year assignment with Doctors Without Borders in central Africa, He was offered a second assignment not long before the war broke out in the country of his birth.” “You were a soldier.” The camera cut to Edward, whose green eyes narrowed at the question. He shook his head. “I was a doctor, not a soldier. My job was to save the lives of my countrymen.” “What was it like, working on the front lines of the resistance?” Edward took a deep breath, audible on camera. “It was, as you might expect, very intense. There was mortar fire. Aerial bombardment. Weapons fire. Landmines. My experience with Doctors Without Borders in Africa had given me some experience with this kind of battlefield medicine. But this was beyond anything I could have imagined. It leaves a terrible scar on your psyche.” His eyes got a faraway look in them. “It is very difficult to sleep at night when you are afraid you may not live until morning.” “How long did you serve as a field doctor before the Kartesians finally caught up with your resistance cell?” “Close to two months.” “What happened then?” As I watched, I shifted around a bit, pressing myself a little closer into Edward‟s warm body. Hearing this in the studio last week had been difficult, and I imagined no different now. “It was the afternoon of September 10. The sun was shining. There was snow on the ground though, and the temperatures were below freezing at night. I was on the far side of our compound, walking to the hospital building to check on my patients, when the planes appeared. The first bomb took out the hospital. “Those of us remaining after the first attack fled into the woods. It was an air assault, no ground troops. The Kartesians simply strafed the area, destroying everything we had. It was all over in about 20 minutes. Of the 100 of us in this cell, maybe 15 survived.” “We salvaged what little we could from the wreckage and started heading south. We were only about 70 miles north of the Latvian border at this point, having moved steadily south over the last several weeks to avoid Kartesian

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bombings.” Edward paused and the camera cut to me, my hand over my eyes as I tried not to cry on camera. That had been the first time I had heard him speak of these events, and every word had stabbed at me. “We decided to head for the border, hoping to locate other members of the resistance. It took nearly two weeks to cover the first 20 miles of the trip. I lost two patients along the way … they were seriously injured in the initial attack and I was unable to save them. Good men, with families.” He looked down at the table in front of us, where Edward‟s hand was holding mine so tightly that my knuckles were white. “I was operating in the forest at night with little more than a scalpel and my bare hands. What more could I do?” He looked up and asked again, helplessly. “What more could I do?” In the living room beside us, Esme let out a choked sound, and Edward flinched against me. “After we buried Arno, the second one to die, we were able to move faster. No more wounded men to slow us down.” His face twisted with grief. “We stayed on the move as much as possible. It got cold at night. So cold. Because I was a doctor, I did everything in my power to protect my hands. My feet and toes … they froze. I thought I would never be warm again. “It was difficult to keep track of the days. We reached the Valka area in a week or so, and remained there for several weeks. There were fewer bombings there, but greater risk of being caught on the ground. Which is precisely what happened to me. I had no identification and had obviously been living rough. The soldiers knew what I was. And so I was interred in the Valka camp in early January.” The Valka refugee camp. The Kartesians refer to it as a prison camp. Nearly five times the size of a standard UN-run refugee installation with more than 115,000 residents. That’s like putting the entire population of the city of Abilene, Texas, into an area the size of 10 city blocks. The voice-over went on to describe the camp in greater detail. They showed satellite images of the camp, and closer footage from the ground, probably taken with a concealed handheld camera. “What did it feel like when you entered that camp, Edward?” asked Diane. “I could see tanks, barbed wire around the perimeter. There were soldiers with guns and dogs patrolling the fences. There were bodies in the snow. Men who had tried to escape. You could see they had been shot in the back.” Edward ran his hand through his short hair and blew out a breath. “I truly did not think I would leave that camp alive.” “But you did. You‟re here now.” “Yes, I am here.” On the screen, Edward‟s eyes shot over to my face for a moment, and he smiled a little. “But it was a very near thing.” “What was it like … inside the camp?” “Crowded. Filthy. Cold,” he said. “I did not understand why there were no NGOs there to improve conditions. We were sleeping 10 to a shelter. Conditions were appalling. Very little food or clean water. And cold. So cold.” He shuddered visibly on screen. “Did you have any idea that help was on the way? That someone was about to save you?” Edward looked down at the table again, at our hands. “I dreamed of her at night sometimes,” he said in a quiet voice. Diane Sawyer leaned forward a little. “Dreamed of who, Edward?”

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“Of Bella,” he said, even more quietly. Isabella Swan, a native of the little town of Forks, Washington, was just 17 years old when she met Edward Cullen. They traveled together in the world-renowned Global Youth Leadership program beginning in 1999. It’s an experiential learning program reserved exclusively for the world’s most promising students. Tens of thousand apply, only a gifted handful are accepted to travel in the year-long program across all seven continents of the world. Isabella – or Bella, as she prefers to be called – was at the top of that very short list. She already knew she wanted to pursue a career in international development when she started GYL. Her experiences in the program, especially in countries like Africa and China, reinforced her convictions. Not only should international development be done – but it needed to be done differently. My face was flaming red with embarrassment as they ran clips from some earlier interviews and photos from my time in university. The new concept I had developed for constructing a modern refugee camp. Footage of Jasper and me in Darfur when we had tested the concept. The publicity around the formation of the coalition. Including the damn page three article in the Times. “Bella, did Edward tell you that he was going to Arivistan when he left in July?” “Not directly,” my televised self said on the screen, “but I knew where he was going. Edward and I were very close.” “You knew how dangerous it was for him to enter Arivistan?” “Yes.” “But you didn‟t stop him.” “I wanted to,” I said softly. “But I knew it was no use. He would go whether I gave him my blessing or not. There was no stopping him. If Edward would have let me, I‟d have gone with him. But this was something he needed to do alone.” I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts. “Letting him go was one of the most difficult things I‟ve ever done. And knowing he was in danger the whole time he was away was agonizing.” “Did you hear from him while he was in Arivistan?” “Yes. He would send me a short text message every day. Sometimes it would contain a clue so that I could tell roughly where he was in the country.” I took a breath and squeezed Edward‟s hand on screen. “On September 10 of last year, the messages just stopped. And I knew something terrible had happened.” “And was that when you started planning to get into Arivistan?” “No,” I said evenly. “Planning began the day the invasion took place. Before Edward had even left for Arivistan.” I leaned forward – this was one of my key messages for the interview. “At Refugee Crisis International, it‟s our job to improve the conditions of people who inhabit refugee camps. That is what we do best – it‟s what I do best. As soon as that camp started to form in July of last year, we knew we would be going in eventually. “I did not know Edward Cullen would be in the camp. I hoped he would be – I even prayed for it though it‟s been many years since I‟ve done much praying. And I won‟t deny that it was a huge motivator for me. But that possibility didn‟t distract me from my work – it made me better at it. It gave me the courage to help bring the coalition together. The patience to find consensus with the Kartesian government on our entry plan. It made me try harder, work longer hours and give more of myself than I‟d ever given to a crisis before.

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“Not a single dime of donor money was spent on the search for Edward Cullen. And certainly the mission was not neglected in any way by my quest to find him. If anything the mission was more successful because of his presence in my life.” Edward, Carlisle and Esme clapped for me at this point, and I hid my face in Edward‟s shoulder with embarrassment. I really had gotten up on my soapbox there. The voice-over went on to describe Commandant Aro, showing pictures of the refugees with the brandings on their foreheads. Then it segued into a piece on the diseases that plague all refugee camps – dysentery, cholera, other waterborne illnesses. And in our case, pneumonia. “Was the camp population aware that aid workers had entered the camp, Edward?” “Yes, conditions in the camp definitely improved upon the arrival of the coalition. We had clean drinking water almost immediately. Better medical care. Emergency rations. Plastic sheeting for better shelter. Most people were still terrified of the Kartesians and the Commandant of the camp, but knowing there were foreigners present made us feel hopeful for the first time. That maybe we could get out of there alive.” “Did you know that Bella was with the coalition?” Edward‟s eyes softened a little. “No … but I hoped. We had heard a rumor of an American aid worker who spoke Arivistanian very well. A woman. I wanted so badly to believe it was Bella. I would walk in the camp … looking. Searching for her. But we were not allowed to approach the administrative buildings, which is where Bella tells me she spent the majority of her time, as leader of the coalition.” Diane turned to me on screen. “You did the same thing, didn‟t you? Walked the camp, searching for Edward.” “Yes,” I said. “I … I tried not to. I had a job to do, and it was not about running from tent to tent looking into the face of every one of the men in the camp. But it was very hard not to. Most days, I would spend an hour or so walking through the camp, looking. I couldn‟t help myself. I had to find him.” “Bella, what was the worst outcome you could have had from your search? Was it finding out that Edward was dead?” “No,” I said immediately. “It would have been not knowing. It would have been searching every tent, looking into every face and never finding the one I was looking for. It would have been following every lead, combing the country top to bottom, and never turning up any trace of him.” I could see tears in my eyes on the screen. “And then spending the rest of my life wondering what had happened. Never knowing. Never getting closure. Never seeing his face again, or hearing his voice.” On screen, I stopped talking because I was close to crying. Sitting on the couch here with Edward, I could feel the tears sliding down the sides of my face. He wiped them away, and kissed the top of my head, his arms holding me close against him. Edward, Edward, Edward. He’s here. He’s safe. “But you did find him.” “Yes. And just in time, too,” I said. “Just in time because Edward, you had contracted the bacterial pneumonia that had broken out in the camp?” “Yes. I fell ill very rapidly having been living hand to mouth for several weeks before arriving at the camp. The fever took me so fast that I was incapable of making rational decisions within hours of becoming ill. The men I shared my tent with were very suspicious of the foreigners, and did not take me to the medical post that had been set up. I could have easily died on the plastic sheeting on the floor of my shelter had things gone differently. The last thing I remember was one of the aid workers entering my shelter, asking me questions, asking my name.”

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“And then?” Diane asked with a little smile. “And then I woke up in a clean, warm hospital bed in Latvia to find Bella giving me a hard time,” said Edward with a grin. “He makes that sound pretty easy, but I have the feeling it was not,” she said, turning to me. “How did you get him out of the camp?” I could see myself pause and collect my thoughts on screen for a split second. We had all agreed it would be best if a sanitized version of my encounters with the Commandant were presented on this program. “I told lies. Lots of them. Good ones,” I said. “The Commandant was extremely reluctant to let any of the refugees out of the camp, and Edward was no exception. In the end, I managed to persuade him.” “How close did Edward come to dying from the pneumonia?” Diane asked. “Our medical director figures he would have survived another 12 hours max. He had a 107 degree temperature when we found him. I didn‟t even recognize him.” On screen, I touched my finger to the corner of my eye, and Edward leaned over to kiss the side of my head. I hadn‟t even realized they‟d caught that moment on film. “You are together now. Romantically,” stated Diane. “Yes,” I responded. “For the first time in your 10-year friendship.” “That is correct,” said Edward. “You two seem perfect for each other. I think many people find it … difficult to believe … that you didn‟t fall in love before this point.” “Ah, but that is a different thing altogether,” said Edward, smiling. “We have been in love for a very long time. But there was always a reason why we could not act upon it. School. Our careers. Geography. Culture.” He smiled teasingly. “Oh, and for a while we fought and did not speak to one another. That was another problem.” “You fought?” said Diane. “Oh, yes,” I said. “We fought. Constantly, especially when we were teenagers. We still do. Only now, we‟re a little better at compromising. And making up.” “Do you know when you first fell in love with Edward?” she asked. I blushed. “Yes,” I responded. “In Ushuaia, Argentina. At least, that‟s when I realized I was in love with him.” Diane laughed and looked at Edward. “What about you? When did you fall in love with Bella?” And on screen, I turned to look at Edward with a strange mix of apprehension and anticipation. I had no idea how he would answer that question. “I realized I was in love with her on a bus between Munich and Berlin, in Germany, while Bella was sleeping,” he said quietly. “Although I did not do a good job of showing her how much she meant to me for a long while after that.”

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“And what finally changed after all this time to bring you together? Was is the war? The threat of losing one another?” “Not in the way most people would think,” I said. “It certainly added a sense of urgency. But we would have gotten together even if the war had not broken out. It was just … time. After all these years, it was finally time.” “Do you have plans for the future together? Marriage? Family?” The two of us glanced at each other really quickly and smiled. “We have been dating for five weeks – the topic has not quite yet come up in conversation,” said Edward delicately. Everyone laughed. “I do not think it is a secret that I am fairly traditional in my views regarding relationships. Yes, I want to marry Isabella. Sooner rather than later, if she permits. And she already knows my views on having children.” I blushed, remembering what he had said to me at Emmett‟s a few weeks ago. “But I am willing to wait as long as I have to.” “And you, Bella?” “I can‟t imagine a life without Edward in it,” I said. “Am I ready to get married and have babies? Not yet. But I know that I will do those things with Edward when the time comes.” “And your careers?” “I don‟t plan on changing my line of work anytime soon,” I said. “And it would appear that our services are still very much needed in this world.” We both looked at Edward. For a moment, I saw something in the back of his eyes, something I didn‟t know or understand. “I have some thinking to do, decisions to make, about what my next steps are,” said Edward smoothly. “And some adjusting to do after several months under very challenging circumstances. For now, I will be staying in New York City and being thankful that I am alive.” He looked at me and I could hear his unspoken thought. And that we’re together. “Will you return to Arivistan one day?” “I hope so,” said Edward. “Perhaps even to live for a little while …” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, and I smiled at his hesitancy. “Another topic that has not yet come up in conversation” I explained. “I would not be opposed to spending a few years in Arivistan in a time of peace. I‟ve not seen the country at her best yet.” All through the interview, Diane had had a folder beside her, which she now drew a single piece of paper out of. “I want to go back to something,” she said. “Something we touched on earlier. The media has been giving you two a particularly hard time over the question of cost. About how much money was spent rescuing this one individual while tens of thousands of others were in need. “This is a balance sheet showing exactly how much money was spent to find and repatriate you, Edward.” She handed the piece of paper to him, and he gave it a cursory glance. “Yes, I am aware of this figure. I am also aware that it was fully reimbursed to the coalition. No public money or donations were spent on this effort.” He handed the paper back to her. “That figure is more than $100,000,” she noted. “Do you know how it was reimbursed?”

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“No,” I said honestly. “I was informed by our Board of Directors that it was a corporate interest, and that they had requested anonymity. Both Edward and I respected that.” “We were able to trace the parties involved, and spoke with them,” Diane said blandly. My heart sank – this was going to be a gross violation of someone‟s privacy. Edward and I suspected that the money had been donated by the Arivistanian community – or by Carlisle and Esme themselves. Whoever it was, they didn‟t want us to know. “The party eventually agreed to be interviewed for this program. Would you like to see the tape?” “Do we have a choice?” asked Edward acidly. Diane laughed. “No, you don‟t. Here it is.” But it wasn‟t anything like what we thought. The Global Youth Leadership program is known the world over for its prestigious academic program. During their year abroad, the students who qualify for this program have opportunities that most of us only dream of. Meeting with world leaders and heads of state. Hands-on experience in their fields of study. Ports of call on each of the seven continents, including the Antarctic. Upon completing GYL, these young people have a network of contacts that most professionals could not collect in a lifetime. But that is not, according to GYL alumni, the most valuable thing that one gets from the program. “The friendships you form as a class, the bond that we have with one another – it is lifelong and life-altering,” came a familiar voice from the screen. Dressed in a suit and tie and looking every inch the power broker that he was – but that we so rarely saw – was Emmett McCarty. “For our class, this has been a very difficult and emotional eight months. First, one of our classmates was in mortal danger, lost in a war zone and given up for dead by nearly everyone around us. Then we had to stand by and watch as a second classmate risked her own safety to get him back. And then to top it off, the media is trying to twist their story into something it‟s not. “Edward is my best friend on this earth, and Bella‟s a close second. They are also two of the most stubborn people I know. Neither of them would accept the kind of help from the class that we wanted to give during this crisis. So we went behind their backs.” Emmett grinned, so proud of himself. “Guys, the class paid the bill for your costs. And to everyone watching this program, you need to know that Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan are honest people.” His grin broadened, showing off his adorable dimples. “Welcome home, you two. We love you, and the rest of the class can‟t wait to see you again.” The camera returned to us; I was crying and even Edward‟s eyes were suspiciously shiny. Diane was smiling. “You‟ve got some very loyal friends, you know.” Both of us nodded, still a little stunned. “There are 50 people in your class, plus a number of road staff. Not a single one of them would speak to any of our reporters.” “We‟re pretty tight,” I said with a smile. “Always have been, always will.” “Any final thoughts that you wanted to share? Bella?” “Only to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the people who made it possible for me to find Edward again. I didn‟t do any of this alone, and I‟m grateful for the support I‟ve received.” “Edward?” He looked down at the table.

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“I just want an end to this war,” he said passionately. “I want Arivistan to be free again. Those are real people in that refugee camp who have lost their homes, their families. The world cannot stand by and allow this to happen. I would beg the United Nations to take swift action to end the occupation and free my country with as little bloodshed as possible.” “Thank you both for speaking with us tonight. We are happy that you are both safe on American soil once again. “We leave you tonight with some still images provided by the Refugee Crisis Coalition of the Valka refugee camp. I‟m Diane Sawyer. Good night.” They did a good job with the pictures we had provided, creating a beautiful and haunting montage. At the end, the screen dissolved into darkness, and they put up a list of agencies where viewers could donate money or learn more about the refugee situation in Arivistan. When that disappeared, it was replaced by the address where you could obtain more information about GYL. And then it was done. There was a long silence in the dark living room. “That was extremely well done, my children,” said Esme in a low voice. “I am proud of both of you. More than I can ever tell you.” “We know how hard it was for both of you to do that,” said Carlisle. “You really nailed it. Well done.” The phones – which had never really stopped ringing and vibrating during the entire program – were still going off all over the house. “I‟m just glad they didn‟t crucify us,” I said shakily. “And Emmett – my God, Emmett! I can‟t believe he did that!” I looked at Edward curiously. “Are you OK?” “I am not sure,” he said. “It was difficult to watch that. To experience the emotions over again. And I think I might like to kill Emmett for surprising us in this way. But I will do that later. Right now, I would like to go to bed.” He stood and looked at me. “If you would prefer to stay up … perhaps listen to some of the many messages on your Blackberry,” he said a little sarcastically, gesturing to my jittering phone, “I understand.” “They can wait,” I said, carrying the glasses into the kitchen. ~~ - ~~ Edward was lying in bed when I joined him, his hands behind his head as he stared up to the ceiling in the darkness. He didn‟t move when I got under the covers and lay down on my side, facing him. We lay like that for several minutes in silence. Finally, he sighed and rolled over, taking me into his arms. He put his face into the crook of neck, and ran his hand up and down my back. “You were perfect,” I whispered. “Thank you,” he said. “I found it … difficult … to watch. More so than to actually do the interview.” “I know. I‟m proud of you. On both counts. On all counts.” I wound my arms around his waist. “You are braver than anyone I know. Stronger. And I love you more than my own life.” He didn‟t answer, only pulled us closer together so that our bodies were as close as they could be. We fell asleep like that.

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Ch 25 – The Promise

April 3, 2009 BPOV For the week following the broadcast of our interview, Edward was quiet. This didn‟t surprise me – I had plenty of experience watching him retreat after he allowed his emotions to show. But this time was different. This wasn‟t an emotional retreat. It was just Edward with a lot on his mind. Ten years ago, I might have pushed. Now – well, now I knew better. I went back to Brooklyn for the weekend, picking up my mail and running errands. We‟d need to decide about living arrangements; I couldn‟t keep sleeping over at my boyfriend‟s parents‟ house indefinitely. I wondered if between the two of us, we could make enough money to afford something small in Manhattan. It would be nice to lose the commute. I returned Sunday night, tired and full of cramps. Rather than running for the hills when I told him I had my period, Edward made me a cup of tea and absently asked if I needed an aspirin. A pleasant change from Mr. Wonderful, I recalled with a little smile - he had gotten that deer-in-the-headlights look every time I put a box of tampons into the cart at the grocery store. I briefly wondered where he was right now. Briefly. I went to work every day, and Edward finished up the last of his interviews. We ate dinner together. Went to the movies, which pleased Edward immensely for some reason. Shared tidbits from our days. And slept wrapped up in each other‟s arms every night. We didn‟t have sex, but there was lots of holding and touching. I felt cherished. So this was what it is like to have a quasi-normal life with the man you loved. On Friday night, Edward was particularly withdrawn. Carlisle and Esme were gone for the weekend to visit friends in White Plains. I awoke in the middle of the night to find our bed empty. I could hear the faint sounds of the piano downstairs, and knew where to find him. “Hi,” I said from the doorway. He looked up from the piano, concerned. “I am sorry. Did I wake you?” he asked. “Not at all.” I sat down on the couch, not bothering to put a light on. “Come sit with me?” He pushed back the bench and joined me, pulling me into his arms. I burrowed my face into his chest, nuzzling against his collarbones. Edward‟s hands ran through my hair, then tipped my chin up. His lips brushed my forehead, across my eyes and down to my mouth. “You have been quiet,” I whispered against his lips between kisses. “What have you been thinking about?” He smiled and kissed me again. And again. Will I ever stop wanting him this much? “I have been thinking about you. And me. Our future. My career. Many things.” “And have you come to any conclusions?” “Well,” he said. “I know that I love you. And I do not wish to live apart from you. I would like for us to look for our own place together, mana mīla.”

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“I was thinking that too,” I murmured, putting my head on his shoulder. “It would be nice to live here in Manhattan.” He nodded in agreement. There was a long, companionable silence, Edward stroking my hair. I shivered at the touch of his fingers, and he reached over to pull a throw around us. “I also think,” he said haltingly, then paused. He struggled for a moment over what he had to say. “I think it is time for me to see the therapist you recommended.” I looked up at him. His features were carefully arranged in a neutral expression. This couldn‟t be an easy thing for him to admit. “I can call on Monday, set something up for you,” I said. He nodded, and I said nothing more. He was trying, and that was all I could ask. “There is something I need to tell you,” Edward said after more silence. “Something that I have been thinking about a lot lately.” “Tell me,” I said softly, curving into him more closely. “I am afraid that Alice was extremely unhappy with my lapse in judgment regarding your medication … the day we drove back to the camp from Riga. She indicated to me she would be filing a formal complaint against me as a physician upon her return to America.” He turned his face so he could look me in the eye. “I could easily lose my license to practice medicine.” I couldn‟t say I was surprised to hear it. Alice had a pretty high professional standard, and Edward‟s actions in Latvia had breached that standard in spades. I didn‟t think she‟d push the complaint, given the circumstances. Nonetheless. “I‟m sorry, Edward,” I said softly. “I would like to think that Alice will take all the circumstances into consideration.” “There are no circumstances to consider,” he responded. “I did a wrong thing, and I am willing to accept responsibility for my actions.” He ran his hand through his short hair, his old nervous habit. “But I will never forgive myself for hurting you in that way.” “It is done,” I said in Arivistanian, cupping his face in my hand. “And I have forgiven you.” He kissed my palm, once lightly, the second time more slowly. I laid my head against his chest and listened to his heart beating under my ear. He was alive. He was safe. We were together. I would never forget what it felt like to go to bed at night, not knowing if he was alive. I would never again take his presence in my life for granted. We sat in dark together like that, his heartbeat steady in my ear. Warm and comfortable, I drifted off. I stirred as he gathered me up in his arms and carried me up the stairs, still wrapped in the blanket. Gently, Edward laid me down in the bed, went away for a couple of minutes, then returned. He slid into the sheets, turning toward me. I snuggled into his arms, our bodies intertwined. For a brief moment, I teetered between sleep and lust, feeling his lean frame pressed against mine. I sighed with pleasure, and tipped over the edge into peaceful darkness. ~~ - ~~ I could hear the shower running when I woke the next morning. The delicious smell of coffee filled the room – I turned and saw a small tray on the bedside table. Coffee, fruit, pastry. When he emerged from the bathroom, I was nose-deep in the coffee cup already. The sight of his beautiful male form wrapped in a towel immediately captured my full attention. It had been nearly a week since we‟d made love, and I was eager for him.

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“Thank you for breakfast, my love,” I said, unable to drag my eyes away from the towel, which was dipping dangerously low on his hips. “But I think you have something else I would like to eat.” Edward‟s lips curved upward in a smile. “Soon,” he said evasively. “Enjoy your breakfast first. Have a shower.” He wandered over to his closet and casually dropped the towel. I was still staring at him when he turned back around with his clothes. “You are insatiable,” he teased, pulling on his jeans – without any underwear, I noticed, the lust in my body kicking up a notch. He leaned over and kissed me quickly on the mouth. I grabbed for him, and he twisted away, laughing. “I must go downstairs for a bit. I will be back.” ~~ - ~~ I spent extra time in the bathroom, showering, tidying myself up and making him wait a little. I put on a pretty new bra and underwear set that I had bought with him in mind. They were white and lacy, and the bra pushed my breasts up to give me some much-needed cleavage. I opened the door in just my new underwear, feeling a little sexy and a little shy at the same time. Edward was sitting backward on his desk chair, looking like he‟d just come in from outside. He was dressed in black – jeans, long-sleeved cotton shirt and a pair of boots, unlaced. The two of us looked at each other. “Did you eat?” he asked in a low voice. I nodded. “All clean? Are you entirely comfortable?” “Yes,” I said, baffled by his questioning. “Good,” he said. He moved so fast that suddenly, all I was looking at was the empty desk chair lying on its side on the floor. A moment later, I was on my back on the bed, my arms over my head, Edward‟s knees on either side of my chest. He flicked my bra open and yanked it off, sending it flying across the room. I felt something soft and silky around my wrist, then the cold of the wrought iron headboard. “When we get home, you will learn that I have an iron bedstead in my room. And there you will discover what it is like to be bound, helpless and begging for mercy before me.” It was payback time. The thought of being entirely under his control was so sexually exciting to me that I let out a breathy moan as he tied me to the bed frame. “You like the idea of being my slave, do you not?” he whispered at my ear. I nodded wildly. “Good. You will not speak again until I give you permission.” He sat back on his heels, still wearing those sinfully sexy black boots. His crotch was right in front of me, and I could see his erection starting to grow inside his jeans. My mouth watered at the thought of it. I pulled experimentally at my bonds, but they were firm. My feet, however, were still free. “I will tie these in a moment,” he said, reaching back to touch my legs. “First, there is something I wish to do. Something I have wanted to do many times since I met you. All those times you made me so very angry, mana mīla, especially when we were teenagers and you were so badly behaved.” Edward pulled off the scrap of lacy underwear and tossed it aside, then pushed my knees up against my body. He knelt at the end of the bed, his eyes feasting on my bare bottom and exposed sex. His big hand ran across my ass, and I squirmed with desire. “You have been a very, very bad girl,” he whispered thickly, drew back his hand and smacked me hard on my bare ass. I shrieked out loud with shock, pain and desire. Before I could draw another breath, his hand landed on a different part of my behind. After five or six blows, my ass was stinging and warm. The next two smacks landed across my now wet entrance. Edward shoved his hand between my knees and forced them wider apart. The last two blows hit me right where I was aching for him, and for a moment, I thought I might come right then and there. I moaned and arched my hips up. I had never imagined a spanking could be so erotic.

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“You liked that,” he observed, tying one ankle and then the next to the frame of the bed. I lay spread out for him on the bed, trembling with desire. “I wonder what else you will like.” He knelt, straddling my thighs, and cupped my breasts roughly. His long fingers brushed over my already erect nipples, teasing them into two aching points. A moment later, he bent and began licking them with the tip of his tongue. I arched up, trying to push my swollen nipples into his mouth so he would suck on them, but he kept up his agonizingly light teasing. When I moaned for him, he chuckled and kissed a trail down my stomach to my hips. He parted the dark curls between my legs until my clit was exposed, then he blew a stream of cool air on it, causing me to cry out. He licked all around it, giving it a teasing little touch every now and then. I was writhing under him, pushing my sex up into his face, desperate for contact. Edward sat back on for a moment and watched me on the bed, my legs spread for him. His fingers trailed down over my hips and began to trace circles around my sensitive nub. Then he plunged two fingers into my dripping entrance and pushed them in and out, his thumb rubbing hard against my nerves at the same time. It felt so good, and I ground against him, feeling my orgasm building. I started panting, my toes curling and uncurling. Right on the edge … A moment later, his fingers were gone, and I cried out loud with disappointment and frustration. “Not yet, Isabella,” he whispered. “I think I would like to come first. I feel a little selfish this morning.” And I watched, wide-eyed as he slid off the bed. He pulled off his t-shirt and unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them down low on his hips. Then he slowly pulled out his erection, and began to stroke it in front of me. If I thought I‟d been needy before, the tension in my abdomen increased exponentially at the sight of him pleasuring himself in front of me. No, not that. Anything but that! MINE! He reached down and ran his palm over my wet slit, covering it with my slippery juices. I lifted my hips to grind against him, but he was already gone. He started to rub his own length again with a sigh of contentment. “Do you know how many times I have done this and thought of you?” he asked in a strained voice. A faint continuous whimper was issuing from my mouth at this point. “Since I was 19 years old, Isabella.” My eyes were huge as I watched his hand jerking his cock roughly, sliding up and down his length, giving the tip a little extra squeeze with every stroke. “I jerked off so much in our year in GYL that I feared I would go blind. You made me come in my hand, come in my sleep, come in the shower.” I was rocking my hips frantically at this point, trying to finding some friction, any friction, so that I could release the massive orgasm that was cramping in my stomach. His hand moved faster, his dick twitching in his grip as his release got closer. “Every time we rode the bus together, I was afraid to fall asleep for fear I would rub my cock against you and come all over you, right in front of everyone.” His face was contorting with pleasure now, his teeth biting at his lower lip so sexily that it cranked the tension in my belly even higher. I wanted to scream at him to stop; I was shaking my head wildly against the pillow, begging him with my eyes not to climax without me. “I have come for you a hundred times,” he ground out, gripping himself harder and gasping for breath. “And now I am going to come for you again, Bella. Right now, right here. God!” His head flew back and his hips jerked upward as the semen exploded out of his body. It shot across my torso in hot lines, driving me utterly wild. I cried out at the same time he did, frustrated beyond words that I could not follow him into release. Every muscle in my body was trembling with need. My back arched, my nipples rock hard and aching. He stood there, cock in hand, panting. His eyes were dark with lust. “Did you enjoy watching that, my naughty girl?” he asked. I nodded frantically, my body raging with desire. His softened dick gave a visible twitch in his grip. He let go of himself and stripped down naked very slowly. He knelt over

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me again, running his hands down my sides, caressing my breasts. I jerked when he touched my hard nipples; my orgasm starting to bubble up again. He squeezed my breasts, his thumbs rubbing just enough against my swollen tips to drive me into a frenzy without letting me come. “Speak to me,” he said commandingly. “Tell me what you are feeling right now.” “I need you … so bad,” I begged instantly. “Please, Edward, please fuck me. Please.” I could see his penis hardening between his legs, but I knew I couldn‟t wait for him to recover. “Or just touch me, make me come. I have to have you ... right now.” His hands slid down my body, flicking one more time over my nipples, making me cry out. He spread my legs further apart, and roughly thrust his fingers up into my wet entrance, curving them upward to rub against my g-spot. At the same time, his mouth descended on my clit, licking and sucking at my trembling flesh. My whole body tensed even further, the coiling desire in me pausing for a moment. Then I burst into his mouth, screaming his name as my orgasm roared through me. I couldn‟t see, couldn‟t hear … all I was aware of was his mouth and fingers against me and the swamping waves of pleasure flooding through my body. As my climax began to subside, he sucked my clit hard between his lips, and everything flared back up again. I pushed hard against him as I came for the second time in his face. The sensations finally slowed and stopped, and I could feel my arms and legs shaking violently in their restraints. Edward yanked away the silk that was holding me to the bed frame, then swooped down on top of me, his mouth crushed against mine. I wrapped myself around him, trying to still the shaking in my limbs. “God damn, Edward,” I finally whispered. “That was incredible.” “For me as well,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. I was shivering, and he quickly wrapped us both in the feather duvet from his bed. “I … I did not mean to hurt you …” he said, rubbing his hands across my shoulders. “You did not,” I said, still panting a little. “But you did give me the most intense orgasm of my life. And now, I just need you to hold me.” He chuckled low in his throat and pulled me against him. After several minutes, I felt like I could move again, and shifted against his warm body. I could feel his erection pushing against my stomach. I rubbed myself against his hardness, and he made a needy sound. “Hi there,” I whispered with a smile. “I cannot seem to stop wanting you,” he whispered back, reaching down between us and finding my wet entrance. I hitched my leg over his hip and he guided himself into me. Edward‟s eyes rolled slightly back in his head – it was the first time we had made love with nothing between us. “You feel so wet, so warm,” he breathed. I pulled my leg up higher, and he sank even deeper into me, his breath catching in his throat. He rocked back and forth into me for a long while, his velvety hardness rubbing every inch of my insides. His breathing started to hitch a little, and he edged one hand between us. He circled my clit, then gave it a gentle squeeze, making me ram down harder on to his cock. I could feel my orgasm approaching; my walls fluttered against him. The feeling of his fingers sliding against my nerves pushed me over the edge, and the spasms came boiling up. As soon as he felt me coming, Edward let go and released into my body. When he withdrew a few minutes later, I felt a rush of warm wet semen dripping on to my thighs, and sighed with pleasure. “Finally, a wet spot I can make you sleep in,” I teased. He groaned a little against my neck, then nuzzled against my skin, his lips pressing against me. “Sleep,” he repeated in a mumble. I rolled over and spooned into his back. Moments later, we were both gone. ~~ - ~~ When I awoke, it was just after noon. Edward was still sound asleep, his face relaxed. I got up and left the room, returning with the newspaper, my Blackberry and a cup of coffee.

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I read steadily through the international news section of the paper, noting the coverage on Arivistan. Then I caught up on the email reports from the Valka camp … I smiled when I read that a school had been set up since we left. Even in the midst of utter chaos, kids had to go to school. I flagged a dozen or so items for follow up. I should probably go into the office at some point this weekend … but at this point, I had no desire to even get out of bed. I glanced down at Edward, who was still sleeping beside me. Who would want to get out of bed with the most gorgeous guy in the world curled up naked in the sheets? I still wondered occasionally what he saw in me. His green eyes suddenly fluttered open. He had a look on his face like he didn‟t quite know where he was. “What time is it?” he asked, confused. “Almost one o‟clock,” I said, running a hand over his hair and smiling. “I couldn‟t wake you - you are beautiful when you sleep.” Edward smiled sheepishly then got out of bed. He came back shortly with his own coffee, and climbed back in beside me. “What is new in the world?” he asked, gesturing to the paper. “Same old, same old,” I said with a sigh. “The UN High Commission on Refugees continues to urge Kartesia to hand over control of the Valka camp to the United Nations. Zimbabwe is still a mess. Somalia‟s getting worse; we‟ve been thinking for a while that will be our next target.” I could feel Edward physically flinch at my words, and I looked at him in surprise. “What?” “Nothing,” he said flatly. I looked at him for a moment more, then went back to my email. There was a long silence, then he sighed. “It is … something I need to learn to deal with. You going away to dangerous places. Without me.” “It‟s not an unreasonable fear, Edward,” I said. “I felt the same way when you went to Arivistan last year. I understand, truly I do.” I drew closer to him, and he rested his head in my lap. “It is something the therapist can help you cope with. He‟s worked with some of the spouses of our field workers, helping them develop ways to deal with their fears while their partners are away.” “Is it wrong for me to wish from time to time that you had selected a more conventional profession?” he asked with a smile. “Nope,” I said. “Sometimes I wish it myself. But it is what I do. And I love it.” I looked down at my Blackberry without seeing it. “Although I don‟t know how it will be the first time I need to be away from you for a month or two. I don‟t even like being away from you for a day or two. We will both have some adjusting to do.” “You getting hurt or being in danger when I am not there … that is the worst fear in my heart,” Edward confessed. I felt my throat tighten up – how could I not relate to what he was saying after everything that had happened in the last year? “I know, darling. I know.” I groped for his hand and squeezed it tight, willing my tears away. “It is hard for me to imagine you being frightened about anything. Big, strong man that you are.” He grinned and kissed the back of my hand. “I feel similarly about you, even though you are a small, weak woman,” he pointed out. “You also rarely show fear. Tell me, mana mīla, what do you fear most?” “I don‟t like spiders,” I said with a smile.

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“I know that,” Edward replied dryly. “I have had to kill a lot of them for you over the years. But that is not what you fear most in life, is it?” “I don‟t want to talk about this,” I said uneasily. I knew exactly what I feared most, and I didn‟t relish the idea of sharing it with Edward. “I cannot believe this!” he exclaimed, sitting up in bed. He was still naked, and the sight of his body was most distracting. “Could this be true? You are refusing to communicate? With me? I never thought I would see this day.” I whacked ineffectually at him, but he easily dodged my hand. “Edward,” I said warningly. He turned the full force of his handsome face and green eyes on me, and my heart turned over in my chest. “Oh for God‟s sake. My fear is not much different that yours. I am most afraid that … that you will leave me, Edward. For someone tall, beautiful and elegant – like your model girlfriend you were photographed with.” The last statement came out of a little more sharply than I intended, but telling him this made me feel frightfully exposed. Edward looked at me for a moment, then cracked up laughing. I instantly became annoyed. He confesses his greatest fear to me, and I’m overwhelmed with love and empathy. I tell him mine and he laughs his butt off. Terrific. I looked back down at my Blackberry, feeling a flush creeping over my face. Suddenly, he fell silent – then he turned my face to his. “You are not making a joke, are you?” he asked wonderingly. “You are serious. That really is something you fear.” “Yes, it is,” I said in a testy voice, tugging my chin away. “You shouldn‟t have made me tell. It‟s embarrassing.” But as quickly as I pulled away, Edward was back, right in my face. “Mana mīla, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me,” he said, cupping my face in his hands and staring at me with alarming intensity. “I love you … beyond words, beyond my life, I love you. How is it that you do not know this?” “I do know,” I protested. “But some days, I do not understand. Look at you,” I said, gesturing to him. “You are stunning. Gorgeous. You could have anyone.” “But I only desire you. I love only you. All other women pale in comparison to you. Beautiful. Brave. Smarter than anyone else I know.” He pulled me closer, pushing the newspapers off the bed. “One look at you, and I am lost. Feel,” he demanded, taking my hand and sliding it down under the covers where his penis was already rising. “This is what you do to me. All the time. You and you alone. Please, never think you are anything other than beautiful.” My head was spinning – from his words, from the look on his face, from the feel of his body reacting to my touch. I blindly pushed my Blackberry away and heard it tumble down onto the floor. All I could think about was kissing him … right now. Our mouths connected and the entire world just vanished. It was just gone. Only the two of us. Together. Slowly, the kiss ended, and we broke apart. He framed my face with his hands, and his expression grew very soft. “Mine,” he said. “Always,” I replied. And kissed him again.

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Epilogue: Reunions

May 16, 2009 JPOV The doors opened up, and I could see Bella right away. I could also see flashbulbs and television cameras – it wasn‟t often we returned from a mission to press coverage. But this one had been an exception from beginning to end. The Rev immediately split off from the main group and was nabbed by the PR team. Poor Dave … no rest for him. Bella was looking right at me and Alice, a huge smile on her face and a trace of tears in her eyes. It was always like this when two of us came home to the third. One of the three of us generally stayed behind when we were in the field – it was just too chaotic (and frankly too dangerous) for the three of us to be away at once. We had had so many homecomings like this over the years. But this too was different … now we were four, not three. And there was a tall, rangy man with reddish brown hair standing behind my old friend, his hand resting gently on her hip. I hadn‟t recognized Vanguard at first. The skeletal thinness of his face and body was completely gone. He had enough hair to fall a bit over his forehead. His missing teeth had been fixed. He was still pale, but not unhealthy. And while I definitely didn‟t have any leanings in that direction, you‟d have to be blind not to notice that the guy was just as Alice had described him on the airplane a few months ago – smoking hot. The biggest change was in his face and his eyes. He no longer looked like a terrified, angry prisoner of war. Vanguard – Edward – was happy. When we reached them, Alice and Bella fell into a long and sniffling embrace, leaving Edward and me to ourselves. “Welcome home, Jasper,” he said, reaching out a hand. We shook, and he pulled me into a brief embrace. I worried for a moment that he‟d go all European on me and start kissing my cheeks, but that didn‟t happen. “How is the situation … over there?” It was so easy to forget that the place we had just left – with its sprawling refugee camp and hundreds of thousands of displaced people – was Edward‟s home. Arivistan. I wondered what the future held for this tiny country that had touched so many lives. “Better than when you left,” I said honestly. “And we‟re leaving the camp in excellent hands with the UNHCR. I know a lot of the people who came in behind us, and they‟re top-notch folks.” Edward nodded a little absently, then brightened. “Well, we are glad you have returned safely. Bella has been going crazy without you.” “I‟m sure you‟ve been keeping her busy,” I said with a smile. Edward grinned – actually grinned! – and flushed a little. Happy.

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Bella extracted herself from Alice‟s embrace, and turned to me. “Hey boss,” she said, her eyes a little too bright. “Don‟t call me boss,” I replied, my voice shaky with emotion. And I pulled her into my arms for a long hug. Everything about her was slightly different – the set of her shoulders, the smell of her hair, the feel of her muscles under my hands. Bella had changed in the time we‟d been apart. She had been fundamentally altered. In a good way. Happy. The greeting between Edward and Alice was more restrained. Alice hadn‟t quite forgiven Edward for the temazepam incident. I wondered if I would need to point out to her (again) that Bella had forgiven Edward, and that it was time for Alice to let it go. There was no way I would let her file that complaint – not when it was patently obvious that the guy had been under horrific stress and made a lousy judgment call that he was atoning like mad for. I watched them together as they helped collect our luggage, and meet up with other members of the mission. They weren‟t attached at the hip, but each one always seemed to know exactly where the other one was. And they looked most content when they were in contact with each other. I saw Edward‟s hand lightly cupping Bella‟s shoulder as she leaned against him, her ear pressed against his chest, almost like she was listening to his heart beat. They weren‟t even looking at each other and yet the moment was so intimate, their connection so powerful, that I had to look away. I wondered briefly if this was how Alice and I looked when we were together. I hoped so. “Are we good to go?” asked Bella as Edward steered the cart. “It‟s going to be tough fitting all of this into Edward‟s car, but I think we‟ll make it.” “I swear I‟m buying a company van,” I said, cursing and sweating as we piled the luggage into the trunk. “First thing on Monday morning.” Alice and Bella looked at each other and rolled their eyes. “What?” “You say that every time we come home from a trip,” said Alice. “But you never buy the van.” “This time is different,” I insisted, sparking another round of giggling. Edward caught my eye and offered me a sympathetic smile. At least the gender ratio has been evened up. The four of us drove home, the Volvo practically dragging its tailpipe on the ground with the weight of us and the luggage. Edward and I sat in the front seat – the girls insisted I sit up front since I was so much taller. Alice and Bella sat in the back, talking a mile a minute. And for a little while, they were just two girlfriends who had been apart for a long time – complete with giggling, whispering behind cupped hands and a bit of squeeing on Alice‟s part. “Man, I‟m glad you‟re here,” I said suddenly, taking Edward – and me – by surprise. And I really was glad of his presence. He belonged with us. Edward looked in the rearview mirror at our women, and chuckled. “I am too, Jasper.” We were four now, instead of three. It would be different. Our little triangle, undisturbed for years now, was changing. But it was going to work out just fine. ~~ - ~~ July 23, 2009

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EmPOV I groaned in disbelief as the Volvo pulled up in front of the house. They were fucking well arguing. I could see the glares from where I was sitting on the porch. The windows were rolled up, air conditioning blasting and music playing – and I could still hear their voices as they yelled at one another inside the car. They hadn‟t even noticed I was sitting there, so intent they were on their fight. This was going to be a disaster. Just like back in GYL! The volume of the shouting and intensity of the glaring increased. I was thinking about intervening when Edward suddenly lunged across the front seat. I saw coffee cups, keys and sunglasses go flying as Bella‟s arms flew around his neck and Edward started devouring her mouth. I shook my head in disbelief, and walked over to bang on the window. I could see Edward‟s hand going up her shirt and grabbing her boob, and I cringed a little. “Cut it out! Crissakes … get a room!” The two of them jumped and sprang apart. I saw Edward reach down and adjust himself before getting out of the car. “Cock blocker,” he said in a very low voice that Bella couldn‟t hear. “Don‟t fucking touch me until you get rid of that wood,” I hissed back, then turned to sweep Bella up in a huge hug. “Hi beautiful!” I sang out. “It‟s so good to see you. I‟m not going to ask what the hell you two were doing in the car there.” “Arguing,” she said, blushing. “Didn‟t look like it at the end,” I pointed out. “We like making up,” said Edward sardonically behind me. “Will you hug me now? Or do you wish to inspect me for „wood‟ first?” And so the three of us were cracking up when we went into the house. I could see Bella‟s eyes darting around the front of the property, looking for something. “Where are all the cars? Who‟s here, Em? You said there would be people here from the class – the tri-state folks. Is Jamie here? I haven‟t seen her for ages.” “I told you, it‟s a secret.” I opened the front door with a grin and waved them in. This had been in the works ever since Edward had returned to the US – a reunion of as many of our classmates as I could scare up. Of the 50 of us, 23 now lived in the US, about half of them on the eastern side of the country. But the invite had gone out to the entire class, throwing the doors of the McCarty estate open to anyone who would travel here to welcome our lost classmate back home. Bella and Edward turned toward the closed doors of the den, knowing immediately that everyone was in that room. Not just because the doors were closed, or because there was the unavoidable sounds of a group of people gathered in a room … but because we knew when some of us were together. We could feel it. We were 10 years off the road, and the connection was just as strong. I let them walk through the doors first. I knew there would be a video camera or two running in the room – I‟d see their faces after the fact. They stepped into the room, hand in hand. And then stopped. Dead. And stared. There weren‟t 10 people there. Or even 20.

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There were 47 of our classmates in front of them. Plus a dozen or so babies, children and spouses. And me. And Edward. And Bella. The entire class was here. There was a brief moment of silence. I could see my classmates‟ faces as they processed the sight of Edward and Bella together. Then the roar went up. I think we were all supposed to yell “Surprise” or something equally imaginative, but everyone just went batshit and it didn‟t really matter anymore. Again impossible odds, we were all back together again. Then again, we‟d never truly been apart. ~~ - ~~ A few hours later, I came over to sit on the floor beside Bella and Gerhard. Angela was there too, but she got a chair because she was six months‟ pregnant. She never should have flown here in her condition, but there had been no stopping her. Gerhard had his hand cupped tenderly around Angela‟s calf, and Bella was wrapped in Gerhard‟s arms. We still had no physical boundaries with one another. “Hey Bells,” I said, kissing the top of her head as I settled down, beer bottle between my legs. “Hey Em,” she said with a grin. “I can‟t believe you did this for him.” Bella looked out to the back deck where Edward was sitting in a patio chair, nursing a beer and laughing over someone‟s raunchy story. “Look how happy he is.” “I‟ve known Edward for 10 years,” I replied. “And I‟ve never seen him this happy. It‟s not just all of us being together again – it‟s you. You make him happy, Bella.” She smiled and looked back out at Edward for a moment, her heart in her eyes. She loved him so damn much. Edward suddenly looked up through the patio door, straight at Bella. He had his sunglasses on, so I couldn‟t see his eyes. But I knew he was looking at her. I wondered if Rose and I looked like that when we were together. I hoped so. A sniffling sound broke the moment. We all turned to look at Angela, who was suddenly in tears. “What?” we all said at once. She waved her hand at us and blew her nose. “Nothing, nothing. I‟m pregnant – I have pregnant woman hormones. And I‟m just so happy that I can‟t stop ...” She broke off in a little sob, and I was instantly on my feet, rubbing her shoulders. “I can‟t believe you two are finally together,” she said. “Do you remember, Bella on the very first day when we were at the lunch table together? And Edward was looking at you?” Now both of them were tearing up. Gerhard and I looked at each other and shrugged … women. “I remember a great deal about Edward,” said Gerhard in a dark tone. “All those times you fought with him. All the horrible things he said to you. With me so far away in Germany, who will be there to pick up the pieces now?” The teasing smile on his face took away most of the sting of his words. But not all … Gerhard would never entirely approve of Bella and Edward. “You have always been there for me,” said Bella, laying her head down on his shoulder again. “And I love you for it. But … Edward has changed. So have I. And we are both so happy now.” Gerhard‟s face softened a little and he pulled her tight against him. “I know. All I‟ve ever wanted for you – for all of us – is to be happy.”

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“Speaking of happy, how‟s Dirk?” Angela asked. Gerhard started to talk about his boyfriend, and I decided to mosey along like a good host. I walked back toward the front of the house. Rose was coming downstairs holding little Eddie, who had just had lunch and a nap. I held my arms out eagerly for my boy, who greeted me with his mile-wide smile. “Hey big boy,” I cooed as my son reached up and patted my face. “Come see Daddy for a little bit.” I kissed Rose, who then wandered over to sit down with Bella for a bit. I was looking for a hat in the front hallway to put on Eddie so I could take him outside when a little body collided with the back of my legs. “Hey there, sport,” I said, moving my son to one arm and steadying the gorgeous little blonde boy who had just crashed into me. He looked up shyly, then scampered back to his mother. I straightened up and saw Tanya standing there. “You named him after Edward,” she said, gesturing to little Eddie. Kyle came around the corner, and she handed the toddler to him. The little boy screamed with laughter as Kyle tossed him over his shoulder and started running through the house. Crazy Aussie bastard hadn‟t changed a bit in the last 10 years. “Yes, we did. He was born just a few days after Bella got Edward out of the camp. We didn‟t know at the time – we just wanted to honor him, one way or the other.” I swallowed the wave of emotion that inevitably followed when I thought about how things could have ended up with Edward. “Would you like to hold him?” I asked. Tanya eagerly took Eddie from my arms, who stared, transfixed, at her face. She was still beautiful, even after a decade and two pregnancies – one of which had resulted in twins. “That was a beautiful thing to do,” she said, holding one of Eddie‟s chubby hands. “I haven‟t spoken to Edward yet,” Tanya said uncertainly. “We ended so badly. And we did not keep in touch after the end of our year. I was not very honest with him, and I feel terrible about that.” “I do not know if I was very honest in our relationship either,” said Edward, who had come up behind us in the hallway. “But I have learned recently that it is never too late to make things better. Come, let us go talk.” Tanya smiled at him, handed little Eddie back to me and together they went out on to the front porch to talk in private for a bit. “Oh, I am batting a thousand today, little Eddie,” I said with a big smile. “Your daddy … he is the man.” My son smiled back and took a grab for my hair. “Watch it there, big guy. I‟m already starting to lose my hair, and I don‟t need any help along the way.” Suddenly, Rose was beside me, untangling our son‟s strong fingers from my curls. I pulled her into an embrace, little Eddie snuggled between us. “I love you, baby,” I said huskily. “Thanks for letting me do this, have all these people in our house. It means the world to me.” “I know it does, Em. And to be honest, I love your classmates. Makes me wish I could have traveled with you.” She pulled back and gave me a sharp look. “But if anyone throws up, breaks the furniture or gives birth on the good rug, I‟ll kick your ass.” “Language in front of the baby,” I said with a sly smile. Rose grinned and covered little Eddie‟s eyes while she kissed me good and proper. ~~ - ~~ By 1 a.m., the party was winding down. The class was staying for the weekend in the New York area, so we had plenty of fun times ahead. Most of the families with kids had headed to hotels for the night, sleeping children on their shoulders. The singletons were camping out on the floor of the den and in a couple of tents in the backyard. I shuddered to think what those tents were going to do to the grass, but that was the gardener‟s problem, not mine.

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I still couldn‟t believe we had a gardener. Edward and Bella came in from outside, hand in hand. “We‟re heading up to bed,” said Bella. “Sure you wouldn‟t like to have an argument first?” I asked with a grin. Edward rolled his eyes at me, and Bella blushed. “C‟mon then … you guys are special. You get a room. Plus, I know you two can‟t keep your hands off each other, and Rose would kill me if you made a mess on the floor.” I started running up the stairs as a volley of blows came at me from both of them. “Here, I put your stuff in this room,” I said, opening one of the guest rooms. “There‟s a bathroom attached, right through that door. Try to keep it down here, OK? Little Eddie is sleeping right above you, and I don‟t want him traumatized.” “Shut up,” said Bella, glaring me. But then her face crumpled a little, and she threw her arms around my neck. I easily lifted her off the ground. “Thank you so much, Emmett. This is the best surprise of my life. Thank you,” she whispered through tears. “I love you so much. You‟re the best friend in the world.” “Thank you,” I whispered back. “You brought him home to us. To all of us.” Edward and I embraced, thumping each other loudly on the back a few times. He didn‟t say anything, but then again, he never did say much. The look on his face and the suspicious moisture in his eyes were enough. He was my best friend. And he was home. Safe. Alive. They both were. I smiled, and went upstairs to my family. ~~ - ~~ Bella was already curled up in bed when Edward joined her. She held her arms out to him invitingly, and he smiled. He‟d been wanting her since that crazy argument about foreign policy in the car this morning. Who was he kidding? He wanted her all the time. “Hi,” she whispered as he settled gently into her open arms. He could tell by her face that she wanted it sweet tonight. After today, he couldn‟t imagine any other kind of love. Edward‟s mouth came down on hers, and the spiraling arc of their lovemaking began. “Remember what Emmett said,” he teased as he slid deliciously into her. “Do not wake the baby.” Bella laughed … and he was reminded once again what a joy it was to make love laughing. “Just like on the plane. Do you remember?” she asked, wrapping her legs around his waist to take him deeper into her body. “I remember.” Edward‟s hair hung over his forehead as he moved above Bella, and she reached up to dig her fingers into his unruly mass of locks. She loved his hair, loved having it back, having it in her fingers when he was inside her. She tugged on it a little, making him grunt with pleasure. It was sweet, as slow as they could make it but never entirely without urgency. They had yet to fully leave behind the terror that had come with nearly losing one another.

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Edward‟s strokes became deeper and more powerful, and Bella arched her hips up against his. Mindful of the family above them, she cried out his name softly as she came. Her peak brought on Edward‟s, and he toppled over the edge right behind her, gritting his teeth and gasping. He rolled off her, pulling her close in one smooth motion. “I do not think we woke anyone up,” he finally said, flashing his crooked grin. “We can try again, if you‟d like,” Bella said with a smile. “Give me a few minutes, please. I am not as young as I used to be.” She laughed and they lay together in silence for a little while. “Today was so good,” Bella said with a sigh. “I‟m so glad he decided to do this now before I had to leave.” Edward said nothing and his body was still, but she still felt the tremor that ran through him. “I know,” she said simply. “I don‟t know how I‟m going to stand it either.” In six weeks, Bella, Alice and several other team members were going to Somalia to work with a refugee camp that had sprung up in the country‟s southern end. The political situation there was very unsettled, and western aid workers were frequently the target of violence. It was the worst possible place for Bella to be going, in Edward‟s mind. But it was the place where she was needed most. Bella knew it was a topic of ongoing discussion between Edward and his therapist. She didn‟t blame him for being worried … she was too. And the thought of being separated from him for eight weeks or so nearly made her crazy. She was so grateful that she was going with Alice this time. It would be good for her to be with her best friend – and good for Edward and Jasper to have some time together as well. “Let‟s not talk about it tonight, OK?” Bella said. She pulled back a little, tipping his face up to see it better in the dark. “Yes?” “Yes,” he said in a low voice. “It is well.” Then his face softened, and he pulled her tight into his arms. “I love you,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I love you, mana mīla. I am just so afraid of losing you.” Bella smiled and switched to Arivistanian, as she often did when she wanted the conversation to be even more intimate, the connection between them to be that much stronger. “Do you remember what you said to me that night in the park … just before you went away to Arivistan? I was afraid that I would lose you too. Having already lost you too many times before. Do you remember what you said?” Edward nodded. “I told you that you have never lost me in all our days together,” he whispered. “And that you had always had me.” “Always. We will always have each other. And I will come home to you, the way you came home to me.” There were no words in either language for Edward to answer that, for both of them knew there were no guarantees in life. But there was always hope. And so they made love again. In hope.

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Outtake – Inside My Heart

April, 2003 BPOV It was getting late by the time we finished moving the last of my stuff into Mike‟s apartment. Our apartment. I felt a tingle through my body at the thought of Mike and me finally having a space to call our own. There had been so little downtime in the chaos that was Bangladesh for us to be alone ... and now finally, we were together. “I‟m going to take a shower,” said Mike from the hallway. He smiled winningly. “Wanna join me?” I put down the clothes I was folding and followed him into his – our –bathroom. Mike Newton was a graduate student in international development and, as a result, had a nice one-bedroom apartment in Escondido Village, one of the Stanford graduate residences. Technically, I wasn‟t supposed to be living in there with him – I was an undergrad and it wasn‟t a couple‟s apartment. But it was the summer term and we figured we could fly under the radar until September. If it lasted until September. I pushed that thought out of my head as quickly as it formed. Mike was a perfect match for me. We had met in Bangladesh on our field placements, both of us assigned to work in a camp set up to accommodate the ethnic Rohingya refugees who had fled neighboring Myanmar. The conditions in the camp had been appalling, yet the Rohingya residents still refused to return to their home country for fear of worse persecution. With the Bangladeshi government stepping up efforts to force the Rohingya out, the situation had been tense and emotionally draining. And in the middle of it, Mike and I had turned to each other. He was my first serious boyfriend since my split with Jacob last year. And while I knew I was nowhere near ready to settle down with anyone yet, Mike made me happy. We had so much in common. He was sweet, funny, cute ... utterly open with his emotions. There was nothing remotely dark or complex about Mike. Not like ... No. That part of my life is over. I would be 21 this fall ... I had helped bury dead bodies, survived a riot at a food distribution center and had endured a most hideous case of dysentery in Bangladesh. But it wasn‟t until September that the state of California thought I would be old enough to order a beer in a restaurant. Go figure. “Hey beautiful … you still with me?” Mike‟s teasing voice jerked me out of my reverie. The shower was running, and the bathroom was nice and steamy. He was already undressed. “Sorry,” I said, peeling off my shirt, sweaty from moving my meager possessions into our new little nest. My bra joined my shirt on the floor, and his bright blue eyes fixed on my breasts. I shrugged off a tiny brush of annoyance at the way he ogled me … he looked like a piggy little teenager when he stared at my tits like that. Mike was a tit-man, through and through. At the first sight of my bare breasts, his cock started to rise up out of the tangle of blonde pubic hair between his legs. I stepped out of my sweat pants and underwear, and headed toward the shower. He made a move to grab me, and I wiggled out of his grasp.

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“Shower first, dirty boy,” I said, smacking his bare butt. “Lots of time to play afterward.” By the time the water ran cold, we were both clean and horny – not surprising since we had spent a good portion of the shower washing one another‟s dirtiest parts very thoroughly. Mike wrapped me in a towel and carried me down the hallway to our bed. He pushed all the clothes on to the floor and tossed me into the middle of the comforter, slowly peeling the towel away from my body. “You‟re so beautiful,” he murmured, kneeling over top of me. He kissed me, letting his fingers run down my chest to circle my nipples. I moaned breathlessly as he touched me, feeling the warmth shooting down my body. His lips followed, and I arched my back into the sensation of his mouth caressing my sensitive flesh. True to form, Mike pushed my breasts together and buried his face between them for several minutes. But after all the foreplay in the shower, I didn‟t think I could wait much longer. “Make love to me,” I whispered, tugging on his spiky blonde hair. Mike surfaced, spread my thighs with his knees and pressed his erection into my wet folds. A moment later, he slid deep inside me, and both of us gasped with pleasure. He was no slouch in the loving department and it was not long before I could feel the orgasm starting to build between my legs. I closed my eyes, feeling the sensation growing. Orgasm was always like this for me. It was a warm pressure inside my body, pushing against my muscles, against his hard cock buried inside me. It was a persistent force, pushing against my mind. My eyes rolled back, concentrating on the feeling deep inside, chasing it. It built and built, getting closer with every stroke. The barriers in my mind trembled but held firm. I would win this time. “Oh God,” I moaned. “Oh God, oh God ... Mike, I‟m going to ...” “Come for me baby,” he panted above me. “Come, my Bella.” The feeling was rising, the pressure becoming unbearable. I had to let go, let it out ... let the walls down. I struggled against it as it got more and more powerful. I tried so hard to keep it back. But tonight ... like every other night ... I failed. And as my orgasm ripped through me, the walls in my mind shattered and the images poured in. I arched upward, screaming in pure pleasure. Mike‟s boyish countenance vanished. All I could see was the face of the man I once would have given anything to possess. And now would give anything to forget. For those brief moments as I climaxed, it was Edward Cullen above me. Edward‟s hands covering my breasts. Edward‟s hard length driving inside me, making me come, making me scream. Edward gasping above me, crying out my name and releasing into my body. No matter how hard I tried, it was always the same. He was always there in my mind in the moment of climax. No matter who was inside my body, it was Edward inside my mind. It was Edward inside my heart. No. I shoved that thought away furiously, reaching up to pull Mike into my waiting arms. I clung to him, whispering endearments into his ear, assuring him that I loved him and only him.

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“I know. I love you too, baby,” he murmured. Mike spooned against me, wrapping his arms around my body lovingly. He laid a string of warm kisses against my back and neck, then drifted off into post-coital slumber. Taking a deep breath, I rebuilt the walls in my mind, putting Edward back in his place where he belonged. He was a dear friend. My classmate. A teenage crush of epic proportions. Someone with an indefinable place in my heart. Someone from the past. There. That was better. I snuggled more closely into Mike‟s arms, sighed with happiness at being able to share a bed with this warm, sweet man – and fell asleep. ~~ - ~~ TPOV December 1999 I had been sitting at this dinner table for nearly two hours, and I was bored out of my mind. Not to mention horny as hell. Was it so much to ask that we go to bed? It would seem that it was. I snuck another glance at my watch. It was 22:30 ... considering we had been travelling all day, it seemed like a reasonable hour for us to retire to the bedroom. As thrilled as I was to be here, there was a limit to how much a girl could enjoy in a room full of people speaking a foreign language. That said, Edward‟s extended family had been more than gracious. All of them had gathered here, at his uncle‟s home, for dinner to welcome us to Arivistan. The house was full of dark-haired, dark-eyed people, a startling contrast to the rest of the Baltic‟s inhabitants. I made a mental note to ask Edward why ethnic Arivistanians were so dark when the rest of the northern European population was so fair. I was sure he would know the answer – he seemed to know everything else. I let my glance wander to my boyfriend, sitting to my right. He had a child in his lap, a different one than had been there not 10 minutes before. There were at least a dozen children in the house, from babies right up to teenagers, and all of them adored Edward. I was more than a little surprised to see how much he loved him in return. I had not pictured Edward as the paternal type. It was charming. But right now, I did not want charming. I wanted bed. And fucking. I had not had sex for nearly six months, and I was tired of waiting. If Edward hadn‟t been so willing to knuckle under to the ridiculous rules of the GYL program, we could have been having fun for weeks now. But no, he had so far kept our relationship to little more than kissing and touching. Tonight, I would have all of him. My stomach tightened in anticipation, and I decided it was time to make a move. I yawned. Very audibly. Edward‟s head instantly turned toward me, and he took my hand. “You are tired, Tanya?” he asked solicitously. The gentleman in him was so easy to manipulate. “Yes,” I said, looking at him with sleepy eyes. “It has been such a long day. Could you show me to our room, darling?”

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“Of course,” he said absently. “I apologize for keeping you up too late.” He slid the child off his lap, turned to his family and spoke briefly in Arivistanian. Then he led me upstairs to our bedroom. “We will sleep here,” he said, gesturing to the bedroom. “The bathroom is down the hallway, there. Is there anything further you require?” I smiled seductively, taking his wrist and pulling him up against me. “Yes, there is something further I require,” I replied, mocking his formal tone. “It is down here somewhere, in your pants. Will you help me find it?” For a moment, Edward‟s face looked odd ... almost indecisive. But the expression vanished so quickly I thought I must have imagined it. It was replaced with lust. He reached back and closed the bedroom door. Then his mouth was on mine, his hands moving over my body. I had expected his body to be as beautiful as his face. I had expected him to be adequate in bed, given that he was only 19. And I had expected him to be hungry for my body. I had not expected him to be such a considerate lover. This was saying something, considering I had lain with many men in my 21 years. Some of them far older and more experienced than Edward. But none of them was as unselfish as Edward, who was utterly focused on bringing me as much pleasure as possible. Which he was doing quite well. I had had two orgasms before he had even entered me and, once he did, he was proving to have much more stamina than the average 19-year-old. He was above me now, driving into me, hard as steel. I could feel my body starting to tense up once again, and Edward slipped a hand between us and stroked between my legs. Within seconds, I climaxed for the third time. I opened my eyes and saw Edward looking down at me with a smile on his full lips, clearly pleased that I was so satisfied. “You are fantastic,” I murmured to him, running my hand over his naked chest. “And now it is your turn. I want to feel you come inside me.” His eyes fluttered shut, and his pace picked up. His strokes were a little unsteady and he occasionally was too rough, but that was normal for such a young man. In a few years, he would be a fabulous lover. But for now, I owned him. All of him. Edward continued to thrust, and I could feel his penis twitching inside me, getting ready to release. But when I looked at him, his expression was not that of a man about to come. His eyes were squeezed shut, his brow furrowed, his teeth bared ... Edward looked pained. And angry. I reached up to touch his face, to soothe away some of that anger. But he flinched away, throwing his head back and grunting furiously at my touch. “Edward. Darling. It is all right,” I said, suddenly filled with uneasiness. “Let go, baby,” I said. At my words, his face seemed to relax a tiny bit. “Just let it go, let it go. It‟s okay now. Just let it all go,” I whispered. Confusion raced across his face, then vanished. His eyes opened and stared straight into mine. In that instant, I knew he was not seeing me at all. He thrust once, twice more, then his eyes rolled back into his head. An agonized cry escaped through his gritted teeth as his hips stiffened and he poured out inside me. He collapsed on to his forearms, panting. After a moment, he pulled out, threw the condom into the garbage and fell back on to the mattress. I watched him as he retreated inwardly and seemed to collect himself. Then he turned to me, the smile on his face not quite reaching his eyes. “That was wonderful, thank you,” he said, still breathless. He kissed me gently and moved to put his arms around me.

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“Just a moment, I‟ll be right back,” I said, pulling away from him. I went to the bathroom, cleaned my teeth and washed my face. When I returned, he was already asleep. I switched out the lights and slid into bed beside him. I lay beside him in the darkness, enjoying the soreness between my legs that came from being very thoroughly fucked by a man. Then I rolled over and closed my eyes. Just as I was drifting off, Edward said something quite clearly in Arivistanian. I didn‟t understand what he had said, although the words sounded familiar. “What?” I asked sleepily. There was no response. Talking in his sleep – that’s cute. ~~ - ~~ The next day, I watched him tossing one of his young nieces about in the living room as she shrieked with delight. Eventually her mother called for her daughter, and he put her down with a kiss, speaking to her in Arivistanian. I caught the same words that he had said in the bedroom last night. “What did you just call her?” I asked him curiously. Very unexpectedly, Edward flushed and looked at me like he had a bad conscience. “Nothing,” he said casually. “A little name, in Arivistanian.” “What name? Tell me,” I said coaxingly, batting my eyes at him. He could never resist that. “I called her mana mīla,” he said abruptly. “What does it mean?” I asked, wracking my brain to figure out where I‟d heard him say that before. “It is an endearment. It means „my love.‟” Edward quickly changed the subject, and the strange moment was forgotten. It was not until much later in the trip that I remembered that mana mīla was his pet name for Bella Swan. And realized that far from owning Edward Nariovski Cullen, I was actually standing in for another woman altogether. A woman he was too stubborn and too insecure to allow past his endless layers of defence. It was hard to tell which one of us was the bigger fool.

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Outtake – Honor

BPOV I heard the door of the apartment open just as I finished putting the last pins in my hair. Edward was home from the night shift, and I was getting ready to start my day. It had been like this for the last three months. And I hated it. Your soul mate is a doctor. A trauma physician. Suck it up, Bella. I headed down the hall, my heels clicking on the hardwood floors as I entered the kitchen. Edward had his back to me, leaning against the counter as he looked out the window at the Manhattan tree line. It was a Monday morning in July, and the city was in the grip of a miserable heat wave. Today looked like another scorcher; I'd turned the window air conditioning unit up to get the apartment as cool as possible for Edward's return. "Labrīt, Edvard," (Good morning, Edward) I said in Arivistanian. Edward turned to look at me. He was exhausted, still dressed in his hospital scrubs. His face was rough with stubble, the back of his scrubs drenched with sweat from another long, hot night in the emergency room at Harlem Hospital Center. Dr. Edward Nariovski Cullen. He had graduated near the top of his class at Harvard Medical School. GYL program graduate. Former staff of Doctors Without Borders. He could have opened a lucrative private practice catering to the Arivistanian population, or picked up any number of positions at hospitals throughout New York and the US. Instead, he had gone where the need was greatest - working as a trauma specialist in the ER at HHC. Every night, he served the people of Harlem and all Manhattan. Trauma cases from across the city - car accidents, falls, assaults, gunshot wounds - found their way to HHC. And to Edward. "Mana mīla," he said, crossing the kitchen in two long strides and kissing me tenderly on the forehead, trying not to get my business clothes sweaty ... or bloody. His fingers ghosted over my face as he looked at me longingly, a sharp reminder that I wasn't the only one who disliked our current reality. "How was your night?" I asked. Edward's days at the office were as harsh as mine - sometimes worse. "As usual," he said. "One shooting, two stabbings. A car fire." I poured him a cup of coffee, which he sipped gratefully. He wrinkled his nose in annoyance when he realized I was serving him decaf. "An assault, a woman about our age. Very violent. Her assailants mugged her for her belongings on the subway, on her way home late from the office. She may have resisted." He paused and took more coffee. "She did not survive the night. It was a devastation for her husband." His tone was brisk and unemotional. It had to be. "You are leaving for work now?" "Soon. I need to keep a pretty close eye on the situation in Sierra Leone, especially with Jasper and Alice there." Civil war had flared up once again in the capital city of Freetown; the Refugee Crisis International team had pulled back to Conakry in Guinea to be safe, but they wanted to get back on the ground as soon as possible. I sat down at the breakfast bar with my own cup of coffee - high octane, since I was just starting my day - while Edward propped himself against the counter. His reddish brown hair flopped over his closed eyes and he left it there, too tired to push it away. Even filthy, sweaty and clothed in scrubs, Edward was magnificent. I shifted restlessly on the barstool, trying to ignore the sudden ache between my thighs. Working on opposite shifts meant far too little alone time. "Jalen came back from his honeymoon," said Edward, opening his eyes. "He looked more tired than I do." Jalen Ford, one of his fellow ER doctors, had gotten married a couple of weeks ago to Keisha Valence, a staff radiologist; Edward and I had attended their wedding. "They had a wonderful time. It almost made me want to get married."

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"Bollocks," I said inelegantly. "You know as well as I do that we do not require a piece of paper or a minister to tell us we belong to one another. I am yours forever, beloved. As well you know." "I do know, mana mīla," he said in a low, sexy voice that made me worry for the state of my underwear. "But it is not natural for a woman to resist marriage as you have. Do you not wish to be my wife? Have a lavish wedding and receive much attention and many rich gifts? Share my bed as Mrs. Isabella Nariovski Cullen?" The erotic tingling that had been making its way from my belly to my upper body halted abruptly, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud at his last words. Naturally, Edward looked insulted, and I could tell I had offended him. "Of course I wish to share your bed ... and your life. I do so now, willingly! But I have no more interest than you do in the enormous wedding your mother so desires for us. And I would never, ever take your name." I drained my mug and put it down on the bar, ready to start my day. I started to stand, caught the look on Edward's face and stopped. "What is it? What have I said?" He still held his coffee cup and I could see the slight tremor in his hand. "You would „never, ever' take my name? What does this mean?" "It means exactly as it sounds. I would not change my name if we married." "Is there something wrong with the name Nariovski Cullen? You do not like it, perhaps?" Edward's voice was casual, and an observer might think nothing of it. I knew him better than I knew my self. I was on unexpectedly dangerous ground. "I like it very much, Edward. But I'm rather fond of my name as well, and I don't want to give it up. It's my name. It's who I am." I stood up, put my mug in the sink and turned to give him a kiss. Edward's eyes were dark with sullen anger. Great. Pissed that I don't want to change my last name in the unlikely event we ever get married. I am SO not dealing with this now. "Have a good day, Edward," I said, stepping away. "I will see you tonight, usual time." I started walking to the door when he spoke. "Stop," he said in a very low voice. "I am not finished." I turned and looked at him. "Well, I am," I replied shortly. "I'm not having this foolish argument as I'm walking out the door to go to work. It's entirely moot since we both agreed months ago that marriage was not necessary between us. So I'm done." I took three steps to the kitchen door and heard a sharp snapping sound, following the crash of breaking crockery. Edward had gripped the handle of the mug hard enough to snap it off, sending it flying into the sink where it shattered. "I. Am. Not. FINISHED!" he roared so loudly that I flinched back. His eyes were dark green stone. "Do not brush me aside, Isabella. Do not belittle my beliefs, and do NOT walk away from me!" Ah, the Nariovski rage. Well, two could play at this game. I was in no mood.

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"Piss off," I snapped. "You already own my heart and body completely. How much more of me would you seek to possess? Tell me, Edward, would you be happier if I quit my job? Stayed home and cooked your meals, bore you sons? Would you be satisfied then?" I could hear him suck in a breath of shock, his lips pulling back from his teeth. "You speak as a foolish woman, full of exaggeration and false logic," he snarled. "I have never sought to control you, although I probably should. Instead, I have offered you the honor of the Nariovksi name - and you throw it back in my face! How else do you expect me to feel other than insulted?" "Oh, you did NOT just say that!" I shouted in disbelief. "Did you actually say „the honor of the Narvioski name?' Did I actually hear that?" I couldn't remember the last time I had been this incensed with him. "Yes," he said through gritted teeth, his knuckles white as he clenched the sides of the counter. "Honor. Something you seem to know less about than I had once believed." Well, that was a low blow. "You spend far too much time thinking about your honor - and your overblown pride - and far too little time engaged in intelligent thought." At this, he spat out a string of colorful invectives in Arivistanian. "See?" I taunted. "Is this how you honor me, Edward? By cursing at me in the vernacular?" Edward's face went bone white with rage, and he launched into a rant of epic proportion and significant volume. He was in full flight now, and it wasn't my intent to hang around. I rolled my eyes, turned my back and walked out of the kitchen. "Where are you going?" he demanded, forced to switch gears and follow me down the hall. "To work," I replied, checking my purse for my transit pass. Now that we lived in Manhattan, I had a much easier commute than my previous one from Brooklyn. "Away from you and your childish fit of temper." I slung my laptop bag and purse over my shoulder, checked my hair in the hall mirror to ensure it had not started to slip out of its bun, and grabbed the keys from the hook. I glanced at him, seeing fury playing across his features. And underneath, something else. Something odd. I paused for a second, thrown off guard, then turned back to the door. "Do not walk out that door, Isabella," he said. I could hear it in his voice. Fear. Edward was frightened. For me. The woman who died last night. Mugged and assaulted on the subway - probably for items of far lesser value than those I had tossed carelessly over my shoulder. "Just try to stop me," I replied without turning around so he couldn't see the tiny glint of excitement in my eyes. He moved faster than I ever dreamed possible. Abruptly, I was against the door, every inch of his body pressing against mine from behind. My laptop and purse were on the floor at my feet. He held me there, immobilized, in total silence. There was no way I could physically escape; Edward was extremely strong. He was also very angry and possessive in this moment. And we were fighting - passionately. It could only mean one thing.

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I could feel Edward's cock growing harder and harder in his pants. In seconds, his erection was pushing insistently at my backside, and my body instantly responded. The feel of it - the feel of him - nearly drove me insane with wanting. My wet panties clung to my aching sex. I knew if I told him I was even the slightest bit uncomfortable, he would instantly release me. I didn't want him to do any such thing. Edward's head came down to just behind my ear, his warm breath brushing over my neck and making me shudder with desire. "Are you going to reconsider your stance on the taking of my name when we marry?" he whispered seductively. "No," I snapped, trying very hard not to grind my ass against his monster erection. He tsked softly. "You are a defiant, disobedient woman." "Yes." "You are mine," he said triumphantly. "As you are mine," I responded, tossing my head. "Even without your glorious fucking name." A moment later, I was down on the floor, flat on my back in the front hallway. I wasn't entirely sure how I'd gotten there and frankly didn't care. It had not hurt at all, although I was a bit winded when he came down on top of me. He had both my wrists trapped above my head in seconds. My hairpins scattered as he pulled my hair loose. Then his hand hovered at the open neckline of my blouse. "Mine," he whispered, yanking my blouse open, shredding the delicate fabric with ease. I was distantly aware that I had lost yet another piece of clothing to our tempestuous love life, but at the moment, all I cared about was having his hands and mouth on my body. He reached into my lacy bra and released one of my breasts, fastening his mouth on to my nipple and sucking ferociously. At the feel of his lips and tongue working my sensitive tip, I let out a scream. His heavy cock twitched against my thigh at the sound. "Oh God," I moaned, writhing under his touch. "I need you so bad, Edward. Right now." "Have you changed your mind then, mana mīla?" he murmured, digging into the other side of my bra to ravage that nipple. I thrust my hips up to rub against him, but he pulled himself just out of reach. "No," I moaned. "I won't change my mind." "So stubborn," he grunted. "So stubborn, yet so very desirable." His fingers and tongue played relentlessly with my swollen nipples until I was on the brink of orgasm. He stopped, and I wailed with frustration. Edward got up on his knees, still straddling me. In one swift movement, he pulled down his scrubs and shorts, baring his erection. He stroked himself a couple of times, then laughed, watching my eyes bug out of my head at the sight of him pleasing himself. "Do you see something you like, my Bella?" he teased. "Yes," I said evenly. "Perhaps there's something here you'd like to see as well." Once I knew I had his attention, I reached down and pulled my skirt to my hips. I wasn't wearing any pantyhose because of the heat, and I impatiently pushed my underwear out of the way. Then let out a sigh of relief as I rubbed my aching sex.

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Edward took one look and pounced. A moment later, my hand was knocked out of the way, my underwear was on the other side of the hallway in shreds, and his rock-hard cock positioned at my entrance. "You are mine," he ground out. "Mine. Only mine." "Yes," I said, looking straight into his furious eyes. "Only yours. Forever." I reached up and cupped his face tenderly. "You will not lose me, beloved. You will never, ever lose me. You never have." He stared at me for a second, then plunged inside me. I felt my eyes roll up into my head as he filled me up all the way. We stayed that way for a moment, then I reached out my arms and brought him down to me. With a little cry, his lips captured mine, and he began to thrust slowly into me. All our fury was gone, leaving only the unending love and passion that was the two of us. "I love you, mana mīla," he whispered against my lips. "I do not care if we ever get married or if you take my name. As long as you are safe and happy and in my arms, this is all that matters." "I will always be with you," I panted. "And I will ... oh God, Edward, oh ... OH!" My sudden orgasm took both of us by surprise, sweeping through me before Edward even had time to really get down to business. He watched my face as I came, and I could feel him getting even bigger and harder inside me. "Does getting fucked on the floor of the front hallway in your business attire excite you?" he purred, angling himself upward a bit to hit my sweet spot bang on. "Do you like that people are walking by outside the door, knowing that I am pleasing you so much that it makes you scream?" He began to thrust harder, and my body started winding up again. "Yes, I love it. I love it when you fuck me. I love you. I ... I ... oh God, you're making me come again. Only you can do this to me, Edward. Only ... you ... unnnhhh!" My head fell back and rapped against the hardwood floor as I came for the second time around his cock. My muscles spasmed violently, and Edward lost control, shouting with excitement as he exploded into my body. For a long moment, we lay in the hallway, panting. Then Edward slipped out of me and rolled off, landing on the floor with a thump. I pushed myself up on my elbows and surveyed the damage. "That's the third good shirt of mine you've ruined this summer alone," I observed without heat. "I've lost count of all the underwear you've destroyed." "I overheard the nurses saying that the sales are good this summer," remarked Edward, lying flat on his back. Without getting up, he toed off his running shoes and socks, and finally managed to remove his pants. I watched in amusement as he wiggled his seven toes vigorously. "I'll have to go shopping then," I said, unzipping my skirt and removing it. I gave it a shake and held it up for inspection. It was wrinkled and had a rather conspicuous semen stain on the back. We looked at each other and giggled like teenagers. "I'm going to change." I glanced at my watch and groaned. "They're all going to know why I'm late, too." "Yes," Edward said unrepentantly with a grin. "I believe you have what Alice calls the „freshly fucked' look." I smacked him on the side of the head, and he laughed. Then suddenly went serious again. "Bella," he said. "You know that I worry. I cannot help myself." "I know, my love." I thought for a moment. "I will not carry a gun, even for you. But I could get pepper spray for my purse. Would that make you more comfortable?"

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"It would," he said, surprised by my rather quick surrender on this issue. "And you must promise me that you will not refuse if someone threatens to take your things. Your laptop, Blackberry, iPod - these can be replaced. You cannot be replaced, and I cannot live without you. Do not give these criminals a reason to hurt you. Please. You will do this for me." I nodded, and his face relaxed a little. Sensing an advantage, Edward pressed forward. "Now ... about the other issue. The name." My Blackberry chose this moment to start ringing loudly in my purse, and I crawled over and fished it out. "Hi, Cheryl. No, I haven't left for work yet; I was just walking out the door. What's up?" I listened to our office manager for a moment. "Oh God, no ... it's been out all weekend? Send everyone home. It must be an oven in there. No, I've got a sat phone here; if they need anything, they'll call." We chatted for a few minutes more, then I remembered I was on my hands and knees, naked except for my bra, in the middle of the front hallway. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Edward struggling out of his shirt. His eyes were locked on my bare bottom, and he was making a remarkable recovery from our earlier escapade. "OK, I gotta go. I want everyone out of there and into cooler locations - if they don't have air at home, they should go hang out in a mall or a water park all day. Yup. Uhhuh. Just call me if you need anything. Bye." "What happened?" asked Edward. "The air conditioning failed in the building over the weekend, and the office is well over 100 degrees. I told Cheryl to close up and send everyone home. I'll turn on the satellite phone here in case anything happens in Conakry." Edward rose gracefully to his feet and pulled me up by the hand. "And what of the name?" he whispered. "It means a great deal to me. Will you not consider it?" His hair had fallen over his eyes again, and I smoothed it back. "Yes, I will consider it. Although the prospect of spending the rest of my life spelling „Nariovski' to people holds little appeal. But I will think about." I paused, feeling my heart overflowing with love for him. "You know that I love you beyond reason, do you not?" Edward's face lit up with delight. He reached behind me and flicked the clasp of my bra open. He tossed my last piece of clothing to the floor. "There. That is better," he said. "You need to stay cool in this heat." He reached for my breasts, but I slapped his hands away. "Stop it. Shower first. You smell like a goat. Then you need to eat something - you probably haven't eaten all night. And then you need to sleep. This is your night time, remember?" "Fine," he said, picking me up and heading back down the hallway. "We can take a shower together. A long one. And then I will eat. I have something very specific in mind for my dinner, mana mīla. And then we will negotiate on the sleeping part." "Damn it, Edward ..." Against impossible odds, we continued to make it work. FIN

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Tit For Tat, Ch 25 Extra BPOV Our mouths connected. I scraped my teeth over his full bottom lip, then sucked it into my mouth. He had the world‟s sexiest mouth – kissing him was better than sex with any other man in the world. Edward picked me up and put me down in his lap, his hands all over my body. A moment later, the t-shirt I had thrown on earlier was off, and his mouth was making its way down my bare chest. He licked my nipple stiff and suckled on it until I was panting. Then he switched to the other one. His cock was already hard, and Edward was rubbing it against me, sending heat shooting through my body. Abruptly, he sat up, pushing me backward on to the bed, and buried his face between my thighs. I rubbed myself against his mouth, feeling my climax rising quickly in my pelvis. But as abruptly as he started, he stopped and sat back up again. “Enough teasing for one day,” I ground out, still lying on my back with my legs spread open to him. “Indeed,” he said in agreement. “Do you remember what I did this morning while you watched?” “Fuck, yes,” I said, shivering at the thought. “Now you do the same. Finish yourself off while I watch. I want to see you pleasure yourself,” he purred. Equal parts of excitement and fear rushed through me, making me even needier. “But I‟ve … never done that before … in front of anyone else,” I whispered, blushing wildly. “But you want to,” he said in a dangerously seductive voice. “And it will drive me mad with desire. You know it will.” He slowly reached over and took my right hand, dragging it down the length of my body and interlacing our fingers. Slowly, he slipped our two fingers up and down my opening, tracing tiny circles around my swollen clit. Then he pulled his hand away and allowed me to continue on my own. At first, I couldn‟t look at him while I did it – I was too embarrassed. But after a few moments, the sensations became very pleasurable, and curiosity drove me to open one eye to peek at him. Edward‟s eyes were fixed on my hand slowly moving between my thighs. His cock was huge and hard, and he was stroking it lightly. I reached out with my foot and pushed his hand firmly off his penis. “Mine. No touching,” I ordered him breathlessly. “Only looking. Hands behind your back.” I saw his erection twitch visibly at this injunction. His hands vanished behind his back, and mine went back to work. The sight of his very aroused cock right in front of me was driving me nuts. My hips started to move of their own accord as I ran my finger up and down over my nerves. I let my fingers drift down to my entrance, and dip inside. Edward gasped – very loudly – at the sight, and I decided to do it again. “Oh God,” he moaned, and the sound went right to my clit. I nearly came right there, but managed to hold back. “You like it when I do that?” I panted. Edward nodded, and I could see the tip of his dick was wet with anticipation. “You want more?” He nodded again, swallowing thickly. With a smile, I pushed two fingers inside my body, and ran my fingers up across the sweet spot inside my body. Everything in my lower body clenched. I pressed my palm against my clit hard. And exploded, screaming Edward‟s name as the spasms ripped through me.

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Before my orgasm had faded, he was on top of me. “Please?” he asked breathlessly. I nodded and pulled my fingers out of my body. His hard cock immediately slammed into me, sending me up over the top once more. He thrust two or three times, then cried out helplessly in relief as he released into me. Edward‟s arms were shaking as he withdrew and lowered himself down beside me, panting. Then his warm mouth suddenly nuzzled into my neck, leaving a trail of sweet kisses up to my ear. “Now, mana mīla,” he whispered. “Now do you see how much I desire you? How much I love you? You are the only woman. The only one.”

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