/var/log symlinked to /dev/null

10,000 Nagios alerts per second

3-hour standups

A 2400 baud modem

A 3.5" floppy disk

A 500-megabyte UDP packet

A 75-tier architecture

A Cisco router with a flaky chip

A CORBA service written in Ada which communicates using JSONx

A cron job that reboots the server every 5 minutes

A custom kernel with Frontpage Extensions installed

A customized .fvwmrc

A former MENSA member

A Github Outage

A global write lock

A home-rolled systemd replacement

A JAR full of spaghetti

A mobile web 2.0 RIA

A Null-modem cable

A Piñata full of error messages

A proof that P=NP written in BASIC

A Scrum Master

A self-aware PHP script

A shared root password

A Snowflake server

A squirrel with a taste for fiber

A turducken made entirely of bash scripts

A Volker-Craig terminal

A WSDL from 2003

Agony-Driven Development

An angry badger with an electromagnet on its back

An army of chaos monkeys, all carrying flamethrowers

An epic caffeine bender

An Exchange email loop

An untested restore process

Apache 1.2 running as root

Apache Zookeeper on a 286

Being acquired by Oracle

Brogrammers

Bullshit.io

Business logic in PowerPoint slides

CAP Theorem

Catastrophic Failure as a Service

Cloud 2.0

Cloud-based business strategy

Command-line magic

Continuous Disintegration

Continuous integration

Copypasta

COTS Shareware

Degraded performance in some AWS availability zones

Developers

DevOps

DevOps Days

Digital Ocean

done done

Eating sushi with Andrew Clay Shafer

Edward Snowden

EFnet in the 90s

Epoch time in milliseconds

FileMaker Instant Web Publishing

fuckedcompany.com

Functional programming

Git

Golang

Growth hacking

Hacker News

Hand-crafted artisanal x86 assembly code

Heartbleed

Hypervisors running hypervisors running hypervisors

IE6

Larry Ellison

Leaky abstractions

LinkedIn

Magic Smoke

Maven downloading the entire internet

Meritocracy

MongoDB

More buzzwords than you can shake a scrum at

Mutation of immutable data

Netscape Navigator 3.2 support

Node.js

NoOps

NoSQL

NPM

NullPointerException: null

O'Reilly

OpenSSL

Our Release Engineer

PagerDuty configured with a random number generator

Pareto Inefficient Nash Equilibriums

Parsing HTML with regex

Patent

Perl 6

Posting on Etsy's codeascraft blog

Private keys in /var/www

Python

Python datetime module

Rebasing the entire fucking repo

RecruiterFail

Ruby

Running out of IPv4 addresses

Sadness as a Service

Shift-Ctrl-F12-\

Stack trace generator

Sysadmins

Tech Recruiters

The Cult of Mac

The last remaining Multics server on Earth

The next Y2K

The NSA

The Sales & Marketing department

The Stanford of Canada

The world's only fullyfunctional ROFLcopter

Thought leadership

Twitter

Unicode errors

Unknown source in your stack trace

uucp

VisualBasic DLLs

Waiting for console.aws.amazon.co m...

Web scale

Windows XP

Women in tech

Write-only code

Yet another package manager

Zombie processes