"Grand" Expectations: The Experiences of Grandparents and Adult Grandchildren Author(s): Candace L. Kemp Source: Canadian Journal of Sociology / Cahiers canadiens de sociologie, Vol. 29, No. 4 (Autumn, 2004), pp. 499-525 Published by: Canadian Journal of Sociology Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/3654708 Accessed: 28/09/2008 11:47 Your use of the JSTOR archive indicates your acceptance of JSTOR's Terms and Conditions of Use, available at http://www.jstor.org/page/info/about/policies/terms.jsp. JSTOR's Terms and Conditions of Use provides, in part, that unless you have obtained prior permission, you may not download an entire issue of a journal or multiple copies of articles, and you may use content in the JSTOR archive only for your personal, non-commercial use. Please contact the publisher regarding any further use of this work. Publisher contact information may be obtained at http://www.jstor.org/action/showPublisher?publisherCode=cjs. Each copy of any part of a JSTOR transmission must contain the same copyright notice that appears on the screen or printed page of such transmission. JSTOR is a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 to build trusted digital archives for scholarship. We work with the scholarly community to preserve their work and the materials they rely upon, and to build a common research platform that promotes the discovery and use of these resources. For more information about JSTOR, please contact [email protected].

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"Grand"Expectations:The Experiencesof Grandparentsand Adult Grandchildren* CandaceL. Kemp

Abstract:Within the context of social and demographicchange and in dialogue with theories of individualizationandtheconceptofintergenerationalambivalence,thispaperexploresthe existence of normative"grand"role expectationsamonggrandparentsandadultgrandchildren.The datafrom qualitativelife-historyinterviewswith both generations(n=37) indicatethatwhile sometimes proscriptiveratherthanprescriptive,thereareidentifiable,albeitgeneral,normativebehavioralexpectationsassociatedwithbothfamilialroles.Accordingto bothgenerations'accounts,theseexpectations are instructive and provide a general framework as individuals negotiate and evaluate their interactionsandrelationshipswith one another.Placed withina widersocial context,these expectations reflect and reinforcecultural emphasis on personal freedom and independence,as well as prevailingsocial discoursesrelatingto youth, old age and family life. Resum : Dans un contexte de changementsocial et demographiqueet de dialogue relatif aux th6ories de l'individualisationet du concept de l'ambivalence entre les generations, cet article explore l'existence d'attentes<du r61ede grands-parentschez les grands-parentset les petits-enfantsadultes:Les donneesprovenantd'entrevuesqualitativessurles cycles de vie avec les deux generations(n=37) indiquentque, bien qu'il s'agisse souvent de proscriptionsplut6tque de prescriptions, il existe bel et bien des attentesnormativesidentifiables,quoique gen6rales,en

*

A version of this paperwas presentedat the CanadianAssociation on Gerontology32"'Annual ScientificandEducationalMeetingin Toronto,Ontario.Thisresearchwas supportedby aSocial Science andHumanitiesResearchCouncil(SSHRC)of CanadaDoctoralFellowship2002-2003 (752-2002-1028) andthe Social andEconomic Dimensions of an Aging Populationprogram of research- a SSHRCfundedMajorCollaborativeResearchInitiativeproject,Byron Spencer, Project Director. Thank you to Carolyn Rosenthal, Jane Aronson, GrahamKnight, Joshua Greenberg, Sean Hier and LauraHurd Clarke for their input and feedback throughout the researchand writingprocesses. Thankyou also to Nico Stehrand the three CJS reviewers for their helpful comments and suggestions.

CanadianJournalof Sociology/Cahierscanadicnsde sociologie 29(4) 2(X)4

499

500 CanadianJournalof Sociology mati6rede comportement des deux relativement auxdeuxr6lesfamiliaux.Selonles t6moignages ces attentess'av6rentr6velatrices aux et foumissentun cadregeneralpermettant generations, l'unavecl'autre. individusdenegocieret d'6valuer les interactions et relationsqu'ilsentretiennent Vudansun contextesocialpluslarge,ces attentestraduisent culturelle et renforcent l'importance de la libert6et ind6pendance ainsiqueles discourssociauxdominanten mati6rede personnelle jeunes,d'aindset de la vie de famille.

Introduction Increasing longevity in Western societies has created the opportunity for grandparentsand grandchildrento negotiate their relationships with one anotherand to know one anotherfor historically unprecedentedamounts of time (Hagestad,1988;Uhlenberg,1993). In fact, most grandparentsand grandchildrenwill experienceat least twenty yearsof intergenerationaloverlap, and in many cases their lives will overlap for thirty, possibly even forty years or more (Kemp,2003a; Uhlenberg& Kirby,1998). These demographictrendsare well established in the literature,yet the roles and behaviors of grandparents and adult grandchildrenand the wider sociological significance of their interactionshave received insufficient scholarly attention. Against the backdropof social and demographic change and within the context of emerging sociological debates pertainingto individualization, as well as the concept of intergenerationalambivalence, this paper is concerned relawith the demographically"new"phenomenonof grandparent-grandchild tionshipsthat involve two generationsof adults (ratherthan one of adults and one of children). Drawing on qualitativelife history interviews (n=37) conducted in an urban,industrialcity in Southern Ontario, this paper explores grandparents'and adult grandchildren'sperceptions of their family roles, examining what, if any, normativeprescriptiveand proscriptiveexpectations members of each generation have of the other and of themselves. It also considers how the presence or absence of behavioral expectations guides interactions, enters into the negotiation of grandparent-adultgrandchildties and sheds light on the characterof contemporaryfamily life, intergenerational relationshipsand obligations. First, however, the paper examines theories of individualizationand the concept of intergenerationalambivalence and their potential application to grand roles. These family roles are then considered within the context of existing researchon "grand"relationships. "Grand"Roles and Individualization The roles of grandparentand adult grandchild, as well as the relationships between the two generationsare of particularsociological interest as they are demographicallynew social phenomena that are being negotiated within a broadercontext of social, demographic and economic transformations.In-

andAdultGrandchildren 501 TheExperiencesof Grandparents creasinglife expectancyanddecreasingfertilityareoccurringalong side, often in response to changing gender roles, patterns of work, marriage, divorce, cohabitationandremarriage,as well as technologicaladvances(Beaujot,2000; Milan, 2000). These shifts arecreatingnew, diversepatternsof family life and call into question how family life is constituted and how family roles are defined and understood. Seeking to explicate these changes, Beck (1999, 2002), Beck-Gernsheim (2002) and Giddens (1994) have put forth the theory of individualization, which has potential implications for the identification of grand roles. The individualizationthesis drawsanalytic attentionto processes of individualization - a structuralconcept related to the welfare state - treatedin conjunction with globalization.This perspective highlights shifts in gender relations, labourmarketsandindustrialandcommercialeconomies as well as technological advancements,linking them to the changing nature of dependencies in which individuals' lives are embedded. The theory assumes that traditional social relationships(e.g. the family) and value systems thatonce defined individuals' lives have lost much of their traditionalmeanings and determinism. As individuals are freed from the constraintsof tradition, new possibilities exist for shaping individuallives and relationships.Relative to the past, men and women are more free to explore new lifestyle options. This freedom is particularlyapparentin the lives of youngergenerations.Beck (1998) refers to this phenomenonas the "biographizationof youth"which not only enjoins, but demandsthat younger generationsdefine their identities and life course paths and actively seek to design lives of their own. Moreover, Beck (1999:9) suggests that the loosening of traditionis transpiring in a Western context where "theetfic of individualself-fulfilment and achievement"has become a powerful current. The theory of individualizationalso highlights the fact that individuals' lives are embedded in wider social institutions,including the labour market, educationalsystem andthe welfarestate. Rights, entitlementsandresponsibilities associatedwith these institutionsarelargely designedfor individualsrather than the family. Most entitlements assume employment and, by corollary, education.Both presupposemobility, which in many instances, forces people away from their families and other established ties (Beck 2001; BeckGernsheim,2002). The very natureof this institutionalizedindividualism can create contradictionsand tensions for individuals as they attemptto balance familial roles with otherroles and responsibilitiesin their lives. With the loosening of tradition,a growing emphasis on self-fulfilment and the challenges posed by institutionalizedindividualism,the question of how grandparentsandgrandchildrennegotiatetheirrelationshipsandroles becomes of increasinginterest.If or how these social conditions enter into the negotiation of grandties remainsgenerallyunaddressedin the sociological literature

502 CanadianJournalof Sociology on family life. Presumably,each generationis requiredto improvisetheirroles situationallywith little guidance from well-established normativebehavioral expectations. IntergenerationalAmbivalence grandchildties are of furthersociological interest in light Grandparent-adult of recent scholarly exchanges in the area of intergenerationalrelationships (Bengtson, Giarrusso, Mabry & Silverstein, 2002; Connidis & McMullin, 2002a, 2002b; Curran,2002, Liischer,2002). In general, two approacheshave dominatedthe study of intergenerationalfamily life: 1) the solidarity model which emphasizesconsensus between generations;and 2) a problem-centered approachwhich emphasizes the negative aspects of family life such as elder abuse or caregiver burden(Liischer& Pillemer, 1998). While not dismissing the presence of solidarityor denying the negative dimensions of family life, these approacheshave been faulted for their inability to captureboth positive andnegativedimensionsandthe contradictionsandtensionsinherentin family life and relationships (Lischer & Pillemer, 1998; Connidis & McMullin, 2002a, 2002b). Building on earlier formulationsof sociological ambivalence (e.g. Coser, 1966; Merton& Barber, 1963), Liischer& Pillemer (1998:416) have put forth the concept of "intergenerationalambivalence"as an alternativeapproachto studying intergenerationalrelationships;this concept designates "contradictions in relationships between parents and adult offspring that cannot be reconciled."Intergenerationalambivalencecan arisefromcontradictionsat the structurallevel taking the form of, for example, competing demands or roles expectations.At the individual,subjectivelevel, ambivalence can include the co-existence of positive and negative emotions. According to Ltischer (2002:589), "the structuringof intergenerationalrelationshipsamong adultsis likely to demanddealing with ambivalences." Connidis & McMullin's (2002a; 2002b) work on ambivalence and family ties emphasizes the structurally created contradictions and tensions that individualsencounteras they negotiatetheirrelationships.In theirwork, social structurerefersto "setsof social relationsbasedon class, age, gender,race and ethnicity that produce lasting inequality in society" (2002a: 600). As they suggest, these sets of relations are embedded in social institutions. Consequently,they influence the normsand expectationsthat shape the distribution of responsibilitywithin families. Family relationshipsare largely productsor reflections of existing structuralarrangements,yet it remains to be seen how structuralrelations (including processes of individualization)shape the distributionof resources and the allocation of responsibilitywithin adult grand relationships. Given grandparents'and grandchildren'sdiffering locations

TheExperiencesof Grandparents andAdultGrandchildren 503 within the social structureand in the life course, the potential for intergenerationalambivalenceexists. Research on "Grand"Ties In terms of what is known about grandties, family scholars generally agree that demographicand social change have created extreme heterogeneity in grandparent-grandchildrelationships (Bengtson, 1985). Perhaps reflecting processes of individualization,this variationis largely attributableto the fact that"thereis no single 'grandparentrole"' (Giarrusso,Silverstein& Bengtson, 1996:20). Ranging from remote and detached to highly influential, the documented grandparentingstyles, types and degrees of involvement with grandchildrenare highly variable(see Cherlin& Furstenberg,1986; Mueller, Wilhelm & Elder, 2002; Spence et al., 2001). In light of the extreme heterogeneity associated with grandparenting,"the question remains whether the grandparentrole is so amorphousand individuatedthat no generalizationscan be drawnor whetherthe role, however, diverse, has identifiable and recognizable forms"(Silverstein, Giarrusso& Bengtson, 1998:150). Despite diversity, scholars have identified appropriategrandparenting behaviors,such as being a family historian,mentor,role model, nurturer(e.g. Kornhaber& Woodward, 1981) or "family watchdog"(Troll, 1983), as well as inappropriatebehaviors,includinginterferingin younger generations'lives (Aldous, 1995; Johnson, 1983). In general, the role has been described as governedby weak(Troll, 1985), proscriptive(Johnson,1983) andoften contradictorynorms(Aldous, 1995). These descriptionscan be linked to the fact that relative to parent-childties, there are fewer perceived obligations of support (Rossi & Rossi 1990) and there is consequently, greaterfreedom in defining relationshipsbetween grandparentsand grandchildren(Connidis, 2001). The ambiguity or lack of clear definition surroundingthe grandparentgrandchildrelationshipis presumedto become even more apparentas both generationsage andthe grandchildenters adulthood(Hodgson, 1998). In fact, young adult grandchildrenarticulatefew clear expectations regardingwhat roles they feel their grandparentsshould play in their lives (Roberto& Stroes, 1992;Roberston,1976). Researchindicatesthatsome adultgrandrelationships involve the provisionof instrumentalassistance(Langer, 1990; Roberto,Allen & Blieszner, 2001), cultural transmission(Wiscott & Kopera-Frye,2000), sharing of family history (Kennedy, 1990) and friendship (Kemp, 2002; 2003b). To this point, however,the identificationof normativebehavioralrole expectations, particularlyfor adultgrandties, remainselusive. This research examines what, if any, normative behavioral expectations guide grandparentsand adult grandchildrenas they negotiate their relationships. What expectations do they have? And, what do their accounts reveal

504 CanadianJournalof Sociology

about the nature of contemporary family life and the concept of intergenerational ambivalence? Determining how and under what conditions grandparentsand adult grandchildrenmake sense of their roles and relationships is sociologically imperative. Achieving a subjective understandingof these roles will not only advance scholarly knowledge of the "new" grandparent-adultgrandchildrelationship,doing so will also reveal practices and processes that constitute present-dayfamilial and personalrelationships,cast empirical light on the theory of individualization,as well as the concept of ambivalence and will add subjectivity and experience to the structurednotion of individualizationas it applies to family relations. The Grandparent-adult Grandchild Study The data are drawn from a wider study aimed at understandinggrandparentadult grandchildrelationshipsfrom the perspectives of both generations (see Kemp, 2003b). Theoretically and methodologically, this project was underpinned by an approachcombining assumptionsof life-course and interpretive perspectives. Seeking to give analyticattentionto the temporalembeddedness of social life and relationships, as well as the interconnectednessof family members' lives (see Giele & Elder, 1998), I employed a life-course approach in the form of retrospectivelife-history interviews. This approachfacilitates the identification of continuity and change over time and the connections between individual,familial andhistoricalcontexts. The researchalso drew on tenets of interpretivesociology (see Marshall,1996, 1999) in orderto capture the subjectiveexperiences,meaningsandnegotiationprocessesassociatedwith being grandparentsand adultgrandchildren.Approachingthe researchinductively and in an ethnographicfashion, I conducted in-depth, semi-structured qualitative interviews. As the sole interviewer,I sought to achieve "intimate familiarity"(see Lofland, 1976) with the perspectivesof bothgrandparentsand adult grandchildrenin their family roles. Withregardto sampling,the samplewas purposiveandone of convenience, consisting of grandparentswith one or more grandchildrenaged 21 years or over, and grandchildrenwith one or more living grandparents.Participants were self-selected from an urban,industrialcity in SouthernOntario and its surroundingareas. Grandparentsand adult grandchildrenvolunteered after learning of the researchproject throughads posted on the university website (n=4) and in local public libraries(n=4), as well as throughcommunity contacts (n=16) andotherparticipants(n=13).' Overall, 15 grandmothers,3 grand-

1. It shouldbe statedthattherewas an overwhelming processes. responseto the recruitment Presumablythis indicatesthat individualswantedto talk abouttheirgrandparent-adult Inmostcases,as willbe seen,interestwasexpressedbecauseof the grandchild relationships.

TheExperiencesof Grandparents andAdultGrandchildren 505 fathers, 10 granddaughtersand9 grandsonsparticipatedfor a total of 37 qualitativelife-historyinterviews.Foursame-familydyadsparticipatedin thestudy.2 The interviewslasted between 1 and 4 hours.In keeping with a life-course approach, interviews with both generations explored the history of each fromearliestmemory grandparent-adult retrospectively, grandchildrelationship to accounts of the present.3 Use of an interpretive approach meant that questionswereopen-endedanddesignedto exploresubjectivityandencourage participantsto identify the themes and issues they deemed of personalimportance. Interviewsexamined,for example, the frequencyand natureof interactions, feelings of closeness, the meanings of relationships, continuity and change over time as well as similaritiesand differenceswithin families and by relationship.4 Alreadyintimatelyfamiliarwith the data,aftertranscription,I readthe transcriptsmultipletimes andthematicallyanalyzedthe interviewswith the assistance of NUD*IST.5For present purposes, the data were taken from participants' accounts of grandparentand grandchildroles, including expectations they have of themselves and their relationshippartner(s)and any reflections they articulatedregardingwhat constitutes "good"and/or"bad"grandbehaviors andrepresentthe coding category,"'Grand'Expectations"along with its subcategoriesrelatingto the expectations associated with each generation. Selected sample characteristicsappearin Table 1. Grandparentsranged in age from 67 to 91 yearsandeach hadan averageof approximately6 grandchildren, including 3 adult grandchildren.The younger generationranged in age from 21 to 36 years. The majorityhad more than one living grandparent.In terms of geographicproximity,most participantshad at least one grandparent or grandchildwho lived in the same city or was within a one hour drive. The

2.

3.

4. 5.

Theimagesemergingfromtheseaccountscan,to positivenatureof participants' experiences. a certainextentbe assumedto represent best-casescenarios. anda methodological concernregarding Owingto geography possiblereluctance participants' to openlydisclose'information wasalsobeinginterviewed, in instanceswherea familymember noattempt wasmadetoactivelyrecruitgrandparents fromthesamefamilies. andgrandchildren The4 same-family theirown recruiting dyadsappearin thestudyas a resultof participants recruitedtheir grandchildrenand 2 Two grandparents family membersto participate. and recruited theirgrandparents. Inthesame-family grandchildren dyadaccounts,grandparents adultgrandchildren inverysimilarways,whichprovidesevidence discussedtheirrelationships thegenerallypositivenatureof thetie (seeKemp,2003b). regarding butparticular attention Participants spokeaboutalloftheirgrandparent-grandchild relationships, waspaidto thegrandparent-adult theywereinvolvedin atthetimeof relationships grandchild theinterview.Intotal,grandparents 57 grandparent-adult chronicled relationships grandchild andgrandchildren chronicled 42 relationships. In addition,grandparents recounttheir were also asked,if possible,to retrospectively andto reflectontheirownparentsas grandparents. experiencesof beinggrandchildren is a qualitative Non-numerical andTheorizing Unstructured DataIndexingSearching analytic computer program.

506 CanadianJournalof Sociology Table1. SelectedDemographicCharacteristics of Sample Grandparents

Women(n=15)

Men (n=3)

Total (n=18)

Age Group 65-74 75-84 85+

3

3

7

7

5

3

8

6 7 2

2 1

8 8

7

2

8

1

9 9

Women(n=10)

Men (n=9)

Total (n=19)

3 2 4

7

30+

4 3 3

7

Married(yes)

7

6

13

Parent(yes)

2

2

4

Employment Full-time Student

7 3

7 2

14 5

1

5 3 1

6 5 8

MartialStatus Married Widowed Divorced # of AdultGrandchildren 1-2 3+ Grandchildren

2

Age Group 21-24 25-29

5

# of livingGrandparents 1 2 3+

2

7

sample was primarily Euro-Canadianand middle-class, although 2 granddaughterswere of Afro-Caribbeandescent and 2 grandmotherswere in lowincome situations.Fourgrandmothers,1 granddaughterand 3 grandsonswere Jewish. Given the minimal diversity and the voluntarynatureof the sample, findings from this research cannot be used to generalize about population characteristics,but can be used to examine and produce concepts that apply beyond the study.

Identifying"Grand"Expectations acted andgrandchildren Basedonthebiographical accounts,howgrandparents andreactedtowardsone anotherwasdiverse,notonly betweenfamiliesbut also withinthem.Thisprovidessomeevidenceof the fluid,negotiatedand

TheExperiencesof Grandparents andAdultGrandchildren 507 dynamicnatureof theseparticularfamily roles. In fact, therewas no set pattern for how these roles and relationshipsoperatedin the lives of each generation. Rather, the accounts of each relationship indicate that the actual roles grandparentsand adultgrandchildrenplayed in one another'slives were individually negotiatedover time with and in response to interpersonal,familial, and social contexts. At the same time, the experiential accounts also suggest that behavioral guidelines do exist, whether in the form of prescriptive or proscriptive expectations,for bothfamily roles. Within each generation,therewas general consensusregardinghow grandparentsandadultgrandchildrenshouldbehave. And, despite being somewhatvague or general,these perceived expectations clearlyenteredinto grandparent-adult grandchildinteractionsshapinghow they negotiated their relationships and evaluated their own and others' role performances. There were certain shared expectations pertaining to the provision of supportand assistance, but owing to culturally prevalent ideas regardingyouth, old age, independence,individual rights, family obligation and intergenerational relationships, the roles of grandparent and adult grandchildwere guidedby somewhatdifferentnormsandresponsibilities.The balance of the discussion explores the expectations and responsibilities of grandrelationshipsthatemerge from analysis of the life-history interviews. Behavioral Expectationsand Responsibilitiesof Grandparents Grandparentsconsistentlydescribedhow they shouldbehavetowardtheiradult grandchildren.Proscriptively,they were guided by the norm of non-interference, as well as expectations of unconditional acceptance. Prescriptively, grandparentsfelt they shouldprovidesupportto theirgrandchildren,including the adults, and assume a role of teacherwithin the family. ExpectationsofNon-interferenceWithoutdoubt,the normof non-interference was themostinstructivebehavioralexpectationguidinggrandparents'approach to their adult grandchildren.Owing to its considerable behavioral consequences, this norm shapedaccountsof grandparent-adultgrandchildinteractions andrelationships.As will be seen, the normof non-interferencegenerally assumedprecedenceover otherbehavioralexpectationsand can be considered an overarchingor "master"norm which governs most grandparents'actions. Grandparentsviewed theirfamily role as requiringdiscretion,caution and to an extent, being a spectatoruntil cued otherwise.While the older generation felt they should be interestedin their adult grandchildren'slives, they were equally ardentin theirview thatthey shouldnot interferedirectly or indirectly in the younger generations'lives. Translatedinto behavior, the norm of noninterference instructs grandparentsto be unassuming and supportive in exchanges with their adult grandchildren.

508 CanadianJournalof Sociology I thinkbeinga grandparent is ... to listen.Andnotto criticize.I don'tthinka grandparent should criticizeanythingabouta grandchild, evenif theydothinkmaybeit is nottherightthing.Justgo along with it.

Grandmother,Age 91

This grandmotherillustratesthat one dimension of the norm of non-interference, being unassuming,requiresgrandparentsto be unconditionallyaccepting and prohibitscriticism. Guided by this norm, grandparentsdid not feel at liberty to engage in behaviorssuch as giving unsolicitedadvice, attemptingto change or sway their grandchildren's life choices, or pryingor meddlingin the youngergenerations' private lives, even if they wanted to be informed. Withanadultgrandchild, fine.Youcansortof puta information, youdon'tpry.If theyvolunteer feelerout,butif theydon'trespondyousortof kindof shutyourmouthandjustwaitandhear...We liketoknowwhatis goingon,butif theydon'twanttotellyou,youcan'tgetitoutof themanyway, so whymakethemfeel unhappy andangrywithyou? Grandmother, Age80 I listenandstayoutof theadvicepartunlessit'ssomething simple.I don'tgetinvolved.Sometimes if yougiveadvice,butsaysomethingthatfitsthesituationto makethemthinkit outthemselves, you'rebetter... [but,eventhen]you'reliableto saysomethingthatwillupsetthemone wayand they'llbe upsetwithyoutoo andthen,they'renotgoingto confidebecausetheydon'twantthe advice.Orit canbe theotherway,youcangivethemadviceandit willbe badadvice. Grandmother,Age 79

This group of grandparentsequated their role with listening and responding ratherthan questioning and initiating. Their accounts also demonstratethat grandparents'adherenceto the normof non-interference,including the prohibition on criticism, can be strategic. Not interveningwas often a conscious attemptto avoid unwantedconsequences:undesirableconflict;makinggrandchildrenupsetor angrywith them; and earning a reputationfor giving bad advice or being meddlesome. It was also pragmatic.Grandparentsbelieved thatattemptingto meddle would either have no effect, or worse,place the relationshipat risk.Grandparentsassociated these perceptionswith culturalpatternsof youth and independence. Failure to be unassumingtowards adult grandchildrenwas perceived as risky because the normof non-interferencewas viewed not only as a role expectation, but also as something owed to the younger generation.According to one grandmother,"there'sa responsibilitythatI'm not going to interferein theirlives." Grandparentslinked this responsibilityto the young adult identity and its accompanying entitlement to lead lives relatively free from family intrusion. intheirlives....[Sometimes] Youcan'tinterfere youwantto,youwantto say,"Hey,I didthatand it ain'tgonnawork.Don'tdothat."Youwantto saya lotof things.Butit'shardto. Youdon'tfeel like it's interfering becauseyou love andyou care.I mean,I neversayto them,"Doit this way, because..."I mean,youjustsay,"Hey,be careful,youknow,thinkaboutit." Grandmother,Age 69

The Experiences of Grandparentsand Adult Grandchildren 509 I think it is foolishfor grandparents ... Not only foolish,but to tryto runtheirgrandchildren sometimesimpossible... I thinksomegrandparents do tryto influencetheirgrandchildren andI don't thinkthat's fair.

Grandmother,Age 86

The evidence indicatesan underlyingsense that interfering,at least within the parametersof the grandparent-adult grandchildrelationship,is neithermorally nor right, justifiable. Guided by this norm, most grandparentsdid not attemptto exert control over the terms of the relationshipor place demandson their grandchildren.In fact, grandparentsreportedlyadopteda "laissez-faire,""let them come to you" approachto their relationships: I thinkmygrandchildren areverydearto me.I never[pause],I remember reading,I thinkit wasa orsomething, is likea bird.Itwillstruggleto getawayandif you poemyearsagoabouthappiness openyourhanditwillsitonyourhand.So,I thinkthatis wheremyphilosophywithgrandchildren came from.

Grandmother,Age 89

Casting themselves in a passive role, grandparentsdid not have equal power to define the conditions of the tie. Instead, this control resided more with grandchildren,whose youth and busy lives were cited as reasons for being the appropriate,legitimate definers of the relationship. I get along with [my grandchildren] andI'mhappywiththem.I don'texpectto see thema lot becausetheyhavetheirownlives- youknow,eachpersonastheygrowuphas.Theyhavemore thingscomeintotheirlife,so theydon'thavethesametime.And,Ithinktimeis muchshortertoday thanit wasformy generation... Everybody's workingandworkis notalwaysnearhome.It's all over the place.

Grandmother,Age 79

The social and familial contexts promoteasymmetryor intergenerationalimbalance in adult grandrelations, which was expressed as an expectable and acceptable feature of the tie. Largely because most of their grandparentshad never attemptedto intervene in their lives, adult grandchildrenplaced less emphasis on explicitly identifying normsof non-interference.A few grandchildrenovertly statedthat because grandparents"don'thaveto claim responsibility,"they "don'thave the right to interfere"the way parentsdo. Of course, some grandparentshad made efforts to influence their adult grandchildren'slives by attemptingto impose theirown desires and sway the outcome of life decisions. These grandchildren upheld a belief in their right to independence.Speaking of grandparents,one granddaughtersaid, "Theyjust have to learn, love and accept." In keeping with the adage, "respectyour elders," grandchildrenafforded grandparentsopportunitiesto speak their minds, but rejected moves to interfere, either by dismissing the attemptsor by endeavoringto negotiate acceptance, ratherthan approvalof their choices. Youtakeitin stride.They'reolderandsetin theirwaysandthat'showit is. I mean,I justlet it go understand in oneearandouttheother... Me,Ijustletit rolloff... as I say,theydon'tnecessarily them. Granddaughter, Age32 my choices,I hopetheycanappreciate

510 CanadianJournalof Sociology She'llspeakhermindaboutmyrelationship.... to I conveyto herthatthethingsthatareimportant me aregoingto continue.Andthatthethingsthataren'timportant to her to me,maybe important andI'msorry,butit'smy life andourlife andwe do whatwe want.AndI sayto her,I havesaidto herthatshe doesn'tneedto worrythatshe's in my heartandthethingsthatshe'sgivenme will alwaysbe there,butit is sortof my wayof saying,"I'mnotsorry,butI'mokay."Andforherjust to tryandacceptthatandgo on. Grandson, Age31

In additionto endorsing the view thatthe grandparentrole is not accompanied by the right to interfere, the above passages also suggest that grandchildren expect unconditionalacceptance,even in the face of disapprovalor an inability to understand.Non-interference,with unconditionalacceptance is not an optional dimension of the grandparentrole. Rather, it is obligatory if grandparentsare to have positive relationshipswith their adult grandchildren. Expectations of Support and Assistance Despite discussions of young adults'entitlementto autonomouslives, the biographicalaccountsendorsethe belief that family members remain an important,legitimate and anticipated sourceof assistance from which adultscontinueto drawsupport;grandparents' roles are intimately connected to this view. As an extension of the parentrole, most grandparentsfelt some formof responsibilityfor theirchildren'schildren. This obligationincludedhelpingto meet grandchildren'ssocial, emotional and materialneeds, including contributionsof encouragement,time andmoney. If the middle generationwas, for whateverreason,unableto instrumentallyassist their children and/or grandparentswere in a position to help, they felt they should assume responsibility. For example: I andgreat-grandchildren. I alwaysfiguredit wasourplaceto helptheothers,ourgrandchildren alwayswill.I figureit is ourplaceto helpthem[with]anythingtheywant.I guessthat'swhatit is. We havelentmoneyto them,to my firstgrandson, neverto theother,he neveraskedus forany. Grandfather,Age 85

Underpinningthe final sentence of this grandfather'saccountis the recognition thatthe provision of supportandassistanceto adultgrandchildrenviolates and, hence, contradictsthe norm of non-interference.The latter norm shaped how the need for help was identified. In keeping with the passive, reactive nature of the role, many grandparentswaited for theiradultgrandchildrento come to them and provided help if they were able and mainly when it was requested. Rooted in passivity, the main dimension of grandparents'supportiverole is the notion of being available for grandchildren,providing love and encouragement.Thus conceived, grandparentsreportedhaving an obligation to just be there for their adult grandchildrenand also to create a safe, supportive environment. I hopethat[mygrandchildren] havea feelingof securitythatI amhere.Iftheyhaveanyneeds,that theywillcomeandtellmeaboutit andif thereis anythingI candoforthem,thattheywouldcome andaskme.And,I thinktheywould. Grandmother, Age88

The Experiencesof Grandparentsand Adult Grandchildren 511 Justto be thereforthem.If something is wrong,theycanalwaysfeel freeto cometo you ... I said "Ifyouneedmeorsomething, to [mygrandson], I'mhere.YouknowwhereI live andif I move, I'lllet youknow."Inmyopinion,that'swhatbeinga grandparent is about.It'sjustto be thereand to be supportiveof them.

Grandmother,Age 68

In these accounts, being supportivemeans that grandparentsshould be available to provide social, emotional and material security and safety at their grandchildren'srequest. The expectationof supportfromgrandparentswas also articulatedfrom the perspectiveof adultgrandchildren.Forthis generation,grandparentssymbolize and are expected to be providersof love, supportand encouragement,as well as assistance. The role of the grandparent,was characterizedas responsive to grandchildren'sneeds. arejust supposedto be therewhenyou need themandthey alwaysare ... Just Grandparents anything.They'realwaysthereandtheyalwayshavetimefor you. They'rewilling,able,ready, always.And,mygrandparents, theydon'tgiveadviceunlessyouaskforit.They'rethewiseones. Granddaughter,Age 22

Again, this granddaughterunderscoresher grandparents'responsibilityto not interferein her life unless invited and her right to ask for help. Not all grandparentsfulfill the behavioralexpectations relating to giving supportand assistance.And, some grandchildrenfelt they should not have to ask for help if they were in need and grandparentscould assist. Below, one grandsondiscusses how his grandparentsviolated the taken-for-grantedexpectation regardingthe provision of support. if theycan I thinkthatgrandparents ...I believeincertaincircumstances, shouldbethereforsupport do it, theyshould.I thinkthatis something thathasalwaysbotheredme.WhenI wantedto go to wereableto helpout financially,andtheydidn't.I didn't university,I knewmy grandparents one day,I wantto helpmy understand why.I alwayssay to myself,whenI am a grandparent if youcando it ...Thatand, outwhenit comesto schooling.I thinkthat'simportant grandchildren really... I didn'tgeta wholelotof thatmyself.Maybethat'swhy justemotionalandmoralsupport, I wantthat.I hadfriendsthathadthat. Grandson, Age28

What emerges from this grandson's account is a clear disjuncturebetween normativeexpectationsof his grandparentsand the reality, which was a lack of financial, emotional and moral support. Of particular interest is the sentiment that this was undesirable and incomprehensible grandparenting behaviorrelative to perceptionsof whatothers,namelythis grandson'sfriends, were experiencing.Inthis instance,while his grandparentsadheredto the norm of non-interference, expectations of providing desired support were not fulfilled andfromthe grandson'sperspective,this createdstrainandnegativity within the relationship. Teachingand MentorshipExpectationsArticulatingwiderdiscoursesequating old age with wisdom and worldly experience, the grandparents'family

512 CanadianJournalof Sociology identity was routinely linked to teaching and mentorship.Both generations expressed ideas about grandparentsas an importantpresence in the family, acting as role models, sources of family and social history, wisdom and lived experience. According to grandparents: I thinkstorytellingis perhapsoneof themainroles... truestoriestoothatcouldgive you a sense of historythata lot of familieslose. Grandfather, Age88 It'sbeingpartof theirlives.Tryingtoteachthem,instillin themvalues,likeyoudidwithyourown children.Tryingto be patientandto lovethemnomatterwhat,unconditionally. Grandmother,Age 69

is to set a goodexampleandto listen. Beinga grandparent

Grandmother, Age91

Although most viewed themselves as teachersand role models in the family, the final quote is very representative.Grandparentswere generallyreluctantto identify themselves as teachersand role models without also qualifying their position on interference. Similarto expectationsof support,grandparents'teachingrole was viewed as a potential contradictionto the norm of non-interference.Consequently, non-interference also left its mark on accounts of this prescriptive norm. Grandparentsdescribedtheirapproachto teachinggrandchildrenby saying, for example: "I don't ever think of influencing them, except by osmosis" and "I hope ... that something of me, of my personality,of the way I am has rubbed off on them." Here again, non-interferenceremainscentral to grandparents' accounts of their teaching role, including what and how they transmit informationto adult grandchildren. Adult grandchildrenplaced greater emphasis and importance on the teaching dimension of the grandparentrole. These grandchildrenelucidate some fairly representativeexpectationsof their grandparents: ...Ithinktoo,therole Toinstillvalues,morals,beliefsintheirgrandchildren andgreat-grandchildren of thegrandfather, notonlyteaching-providing, he is stillprovidingme withhis life experiences whichinfluencemydecisions.Whenhetellsmesomething, itmightinfluencemydecisionsabout and howI do things... I thinkhisroleis stillto teachabouthisgeneration, mymom'sgeneration, my generation- for my kids.

Grandson,Age 35

Youknow,theyreallyarewhoyoulookupto ... I thinkyoustilllookupto yourgrandparents [as anadult]andstillwantthemtherebecauseof theirstories,becauseof theirhistoryintermsof your family.

Granddaughter,Age 27

While grandparents'accounts of theirmentorrole placed non-interferenceat the fore, adult grandchildrenclearly desire grandparents'continued involvement in their socialization (and their children's). In fact, barringuninvited interference, most welcomed and had great respect for their grandparents' experiences and several took this knowledge into account when making decisions.

TheExperiencesof Grandparents andAdultGrandchildren 513 Behavioral Expectationsand Responsibilities of Adult Grandchildren Unlike discussions of the grandparentrole, most grandparents and adult grandchildrenwere initially at a loss to identify any behavioralexpectations associated with the younger generation. Several individuals responded by saying, for example, "I wouldn't begin to say what a grandchild should or shouldn'tdo" and "Idon't really think [grandchildren]really have a role in the family." After suggesting that there were no behavioral expectations or normativerole patternsfor adult grandchildren,many went on to contradict themselves, indicatingthatthe youngergenerationshouldbe respectfulof their grandparents,"give back,"and "help out." Expectations of Respect and Consideration. Much like the norm of noninterferencefor grandparents,expectationsof respectand, relatedly,consideration, permeatedmost accounts of the adult grandchild role and normative behavior, particularlyfrom the perspective of the younger generation. Respectfulness was a taken-for-grantedpartof being a grandchild. Theroleof thegrandchild, it'sfunnybecauseI'mnotallthatclosetothem.LikeI knowwhenI see themI havetoberespectful, I havetotalktothema littlebit,greetthem,I givethema kissorshake theirhandkindof, stufflikethat.Andjustbe friendlywiththem,justto be warmaroundthemis kind of my role.

Grandson,Age 21

Grandchildrendisplayedtheirrespect a numberof ways, but at base, it meant behaving in a polite, cordial manner, and giving time and attention to their aging grandparents. For many grandchildren,the obligation to respect existed by virtue of grandparents'family identity.Their age and family position was equatedwith making enormoussacrifices and contributionsto the family, which, according to one grandson,has "earned"grandparents"therightto speak"their"minds." Translatedinto behavior,this means being respectful by spending time with grandparentsand when doing so, listening to grandparents: I thinksometimesthere'sexpectations likeinthesenseof respecting yourelders.Youknow,make sureyourgrandparents areokayandthatkindof thing.There'sdefinitelya senseof ... okay,[my is notgoingto changehisway,justlethimsaywhathe wantsto say,kindof thing.I'll grandfather] hisbeliefsorreasonorwhatever. respectwhathe saysorwhatever Age27 Granddaughter, Justspendtimewithourgrandparents, listento whattheyhaveto say.Likedon't,if they'regiving me advice,I don't,eventhoughI don'tagreewithit, I don'tnecessarilysayto them,"Shutup."I do it either. justsay"okay,"butI don'tnecessarily Age22 Granddaughter,

While not opposed to hearing grandparents'opinions, as the above passages suggest, doing so was often a courtesy. Based on personal experience or old age stereotypes,a numberof grandchildrenperceivedtheir grandparentsas set in their ways or unlikely to change. They viewed being respectfulas practical

514 CanadianJournalof Sociology and wise. Much like grandparents'views of grandchildren,the younger generation felt that they would be unable to alter the older generation's opinions and that attemptingto doing so would likely result in unnecessaryconflict or hurtfeelings. Forcertainadultgrandchildren,feeling obliged to respecttheirgrandparents emerged from an appreciation of their grandparents'life experiences. A numberof the older adult grandchildrendisplayed great reverence for their grandparentswhose lives andexperiencestheyperceivedas unimaginablefrom the context of their own life experiences. For example: thatmy of everything I thinkwhatit meansto be a goodgrandchild as anadultis beingrespectful hasexperienced in herlife.She'sexperienced so muchmorethanI have.Youknow, grandmother she'slivedthroughtheSecondWorldWar... Peopleof ourgeneration havea hellof a lot more thatshe'shadto endurein herlife. privilegeandso beingrespectfulof everything Grandson,Age 28

The historical conditions of each generation's lives, including the Great Depression,WWII, and immigratingto Canadafor grandparents,were not inconsequentialfor theirrelationships.These conditionsenteredinto grandchildren's accounts of their roles and promotedenduringrespect. Being respectful was also discussed within the context of grandparents' aging and old age. Most grandchildrenwere conscious of negative stereotypes associating old age with a time of severe physical and mental decline and a state of dependence. As stereotypical descriptive images of older personsincluding frailty, an inability to learn new things, being out of date and somehow less than equal - influence the ways individualstend to communicate with older adults, a number of grandchildrenpracticed respect by deliberately attemptingto avoid reinforcingageist stereotypesin interactions with their aging grandparents. them... I don't OnethingI tryneverto dois to talktothemliketheyareold.I don'tliketopatronize liketo talkto themliketheyarechildren,whichsomepeopledo withsomeof theelderly.If they don'tunderstand then,I'll repeatit,butIjustdon'ttreatthem something,ordon'thearsomething, likethey'regoingawaylikea lot of peopledo. Grandson, Age31 Froma senseof respect,I think,treating[mygrandmother] as anequalandnotthinkingthatshe's weakandfrail... I don'teverfeel sorryforherandso I thinkit is anobligationandresponsibility to notfeel thatwayabouther. Grandson, Age28

For many older grandparents,frailty and declining health were undeniable realities, but based on perceptions of their grandparents'family position and lives, many grandchildrenbelieved it was theirresponsibilityto reinforce the older generation's independenceand autonomy. Mainly because most grandchildrenrespecttheirgrandparents,they placed more emphasis on respect in accounts of their own family role. Some grandparents discussed respect as something they desired (and received). Their

andAdultGrandchildren 515 of Grandparents TheExperiences definitions of respect reflected many of the same meanings contained within grandchildren'saccounts, for example, not being disrespectful out of ageist attitudesand having a responsibilityto respect older family members: I haven'tbeenapacewithanythinglikethat[but]I wouldn'twantthemorderingme aroundor treatingme as if I wasanimbecileorbecauseI amgettingon in my yearsthatI haven'tgot my faculties.I thinkI'dtakea dimlookatthat. Grandmother, Age80 I thinkyoushouldrespect,youknow?Someonethat'sbeenso goodto youandtreatedyougoodand nevergaveyou a reasonto disrespect, thenyou shouldrespectthem.As adults,that'spartof the to respectyourelders. Grandmother, Age69 responsibility,

Unlike grandchildren who were generally willing to give grandparents unconditionalrespect because of their age and family position, a few grandparents, such as the grandmotherabove, discussed respect as dialectic. They expected respect, but felt it was earnedand exchanged. Expectations of "GivingBack" The expectation of "giving back" arose from respect and the idealized notion of grandparentsas family memberswho contributeunconditionallove, support,and nurturingto the extended family and often make sacrifices for others, with few expectations in return.Grandchildren viewed giving back as one of their main responsibilities. I wouldthinkthattheadultgrandchild rolemightbe somesortof, kindof returning, sayjustifying withmy grandmother andI thattheyhavedoneeverything right... LikeI lookatmyrelationship thinkthefactthatI turnedoutto be whatI considerhalfdecentandthatI spendtimewithheras proof.

Grandson,Age 23

This intergenerationalreciprocitywas expressedin a numberof differentways. Being sources of pride and spendingtime with grandparentswere among the most common ways of"returning." In terms of acting as sources of pride, most grandchildrenagreed that they wantedto make theirgrandparentsproudand thatdoing so was a way to affirm grandparents'contributionsandinspirationto the family. Grandchildrenstated that it was their role to be a source of pride: I don'tknowwhatmy role,ortheadultroleis. I justthinkI'msomethingforthemto be proudof andbe happyabout.Almostsortof further successforthemthattheyhadchildrenwhohavegone on to havesuccessfulchildren. Age22 Granddaughter, Thefactthattheyareableto see whatI'vebecome,see whoI've married, see whatI've become andhopefullyjustgivethemsomepride.I thinkthat'sit.That'smyfavoritethingin professionally thatI canreturnsomeof thepridethatthey'vegivenme.I cannevercomecloseto matchingwhat Grandson, Age31 they'vegivento me,butthattheyknowthatmeansa lot to me.

Grandchildrenviewed their accomplishments as reward for grandparents' efforts within the extended family. And, implicitly located in grandchildaccounts, not being a disappointmentwas an equally important,albeit proscriptive, expectation of the adult grandchildrole.

516 CanadianJournalof Sociology

Althoughrarelycharacterizedas expectationsof giving back, grandparents also expressed hopes that their grandchildrenwould be successful, happy (sources of pride) and not disappoint. Oh,I don'tknow,they'veneverdoneanythingbad.Youdon'twantthemto getintotroublewith Grandmother, drugsoralcoholormaritaltroubles.Youwantthemto be happy. Age 78 I don'tcarewhethertheyachievea lot money-wise.I wouldfarrathersee themhavea happylife, a happybalancedlife andfeel successfulwithanyof theiraccomplishments. Grandmother,Age 79

Youhopethatthey'lldo certainthingsanddo themwell,butI'lljusthaveto sit backandwatch. Grandmother,Age 86

From grandparents'perspectives, grandchildren'ssuccessfulness was articulated as an aspiration, something they hoped for ratherthan expected; this reinforcedfor grandparentsthe value of the norm of non-interferenceand the entitlementof youths to lead their own lives. The other way grandchildrenfelt that they should show appreciationfor their grandparentswas by spending time with them, checking-in, having concern, visiting, and being informedaboutone another'slives. This aspect of the adult grandchildrole includes: I justthinkto be there,makeheryearsas comfortable andenjoyableas possible.Maybeit means takingherout for a walk,or takingher for a driveor visitingherfriendsor whatever.I think shouldbe doingthatif theycan,if it's feasible. Age32 Granddaughter, grandchildren To feel obligedto spendtime,even if I'm Beingobligednotto forgetabout[mygrandmother]. to her.Giventheoption,I reallybusy,to maketimeto go andsee herif I knowthatit's important to callher wouldnotgo becauseI'vegottoomuchto do.Feelingobligedandresponsible probably shoulddo for ... justto see howsheis doing... thosearethesortsof thingsI supposea grandchild their grandparents.

Grandson,Age 27

For adult grandchildren,giving back often meant giving time. Because most grandchildrendid not want to disappointtheirgrandparentsor let them down, giving time sometimes involved giving up or changingplans even if it was not desirable or convenient to do so, particularlywhen the older generation initiates contact. Often there was conflict between what a grandchildwanted to do and what they felt they should do, for example: willshowupoutof theblueinthesummerandhe'llbe atthehousein Sometimesmygrandfather thebackabout10:30andI'mlike,"uh."Like,I'vehada wholedayplannedfordoingthings.Well, nowI feel obligatedto cancelall of myplansandstayhome.I wouldneverdaretellhim. Grandson,Age 35

Others felt they should be giving back more of their time to grandparents. Some experiencedguilt and conflictual feelings stemmingfrom what they felt they should, but were not doing.

The Experiencesof Grandparentsand Adult Grandchildren 517 Theyneverwantto intrude,butI'mlike,"Comeoverorphoneme"becauseit is hardto makethe time...you'vegotto liveyourlifeandatthesametimeandthere'sso muchgoingonwithworkand else.I feelbadforgrandparents, everything youknow,justbecausethey'vegivenso muchto their familiesandsometimes,I don'tfeellikeI'mgivingenoughback. Granddaughter, Age22

This representativequote illustratesa desire to give back andalso the assumption thatolderfamily membersgenerallygive more thanthey receive in family relationships.However,as the rightto lead one's own life as a young adultwas central to the practices associated with these intergenerationalrelationships, there were fewer expectationsof adult grandchildrenon the partof both generations. Grandparents'echoed similarsentimentsregardingthe lives of their adult grandchildren: arethere,butthey'renotyourtop They'regrowingupandgettingintotheirownlife.Grandparents I mean,I understand thatandIdon'texpectthat.Ijusthopethatthey'llfindtheirownplace priority. andhavehappylives andremember meoncein a while. Grandmother, Age88

Grandparentsexpressed a hope that their grandchildrenwould demonstrate interestin theirlives andwelcomed additionalgrandchildcontact, but because they observed the boundariesof their family role and felt unable to change them, they rarely demandedor expected it. Expectationsof "HelpingOut" Emergingfrom a view of the family as natural providersof informalsupport,particularlyto older family members, and from normativeexpectations of respect and of reciprocity,a key dimension of the adult grandchildrole was describedas "helpingout." Somewhat telling is the following accountfromthe grandsonwhose grandparentsfailed to provide the supporthe expected; despite his disappointment,he felt his role was to help. I feel my roleis thatif they needmeto help,I canhelp... I thinkthattheyhavepaidtheirdues, [and]I turnedoutallright.MyDad'sallright.Soobviouslytheydidsomethingright. grandparents I'mkindof proudof myfamily. Grandson, Age28

Thus, similar to the expectationthatgrandparentsshouldprovide supportand assistance in the event thatit is desired,needed and can be given, there exists an underlyingexpectation of adult grandchildrento fulfill a supportive role with respect to their aging grandparents. Both generations referredto an established hierarchy of help providers which casts adult children as the appropriatefirst line of assistance, but additionally,there were expectationsthatadultgrandchildrencan be (and are) called on to participatein supportprocesses. I supposein the case of somethinghappening to eithermy husbandor myself,say we weren't neededto be doneandourchildrenwerenot physicallyableto lookafterourselvesorsomething availableandthegrandchildren comedownto themto sortof stepin atthat were,itwouldprobably time.

Grandmother,Age 80

518 CanadianJournalof Sociology I domybest[providing butI alsosortof thinkthatit's thekidswhoreallyneedto bethe support], roleto. I love themandI wantto be thereforthem,butI also ones,it's notreallya grandchild's thinkmy fatherneedsto takesomeresponsibility care. in planningmygrandmother's Grandson,Age 31

While grandchildrenare willing and to a certain extent, expected, to assume some responsibilityfor assistingtheirgrandparents,generally,thisresponsibility comes as an extension of the adult child role and an extension of the link to the middle generation. Normative patterns of support in intergenerationalfamilies cast adult grandchildrenin the role of potential helper within grandparents'supportive network.When given, this help generally takes one of two forms: direct and indirect. The form of help given is largely determinedby the situation, including the availability and capabilitiesof the middle generation.Direct and indirectforms of help are,of course,notmutuallyexclusive - grandchildren's efforts to help out, whether directly or indirectly, generally supports both generations. I haveofferedtomygrandmother numerous times,youknow,"Doyouneedmeto takeyougrocery "Doyouwantmeto helpoutwithsomething?" Orif you needmeto movesomething shopping?" thatis heavyin thehouse,justletmeknow?... So, I thinkas anadultgrandchild, youhavea, your If I haveto helpmy dutyis to helpoutif theyneedto be helped,whetherit'sdirectlyorindirectly. dadhelpmy grandmother then,I shoulddo that. Grandson, Age28 if it is necessary.I I thinka grandchildshouldbe willingto give upa littlebitfora grandparent, onetimewhenI wasveryill andmysonusedto comeandsee me oftenandhe hadto remember drivea long wayalone.He wouldbringmy granddaughter withhimandI thinkthatwasa good deedthatgranddaughter didformeandforherdad.AndI canremember oncewhenI wasill, my oldestgranddaughter wasthefirstonetheycalledbecausetherewasnobodyelsearound.I always did appreciatethat.

Grandmother,Age 91

Helping was presentedas a widerobligationandcontributionto family life and as an act of reciprocity,respect and appreciationfor the older generation. The degree and nature of adult grandchildren'sinvolvement in their grandparents'supportivenetwork,was of course, variableand influenced by countless configurations of factors, including, geographic proximity, birth order,gender, individualneeds, interpersonalandfamily history,as well as the availability of family members. In most cases, grandchildrenwould neither expect nor be expected to provide supportin the form of decision-making, providingor arrangingfor grandparents'care.However,considerthe following accountfrom a granddaughterin a family wherethe middle generationwas absent as a result of death: ... I feltI neededto calleveryweekandcheckin on themandwhen So,suddenly,I feltresponsible I wouldneedto be theonetojumpin andmakea suggestion theywereworriedaboutsomething, aboutthecottageor sellingthehouseor Grandpa's orwhateverthecase maybe ... Alzheimer's,

The Experiences of Grandparentsand Adult Grandchildren519 andexecutorof theestate.So legally,it fallsto me.Morally,it Legally,I amthepowerof attorney falls to me because I'm there.

Granddaughter,Age 27

This woman's siblings assumed less responsibility and she did not play an instrumentalrole on her paternalside where a middle generationstill existed. Ultimately, circumstances vary between and within families and this nonnormative experience demonstratesthe potential extent of grandchildren's supportiverole in aging families, whethera legal or moral responsibility. Interpreting Accounts of "Grand" Expectations These relational accounts illuminate how some grandparentsand adult grandchildrenconceive of theirfamily roles, andprovideinsight into the negotiation of intergenerationalexchanges andrelationshipswithin aging families. These experiencesdemonstratethatcertainnormative"grand"expectationsdo exist. Although general,guidelinesdid enter into relationshipsandprovideda frameworkfor [re]actingwithinrelationshipsand evaluating grandparentand grandchildbehaviors.6Based on participants'analyses of their relationships, the very natureof the behavioralexpectationsidentified by both generations, as well as the absence of more specific prescriptivenorms,can be interpreted in light of wider patterns of social life, particularlythose highlighted by theories of individualization,includingits emphasison the loosening of tradition and obligation, as well as its attentionto institutionalizedindividualism. Articulatedin very different ways, trends toward individualizationwere apparentin both generations' experiences, but were most evident in adult grandchildren'slives. Accounts offer supportfor Beck's (1998) observations regardingthe "biographizationof youth." The younger generations viewed themselves and were viewed by grandparentsas entitled to lead independent lives of their own making;the ethic of individualself-fulfilment and achievement was apparent.By acknowledgingthese rights, the norm of non-interference was agreed upon by both generationsand entered into relationshipsby setting boundariesfor behaviorand expectations. In terms of grandparents'lives, there was also an emphasis on independence. The older generation'sdecision not to interferein their grandchildren's lives was motivated in partby a desire to maintainreputationsas independent and undemandingfamily members- reputationsgenerally desired by older individuals (see for e.g. Kemp & Denton, 2003). A numberof grandchildren deliberatelytriedto reinforcetheiraging grandparents'sense of independence, often in response to their grandparents'increasing frailty and poor health. thata socialroleis bestconceivedas a 6. ThedatasupportStrauss'(1959)enduringcontention foractionandbehavior. generalframework

520 CanadianJournalof Sociology

Thus, while grandchildrenwere attemptingto establish independence,grandparentswere equally intent on maintainingtheir independence.Each generation respected the other's right to do so. Conceptualizationsof adult grandchildren'slives also conformed to the characterizationof life in contemporarytimes as exerting many demands on individuals,lending evidence to the processof institutionalizedindividualism. Descriptions of the multiple demandswithin grandchildren'severyday lives including those of school, work, social and other familial obligations were grandchild presentedas expected challenges to maintaininggrandparent-adult The their to own lives of relationships. centrality grandchildren'sright pursue reconciled this challenge in such a way that grandparentsaccepted that grandchildren'sbeing busy was a "legitimateexcuse" (Finch, 1989; Finch & Mason, 1993)7for not visiting, helping more or establishinganythingbeyond minimal behavioralexpectations. The lack of abundantexplicit behavioralexpectations and normativerole prescriptionsis also very telling. The absence of more specific and numerous expectations can also be linked, in part to the choice and negotiation so characteristicof relationshipsin late-modernity(see Beck, 1999, 2001; BeckGernsheim,2002; Giddens, 1992, 1994). This shift away from traditionand obligation means thatthe social relevanceof relationshipsis being substituted by personal significance (Allan, 2001). Underthese conditions, the implications can be positive as interpersonalrelationships can potentially be more rewardingthan in the past (Giddens, 1994). Without institutionallydefined roles, grandparentsand adult grandchildrenare more free to design their relationshipsbasedon personalneed andpersonalhistory.Such freedomtranslates into new opportunitiesand possibilities, particularlywhen paired with grandchildren's maturity. The experiences of this groupof grandparentsand adultgrandchildrenalso indicate that the presence of choice and negotiationin interpersonalrelationships does not necessarilyreplacetraditionor obligation.In the currentsocial context, traditionalviews of family life andgenerationspersist and obligation has not disappeared. Rather, they co-exist along side cultural emphasis on choice and freedom,and often reemergein new forms. The traditionalview of the family as a proper source of supportwas evident in both generations' accounts. The family, at least for this group of participants,remains a key institutionof social supportat any age. Individuals'needs and abilities likely influence the provision and receipt of support,yet there remains a taken-for-

7. SeeFinchandMason(1993)forgreaterelaboration excuses"in theirworkon on "legitimate andgeographic distance demands Forexample,employment negotiating familyresponsibility. wereviewedbyfamilymembers asacceptable reasonsfornotfulfillingfamilyresponsibilities.

TheExperiences andAdultGrandchildren 521 of Grandparents grantedassumptionthat,if circumstancespermit,the roles of grandparentand adult grandchildcan include supportas a normativepractice of familial exchange. At the same time, the "new"obligation to respect young adults' right to lead lives free of grandparentinterferencepotentially complicates the traditional obligationto help within the family. Because of personalconnectionsto grandparentsand a sense of individual accountability,some adult grandchildren in this study could not legitimately excuse themselves; they experienced guilt and/orwere motivatedto spendtime/helptheirgrandparents,which often rancounterto whatthey wished to do. Ultimately,obligationsdo not disappear in these family relationships. They are personally chosen and improvised situationally.They arealso personallysanctioned,whichmotivatesindividuals differentlyandsets the stage for ambivalence.Similarto Connidis' (forthcoming) suggestion regardingsibling ties, the more voluntarynatureof grandties (relative those between partnersor parents and children) is likely to render paradoxes such as conflicting emotions and demandsmore "transparent." Accounts combining differing normative guidelines for grandparentsand adult grandchildren,the cultural emphasis on choice and the loosening of tradition alongside the existence of personal obligation and the competing work and family demandsreveal contradictionsbasedon structuralconditions and provide evidence of ambivalence.Findings supportConnidis & McMullin's (2002b:559) assertionthat sociological ambivalence is best understood "as a feature of structuredsets of relationships,"which is reproduced in interpersonalrelationships.Generationalposition was influential,almostpivotal, in shapingwho exercised choice and how obligation was manifest. Social constructions of youth as deserving lives of their own and norms of noninterferenceoperateto shape the distributionof power and exercise of agency in the relationship, giving greater choice to grandchildrenand producing intergenerationalimbalanceor asymmetry. There was further evidence of ambivalence. Within grandparent-adult grandchildrelationships,the convergenceof the normof non-interferenceand the norm of respect, in tandemwith the tensions between choice, obligation and traditioncan create contradictions within relationships and conflict for individuals. For instance, while choice sets the stage for the development of close grand ties, the expectation of non-interference meant that some grandparentsrestrictedthemselves from speakingtheir minds. Likewise, out of respect for their grandparentsand a desire to not disappoint,a numberof grandchildrenalso felt they shouldcensor themselves in interactionswith their grandparents. Beyond cross-sectional, survey data, future research would do well to consider how, in what ways and underwhat circumstancesgrandparent-adult grandchild relationships vary and how and why individual relationships

522 CanadianJournalof Sociology themselves varyover time.8Futureresearchagendasmightalso wish to address the ways in which grand relationships differ from or are similar to other intergenerationalfamily ties, especially those betweenaging parentsand adult children.For example, althoughGanong & Coleman (1999) found that older parentsare obliged to provide assistanceto theirmarriedchildrenonly if help is requested, because of the history of and nature of parent-child ties, expectationsof non-interferencearenot likely to be as powerfulrelative to the grandtie. Likewise, norms governing the provision of assistance and giving back are presumablystrongerbetween parentsand children (see Parsons & Tindale, 2001), but such a conclusion remainssomewhat speculative. In closing, these grandparentandgrandchildaccountsattestto the diversity and complexity of contemporaryfamily life. Cumulatively,the individualexperiences supportthe notion that family roles are fluid and interpersonally negotiated over time, within particularcircumstance and in response to the widerfamily and social networks.At the same time, this groupof grandparents andgrandchildrenhadclear ideas regardingappropriateandinappropriaterole behaviors.What they identified were basic "grand"expectations.The lack of specific, numerous or grand "grand"expectations means the possibility of limited contact between generations.However, this situation also means the possibility of significantpersonalrewardswithingrandparent-adult grandchild relationships,as individuals are somewhatfreerto fashion their relationships (particularlythe grandchildren).Demographic conditions have created the opportunityfor the developmentof adult,grandrelationshipsandcurrentsocial practicesmean a greateropportunityfor these ties to be individuallynegotiated based on personally, ratherthan socially prescribednorms. References Aldous,Joan 1995 Newviewsof grandparents in intergenerational context.Journalof FamilyIssues16: 104-122. Allan,Graham 2001 Personalrelationships 8 (3):325-339. in latemodernity. PersonalRelationships Beaujot,Roderic 2000

Earning and Caring in CanadianFamilies. Peterborough,ON: Broadview.

Beck,Ulrich 1998 DemocracyWithout Enemies,Translated PolityPress. by M. Ritter.Cambridge: 1999 WorldRiskSociety.Maiden,MA:BlackwellPublishers. 8. Forexample,thedataspoketo fewgenderdifferences, of thesample butwiththelimitations This it is difficultto concludethatgenderis notinfluential. includingitssizeandcomposition, is particularly inthe trueforthedifferences as3 grandfathers participated amonggrandparents thisstudycannotaddressthepresenceorabsenceof gendervariations. study.Ultimately,

The Experiences of Grandparentsand Adult Grandchildren523 2001

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