HAPPY ENDINGS. SCENE 2 Penny: That was my worst birthday since my mom frenched my boyfriend at Epcot. So are you 100% sure Todd is gay? Max: (Mouth full) 150%. Penny: Our good-bye last night was a little weird. Jane: Has anyone talked to Dave or Alex? Max: Yeah, Dave's coming. Penny: So that means we can't invite Alex? (Jane sighs) Brad: Wow. This sucks. Dave: Hey, guys. Check it out. Huh? Alex: Hi, guys. Dave: Right? Great news. We are back together. Just kidding. (Chuckles) I still hate her, but she did spend four hours apologizing last night, which was a pretty good start. Alex: And Dave did admit that he's been taking me for granted for a while. Dave: I did, but I said that's the kind of stuff you talk about before the wedding, not at the wedding. Alex: And I pointed out that Dave wore flip-flops to my parents' 35th anniversary. Dave: Mm. It was black-tie optional. Max: Here we go again. Jane: Another double bloody. Alex: Guys, this is... This is all my fault. And what I did to Dave was... was horrible, you know, but... but Dave and I agree that that's between us, you know, and it would kill me if... If I'm the reason that we all can't hang out anymore. Dave: Yeah, I mean, none of us has made a new friend in, like, 11 years. Brad: I wouldn't even know how to do that. What do you do, just, like, walk up to random people and go, "Hey, blah, blah, blah. Sports"? Penny: The only new person I wanna meet is my husband. Max: I was once on this plane with this old lady, and she tried talking to me. I just pretended I had some kind of disability. Dave: Buddy. Alex: Hey, Penny, I'm sorry your birthday got ruined... (Singsongy) But I got you something. Max: Hey, what is it, rollerblades? …. Okay, I apologize. Dave: Ah, don't. Max: Okay. Penny: Oh! Alex: Happy Birthday! Penny: Hello! Aw! I haven't been this happy since my bar mitzvah. Brad: (Brad) Can you sit down? Max: Mmm. Don't mind if I do-skis. Penny: Uh, maybe you don't-skis. Brad: You might want to take a little vacation from the cake, bro. Max: Is this the chubby thing? 'Cause if it is, just say it to my face. Do you guys think I look fat? Jane: Well, you got a couple extra pounds. I think about your health. I just worry about your health. Brad: To be perfectly honest, you look like a young Kathy Bates. Jane: Ooh. No, no, no. It's like if Paul Rudd gave up. I'll take her. I do not mind.
