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Monday, August 21, 2006

THE PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

When cicadas sing, summer’s on the wane

RON TARVER / Inquirer Staff Photographer

Wings on an adult Tibicen cicada, the genus found here, are fully developed within minutes after it

leaves its shell. Only the males “sing,” which is actually the rapid vibration of a stomach muscle.

A mother cannot, should not, protect a grown daughter

Dear Dr. Dan, My 22-year-old daughter is a senior at a nearby university. She is beautiful, smart and wellrounded. But she seems to be taking one step forward and two steps back. The people she befriends have had a negative effect on her. I am most concerned with her “boyfriends.” She gets into very shortlived and intense relationships with boys I consider of much lower quality than her high school friends. Recently she admitted that she had been experimenting with drugs, but used her willpower and got out of that situation (and I believe her). As a mother, how do I “protect” my daughter? Do I need to stay out of giving advice? I want to have a good relationship with her and love her unconditionally, but it is painful to watch how these new friends are dragging her down. When I try to get involved and “help,” she starts yelling and claiming that I criticize her. Please help! — Worried Mother Dear Worried, Those who specialize in working with children say that young children need a manager — someone who controls the environment and keeps them safe. Once they hit puberty and adolescence, they need more of a coach — someone who backs off and lets them find their own footing while staying very involved in their lives. Parents of adolescents should create an environment that nurtures open dialogue about their choice in friends, about Internet sites, even the difficult issues of drugs and sex. Parental love, involvement and genuine interest open the door for dialogue. Parental anxiety, judgment and criticism close the door. Now, about your 22-year-old. At this point in most young people’s lives, they’re trying to figure out who they are. It’s not unusual for them to experiment with friends, drugs and sex. And many in this generation can be in their late 20s or early

30s before they find their footing. I hear your anxiety about her taking one step forward and two steps back. But when you think about it, don’t we all? And what has been your most valuable education in life? Mine has come from the steps back, not the steps forward. In that regard, she sounds like she’s on track. As for her friends, there are many possibilities. First, you may be seeing her friendships through your anxiety, which can be blinding. Second, she may see something in them you’re not able to see. Third, I would imagine she and her friends have something in common. So instead of judging them as “poor quality,” it might be constructive to have her tell you about her friends and why she’s attracted to them. And if she does, please don’t try to talk her out of these relationships. Unsolicited advice is not something people typically hear. I am thrilled that she feels safe enough with you to talk about drugs. If you take this information with concern and compassion, she’ll continue to be open. If you respond with anxiety, anger or judgment, the door will probably close. You cannot protect your daughter, nor should you. We all want our children to go forward having the tools to take care of themselves. I am sure you would rather have a resilient daughter who could handle adversity over a fragile daughter with a diligent mother. And finally, the fact that your image of your daughter is about steps forward and back, and about friends who aren’t quite the quality of the ones you envision for her, suggests to me that you see a clear path for her with a clear goal. Whether it’s conscious or not, please keep in mind that is your path and not necessarily hers. As our children age, they need our faith more than they need our management skills.

the light is brief, a matter of weeks. Once the males start to sing, the females swoon, and the mating begins. Their cycle is hard to miss. Cicadas are among the loudest insects out there. The African cicada, Brevisana brevis, makes sure the female knows he’s on the prowl. He produces a song at 106.7 decibels, less than a shotgun but louder than a snowmobile. Here the song is softer, blending with the other sounds of summer. But just as you succumb to the lure and settle back for the twilight concert, they’ll be gone. Contact staff writer Dawn Fallik at 215-854-2795 or [email protected].

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underground, slowly growing in their rigid shells, called exoskeletons. There they mature over two or three years, like subterranean butterflies. Then one day, as the hot sun warms the earth, the shell splits, and they crawl out into the light. Up, up, onto the nearest limb they climb, carrying the remnants of their childhood along. Slowly, they shed their last nymphal skin, littering skeletal casings across the bark and in the grass. At the same time, they thirst, piercing the plants around them with four needle-like tubes called stylets. The sap fills their bodies; they spread their fluid-filled wings and fly. Their lives may last up to three years, but their time in

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CICADAS from C1 not exactly Sade’s siren call echoing from the bushes) is just a little tymbal vibration — the contracting and relaxing of the white, ribbed muscle on their stomachs, moving as fast as 400 times a second. Scientists call the shimmy “a sound pulse.” And that pulse becomes the theme song of the season, a cacophony of come, come, come, be with me, there is little time left. The song varies as well. In Australia, there are more than 200 species of cicadas alone, each with their own melody. Our local beck-and-call boys belong to the genus Tibicen, known as “annual” cicadas. Most of their lives are spent

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