Whitewash---The Wonderful TeeVee---White Man‟s Toxin Jim and I, we‟d been a-floatin‟ down the river for a good long while, just talking up a storm and comtemplating life, when we heard a great loud ruckus a-coming from the land. I was just itchin‟ to find out what it was, for it warn‟t no ornery sound. I convinced Jim that we was in desperate need of some supplies, so he agreed to make a pit stop. I parked the

Comment [KS1]: This satire writing assignment designed to be in conjunction with students reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. The assignment requires students to write in the voice of Huck (hence the dialect) and to create a scene in which Huck and Jim reach shore, this time coming upon a modern American town. This opening paragraph establishes this context.

raft ashore, and found a nice bush for Jim to set himself in, and went a-lookin‟ for the source of that awful strangeness. After a bit I come across a nice little town, nice houses, but well kept; I saw lots of cut lawns, pinky-colored roofs and whitewash. Nothing stirred in the slightest, but from time to time there‟d be a great flash of light from the houses, or a great whoop or cheer, not

Comment [KS2]: Specific word choices early in the piece, such as “awful strangeness” and “loud ruckus” help to establish a purpose. Even though the specific aspect of modern America is yet to be revealed, the reader already knows that the character’s perspective on the issue is that its’ “strange.”

unlike what I‟d heard from the water. Warn‟t like anything I could say war familiar. I thought only people like the Widow Douglass, or others with piles of cash all horded up-like could live in a rise like this. While I was just minding my own beeswax, I get a little tap on the shoulder from behind me. Nearly scared the bejesus out of me, let me tell you. But that was nothing compared to this broad‟s shocking eye makeup: she had rings on rings and layers of grey eyeshadow brushing all the way up over her forehead almost to her hairline. “What can I do ya for?” I ask. “Well hi there! I‟m Jacqueline Laurita, and I‟m the real housewife of this humble little abode. You‟re an awfully strange one, standing outside alone at a time like this,” the lady said, batting her smoky eyes, shaking the mountain of makeup above them. “Is somethin‟ the matter?” I ask again. I must have still looked a little surprised by the eyeshadow wonder before me, because that lady said, “The Kardashians have only just released their 24th season of „Keeping Up‟, how can you ignore a time as wonderful as this? Do you like of my Kris Jenner makeup? I was careful not to go overboard, it came out perfectly. Come, you can meet the rest of the desperate housewives.” I didn‟t know any Kris Jenner, nor any desperate housewives, but I went and followed that lady into her home, to find a whole gathering of people watching one of those TeeVee things or some such. They wasn‟t lookin‟ too good, bone thin, dirty, no one was talking, just starin‟ at the TeeVee. It looked awful ornery, just a picture of a few dazed and confused looking ladies, all of who were also a little funny lookin‟. They‟s skin looked all stretched and pushed and prodded in all the weird places. And it warn‟t like they was up to

Comment [KS3]: By describing this everyday woman as looking similarly “dolled up” as the women on the Real Housewives shows, the author is demonstrating that the public will go to extremes to feel like celebrities. The exaggeration of her eye shadow conveys a mocking tone; the author is subtly making fun of her. She thinks she looks good, because she’s imitating the celebrity women on TV, but this almost makes her sound like a clown!

something interestin‟. They was just goin‟ around picking out dresses and other lady-clothes from a rack longer than I could tell you, but Lord forbid one picks the yellow one, „cause then the same yellin‟ arises again that I had heard all the way from the water. Warn‟t like the confused ladies was robbing no one, or ransoming no one. But these people, they act like they was right there, choosing the clothes right next to them confused ladies. It was hardly

Comment [KS4]: The description of the women on the TV show is exaggerating elements of their real behavior and style to draw out how ridiculous they are. By highlighting these ridiculous elements, the author intends to demonstrate that they are not respectable.

something worth all this hootin‟ and hollerin‟. Just when I thought something interesting was gonna happen, one a‟ the family up „nd decides to change the picture with one a‟ dem remote thingys. You ain‟t gonna believe me, but this picture was even more outrageous than the last. All these loud short people, skin colored like those small orange fruits the Widow likes, drinking some sort of hard whiskey or some such. They war all lookin‟ just like Pap after some quality time with his drink. Was there actually people out there like this? You shoulda heard these folks. “Snooki, you‟re my hero!” one crazy man was shouting. “Hit him! Yeah!” came another cry. “This is the best show ever! I wouldn‟t miss this for anything!” was the next. Then one stands up and says, “You know what Snooki, you just have a good cry. Yep, that‟s what you need, I‟m right here for you. He‟s done you one too many wrongs, buying the Herbal Essences Fruit Punch shampoo instead of the Spring Adventure is the very last straw,” as she makes her way up to the TeeVee and slowly caresses that Orange Woman‟s face on the TeeVee like she war right there. “You know what,” remarked a man sitting nearby in the general direction of the TeeVee, “I‟ve been thinking about getting my hair to look like yours, Pauly D. It looks so slick, you know? Natural too. It‟s only gotta take 3-4 hours a day to get that, but man would

Comment [KS5]: Satire often goes to ridiculous extremes to demonstrate a point. Sure, no real person watching Jersey Shore would ever approach their TV and caress an image of Snooki. But this author is using hyperbole, or exaggeration, to convey the idea that Americans often obsess with these reality stars to an unhealthy level.

that be worth it. Maybe I‟ll cut off my shirtsleeves too. Yeah, I think I‟d like that.” The sun was a-settin‟ so I had to get myself back to Jim, but I went and thanked that real housewife and all of her desperate family members, and went on my way. I found Jim in that same bush, and I tole him all about my day with the TeeVee. Well ole Jim, he just laughed and laughed at me. What was wrong with the man? I tole him he was crazy, and needed to see it for himself, but all he had to say was that, “That there‟s trash, „nd I ain‟t gwyne to buy into dat white man‟s toxin.” Well ole Jim, he just didn‟t get it, I guess. I mean, the flurry of camera angles, the makeup, the wholesome bar fights, it all just sucked me in right to the very last second, had

Comment [KS6]: Jim’s voice of reason in the midst of this ridiculousness mimics Twain’s characterization of Jim and Huck. The author is successfully caring the characters from the novel into his own piece. Jim’s voice of reason also asserts the author’s position: reality TV is often “trash” that acts like a “toxin” in our society.

me a-hangin‟ on ever little word. Wonder if the Widow ever heard a‟ such a picture, I think she might enjoy somethin‟ like it.