MY LIFE SO CLOSE TO NEVER HAPPEN
FIRST REVISION – TO BE CONTINUED
By FLORIAN T. WOS
MY LIFE SO CLOSE TO NEVER HAPPEN FIRST REVISION – TO BE CONTINUED
By FLORIAN T. WOS
Copyright © 2014/2015 Vailable Media, Berlin, Germany
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by photocopying or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage or retrieval systems without written permission of the publisher Vailable Media.
Printed and published through Amazon CreateSpace, a DBA of On-Demand Publishing, LLC.
First Draft Published, August 15, 2014
ISBN-13: 978-1508414476
Dedicated to my family and relatives.
With the hope for a new and good chapter.
CONTENTS1 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21.
PREFACE MY EARLY CHILDHOOD MY EARLY YEARS YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL SO CALLED FRIENDS MY APARTMENT MY FIRST HEALTH DECLINE MY NAME ON A VERY PATENT TIME IN MUNICH FIRST WEEKS BACK IN BERLIN MY SUPPOSED STARTUP FURTHER HEALTH DECLINE MY SUPPOSED SETUP THE FIRST MEMORIES CONNECTING THE FIRST DOTS MADE UP EMPLOYMENTS TWENTY TWELVE HOW I MET SOMEONE TWENTY FOURTEEN NEVER INTENDED THAT WAY AFTERWORDS
XIII
11 15 19 27 43 49 55 61 67 71 75 79 89 105 109 111 119 135 142 165 195
PREFACE
There are many scriptures based on true events in history that are unprecedented in their tragedy. From the holy scriptures, to some of Shakespeare’s works or Charles Dickens ‘Oliver Twist’. And there are so many great novels of our modern time that define social drama in the same way, unsurpassed in the detailing of complicated family-ties. Even until today.
As mostly everyone, I grew up with many of the XIII
PREFACE
same classic literature or common children's books. Always with the warm sense of security my two lovely parents raised me up with, certain my own life wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary and free from any such tragedy or drama. And I kept this sense of security until my late twenties, and even then – with lost friendships and abrupt health problems – I always had my gifted childhood and early youth to look back and rely on. Everything seemed to be so ordinary, so perfect.
And back then, it really had been all so perfect. But writing these first words now frightens me to be unable to cope with the rest of my actual life’s story that points back so far to this time. And even more because I came to know about the full outreach of it only about a year ago. But there is
14 | MY LIFE
PREFACE
no one else but me who would be allowed to write it down or even be still alive to do so. Apart from legal materials that are already in safe hands, it just took me more than this whole year to recover and regain enough memories to understand. Memories to a chain of events that might be enough to change this world to a better place if they are known. But as this later part of my life came more than once so close to never happen, it’s a fate that never really had been in my own hands.
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15
MY EARLY CHILDHOOD
I really had an almost perfect childhood, free from any abuse or tragedies. So fortunate growing up in the suburbs of occupied West-Berlin, but free to travel and with vast summer holidays and skiing vacations with my parents, grandparents and my two younger brothers. So privileged, playing as kids in our own garden. Even though it wasn’t always as easy due to the handicap of one of my brothers, I today realize how lucky and privileged I actually was.
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| 17
MY EARLY CHILDHOOD
I very well remember even my first day in kindergarten, how awake I already was that day being still so young. The first breakfasts we had together or recognizing the lack of supervision from the officials later on our first kindergarten vacation. Memorizing, how me and my very best friend Fabian pulled our heads wide outside the window of the train or a small wooden playground slide we broke on the first day. The sugary fruit tea they served in the youth hostel, or how me and Fabian – so typically – together burdened a box of our toys in his backyard the last year in kindergarten. Nothing but great memories. And there are so much more ordinary but great early memories. From the many summer holidays with my parents in our Volkswagen bus on auto ferries during trips to Denmark, Sweden or Norway. The typical diesel
18 | MY LIFE
MY EARLY CHILDHOOD
smell or duty-free shopping of danish chocolate I memorize so much from these ferries, and with how much love my mother prepared birthdays and Christmas eves for us 3 kids or the time my dad always spent working on the house or the many projects with buggies and wheelchairs to enhance assistance of my younger brother. With even more efforts so he was able to attended an integration class later. Or the breakup early in the morning, together with my grandparents and my mothers school class at a first skiing vacation to Italy, reading 'TinTin ' comics together with a student, and a panic that once broke loose when the passenger bus snow stuck on a very narrow pass in the dolomite mountains. It's terrific how detailed my memories to these very early years still are, despite what had been done to me many years later.
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19
MY EARLY YEARS
Even better I remember my first day in school, already so concerned picking the right clothes that morning, so curious how my school cone might look like. Even with a few tears during the first home works, I learned quick. And thanks to the many audio cassettes my mother bought me each time we visited a second hand store and also the many kids books i was given to read, I had nothing but A and B’s until my 3rd grade.
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| 21
MY EARLY YEARS
During the same time, I also reached my orange belt in Judo. An actual ironic coincidence as it turned out later, but as I simply never had any interest in Soccer or Basketball and I wasn’t allowed Karate, I ended up with Judo. And I really loved it. And despite one first tournament my mother likely had a tough time watching me loose, the training actually saved me from breaking my neck at a few harsh downhill incidences in my later years. Considering my later history, an irony in itself accounting to an underlying fate in my life to be disclosed in the later chapters.
Around the same time, my grandfather bought me an almanac detailing many of the inventions of our modern industrial age, including pictures of the works of Leonardo da Vinci that so much
22 | MY LIFE
MY EARLY YEARS
influenced me in these early years. And because I understood them so well, together with the Bvitamin laden bowl of ‘Fruit Loops’ each morning, but also the actual healthier nutrition my mother always cared so much about, the many inspiring Disney comics about inventions, I very early decided – or I rather simply knew – I wanted to become a great inventor one day. And as i came to know about it many many years later, I actually became one; even to a first part around that time already. Only that it wasn’t something I had intended with it, and so I was never allowed to know about it for the most part of my life. But as I still have to write these memories in chronological order, this very part – the part that turned out to be the most influential chapter in my life – I can only reveal later.
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23
MY EARLY YEARS
According to these early years in base school, always so distracted with my many interests and drawings, I have almost nothing but great memories with the exception of one first incident.
It happened to be a wire a classmate had pulled out of the fence near our basketball court and two classmates who ran into it playing catching, while I was later held accountable for it. And even though we had attached a stop sign made of paper, so everyone had to duck under it to pass by, I cried tears being pulled to the principle where one of the neighbor-class mates had a deep red bruise on his throat, because I couldn't understand how in the world we had this stupid idea that almost killed these two classmates. And I never did. But as it turned out more than 20 24 | MY LIFE
MY EARLY YEARS
years later – after I regained the actual memory of it – it never had been our own idea. But back then, I just considered it as a bad mistake we made. And even though a few teachers treated me like a lunatic from that day on and my grades dropped from A’s and B’s to mostly C’s that year, I received
my
comprehensive
school
recommendation and left base school with almost nothing but great memories.
But starting out from this very memory, connecting the dots backwards and even further backwards, it happened to be this one very first incident that finally allowed me to solve an incredible long chain of further events that went on for another 20 years. A chain of events, in my unique case – and due to my unique heritage -likely unprecedented in the history of mostly any
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25
MY EARLY YEARS
modern civil society, but still always favorable enough i survived and I was given the chance to become aware of it to write it all down so many years later. At least to this moment.
The summer holidays before high school I attended my first youth camp, already smoking cigarettes, well remembering how one of the supervisors pulled me on the ear from the front to the back of the bus the first day after other kids in the front had stolen candy from another camp mate. He later offered me to buy an ice as I threatened to report him, and thanks to a chat we had about his medical service and another specific memory from the conversation turned out to be another big part solving an almost infinite large puzzle when I recognized him in his later governmental office a few years ago. But 26 | MY LIFE
MY EARLY YEARS
back then, history still had to be written, and memories to the youth camp itself, my first girlfriend in the camp as a 12yr old and the friends I made right before high school were nothing but great. With the exception of starting cigarettes so early, pretty much the most gifted and well guarded early youth I could think of. A childhood I am almost ashamed about, knowing how tough a few others had it while I had been spared from any tragic circumstances back then.
It only had to be the memory of this short conversation that ended up being so incredible important to me almost 20 years later.
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27
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
From the mostly uninteresting environment of the suburban base school just a kilometer from our house, I then attended a comprehensive school in the middle of one of Berlin’s notorious housing projects, the ‘Maerkische Viertel’, just a few month later when I already lived with my dad after the divorce of my parents that just happened about the same time. And back then, I never had the slightest suspicion that even the divorce of my parents could be in any way related to myself or an unknown secret about my actual heritage. And I even liked the new friend of my mother and the
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| 29
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
vacations we had together with his kids, who were about the same age as me and my two younger
brothers.
Even
though
I
already
understood why my dad smashed the glass of our front door one night - his wrists bloody when the police arrived – when my mothers new friend stayed at our house. The house he spent so much work on, and he just accepted to leave so my mother could stay with us until the sale. Realizing today that even the breakup of my family back then is partly related to my very unique history is tough, but moving forward to my first years in high school, I only happened to be very privileged living alone with my dad. Even though much on my own so early, but always with enough pocket money and left un-bothered when friends stayed. Around that time – the months right before high school – most friends already
30 | MY LIFE
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
called me by the graffiti nickname – 'SCIR' / 'SCIA' - I gave myself being only 11 years old and I was later unable to shake off due to it’s shortness. So I kept it. Or – to be precise – it stuck to me.
During the first year in high-school, David – one of two best friends I also smoked my first cigarettes with and sprayed my first graffiti's in 6th
grade
and
–
who
went
to
a
2nd
comprehensive school right next to mine – usually waited already for me when his school closed
a
few
environment
minutes
from
these
earlier. housing
And
the
projects
distracted me very well from my homework, so busy smoking out or stealing as much spray-cans or cigarettes that could fit in a backpack together with David who always impressed me with the amount of criminal energy he had just as many
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31
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
other local kids back then. Still in 7th grade, i remember i already had reputation just for my nickname when new friends i made on my 2nd youth-travel mentioned they had been afraid knowing i would attend. But as soon as they came to know me, we just had a very nice time at the Swedish canoeing-camp. And except one memory – when older ones brought alcohol to the campfire and a Jenny in my age kicked me really harsh between the legs after i went a little bit to far cuddling around – i returned with nothing but great memories.
And for many years, i had only a very faint memory that just a few weeks later in school, a black dressed, quite furious and seemingly drunk woman urned up with Jenny on the hand, confronting me to be her mother and how “Jenny 32
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YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
now has to attend psychological counseling..” “because I had tried to rape her”. So i just asked Jenny if she really thought i tried to rape her that evening, and she – seemingly embarrassed about her mother – just returned.. “Nah, it's OK”, so we shook hands and i never remembered the incident as important again. And so I also never actually remembered that another few weeks later i had a weird feeling when i seemed to recognize the woman to work in our schools cafeteria – even handing me out the sandwiches by time. But as i wasn't sure to recognize her and certain there wasn't anything i had done, i did not think anything further of it nor did i even remember it later. The only thing I had indeed done leading to it might be to have voiced the wrong opinions so early, attracting a hostility I never knew of back then.
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33
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
Around the same time in 8th grade – usually already smoking out with others before school – i was already used to the feeling of a chronic fatigue and assumed my genetics would be just a little bit slow at a time when others started to grow their first facial hair already. And of course i accounted most of it to starting cigarettes so early, as my best friend Benjamin seemed to develop as slow as i did. Together with my short attention i was already used to since childhood, I also started to care less about school at that time. But clever I was, I often compiled my missing homework’s from the homework’s of other classmates, usually the very first minutes each morning when the teacher had already entered the room. And even though I was often late and received many warnings, I had mostly average grades during these first 2 years. 34 | MY LIFE
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
At that time, I also tried to calm down from the amount of action I had before; train surfing together with David and others – spray-can in one hand – climbing from one door to the next door between vacant train stations of the former east-Berlin when the historical wagons still allowed for the doors to be pulled open. Still only 13yrs young, one time even climbing on the roof of a running train together with David and then being arrested for a graffiti later on the same day. But as we were both still minors, we were free to go. A few weeks later my dad also flushed a larger amount of cannabis we had acquired to sell down the toilet, and due the brawl about his loss of the share, we weren’t much friends anymore for a time. Today, I can only guess how much harder he had it with his parents. But realizing how young we were leaves me stunned every-time
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35
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
i look back to it. It's terrific that in just these same weeks before my 14th Birthday in 1996 – already quite advanced with my drawing skills having started graffiti so early at the age of 11 – I also happen to become part in the very two inventions that almost 20 years later not only turned my own life into the worst nightmare I could have ever imagined, but in fact altered the whole world to something I never intended. But due to very rare circumstances leading to these 2 short encounters with 2 older ones of my remote familiar background making it possible, this very most important piece of not just my own history can only be understood from the broader perspective during the later chapters.
Although I calmed further down when I turned 15 in 9th grade, there are still many vast anecdotes 36 | MY LIFE
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
with David and later Benjamin that could fill a whole book on it’s own. But even though I know today that not only David and Benjamin and also few other classmates must partly have known about my actual heritage that unrevealed to me just recently, I still can’t say they had not been my actual friends.
And apart from the mutual circle of friends from my school, there were so many new individuals I considered to be real friends each other year. From a Christopher who attended the same courses I did right when I didn’t hang out with Benjamin for a time. And when I didn’t hang out with Christopher anymore, there happened to be Daniel who just moved to my school, and later Hendrik who just turned up in my neighborhood and I went to my first youth sailing to Amsterdam
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37
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
where I had my second short relationship with Constance. And a year later on my second vacation to Amsterdam, there happened to be Julia, my third very short relationship. And during all these years, and even by times talking about a certain topic, I never had the slightest clue that all of them – and even without one single exception – had become my friends due to their very own family background. And even less because of my own influential heritage but also likely the rumor I had invented something very special before 8th grade – at least their parents must have known about – while i never even knew about it myself.
And so these friendships usually lasted always as long until i voiced opinions in the wrong direction, even ending in a very hostile moment 38
| MY LIFE
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
with a girl I realized later I could have been so happy in the previous 10 years if I had just known about her close ties. But it also happened a classmate ones tried to warn me that some of my so called friends wouldn’t be my actual friends and that there must be something special about my heritage a few others seem to know about, even though i must have never remembered it the next day. But I just never had enough such weird moments during these years to connect any of these dots. And I also wasn't unpopular or even disliked to have any reason to be suspicious about any new friends I made each other year.
During my mid-therm in high school, just like my grades had dropped from A to C in base school, my grades dropped even lower so i had to repeat 9th grade. And still, I always accounted it
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39
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
to the lack of focus I had by times and the bad reputation I already had with many teachers, and even later to school hours I missed unexcused the last year, but never with the slightest suspicion there could be anything more to it, even including my later class-teacher in 9th grade. I had not only gained a reputation for smoking cannabis and being next to Benjamin one of a few students my class teacher did not allow to attend the skiing vacation in the last year, I also felt a quickly growing hostility about my person from certain students the very last months in 10th grade without seeing any reason for it. And it not only turned out to be my class teacher Miss Cz. who smiled, handing me my very low grade on the last day,
it
turned
out
that
even
my
later
developments had an actual agenda behind them – with her being even a direct part in it 12 years 40 | MY LIFE
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
later. But fortunately, i had not become aware of it back then, otherwise it likely might have ended up in just another typical dramatic news headline. And even more faithfully, i still had not been aware of it when i recognized her on public transit in 2011, curious about a strong sense of heat in my left chest and wondering if something had happened just a few seconds earlier. But fully unaware what unbelievable evil indeed happened and out of what hostile reason – a reason I could have never even remotely imagined back then – i only made a photo of her.
I also never realized that during almost all of my youth-camps – and even the few short school vacations – there had always been the same organizer 'Frank' in the background. Sometimes with a different name as one of the supervisors
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41
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
but never in direct contact with me, sometimes just as the organizer, but always in the background, even at daily school trips. I now memorize that he even must have been a supervisor at one very first pathfinder tent gathering i attended, but for a specific reason i never recognized him during all these years. And as it turned out, it had been part of his actual job that i would never recognize him to be able to watch out for me – and likely some other kids from unknown privileged heritages too – as he actually told me in person many years later. And even then, i just recognized him as familiar until i regained memories to the short conversation that even further helped me to understand the full outreach of my unique history.
42
| MY LIFE
YEARS IN HIGHSCHOOL
But still, even with every additional fraction of the puzzle I was able to regain one after the other, it took so incredible much more time and additional incidents during the recent month to finally understand everything.
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43
SO CALLED FRIENDS
Around that time during the last 2 years in high school, i also became friends with N., i knew since childhood due to our parents contacts. And as his mother had been close with my mother since years, i pretty soon considered him as my best friend too. In fact – as i never remembered anything bad from a few family gatherings we had as kids – i actually felt really good about our later
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| 45
SO CALLED FRIENDS
mutual friends, Denny, Jessy and others and considered him and the new peer-group as rather harmless compared to most of my previous graffiti background. And i didn't even notice that many from my previous background even seemed to avoid us during that time, with no further troubles on Fridays when we turned 18 already. But it turned out that these latest friends – the ones i even considered as harmless – were the ones who some day decided to do anything to destroy my life. And not even due to biased opinions I by times voiced about a certain topic or to some extend because I never gave them enough respect due to a graffiti reputation i had a few years earlier, but simply out of plain jealousy knowing about my actual heritage and that my name ended up on a highly admired patent already. But apart from a few hostile moments
46 | MY LIFE
SO CALLED FRIENDS
during my last year in high school – i always accounted to my early reputation from around 12 to 15, a reputation of my nickname i was never really able to live up with later – i never had any suspicions. There just had never been the slightest hint my life would be anything out of the ordinary, even though I sometimes felt like the small world I grew up in would only turn around me. And knowing about it today, it's hard to find words how much my subconscious must have tried to keep me away from these later friends because of what they had already done to me back then. But as i never had any memory of it, they continued to be my friends even until later in my own apartment.
The months right after high school – when i still lived with my dad – I went to a one year training
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47
SO CALLED FRIENDS
course to actually regain the medium degree I was supposed to leave high school with to be able to directly attend further education. At a time when I was already so angered about the low grade – never with any suspicion my very class teacher Miss Cz. could have had such a part in my reputation with other teachers – together with a few late arrivals i was dismissed about a half year into the course in late 2000, but I also didn’t really care about it anymore. Confident in my graphics, i was sure I’d be able to be successful in some way even without further education,
but
never
with
the
slightest
assumption that there could be so hostile interests covertly trying to keep me unsuccessful by any means necessary or even damaging my brain intentionally. Nor could I have even remotely thought of any reason for it. 48
| MY LIFE
SO CALLED FRIENDS
In fact, how could anyone else in the world guessed
it
from
the
perspective
my
life
unrevealed so late to me? Still at the course, i had learned how to cut videos and made actual plans to shoot my first music video. But as soon as i told my friend N. about professional color grading and how easy it is with a computer to create a cinematic look, it ended up in a very awkward dispute I later also wondered about the reason for it. Many years later i remembered what else happened that very day, partly because of this dispute. Another incident, I – to my luck – never
had
any
memories
to
until
other
circumstances allowed me to regain almost every single detail of it.
During the later months in 1999 – around the same time i ordered an early demo of a specific
SO CLOSE TO NEVER HAPPEN |
49
SO CALLED FRIENDS
animation software i intended to study – a software that also had an important part later, gathering a few talented minds – I also became curious about my health for the first time. But i still never had the slightest suspicions nor did i even remember i once even pulled my dad's girlfriend on the arm, throwing her – together with a certain book I only felt anxious about – out the apartment. I just never remembered it. Nor could i ever have guessed that someone i considered my best friend could be so envious and hostile about me. So hostile he already tried everything in advance I'd never read the book at all, knowing the status I would be immediately granted due to my involvement in not just one, but even two related developments. But even with the differences we had by time, there was nothing to be even remotely suspicious about. 50 | MY LIFE
MY APARTMENT
And after a quick bankruptcy of my dad just during the same month when I did not attend this course anymore, I shortly moved into the next best apartment I arranged myself – smart enough i still was – with the help of the local welfare office in April 2001. Still just 18 years old, I spent the first months with my so called ‘friends’ at my apartment smoking out, not realizing how i soon became unable to focus on even the easiest daily tasks, until I quickly had the first financial problems and shifted my focus to graphics and web design, usually spending 16 hours or more a
SO CLOSE TO NEVER HAPPEN
| 51
MY APARTMENT
day on my first computer. Even, including Friday nights, when a few month later my health dropped so abruptly, i also quit smoking altogether and i didn’t go out anymore on weekends. But it all just begun.
I remember Denny, who i seemed to know pretty well but increasingly felt talking behind my back by times. And so it happened i once accidentally snapped his finger when he played around, pointing my own blank firing gun onto me. But concerned about his reputation pretended to be not broken before leaving with an excuse. And so a few month later, when he visited me again, pretending to smoke only a little bit from cannabis he brought due to his new driving license, he told me a few days later it could have been poisoned with lead. But as i felt no effects of
52 | MY LIFE
MY APARTMENT
it, i just threw the rest of it away, never even remotely thinking he could have known of it before, as sort of a retaliation for the broken finger or even out of another unknown hostility about me. It alone just wasn't enough reason he could have done it intentionally. And months later i only had a very faint memory he once stood on a chair and did something with small snap connector on my ceiling, but as i closely inspected it, there was nothing suspicious about it. Only my memory of a brawl with his girlfriend Simone and the incident with his broken finger turned out to be so important to understand how they tried to get me imprisoned several years later. Unfortunately a detail I’m unable to go further into.
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53
MY APARTMENT
Around the same time, a new neighbor, Sasha – i only recognized as familiar back then – had moved in the apartment above me right before my health dropped again. I felt a weird dizziness, researched in all sorts of causes for my health problems, actually even considered it could be in fact radio- or microwaves causing this weird feeling as soon as I came home. But as i did not see any plausible reason for it, i shortly replaced the cheap carpet floor with laminate and tried to vent as much as possible. I also adapted to it to some extend, even with increasing fatigue whenever i tried to get work done. And as i became neck problems pretty quick, and already worked standing in front of the PC i had elevated, i once felt a sharp pain in the back of my head and ended up in the hospital for the first time, were a liquor sample was taken from my spinal 54
| MY LIFE
MY APARTMENT
cord, tested for blood in case of a brain lesion, but without a result – of course. And if destiny couldn’t be any more ironic, a short en-devour with an older female practitioner in the hospital that day – who later turned out to be mother of a girl i had been friends with in high school – became the very most important piece of memory when i was finally able to confirm her running also for a high governmental office many years later. Another so very important piece, without I might have never been able to actually understand all these random incidents. But as i partly owe her my life from a later point – and responsible I am despite another incident reversing it – her name will never be disclosed.
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55
MY FIRST HEALTH DECLINE
During these first 3 years, I had increasingly appointments with practitioners trying to find an answer for my returning health problems and increasing motion sickness. Especially because i had quit smoking altogether and became firm about healthier nutrition. But every time I voiced my assumption of a possible lead poisoning or endocrine issue – considering I also had started
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MY FIRST HEALTH DECLINE
smoking cigarettes so early – I ended up having many arguments with practitioners who always and usually without any further testing pointed onto a mental cause for my health decline. And so i visited an endocrine facility in the city, knowing they could run the right blood tests. And even though the tests confirmed a slightly low thyroid function, i do even more remember that the Professor there once slightly pointed to my actual Russian heritage assuming i would know about And even more, that during a later appointment – when he realized i did not even know of my actual father – he gave me a container of radioactive iodine to hold and left the room for a short time. I can today not fully confirm if he could have intended to give my thyroid a mild kick-start to look if the TSH normalizes, or – what i rather assume, as i was
58 | MY LIFE
MY FIRST HEALTH DECLINE
not instructed about it and only remembered it month later – intended to cause an even lower thyroid function. I can only guess the reason for it, either to keep me as a patient knowing the influence of my heritage or because of opinions i voiced. But according to someone mentioning it later, he had been likely involved at a later point and gave advice how to influence my physical appearance during a time around 2008.
And as it turned out so many years later, my own underlying hostility about a certain topic always had a very specific reason, without even remotely knowing how much had happen to me back then already. And even less, how much of a threat i could be considered because of an unknown heritage that could allow me further influence at a later point in life. Or how far some individuals
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59
MY FIRST HEALTH DECLINE
could go to subdue me, sicken me or even try to kill me by any means – not just additional to my possible memory of my commitment to a specific later classified patent – but out of shear envy.
And still, it had been just a few opinions i voiced that must have brought so much hostile attention onto me. But even though i always felt something being awkward in my life – I assumed would apply to everyone by times – i never had the slightest clue there could be such an incredible hostile attention to my person. And even less as i later became to see with my own eyes when my very best kindergarten friend revealed to me he used to be one of the early accountants of it and they'd been studying me almost my entire life.
60 | MY LIFE
MY FIRST HEALTH DECLINE
And it even turned out to be way more than that. An outreach and exploitation of a single life – despite it possibly happens to other influential heritages to some extend – in my very unique case likely unprecedented in our modern history.
And even after regaining all the actually missing pieces and getting to know about the unique circumstances of my early part in two inventions leading to it, and the microwave powered cameras I had been watched even in the bathroom from the first day in my apartment – trying to write it all down – it turned out to be only be a fraction of the puzzle.
But back then, having the first severe health issues and headaches, I never had the slightest clue of anything at all.
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61
MY NAME ON A VERY PATENT
But i soon adapted to my developing motion sickness, an increasing strong lack of drive and the fact i received welfare, unable to find a job without any formal qualifications in my fields of interest. But as long as i was able continue my own studies, i soon got used to being mostly alone in this apartment, with the few exceptions of birthdays and Christmas eves with my family and the last new year eves with Jessy and a friend of his.
Actually it had been Jessy – still hanging around by times – who i considered the most harmless and
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MY NAME ON A VERY PATENT
trustful last friend i had. Until other memories allowed me to regain a memory how he once asked me about a very special device i must have co-invented as a 14yr old and if i know about it. And when he showed me a patent excerpt on a print-copy that had my name on it – astonished i was, but then remembering how i indeed had suggested and drawn the form-factor of the device – we pulled up a Google result with the help of the patent number, confirming my name on it as something like 'FLORIAN (S.C.I.A.) WOS', (an actual typo of my graffiti nickname in the middle with an obvious ironic intent of the US-affiliated one who co-invented it with me.) But the next day i never remembered it at all. And so i also never remembered for almost 10 years how he held something on my right temple – left handed i am – and then also the back of my head
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that day, even confirming he'd be getting 500 Euros for doing it from our mutual friend N. And so i also never remembered another incident when he scratched the back of my hand with something, right before some of my old graffiti background came into the bus and a brawl that broke loose, breaking his wrist and one of them shouting to me, “Don't you know what these envious bastards do to you?! They're about to kill you!” But i just sat there.. drugged, unable to realize or even return anything. But a few minutes later, when he once again held something to my right temple, i also never remembered it and went home if nothing had happened. And again, all these memories turned out to be so important after i finally regained them too.
Just about the same time, i visited Denny once
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again, and as he had become a chef, we ate together with his new girlfriend. And the only thing specific i first remembered is how he later made a joke, if he can try to hypnotize me, but before coming back to it, asked me to smell on the flask of a peppermint oil he bought. But even though i expected some shady effect of it, i didn't expect anything really hostile. And when he asked me to follow a pendulum with my eyes, i quickly confirmed hypnosis wouldn't work with me. At least, that is how i remembered it for so many years, never knowing anything about hypnosis or that hypnosis is indeed a scientific proven leftover from our evolution, and only pretty
much
concealed
from
the
public
perception. And so we drank another beer and i left later that evening. Another last time when we met in a pub and came to my interest in 66 | MY LIFE
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computer graphics, he mentioned that his old girlfriend Simone would use the same software i study during her degree, but i just never had any reason to remember it as important. It must have been the same week, when he once joked around, that thanks to me, he'd been getting a job at the BND – Germany’s foreign intelligence service. And yet again, i never remembered it until so many years later, that he indeed gave me a long list of hypnotic suggestions to always avoid a specific topic, to never be interested in hypnosis and also a few nasty habits according to instructions he had been given. And the same way i never remembered it after previous incidents, i also regained the memory how he also held a metallic piece to my temple, actually even telling me who lent it to him and that i might even get a brain tumor from it one day.
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The following months, unaware of anything that already happened to me, i continued with my studies in this software, with many rests inbetween when my stress-level and fatigue increased so much that I fell exhausted on the bed each other hour. So abruptly exhausted whenever i tried to get any work done, i already assumed my computer monitor would trigger it to some extent with a neurological related cause of it. But i got further used to this incredible strong feeling of stress and then finally found a job-offer from a company in Munich, listing the software i specialized in. And after a short job interview, i signed my employment contract and relocated a few month later to an 18 sq m apartment i had arranged at another 3-day stay before.
68
| MY LIFE
TIME IN MUNICH
I well remember the senior owner 'Franz' already waiting for me when i arrived with the taxi from the airport with my luggage, painfully going through every detail until finally handing me over the keys. Yet it took another copy of my passport and my employment contract i was finally not bothered anymore. I never thought anything of it, only put a small piece of paper in the door each
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TIME IN MUNICH
morning, assuming he could be the type of owner searching through a tenants stuff. I also noticed a dull glimmer of the ceiling light that felt unpleasant looking into at night. But for a reason, i did not think of it as an infrared light source, even though i am sure i must have known about it.
At my job, i met several very highly intelligent but also prominent people i only recognized many years later. And so i spent the first weeks on the job when the owner often already waited in front of the apartment, always with an excuse or another advice to take care of. Actually, i had once turned down all power utility to see if the glimmer remains and stuck paper into a few suspicious holes in a sidewall when the owner called me through the reception at my workplace
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the other day, asking if i had manipulated the power utility. And as i later agreed to look for a new apartment as the owner offered to not charge for the 2 weeks of rent, i remembered month later that i had already paid rent in cash and the owner had even flashed a gun out of his jacket after i handed over the keys, mentioning it wouldn't matter if i report anything as 'he'd be friends with the local police'. But i did not even remember it back then.
And so i found a stay in the basement of 2 seniors on the edge of city for the remaining few weeks before I was dismissed for differences with my supervisor, Marcus. A Marcus i only recognized as familiar, but never enough to remember him as an older student from high-school. And despite some nice memories of a skiing weekend
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TIME IN MUNICH
i attended, and 2 short disputes with the supervisor and a co-worker Simone, i returned without any specific memories. Only, that the flight back had so harsh turbulence that i almost hit the ceiling, so i started to laugh for a second – receiving a frightened look from a passenger next to me – thinking to myself.. 'How would it matter if i die today, being unemployed once again?'.
But somehow, after coming back to this chapter it all had to be part in my destiny, with the coincidence of this just very turbulent flight back home as the beginning of the worst nightmare I could ever have dreamed of.
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| MY LIFE
FIRST WEEKS BACK IN BERLIN
I knew what awaited me back in Berlin; my old apartment i decided to keep during my probation at the job and even more work to pay the bills. Just about the same first weeks, i also noticed my former best friend N. becoming successful as part of a punk-band, but also realized how much more mature i must have become compared their type of music and some former friends surrounding them, still smoking out. And knowing that he had just recently moved out of their parents house – as my mother told me once – I never thought anything of it when i happened to met him again before the
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train station wearing a t-shirt with their band logo. And so we just had a chat and i made a joke how he would remind me to a female politician on one of their early press photos. And as his train arrived, we shook hands and i went home, only wondering about a strong sense of heat on the back of my head and neck. But once again, i had not the slightest memory what just happened seconds before nor did i really remember it the next day. And so i also didn’t even remember much from the first time back in Berlin, only that i later felt an increasingly strong fatigue, almost as wearing a motorcycle helmet and i became jittery hands, unable to even draw a straight line for a few months. But just like i got used to a few previous declines of my abilities, i pretty soon adapted to it.
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I also spent most of my time working on the computer, so i did not really took note how much handicapped i became the following months. About a year later i filed for welfare once again, this time with a small bonus of entrepreneurial support and a business plan as provider for architectural graphics. But I soon ended up in a threat-mill of an unbelievable strong lack of drive and double paperwork with the unemploymentand tax office, even though I had paid work to finish. Work that would account for about the same amount of welfare i would receive for a whole year and to be returned later. But it happened to be only the beginning. Never remembering the actual position I was offered at my job, I just found myself back in my very apartment.
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After i had not much success finding additional clients, besides one architect referred to me by a relative, i finally had a look into affiliate marketing and found a Swedish PHP coder 'Simon' in a forum i started working together on a loose 50/50 agreement on a start-up idea i had. And after Simon even send me a copy of his passport and we had a video-chat, i spent – yet again – 16 and
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more hours a day, 7 days a week – with the only exception of birthday, Christmas and new year with my family – even investing 2700 euros i barely had over the months into the rental of a server for our start-up i later renamed into 'CloudParking'. A new type of domain parking service with content caching which we intended to sell to a competitor, and I expected at least enough to be able to relocate to another apartment with separate kitchen to get my life in order – even if only for a short amount of time. A new start that could have been so important to finally get out of the depressive hole that already developed additional to my health issues.
During the following 2 years – managing the server out of my single room apartment, creating the interface concept, content, terms and
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documentation – while Simon did the actual quite advanced development and back-end i could never have guessed even remotely that my former
friend
N.
together
with
previous
coworkers from Munich intended to keep me financially dependent by any means, obviously having a lot of fun trying to trigger negative chat comments about my unknown heritage, Russia. Nor could I ever have guessed N. poisoned me already. But getting to know of it took so much more pieces of an incredibly larger puzzle and many many other incidents that took place years later.
Incidents and revealings related to my actual heritage that turned out to be so incredible in their full outreach, I am to this moment still completely stunned by them, and even more
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MY SUPPOSED STARTUP
uncertain how much I'd be able to detail them in contrast to recent international developments that took place in the previous months.
After I already thought so many times to have finally reached the bottom of it, every single time turned out to be more complicated, until I was finally able to understand the whole underlying tragedy, how many life's it affected and how my part had be the origin in the very beginning.
To this moment – a time I came back to a part in this chapter – I am already writing these missing pieces with the assumption nothing of it will ever been known outside the perimeter of those who already knew about me for many years, but back then I only felt extremely unfortunate without any answers for it. 80 | MY LIFE
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Just around this time, when i was so burned out from these two years of work already and 'Simon' revealed to me that he'll further attend college and not finish the last 5 percent of the programming, i became quite severe heart and digestive problems. So severe, i once fainted away for a few seconds when my heart skipped a few beats after lunch and i called a taxi to the hospital. And when the usual blood-test in the hospital showed no result and they only suggested me to find mental treatment, i was almost thrown out the hospital later the
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evening. And when my heartburn became even worse – with a heart rate of up to 160 beats slowly walking – i quickly lost a lot of weight. Unable to eat much, taking prescription acid blockers that only helped for a short time. I instead pulled myself – pale and skinny i became quickly – from one
practitioner
to
the
next.
From
a
gastroenteritis, to a cardiologist, later MRI, and also spectroscopy, i realized i must have reached the lowest point in my life, so broke, skinny and without almost no social ties already.
And if i had died that time, no-one would have asked any questions, not only due to the uneducated formal status i had – and I still have today – but also rumors spread around the same time, as i came to know about so many years later.
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And it had been so well orchestrated. Depressed i obviously was about the loss of the two full years of work and a welfare precipitant without friends i had become, simultaneously at a time when my former best friend N. became an actual celebrity with his band, surrounded by our former circle of mutual friends, playing for the first time on the largest festivals in Germany.
And for a second, i wondered about the timely correlation myself, knowing not only my mother could think I’m having a crisis because i had intended to make music myself in my youth while he became successful with it. And in fact, if they had done the type of music i actually cared about back then, it could really have affected me to some extent. But instead, they resembled more of a comedy-genre with an obvious childish band
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FURTHER HEALTH DECLINE
logo, and so it never really bothered me. Even though I indeed wondered how they were getting so much hype in such a short timeframe, not remotely knowing about privileges N. could have due to his family background. But the actual psychological nightmare related to him revealed to me many years later, only in a much different way then expected.
Back then, i also accounted my health problems to a tooth infection i had just about the same time – the first and only tooth filling i still have today. And so i had simultaneously appointments with a dentist and a first root canal surgery. But it's not that the tooth infection had been an actual cause for all these severe health issues. As it turned out so many years later – thanks to a confirmation by others involved – i not only 84 | MY LIFE
FURTHER HEALTH DECLINE
survived multiple radioactive damage to the back of my head and pancreas by N. and even to my heartmuscle by my own high-school teacher Miss Cz. later in 2011. I also survived poisoning from a pesticide after N. once turned up in my apartment one night – having a 2nd key only Jessy could have copied – giving me another long list of hypnotic suggestions, and actually even telling me in person 'It's DDT', when i asked about a white spray flask he had. But regaining this incident too, and even the hostility leading to it took until several month later to even remember half of the details.
I later also survived an unknown bacterial infection that returned several times i went of antibiotics i was prescribed at another hospital stay. And back then, i could never have guessed
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FURTHER HEALTH DECLINE
there could be a specific hostile reason for all these health issues, nor that it could have even started already in 7th grade – as unbelievable it is. And so i continued to have appointments at a Dr. in the same office in the city used to have appointments with a female doctor before. But he soon
became
very
unfriendly,
even
once
mentioned when i asked about the former practitioner, that “he had to dismiss her.. because she had started to care about me” and that he was also asked by his clients from the US embassy, “why i would always run around there”, and “if i would try to make them all crazy?”. And even though he also held a metallic piece to my right temple so i never remembered the conversation until many years later – ironically as it turned out – i indeed often walked by a 2nd smaller USembassy just around the corner, not even aware 86 | MY LIFE
FURTHER HEALTH DECLINE
of it or that I could be considered a Russian due to a father i also did not even know of back then. The most ironic moments turned out that i often threw my drink bottle – i usually bought at the train-station – in the first bin right before the embassy, just walking the less frequented street to avoid the masses of tourists on the main street. Even making a short rest or once tying my shoe right on the park bank in front of it, wondering about being photographed by a suspicious senior couple. Around that time, i also googled the names of former co-workers Simone and Marcus, possibly out of a first underlying feeling the loss of my 2 years of work with Simon could somehow be related to my work in Munich, but never with the slightest clue how close and far back my ties to the company could be or the actual field of research in the background. And despite my
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many Google queries in certain fields, including microwave equipment, i still not had the slightest clue under how much attention i could be, being right in the middle of the most classified research of our modern time due a very device i once coinvented so incredibly early. I didn't know or even remembered anything of it at all.
And when my digestive and heart issues became worse, i visited the practitioner for another receipt, when the Dr. almost pushed me out the office, assuming i had a direct hostile intent visiting him. But still, i didn't know about his USembassy affiliation and that they internally had discussed my so called 'case file', aware of the Munich company i had worked for – or that he even could be in liaison with the sister of a close schoolfriend, assuming knowing of another very 88
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important incident in high school. I just picked the office as it was the shortest distance from the cities train-station, so severe health issues I had and barely able to walk that time. And back then, even i though I assumed to be poisoned from something, i never had any clue of these connections at all or in how much danger i could be in. I today can still only guess the social connections of some involved and coincidences that brought even further attention onto me, but the assumption I could know of anything could have been enough on it's own. Later I understood that I had made several photos waiting for an appointment in the embassy-near office when my iphone had been monitored already, it all added to the reason for what happened next. Even though these individuals acted on their own.
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MY SUPPOSED SETUP
I remember when i came home that evening, i quickly became so severe heartburn and fainted for a short time that i first considered calling the ambulance again, but then just took another acid blocker and felt in the bed, creating a wallpaper for my iphone in german; 'To my family. I'll always love you' as i was afraid i might finally just die that night, not knowing the symptoms just increased in
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my apartment due to the pesticide N. had spread around. Actually to my luck, remembering I had not survived another direct damage to my heart muscle after a previous encounter with someone else.
Sometime later that night – as i was finally able to reconstruct it for the first time in late 2013 – i was pulled out the bed and almost carried by the arms out the apartment to a van. As i slowly woke up,
drugged – assuming a scopolamine drug-
cocktail as i came to know later – i was interrogated by 3 persons i later identified as my actual Dr., together with the father and the sister of a former schoolfriend. And after i mistook his sister – drugged i was – for my Munich co-worker Simone, the father made a phone-call to 'his colleges' as he said. As they arrived, it must have
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been several hours later as i quite well remember the actual Simone yelling at me: 'if i had an idea they drove 700km from Munich only for me.' After they introduced each other, i found myself between my previous supervisor Marcus and Simone in the back of a car when it was still dark outside, while the Dr. explained at the door that some device - 'an antique from the 1970' as he explained – just needs the buttons pressed randomly, it wouldn't matter. The next i remember is finding myself at a Train-station with Marcus speaking on a headset they had attached to my ear – but i felt was there with me, so drugged they made me – who was giving me orders to take the next train to a specific station and that an employer of them would take care throwing me out if i arrive. Apart from a really faint memory in the train, and then walking
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MY SUPPOSED SETUP
along a lonely road, very early in the morning – forest to the left – i mostly remember a very intense, colored flickering and about 3 persons jumping out of a van, one of them yelling: 'quick, he could die', before i passed out. The next memories are very dull; Sitting in a bus station already daylight, cars passing by, being asked by a local teenager if I'm on drugs and if knew where i am, until i was picked up again. I remember that this time i actually recognized Marcus holding the shoebox size device out the window, but then pulling me in directly in as i was already close enough to the door. I even asked: 'That's a horn antenna, right?' The next memories are quite brighter, probably because they intended me to be able to walk straight.
I was in the back of a van, together with Marcus, 94 | MY LIFE
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Simone and another former employer, but interestingly also a quite prominent publisher – i remembered later Simone introduced me at my job – while Simone attached a small device about the size of a deck of cards to my chest and Marcus fiddling with a set of sophisticated video glasses he put me on several times for adjustments, but no-one talking much except short orders like 'hold this for a second etc.' Until i was being moved out and back into the van several times, and about 30 shots were fired close and also at distance with a lot of hectic, voices breaking loose until everything calmed down again. Moments later, pulled out of the van once again, put on my knees, i was surrounded by about 10 people, including my Dr., the father and the sister of my schoolfriend, my former neighbor Sasha who must have turned up later, but also another
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95
MY SUPPOSED SETUP
person i was able to identify months later – until just a few seconds later a group of about 10 very advanced armed soldiers broke out of the bushes screaming
'freeze,
drop your weapons'
in
German. Under them a former classmate, who actually got close enough so i was able to recognize him. Another moment later, one of the disarmed around me remarked 'Oh oh, that's Frank' – the Frank I barely recognized as supervisor introduced
from
my
himself
youth-travels as
–
who
'Militärischer
Abschirmdienst' (Germany's military police) – and gave orders to also disarm someone of the bystanders who still had a weapon at this point.
The next i remember is how the sister of my schoolfriend was hysterically yelling: 'That's the end of the whole company, the end of .…' (the 96 | MY LIFE
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companies name left out) and then everyone else around started arguing whether or not to sell their companies shares, until Marcus gave an announcement in German 'Everyone stay calm! No-one sells his shares, as ……… (The companies founder) is going to refund all of you'. Yet a lot of them tried to sell their stocks anyway, and it's quite obvious on the companies stock history from that day. But the following memory is the worst one, as my former neighbor Sasha pushed my head to the ground right next to a heavy metal enclosure with an opening he had pulled out the trunk of his car – what i also realized must be radioactive that moment, but not the reason for it – so i tried to pull my head away from it, asking 'do you want me to get cancer?' until i lost consciousness. And then 'Frank' gave orders to put me 'just as far away as possible' and
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97
MY SUPPOSED SETUP
someone else, possibly filming everything, yelled 'OK, everything on start again' until a taxi driver waited with his door open, ordered me to get in quick. Front seat in the taxi, still highly drugged, i recognized someone i knew since high school, talking with his girlfriend – which I also knew from high-school- turning on the speaker of his phone so i could hear her voice, repeating a few times: 'Listen, I'll leave you if you don't return him home.. you hear me?'. I owe her my life, even though they both must have known to some extent what had been done to me the years before. He drove me back to Berlin – i remember it was raining outside – waited for the bus that drives directly by my house and ordered me to jump into it, then picked me up again right before my house, very careful to stay outside my field of vision, holding the Walkman sized 98
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hypnosis inducing microwave device in his hands – the very device I later realized I even had once co-invented right before my 14th birthday due to some very unique circumstances more detailed in a later chapter – when he entered my apartment with me and then hypnotically suggested me to create a specific internet profile related to a news announcement, so they – 'the government he'd work for' as he said – could find me. After that, he also held a metallic piece to my right temple and left.
And so – without any memories to everything that happened – i turned on the TV that day and created the profile if out of my own intent, but not even further following the media coverage due to so much work I had. But then wondering about a week later how I came to the decision at
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99
MY SUPPOSED SETUP
all, knowing someone might be personally offended by it and it could only attract legal trouble. So i deleted it. Ironically, i even visited the office of the Dr. a last time a few months later when i needed another receipt for acid blockers – still so severe heartburn and heart issues i had – where they had a security on the front door failing to recognize me – and the Dr., upset about the security guard, shouted something like 'they're going to install a camera in the elevator just for me now' and also 'if he could delete my client file, as i would not come anymore'. And yet again, together with a memory how he even once pulled a metallic rod from his shelf pretending to test my reflexes with it, but then pointing it onto my stomach – until i shruck when i realized it must be radiation – i regained all these memories for the first time only recently. So something 100 | MY LIFE
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must have happened right after it. About 2 month later, when my health issues returned, i realized that the actual person involved on that day I later identified from a press-photo could be indeed the new tenant in the apartment diagonally above me, but as he appeared to be much younger, with a young wife, a young kid and a different name i never really believed it. I already had met him many times on the floor, always friendly and never wearing a square shaped wrist watch that later helped me to almost confirm his identity. Only he had it intentionally on the right arm. But back then, i still had no memories of anything. Or that parts of my own government could already be involved in the case or even conceal it later, to avoid exposure of their own ties to international developments related to the hypnosis inducing
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101
MY SUPPOSED SETUP
microwave device. The device that – together with a second device – sold to celebrities and influential individuals worldwide and took part in almost all political developments since the millennium.
Today, i can still only guess the actual intent behind all that, either to blackmail my actual father with a set of video evidence, showing me how i all on my own took the train on that day and how i returned home later or if they really intended to lock me away so i would be prevented from internet access for many years, unable to further study into a specific field of research or even expose a for so many decades well kept secret; The use of a potent hypnotic scopolamine cocktail by secret societies and private agencies worldwide, and 102
| MY LIFE
later even more powerful
MY SUPPOSED SETUP
hypnosis-inducing microwave transmitter that immediately renders the victim out of any free will with almost no later memories, paired with the use of radioactivity to further cause a radiation induced amnesia of the temporal lobe.
But as it turned out later, wondering how I was allowed to survive for so many years, it also happened
to
be
my
involvement
in
the
development of the very device in my early youth – not even fully understanding the actual effectiveness of it – and because my possible memory of the later classified patent that had once my name on it. And in fact, even though I first assumed a specific group as the origin of it, it later turned out that they had been unhappy about these developments in the upper structures of secret societies themselves, even siding with
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MY SUPPOSED SETUP
me and saving my life at a later point.
But the few individuals who intended all of it, also must also have believed they just need to threaten me long enough i would hysterically call authorities, assuming the new neighbor might have tried to poison me when my health declined again. But faithfully, i did not realize the threat so early back then and had much luck to survive what happened later. Just the same time i also had another dental surgery when also my tooth infection returned once again, and i mostly accounted my health issues for it in the following month. Until i ended up in the hospital another 3 times, and a 4th time by an ambulance after i went of antibiotics and my heart started beating irregularly one morning. A side effect, that to my knowledge today only set in because my heart 104
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muscle was so damaged already. But still, i did not realize the immediate danger without any actual memories to the happenings. Instead a doctor at the hospital must have further reported my case and for an unknown reason i recovered after that, probably also due to orders of my actual father who for the first time became aware about my existence himself. Assuming in the same way I myself became father for about a 4 th time in 2011 without ever getting to know about that my bloodline could be the reason for any of my children, even though I was never allowed to know about them.
But back then, with everything that already happened and a few times my health condition was so harsh, it wasn't even the beginning of it at all. The total amount of radiation I survived just
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105
MY SUPPOSED SETUP
during the recent months with further medical knowledge I gained is almost out of this world, but back then I just barely made it thanks to lowcarb nutrition and a little aspirine I took whenever I felt my heart was about to get circulation issues.
106 | MY LIFE
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And so i had another dental surgery when an infection above my last upper tooth returned in the worst possible way. And to those with a medical background who might have become curious by now, of course it had been the cavity above the last upper right tooth, left handed as i am. The largest cavity below the skull, the closest to the temporal lobe of the brain that accounts to speech and the short-term memory. But right after the surgery, when my dentist said she could not believe it, and it would be something she waited her entire career for – even though I assumed she
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had been indeed directly involved in the research – the only thing I remember is how some personal must have entered the room and – once again – i was quickly made forgotten about it. But thanks to even stronger antibiotics i was prescribed due to this last surgery, i also further recovered from my heart and digestive problems and possibly also because the pesticide in my apartment had vanished a bit already.
But unlike assumed, the about thumbnail-size and thermoelectric powered implant – possibly still in early research as i was able to reconstruct it last year – had not been related to the previous incident with these coworkers, as they whatever they first intended must have acted on their own using even older headset type hardware made by an American company in the late 70ties
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according to my later research. And I can't tell exactly when in late 2013 i for the first time regained further memories to an clean-room when i worked in Munich, where i ended up in a dentist chair when it was clear i could be trouble getting to know about their other research. The actual reason i was invited in the first place, not only due my heritage but also due to my own early part in the two inventions in my youth. And indeed, i later also remembered a still pretty young and charismatic American i had a short chat with and shook hands that time, asking me about my political views. But all these further memories i only regained for the first time last year. And also the reason I was actually dismissed because I voiced my christian morals at one point.
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CONNECTING THE FIRST DOTS
The following months – when my health recovered a bit and i was able to eat normally again but still without any further memories – i became increasingly curious about my new neighbor, but also another woman who moved in the apartment above me that time and who once fell in the snow in front of my house, almost as if she had seen a ghost in me. So i helped her up, even offering to carry her groceries when she asked if i would know her daughter 'Jenny'. But i just didn't remember the awkward moment from 15 years ago, or that the Sasha – i never
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remembered from high-school – could be her son and brother of this Jenny. And so i was never able to connect these early pieces until just recently. At that time, i only assumed, in the case the new neighbor is really the person i identified from a press-photo that he could have moved in my building to be able to break into my apartment more easily. So i changed my lock and installed a small camera in the corner of my door. But as he seemed to even life with his young kid next to me, i felt it couldn't be about the profile I registered, rather assumed some officials did it intentionally to threaten me enough to contact authorities. Faithfully i early decided against it, realizing other details of the supposed setup to get me imprisoned. But of course i already had a very tough time with every further fraction of memories I regained.
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A few month later – still with only fractions of memories I tried to keep away as a bad dream I had – i was invited by the unemployment office to a job interview to work for 6 months as an administrator at a random school in northern Berlin. And as the job was paid and would still allow me time to find an answer to my returning memories, i attended. And i firstly didn't recognize the senior neighbor-class teacher of my own base school who happened to be my
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supervisor at the school, or that there could even be an intent by some I was assigned to the specific base school. Instead i felt lucky they just received 30 brand new computers, and being a base school there would be less work or even stress with younger adults in either way. And apart from usually 2 classes a day and a few installations, i mostly just had a nice place to work on my own. And when the job ended after 6 months, i only remembered that the senior teacher once asked if i remember him from my own base school. But i didn't, and as there are not so many schools in northern Berlin, i thought nothing of it. Only later, i remember how his wife talked to a few other female teachers in the computer room and how he had been suspended for touching a kid, which i found awkward they would let me know about as an external person
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and only realized many years later they must have tried to give a further hint to the wire incident in my own childhood. And so i just left the school after the 6 months, never realizing how important this hint could turn out.
Another 6 month after the school job, still overwhelmed by even more returning memories and awkward situations, I received another invite by the unemployment office to a 4 month job as a tour planner at a
nonprofit organization.
Knowing i could need a timeout from my many computer work i thought these few months would not only force me to some physical activity, but also distract me from the many frightening memories I regained that time. Still without the slightest clue about my own complicated history, anything suspicious about my former friends, or
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that even my former best friend N. could have sickened me before. But as i felt pretty healthy again, i signed the typical shortie employment contract. At this time i still didn't know anything about
hypnosis,
or
that
many
non-profit
organizations act as front-ends for larger interests in the background. There was just nothing suspicious about this typical non-profit entity with musicians and a library of second hand books. But aware i could have been poisoned before, i just never let food out of my sight during this time, even though i already had a surveillance system to verify no-one had entered my apartment when i came home. And i got soon used to be so careful when i regained further and even further memories.
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Ralph – who later turned out to be an actual early microwave engineer of the later classified device and played played his role as an unemployed pretty well – and ended up in a slightly remote area in northern Berlin were i noticed the potential danger for the first time, but we returned with only many photos i made that day. Until it happened when i later worked on a computer there, i noticed a sense of heat on the back of my head, and when i turned around i realized one of the older woman’s – a woman that did not look remotely like i remembered N's mother – to conceal something in a bag. So i stood off and asked her to show it to me, but never remembered the incident the next day or what unbelievably sick had happened to me. And i also never remembered that a few of the coworkers – aware of what this woman had just
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done to me – decided to reveal to me why it possibly happened, and also someone showed me a picture of the very radiologic stick, asking me if I’d know about it – even offering me to make a copy for legal reasons but then must have decided against it and removed that short memory. And so i went home that day, knowing for the first time of my actual heritage, astonished about the whole picture and hostility about my potential status that slowly unrevealed to me. But the next day, i never remembered anything of it at all. And as i realized it together with other small parts, it turned out to be N. who – ones more again – must have waited in my stairway with the help of the hypnosis inducing microwave device – the device i myself had drawn and given advice to a technical aspect as a 14yr old but was never allowed to know about – and made 118
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me to forget about it all by the use of ionizing radiation to my right temporal lobe, combined with a long list of hypnotic suggestions. But what else happened turned out much worse than anything that could be assumed. What he in fact did was giving me orders to focus on certain tasks and topics from quite a long list while he applied the radiation, with the effect my brain later tried to avoid to re-activate the regions that received the most damage. I remember a few of the tasks related to daily computer routines, focus on work and certain topics I had researched already. But there is quite a lot more to it, to be further understood from a later chapter.
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To this point in early 2012 i had – yet again – not the slightest clue about my father or what happened to me in all these years before, besides increasing memories that my Munich coworkers Simone and Marcus and my former neighbor Sasha together with other governmental personal must have tried to get me imprisoned. And still not knowing about the international
outreach
of
my
case,
i
first
remembered the horn antenna device i was able to trace back to a private company who also turned out to be manufacturer of the antique mind control gear from the 70's they must have tried put me on. But
still unaware about the classified patent that had my name on it, or how close my ties to people related to the company i worked for in Munich could be.
Back then, i still only remembered the first pieces from mostly conversations and assumed it would be something personal against me. From my former neighbor Sasha who i was able to confirm to be the brother of the Jenny from my youth-camp as a 12yr old – but still not remembering what indeed happened that night – to my supervisor Marcus and Simone i had both a verbal conflict in Munich, to the father and sister of my old schoolfriend who once suspected me i had set their house on fire, even though i never remembered this very incident until i also regained the actual details; How i once waited for my schoolfriend when he wasn't at home and had a very awkward – almost dream-like – moment, when i thought my cigarette flew through an open
window but then found it next to others on the ground and left. And as my friend told me 2 days later they woke up and had a fire in their house and that even his sisters dog had died in it, i immediately told him about the weird moment. But as he knew me so well, certain that i could never have done it intentionally, he offered to help me to forget about it by a little trick he said he was not allowed to tell me about. And once again, it turned out – and as i was able to reconstruct it with the help of a memory being asked about this teacher – i had been in fact the 'Franz' from the apartment in Munich, who even mentioned in one occasion he once worked in the district of my high-school for a short time. And so i further remembered a story related to a call-center prank back in high-school and how the 'Franz' passed me up on my way to this schoolfriend that day, mentioning the father of my schoolfriend 'had asked him too much' and that he'll have to do
something about it. But I’m unable to tell how exactly he did it or if he just made me to believe the memory of the cigarette later.
Around these month in 2012, i also became increasingly severe neck problems, so strong i was unable to even sit for a time and adjusted my monitor so i could work laying on the back for a while, but still without any clue about the actual cause for it. And so i later continued to gain further memories to the time at the non-profit that N's mother there indeed also irradiated my head and my neck together with the memory i regained from a similar encounter with my former high-school class teacher Miss Cz. who irradiated my heart muscle in public transit. But still i didn't see the whole picture, only that there must be a certain type of radiological stick i expected to be a sort of laser, not knowing i had been under microwave induced hypnosis and
that this woman stood right behind me. First holding the device directly on the back to my head, and during another time to my spinal cord, even giving me a hypnotic suggestion to 'not work anymore and to just watch movies'. And despite my incredible harsh situation later, i indeed became very unmotivated to finish any work for many month. But i could have never even imagined that this woman had been in fact N's mother wearing a very realistic silicon mask of and average looking older woman, almost impossible to notice without knowing about it. And still, even this last missing piece and even hearing by someone else how 'they'd all wear special realistic masks to shield against the microwave hypnosis' turned out to be only a fraction of it.
But the following months, remembering so many details of these incidents something saved me to make a shortsighted decision to report it to
authorities, already suspecting parts of my on government could be involved and they would never let me reach a courtroom. And so i became very careful, leaving and entering my house only at daylight to the supermarket across the street and repeatedly googled the names of involved persons in context, unsure if the public surveillance i noticed would be official by my government. And aware they still could try to further sicken me in public, i bought a small Geiger counter i always carried with me and became very careful to avoid any further dangerous situations, especially when entering my apartment building. And indeed, the Geiger counter with an alarm feature saved my life about 3 times when they got me anyways by the help of the microwave hypnosis, but then got confused by the beep noise and let off me. And as i also became aware of a memory how one of the involved once mentioned to me, how 'Sasha' would only wait for me to leave the
country so he was allowed to kill me, working for the BND', i also started to carry a large laptop bag i by times put my hand in, knowing the increasing group of suspicious persons following me would try to avoid a public incident after i goggled so many of their names already. And of course, i also created the assumption to have reported some of it when i once visited Berlins police headquarter, still unaware of the whole international outreach of my case when i encountered a female Hollywood celebrity right after it in the subway. Of course, assuming to be just a coincidence, not they could have awaited me already to have a personal impression of me, having me seen on footage before. And there happened to be quite few
more
famous
Hollywood
celebrities
i
encountered these years, one of them I had a short chat with mentioned a few had sided with me when the footage shared around became too disgusting. Some of them to be even remote relatives.
Sometime in the summer of 2013, when i googled most of the names involved, had installed a tiny camera in the door and only left the house to the supermarket across the street, one day a market employer notified me about a black haired woman that must have 'injected me something', as she had seen it. And even though i thought nothing had happened, i realized it for a second when i started to black out. And so an ambulance must have arrived, and i woke up in an unknown basement somewhere, where they removed the toxins from my blood – for several weeks as i was told later by a doctor who told me he also removed the tip of my pancreas as a preventive measure – including comments that 'they could just not allow me to run around any further'. It must have been right around this time, that my actual father – who like myself might have quite a few more unknown children – became fully aware of the situation itself, getting to know how they and
especially N. had turned me into a welfare recipient by intentionally damaging my brain from my early youth on to avert any influence i could gain later in life. But i also remembered video footage he and others took from me at several occasions. And so i was soon later back in my apartment, unaware of what i had known already, only with a slight memory of additional incidents I wasn't able to understand back then.
Late in 2013 i became increasingly aware of everything, for the first time remembering the use of the larger RF device out of the van-window I understood would cause a seizure, but still without the missing link to my actual father – my own involvement in the german patent of the even smaller and more convenient hypnosis inducing device, or that they could even blackmail him with the footage of my setup and also made-up footage
they collected almost my entire life. Footage even from a time when i almost died in the bathroom with my digestive problems ending up in even more disgusting scenes. And still, knowing how much he tried to protect me from that point, without putting me and himself in even higher danger by the shame they created, I’m still thankful he tried everything he could during this time. And indeed, just a few weeks later, there happened to be another very harsh incident when a remote relative at a birthday of my mother – who today is still fully unaware of everything – also tried to irradiate my heart muscle on an open field at a short walk we made during the birthday gathering. Until a rifle bullet fired from somewhere passed us very close, so he and another relative he talked to shruck and quickly let of me. But noone of the other relatives took even notice of it, being under the same influence of the RF induced hypnosis for these few seconds, and I myself only
remembered it several month later. It's almost ironic that on our way home, I even took note of two cars following close, one of them with a military related sticker and I recognized as someone I must have known from my graffiti time. Assuming the one who saved my life that moment.
But it turned out to be much more than just that, when i finally regained memories being told employers at secret agencies worldwide had a lot of fun watching parts of the footage they intentionally created, titled as '_____'s unknown Son' and even many Hollywood celebrities must have known of my case already. But i still had not the slightest clue my former best friend could be involved in it due to his family background, or even that his stepfather could have a governmental office too.
And so in November 2013, still unaware of my other
close ties to the government, i considered for the first time to contact a governmental control entity directly, but aware about my chances, i decided against it when i was already followed by so many suspicious persons in late November 2013 and realized even some ministers might already be involved. And still fully unaware about the price that could be on my head already – not knowing my faint memories to the shooting incident and the stock drop could be the such a threat to all of them after they concealed it – i was each more day followed by an increasingly larger group of personal through the whole city. Partly to protect me how I later understood, but obviously also to assure I'd not leave the country with the memories I already regained. And when i once searched the website of a computer store and was already awaited by a whole group of governmental
personal
at
the
store,
i
only
remembered several month later how i was once
again hypnotically interrogated right in the store, asked by someone if i would recognize him, before just as assumed a metallic piece was held to my right temple. I had probably never returned home that day if i had recognized the high ranking official as N's very step-father and said yes. But thanks to this one additional encounter, I was finally able to really connect everything.
Around this time, knowing they might just wait long enough to avoid connections to my previous employment in Munich, i for the first time realized how hopeless my situation was, knowing that even if i was about to contact my father it would only put him and myself in even more danger. And so i became certain it might only have a few days left when I even regained further memories of a remotely triggered poison capsule they told me about to have injected me somewhere in the belly during another
occasion, telling me I’d be there to be make sure i would not try to leave the country by any means as they just closed a contract for devices on the airport that could also break the capsule by an RF impulse. This time in early December, when i was sure i could under no circumstances attend Christmas with my family, i still had no clue of my actual father which saved me from trying to leave the country. But i also regained further memories that it had been indeed my former employer who visited me at my apartment, telling me to focus on a specific word while holding the actual radiologic stick to my right temple. Remembering how he actually turned up to replace my employment contract that had a 250.000 non-disclosure agreement with a simple internship contract, detailing only 25.000, probably to make any later accusations less plausible.
Today I still have a tough time to differentiate
between the hostility and actions by a few envious individuals and the overall safeguarding from both sides, to be able to continue my life in a normal way. But unrelated from the best intent some might have had – knowing today how stress free life can be without knowing these well kept secrets – how in the world could they really have thought I would never get behind everything? I not only had been involved in the development of both devices once, knowing about even further details of my history.. I am the one who made most of
the later
developments it lead to possible, without a single one of them ever letting me benefit from it. And indeed, I further regained even a specific memory that mostly half of my coworkers back then had known about my commitment to both devices.
HOW I MET SOMEONE
Just before Christmas in December 2014, i further realized how much footage they intentionally created of me by two cameras hidden in the measurement units of my bathroom and living room radiators, they removed just before in 2013 but were powered by the same microwave signal pointed on my monitors. Footage I had even been shown at one point in 2013 and remembered just before. And I for the first time understood how impossible it could be to overcome this blackmail to my unknown family, but also that one of them mentioned i might have a chance at new years eve
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due to previous changes in the government. And so when I realized further details, but also that i could under no circumstances attend Christmas with my mother, i made quick plans leaving the country by train and ferry, knowing if i would make it to Russia, i might receive at least help to hide somewhere long enough. And so – already curious about a camera that had previously been installed on a governmental building right across the street, pointing suspiciously to my entrance – i left my apartment building very early that evening when it was already dark outside through a cellar window on the side, jumped over the neighbors fence to a parking lot behind and then walked calmly up the side of the main street without any luggage and taking a quite long turn through a parking yard to the train-station. I today can only guess if it really worked out, or if
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there simply had been enough diplomatic pressure i was given the chance to be unfollowed, until a suspicious close look by the ticket handler in the inter-rail confirmed me i was recognized again. And of course, the usual single ticket handler per train is obviously part of the governmental surveillance infrastructure.
And so – weird as this new years eve night was already and still pretty handicapped i was from about 8 occasions my brain had been wiped and damaged by 3 different groups of individuals just before – the train drove directly to one of the northern cities of Germany, but then i decided to try a slight different route to Germany's main ferry havens, knowing if i would leave this pretty empty train a few stations earlier and unseen by the personal it might be favorable for me. And so
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i just left the train together with a few others left and right to me and walked directly behind one of the dividers in the middle, waiting until the train left and then quickly bought a new ticket on the vending machine – by cash – for the new train that was set to arrive on another gateway.
Before my way to the new gateway, i had a look over to the entrance building of this historic train-station and thought for a second to have seen a dark parachute going down right before it was concealed by the building, but quickly considered it to be rather a reaction of the stress so weird i already felt that day. But then quickly started to question myself if my government could really have sent in personal after me, either to watch out for me or follow me. And so I went to the gateway the train was supposed to arrive in 140 | MY LIFE
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a few minutes, taking care to not be a perfect target and watching over to the entrance.
And somehow, about a few minutes later i noticed a younger man wearing a business suit coming out of the building, who later turned up on my gateway. But for an unknown reason i didn't see any connection to it. Being new years eve, the young looking man looked just like he had been coming from the taxis parking in front of the building, and being such a cold evening he rather made the impression of being a local drunk not wearing warmer clothing. And even close, my assumption didn't change much after i said 'Hi' in the train, asking if he was a Russian he only smiled and returned 'Polsky' with a polish accent. And so we changed a few words in English,
and
he really
made the perfect
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impression of an only slightly older easternEuropean who i assumed might now try to follow me to the border, assuming that if i was allowed to be killed by the organization i had been dead already.
But then my impression changed quick when two other passengers in the train left right before the train was about to take off, and i realized the possible hostile situation i could end up in. And after thinking further about it, and knowing the next train would arrive in a few minutes, i just left the train right before the doors closed.
And so – after taking the next train – and after i also realized i even forgot a memory card with an important password at home, i decided to stay in a local motel over new years eve, curiously 142
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following some events in the news and then decided to rather return to Berlin the next morning. Already aware i might not have a second chance to leave the country. A decision I today – after I've been starving living from ordered peanuts and canned food for almost 600 days without leaving my apartment building – regret, but without I might have never been able to regain the even more important memories of my actual commitment to it alltogether.
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And so i found myself in the most severe and hostile situation possible back in my apartment. Realizing how my whole life had been influenced from my earliest days in high-school, and increasingly later in my own apartment to avert any possible influence i could gain later in life just because of my christian morals and the possibility my actual father might some day get to know about me. But still without any clue that I not only co-invented the very microwave device but even
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had been unknowingly part of the very radiologic stick without knowing what it could be used for.
And it started slowly.. From the first actual memories related to my employment in Munich, actually having proof about the memory of the infrared light source and cameras that had been installed, and the first proof of my early health issues being the side effect of the very early surveillance of my computer monitor when I even further
remembered
how
N.
even
once
mentioned a 'Ragemaster' called monitor cable a company
related
to
his
parents
would
manufacture when we were still around 16. A memory so precise, together with the actual very blatant companies name and memory of my former neighbor involved it together verified how they really had pointed this up to few hundred
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watt
powered
microwave
beam
onto
my
computer monitor all these years. And the oxidative stress of it – especially when I worked standing in front of the PC due to neck problems I became so quickly – when the beam pointed right through my head onto the monitor area. But it wasn't even the tip of the iceberg, and so I regained a further memory how he once even showed me a dagger, telling me his stepfather actually killed people with it in occult rituals, and from there it further helped me too be able to see the actual origin of it, and not only an organization I first suspected. But I wasn't quite there yet. Without any further knowledge of the historical background of secret societies and decades of classified research in certain fields of microwave induced hypnosis, I still only knew a tiny fraction of it. 146
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I nevertheless wasn't sure how to handle my situation then buying at least once more food at the grocery store, careful as I was already used to from the many months of harassment before. But the amount of personal running right into the store from their cars the second I left my building in January 2014 turned out to be so ridiculous, I went directly back home, waiting a few days and eating pasta I still had for a few weeks.
On January 18, I knew I'd have at least to buy food once more to have time find further answers to my whole situation, still not fully certain if my actual father I still only had the memories being told about could help me at all due to all the blackmail they prepared for years. And so I walked quickly from the first grocery store across my street were about 15 agents awaited me
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already to a near one I didn't visit anymore, immediately recognizing 2 black dressed women entering after me but left the store without any further encounters. At least I thought so at first, not even realizing at first why my head had turned so hot and that N., dressed as a woman, together with the other woman had me had me under RF-hypnosis right in the store and irradiated both my temples.
And so I went home, still considering further options to leave the country once again, but it all came so much different.
The few groceries I had bought run out pretty quick, so I started to rat-ionize them already, simultaneous to a time in February 2014 when I regained so much sad memories of incidents that 148
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took place my entire life, I didn't even care to eat for a certain time. To be precise, realizing there was never a single exception with any of the many friends I had since high-school almost rendered me into a complete apathy. And getting fully aware of the danger I could to be silently killed each minute added to it. I nevertheless managed to starve almost 80 day in a row with only salt and vitamin pills and 750ml canola oil I had left, researching and writing on a paper with the intend to reverse these developments while my weight dropped from a healthy 80kg to 46kg. But I also early decided against publishing anything without further consideration, knowing the chances were almost non-existent already.
Writing it all down now, almost 14 month later is almost as tough as it used to be back then as my
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whole situation turned into an even worse nightmare once more again. But it only started that time. It had been almost April 2014 already, and
just when international developments
increasingly got more dangerous while i was still starving, knowing the legal case I'm going to file will be more important than myself. Until I realized there is so much more on stake, I can only give it a try to order canned food via overnight express. But it happened at a time I was still unaware about the actual background of it, and for some reason my subconscious also saved me from shortsighted decisions, knowing about the responsibilities to my own country. It wasn't just the many many memories related to situations my brain had been damaged just before that also started to already affect me, I just woke up one morning and everything I had 150 | MY LIFE
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known seemed gone. And it took until the evening to just be able to regain it to the point of the evening before. And the first additional pieces of the puzzle turned out to be the very oldest ones that didn't really help much in the beginning.
Continuously thinking about my first health issues when the Sasha had moved into the apartment above me but finally aware of the microwave surveillance as the reason for it, I further regained memories thinking about the weird incident with his mother and then I also further remembered the rape-accusation from my first youth-camp as a 13yr old and what indeed happened the actual night, how another girl – about 16 years old back then – came over to our tent, actually drugged me – by applying a
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well known tiny sharp drug crystal of a substance called scopolamine to the back of my hand as I was able to reconstruct it from other memories.. A drug-technique, I'm still stunned so many kids around me must had knowledge of back then already – and said something like 'Jenny changed her opinion', and guided me over to their tent, where i remember i had sex with her but possibly Jenny too, realizing for the first time why I never remembered it. And if
this part is not
unbelievable enough already, i even regained further memories how on the very day when the mother confronted me back in school, she actually pushed me around until i pushed her back and she fell, even breaking her arm and completely freaking out about it. But everything i remembered all these years is how we shook hands and they left after a few words we 152
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exchanged. And so i further remembered Sasha as the friend of a classmate from high-school once pulled me to the side one day, giving me the hypnotic suggestion of something like 'Just drop the last school hour once a while, it's not so important'. And indeed, i skipped a whole 20 school hours the last year in high school. But still, these memories, together with the later memory how he pushed my head to the isotope container – the actual more brute-force version for an even longer lasting amnesia besides the amnesia caused by the scopolamine drugcocktail already – are still only the beginning of it. But realizing this secret knowledge used to be so common even for kids back then, it further helped me to really understand even more incidents in my early youth. But I also understood how much luck I had, finally having
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proof there was never a single exception in my surrounding not affiliated to it since my first day in highschool. With even many of them so incredible envious when they came to know of my name on the patent in 1996.
And so aware of the government ties being one of the reasons behind so many happenings and already starving once again, I decided to further detail the secret neural implant research taking place in Munich I could easily analyze from a technical perspective, but also a formal complaint about assaults that already took place against my health by N. and his mother I became aware about. But it turned out to be so much more complicated when the list of people I seemed to know for so many years that had been knowingly involved grew each day. And it really rendered me 154
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unable to make any decision at all, knowing my chances leaking anything from home were almost non existent already, with only my workstation PC and without any single battery powered device besides one outdated smartphone that would not be enough to publish anything if someone just disables the power utility in the basement. And I also already knew even my 2 computer monitors had been prepared for me, remembering how an employer in the very same computer store mentioned to his coworker the words “don't forget.. even and an uneven… the last 2 digits” when I bought the 2 monitors. Today I understand it was already common in 2o11 that every PC monitor and modern laptop transmits the screen content as a hidden feature for certain authorities.
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And to this moment, I’m still unable to tell who's decisions are directly responsible for my later survival due to a shame later developments brought over my father's name and blackmail on all sides related to my case and footage of me. But the actual nightmare still revealed slowly to me.
And so I further realized that even my short employment at the local school turned out be a much more important part then I initially assumed. Additional to memories I already had in 2013 how the very senior teacher – just as assumed – also held a metallic piece to my left temple after he questioned me about my work in Munich, if would know about a stock drop on a specific day and that he also once worked for a related company there, a first fraction that really initiated the blatant surveillance the second I 156
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pulled the stock history on my screen. But finally I was able to regain one of the very first early memories, how i actually had threatened to reported him as a 10 year old in my own baseschool time, when i was notified by another classmate who saw him hiding in a cabin of the boys toilet together with another classmate. And when he later encountered me there, waiting a few seconds until other classmates had left, held me something under the nose before he also held a metallic piece on my right temple, counting to 90 seconds together with me on his wristwatch. And thanks to a note in my old schools paperwork related to the wire incident that week, i was actually able confirm that my grades – especially my handwriting – had dropped from A to C in just the following 4 month before holiday in 1992. After regaining the whole memory of
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both incidents, he not only tried to wipe as much memory from the whole day, to be fully certain i would not report him, but even staged the whole wire incident as a retaliation when he fixated the wire himself while me and my classmate stood next to it, drugged. And young as i was and not remembering anything, it even had been himself dragging both of us to the principals office. And despite my understanding of the technical sides of hypnosis, I further regained another memory what else happened the day I found myself at a remote location during my 2nd short employment. Realizing the co-worker really must have drugged me too with the help of an RF device, until N. together with 3 others, including the very former classmate I recognized at shooting incident who had
a
specific
Belgian
automatic
firearm
interrogated me on gunpoint at this remote 158
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location, but then letting me go after they realized I didn't knew anything at all back then. To my luck.
But starting out from it, finally able to understand the whole further background with N. and then memorizing a dispute we once had, I was finally able to regain memories how I sometimes in 1998 had been watching the movie 'Men In Black' together with him. And after i mentioned the brainwashing device in the movie the other day, he told me it would actually exist and offered to tell me one of the literally most kept secrets on the planet if i promise him – already aware about my opinions – to be really serious and make no fun of it. And after i promised him several times, he told me how he and his parents would be part of this very
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privileged
international
acting organization,
almost 'alien-like' as he referred to them for their privileges and capabilities. And so he showed me a small metal medallion he carried together with his key-chain, and explained it would contain a small amount of 'uranium or something' as he explained, with even secret handlers at the airport taking care of it in the case he travels by plane. I also remembered drops of a substance he already took back then – 'to increase his tolerance to it', as he said – mentioning mescaline would be one of the ingredients. And further he explained there would even be brain implants he only heard of, but that many adults would receive them soon and that the cellphone network – still very new in 1998 – would be a part of it, with a very influential organization behind everything. I don't quite remember if it had been the same day, 160 | MY LIFE
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but he also showed me a metallic rod in a secret catalog, he referred to as 'Like a light saber, but using radiation', and that he – due to the very high status he gained so young – would receive one too. So, after i asked him, 'Who in the world would you want to give cancer with it?', he realized i could never be a part in it and returned what mistake he made to even tell me about it. And he scratched the back of my right hand with a small piece of cardboard – i later found out contains a tiny, concentrated crystal of hypnotic drug
called
'scopolamine'
to
enter
the
bloodstream – and after i immediately went into the hypnotic trance he applied the metallic medallion he just explained before to my right temple. He actually even asked me before, if i was really left handed to be sure. And due to the short-term amnesia caused by the radiation, i
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never had any memory to this conversation for many years. And just the next minute, we were still friends as before.
It must have been a week later, when he visited me another time, bringing another type of device with him in his backpack, checking if i would remember anything from the previous encounter, which i didn't, and after i recognized the device i just had a dispute with him, not knowing what already happened before. And so he must have drugged me again, because the next i remember is how he pulled the actual radiologic stick out of his backpack and held it against the back of my head. Even though unable to move under influence of the hypnotic trance – but still aware of what just happens – i asked him why he's doing that to me, and I’ll never forget the words 162
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he answered: "You're just getting too good for me, i just can't allow you that." And as he continued, and – as weird as it sounds – started to make sigh noises doing it – i even further asked about but still unable to resist – he further explained it would be a magic and pleasurable ritual for him, as "I’ll now be getting a bug in the back of my head that would slow me down until i might die from it very soon and my abilities are about to transfer over to him". I am unable to tell exactly how long he damaged my brain as i lost contentiousness a few seconds later. But unlike assumed, the actual symptoms – in medical terms a delayed cerebral radiation necrosis of my main visual cortex – as i know it today, increased many month later. And fully remembering the timeframe, i was actually able to reconstruct how much i lost my drawing skills and abilities back
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then. Almost to a point I never really recovered from it. The very drawing skills and creative abilities, paired with my broad understanding of most technologies that lead to both devices in 1996, even though I never intended it that way. And despite I never had time to draw a lot during all the later years, and even additional damage to my visual cortex that set in right in the middle of last year, I am still only remotely back at the same graphical level I once used to be. But I could have become so much more in these last 15 years.
It's ironic, that even though we did not see each other for a time due to another dispute he made up on purpose right after it, i never had the slightest memory to that day until tiny fractions related to the drops I asked him about allowed me to slowly recover mostly all of it, and even way 164
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further memories almost 15 years later. 15 years later, after he and several others had wiped and damaged certain regions of my brain about 50 times in a larger extend, additional to about 250 occasions the metal piece was held to my right temple. But for some reason, the right temporal lobe part of my brain still able to write these words got used to it so early, that I never fully lost my speech abilities during all these years, besides becoming
so
unbelievable
unfocused.
The
obvious more impacting effect of all the damage that the brain just increases it's desire for less demanding tasks and longer working breaks. But shortly after regaining the first memories in early 2014 that lead me to write the paper detailing the worldwide
ongoing
developments,
use
of
radioactive material and neural research, I early realized how closely tied I was into all of that,
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making everything so much more complicated. Month later I finally remembered I must have been around 11 or 12 when someone of N's background asked me about my interests, and I returned I was trying to focus light with a tube to make a laser like I had seen it before in a technical museum. And after he asked me further about it so I drew it on a paper, explaining how I try to find a tube that is reflective on the inside and a red lightbulb to make it look like a gun from a Darkwing cartoon, he just returned the following words; “That's really an idea you inspired me to, I can make use of that.. but I’ll use something better then a lightbulp.” And being so young, I didn't even ask further back, but then remembering how I had even drawn it, I was finally able to really get it all together in chronological order. 166 | MY LIFE
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It started about 1-2 years later in august or early september 1996, when someone else turned up at our garden door after I just came home from my 3rd youth travel right before my 14th birthday. And so I went down considering the man to be a salesman. But just at the door, he asked me to show my hands and then he quickly let himself in by scratching the back of my hand with the exact same scopolamine cardboard as I was able to reconstruct it, thanks to the other encounters. And despite I never remembered anything of it at all, he already seemed to know several of my
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classmates as he detailed in our living room, but then explained he was actually looking for advice on a certain invention, being told I once had a really good idea before. And so he explained a technical drawing of a horn-type antenna that could create a hypnotic effect, with a handle on it and how to enhance the look of it. And after asking about the technical details with my general understanding of radio and microwaves, I simply asked if it was meant to be held like a pistol with the handle on it, and that it might be less suspicious without the handle at all. And having seen smaller antennas of such type I asked for the frequency of it, and if the antenna pair could be even smaller. And he returned it's difficult because the 2.4 GHz frequency would require such large antennas. And so I asked back, how much GHz would it be with two smaller
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antennas around 2-3cm, and with casing about the size of two cigarette packs. And so he explained it might be about 30GHz, but wouldn't exist and be technically complicated. So I returned; 'But it would be so much more convenient so small.. if it's not possible today, maybe in a few years.' And so he said; '24 GHz could be indeed possible maybe, it's called KBand, I’ll ask my developers for it.. this might really be doable.. ' and I remember we then talked about patents and his business in general when he asked me about my graffiti nickname, saying he'll really try to patent it and of course will add my name to it. Shortly later he left, and I only have a faint memory I was wondering if someone just drove away in a white Ferrari, standing in front of our garden door.
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I later never had any memories to the visit at all, and also not that about a year later the one from N's background visited me too, telling me he was now about to come back to the really great idea I inspired him once, showing me a drawing of the reflected tube he said to have calculated the size of, but can need my help to make it look better after he noticed the gun I had drawn on the previous encounter had exactly the cooling fins he realized would be needed. And so I just had a look at it, thinking it was meant for a light source, drawing the shape of a 'mag-lite' flashlight fused with my memory of the darkwing gun with the cooling fins in front of it and then pointing out it should be adjustable just like a mag-lite too; 'only on at the end instead or maybe with a slider'. And he just tapped my shoulder, how great this idea turned out. I think 170 | MY LIFE
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it must have been another encounter when he showed me a first version of it, and even though I thought it was meant to use a light source, he later explained that it would be the perfect combination with the new version of the other device to kill a few bad people, which I – even though under mild hypnosis I guess – quickly understood and confirmed how effective it is, but then never remembered it the next day.
And from that memory on, together with the first memories and knowledge of the onset of the multiple radiation damage by N. and others from 2013, I found myself back in august 2014 already when my food went out once again, realizing the full outreach of everything and the actual reason I was still alive, and the reason they didn't just poison the food I had ordered in the meantime.
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A few in charge must have simply agreed against it, because I committed so much. But from that point on, everything got so screwed up and complex, not only with further memories how my whole body had been rigged in advance including an even more sophisticate neural implant in my skull,
I also understood the
further international ties behind everything and that my decision to not publish the paper I compiled initially had been so important to be able to get to a more important point. I not only co-invented one of these tools, but actually both very items. And even though it had been assured I'd have zero chances to publish anything, I further realized it had been going on for 20 years already. Until it became known I must already be aware of it, and many of the involved must have agreed how impossible it might be to grand me 172
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any veto right to these develpments, knowing about my christian morals. But even though without a final decision to just get rid of me things got so sad, with a few very personal aspects of everything and my emotions involved it hurt me to an extend I just got along with it. And even then in August 2014, at a point I was sure to have finally understood everything and compiled a book with my political views – knowing how I was still considered be an uneducated welfare recipient – it wasn't even half of it..
Despite my health and financial situation and all memories that kicked in, it finally revealed to me how N. not only damaged my brain each other year to make me as messy and unattractive as possible, while 3 woman of my high-school time
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who once even had feelings for me and almost everyone I ever knew gathered around him, watching me from the hidden cameras he had access to due to his privileges for almost 15 years. And besides so many emotional angles of it, I further understood my subconscious must have tried to safe me from the circle of mutual friends and how he really got away to literally take over everything that was meant for me, even living together with all these 3 woman almost since the day I came back from Munich. Damaging and influencing my brain to such an extend, additional to my already complicated social status, these 3 woman even further lost all their emotions for me after I had starved down to the 46kg earlier last year, and later then even watched him damaging my brain once more, right before being sorry about it due to a book I 174
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had already written in September 2014. The grown up political views of the one who had it all with 16 years, from graffiti, break-dance and DJ skills and the first music production while he only had been on par with me writing lyrics in our youth. The initial reason we had been friends and intended to record our first rap album around 1999. And he really got away with it. Not only did he cease the moment back then to make me disabled when it was only a matter of weeks I could reconnect with just one of these girls, he also ceased the moment right after I came back from Munich. Asking me for my technical advice for a supposed neural implant he heard about – telling me he'll be getting a job with it – and then damaged my brain to such an extend I almost died a few month later. He even gave me the first hypnotic suggestions to eat a lot of sugary
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snacks, hoping I'd quickly develop a brain tumor of it, while he even further orchestrated my entire life together with exactly these former coworkers from Munich who then continued to use me as their guinea pig for the very neural implant he used my technical assumptions to become part in the development. And of course, they all knew as soon as I would get to know their part of research and my actual heritage, it could only be a matter of months I might catch up. But then I also finally remembered the position offered me in Munich, and their early realization that they have to do anything to make sure my father could never consider me to be his successor. But from my emotional perspective, it's even way worse than that. N. not only damaged my brain to an extend I took me years to recover to my normal abilities each time, he 176
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simultaneously used his status to advance his own career and even used my business interests in domain brokering for his advantage pretty early, while making sure I'd completely avoid any financial success the whole last 10 years. Even be completely unable to work at all, with my health situation
that
kicked
in
simultaneously.
Additional to the direct influence of the neural implant they used me as their test target for all the time – playing in voice commands and patterns to my subconscious – the actual more severe impact had the poisoning and all the damage to my working habits and drive. A natural reaction of the brain, comparable to the sense after a really long exhausting work day to just relax and avoid any further demanding tasks. I even started to drink 2-3 glasses of red wine over the first half of the day to compensate for
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my strong lack of drive a bit, but it helped only a bit. And he really ceased these whole 10 years, additional to the 6-7 years he damaged my brain before to his advantage to compensate for everything I had been with 15 already. Even including a graffiti reputation he gained later with 25 with the help of the RF-device already. A younger mindset I myself had left behind for almost 10 years, always feeling I would be under some special attention from authorities. And despite his effective secret knowledge to subdue others, he wasn't even mediocre compared to me when we had been friends in our youth.
I sprayed my first graffiti at 11, train surfed and repelled from rooftops with 12 and 13, coinvented two of the most influential inventions in history without ever intending it that way 178
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before my 14th birthday, knew a lot about mostly all public technologies that ever existed and was diagnosed to be fully military compatible at 18. As as compensation for all that, he not only paid 500 euros to Jessy – another of my rather mediocre talented friends – to damage me once more around 2003 when was afraid I could remember the previous incident already, he even turned up at my apartment a few additional times since about 2006 when he was allowed to have an RF device himself. A time I also researched in some fields of tactical gear and surveillance equipment, partly driven by my subconscious when he already had access to all my search queries together with these other coworkers, was allowed a legal gun license and lightweight bulletproof vest – even based on my own queries in a specific fabric they all must have
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discussed – and prepared in almost any aspect against me. From him building several realistic face masks – a technical know-how relatives of him had years of experience already knowing about the devices – a full ballistic suit, gaining the IT skills I already had, to even further increasing his tolerance to the RF-device, simultaneously while he wiped away everything that used to be part of me, increasingly since 2011 when he once again damaged me to such an extend I had to regain almost everything. Besides that and efforts from many others to keep me financially depended, I wasn't even able to catch up with basic aspects of life such as travel accessories or vacation related routines – so isolated and financially depended they kept me – and even unable to handle my double paperwork with the unemployment and tax office. He even 180 | MY LIFE
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gave me the suggestion to 'just don't need a fast computer, a cheap model is enough' and the next laptop I bought slowed me even more down, completely forgetting how important it was for me to be productive. Looking back to it today and listening to a few phonecalls I recorded back then, my abilities also dropped to almost the level of a 5th grader for a certain time. Besides I never fixed my finances enough to have time to gain a driving license, even though it saved me from potential hostile situations outside the safe areas of public transport. And there are so much more angles to everything I realized later, when he continued to also influence my physical appearance by a testosterone blocker, rendering me from a normal looking 26yr man to a Justin Bieber lookalike for a certain time. Even making a related facebook comment pretending I had
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figured anything out already and I had beaten him up in his apartment. A time I had been already under so close surveillance by his parents background to never be able to get even near him, despite I never knew anything at all.
But it always continued, with him using the very two devices I once co-invented but never remembered against me, but only enough to be unattractive to the 3 woman he lived with by times. Around 2011 he gave me the hypnotic suggestion to make nazi paroles in front of the mirror, that later like everything else had been captured by the cameras and been used to further create an undesired impression of me. And for those who understand how effective it is, my subconscious indeed triggered me to make fun of myself in front of the mirror. But 182
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simultaneously my dad also lost his job out of made-up similar rumors and accusations.
But there used to be even worse situations he and others created intentionally. From poisoning me so much my digestive track shut down and they had much fun of my measures to get rid of the mass inside, to some sexual aspects when I was unknowingly injected a special cocktail of testosterone several times and acted on it in front of the PC, also captured by the cameras. And it never stopped. During these 10 years – the very 10 years he had all help to advance his career – the team of former coworkers helped him to influence me to almost every disgusting habit imaginable. From piling up garbage for weeks with such a strong lack of drive to even a situation not leaving the room at all, even peeing
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in bottles for a few days as known from the movie 'The Aviator'. To my today's understanding possibly a side effect of the pesticide DDT or other chemicals researched since the early 50ties and specific brain damage and certain hypnotics suggestions to create the strongest desire to not leave the room at all.
But every time I recovered from it. Besides that, I already adapted to a quite distracted lifestyle in general. And so depressed I was about my social situation I never really cared how the kitchen looked like and that the 3 woman who once had feelings for me could become so disgusted about me. The initial reason some individuals spent so much efforts to support him because the possibility if only one of the 3 would side with me, it could be to favorable for me due to their 184 | MY LIFE
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own parents influence. And even though the 3 women had indeed sided with me for a short time, the efforts of the team involved to create the most disgusting behavior just increased. And from that point the details I regained never ended. I was not just damaged so much I even lost track of paying rent, hoping my project was about to be sold soon, resulting in outcries with my mother on the telephone at a time of my worst health issues when I also threatened to loose my apartment. I later also came to know how the very last architecture client I had abruptly died on pancreatic cancer after he won the competition for a multi million worth deal in 2011. But then something changed to my luck For some reason, there had been a short timeframe in 2011 when I recovered enough from the poisoning and radiation damage, when I also
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tanned a bit and became attractive again. And even I also impressed for the first time with music I made on my ipad, when he immediately invited my apartment once more with the help of the RF-device, trying to figure out in which exact way I composed the music to do something similar. I later must have also impressed some of the younger ones involved how I handled my whole situation knowing I could be imprisoned from the setup. But it only lasted for a while, because he not only damaged my visual cortex almost fatally in 2013, he further compensated for my physical appearance financially and by his increasing celebrity status when further hypnotic suggestions 'to not work at all, just watch movies' his mother had given me early 2012 still influenced me. Later I was even told these suggestions had been recorded by the whole 186 | MY LIFE
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team by the help of the implant and been played in continuously later.
Nevertheless, some of
them sided with me already due to a short letter I had prepared for my brother at a time I assumed I might die from my health issues soon. And so the competition to ruin my life even further continued, until a point later in 2014 when some agreed I had a fair chance to compensate for everything in only a few months, since I would finally fully know about it. Research in a cure for my onsetting multiple radiation necrosis of my brain and spinal cord, getting all these memories in order, writing a book of my political opinions that turned out my best decision to at least compensate for the uneducated social status they created years in advance, catching up with the worldwide situation, secret knowledge and religious believes, personal ties of my former
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background but then also making money from my websites banned from google or accounts I abruptly lost. In other words, competing with someone who had grown up with this secret knowledge his entire life, prepared for almost 15 years in advance and had everything in order to focus on just bulking up further against me, during a time I found myself brain damaged in the worst possible nightmare – under siege – between filing my tax reports that had piled up for 5 years to my medical history and everything. And they all got away with it. The amount of hypnotic suggestions and the additional stressbased influence of my working habits when they increased
the
electromagnetic
surveillance
pointed on my workplace every time I was focused on work did their part. But they always did it only just enough to create the impression it 188
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would be my own psyche that just is 'too weak' or my own decision to rather get to know everything instead of just focusing on work. And from the time they knew I already got to know my actual commitment, they just further focused on keeping me from fixing my financial situation by any means. Hypnotic suggestions, precise brain damage, microwave induced stress and possibly nutritional influence too. And it worked. Besides my emotions I had to these 3 woman, paired with the way he damaged my brain while ordering me to focus on my websites and passwords lasted on. And it's so efficient. Writing these words now, starving for the 5th time knowing how he just damaged my brain and spinal cord by the help of a realistic face mask 4 weeks ago, luckily still not enough due to the goal to make it all look like I just lost track of paying rent, knowing it's only a
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matter of days in either way. And so, despite I tried everything to handle my situation as best as I could under the circumstances, I just received final date-notice I will be legally moved out of my apartment in only 10 days after they somehow managed I did not even appeal the legal case of my termination notice before. And I only recovered to be able at all only a few weeks ago. I had sent in a fax 1,5 hours before the hearing that was simply ignored, attached with a note to the case decision “Found at 10AM??” I received back. And I for some reason did not even think of calling for a confirm of the fax that, just as I forgot just the other morning to appeal against the decision.
The food I ordered 2 weeks ago never arrived due to a supposed strike of the postal office, I further 190 | MY LIFE
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became aware that the implant near my right temporal I assumed had stopped working after I wiped it so many times with a magnet had still be used just as of last Friday.
I am already starving for the 9 th day in row, even though I once again realize how clear I am able to think again, assuming the peanuts I ate mostly had been altered too. During all the previous months, certain individuals gave me pretty early the hypnotic suggestion to never fully secure my door from the inside, despite my key had been copied right in the beginning when I assumed I was still safe in my building and they managed to damage my brain at 3 additional occasions. Every time with the intent to assure my father would avoid risking anything for me, thinking it would be too late for my recovery in either way. For all
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the previous 16 month, they created the impression I was given a fair chance for the few or many celebrities worldwide who know about me, but the actual truth is I never had any chance at all. At a time I was close to uploading my book in August last year, I was even radiated from the neighbor apartment until I wasn't able to write anything at all until this January. And then they really fought for every word, watching my monitor, but always only enough I'd be less able. Still to this moment, when I am once again able to write these words, only the smallest thought how to 'just make some money quick' triggers the same stress induced barrier I am unable to compensate against. But according to their mindset, they assured to make it look like it would be just my weakness I was unable to even make a few hundred euro of the internet to avert 192
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loosing my apartment, despite my life depends on it. And they finally managed to get through with it, using my biggest weakness of emotion and timely decisions.
60 years and more of highly classified research and the interests of a very few to find any possible way to get rid of me despite my share in these developments and almost no chance getting the broader public educated about them. And there are so many technical levels above. From one memory I understand that additional to the direct involved – due the possibly international impact of my case, knowing way to much already – they must have increased the time of memory loss to several months in my case by a combination of the high boron content in the peanuts I am eating – still the best caloric
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choice in a rare situation like mine – and the actual 'californium' isotope as neutron source in the devices making use of a 'boron neutron capture' effect as an even longer lasting amnesia. There is even a precise memory someone mentioned it's called 'The loop' and during another encounter 'a program to predict future behavior' that to my understanding works by a radiation induced memory loss of several weeks with the result the decisions and timely actions of an individual would always be about the same again.
Today it's July 13th 2015, 27 hours before my the clearance
appointment
for
my
apartment
tomorrow. And I have to accept that despite all my hopes and love for someone, but also my loyalty they had been successful to just influence 194
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me enough to loose my apartment in either way – despite the time and pretended fair chance I was given – that I'll very likely not be alive any longer in the following weeks, knowing they likely might not try to kill me immediately but additional to the radiation myelopathy of my spinal cord that is proposed to set in and get me into the wheelchair in several months, together with blackmail involved in my case already, there is almost no further hope it might receive any help from my actual father. There is so much more I'd like to go into further details, but the remaining hours I need to spend on a paper of explaining
the
technical
side
of
these
developments the following afterwords I had already written several months ago, but then everything became even more complicated.
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AFTERWORDS
There is obviously a difference between me and certain individuals that used to be a part in it so early, and no doubt mostly everyone who knew me personally might agree to that. Most of the hostile fraction might be quick at finding arguments what might be so cheerful about me, so undesirable to be ashamed of or to look downward onto after all the disgusting habits suggested to me from the very beginning.
Yet mostly everyone involved must have been searching for something in the remote interest
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into me, the time they spent influencing my life for the worse, or simply the time spent discussing my case even though i never knew about anyone of them. But for me it's easy to to explain what it me be; Unlike me, most of them might have been searching for simply the thrill of their control over someone who had been so talented once and such an important part in the beginning, even when some rare circumstances allowed for it. But obviously a few might have also had an interest in my
unique
personality,
searching
for
an
explanation how I survived over all these years. Like the truth most of us remember looking forward to as a child, opening the first door of a Christmas calendar, excitingly hoping for the last door before christmas, or just like feeling we all know watching the first season of an exciting new TV Series, looking forward to the one final
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answer that would explain everything in the last episode.
I have never been looking for that one answer by anything. Even though i could always feel an invisible curtain surrounding me – a curtain i always felt but was never able to grasp – i early realized that the answers I'm looking for can only be given by myself, and unlikely by someone else. And that the one great answer simply might not exist yet, or might rather be a sum of previous answers,
gradually
forming
into
the
one
broadened perception. But a perception i would achieve by myself. And I reached that point pretty
early
in
life.
The
one
broadened
perspective of our world with all it's details, even though i was never allowed to know about one mayor aspect of it. A world so beautiful and
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AFTERWORDS
interesting with all it's preexisting complex structures,
decades
of
technological
and
scientific achievements, geopolitical powers, centuries of traditions and social standards, a shear endless broad spectrum of arts and cultures. Fields of arts i always took for granted, as room for the many talents i always felt gifted with, even later when this life surprised me with setbacks i could have never remotely think of, but at the same time also with ideas i never had otherwise. Yet in the end, it's been surprisingly a way larger group of people who desired so much that i would fail and finally surrender to their own perception of truth. Surrender to their own opinion how I do not deserve success in life for certain opinions others told I might have and my potential later influence.
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During all these years, there must have been so many
watching
me
from
their
perfectly
structured lives, gloriously laid out living rooms and bathtubs, so perfectly clean and delightful, not even remotely disgusting. Yet still they all must have felt empty enough to be able to gain something by looking down into my little universe. A life so sad and painful, but also interesting and thrilling enough, there was such an interest into me. In fact, the naive perception of this world my own parents that never remotely knew about anything of it had been the key that made it even possible. The false sense of security of a morality and law abiding senior generation, that never allowed me to take note how much influence a younger generation already had behind the scenes. Growing up in occupied Berlin, my narrow perception of security might
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even be more of an irony, as I always felt hostile to a specific age group and a certain mindset, but l simply did not see the immediate danger my own perceptions might expose me to at a later point in life, nor that such a large group of people could conspire against my life. A technological nightmare of a fraction of mostly just 1-2 decades older, less moral abiding, even occult oriented generation, born into the cold-war research and programs of their own parents, yet still raised up with less access to information compared to today’s standards. Less able to differentiate between scientific breakthroughs and many evil technologies invented during the same time, but still carrying them forward and increasingly seeing these perceptions validated as new technological breakthroughs and private funding allowed many of the most sadistic ideas to be 202
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turned into reality. A new perverted reality of what had already been fantasized the previous 60 years, finally made true thanks to all the related fields
of
classified
research
in
behavioral
psychology, neural sciences, signal analysis and lithography, while at the same time continuing programs still heavily funded for reasons of national interest. Apart from religion and individual believes, there are some fundamental laws of morality, a common bottom line that should apply to everyone with the slightest sense of justice.
In my case, this bottom line had been violated the most severe way someone might be able to think of, while at the same time covertly and unobtrusive enough to be unnoticed even by my closest family members. In fact, even unnoticed
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by myself. The long and precisely planned crime against my reputation, dignity and self-esteem by just these few individuals, beginning as early as 7th grade,
might
special case –
–
in my very unique and
even be unprecedented in the
modern history of society. There are no words to describe how much more ashamed I am about everyone involved than I could ever be ashamed of myself or any of the most awkward footage or situations they created by all the suggestions and chemicals, not even including the countless occasions my business efforts were sabotaged to keep me financially dependent and my brain had been damaged
to render me even
more
unproductive. Realizing it even started so early, I’m still staggered by the amount of hostile intent by a few individuals, and even more that I thanks to
the
204 | MY LIFE
unique
circustances
of
my
eary
AFTERWORDS
commitment to these 2 clsses of devices I had been granted enough time to regain almost everything thanks to a few lucky coincidences. From the very first neighbor-class teacher – even involved at a later point – exposing my temporal lobe to ionizing radiation to the very last memory of damage that took place only days ago. And I really must have repeated the wrong opinions in base-school already at one point.
There is no way to detail the emotional pain I feel realizing after I survived all these years and these few individuals still reached their agenda, but the fact that all of them invested so much efforts during it, even several millions of funding due to the threat they considered me as soon as I would be in the right position to, gives me strength to just carry on.
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I’m aware I should rephrase this in a more positive way for everyone involved to allow for some regrets, but after what had been allowed to happen to me, without the slightest hint of justice to any of these few individuals makes it impossible for me.
From this very moment, the sad truth of what had been allowed too happen to me can never be violated they violated me. A truth that so much speaks for itself and nothing will ever be able to change it. The many painful memories created for me will forever be a shameful part in it. As much as so many desired me to fail, after all the time and efforts spent, the more empty a few are going to feel and the larger this emptiness will be when I’m gone. Some of them already took every reason in it the very moment a group of adults 206 | MY LIFE
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gathered to cheer cheer like a group of teenagers watching the first footage of me, knowingly of the factors and influence involved. As much easy it is, referring to any of this disgusting footage to argue what a negative person I am supposedly, I’ll still remain a better human simply for the fact that I’d never even attend such a disgrace in the first place. There are no words to describe how ashamed I am about them then i could ever be ashamed of he most disgusting footage of me. Despite the financial success so many have had in life simultaneously to my worst nightmare, how empty and sad someone's life has to be to be able to gain anything from having a sense of control over me and watching me suffer over all these years? And how many did even know what actually happened behind the scenes and the chemicals and radio cerebral suggestions, I was
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exposed to. Apart from seeing footage of a person behaving awkward in a single room apartment, many obviously had their common superficial perception what makes them all so much more of adult beings;
Financial influence, driving
experience, relationships or public standing.. yet for
me,
the
majority
created
rather
the
impression of a bunch of narrow minded teenagers without the slightest sense of justice.
This very second, i can literally feel them struggle to invalidate these words, referring to my status or lack of any social life I had from my first years in this apartment. But I can’t even blame everyone of them. Many never really made the decision to take part in it on their own, yet a few really did. Just like I was never prepared for this hidden truth that unrevealed to me so late in life; 208
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In my case, trying to even confront some of them with what they have done is almost comparable to a room of playing teenagers, so much joy, enthusiasm at their topic, until an actual adult being enters the room and calls for order, even if he is only perceived in a negative way. A situation they prepared for years in advance, to be able to rectify it by my status. The very status they prepared years in advance and influenced themselve. But what else then a threat could I be to a group of adults who acted like a bunch of teenagers
watching
through
a
peephole,
rectifying it by the threat they considered me?
But that's exactly what happened. How can someone even justify that as not being much more of a disgrace than any possible awkward human behavior at all? And still, even with many
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technological achievements related to it, in the end of the day, the perversion of reality and the crimes against human rights carried on related to it has no rectification even by the best possible cause. Even with a technological edge and so many advancements, it really brought shame over a whole generation. A shame of every single one involved and everyone who took even a remote part in it.
The best way to escape this shame would be to bring justice to the very few individuals who worked
towards this situation since 1992,
increasingly out of their selfish and personal agenda against my potential status since 1998. Continued by leaving some of the evil practices and believes behind, carrying on the actual scientific facts about the subconscious, and its 210 | MY LIFE
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relation to trauma, human behavior and other scientifically proven fields of related research under the oversight of actual ethics and with a positive intent. While at the same time allowing the public to evaluate and discuss some of the unknown materials. There simply is no further reason that rectifies any ongoing of these human right crimes in an educated and connected world we have today. Even if contrary to religious rights, it's only mandatory that governmental agencies should be free from certain believes and dark practices in general, if it be for transparency reasons alone. Despite all the financial losses and pressure that might be related on the private side of it, its no longer an option to pursue without leaving some of it behind. But this part is not on me anymore, I can only be of help and guidance to it in the case I might be still alive after
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tomorrow. As many might be well aware by how many my case is known already and that I never had been in charge of it. It is on everyone in the position to reconcile and end it. And there is no reason holding onto it while there is still time to end it in a controlled matter.
It’s not a shame to make wrong decisions early in life, we all did. It’s a shame trying to conceal them until the end by any means. In my case, there just isn’t anything I ever did that even remotely justifies the nightmare created for me only due to the potential threat I posed.
According to my later years, It’s neither immoral to receive welfare due to hidden trauma, brain damage or business sabotage accounting to millions spent on me, nor a violation to anyone 212
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else dignity, not even if it had been my own choice to leave high school with a bad grade, and if the suggestions in 98 and later and all the damage to my brain had not taken place. But the ones responsible are already well known. 2 Teachers, and a few of my own age turned out to be the most hostile influence to my life, one of them even confessed his real intentions to me, some might guess them.
'When you remember it all, and even try to write down and report anything what we have done to you... This will be our gift to you!' he said.
And from an outside point of view, it had been so easy to point onto me, saying it had been my own
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fault to leave high-school with a bad grade, quitting with all friends later and becoming a loner who stubbornly resisted any further formal education or getting a job. "It's all his fault! His weakness..”
But today – as worse as the situation is – I at least made it to this point, knowing i actually never had any real friends at all since my 1st day in high-school and that my subconscious always tried to make the right decisions for me, tried to save me from these friends that were never my friends at all.
Had i ever had a chance? The more success i might have had the last years, the higher the possibility i wouldn't be alive anymore. Despite what I’d not know today, it's been my status and 214 | MY LIFE
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public denouncement that kept me alive during all these years at a time someone who had been so envious of me gained his satisfaction by it.
Had i had a chance when i just moved to a new apartment earlier? I probably just died already in 2007, even if I just became a part in it directly as it was laid out for me. But in the end, it turned out it happened to be myself who actually created this entire nightmare due to my own early talent. Ending up as a perfect, self-closing circle of unfortunate circumstances, coincidences and envy by these few closest friends who misused their privileges and status so early. I am at the same time origin as well as victim of this 20-year life story.
There used to be modern flashlights before the
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'mag
lite'.
And
there
were
so
called
'smart' phones way before the iphone. Often, it’s the most simple but profound ideas that make further developments possible. As much as some individuals tried everything to conceal my very commitment, as much it was me to some extend who made so many later developments possible.
And as much as I still only know about a fraction, I will always remain an integral part in the history of it. But depending on the amount of shame some might be ready to bear, not realizing there will be nothing left of it when I’m gone.
It's definitely no strength to sicken someone with the help of technology he helped to create in the first place. Nor is it a weakness to simply not remember a threat I somehow created for myself 216 | MY LIFE
AFTERWORDS
years before. And even less honorable is to let it further happen if the one already lost part of his abilities, finding himself overwhelmed by a situation unique as mine. Every further day passing by, with the hope of my decease instead of granting me my rightful place does not change this underlying truth and the shame that will continue to be a part in it.
Despite all the setbacks in life, to finally get to know I unknowingly had been one of the wealthiest persons on this planet for so many years – but due to my own inventor ship and genius and not due a wealthy heritage – wasn't really easy for me. The word ashamed does not really apply to it due to the circumstances of my early status leading to the whole situation. But it's still a deep shame about a few involved every
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AFTERWORDS
gifted and talented mind on this planet would be disgusted to even know about, considering my christian morals I could have brought into.
I know it must be so hard for many who wondered about my assumed naive decisions, but there were simply so much more factors involved I needed time to find my own answers to everything. And there is still so much work to do, and as long as i feel well enough, I’ll just pursue with it. And I really hope the following hours will allow me to do so. But for many of the directly involved that are likely in their late 20ties and 30ties, I still wonder how they consider to continue to life with other possible outcomes. In any case, those of them who woke up with me each morning will always remember me. And as much some of them had success guiding me into 218
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AFTERWORDS
this position, will they still be able to sleep well each night? Or not think about it at breakfast, someday.. maybe with their own grown up kids already, reading or hearing my name somewhere in the news or radio.. “Florian”
I wonder if it really appeared all so plausible, knowing of the hypnotic suggestions and all the research. But it's obviously so easy to blind out life-stories based on a few awkward pictures and feeling no guilt for it, thinking it would be for the ultimate and good cause.
Knowing parts of my story with the assumption to have an opinion about me. So driven by personal emotions and hostility about me based on just my heritage, a few rumors or situations created around me, so much focused archiving
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AFTERWORDS
the next victory. How will it feel like when I’m gone? And how, when finally some of them realize the actual background of it, that almost nothing had been any of my own personality or behavior, and how much had been suggested from my early childhood on, how much had been plotted or based on previous experiences because i just voiced the wrong opinions driven by even earlier experiences.
I never happened to be in any such position, because i could have never been a part in it in the first place. I don't know what it feels like wishing someone bad based on awkward video footage or rumors, without knowing anything about it. I don't know what the mugshot of my so called ‘case file’ might be that sticks out the most, or exactly what footage of me is the most disgusting. 220 | MY LIFE
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I barely remember most of all these disgusting habits that felt so unquestionable normal, comparable to other exceptional situations were you won't think about how it looks like.. an excuse you make to yourself like in a lifeboat when there is just no other option. Not thinking about how to prepare food other than the one half broken water heater that is available, while being so depressed about the whole situation that you just get used to it over time, not knowing about actual intents to keep you financially in the very situation. You just get more used to it, while becoming even more depressed about it. I'm certain there are more stories like mine, but in this reach it must be unprecedented in the history of our modern civilization. And there happened to be so many sides involved into my case, knowingly that I’ll be the one who always
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AFTERWORDS
knew I might die in the end. It's not that i ever had an agenda based on a specific opinion apart from being against evil, i realized for mostly everyone I got to know personally it's more a leftover from youth believes of certain generation, coolness and lifestyle, rather than an actual desire to be part of evil practices. And to me, its so satisfying to be a good human being. Something that might be tough for some to turn around and side with, but the amount of encounters my body compensated for my entire life is almost a proof it it.
According to the earliest christian scriptures of the book of job, it details a forgiving god who even in at least one occasion regrets what he had been moved to by evil.
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| MY LIFE
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And somehow this is how my story had to be written, even if it only remains as an example for a future generation. A story so unique, that i often thought how it must be if some day in the distant future someone finds out about another untold aspect that is even way more tragic then everything together, but might be revealed in the second revision. The future will tell.
Talent is a gift you simply can't take away from someone, not even by radiation. As much hostile you might feel by ones opinions, a talented mind you’ll never be able to break, as hard as you might try. In the same way Intelligence is the sum of all thoughts made until a present in lifetime, then memories to them could be seen as the map that defines intelligence. And as much damage this map might get on day by radiation, and as
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much more difficult I might be to reach a certain point, the map itself will always remain. Therefore, talent and intelligence itself simply can't be destroyed until every memory is wiped out. And they tried it anways.
I had so many great ideas during that time, that I am able to access again right now. But this used to be 2012 or sometimes earlier, because right after it my visual cortex had been damaged about 7 more times, and resulted in the fact I was unable to do almost anything successful for the whole last year.. And it's so hard to differentiate between these several levels of decline in my abilities as right now, at a time when my brain either already recovered from the necrosis caused by the most amount of radiation my temporal lobe was exposed to exactly 6.5 month ago or 224
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only recovered from the direct effect of it. The same way I recovered after about 7 month from the damage in December 2013 and January 2014, that allowed me to write most parts of my book for the first time after 6.5 months. Knowing there is at least no additional damage to these two important areas of my brain right now is at least a good sign, knowing my heart muscle also recovered already with no further symptoms right now. But its still my main cortex and spinal cord that might in the worst case lead to a physical impairment, even though my research already concluded to the most extend what actual supplements and nutrition and slightly cooling would assure a successful treatment in even the worst case, but to finish this book is still more important to me then my survival.
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And as in every tragic tale, it was likely supposed to be like that, and if it wouldn't be my own lifestory, I’d likely cry the same way I cried watching the end of the movie A.I. waiting for a woman almost my entire life, never loosing hope. But this moment, even after the worst situation I could imagine turned out to be very likely true, I feel quite well again compared to the numbness I experience early 2014 when my weight dropped so much. But with further memories I regained yesterday… I am at a point I can't neither cry or kill myself, but it might have turned out in a way I always expected for all these months.
Luckely, at least half of my other Inventions I never brought to paper or researched to much into, otherwise they had been discussed and later misused in the same way. The most interesting 226
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part is that some day one of these agents actually showed me the gloves he just bought -with a hint to my researched into puncture proof security gloves a few days earlier. But I never remembered it.
But indeed, a later flying car concept resembles almost 90% of one of the sketchy drawings I made since ~2007 when my drawings already gained a lot of attention, and there is even another dull memory I actually had been in Bratislava for a few hours, before a brawl and a false statement I made ended it.
Since about the time when my visual cortex almost fully recovered from the damage in 2005, right before my assumptions to the implant N. wrote down in his ring organizer.. and even
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though it existed already in a larger form of cavity implant, the part of ‘just a forwarder with fixed IMEI and zero logic on it, and the best possible antenna material.. gold, or maybe even platin, the price of a few hundred more wouldn’t matter in this case, and maybe thermoelectric” came from me. Of course it’s common sense for many with a broad
knowledge
in
technologies,
but
it
happened to be me giving the right advice at the right time.. just as before.
I already realize that the whole team involved never had a chance to get to know me in just these few days there, and after I returned and he damaged my visual cortex right again I wasn’t the same anymore until late 2007. And even then, I still only slowly recovered as I well remember how hard it became to get any graphical work 228
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done the way I intended it. Looking back to it now, even though my visual cortex that was luckily not touched anymore since 2013, the part of my brain that compensated for almost everything right now recovered once more again. And even after another happening just yesterday I can not fully estimate, I feel like I pretty much recovered at least to a point I am able to write again. But as complex the situation is for me, I was at any point at least able enough to keep up with most the technical aspects of this 60 year research, but also thanks to so many memories to detailed comments by a few technical involved individuals. Fully certain someone is still with me right now and my very unique status, interest in my person but also threat I am still considered made me the possibly most survailed person one the planet. But at the same time its still so hard to
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grasp it, knowing how much efforts were made to keep my story a hidden secret. There were so many moments I felt poisoned additional to the damage, but then there were moments like right now when I felt perfectly well and normal, returning the sense of hope someone would still care for me. It might be as always, the sum of everything.
The karma or whatever metapher might apply to it that guided me this path, additional to some of my own lucky and timely decisions to stock up on the right supplements and leftovers from it, but also my unique radio-resistant genetics that turned the last fatal exposure into another last chance, unrelated from my financial situation I was unable to take care of. But if noone understood I had to invest my time more 230 | MY LIFE
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efficiently, including many additional hours of sleep to recover mentally I can't help about it. I tried the best under the given circumstances and the fact my cortex took until just recently to recover enough is the most important part of it.
There's a reason i recovered for so many many times.. But i am myself unable to find any other explanation then a very obvious sign for a return to the christian morals and faith in god that's been guiding me for all these years. And i wish for everyone to feel good about it and to follow me with it, leaving all evil ethics, dark tech and blackmail that only became a part in it later behind. Not only for the sake of our children. Despite everything that had been done to me, I became a father too. And there is so much more important work that shouldn't be kept back by
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our differences or hostility about my status. And if you allow me to do so, I’ll try my best to be a part in further and positive developments. But i also ask you for your best intentions and help given the shameful situation. A situation i know many were so unhappy knowing about me, and i tried my best to leave room to reverse some of it without further accusations in any direction.
It's time for a new and good chapter, and i wish for all influential leaders to reconcile and agree internally to return to the very moral ethics and individual human rights mostly all of us agree on already. In any case, what had been allowed to happened to me the last 20 years speaks so much for itself and it will forever be a part in it.
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In any case, looking at my very childhood photo in '86, I’ll leave a few additional words from a proposed 3rd book with the topic of a more detailed and psychoanalytical background of the personal nightmare I somehow created for myself.
"It will never be technology or certain legislation itself
making
happy
slaves
of
us.
It's the accumulated debt, public debt, interest and compound interest of it, already ethically questioned by previous religions."
FLORIAN T. WOS
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First Draft Published, July 13, 2015
BN-13: 978-1508414476
