Nativity Play Narrator
Once upon a time, about 2000 years ago, in a town called Galillee, a woman called Mary was mopping the floor
Mary
Mopping the floor, mopping the floor dum de dum
Angel
Behold!
Mary
Aarrghh!
Angel
I am the Arch Angel Gabriel
Mary
Archie who
Angel
Arch Angel Gabriel, and I have some good news. Mary, you are going to have a baby.
Mary
That’s great, Joseph and i were planning to start a family
Angel
No this is going to the Son of God and he will be called Jesus.
Mary
Jesus ?
Angel
Jesus!
Mary
Jesus!
Angel
(sung) ..Lord he is the king (to the tune of the Chorus)
Mary
I like the name Alan
Angel
No
Mary
Ted?
Angel
The son of God and you want to call him Ted?
Mary
Fair point (Noise outside)
Joseph
Honey I’m home
Mary
Quick it’s Joseph. Hide in the cupboard
Angel
I am an angel, I don’t hide in cupboards (Flies off) (Joseph comes in reading the Galilee gazette newspaper)
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Page 1
Joseph
What’s going on?
Mary `
I think you better sit down. (Gives him a coffee) I am going to have a baby and it’s going to be the Son of God
Joseph
(Splutters on the coffee) That explains things, I thought you were chubbing up a bit. (Mary takes the newspaper, rolls it up and thumps him with it)
Narrator
Nine Months later, Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem for a census, they travelled on their trusted donkey.
Donkey
Are we there yet?
Joseph
Not far now donkey.
Donkey
It is not easy being a donkey, you know
Mary
(Rubbing her belly) You should try being The Virgin
Choir
(Sung) O Little town of Bethlehem How still we see thee lie
Joseph
Here’s a place (knock knock)
Inn Keeper
Yes
Joseph
Any rooms?
Inn Keeper
Sorry mate, fully booked
Mary
Let me guess. You didn’t make a reservation (whacks him with the Gallilee Gazette again)
Joseph
Knock Knock
Inn Keeper 2 Who’s there? Joseph
Joseph and Mary
Inn Keeper 2 Joseph and Mary who?
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Page 2
Mary
It’s not a joke. Do you have a room?
Inn Keeper 2 Nope Joseph
Look, my wife is about to have a baby
Inn Keeper 2 It’s not my fault Joseph
It’s not my fault either
Inn Keeper 2 If it helps you can sleep in the stable, come with me. Here Donkey
(Lays down in the straw) Now that’s what I’m talking about.
Narrator
Meanwhile, in a paddock up in the hills at night
Choir
(Sung) While shepherds watch their flock by night All seated in the ground An angel of the lord came down And beauty shone around
Shepherd 1
Eye spy with my little eye something beginning with S
Shepherd 2
Stars. Eye spy with my little eye something beginning with S
Shepherd 3
Stars.
Angel
Behold
Shepherds
Arrghh!
Shepherd 1
Keep off our sheep!
Angel
Didn’t touch your sheep
Shepherd 2
That’s what they all say
Angel
I am an angel of the lord
Shepherd 3
Alright angel of the lord, what’s that stuffed up your dress.
Angel
Nothing, and it’s not a dress. (clears throat) I have a good news. Tonight the Son of God is born
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Page 3
Shepherds
Cool
Shepherd 1
Where can we find him?
Angel
Down the path, across the bridge, past the Inn, turn right and carry on for about 300 metres until...
Shepherd 2
Errr
Angel
Just follow that star.
Shepherds
(In wonder) Aaahhhhhh!
Narrator
Meanwhile, back in the stable
Choir
(Sung) Away in a manger No crib for a bed The little lord Jesus Lay down his sweet head
Joseph
What a lovely big smile
Mary
He’s the wrong way up Joseph, that’s his bottom
Joseph
(rolls the baby) That’s better
Kings
(Sung) We three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we travel so far
King 1
I have gold
Mary
He is a bit young for bling, but I am sure it will come in handy
King 2
I have Frankincense
Joseph
You what?
King 2
It smells nice. You could use some around here.
King 3
And Myrrh... it an oil, excellent for nappy rash
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Page 4
Choir
(sung) While shepherds watch their flock by night All seated on the ground....
Shepherd 1
(Irish accent) Jesus Mary and Joseph
Mary & Joseph Present! Shepherd 2
We are shepherds and we have come to see baby Jesus
Joseph
Great and what did you bring?
Shepherds 3
We are poor shepherds, we just bought ourselves
Mary
Well I suppose that’s alright.
Joseph
You could have bought some chops. End with a Christmas Song of your choice
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