Approaching the Awkwardness: Roommate Agreements By Molly Labrousse It can be really exciting to live with your best friends, classmates, or Greek sisters or brothers in a new apartment or house. And it should be! Take it from someone who has lived with 24 unique individuals in the last ten years: there is always potential for problems, even with the best of friends, and being proactive with a roommate agreement can be extremely helpful down the road.
It’s easy to think, “we don’t need that, we’re great friends” and avoid a roommate agreement altogether. Being proactive and talking about your lifestyle habits early in the year will help you address issues that may arise. You can start by suggesting a roommate meeting once per semester to discuss some key things that could be conflicts in the future. Here are some major topics to consider talking about and agreeing upon:
Quiet hours You should agree upon what days and times the noise from music, tv, or guests should be at a minimum. There might be certain times of the year (think midterms and finals) where quiet hours may need to be extended. You can also talk about how you would kindly ask one another to tone down the volume, should the other person not be living into what’s been agreed upon. Photo Source: http://www.keepcalmstudio.com/gallery/poster/1dpftSK
Guests One guest or 100 guests, it’s important to get on the same page about expectations of visitors in your shared space. Is it okay for your roommate’s partner to stay over five nights in a row, shower three times a day, and play video games in the living room on TGIT night? Talk about your ideas around guests and set some boundaries.
Cleaning routines The word “clean” is very subjective. One person may think that removing their personal items from the living room is cleaning up while another may think vacuuming, dusting, and mopping will create a clean space. Some expectations for cleanliness are ingrained in us because of the way we were raised. Keep that in mind if your roommate keeps ignoring the “no shoes inside” rule. When I lived with 6 other women, we agreed on splitting and rotating all of our chores. We cleaned as a team every Sunday and then rotated our names on the “Yellow Door Chore Board.” For the crafty readers, Pinterest is your friend.
These side by side photos of one dirty dorm room and one clean room show differences in perceptions of cleanliness. Photo Sources: http://www.keyword-suggestions.com/ZGlydHkgZG9ybSByb29t/ https://gradeslam.org/blog/7-tips-for-studying-in-your-dorm-room
Paying bills Who is going to pay the bills? Will this rotate? How far in advance do you need to collect money for the bills? What will we do if someone can’t pay their portion of the bills? Money issues can be stressful so calm and center yourself before addressing your roommate(s).
Sharing Agree upon whether or not you will be sharing food, clothes, the puppy, or other personal property. Write it on the roommate agreement to prevent future misunderstandings.
When having these conversations, it’s good to think about your positions and your interests while considering those of your roommates. Positions are what you want (i.e. quiet hours at 10PM) . Interests are why you want it (i.e. it’s finals week and a good night’s sleep is crucial to your success). Speak to your roommates with respect and approach the conversation with collaboration in mind. The moral of the story is to set boundaries early and put your agreements in writing. If you start to have thoughts of putting all your roommate’s dirty dishes in their bed with a passive aggressive note, then revisit the agreement you made with your roommate. Talking about the roommate agreement at the beginning of each semester can be helpful if you want or need to make any adjustments. Beyond the Diag, UM’s Off-Campus Housing program in the Dean of Students Office, has a sample Roommate Agreement that you can use to establish your house (or apartment) rules. There is space for each roommate to sign the agreement. You can hang it on the fridge or place it somewhere that is accessible for everyone. You can also visit the Office of Student Conflict Resolution for conflict coaching or other resolution services if your attempts to live peacefully start going awry.
I wish you the best, Wolverines, as you navigate through the year with new roommates making new memories!
Molly Labrousse is the Program Manager for Beyond the Diag, UM’s Off-Campus Housing program in the Dean of Students Office. She also serves on the Student Support Team in the Dean of Students Office. Molly studied Exercise and Sport Science at Oregon State University and then received her Master’s in Recreation Management from the University of New
Hampshire. Her passions include student development, positive youth development, and recreation.
