Chapter III. Case Study 4.b. REWRITING SELF
Artwork 196: A poster design for Rewriting Self. It is a blend of photomontage and calligraphy design, based on Another Birth (Farid 2013)
“…insights in PaR have proved to arise as much in the process as in the product, and I emphasised the value of documenting process and critical reflection along the axis aiming to make the tacit more explicit.” (Nelson 2013 - p.62) Besides doing an intuitive analysis of the poem; Another Birth –please, see An Art-book & Intuitive Analysis, Ch. IV- I made an installation work on the same theme in my garage –Studio G, one of the studios of my home exhibition; Translating the Lines in July 2013. The installation walls were covered with twenty-eight A0 size mounted frames of images which illustrated all the verses of the said poem where a selected number of my props and related artworks were placed in the centre. Making this installation was not a natural process as it caused some painful hidden layers of memory to come to the surface of the mind and several unfinished profiles to be reopened. That resulted shedding light on some disappointing/shortcoming sides of my personality/ identity which has been denied/hidden/unattended, perhaps, by some form of self-defence mechanism. (PAR) (I) (II) (AE) (PMDP) (ITX) (PMILPDP) (PMIDDP)
PLANNING • Mental Preparation: I attended various forms of counselling and CBT sessions, a series of workshops about self-awareness, unfinished business, the women issues, mindfulness and hypnotherapy sessions by: Dr Azita Sayan - https://embracegrowth.com/ Dr Farhang Holakuee - https://www.drholakouee.com/ The West Suffolk CBT Service Ltd - http://www.westsuffolkcbt.org/ • Stimulus: As said above, I have chosen the poem; Another Birth, as a stimulus, leverage, or catalyst to push away the veils of denial. That facilitated me to break through the barriers of a defence mechanism which covers up the darker layers of my identity which make me think, behave and Becoming –please, see 3MJ- the specific individual that I am; who would deal with the life choices in a particular manner. Another Birth is textual documentation of the process of Be/coming a Persian woman by Forough Farrokhzad, who has gone through a life of intellectual quests, emotional dead ends and personal turning points. Hence, the metaphorical imaginary lines of this poem which are expressed in a highly stylised and artistic language could be a suitable choice of stimulus/leverage/catalyst for this aspect of my project; Rewriting Self, helping me to translate the invisible lines of my personality into visible ones. (PAR) (I) (II) (AE) (ITX) (PMDP) (ITX) (PMILPDP) (PMIDDP) Initially, I became interested in Forough's work due to some comments which I received on my expressive writings regarding similarity of expression and themes. Since then, I gradually became interested and aware of the visual potentials of Forough's metaphoric and symbolic poetry. Moreover, I realised that this poem of hers; Another Birth, was mirroring me well enough as a member of Forough’s ethnic group, indicating how Forough and I could fall into a close category in terms of using Autoethnography as a working strategy. • Title & Theme: The title of this work; Rewriting Self, and its theme is Watching the Watcher -becoming aware of my Becomingthat is to watch back my path in life and to create/leave some landmarks behind. • Media: The medium here is the language of visual arts, and the vehicle which delivers the subject matter and the theme is an installation work which includes 28 frames of photomontage and calligraphy design; Another Birth, together with a collection of memorable and personal props, photographs, documents, etc. • Methodology and Strategy: The methodology which is used in this area of work is also PaR -Planning, Making & Reflection. However, Intertextuality (ITX), PaRvaneh Model of Interlinguistic Dialectic Process -PMILDP, PaRvaneh Model of InterLinguPictorial Dialectic Process -PMILPDP and Auto-ethnography (AE), Intuition (I), Imperative Interactionism (II), Qualitative Image Base (QIB) are regarded as my strategies here. • Venue: My home garage –Studio G- seems to be a suitable venue for this theme and this aspect of work. For many use their garages to store old items and personal belongings that although are not in use, they are kept for one reason or another, such as sentimental values or thing which should be dealt with later.
MAKING “… there is potential for rigour in the making of whatever art praxis is involved, ranging from craft techniques to the gathering, selecting and editing of materials in a piece of post-modern devised theatre.” (Nelson 2013 - p. 64) • Installation: As said earlier, the installation consists of 28 –A0 size- frames of photomontage and calligraphy design images on the theme of Another Birth; a poem by Forough Farrokhzad. These frames are hung on washing lines along the walls, and they encircle a selection of my personal and memorable properties which refer to some significant events turning points of my life; revealing aspects of my personality/identity.
Photograph(s) 197: Two views of Studio G; Rewriting Self (Farid 2013) “The entire existence of mine is but a dark verse...” (Farrokhzad 1975)
• Lighting: Unless the onlookers request otherwise, they have not ushered in this womb-like dark space –symbolising infancy and birth- hence they find themselves in the position of the performer-audience participation. The onlookers are each given a forehead-torch to wear, so they can only see what they directly look at, and their peripheral vision is blocked. The onlookers should use their hands to move away from the layers of the black nets which are hung around from the ceiling –symbolising layers of time and psychological defence mechanisms which obstruct our memories- so they progress into space, see what is on display and search in the draws and the wooden boxes. A few onlookers have reported having a similar experience to the game of treasure hunt. Nevertheless, they do not find any treasure here, but various items which signify aspects of my identity and personality are sometimes surprising even to myself. Some have expressed their experience here as being in a womb and their exit from this dark, confined and mysterious space as Another Birth. • Analysis: The invisible lines of the conscious and unconscious memory could be translated to the visible and invisible lines of art formats, and vice versa. Furthermore, the exposition to some stimuli could provoke the unconscious memories to become active again and come forward. These stimuli –thesis- could be a text, a photograph, an image, an object or a piece of artwork by myself or someone else. As the result of a dialectic process, the unconscious memory becomes more and more active –acting as an antithesis- until a new piece of artwork -synthesis- is finalised and my awakened memories materialise themselves in that outcome. Besides that, this process could have some meditative and mindful effect which could help the mind to travel into the more profound and darker layers of the memories and even providing a kind of art therapy for me. As mentioned earlier, taking this poem; Another Birth, as a stimulus, reliving them and translating its verses into the visual
images of photomontage and calligraphy helped me to revisit the scenes of my own life and to come face to face with some aspects of my character. That was even more so as I modelled for most of the scenes myself -I found myself living the verses as appose to just acting them up. Perhaps many who fall into this ethnic group could identify with what I say here, and maybe this is a reason for Forough’s popularity as a contemporary Persian female poet.
• Checking My Life Against the List of Another Birth Personal Development: The poem begins with the below three verses/scenes I-II-III, which refer to the expression of love of a woman who endeavours to inspire and to be inspired through an intimate process of integration with her soul-mate. That is to be motivated to grow together through their mutual love.
Per Artworks: 145 - 147 I -The entire existence of mine is but a dark verse that while repeating your mantra within ascends and takes you to the dawn of ever-blooming and growth. II -In this verse, I sigh you, I sigh…
Per Artworks: 149
III -In this verse I graft you to the tree, submerge you in water and burnish you with fire. In writing these verses, perhaps Forough was referring to the great love of her life; her soul-mate, co-artist and filmmaker; Ebrahim Golestan. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebrahim_Golestan
The idea of growing through and meeting a soul-mate also reminds me of the artistic development of Frida Kahlo after meeting Diego Rivera – Please, see Ch.IV – P.2: A Visual Literature Review and Bibliography of Another Birth. I have always envied people like Forough or Frida Kahlo for their artistic growth through meeting and working with their soulmates. I married my ex-husband along the same line of the idea; however, that was purely my intention of marriage, not his. I cannot deny that in doing that I was very selfish, and my aims and plans for development were often self-centred and
dominating, and it overlooked his marital needs, aims, and wishes. Hence, even though we helped one another on our various lines of interests, we did not develop together on the same path nor did we grow with the same momentum and rhythm.
Wedding Dress: The focal point of this installation is my white wedding dress with added three red stains on its skirt, signifying the notion of virginity which is lost to the marriage. I bought that dress a few years before anticipating getting married. It was just a white gown going cheaply in a Lara Ashley sale. When we decided to get married, I made that dress up with adding a few white ostrich feathers on the collar, sleeves and the skirt hem. I also made a headdress and arranged a bouquet of artificial flowers.
Photograph(s) 198: The Wedding Dress & Three Drops of Blood (Hedayat 2012), three views of Studio G; Rewriting Self (Farid 2013)
Fear of Relationship: As said earlier, this dress is placed in front of a set of 3-fold display boards, where my wedding bouquet and a range of my relevant artworks, including a portrait of my ex-husband is positioned. Looking at this line of work objectively, make me wonder if I have a degree of fear or resentment towards sexuality, intimacy, and relationship. It seems as if, unintentionally, I have projected those elements on my marriage, causing it to fail –of course here, I am only looking at my role in this tango which takes two. Some of these artworks are made in the style of Dadaism. To me, dark humour and ironic theme often form the armature –inner and invisible line of the work- of this style, and the uses of the metaphors encapsulate its contour –the external and visible lines of the work. The capacities and capabilities of the style of Dadaism could, perhaps, arm me to deny and cover up my direct attitudes towards a delicate and explicit subject matter which is regarded as taboo –sexuality in this case- on the one hand, and enable me to be expressive and articulate on the other.
Photograph 199: This frame shows the display board, placed in Studio G (Farid 2013)
Artwork 200: Keep them out of the reach of adults, a photographic sculpture with an ironic theme (Farid 2009) This frame is placed on the display board (Photograph 199)
Artwork 201: The Latest Halal Method of Contraception, a photographic sculpture with an ironic theme (Farid 2009) This frame is placed on the display board (Photograph 199)
Artwork 202: Untitled, a photographic sculpture with an ironic theme (Farid 2009) This frame is placed on the display board (Photograph 199)
Artwork 203: Untitled, a photographic sculpture (ibid)
Artwork 204 (L): Women’s Biological Clock, a construction sculpture from the found materials (Farid 2008) This Sculpture is placed on the display board (Photograph 199) Artwork 205 (R): Untitled, a photographic sculpture with an ironic theme (Farid 2009) This frame is placed on the display board (Photograph 199)
To be creative in Dadaism does not mean to do much nor needs it to spend a considerable amount of time. Sometimes just to take a snapshot of a found object, which everybody else may overlook, in a particular light, a particular angle, a precise frame or in a different context could be suggestive enough. Nevertheless, the interpretation of the onlookers could be subjective due to their personal and cultural attitudes on that issue. When I emailed one of the above images –Latest Method of Contraception- to my friends, I received various reflections. It was interesting to note that most of my Iranian friends grasped the humorous side of that image, whereas some of my Western friends took the matter literary and thought I was indorsing sadism. A few of the latter group even removed me from their e-mailing list.
Fear of Loneliness: It seems, despite longing for a soul-mate and being concerned about loneliness, I am frightened of intimacy and having a close relationship. The below image, which is also placed on the said 3-fold display-board, could support that assumption. This image referred to the only occasion when my ex-husband said: I love you dearly, you know. It was 22.07pm on 4th November 2003. I took note of that occasion on the back of a tissue box, then and there, and kept it safe. I feel so lonely in this marriage, once I declared that feeling to a friend. The combinations of these memories and the following events led me to create the below artwork, which is edited to suit the verse XI of Another Birth, the Art-Book.
Artwork 206: I Love You Dearly, You Know (Farid 2009) This frame is placed on the display board (Photograph 199)
Per Artwork 165:
XI -In a room that measures up my loneliness, -my heart that encompasses a love, is staring at its naïve excuses for happiness; -The beauty of the slow death of flowers in a vase, -the sapling that you planted in our garden, and the songs of canaries that sing as wide as a window. Also, on that display-board is a portrait of my ex-husband. It is hung face down, indicating the divorce. The other image, next to that, shows scares on my back; where the wings were supposed to be -wings being the metaphor for an angelic, nativity and innocence which are lost through the earthy challenges in life. For this reason, losing the wings could also be a metaphor for losing the virginity.
Artwork 207: I am not Responsible for my Scars, only for their Healing (Farid 2009) This frame is placed on the display board (Photograph 199)
I might have been afraid or ashamed of losing my virginity due to some influential cultural taboos. Perhaps I blamed my husband for that, and maybe I thought by ending the marriage I shall return to the paradise from which I had escaped. Perhaps, I endeavoured to regain my innocence and getting those angelic wings back through the divorce.
Photograph 208: This photo show Artwork 207 next to a turned back frame of my ex-husband portrait. Both frames are placed on the display board (Photograph 199)
The following artwork is Return to the Paradise. It is taken from the story of creation when Eve bites the forbidden fruit –an apple- and encourages Adam to do so too (ITXDP). The presence of this work here refers to my regrets for doing what I should not have done, or even more so, for what I should have been doing to secure my marriage. It could also be portraying the divorce as a way of regaining the virginity; Return to the Paradise.
Photograph 209: This frame shows another view of the display board, placed in Studio G (Farid 2013)
Artwork 210: Return to the Paradise, a photographic sculpture with an ironic theme (Farid 2007) This frame is placed on the display board (Photograph 209)
The Meaning of Life: The following verses of Another Birth refer to the philosophy of life which is also a matter of my interest in this project, particularly with regards to the arts and development of the line; the Map of My MetaCognitive Journey.
(L) Per Artwork 151. IV -Life is perhaps but a long street, along which
a woman passes by, day after day, carrying a shopping basket. (R) Artwork 153. V -Life is perhaps but a rope that a man hangs himself with off a branch.
(L) Per Artwork 155. VI -Life is perhaps but a child who returns from school. (R) Per Artwork 157. VII -Life is perhaps but lighting a cigarette
during the moments of fatigue between two climaxes,
(L) Per Artwork 159. VIII -or perhaps it is the vague passing by of a pedestrian who takes his hat off to another and with a
meaningless smile says: ‘Good morning’ (R) Per Artwork 161. IX -Life is perhaps but that closed moment when my gaze destroys itself within the pupil of your eyes. Per Artwork 163. X -and in this, there is a sensation which I would merge with comprehension of the moon and the receipt of
darkness. The below verses are my response to above Forough’s definition of life: … and I asked her what the meaning of life was ... and she replied: ‘Life is perhaps but a long street, along which a woman passes by, day after day, carrying a shopping basket.’ ... and I disagreed, saying: no... Life is perhaps but a hasty full stop which is suddenly dropped in the middle of a sentence, here… or there... (Farid 2008) Please, see My Body is a Temple for My Soul in the Appendices, and also my writing with regards to the verse XXI; A journey of a volume along the dimension of time that makes the dry line of time pregnant… later on this page.
Self-Worth: Forough wrote this poem in a difficult period of her life -she was hospitalised for depression- hence the following verses may be referring to her experiences of that time. As a refugee woman, most of my early youth memories are haunting around my loneliness –In a room that measures up my loneliness. During the early time of my arrival to the UK, I went through a series of unforeseen psychological as well as concrete obstacles in adjusting to the new life. That was after living my early life in Iran as a reserved child and an introvert teenager, even before losing the central figures of my family. In Iran, I was brought up in a Bahá’í family with some opposing standards to the mainstream culture which was increasingly more radical as result of the socalled Islamic Revolution. Besides that, the consequences of a long war with Iraq which left many with physical and psychological scars, were there to be endured collectively. Hence, besides the current circumstances, I would be not surprised if my present state of depression -which also affected my marital life and consequently my academic career- being resulted from my previous life experiences. Further to that, during the immigration, the urge for survival had fully occupied the foreground of my mind, so it is only now as I have reached a safe shore, I am experiencing some after effect’s trauma. Per Artwork 165. XI -In a room that measures up my loneliness, my heart, which encompasses a love,
stares at its naïve excuses for happiness; The beauty of the slow death of flowers in a vase, the sapling that you planted in our garden, and the songs of the Canaries that sing as wide as a window. On the same line of idea, Brigitte Bardot, a sixties French actor is heard to say; ‘…although my life has passed in loneliness, I have easily come to terms with that, because I enjoy thinking. Today world does not gratify me. However, there are still a few small miracles keep me going, such as; a flowering shrub, a dancing bee, the potency of the sea, and above all the animals, for their purity, braveness, and loyalty.’ (Bardot 2017)
Per Artwork 167. XII -Ah… Is this my share…?
Per Artwork 169. XIII -My share is a piece of sky
that is taken away from me by hanging a curtain?
Per Artwork 171. XIV -My share is descending an
abandoned staircase and merging with something that is in deterioration and alienation?
Memory, Identity and the Individual: Verse XV -My share is a miserable walk around the garden of memories- of this poem refers to the concept of the memory. Forough regards her past as a miserable experience. Although sometimes even remembering happy memories could sadden us, due to our state of mind which may perceive that the sunny days have passed, and alas, the present is not all that happy.
Artwork 173. XV -My share is a miserable walk
around the garden of memories? It could be said that one’s Identity is influenced by: a) b) c) d) e) f)
The suitcases of her/his memories Her/his perception and attitudes towards those memories Her/his analytical mind and the way s/he may process those perceptions The format and the method by which s/he would express that process The way s/he assumes her/his physical, mental and spiritual appearance Her/his social groups’ affiliations which are also based on what has been said
If some credit is given to the above claim, our memorable props which could activate our hidden memories and unlock the forgotten files of unfinished businesses could hold the key to open our Identity/personality. These notable items could also adjust/regulate a part of our memory which is distorted or changed, as the memory does not seem to be always a static phenomenon, but a flowing one. To expand on the latter matter, I would like to define the notions of Fluid Memory, Negative Space of Memories or Negative Memory, and Future Memory. a. Positive Memory and Fluid Memory: The Positive Memory –the actual memory or the real occurrence of the events- does not seem to be a static phenomenon, but rather a fluid and living process which changes, distorts, and grows in time. For example, often a picture/image which we see for the second time does not appear quite the same as the first. I remember when Hadi Khorsandi –a Persian poet- showed me a portrait of himself for the second time, he immediately noticed the disappointment on my face and said; it is not as you remember it, is it? and how right he was. In another occasion, when I worked in the accident and emergency wards as a student nurse, my tutor asked me to write down the details of an incident soon after it
occurred. That was before my mind got a chance to alter or distort its features –perhaps due to the fear, emotion, preferences, previous similar or contrasting experiences, or rational justifications. Maybe that is one of the reasons that people’s initial statements usually overwrite what is claimed by them later in the court of justice. Furthermore, a study shows that those memories which are charged with emotion -particularly of negative nature- have more details which are more prone to subjectivity. (Kensinger 2007, P 214) b. Negative Space of Memories or Negative Memory: By this term, I am not referring to the memories of negative emotional nature nor am I pointing out the distorted or false memory (Depue 2010 & Brandon 2014) -a fabricated or deformed recollection of an event that has not actually happened. Instead, I am engaging with a range of memories which should/could have formed if one was given a chance to be present or to partake a specific situation in an exact place at a particular time. The idea of this notion; Negative Space of Memories or Negative Memory has developed in my mind due to the personal experiences as a refugee. I should admit that the most considerable loss of my life is being deprived the chance to partake the process of cultural progression of my homeland, and also developing a relationship and building a shared history with my relatives and comrades whom I left behind. When I left Iran for good, in a way all cultural bridges were destroyed behind me, and somehow the natural build-up of my memories was interrupted at that particular point in time. It appears that although I can continue my personal development alongside the culture of my hosting community, my engagement with the context of my motherland culture is either frozen or it has found an uncharacteristic form and direction to the mainstream cultural progression. I would like to refer to those memories of my involvement which I could have formed should I gave a chance as Negative Space of Memories or just as Negative Memory. It is said that about four to seven million Iranian -nearly10% of the population- have left Iran since the so-called; Islamic Revolution in 1979. Nevertheless, a type of subculture has been shaped amongst this section of Iranians, in particular in cities such as Los Angeles –referred to as Tehran Angeles by them- where large groups of Iranian community are present. It is noticeable that the said sections of Iranians have been behaving differently from those who have remained in Iran. Of course, there are reasons for such apparent outcome, such as the migrants could have been from atypical groups of Iranian in the first place. General speaking, it appears as migrants are culturally frozen at the point of relocation, and despite today’s cyber provision, they seem to lose connection with their mother culture which continues its normal process of evolution. The above assumption appears to be backed up by looking at those artists who are still practising in Iran, despite being severely suppressed by the Islamic government. It seems to me that the said group of artists to be more innovative and expressive than those who have left Iran, and that is despite having access to more opportunity and freedom of expression in the West by those who have gone. For example, Googoosh –an iconic Persian singer- who has been active for over 60 years, after leaving Iran for the West is still banking on the nostalgic aspects of her career, failing to be competitive with her past. Whereas another singer; Shajarian, who is working inside Iran, has been developing innovative ideas in his line of traditional Persian music and even been inventing some new instruments.
Photograph 211(L): Googoosh, a Persian Diva: GoogooshLegend (7 January 2016) Photograph 212(R): Mohammadreza Shajarian a traditional Persian singer (22 September 2017)
Photograph(s) 213: Shows Shajarian and his instruments. Iran News (5 October 2011)
My generation of Iranian refugees are sometimes referred to as Nasl e Sukhteh, a term which is literary translated as; The Burnt Generation –otherwise a forgotten generation- is a group of nomads who have sometimes been frozen. Something which may be attributed to the coldness of nostalgias or perhaps a type of Future Memory which they are afraid it might not be materialised in their lifetime. c. Future Memory – Back to the Future: is a self-made term by which I refer to a set of subjective events which we tend to consciously visualise so vividly, systematically, and frequently that after a while, despite being aware of its fabrication, we regard/remember it as a real experience. Although Future Memory has an interface with the false memory (Depue 2010 & Brandon 2014) –which is resulted from some unconscious psychological impairment- I would like to stress their differences rather than their commonalities. In my artwork, I do not put on a ban nor do I avoid/deny my Negative Memory or the Future Memory. On the contrary, I provide them with space so that they can play an energetic and constructive role. However, I try to remain aware, and vigilantly overseeing the reorganisation of the interfaces of the reality sides of things with the fantasy, giving way to their inspirational role to produce some innovative ideas.
(L) Per Artwork 1: Past and Future - (R) Per Artwork (103): If Marilyn was still alive
In other words, by understanding the notions of the Fluid Memory, Negative Memory, and the Future Memory, I manage to oversee and be aware of the possibility of their interferences in shaping up or influencing my Positive Memory. That enables me to make conscious decisions in accessing them to achieve a desirable outcome and be able to retrace their motivating sources and their paths.
To Be or Not to Be: If we cut a shape of a flat surface we are not only left with a positive image which, initially, had in mind but a second piece which is the by-product of this process; a negative space. In my artwork, I would like to consider this Negative Space and develop it as a Visual Metaphor for what said earlier with regards to; the Negative Memory.
Artwork 214: Negative Space as a Visual Metaphor for the Negative Memory (Farid 2013)
This notion alongside the concept of the performance of the line is contributing to the production of a series of sculptural work; based on the interactions between the Positive & Negative Spaces. The stress of this line of work is, mainly, highlighted where the negative space defines what should there be. In other words, Not to Be would determine what could have been there –To Be. Sadly, the progress of this line of my work was interrupted by a problematic situation which raised by the academia. Although some of these artworks are seen in Studio C (Please, see Studio C in my 2013 exhibition; Translating the Lines - http://translatingthelines.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/4-studio-c.html
) the main body of work will be submitted as a part of a PhD project later (Please, see my 2015
Exhibition; 2D or Not 2D http://twodornotwod.blogspot.co.uk/ ).
Back to the Installation Space: There are two chests of draws which are placed on the left and right-side walls of the garage. These chests of draws contain many snapshots, memorable items, letters, official documents and a range of ID cards which demonstrate layers of my social affiliations.
Photograph(s) 215: Two chests of draws contain many snapshots, ID cards, letters, documents and memorable items (Farid 2013)
Photograph(s) 216: A collection ID cards which I have collected over the years (Farid 2013)
Photograph(s) 217: A collection of snapshots which bring back lots of memories (Farid 2013) Unfortunately, almost all my childhood photographs got lost in the post.
Photograph 218: A wooden box –representing my coffin- is in the centre of the space. it contains some pieces of my unfinished projects (Farid 2013)
Photograph(s) 219: Some old Iranian money and letters which I received over the years (Farid 2013)
Each ID card could stand for a turning point, indicating an official acknowledgement by the society which has been hesitating to accept my full membership and my identity as it should be. I have learned that when one is forced to leave her motherland due to a social/political trauma and is made to destroy all bridges behind, her social status is radically affected overnight. That could mean that most of what were regarded as prominence quality and value in her mother culture and have ranked her as a member of a certain social class either are devalued or even would produce opposite marks within the context of the new cultural paradigm. That is an experience which could, yet again, be expressed visually by the interface between the Negative Space and the Positive Space.
Anticipation for Love: The next verse of the poem -XVI; ‘and to die in anticipation of hearing a voice that says: “I love your hands…?”’ resembles my feelings and attitudes towards love and relationship. Also, as mentioned earlier, what my ex-husband said at 22.07pm on 4th November 2003 -I love you dearly, you know- made me think that Mission was not Impossible. Moreover, falling in love, getting married and then the divorce could form a triangle which manifests an essential aspect of my identity.
(L) Per Artwork 175: XVI -and to die in anticipation of hearing a voice that says: “I love your hands…?” (R) Per Artwork 206: XI -In a room that measures up my loneliness…
Photograph 220: My wedding dress, a symbol of achieving my long quest for love, was placed at the focal point of the installation. (Farid 2013)
Working Hands: The relevance of the pictorial verses of Another Birth continues to unfold my memories and desires. That ranges from anticipations for love to desire to grow and self-actualisation, and from the make-believe games as a child to my teenage years when I endeavoured to establish my identity. This poem also reminds me of the sense of social belonging, and above all making a lifetime action plan. That is whether Forough describes her desire to grow, Forough gets her hands to work. So, metaphorically, she plants her hand in the garden.
Per Artwork 177. XVII - I shall plant my hands in the garden. I shall grow, I know, I know, I know… and swallows will lay their egg in the hollow of my inky fingers
In another poem – Let’s Believe in Freezing Season- Forough finds the ladder inadequate to reach her ambitions. She says: …and the ladder… what a humble height it has!
(Farrokhzad 1992, p.402)
That reminds me of what I wrote in one of my expressive pieces of writings: “… For I am a woman, a nonchalant but able, who will make a stone out of that bright star for her ring. and will craft the loop of the sun to be her crown, and the earth her terrain. for I am a woman, the nonchalant but able…” (Farid 1979) The above piece of writing of mine shows some similar attitude with regards to the rise and fall of the line of Forough’s expressions. That is to take-off from the platform of reality and true personal capacities but flying over the boundaries of fantasy and imagination soon after. Forough says: I shall plant my hands in the garden, by planting her hands; she is referring to her needs for self-actualisation, and the responsibility which she bears and the actions which she takes. The inky fingers - with reference to pupil’s hands when doing their homework- are a metaphor which indicates her responsibility and what she would do to grow. Furthermore, Forough uses another symbolic image here, an egg, which suggests the potential for the emergence of a new chapter in her life and achievement or a turning point on the path to her self-actualisation. In other words, she is working towards Another Birth. Talking about self-actualisation reminds me of Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs –seen below- according to which after satisfying a lower layer of the needs, a higher lever begins to evident its desires (Maslow 2011). Parallel to the said scheme, the 3MJ (Farid 2011-17) illustrates the stages of my understanding of the formation and progression of the lines of human’s basic drives, proceeding to the development of the Language of Arts. That is before the latter being used as a tool to mediate one’s selfexpression and various articulate aspects of the self-actualisation.
Per Map 47: Maslow Pyramid of Human Needs
Per Map 43: Map of My MetaCognitive Journey -3MCJ (Farid 2010-18) 3MCJ http://imitationforprotection.lahhzeh.org/2017/09/da-map-of-my-metaphysical-journey.html
To continue with the theme of the working hands, I can refer to my nursing uniform which I have placed beside my wedding dress, as yet another important item which brings about memories in relation with my identity. There is also a rail of clothes in that space, on which there are a number of gowns which I wore at some significant events of my life, such as performances, and not to forget my first kiss. The mentioned nursing uniform stands for my practical efforts in achieving a degree of self-actualisation here. I did a Pre-Nursing course before doing some voluntary work at Newmarket Hospital and working as an auxiliary nurse at Addenbrooke's Hospital before doing my general nursing training -RGN- at West Suffolk Hospital School of Nursing. Nursing seemed to be the only career in which I could have worked and studied at the same time. However, I think that my hidden agenda and main incentive for doing that was to accomplish my unfinished business with regards to my inadequate feelings which I experienced when I happened to be my mother’s prime carer towards the end of her life. Through my nursing profession I managed to look after so many people in a professional capacity, and perhaps, I managed to pay off some of my debt to my mother, that way and also reduce my guilt. When I received comments such as; My mother could not have received better care towards the end of her life, or We could not manage without PaRvaneh, from some patients’ relatives, I was reassured that the mission was accomplished.
Photograph(s) 221: I have kept all my nursing uniforms, hats, and the cape as souvenir from the journey which not only helped me to complete an unfinished business but built a very significant layer of my identity (Farid 1990-2013)
Childhood Memories: Here, I travel through my childhood memories via those make-believe moments which are suggested by Forough;
Per Artwork 179: XVIII - “I shall wear earrings of twin red cherries”
That journey is carried away right to my teenage years when I began to establish my gender identity and form a sense of social and cultural belonging.
Per Artwork 181: XIX(a) -"There is an alleyway in which
those boys who were in love with me, with the same untidy hair and thin necks and twig-like legs… are dreaming, still... Per Artwork 183: XIX(b) -of the innocent smiles of a girl who one night has Gone with the Wind.
Per Artwork 185: XX -There is an alleyway that my heart has stolen from my childhood’s memories. The above few scenes have a special appeal to me. I wrote my first love letter at the age of 12, prior to having any understanding of sexuality. Ever since, I have longed to meet with a soul-mate who could awaken my intuitions and make me achieve my potentials. Towards the end of my teenage years, I had to leave my homeland, where I was denied of the higher education, employment, and many other aspects of the human rights and citizenship, such as personal safety. Therefore, I left Iran and began a new life in the UK. I consider that journey a turning point in my life which above all provided me with safety and then space and an opportunity to achieve a degree of self-actualisation. It finishes before it would begin is the title of a poem about the expression of my first love at the age of 12. That poem begins with
the next few verses. “I said to myself: It always finishes before it would even begin Like a scoop of ice cream that often fell off its corn in my nerves hand, when I was a child...” (Please, see the Appendices Farid 2008) The above few verses indicate to me that although Forough and I could have some analogous starting points and ultimate goal; such as craving for self-realisation and actualisation through meeting our soul-mates, we have achieved different results. It appears as Forough has realised that her soul-mate is no one but her authentic self when she says; ask the mirror; the name of your redeemer (Farrokhzad 1989, p.423) whereas I am still struggling to find such entity outside myself. At the point of reviewing this piece of writing, however, that understanding of mine is about to change and to get closer to Foroug’s said idea; there is no one out there but my authentic-self. Hence, towards the end of this phase of emotion, the incentive which began in my childhood and carried me through my adulthood is now about to change.
My Authentic-Self: I think, despite being somehow vague, the below few verses could hold the key to a better understanding of this poem and also to its relevance to my life. Earlier on, in An Intuitive Analysis, I analysed these verses from the philosophical viewpoint http://imitationforprotection.lahhzeh.org/2017/10/snother-birth-artbook.html, and now I try to look at them in a different light. Although Forough used the same term; volume, in these verses three times, I believe that she has referred to three different concepts. Hence, I colour code this term; volume, differently each time it is used to make it easier to explain (1st: volume# = a wayfarer, 2nd: volume## = experience & understanding, 3rd: volume### = the authentic self).
Per Artwork 187: XXI -A journey of a volume# along the dimension of time,
that makes the dry line of time pregnant by a volume##
Per Artwork 189: XXII -a volume### of a conscious image,
that is returning from its reunion with a mirror.
On that basis, I argued that perhaps what Forough meant by; A journey of a volume# along the dimension of time, that makes the dry line of time pregnant with a volume##, was this; a journey of a wayfarer (1st: a volume#) along the dimension of time, makes the barrenness of her life (the dry line of time) fertile (pregnant) with experience and understanding (2nd: volume##), and the verse; a volume### of a conscious image, that is returning from its reunion with a mirror, could mean; a wayfarer (volume#) who gets in touch with her authentic self (of a conscious image), is now becoming united with her/his reality; authentic-self (volume###); that is returning from its reunion with a mirror, which reflects that reality/realisation. Recently, I have heard Forough’s brother –Fereydoun Farrokhzad who was assassinated by the Islamic Government in 1992 in his home in Germany- giving a similar interpretation to mine about the said verses in hid talk in Sweden (Farrokhzad 1992). Fereydoun suggested that by a volume, Forough is referring to herself when she reunited by herself, a unification which resulted in generating her poetry throughout her life, a unification which without her life –dimension of time- would have been unproductive. At this point, I would like to look at these verses in the context of the concept of the Line and Hegelian Dialectics, and that could provide me with an incentive for some further artworks. a. The Concept of the Line: If we agree on the definition of the Line as being an abstract phenomenon which has only one single dimension, within the reality of the three-dimensional universe, it is not possible to have any Line. However, the only way to imagine a line is to perform it. Furthermore, the performance of the Line is nothing but an invisible trace of the movement of an abstract entity in time and space, against another entity. Hence, what is commonly referred to as the Line could be nothing but the documentation of that invisible trace using a widely accepted symbolic form and a suitable type of technology –in its simplest form which is a pen and a piece of paper. (Please, see the Appendices; The Line is Born, Farid 2012 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBmNCpiXYWc) Based on what has said above, this verse; A journey of a volume along the dimension of time… could be regarded as the performance of the Line, because it is talking about the movement –journey- of an entity –a volume- in time which could leave an invisible trace behind. Nevertheless, the trace of this performance could, one way or another, be documented. Although a pen and a piece of paper could document some Visible Lines, there are some forms of documentation which are invisible; such as documenting a movement on the canvas of our memory. In other words, the documentation of the Invisible Line of a movement could also be Invisible. b. The Hegelian Dialectic Approach: Now I look at these two verses with the Hegelian Dialectic approach; thesis, antithesis, and synthesis (Hegel 1998). It was said earlier, although, in this poem the term volume is used three times, we should take it as if it refers to a different entity each time it is mentioned. The first time the term (volume#) refers to the wayfarer. Here, I would regard the wayfarer as the thesis. The third time the term (volume###) is used, Forough is referring to her reflection in the mirror; which is her authentic-self; the antithesis. The second time the term (volume##) is mentioned, may be referring to the synthesis of this dialectic process; that is the embryo of understanding, which makes Forough acknowledge herself as her own redeemer. In other words, Forough –or the wayfarer in this scenario- is the thesis which is referred to as the first (volume#), and the second (volume##) or the synthesis of the dialectic process is only the child of self-realisation that Forough became pregnant
with when she meets the third (volume###) or the antithesis. That is the reflection of her authentic-self in the mirror. Therefore, we could argue that in a way, Forough gets pregnant here with herself and by herself. That is an understanding which as said earlier is also supported by her brother; Fereydoun.
Ideas for My Future Artworks: Furthermore, with an artistic approach to Hegelian Dialectic, I would like to introduce the notion of the mirror to make antithesis of an image or the thesis. Imagine if there is a dot on the surface of a mirror. At this point, we can assume that the dot and its reflection on the mirror are one single entity (in reality, this assumption is not possible due to the thickness of the mirror’s glass). As the dot begins to move away from the surface of the mirror, its reflection could be taken as the antithesis. Now we could say that the documentation of the movement of that dot, which is getting away from the mirror, could be regarded as the synthesis - the performance of the Line. In other words, it could be said that the Line is the synthesis of the Hegelian Dialectic Process when it is performed as the result of the movement of a dot –thesis- getting away from its reflection –antithesis- on a mirror. In this instance, yet again, the Line -synthesis- remains Invisible while the dot -thesis- and its reflection -antithesis- are both Visible. Based on what is said; The Concept of the Line and the HD, these verses are provoking some idea for my future visual and performing artworks. That would be to do with the use of the mirrors and the two-way mirrors. (For my previous projects with the use of mirrors, please refer to the Appendices; A Silence to be Heard)
The Last Offices: The next verse of the poem –reminded below- talks about the last stage of the earthy life; death. That is the theme of another future project of mine; The Last Offices –a term which medically is referred to the preparation procedure which is usually performed by the nursing staff for a corpus. This project will, possibly, include performance art and installation work. As a part of the preparation, I have made a Living Will, renewed my Will this year, and have also contacted Dignitas -an organisation in Switzerland which legally organises and performs an assisted suicide. That would be useful, providing I manage to live to the end of my life and I could afford the cost, as a DIY is always cheaper.
Per Artwork 191: XXIII -and that is how someone dies, and someone remains.
In his talk in Sweden, Fereydoun Farrokhzad 1992) suggests that the above verse is the continuation of the previous verses –XXI and XXII. He continues implying that by someone dies, Forough is referring to someone who fails to meet her/his authentic-self, and someone remains, is perhaps referring to those who do. That suggestion makes me think that similar to passing on our genes which carry on living after us –Please, see 3MCJ- we could also pass on the genes of our thoughts and ideas which are generated and expressed as result of meeting our authentic-self. That is how someone –who does not pass on the gene of her/his thoughtsdies and someone –who passes on the gene of her/his views- remains.
Living Through Death: The idea of living through death is not a new idea in Persian school of mystic thoughts. However, it is interesting to see that Forough also addresses this type of inspiration in an ambiguous but artistic manner without getting
mystically too tangled up. The below paragraph looks at the opening passage of The Valley of True Poverty and Absolute Nothingness -the last valley of The Seven Valleys of Bahá’u’lláh, please also see ISV in Ch.II.P1b: Strategies- in connection with Another Birth. Here, I have inserted various parts of the poem –Bold Italic- as I find them relevant to this course. “This station is the dying from self –that is how someone dies- and the living in God –someone remains- the being poor in self –that is how someone dies- and rich in the Desired One –someone remains. Poverty as here referred to signifieth being poor in the things of the created world –that is how someone dies- rich in the things of God’s world –someone remains. For when the true lover and devoted friend –A journey of a volume along the dimension of time- reacheth to the presence – makes the dry line of time pregnant with a volume- of the Beloved, the sparkling beauty of the Loved One –a volume of a conscious image- and the fire of the lover’s heart will kindle a blaze and burn away all veils and wrappings. Yea, all he hath, from heart to skin, will be set aflame, so that nothing will remain save the Friend –that is returning from its reunion with a mirror- …” (Bahá’u’lláh 1986 –Farrokhzad 1992, p.394 –Farid 2017)
The above assumption could upset few Bahá’ís and Forough’s fan alike, as I have experienced some fanatic remarks from both groups with regards to bringing Bahá’u’lláh, mysticism, and Forough under the same roof in the past. The first group regards Bahá’u’lláh’s writing sacred and the latter may get offended by interpreting Forough’s poetry within the mystical paradigms. However, I think as Gooch argues that in the 21st century, the West has begun to value different ways of knowing, hence intuition and mysticism should be recognised as a reality (Boyce-Tillman 2000, p8). It should be about time that Iranians –who are usually a generation or two behind the westerners with regards to accepting new ideas-, also begin to heal such rifts between various schools of thought. Please, see ISWK in Ch.II.P.1b –Strategies- and also Ch.III.0 –3MCJ- with regards to mysticism, spirituality, and below; the concept of God.
Spirituality: As I understand the spirituality at this moment of time, it is a subjective and situational aspect of the SOMI which could be experienced when my cognitive process of the Mind assesses a certain situation in which the entire or a section of my prime arena of Identity, Body, gives way or slows its drive to secure and achieve a desirable phenomenon which is regarded to be of a higher arena. This process would take place according to my free will which although may be influenced by a set of a culturally accepted principle of mine, it is not subject to an external vigour. In other words, my Mind would project, so called; the Spirituality on the SOMI at a price of my primary needs.
O God My God: At this point, as the term, God is repeated 57 times in my thesis, I think it is appropriate to express my understanding of the concept of God. As a child of four or five, I used to envisage God as a piece of cloud, having a head and a face like the one of my father, hovering above me wherever I went. Later, hesitantly, I tend to conform to common understanding of the concept of God –which is nearly shared between all His believers- which portrays Him as an invisible entity that very much reflects the characteristic of a superhuwo/man. That is an almighty all-knowing intelligence which assumes specific characteristics and attributes, who has created and blessed the universe and all that sail in it –an assumption which no longer I support at the time of writing these notes. My current understanding of the concept of God is based on common sense and knowledge –for I find that the most reliable ground for understanding the reality of philosophical matters (GE). The emergence of every/all physical, mineral, conceptual, mental, cultural and emotional phenomena, etc. which happen to Being/BeComing –whether due to evolution or any other scheme- are subject to the paradigms of the potentials which are already in attendance within the universe. In other words, nothing could emerge within the entire cosmos unless the suited possibilities have already catered for and the environment is tuned and equipped to support its Being/Becoming and its development.
Artwork 222: An InterPictorial artwork -PMILPDP- (Farid 2017) on Creation of Adam, detail of the ceiling of Medici Chapel by Michael Angelo (Copplestone 2002, p.52)
I, as an entity and a beholder of the reality of a Being/Becoming alongside other known and unknown phenomena within the cosmos where we all are, can now convincingly trust and proclaim that this universe is pregnant with such a great and miraculous potential –in all micro and macro scales- which could be referred to as a God. However, with my current degree of understanding and awareness, I fail to attribute an incentive character with a collective intelligence and a sense of awareness of Him –to this potent universe. However, I cannot deny the existence of some fragmented category of intelligence and character within it, e.g. the one of huwo/man.
Artwork 223: O God My God (Farid 2015)
Furthermore, it appears to me that the tapestry of all existing phenomena –actual or potential- are embedded/fitted tight in this cosmos like the various pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle, continuingly responding to one intention only; Being/Becoming. That is a chaotic orderly intention which is run through time and space according to the law of cause and effect and the general strategy of the DP within this chaos. I said; a chaotic orderly intention, because I believe that chaos could easily assume and express the appearance of an elusive and illusionary order which provides us with a sense of security/pleasure/comfort. The chaos which is disguised as an order can then generate the confidence of knowing and being able to assess our position –identity- within the cosmos. An elusive and illusionary order could be the by-product of two elements; a- The recurrence of an event b- The return of an object/entity/phenomenon to its previous position These two elements are often implanted in the arts and particularly in music to please the onlooker/listener in the form of rhythm, e.g. drumming, or returning to the tonic chord at the end of a piece, which brings us safely back home after an exciting voyage into the unknown. Visually, a reflection –mirror image or symmetric view- of any chaotic order could efficiently provide the impression of an order, e.g. the unintentional but illusively orderly images seen in a kaleidoscope which is the result of multi mirroring any set of random arrangements.
Once Again, Looking Back at the Installation Space: In the centre of the installation, there is a long wooden box with a calligraphy design of mine –O Glory of the Most Glorious which refers to the Greatest Name of God per the Bahá’í faith- placed on it – pictured below. This box represents my coffin to be, and the items which are kept in it indicate my unfulfilled wishes/plans/projects/ideas which went wrong or never had a chance to be launched or developed.
Per Artwork 3: O Glory of the Most Glorious
Photograph(s) 224: A wooden box which stands for my coffin to be is placed at the centre of Studio G (Farid 2013)
However, since then I have developed other ideas as to how my coffin should be covered and looked. At this point, I am considering an original Iranian flag to be spread over the coffin. The original Iranian flag includes three equal size strips of green, white and red with a motif of a lion, holding a sword, standing in front of the sun – the Revolutionary Islamic Government changed the original Iranian flag and its motif in 1979. For my use, however, I would like to replace the sword with a pen; suggesting the idea of resolving conflicts with a dialogue as opposed to the use of a physical force. That is an idea which goes along with the very first teaching of Baha’u’llah reforming the Islamic law which justifies the use of the weapons. Please, see the below artwork.
Photograph 225: The wooden box which stands for my coffin to be is covered by the original Iranian flag (Farid 2013)
(L) Tablet and (R) Artwork 226: (L) The Lion on the left shows the motif of the original Iranian flag, (Farrokh 2009) (R) The one on the right is my design for personal use (Farid 2017)
I shall replace this box with an actual coffin in due time. I might even make one myself as due to some regulation; it is difficult to buy one from the undertakers while I am still alive. My engagement with a coffin and even wanting to have my funeral while I am alive –as performance art- is perhaps due to some experience and events. Various Bahá’í cemeteries have been destroyed many times over since 1979 –my parents’ graves included- and a Bahá’í youth who made a documentary on that theme was arrested and imprisoned. When my grandmother died, the Bahá’ís did not have access to a cemetery. Hence, her corpus was buried by my aunt and uncle under a tree in their garden. These days when I pass a cemetery, this thought crosses my mind that if one day I go home, I shall not even be able to find the graves of my close relatives. As a result, I have assumed a kind of ironic attitude towards funeral services, burial, cemeteries, and The Last Officers, which I performed the latter several times as a nurse.
Photograph 227: A picture of a destroyed Bahá’í graveyard in Iran. Baha’i World News Service (2012) Even in death Iranian Baha’is face persecution.
Cartoon 228: on the theme of destroying the Baha’i cemeteries in Iran (Neyestani 2014)
The Last Verses: I can identify with the next verse, because I think, as a general pattern, I often look for things where they do not exist, hoping that if I look hard enough, I might find them. That matter reminds me of a story which is attributed to Molla Nasreddin. Molla is one of the most celebrated personalities in Persian folklore who appears in thousands of stories, always witty, sometimes wise, even philosophic, sometimes the instigator of practical jokes on others and often a fool or the butt of a joke (Encyclopaedia Irancia 2018). One day Molla was seen looking for something in his backyard. He was asked; what are you looking for? Molla replied; for a needle which I lost in the room. He was asked again; if you have lost your needle in the room why you are searching it in the backyard. Molla replied; because it is too dark inside
Per Artwork 193: XXIV -No fisherman would ever find a pearl
in a narrow stream that leads to a shallow lake. In his talk, Fereydoun points out to Forough’s ambitions which are raised after meeting with her authentic-self and points out her awareness which makes her leave the narrow streams for an ocean, a notion which is again funded in The Seven Valleys. “O Brother! Not every sea hath pearls; not every branch will flower, nor will the nightingale sing thereon. Then, ere the nightingale of the mystic paradise repair to the garden of God, and the rays of the heavenly morning return to the Sun of Truth—make thou an effort, that haply in this dustheap of the mortal world thou mayest catch a fragrance from the everlasting garden and live forever in the shadow of the peoples of this city. And when thou hast attained this highest station and come to this mightiest plane, then shalt thou gaze on the Beloved, and forget all else.” (Bahá’u’lláh 1986, p.16) Hence, she leaves the narrow stream of her comfort zone for an ocean in which she can express herself using the medium of
poetry. In this very last scene of her poem Forough talks about her rebirth -Another Birth- which not happens only once, but for eternity –a … a fairy who dies at night … and … is born yet again … at dawn. A scene which I think is the apex of Forough’s journey. A journey which begins with her body passes through the stages of the mind and now approaches the realm of spirituality, where the closure of every chapter becomes the opening of a new one. In another word, Forough’s stream of identity –SOMI- begins to express itself freely –playing her heart- as her cognitive process of her Mind assesses a certain situation in which the entire or a section of her prime arena of Identity –Body; a narrow streamgives way or slows down to secure and achieve a desirable phenomenon which is regarded to be of a higher arena –living in an ocean. (Please, see Ch.III.0 –3MCJ- with regards to Spirituality) Reading between the lines of this poem and The Seven Valley which is a well-known example of the mystical expression could show how the same notion could be expressed in various formats and languages which despite their common point of reference they appear so different which, as said earlier, could become a matter of disagreement. “Now hast thou abandoned the drop of life –a narrow stream- and come to the sea of the Life-Bestower –an ocean. This is the goal thou didst ask for; if it be God’s will, thou wilt gain it.” (Bahá’u’lláh 1986, p.16 – Farrokhzad 1992, p.394)
“… the lover escapes from the claws of the eagle of love, he will enter The Valley of Knowledge and come out of doubt into certitude and turn from the darkness of illusion to the guiding light of the fear of God. His inner eyes will open, and he will privily converse with his Beloved; he will set ajar the gate of truth and piety and shut the doors of vain imaginings. He in this station is content with the decree of God, and seeth war as peace, and findeth in death the secrets of everlasting life –a small and sad fairy who dies at night with a kiss and she is born yet again with another at dawn- With inward and outward eyes, he witnesseth the mysteries of resurrection in the realms of creation and the souls of men, and with a pure heart apprehendeth the divine wisdom in the endless Manifestations of God. In the ocean he findeth a drop, in a drop he beholdeth the secrets of the sea.” (Bahá’u’lláh 1986, p.6 – Farrokhzad 1992, p.394)
Per Artwork 195: XXV - I know of a small and sad fairy who lives in an ocean, playing her heart out through a bamboo flute, softly… softly… A small and sad fairy who dies at night with a kiss and she is born yet again with another at dawn.
and that is where Forough leaves me behind...
