A great saying runs like this ‘without change there is no possibility of real growth in human beings’. Every one of us look and expect from our own perspective that others must change in their dealings and relationships and not the individual. Only very few individual think that unless I transform, change myself the real transformation is not possible. Especially looking into our human life we often think that by the mere fact of some job or getting the monthly salary etc one feels that one has attained the highest level of growth and maturity in one’s own behavior and attitude. When we speak of growth, it has to be understood as a process and not a static one. Everything will change except ‘the change’ itself. Moreover, some psychologist would call ‘human becoming’ than human being which involves that the life on earth is a process and everyday one must look for better living and seek to grow in a matured human way possible. This inward journey would really help me to unfold and see myself as priest how far I have attained the growth and the maturity in relating with me and with others in an affective and in a matured way. The life must be really canalized based on the kingdom principles and values. Then only the goal of our life will be obtained as willed by Jesus the master. Therefore, I have chosen this topic “self-transformation for priests an urgent need”. As the pastor and the care taker of the souls unless one has the personal transformation, it is not so easy to deal and to relate with others. In this short paper I want to highlight especially in the significance and definition of selftransformation; the false self which plays the major role and block the individual not to be an authentic person; and transformational journey would help and support to transform in the life.

SIGNIFICANCE OF SELF TRANSFORMATION In the modern world we see and look for in every field experts and well qualified personals for the better performance.

The main purpose is that the

commodities and the products will be produced and sold very much. In the same way when we look into the priestly life too we have many priests with doctorates in several fields. Often looking into the different activities of the life is not that much on the level of transformed levels. Now the need of the hour is for the authentic spiritual leaders in the midst of a growing universal culture marked by consumerism, individualism and careerism. Transformation is metamorphosis. The term ‘metamorphosis’ is a Greek term which means ‘change of physical form or structure’. According to Joseph Hart the person who transforms his life emerges from a cocoon of non-feeling and partial feeling whereas when a person shifts from one way of living in the world to another based upon the way he feels inside himself. In addition, self-transformation is a process that increases personal exstropy, which is the turning inside, is a measure of a system's intelligence, information content, available energy, longevity, vitality, diversity, complexity, and capacity for growth. Definition and Meaning The word transformation is a combination of ‘trans’ ‘form’ and ‘ation’. ‘Trans’ signifies beyond, above or over. ‘Form’ signifies the external identity, solid structure, a picture or a map. ‘Ation’ is action or result. When these three words are combined together we obtain the word transformation. Therefore the literal meaning of the word transformation is ‘going beyond your form through action or through a result’(Sequeira,2002).

Self-transformation is a virtue because it promotes our survival, our efficacy, and our well-being. As a dynamic process of self-overcoming, an internally generated drive to grow and thrive, it is the very essence and highest expression of life. However, formation and transformation are linked. The formation in fact is the prolongation of the transformation. The best expression to these two associated words is found in the letter to the Romans: “Do not conform you to the standard of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect” (Rom 12.12). Call and Life Our life is a purely gratuitous gift of God. It is basically an internal grace by which God unites himself to the man whom he consecrates to himself and calls to carry out his duties in the world. Moreover, happiness and fulfillment are blessings that come from surrender to the loving will of God. Our call is to become that self and then to serve God and fellow human beings in the particular ways that will represent the fulfillment of that self. Our fulfillment lies in the death of our own agendas of fulfillment. It also lies in the crucifixion of all our ego-centered ways of living apart from complete surrender to God. When we give priorities to the kingdom values and attitudes then there will be real joy and happiness in our ministry. Otherwise when we begin to show our own achievements and monuments then Christ will not be focused in our ministry. Self-knowledge Understanding the interdependence of knowing self and God has held a lasting and respected place in Christianity. There is no deep knowledge of God without the deep knowing of self and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing God.

Christian spirituality involves a transformation of the self that occurs only when God and the self are both deeply known. 1. Self-awareness Self-awareness is not a state of mind which can be reached once and for all without further effort. It is a continuing process which has its aim the growth of consciousness. It is not to be confused with the purely intellectual faculty but it is rather an inner awareness an inner knowing of the self 2. Self-acceptance Self-acceptance keeps us from truth and joy. If we do not accept ourselves as we are and tend to assault ourselves with unrealistic expectations, we are deprived of the most important thing in our lives. If we accept, we become free and live life to its fullest with joy and happiness. Although it is part of our nature to compare ourselves with others, it is unfair to label ourselves. Each person is significant simply because each of us alive. One may be less or more significant than others on the scale by which the world measures importance. None of us is born with the feeling of unworthiness. These sorts of feelings are acquired in the course of development from childhood to adulthood. All learned behavior can be unlearned. If I have been conditioned to feel unworthy I can be conditioned to accept my full humanity and know its full value. Strong sense of people is able to relate with people effectively. The perception of success is viewed in terms of interpersonal relationships and will be generous. By ignoring of our self-esteem one dies a slow emotional death and will cease to have courage and determination in life. Self-acceptance always proceeds genuine selfsurrender and self-transformation.

Lack of Self Transformation In the life, we often feel that we like to have knowledge on God which will not really help us to know God. On the contrary we may have information on God. This attitude will not help any person to acknowledge the power of God in one’s own life as well will not help to understand the individual self too. This will not support any one to accept and to surrender oneself to the will of God and to transform oneself. 1. False Self The individual clings tenaciously to the ideal self and is consequently held by the fetters of how he or she should act and not how he or she honestly wants to act. The individual self also prevents the development of self-confidence for the individual gains sense of security only in being accepted by others. The problem is that there are important aspects of our experience that we ignore. Many of us as priests and religious refuse to face our feelings and shame. They make us feel too vulnerable. So we pretend they do not exist and hope they will go away. They simply go into hiding. 2. Fixated Ideas However, the physiological needs are not met in a reasonable way in the life of a priest one cannot jump to esteem needs. That is why we see sometimes a fifty year old priest lives like a teenage to satisfy his needs. This phenomenon is depicted as fixation and stagnation. If the priest realizes in his life this fixation and then transforms himself by integrating the needs then his ministry will be a successful one.

UNMASKING THE FALSE SELF Our false self is built on the attachment to an image of our self that we think makes us special. The problem is the attachment, not having qualities that make us unique. Richard Rohr suggests that the basic question we must ask is whether we are prepared to be other than our image of our self. If not we will live in bondage to our false self.

The nature of our false self is the pattern of our

compulsions. Everyone tends to be compulsive about something and for most of us it is what we think we most need. One person may compulsively pursue success or esteem while another may invest the same energy in avoiding pain or emotional unpleasantness. 1. Battle with the False Self Few things are more difficult to discern and dismantle than our most cherished illusions. And none of our illusions are harder to identify than those that lie at the heart of our false self. The false self is like the air we breathe. We have become so accustomed to its presence that we are no longer aware of it. It is as elusive as the wind, seeming to disappear when the light of attention is shined in its direction. The only hope for unmasking the falsity that resides at the core of our being is a radical encounter with truth. Nothing other than truth is strong enough to dispel illusion. Every individual has a real self and an ideal self. Which of the two a person decides to accept will determine the kind of personality he or she will develop? According to Karen Horney the real self is ‘that central inner force, common to all human beings and yet unique in each, which is the deep source of growth’. The real self includes the innate gifts, potentials and limitation of the person. It also comprises of feelings, capacity to express them, will power and the

ability to make decisions and relate to others. This is not static rather goes through the process of change, a course of evolution as growth takes place in the individual. 2. Wrong Motivation Right motivation supports us in our lives to encourage and to inspire. It is powerful, it can persuade, convince and propel into action. Therefore it is the driving force in our lives. The greatest enemy of motivation is complacency, which leads to lack of effort, and when people are complacent they do not grow because they cannot identify what is needed in their lives. Wrong motivation will naturally bring down the self-image and self-esteem of the person then he/ she will not contribute and collaborate for the better results and achievements. 3. Emotional Maturity Emotionally dependent persons tend to habitually suppress their feelings. They hunger for acceptance and love that they dare not express any negative feelings for fear of rejection. However, such prolonged emotional suppression results in explosive outbursts that hinder the development of an integrated personality. The main aspect of the self ‘emotional self’ which is a unique quality of human beings may not be in focus anywhere.

Among men this may be an

unaddressed issue all the more. Most of the priests and religious do feel that these issues were not dealt sufficiently or adequately during the formation. It is in looking into the different opportunity one has to enhance the emotional maturity. Lack of affective maturity strains the relationships in the presbyteries and religious communities. The dominating priests and nuns do not look after their fellow

companions well. Tensions do brew up and ill feelings are bottled up for untimely explosions. 4. Coming out of the Mask Affirming of the self is the acknowledgement and the appreciation of one’s real self. Perception of reality is relative with regard to an individual’s being. A perception of self could be accurate or inaccurate. Self-hate as well as self-rejection can affect the perception of reality, exaggerating, distorting and misinterpreting it. A person who has rejected the self perceives other people as rejecting. An individual who has never developed trust or loyalty to the self will be suspicious of others and incapable of loyalty. Affirming the self implies listening to the self the joy and the intensity of pain. Such interior communion enables the person to choose the appropriate means by which to express feelings in a mature and constructive manner. Common sense and good judgment are necessary for an individual to decide when and how to express emotions appropriately. As we journey through life, we are sooner or later confronted with the phenomenon of individual freedom. We are equally free to allow past negative and traumatic experiences to cripple our personalities and to seek the necessary help to bring about growth and healing. The self is the core of the being and the center of our personality. Through the self, the individual becomes aware of his or her uniqueness, identity, and worth. The self formulates the values of the person and shapes his or her attitudes toward life. Since the self is the organizational center of the personality it determines and regulates the behavior patterns of the person.

When so determining and regulating, the self is free to choose the constructive or destructive manner of responding to people and situations. The self innately desires integration and the direction toward goals and fulfillment. The self-strives for actualization. F.C. Thorne considers the primary motive in life to be self enhancement on all levels of integration. TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY From birth to death as human beings we go through many physical changes. Genuinely transformational knowing of self always involves encountering and embracing reality of the self. Self-transformation is essential and an urgent need of the time for priests and religious today. Majority of the ministry we undertake we tend to work for our own name and fame. We often wrongly focus ourselves and keep away Jesus from us. On the contrary the total life and ministry must be focused centered on Christ and his values. 1. Identity in God We do not find our true self by seeking it, rather we find it by seeking God. In finding God we find our truest and deepest self. The anthropological question that is “who am I” and the theological question, “who is God” are fundamentally inseparable. It is by losing our self in God that we discover our true identity. There is no real life apart from relationship of God. Any identity that exists apart from this relationship is an illusion. No one is born with an identity and Jesus was no exception. Even Jesus had to find his way, his self what do we know about how he did so. Identity always gives direction to how we live our life. The discovery of our true self does not simply produce freedom but also it generates our vocation and call that we have received from God.

2. Uniqueness of Life Emphasizing the kingdom value in knowing my calling, I have come to understand and even more basic place in which God’s will for me has been communicated. My temperament, my personality, my abilities and my interests and passions all say something about who I was called to be, not simply who I am. If I really believe that I was created by God and invited to find my place in his kingdom. I have to take seriously what God had already revealed about who I am. My life is not simply to be a lecturer, principal, social worker etc.., it is call to be a servant in the kingdom of Jesus. But the way I am to do that is grounded in the self that god created. And that self has directed me toward the understanding and promotion of the wellbeing of the inner life of persons. God calls people to a cause not born of their own abilities or most superficial desires. But his call is always absolutely congruent with our destiny, our truest self, our identity and the shape of our being. God’s will for us is that we live out the harmonious expression of our gifts, temperament, passions and vocation in truthful dependence on God. Nothing less than this is worthy of being called our true self. Nothing less than this will lead to our deepest fulfillment. And nothing less than this will allow us to show the face of Christ to the world that we have been called from eternity to show. 3. Challenge of Authenticity At some point in childhood we all make the powerful discovery that we can manipulate the truth about ourselves. Initially it often takes the form of a simple lie but frequently a denial of having done something. But more importance to the development of the false self is the discovery that our ability to hide is not limited to what we say or don’t say. We learn to pretend. We discover the art of packaging our self. We learn that even if we feel afraid, we can appear to be brave. We also

learn to hate with apparent love, anger with apparent calm, and indifference with apparent sympathy. In short we learn how to present our self in the best possible light. Few things are more difficult to discern and dismantle that our most cherished illusions. And none of our illusions are harder to identify than those that lie at the heart of our false self. The only hope for unmasking the falsity that resides at the core of our being is a radical encounter with truth. Nothing other than truth is strong enough to dispel illusion. 4. Attitudinal Transformation Life formation should be pursued and perfected even after the seminary course of studies has been completed. According to Pope John Paul II the proper foundation and original motivation for ongoing formation is contained in the dynamism of the sacrament of holy orders. In the Apostolic Exhortation Pastores Dabo Vobis the Pope puts it “every life is a constant path towards maturity a maturity which cannot be attained except by constant formation. It is also demanded by the priestly ministry seen in a general way and taken in common with other professions. The ongoing formation will help the priests to acquire a better grasp of pastoral methods and theological science to strengthen their spiritual lives, and to share their apostolic experiences with their brothers. 5. Behavioral Transformation One must be fully transformed person then only there will be real joy and happiness in his everyday ministry. Just for this there is the long process of formation is there which would really help oneself for transformation. The whole person is to be transformed so that he may become and acquire a personality that is effective for the task assigned to him.

This transformative process goes on

unceasingly perfecting the clergy at the different levels of their existence and

functioning through encounter with the grace of God. Truly transformational knowledge is always personal and never merely objective and it is always relational. It grows out of a relationship to the object that is known. Personal knowing is based on experience it requires that we be open to the experience. Knowing God’s love demands that we receive God’s love experientially not simply as a theory but from experience. The Christian spiritual journey is unlike any other journey. Christ’s call to follow him is a call not simply to obedience but to a relationship in which he leads us to the source of all life. Nowhere is the uniqueness of the Christian spiritual journey more apparent than in the Christian understanding of the self and its relation to God. The self is not God, but it is the place where we meet God. There can be no genuine spiritual transformation if we seek some external meeting place. God’s intended home is our heart and it is meeting god in our depths that transforms us from the inside out. The self is very important in the transformational journey and it must be encountered and not bypassed. In fact it must be embraced and deeply known. Knowledge of the self, which is involved in spirituality of knowing the self in relation to God. Our life also we have taken willingly for the good of the Church and for the glory of God. There is the freedom of choice within us to which we have opted for. Moreover, it is Jesus who has called each and every one of us to carry out his mission. Hence, our ministry must be focused to bring out the values and the behaviors of Jesus, the master. This will come when we begin our priestly ministry centered on Christ than anything else. The prime agent of our life and mission is the Holy Spirit who will really transform us to be the real ministers in the Church and for Christ. Provided the same lord expects from us the deep down of our hearts to

keep open and to surrender ourselves so that the lord may really grant us the necessary grace to be fully transformed in our mission. BIBLIOGRAPHY Agudo, P., Affirming the Human and the Holy, Affirmation Books, Massachusetts, 1979. Bakken, K.L., The Call to Wholeness, The Crossroad Publishing Company, New York, 1987. Balseker, R.S., The Only Way to Live, Yogi Impressions, Mumbai, 2006. Benner, D.G., The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self Discovery, St.Paul’s Press, Mumbai, 2007. Durckheim, K.G., The Way of Transformation, George Allen & Unwin, London, 1985. Haase, A., Coming Home to Your True Self, St. Paul’s Publication, Mumbai, 2009 Kalellis, P.M., Restoring Your Self, Better Yourself Books, Mumbai, 2003. O’Shaughness, M.M., Feelings and Emotions in Christian Living, Alba House, New York, 1988. Puthiaparambil, D., Positive Attitudes for Life, St. Paul’s Publications, Mumbai, 2007. Vineeth, V.F., Self and Salvation in Hinduism and Christianity, Intercultural Publications, New Delhi, 1997.

Articles Pinto, L., “Psychospiritual Approach to Diocesan Spirituality”, Asian Journal of Vocation and Formation, Vol 25, July-Dec 2001. Saldanha, W., “Ongoing Formation for Priests and Religious- An Urgent Need”, Asian Journal of Vocation and Formation, Vol 33, Jan-June 2008.. Theikanath, J., “The Role of the Formators, Religious and the Priests for this Third Millennium”, Asian Journal of Vocation and Formation, Vol 25, July-Dec 2001.