Out of Whack In this issue, we enjoy a guest poem submission.–Charles M.Vance
The Professor of Management*
Journal of Management Inquiry 19(2) 190–191 © The Author(s) 2010 Reprints and permission: sagepub.com/journalsPermissions.nav DOI: 10.1177/1056492610370008 http://jmi.sagepub.com
Kerr Inkson When I was young, ambitious and cool, I enroll’d myself at a business school. I studied HRM and strategy, And organization theory. AND ORGANIZATION THEORY. I theorized with such intent, That now I am Professor of Management! HE THEORIZED WITH SUCH INTENT, THAT NOW HE IS PROFESSOR OF MANAGEMENT! I next embarked on a PhD, On the B-School Dean’s favorite theory. For two long years I did nothing but strive, To prove it was significant at point oh five. HE PROVED IT WAS SIGNIFICANT AT POINT OH FIVE. So many regressions were signifa-kent, That they gave me a doctorate in management! SO MANY REGRESSIONS WERE SIGNIFA-KENT, THAT THEY GAVE HIM A DOCTORATE IN MANAGEMENT! As a new academic I set a clip, Writing abstract theories of leadership. Linking boxes and arrows great models I drew, And I published in the AMJ and ASQ. AND HE PUBLISHED IN THE AMJ AND ASQ. My research was so irrela-vent, That they made me an associate prof of management. HIS RESEARCH WAS SO IRRELA-VENT, THAT THEY MADE HIM AN ASSOCIATE PROF OF MANAGEMENT. I presented my work at the Academy, At HR, BPS, and OMT. With professors great I had cheese and wine And I loved their papers, and they liked mine! AND HE LOVED THEIR PAPERS, AND HIS WERE FINE! I flattered these professors to such extent That they gave me my tenure in management. HE FLATTERED THESE PROFESSORS TO SUCH EXTENT, THAT THEY GAVE HIM HIS TENURE IN MANAGEMENT. When managers ask me for guidance true, I tell them, “Do as I say, not as I do!” I wrote a little book called The Excellence Way; All the companies I wrote about collapsed next day! ALL THE COMPANIES HE WROTE ABOUT COLLAPSED NEXT DAY! *Note: Sung to the Tune “The Ruler of the Queen’s Navy” from HMS Pinafore by Gilbert & Sullivan; for the music reference, check the title out on YouTube.com. The chorus is represented in capitals. Downloaded from http://jmi.sagepub.com at ANADOLU UNIV on May 26, 2010
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Kerr Inkson So utterly broke these companies went, That they made me full professor of management! SO UTTERLY BROKE THESE COMPANIES WENT, THAT THEY MADE HIM FULL PROFESSOR OF MANAGEMENT! So all you young PhDs, wherever you may be, If you want to get to the top of the tree, To research and theory heed the call, But never manage anything yourself at all! NO, NEVER MANAGE ANYTHING YOURSELF AT ALL! And if managing nothing, your lives are spent, Then you all may be professors of management! YES, IF MANAGING NOTHING, YOUR LIVES ARE SPENT, THEN YOU ALL MAY BE PROFESSORS OF MANAGEMENT!
Downloaded from http://jmi.sagepub.com at ANADOLU UNIV on May 26, 2010
