THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR

Written by: Candida Fletcher

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Things Aren't Always As They Appear Characters Outlaws: Dead-Eye Jud (DEJ) & Ricky the Kid (RTK) Sheriff Mother Grandmother Kids – Betsy, Willy, Regina, Molly, Teddy, & Annie

SCENE 1 (Betsy, Molly, Regina, and Annie are playing school together.) Betsy: (acting as schoolteacher with ruler/pointer in hand) Now, class, it's time to write out your spelling words for the week. Remember, you're going to be tested on these tomorrow. Regina, Molly, & Annie: Yes, ma’am! (They each grab paper or notebooks and start writing.) (Suddenly, Willy and Teddy rush into the room with handkerchiefs on their faces and waving toy guns.) Willy: (in a big, tough voice) Stay where ya are! I’m Dead-Eye Jud! Teddy: And I’m Ricky the Kid! Do as yer told, and no one'll git hurt! (The girls jump and one of them screams when the boys burst in, but they quickly recover, roll their eyes, and look otherwise unimpressed.) Betsy: Not again! Willy and Teddy, don’t you ever get tired of playing Ricky the Kid and Dead-Eye Jud? Willy: No! Don’t you ever get tired of playing dolls? Regina: We're not playing dolls. We’re playing school! Teddy: Aw, that’s the dumbest game I ever heard of. It’s summer vacation! Willy: Yeah, like we don’t get enough school the rest of the year. Molly: Well, it’s not as dumb as running around and pretending to be outlaws. Teddy: What’s so dumb about that? It's fun and adventurous. Not like sittin' inside and actin' all prissy. Annie: Criminals are BAD, Teddy! Betsy: Besides, Ricky the Kid and Dead-Eye Jud are in jail. Remember? Why aren’t you pretending that, huh? Willy: Aw, girls don’t know nothin'. Betsy: (grinning mischievously) Come to think of it, I heard they’ve changed their names now. Teddy: What?

3 Betsy: Yeah, to Deadbolt Jud and Ricky the Jailbird! (Girls all laugh, and boys scowl.) Willy: Let’s git outa here, pard, and go find some real action. Teddy: Yeah, these Miss Goody-Two-Shoes are no fun. (Boys leave quickly.) Girls: (call after them) Deadbolt Jud and Ricky the Jailbird! (laughing) Molly: That was a good one, Betsy! Betsy: I know! (Looks pleased with herself, and then remembers her schoolteacher role.) Okay, class, now let’s get those spelling lists written. And be sure to use your best penmanship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCENE 2 (The scene opens at home with Mother reading her Bible, Grandmother knitting, four of the kids playing a game, and two girls reading a book together.) Annie: Momma, when's Daddy going to be home? Mother: He should be back by Saturday, Annie. Molly: Saturday! That’s three whole days away! Mother: Yes, I know (sighs), but it can’t be helped. Your Uncle Richard needs help rebuilding his barn, and he doesn’t live right down the road, Molly. It’s a good half day’s ride. Grandmother: (looking up suddenly) Eh? Who died? Mother: (speaking up so grandmother can hear) Oh, no, no one died, Grandma. I said it’s a good half day’s ride... to Uncle Richard’s. Grandmother: Ah.... Yes, so it is. I don’t know what ever possessed Richard to move that far away. Itchy feet, I guess. Teddy: That’s not very far! Grandmother: It isn’t? Willy: No, Dead-Eye Jud and Ricky the Kid travel a whole lot farther than that every single day! Betsy: (sarcastically) Not right now they don’t (smirking at Willy, who pretends not to hear). Grandmother: What? Who ever heard of parents letting their children run all over creation like that? Willy: Oh, they’re not kids, Grandma! They're grownups. Grandmother: I thought you said they were kids -- or one of them anyway.

4 Teddy: No, that’s just what he calls himself -- Ricky the Kid. Grandmother: Well, what's a grown man calling himself a kid for? Willy: I... don't... know... But it's a really cool name, isn't it!? (Teddy nods his head in agreement.) Grandmother: Well, all I know is a man used to be insulted if someone called him a kid. Now they go around calling themselves kids? They sure don’t make them like they used to. Mother: These two men are outlaws, Grandma. And, boys, I don’t like the way you’re talking about them. It sounds to me as if you admire them. Remember, they’re criminals, who have no regard for either man's law or God's. They're certainly not the kind of men you should admire. Teddy: But... they’re brave and strong! Willy: And they have all kinds of adventures! Teddy: Don’t you want us to be brave and strong? Mother: Of course, I do. But brave to do what is good and right, and strong to serve the Lord and your fellow man. There’s no honor in going around doing wrong things that hurt others. Is there? Boys: (sullenly) No, ma’am. Mother: And I don’t want to hear you boys praising up Dead-Eye Jud and Ricky the Kid, you hear? Boys: (sigh) Yes, ma’am. Annie: Daddy’s brave and strong, isn’t he? Regina: Of course he is! He’s stronger and braver than anyone! Mother: Your father’s a good example of someone who uses his bravery and strength to help others. Willy: Yeah, but building a silly old barn ain't much fun. Mother: "Isn't" much fun, Willy. And that depends upon your attitude. Your father enjoys helping others, even when it means a lot of hard work. Besides, I highly doubt if a bandit’s life is quite as "fun" as you imagine it to be, boys. Willy & Teddy: Yes, ma'am. (Everyone goes back to their activities for a few seconds. Soon there’s a knock on the door.) Willy: I’ll get it! (He jumps up, runs out of the room, and comes back with the Sheriff.) Mom, it’s the sheriff! Sheriff: Howdy, folks! Mother: Good evening, Sheriff! Sheriff: Sorry to bother you so late, ma’am, but... uh... is Bill here?

5 Mother: No, he’s gone to help his brother for a few days. Is anything wrong? Sheriff: (hems and haws) Um... well... there’s a little bit of trouble. Now I don’t want to worry you none... although you should probably know... especially as your husband’s gone... well... Grandmother: You might as well just out and say it, Sheriff. Bad news never gets any better with keeping. Sheriff: You’re right, ma’am. You see, I got a telegraph this afternoon from the sheriff up in Dodge City. Now, I'm sure we don't have anything to worry about, but it seems that Dead-Eye Jud and Ricky the Kid escaped from prison last night. (Everyone looks surprised/gasps/etc.) Sheriff: They trailed the outlaws quite a few miles before they lost their tracks at the river. They may be headed this way. Mother: Oh dear! Sheriff: Well, like I said, I don’t think there’s any need to worry. They’re probably just coming back for that gold they stole right before I arrested them. I sure would like to know where they hid it so we could return it to the folks they stole it from. Well, I’m just letting you know so you can be on the lookout. If you do see anything suspicious, I’d appreciate your letting me know. Mother: Of course, Sheriff. Sheriff: You too, kids. Kids: Yes, sir! Sheriff: Well, I’ve got to spread the word to the rest of the town. Good night! Mother: Good night. (Everyone goes back to their activities.) Grandmother: (shaking her head to herself) Hmph! Mother: What is it, Grandma? Grandmother: I just don't understand it. Why on earth would a full grown man call himself a kid? They sure don’t make them like they used to. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCENE 3 (Dead-Eye Jud and Ricky the Kid are "in the woods." Ricky the Kid is brushing out their tracks, while Dead-Eye Jud is trying to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together.) RTK: (shivering) You ain’t got that fire started yet? DEJ: No! Ya want to try it yerself?

6 RTK: No, but I wish ya’d hurry up. I’m freezin'. DEJ: Well, if ya hadn’t fallen off that log crossin' the river, ya wouldn’t be so cold. RTK: It’s not my fault! It was dark and slippery and . . . DEJ: Oh, hush up and go git some dry wood. That’ll warm ya up. RTK: (sighs) Ok...kk...kkayy... (shivers). But ya'd better have that fire goin' when I git back. DEJ: Jest git goin’! (Ricky the Kid leaves and Dead-Eye Jud rubs the sticks together for a few seconds, then stops, scratches his head, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a couple of matches. He glances over his shoulder to make sure Ricky the Kid can’t see him and then lights the fire. Ricky the Kid soon reappears with an armload of wood.) RTK: Wow, ya did it! Ya really did it! DEJ: I said I would, didn’t I? RTK: (setting down wood) Well yeah, and I was hopin' ya could, but it didn’t look none too promisin' when I... Hey! What’s this? (picking up the stub of the match) DEJ: What? (trying to act innocent) RTK: Ya used a match! DEJ: So? RTK: So, no wonder ya got the fire goin'! Where in the world did ya git a match? DEJ: Oh, a guard jest happened to drop a couple outside our cell the other day, and I grabbed ‘em. I forgot all about 'em til jest a minute ago. RTK: Well, come on, let’s build up this here fire before I freeze to death! (starts piling wood on) DEJ: Stop! What're ya doin'? (yanks the wood back off) RTK: What do ya mean what am I doin'? What're YOU doin'? DEJ: Ya wanna go back to prison? RTK: What?! Of course not! DEJ: Then we gotta keep the fire small, or else someone'll see it! RTK: But, Jud! I’m freezin'! DEJ: Oh, don’t be such a baby. RTK: I’m not. I jest didn’t escape from that there jail cell to come out here and die of hypochondria. DEJ: I think ya mean hypothermia, Ricky.

7 RTK: Whatever! I'm jest too young to die. DEJ: Yer not gonna die of hypothermia in the middle of the summer. Now settle down so we can git some sleep. (Ricky the Kid huddles close to the fire while Dead-Eye Jud lies down with his back to it. Ricky the Kid shivers and leans closer and closer to the fire. Suddenly, he jumps up hollering.) RTK: Youch! Owwwwww! DEJ: (jumps up, grabs Ricky the Kid, slaps his hand over Ricky the Kid’s mouth, and looks around fearfully) What's the matter with you? Are ya tryin' to wake up the whole countryside? (He takes his hand off from Ricky the Kid’s mouth.) RTK: I burnt my finger (sticks it in his mouth). DEJ: (sighs) Good grief. One more peep outa ya (shaking his finger threateningly), and I’ll personally... RTK: Personally what? DEJ: Gag you! RTK: Hmph! DEJ: Now, go to sleep! We’ve got a big day tomorrow. (lies down again) RTK: (kneels near the fire again) Think we’ll find it? DEJ: Of course we will. Ya remember where ya hid it, right? RTK: Yeah, but someone else might've found it. DEJ: Not if ya hid it good. RTK: Oh, I did... yeah... I hid it real good! DEJ: Then we ain’t got nothin’ to worry about, do we? (Ricky the Kid nods his head and then, once he’s sure Dead-Eye Jud isn’t looking, he sneaks some more wood onto the fire and then lies down.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCENE 4 (The two boys and three oldest girls are standing together and talking secretly.) Willy: (loudly whispering) I tell ya, I saw a campfire out on Pine Hill last night! Molly: I bet it was the outlaws! Betsy: Maybe, but we should check it out first. We don’t want to send the sheriff off on a wild goose chase.

8 Regina: (looks scared) But what if it is them! Teddy: Then we’ll go for help. Hurry, before Mom finds some more chores for us to do! (They start running off. Mother and Annie come out carrying a laundry basket. When their mother sees them, she yells after them.) Mother: Hey, where are you kids going? Are your chores done? Kids: (hollering back, but not stopping) Yes, we did all our chores! We’ll be right back! Mother: Wait! Where are you... (sighs as the kids get too far away) ...going? (shakes her head) Annie: I want to go, too! (drops her side of the laundry basket and starts to follow the other kids) Mother: (grabs Annie) No, you can stay right here and help me with the laundry. Annie: (sighs sadly) Yes, ma'am. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCENE 5 (Back at the campsite, Ricky the Kid and Dead-Eye Jud are sleeping back to back. The kids are trying to sneak up, but one of them steps on a branch and it snaps. Dead-Eye Jud jumps up and tries to grab for his gun, but then realizes he doesn’t have one. He stops, looks around carefully, and listens. As the kids hide behind a rock, Ricky the Kid wakes up, stretches, and yawns loudly.) DEJ: Ssshhhhhhh! RTK: Huh, what? DEJ: I think I heard somethin'. RTK: (cocks his head and listens) I don’t hear nothin'. Ya musta been dreamin'. DEJ: Well, maybe. (He then realizes that Ricky the Kid is close beside him.) Hey! What're ya doin' over here? Git on yer own side of the fire! (He pushes Ricky the Kid away.) RTK: (tumbling over and then sitting back up) Well, the fire went out. DEJ: Oh, so ya came over here to snuggle with me, huh? RTK: Aw, don’t be so touchy. DEJ: Touchy! Ya ain’t never seen touchy! RTK: Hmph! (He pokes at the ashes while Dead-Eye Jud looks cautiously around again.) What’s fer breakfast? (Dead-Eye Jud turns and glares at him.) RTK: (raises his hands in pretend defense) Okay, okay, I jest thought ya might have some food stashed away. I mean, ya said we didn’t have no matches, but we did... so...

9 DEJ: Well, I don’t have no grub. And we won’t have none ‘til we git that there gold. Now c’mon! RTK: But I’m starvin'! DEJ: Yer such a baby. RTK: I am not! (The two outlaws walk off, and the kids come out from behind the rock.) Teddy: What are we gonna to do? Molly: We should get the sheriff. Willy: But someone needs to stay with Ricky the Kid and Dead-Eye Jud and follow them, so they don’t get away with the gold. Betsy: I'll follow the outlaws! Willy: Me too! Regina: I don’t want to follow those mean old outlaws. I'm too scared! Molly: Well, I’m not scared, but someone's got to get the sheriff. Teddy: Okay, Molly, Regina, and I will go get the sheriff while you two follow the outlaws. But don't get too close! Willy: We won't. Molly: And make sure you leave a clear trail so we can find you. Betsy: We will. Teddy: We’ll be back as soon as we can. (Molly, Regina, and Teddy run off to get the sheriff, and Willy and Betsy walk cautiously off in the direction that the outlaws went.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCENE 6 (Ricky the Kid and Dead-Eye Jud are digging a hole in the ground with their hands.) RTK: I know this is the place. DEJ: That’s what ya’ve said every time! RTK: No, no, I’m right this time. DEJ: (angrily) Ya’d better be.

10 (They dig some more and then finally stop.) DEJ: It’s not here. Ya must’ve picked the wrong spot. Again. RTK: Well, I can’t help it. These here trees all look the same! DEJ: Then why didn’t ya mark the tree ya buried the gold next to? RTK: I told ya! I did! DEJ: I know, I know, ya posted one of our “Wanted” signs on it. Well, it done must’ve blown off or somethin' cause it ain't here. Ya shoulda put a permanent mark on the tree. RTK: Huh? Like what? DEJ: Come on, Ricky, ain't ya got no brains! RTK: Course I do! Lots of 'em! DEJ: Then ya done should've carved a notch on the tree or somethin'. RTK: Hmmm, I didn’t think of that. Besides, I thought we were gonna be right back in a week or two. I didn't plan on gettin' incapacitated. DEJ: Ya mean incarcerated. RTK: Whatever! It's been nigh on two months now. How am I supposed to remember? DEJ: Can't ya remember nothin' else about the hidin' place? RTK: Ummm... Oh yes! I remember there was a.... DEJ: What?! RTK: There was a... a... a rock! DEJ: (gets up and shakes his head in disgust) Oooooh, big clue. Well, come on, pard. Let’s go find a tree with a rock near it. (They walk off, and Willy and Betsy come up and look at the hole.) Betsy: Why do you suppose they’re digging all these holes? Willy: Ha, they obviously forgot where they buried the treasure. (shaking his head in disbelief) Betsy: Well, the others should be here soon with the sheriff, don't you think? (Willy doesn't answer and appears deep in thought.) Betsy: (nudges him) Willy! Willy: Huh? Betsy: What are you thinking about?

11 Willy: I just don't get it, Betsy. Betsy: Get what? Willy: Dead-Eye Jud and Ricky the Kid. I mean, I've always thought they were so brave and smart and had such great adventures, but did you see how scared Dead-Eye Jud looked when he heard that stick break back there? (Betsy nods her head.) Willy: And really, how dumb not to remember where you hid thousands of dollars' worth of gold! Betsy: Yeah, and digging all of these holes isn’t exactly my idea of fun. Willy: They sure don’t look like they’re having fun. Betsy: Maybe Mom was right when she said being an outlaw isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Willy: Yeah, maybe. Come on, we’d better not get too far behind them. Betsy: One thing's for sure, we don’t have to worry about losing them... just follow the trail of all these empty holes they’re leaving behind. (They both laugh.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCENE 7 RTK: Oh, I give up! (sits down dejectedly) We’re never gonna find that there gold. (Dead-Eye Jud sighs and rubs his forehead.) RTK: At least they fed us in jail. DEJ: We’re not goin' back to jail! RTK: Well, what're we gonna do? I'm starvin'! DEJ: Guess we’ll jest have to go rob some more money. RTK: Again? DEJ: Well, how else are we gonna git food and clothes and horses and guns and everythin' else we need without no money? RTK: I dunno. DEJ: And next time, I hide the gold! RTK: Listen, Jud, there ain’t gonna be no next time fer me. DEJ: What?

12 RTK: I been thinkin'. DEJ: You? Think? That’ll be the day. RTK: Well, I may not have the brains you've got... DEJ: That’s fer sure. RTK: But even I can see that it don’t make no sense what we’re doin' here. We’re miserable most all the time. People are always chasin' us. We gotta run and hide or else go to jail or be hung. Half the time we’re starvin' to death, like right now. Why, there’s jest gotta be a better way to live than runnin' around makin' ourselves and everybody else miserable all the time. DEJ: Ricky, yer beginning to sound like a preacher. RTK: Well, maybe that’s what we need! DEJ: Why, you double-crossin'... (The Sheriff enters.) Sheriff: Stay where you are, Dead-Eye Jud and Ricky the Kid! Put your hands up! (The two outlaws jump up in surprise and then slowly raise their hands.) RTK: (dejectedly) We ain't armed, Sheriff. Sheriff: Well, I’m not takin' any chances. Keep ‘em up! (He handcuffs them and then hollers to the kids.) Okay, it’s safe. You kids can come out now. (Four kids come out from behind the trees.) Betsy: Hey, where’s Regina? Molly: She was too scared to come back with us, so the Sheriff told her she should probably go home and tell Mom what’s going on. DEJ: Don’t tell me we’ve done been outsmarted by a bunch o' kids! Sheriff: You sure have! These kids saw your campfire last night and snuck up on you this mornin' while you were still asleep. DEJ: I knew I heard somethin'! Sheriff: A couple of 'em trailed you while the rest came to get me. And that's quite the clear trail you left for me to follow, kids. You know, all you had to do was make sure I could see your tracks or maybe break a branch here and there. It must've taken some time to dig all those holes. Willy: Oh, we didn’t dig those holes, Sheriff! Sheriff: You didn’t? Then who did? (The outlaws look down at the ground ashamed while Betsy points to them.) Betsy: They did.

13 RTK: Yeah, well, I forgot where I hid that there gold we stoled last spring. It’s around here somewheres, but I jest can’t remember ezactly where I done put it. DEJ: Be quiet! RTK: It don't matter now. We’ll never find it -- no one will! Sheriff: Well, that’s too bad. If you'd have told me where you hid that gold, I was thinking of being a little more lenient with you. DEJ: Aw, he’s telling the truth, Sheriff. We done looked high and low fer that there gold. Willy: Didn’t you leave a mark so you could find it again or draw a map or anything? RTK: Well, I did put one of our wanted signs on the tree, but apparently that's done disappeared 'cause we ain’t found no tree with no sign nowhere. Teddy: Hey! I think I know where that tree is! Molly: You do? DEJ: How would you know? Teddy: I found a tree with one of your wanted signs on it a few weeks ago. Remember, Willy? We’ve been using the poster when we play Ricky the... (stops and looks embarrassed). Well, I mean, when we've been out playing in the woods. Willy: Oh yeah! (Mother, Grandmother, Regina, and Annie come in.) Mother: (rushing to the kids) Oh, thank the Lord you're all okay! Betsy: We’re fine, Mom! Mother: (scolding) You know I never would’ve let you come up here if I’d known what you were up to! Don’t you ever take such chances again, do you hear me? Willy: But Mom, we didn’t even know the outlaws were here until we checked it out, and then we couldn’t just let them go because the sheriff told us to tell him if we saw anything, and we didn’t want them to get away, so we... Sheriff: Okay, son, now calm down. I can vouch for them, ma'am. They were very careful. These two stayed out of sight and kept an eye on Ricky the Kid and Dead-Eye Jud, and the others came straight to me. I couldn't have caught these outlaws without your kids help, that's for sure. Grandmother: Well, everyone’s all safe and sound, so no harm done. (She marches over to the bandits.) Now, tell me, which of you two bandits calls yourself a kid? (Dead-Eye Jud points to Ricky the Kid.) Grandmother: (looks at him critically) No, they certainly don’t make them like they used to. Sheriff: So, what about the gold, boys?

14 (Willy and Teddy walk around and examine a couple of trees.) Teddy: This is the tree! (Everyone looks a little skeptical.) Sheriff: Well, go ahead and see if it’s there. (The kids all go over and start digging while the rest look on, including the two outlaws.) Kids: It’s here! It’s here! (They pull out a heavy bag and drag it to the sheriff.) Sheriff: (opens the bag) Yessirreee, you’ve found the stolen gold! Good job, kids! (He picks it up and slings it over his shoulder.) RTK: I knew it was around here somewheres. DEJ: Ya didn’t neither! RTK: Did too! DEJ: Did not! Sheriff: All right, you two, let's get you to the jail house. (He steers the two arguing outlaws away "towards town.") Willy: Mom, I’m sorry we worried you. It just seemed like it would be such an adventure. But, you were right. Those two outlaws are not what I want to be when I grow up. Teddy: Me neither. They’re not smart or brave. Willy: Ya know, Teddy, I think we should come up with a better game to play besides Ricky the Kid and Dead-Eye Jud. Mother: I’m very glad to hear it, boys. Now, let’s go home. Annie: You can play school with us! Teddy: No way! Willy: Not on your life! (Everyone walks off happily.)

~ THE END ~