Top Ten TO DO’s of Conscious Discipline® Presented by: Jenny Spencer Conscious Discipline® Certified Instructor Ignite Learning LLC www.ignitelearningllc.blogspot.com [email protected] 765-620-5988

Top Ten TO DO’s: #10 Create Predictable Patterns • The brain is pattern-seeking and survival oriented • When the pattern is found safety is enhanced • The most difficult transition is from home to school, daycare, • Create a lot of predictability in the routine, but keep it fresh with novelty • Use the MAP technique to help you teach routines • Model the expectation • Add Pictures to show children what you expect • Practice the routine to ensure competence • “The shifting of information from novel to routine is the cornerstone of learning.” ~Goldberg, 2000 #9 Get them Moving • The best exercise for the brain is exercise • Organized their movement instead of trying to stop it

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#8 Connect with EVERY Child • Connections on the outside build connections on the inside. • Four essential ingredients: Eye Contact, Touch, Presence, and Playfulness • Connection builds cooperation, willingness, impulse control, and attention skills • Neuroplasticity allows us to rewire the brain #7 Become the Person You Want the Child to Become • The brain functions optimally when we feel safe • In moments of upset children cannot be in a higher brain state than the adult • Be intentional about teaching and practicing stress management strategies • You must become the state you want the child to become. • Safekeeper: “My job is to keep you SAFE, your job is to help keep it safe.” • Use visuals to help children learn to breathe and start where they are developmentally

Little Miss Muffet Little Miss Muffet Sat on a Tuffet Eating her oatmeal one day Along came a spider Who sat down beside her And said, “Have a nice day!” ♥

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Take care of yourself first with ACTIVE CALMING:  I am safe (shift from limbic)  I can handle this (reduces adrenaline)  I can help this child with her problem (unhooks you emotionally) Empower yourself and children through using the language of safety:  Instead of “Don’t make me…”  Try “I’m going to…”

#6 Know the STATE: All behavior comes from an internal state

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Survival State: Am I Safe? FIGHT: Kick, hit, push, bite, FLIGHT: hide, withdraw, shut down SURRENDER: Give up, give in, comply, run away Needs: Composure, Noticing, Assertiveness

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Emotional State: Am I Loved? Verbal aggression/ Whining No, I hate you Back talk/attitude Blame/Attack NEEDS: Connection, Choices, Empathy

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Executive State: What can I Learn? CEO/Boss of brain Executive Skills: ATOPWIFEMGT Problem solving in social settings NEEDS: Consequences, Positive Intent

Brain State Model™

Change the STATE first and the behavior will follow

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#5 Focus on what you WANT • What you focus on you’ll get more of • When you are upset you are always focused on what you don’t want • You cannot change behavior by focusing on what you DON’T want • Adult Assertiveness: • Clear communication of limits • Just do it tone • Uses visuals to guide behavior

#4 Allow Children to Experience the Consequences of their Actions • Mistakes are an opportunity to teach • Natural consequences are the most powerful teacher • How you handle your mistakes creates a template for how children handle theirs • OOPS! Our Opportunity to Problem Solve • CIRCLE Method 1. Choice of skills (old and new) or the rule 2. Impose Consequence - Say, If you choose again to ____ then this is what will happen. 3. Relate it to safety. 4. Say, Tell me what’s going to happen if you Choose________. 5. Listen and clarify if needed. 6. Empathy with consequences (if she chooses again). #3 Acknowledge and Accept Feelings • Emotions are energy in motion • When we judge emotions we stop them from rising to the surface so they can be managed • Four Approaches to Feelings • Ignorer—focus on actions or behaviors, rather than teaching children to express emotions in healthy ways • Fixer—notices children’s feelings but expects them to handle it on their own or “happy up” • Punisher—criticizes children’s feelings or forbids displays of emotion • Coach—knows misbehavior represents an intense feeling without an appropriate outlet, uses moments of upset as an opportunity to teach #2 See the Best in Yourself and in Others • What you offer to others you strengthen in yourself • Who decides what others see in you? • We make it up, and many of us make it up negative • How I perceive a situation determines my internal state and that determines my behavior

Perception

Behavior

State

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#1 NOTICE! NOTICE! NOTICE!!! • The key ingredient to noticing is PRESENCE • Children send us signals with their behavior and our job is to notice it and respond. Many of us are so distracted that we don’t notice until it’s too late and then we REACT! • • • •

Noticing describes what you see Noticing is present in the moment Presence brings a sense of joy, safety, and passion Helps children become aware of themselves

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Judging puts a value on it Judging can be done absent-mindedly Judging brings a sense of emptiness or “please me”

Noticing Builds a Bridge

Noticing Awareness/Consciousness Stimulate Frontal Lobe

Notes:

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