Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 1
Transforming Family Conflict: an exploration of the contexts, skills and perceptions of four community peacebuilders
A Case Study Research Project Report by David Ketchum, Holly Ketchum and Ma Somethea
for Peace Bridges Phnom Penh, Cambodia August 2009
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A Word of Thanks On behalf of the Peace Bridges team, we want to thank David and Holly Ketchum and Mrs. Ma Somethea for this excellent and informative report. We are also sincerely grateful to the four anonymous graduates of our training who were willing to openly discuss the joys and challenges of family life. The insights of these women and men provided our team with a unique opportunity to understand more about family life in Cambodia, critically reflect on our practices and begin to understand how Peace Bridges can positively impact upon families into the future. For too many people, the family is a place of abuse and fear rather than a safe place of belonging. Our hope is that this small research project will be a useful resource for the many Cambodian women and men committed to the challenge of building peace and resilience in families. Peace Bridges welcomes feedback and constructive criticism of this report. We recognize this report is but a small insight into family life here, yet hope all readers find something helpful. Yours sincerely,
Mr. ChanMony General Services Manager
Mr. Barry Higgins Director
For more information, please contact Peace Bridges #73 Street 608 Toul Kork * Phnom Penh * P.O Box 1523 * office: 023 880 100 * e-mail:
[email protected] * http://peacebridges.blogspot.com/
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TABLE OF CONTENTS A Word of Thanks ............................................................................................................... 2 Part 1: Introduction ............................................................................................................. 4 1.1 Background and Rationale........................................................................................ 5 1.2 Objectives & Methodology....................................................................................... 6 1.3 Sources of Data ......................................................................................................... 8 1.4 The Research Team ................................................................................................. 10 Part 2: Context .................................................................................................................. 11 2.1 Family Conflict in Cambodia.................................................................................. 11 2.2 Theoretical Foundations.......................................................................................... 12 2.2.1 Case Study Methodology................................................................................. 12 2.2.2 Typologies of Domestic Violence .................................................................... 14 2.2.3 Healthy Families and Conflict Management ................................................... 15 2.2.4 Social Indicators............................................................................................... 16 2.3 Peace Bridges' Unique Position .............................................................................. 17 Part 3: Discussion of Major Findings ............................................................................... 18 3.1 Context of Family Conflict ......................................................................................... 18 3.1.1 Type of Conflict/Violence.................................................................................... 18 3.1.1.1 Please Understand Me…............................................................................... 19 3.1.1.2 Verbal Aggression ......................................................................................... 20 3.1.1.3 Reconciliation after Conflict......................................................................... 21 3.1.1.4 Aggravating & Limiting Factors................................................................... 22 3.1.2 Social Indicators................................................................................................... 23 3.1.2.1 Gender Roles and Stereotypes ...................................................................... 23 3.1.2.2 Political Structure.......................................................................................... 26 3.1.2.3 Religious Beliefs........................................................................................... 27 3.1.2.4 Attitudes toward Violence............................................................................. 28 3.1.2.5 State-Sponsored Violence; Migration Patterns ............................................. 29 3.2 Transforming Family Conflict .................................................................................... 30 3.2.1 Commitment to the Family .................................................................................. 31 3.2.2 Spousal Equality .................................................................................................. 33 3.2.3 Parenting that Nurtures, Protects and Guides ...................................................... 34 3.2.4 Respect for Differences & Needs ........................................................................ 35 3.2.5 Trust & Stability................................................................................................... 36 3.2.6 Flexibility............................................................................................................. 37 3.2.7 Open Communication .......................................................................................... 38 3.2.8 Problem-Solving & Conflict Resolution.............................................................. 39 3.2.9 Shared Life Values ............................................................................................... 42 3.2.10 Social Support Systems...................................................................................... 42 Part 4: Conclusions & Recommendations ........................................................................ 43 Bibliography ..................................................................................................................... 48 About Peace Bridges......................................................................................................... 51
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Part 1: Introduction Over the last decade, an increasing number of research projects and client services, both formal and informal, have been implemented to address the needs of families suffering violence in Cambodia. While this in itself is positive, it is also revealing the depth and extent of the problem. The legacy of genocide and civil war has not only left the scars of cultural trauma on the people of Cambodia, but also destroyed many of the cultural institutions and traditions formerly used to help people prepare for marriage, resolve family conflict, cultivate healthy family systems, and prevent/heal domestic violence. The purpose of this report is to share the findings of a small case study research project, conducted by Peace Bridges as part of a larger strategy for developing a program to equip peacebuilders committed to supporting healthy family systems in their communities. By employing an holistic, multiple-case study, we hoped to explore how the peace education KASH (knowledge, attitudes, skills and habits) taught by Peace Bridges has impacted family conflict, the context of its applicability, and further challenges and opportunities community peacebuilders experience in transforming family conflict. Our research was guided by the following question: How has the knowledge, attitudes, skills and habits (KASH) taught in the Conflict Counseling and Mediation Training (CCMT) better equipped participants to transform family conflict? This report is divided into four parts: • •
•
•
Part 1 provides information about the research project: the rationale, objectives, sources of data, and the research team. Part 2 provides the context of the research, both generally, in terms of family violence in Cambodia, and specifically, in terms of Peace Bridges' community peacebuilding work. This includes a review of relevant literature. Part 3 presents a discussion of the findings, beginning with illustrating the context and type of family conflict participants experienced (objective 1) and then moving on to an exploration of how participants engaged that conflict (objectives 2 through 4). Part 4 includes a conclusion & recommendations, relevant both to Peace Bridges' own program development and to other organizations developing strategies and resources for reducing family violence in Cambodia.
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1.1 Background and Rationale The Transforming Family Conflict case study research is part of the larger strategy of Peace Bridges for designing and implementing peace programming relevant to healing violent families and building peaceful families in Cambodia. Peace Bridges is a strategic partner of the Evangelical Fellowship of Cambodia (EFC) that provides training and services in conflict prevention and transformation. By training and then mobilizing community peacebuilders, Peace Bridges is involved in peace building on personal, interpersonal, and institutional levels. In the process of providing conflict counseling and mediation training, Peace Bridges heard consistent requests for more resources that help transform family conflict and violence. We also learned that the training Peace Bridges offered in conflict counseling and mediation had significantly impacted peacebuilder perceptions of family conflict and their ability to engage it, and that some peacebuilders were now teaching these skills to other families in their communities. In response, Peace Bridges began the process of developing programming relevant to family conflict and violence. The first step was the completion of a Background Study on Family Violence in Cambodia (available from Peace Bridges1), a literature review that combined current research from a western, psychological perspective with a Cambodian, advocacy-oriented perspective. In August 2008, Peace Bridges hired a new staff member to work with expatriate advisors to build staff capacity and explore appropriate ways for Peace Bridges to address these needs. We have clarified three key components for this program development: i) Contributing to the body of knowledge about peace education KASH applicable to family conflict and violence ii) Building capacity among Peace Bridges' staff and peacebuilders to design, participate in, and apply research-based program development iii) Identifying potential opportunities for community peace builders to promote healthy family relations, as well as preventing and healing domestic violence
*For more information about Peace Bridges and the Building Peaceful Families program proposal, please visit our weblog: http://peacebridges.blogspot.com Project description Transforming Family Conflict contributes to the larger programming and resource 1
This review is also available as a pdf download at: http://sites.google.com/site/peacebridgesresources/Home/UnderstandingFamilyViolenceAugust2008.pd f?attredirects=0
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 6 development goals relevant to healing and transforming family conflict/violence. Through offering advanced training and mobilization services throughout a network of partners and community peacebuilders, Peace Bridges will directly support relevant family peace education training. The expected impact is to promote healthy family relations in Cambodian communities, as well as to prevent and heal family conflict/violence, by equipping and mobilizing these community peacebuilders. Step 1: In August 2008, Peace Bridges hired a new staff member to work with 2 expatriate advisors to build staff capacity and explore appropriate ways for Peace Bridges to address these needs. This included completion of the small case study research project. Step 2: From August to December 2009, a team of Peace Bridges staff will begin designing a training program on cultivating peaceful families. This design team will work closely with two advisory committees. One group of expatriate members with experience and expertise relevant to family conflict/violence will monitor design and content quality. A second group of Cambodian community members will test the cultural appropriateness of the lessons. Step 3: A pilot program will be conducted January – June 2010. It is anticipated that this training will become an ongoing course, offered annually (2011 and 2012), providing specialized training for participants of Conflict Counseling and Mediation Training working with families. Step 4: Peace Bridges staff will support participants in developing and implementing family peace education training and services in their own circles of influence (July 2010 – June 2012). Step 5 and beyond: Ongoing staff capacity (relevant to family conflict/violence) and partnerships are developed. By the end of the initial 3 year project cycle, staff will make recommendations on future program directions. Possibilities include: men's support groups, women's support groups, premarital counseling training, family mediation training, etc.
1.2 Objectives & Methodology Transforming Family Conflict focused on four objectives. These objectives provided direction in choices of methodology: Objective 1. Identify the context and type of family conflict that community peacebuilders have experienced. Objective 2. Identify and explore what KASH (Knowledge, Attitudes, Skills, and Habits) from CCMT have been useful to community peacebuilders in transforming family conflict. Objective 3. Explore what skills/strategies peacebuilder families are actually implementing during their conflicts. Objective 4. Identify continued needs for peacebuilder families for building healthy
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 7 family systems and transforming family conflict.
Our assumption was that the CCMT KASH related to conflict counseling and mediation skills had crossover applicability to experiences of family conflict, particularly situational couple conflict/violence. It was further assumed that this KASH (in its present form) was not sufficient to engage violence associated with coercive controlling violence. Study Design & Methods We chose to design a holistic, multiple case study. The unit of analysis is the peace education KASH (Knowledge, Attitudes, Skills and Habits) taught in Peace Bridges’ Conflict Counseling and Mediation Training. Each case is the self-reported experiences of community peacebuilders on how participation in CCMT impacted their experience of family conflict. We used intensity sampling to locate, recruit and select four participants. To be eligible for inclusion, participants needed to have: 1) completed CCMT, 2) lived as an adult in a family context before and after participation in CCMT, 3) been identified by Peace Bridges staff as skillful in applying the KASH in their personal lives. Our rationale was that these choices would help reveal the real and potential impacts of the KASH to family conflict, as well as the challenges in doing so. To reflect the diversity of CCMT participants, the sample included two males and two females. Two participants lived in Phnom Penh and two lived in the provinces. Participation was entirely voluntary and participants were free to refuse to answer any question and to withdraw from the study at any time. Because participants shared personal experiences in trust, confidentiality has been protected through cross-case analysis (Yin, 1989: 56) and by leaving individuals unnamed in reports. Each case participated in an in-depth, semi-structured interview and accompanying role play that was followed by a focus group discussion of the data. In-depth interviews were conducted by teams of two Peace Bridges staff members (women with women and men with men). Interviews were recorded and interviewers completed narrative reports. Following interviews, each case also participated in a role play. These role plays were designed by Peace Bridges’ staff to reflect culturally relevant conflict scenarios. Each role play was video recorded. The final stage of data collection utilized focus group discussions. We chose participants for these groups based on the following eligibility requirements: 1) is currently a staff member of Peace Bridges, 2) has demonstrated competence in both applying and teaching CCMT KASH, and 3) has demonstrated interest and experience in helping families engage conflict. Each case interview and role play was reviewed by the focus group and their reflections were documented. Our rationale was the intention to gain the insight of those familiar with Cambodian culture and CCMT to identify and clarify the skills and strategies actually being implemented by participants during family conflict, as well as the continued challenges for cultivating peace. This data is also supplemented with the CCMT course material, a rapid assessment
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 8 survey, and a recent external evaluation.2 Data was analyzed using: 1) relevant theoretical propositions, 2) pattern matching and 3) cross-case analysis. As the data was compiled, each case was analyzed using the theories that had initially led to the study. 3 We then looked for patterns within the case while comparing the empirically based pattern (i.e., the experience of the participant in engaging family conflict) with the predicted one. In this case, our prediction was that basic peace education KASH would help to cultivate healthy family systems, so we looked for patterns that demonstrated how and why (or how not and why not) CCMT KASH was useful in the family context. Finally, the cases were compared in order to modify our theory and develop policy implications. In this final stage of the analysis, we looked for larger patterns of both the usefulness and limitations of CCMT KASH in transforming family conflict.4 Limitations The major limitation of the study is the inclusion of only four cases, which is further related to limitations of time, resources, and expertise.5 Limitations common to research in family related conflict and violence also apply to this study: it is difficult to discuss potentially embarrassing conflict stories; domestic violence is typically under-reported; interviewers are all trained in communication skills but inexperienced with research methodology; and the research team, while sensitive to relevant psychosocial issues (e.g., trauma, gender awareness, etc.), is without formal training in these disciplines. Finally, there is always the risk of misunderstanding, especially in the translation process. We hope readers are able to be mindful of these limitations.
1.3 Sources of Data Case Study Interviews and Role Plays The interviews provide the core data for the case studies, providing opportunity for the participants to reflect on their own experiences of family conflict and the impact CCMT KASH had on how they engaged that conflict. Interviews lasted 3-4 hours and were designed to elicit information relevant to each of the study's objectives. Similarly, the role plays provided an opportunity for direct observation of the possible ways participants apply the skills and strategies in a relevant conflict scenario. Focus Group Discussions Focus groups comprised of Peace Bridges staff members familiar with CCMT KASH met 2
Relevant data collection instruments are available from Peace Bridges, including: Rapid Assessment Survey, Interview Questionnaire, Role Play Scenarios, CCMT Course Outline, and glossary. For a deeper discussion of data sources, see section 1.3 below. 3 This report reflects this methodology, and the major findings are organized accordingly. 4 For more information about data analysis methodology, see especially Yin (1989), 105-126. 5 We hope this limitation is somewhat mitigated by the chosen methodology of an exploratory case study, as well as Peace Bridges' intention to continue the inquiry through Participatory Action Research during the pilot program. .
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 9 after each interview and role play to discuss the data collected. These discussions further identified KASH used in reported stories and role play experiences, as well as indicating needs for further growth in use of CCMT KASH. Additionally, these groups provided greater knowledge of cultural trends and common attitudes reflected in the conflicts described by the interviewed peacebuilders.
Rapid Assessment Survey Description. The survey was written by Peace Bridges' staff members and distributed during a graduation ceremony celebrating the completion of long-term training. The 89 respondents were all connected by interest, training, or organizational partnership to Peace Bridges. 43 respondents had completed Conflict Counseling and Mediation Training, the long-term peace education training offered to community peacebuilders. Limitations. The survey was mainly limited by its focus on premarital counseling, a decision reflecting the interests of staff at the time. While much of the content is still relevant, some questions cannot be applied outside of that focus. For instance, while 40% of the respondents indicated that their church/organization does NOT provide premarital counseling, we do not know if they provide any other program related to supporting healthy family development. We also do not know if respondents received relevant training that was not specifically addressing premarital counseling (e.g., 39% indicated attending a workshop/seminar for premarital counseling, but no options for gender mainstreaming, healthy sexuality, etc. were given). A second limitation is that the respondents were mainly from Christian churches and organizations. It is not possible to generalize their perceptions outside of this community. Conflict Counseling and Mediation Training Lesson Plans Conflict Counseling and Mediation Training (CCMT) consists of two parts (A and B), as well as an additional unit for Training of Trainers relevant to adult-learning methodologies. Training is not only participant centered, but also includes the use of role plays, reflection journals and homework. Part A focuses on foundational peacebuilding concepts and skills, including: • • • • • • • •
Judeo-Christian theology of peace active listening skills understanding forgiveness causes of conflict (identity, perception, stereotyping, prejudices and discrimination) responses to conflict introduction to rational emotive therapy understanding and uses of power transforming anger
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Part B focuses more particularly on concepts and skills for third party interventions (e.g., mediation), including: • • • • • • •
review and practice of foundational skills from Part A, especially active listening conflict analysis and case assessment the mediation process issues identification options generation and evaluation agreements and follow-up sustainable reconciliation practices
Peace Bridges' 2009 External Evaluation The evaluation included 43 stories of significant change for participants of the CCMT program. Although many of these stories were relevant to increasing conflict management skills and transforming attitudes, we included for analysis only those stories that involved family conflict.6 Another reason for their inclusion is that, unlike the stories told during case interviews, sharing them does not breach confidentiality with participants.
1.4 The Research Team The research was conducted by Peace Bridges. David Ketchum (MA, Intercultural Studies), MCC Peace Advisor, supervised the research process. Research activities were coordinated by Ma Somethea (Violence Prevention Associate), with assistance from Holly Ketchum (Assistant Peace Advisor), Peace Bridges' staff (in interviews and focus group discussions) and community peacebuilders (as role players). We would also like to thank Peace Bridges' staff and partners for their involvement: Interview Teams: Ma Somethea, Na Solida, Sar Sokhanpong Daniel, Som Chanmony, Nop Sokha and Lang Reaksmey Focus Group Participants: Ma Somethea, Sar Sokhanpong Daniel, Som Chanmony, and Nop Sokha Role Players: Srey Sochenda and San Sara Technical & Video Support: So Sam Oun Translation: Na Solida, Ma Somethea, and Som Chanmony 6
Please see Patty Curran, An Evaluation of Peace Bridges (26 March 2009), stories of significant change numbers 2, 7, 8, 15, 19, 26, 32, 33, 37, 39, and 43.
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Part 2: Context 2.1 Family Conflict in Cambodia Violence in the home has been a growing concern in Cambodia7 and the focus of various studies and programs, even at the highest levels of government (i.e., the establishment of the Ministry of Women’s Affairs). Cambodian law defines domestic violence8 as "violence that occurs between people living in the same house and who are dependent of the household". Acts of violence included in the law are as follows: • "Acts affecting life; • Acts affecting physical integrity; • Torture or cruel acts; • Harassment causing mental/psychological, intellectual harm; • Mental/psychological and physical harm exceeding morality and the boundaries of the law; • Sexual aggression (including violent sex, sexual harassment and indecent exposure); • Threats aiming at frightening, shocking; and • Acts affecting individuality and property." (CAMBOW 2007: 8) Domestic violence has often gone unreported in Cambodia, though that trend appears to be (slowly) changing (LICADHO 2007: 15). (For further information, see the literature review "Understanding Domestic Violence" available on the Peace Bridges weblog.9) As evidenced both by government legislation and non-government initiatives, the intentional work and education of various organizations addressing violence in the home have made interventions more culturally appropriate. However, studies continue to show a significant rate of incidence in Cambodian families. In 1996, two studies documented the experience (Zimmerman, 1996) and prevalence (Nelson and Zimmerman, 1996) of family violence in Cambodia. A decade later, the most comprehensive research on Cambodia's experience of family violence showed that, tragically, little had changed.10 In 2005, 64% of the population claimed to know a 7
The available literature focused primarily on physical abuse; therefore, most information in this section will only refer to such abuse. Any information pertaining to other types of abuse will be so noted. 8 The available research on domestic violence in Cambodia made no distinction between typologies of violence (See 2.2.2, Typologies of Domestic Violence, below). 9 Available at http://peacebridges.blogspot.com . Download is available at: http://sites.google.com/site/peacebridgesresources/Home/UnderstandingFamilyViolenceAugust2008.pd f?attredirects=0 10 “The prevalence of domestic violence as reported in this survey and in the 1996 PADV study has not changed significantly. The percentage of people who know a woman experiencing domestic violence in Cambodia – 64% - is lower than the 74% who reported knowing a family which experienced domestic violence in 1996. however [sic] the PADV survey asked about violence perpetrated by any family member.” (Cecil 2005: 86)
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 12 family11 that used violence by “Throwing something at the other, pushing or shoving or grabbing the other.” Further, 58% claimed to know a family that used violence by “Knocking on the head, slapping or spanking, kicking, biting, shaking, pulling hair, punching.” Even in families without physical violence, 93% of respondents said that it was acceptable for “cursing or insulting” to be used in family conflict and 92% claimed they knew a family that used cursing/insulting. Perhaps most significantly, respondent attitudes about the acceptability of violence, including extreme violence (e.g., threatening with a weapon, burning, choking, throwing acid, shooting, etc.), was consistently reported at disturbingly high levels. For example, when asked, “In your opinion, ... is it at any time acceptable for a husband to do this to his wife?,” 28% of respondents answered that it was at least sometimes acceptable to throw acid at or shoot the wife. (Cecil 2005: 26-29) This same baseline study also concluded with four challenges/program recommendations12 for those people/organizations wishing to change the situation of domestic violence in Cambodia. (86-87) The purpose of the present case study was to begin to investigate the applicability of peace education to the four challenges (engaging values and attitudes of power and control, addressing men in the context of women's rights, engaging attitudes accepting violence, and offering a wider and culturally appropriate range of alternatives for preventing and healing family conflict and violence) identified by the 2005 Baseline Survey. Participants of the Conflict Counseling and Mediation Training program offered by Peace Bridges were chosen specifically because this training focuses on transforming values and attitudes as a way to engage with and reduce conflict in communities.
2.2 Theoretical Foundations 2.2.1 Case Study Methodology Case study methodology has been used in researching domestic violence in Cambodia for many years now. The earliest landmark case study publication on domestic violence was the 1996 report Plates in a Basket Will Rattle, a report which brought to light the severity of the situation and which stimulated further research and implementation of several programs to help victims of domestic violence. Case study research continues to be used by organizations seeking to help Cambodians whose lives have been affected by domestic violence. The following theoretical assumptions relate to the decision by Peace Bridges to adopt the case study methodology for this research project. Research Context & Design. Baxter and Jack (2008) summarized Yin's discussion of when case study design may be a useful option:
11 Because of under-reporting by victims, the most reliable indicator of the actual prevalence of family violence is reports about other families. See WHO (2001), 14-17 for more information. 12 See 2.3, Peace Bridges Unique Position, for a more detailed description.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 13 "(a) the focus of the study is to answer “how” and “why” questions; (b) you cannot manipulate the behaviour of those involved in the study; (c) you want to cover contextual conditions because you believe they are relevant to the phenomenon under study; or (d) the boundaries are not clear between the phenomenon and context." The applicability of case study methodology in these contexts has, as Tellis pointed out, meant that "The effects of community-based prevention programs have been widely investigated using case methodology." (Tellis, July 1997) Yin (1989) discussed methods to ensure case study quality for construct validity, internal validity, external validity, and reliability (40-45). Baxter and Jack (2008) summarized key foundations for research quality: "As a basic foundation to achieve this, novice researchers have a responsibility to ensure that: (a) the case study research question is clearly written, propositions (if appropriate to the case study type) are provided, and the question is substantiated; (b) case study design is appropriate for the research question; (c) purposeful sampling strategies appropriate for case study have been applied; (d) data are collected and managed systematically; and (e) the data are analyzed correctly." (556) Case studies are designed accordingly. Yin (1989) described a 2X2 matrix, where case studies may be single or multiple with holistic or embedded units of analysis. (46) He further described three approaches or purposes for a case study: 1) explanatory, 2) exploratory, and 3) descriptive. (13) Care must also be taken to determine the unit(s) of analysis and bind the case. (Baxter and Jack 2008). To this end, Tellis (September 1997) outlined the "procedures recommended in the literature, followed by a discussion of the application of those procedures in the proposed study." Data Collection & Sources of Evidence. Case study methodology also allows for inclusion of a variety of data sources. Yin (1989) listed six sources of evidence: "documentation, archival records, interviews, direct observations, participantobservation, and physical artifacts" (85). As Tellis (September 1997) discussed, "The rationale for using multiple sources of data is the triangulation of evidence. Triangulation increases the reliability of the data and the process of gathering it. In the context of data collection, triangulation serves to corroborate the data gathered from other sources." However, the advantage is not without risks. Baxter and Jack (2008) points out that one common danger is "the collection of overwhelming amounts of data that require management and analysis." To cope with large amounts of qualitative data, Tellis (September 1997) also discussed three principles for collecting and using data: "1. Use multiple sources of data, 2. Create a case study database, 3. Maintain a chain of evidence."
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 14 Yin (1989) highlighted the importance of training and preparation for conducting case studies. Investigators must have highly developed communication skills, be adaptive, understand a multitude of related issues, and maintain openness without bias to preconceived notions. The research team must also be briefed in areas relevant to their participation, including: field procedures, case study methodology, tasks, interview skills, data management and study purposes. (61-83) Data Analysis & Program Implications. Yin (1989) emphasized the importance of developing an analytic strategy. This can be especially important since, as Baxter and Jack (2008) pointed out, collection and initial analysis may occur concurrently. Tellis (July 1997) summarized four key principles for analysis: • • • •
"Show that the analysis relied on all the relevant evidence Include all major rival interpretations in the analysis Address the most significant aspect of the case study Use the researcher's prior, expert knowledge to further the analysis"
Common strategies for analysis include: "pattern matching, linking data to propositions, explanation building, time-series analysis, logic models, and cross-case synthesis." (Baxter and Jack 2008) Yin (1989) calls "relying on theoretical propositions" "The first and more preferred strategy" (106). Theoretical foundations typically shape the data collection and are therefore especially relevant for analysis. Pattern matching is strongly related to theoretical foundations, including using rival explanations or explanation-building to analyze patterns. (ibid, 109-115) This reliance on theoretical propositions extends throughout the logic of the case study methodology. As Tellis (July 1997) concluded, "generalization of results, from either single or multiple designs, is made to theory and not to populations."
2.2.2 Typologies of Domestic Violence In recent years researchers have developed typologies of domestic violence to describe the types of situations and relationship patterns in which the violence occurs. These types emerge from different causes and require different treatment responses in order to end the violence. Using the categories named by Johnson (2006), these typologies can be identified as Coercive Controlling Violence, Violent Resistance, Situational Couple Violence, and Separation Instigated Violence (1). Coercive Controlling Violence is indicated by controlling patterns, and includes such patterns as "intimidation; emotional abuse; isolation; minimizing, denying, and blaming; use of children; asserting male privilege; economic abuse; and coercion and threats" (10). Violent Resistance is violence that occurs as an act of resistance against inflicted violence. It can be done almost instinctively in the moment, or can be thought out ahead of time in response to frequent violence (15-16). Separation Instigated Violence is violence that occurs when a couple with no prior history of violence chooses to separate (22). For the purposes of our research, we will focus on Situational Couple Violence.
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Kelly and Johnson describe (2008) Situational Couple Violence: z z z z z z
Violence “is not based on a relationship dynamic of coercion and control ... and mostly arises from conflicts and arguments between partners” (481) is gender symmetric (481) “is not embedded in a relationship-wide pattern of power, coercion, and control” (485) “results from situations or arguments between partners” (485) “One or both partners appear to have poor ability to manage their conflicts and/or poor control of anger” (485) “the violence and emotional abuse are not accompanied by a chronic pattern of controlling, intimidating, or stalking behaviors” (485-6)
Typically, this type of violence occurs infrequently within a particular couple (Johnson 2006, 18), though it can become "chronic and severe, even homicidal" (3-4).
2.2.3 Healthy Families and Conflict Management There are many qualities used to define healthy families or support healthy family relationships.13 These qualities enable families to weather those inevitable conflicts that are a part of life in any relationship, and become even more crucial if a family is to survive a time of crisis. Some qualities of healthy families include: 1. Commitment to each other as a family, and to the well-being of individual members. 2. Fairness among the spouses (equitable sharing, respect and support among spouses). 3. Parenting that nurtures, protects, and guides children. 4. Respect for individual differences and needs. 5. Trust, supported by predictability and stability in family interactions. 6. Flexibility in adapting to both internal and external demands of life. 7. Understanding and open communication between family members. 8. Effective problem-solving strategies, allowing for conflict resolution. 9. Shared life values. 10. Networking with larger social circles (relatives, friends, community, other social systems), thus providing resources for both physical and psycho-social support.14 13 Lists by researchers, while sometimes using distinct wordings and categories, include considerable overlap in identifying these qualities. See also the U.S. Health Department report (Krysan, Moore, Ph.D., and Zill, Ph.D., Child Trends, Inc; May 10, 1990) for summary lists from several different research reports. Available online at: http://aspe.hhs.gov/daltcp/Reports/ressucfa.htm 14 Adapted from Tip sheet: Ten Processes (Qualities) that Support Healthy Family Relationships by
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The same qualities that make up a healthy family also support and maintain them during conflict situations.
2.2.4 Social Indicators Walker (1999) identified factors that interact to determine the social context of family violence: (1) gender [roles and stereotypes] (2) political structure (3) religious beliefs (4) attitudes toward violence in general (5) [attitudes toward] violence toward women (6) state-sponsored violence, such as civil conflicts and wars, and (7) the migration within and between countries (21) Additionally, Heise developed an "Ecological Model" to conceptualize the levels and interactions of these factors, reproduced below. Each person experiences these factors in a different way, which in part accounts for the differing levels of violence in individuals at the same time as recognizing larger trends and patterns in abuse and perpetrator typologies. (Heise 1999: 8)
Gayle Peterson, (excerpted from Making Healthy Families, 1996-2003.). Available online at http://www.askdrgayle.com/seminar_j.htm
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Within Cambodia, patriarchal societal structure; sexual taboos; the five-tiered political structure; certain religious beliefs (i.e. common perceptions of kamma); general attitudes regarding the acceptability of violence; and migration between neighboring countries are all significant factors that can contribute to prevalence of family violence and a sense of helplessness for its victims.15
2.3 Peace Bridges' Unique Position In the 2005 Baseline Survey on domestic violence in Cambodia, the authors concluded “There has been a wide range of donors, government agencies and NGOs working intensely to reduce domestic violence for the last nine years. ... this study demonstrates that these efforts have not lead to a significant change in attitude or behaviors, .... At their core, these past approaches were unconnected to Cambodian values and attitudes.” (Cecil 2005: 86) Specifically, the study called for programs with the following characteristics: z z z
z
Engages values and attitudes about power and control, specifically within the context of gender and family roles Addresses men rather than focusing exclusively on human rights education of women Engages widespread attitudes of acceptance of violence, abuse, and “men's entitlement to greater rights” rather than focusing exclusively on domestic violence as a crime Operates with awareness of the importance of “keeping the family together at all costs” as a common value, including offering a wider range of possibilities that include “ conflict resolution and improved communication within the family, community based help structures, referral systems, counseling or working with violent men.” (Cecil 2005: 86-87)
Peace Bridges is in a unique position to try to meet these challenges. An external evaluation (February 2009) has recently demonstrated the effectiveness and sustainability in Peace Bridges' programming in impacting the attitudes of participants, including relevance to family conflict and violence. The current Conflict Counseling and Mediation training includes lessons on power, control, identity, conflict transformation, empathetic communication, and conflict counseling – all of which have been identified above as essential contributions to addressing family violence in Cambodia. 15
For an example of reviewing the Cambodian context using these indicators, see David and Holly Ketchum (2008). Understanding Family Violence in Cambodia: A Background Study (Phnom Penh: Peace Bridges). Available at: http://sites.google.com/site/peacebridgesresources/Home/UnderstandingFamilyViolence August2008.pdf?attredirects=0
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Finally, Peace Bridges already has a well-established network of community peacebuilders, many of whom are eager to further develop their skills and/or implement new peace programming in their local context. The potential for a quality program addressing family conflict/violence and encouraging the development of healthy family systems is very great.
Part 3: Discussion of Major Findings The discussion begins with exploring the type of conflict the peacebuilders experienced (objective 1) and is significant for understanding the family contexts where CCMT KASH has been applied. Then follows an exploration of how the cases handled family conflict, with special attention to how CCMT KASH was employed (objectives 2-4). Special effort was made to use illustrative quotations from interviews, role plays and focus group discussions without compromising the confidentiality of the participants.16 NOTE: In sharing results of an exploratory case study, it is important to note that generalizations reported in our Major Findings are the perceptions of participants and should not be assumed to be representative of the Cambodian population.
3.1 Context of Family Conflict 3.1.1 Type of Conflict/Violence Summary of Findings 3.1 Objective 1: Identify the context and type of family conflict that community peacebuilders have experienced. In each of the four cases, participants described experiences of conflict common to family life. No incidents of physical violence were reported. Verbally aggressive behaviors were noted, with accompanying emotional pain, but there were no indications of chronic patterns of abuse. If conflict were to escalate to violence, it would most likely be consistent with Kelly and Johnson's description of situational couple violence. Especially important in the experience of conflict were: the perception of being misunderstood, the experience of verbal aggression, and the challenge of reconciliation. Although the cases were each unique in their experience of family conflict, several patterns emerged during data analysis. The first was relevant to Kelly and Johnson’s (2008) theory of typologies of domestic violence. As illustrated below, if escalated to 16
Stories of Significant Change relevant to family life are also included, especially since material from the March 2009 external evaluation of Peace Bridges is not confidential.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 19 violence, the conflicts that participants described best fit with Kelly and Johnson's description of Situational Couple Violence (SCV). Conflict was typically reciprocal (i.e., engaged in by both partners and not gender specific), aggravated by poor ability (in one or both partners) to manage both conflict and/or overwhelming emotions, and not chronic. Finally, although SCV can include physical violence, there was no indication of this in these cases and conflicts appeared to occur irregularly.17 Three other patterns were especially prominent in illustrating the conflicts. First, the conflict and violence typically stemmed from arguments and/or lack of understanding/empathy. Second, violence was typically verbal/emotional. Third, families struggled to find appropriate models of reconciliation. The final section of the discussion explores limitations and factors that aggravated the conflicts.
3.1.1.1 Please Understand Me…. All four cases expressed deep desire to be heard and understood by their partner.
"The common problems in my family conflict are lack of understanding or empathy or listening to different thoughts of each other, which always bring us to get angry with each other." “Most of the conflicts arising within my family involve not listening, which frequently leads us to make a judgment and wrong understanding of one another.”
This inability to be understood was also related to feelings of powerlessness in one or both partners.
"My wife rarely listens to my reasons. She didn't try to understand about me. She demanded for her reason only. To avoid conflict, I had to ignore my own reason and pretended to listen to her."
In one example, the peacebuilder had to choose between making what he thought was the best decision in a situation and provoking his wife’s anger -
17 It should be noted that the discussion of cultural factors (section 3.1.2) illuminates several possibilities for how families could become subject to, for instance, Chronic Controlling Violence (CCV), particularly through gender stereotypes (especially as it relates to power and control) and social attitudes toward violence (generally and toward women).
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 20
“She got angry with me, but I didn't care as I didn't know how to make her understand in this immediate situation.”
In two other cases, misunderstanding/lack of empathy led to frustration.
"...she didn't understand me. She didn't know what my need was. Sometimes, I told her I needed something for a specific reason, but she always refused. It made me angry with her." “My husband is so stubborn and firm on his side....most of the times it made me angry with him. He should listen completely before making a conclusion...”
These stories also illustrate a consistent limitation when only one family member has learned the KASH, and this limitation seems to be especially strong when the head of household (typically male) has not learned or does not appreciate these values and skills. It seems important that both partners have KASH relevant to family conflict or, at the very least, that peacebuilders are trained in self-empathy as well as empathy for the other. Otherwise, training may actually lead to frustration and disempowerment on the part of the peacebuilder which, in turn, can lead to escalation of conflict.
3.1.1.2 Verbal Aggression Escalation of conflict most often included verbal aggression and provocation.
“Using bad words are common problems which bring us to get angry with each other.”
A focus group discussion gave examples common to Cambodian context: yelling, scolding, intimidating, using aing (personal pronoun used to denote superiority and that is regarded as very impolite outside of very formal settings), body language (e.g., shaking a finger), and shame. The data hinted at different sources of this type of verbal aggression, including a combination of learned common cultural patterns with frustration at lack of understanding and empathy.
"I got very angry and I insulted her loudly for me keeping me waiting and missing the appointment....This really upset her."
One case specifically noted that verbal aggression was a regular source of tension in the
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 21 family, compounded by an inability of the partner to change these patterns of communication.
“I was unhappy with my husband's attitude of using impolite words or being nasty to me. I tried to talk to him....He was aware of his own behavior and accepted it couldn't be changed easily as it is his habit. Honestly, I really insist to see this kind of behavior changed.”
3.1.1.3 Reconciliation after Conflict The meaning and models of reconciliation after family conflict is an area that deserves more investigation. Each case hinted at the importance of reconciliation without describing the process they engaged in. One case specifically noted the equality of each spouse in the reconciliation process –
“I can't observe any power control over our conflict so far. Both of us are aware of our faults as the conflict arises between us. Each of us always humbles to the other as I/he realize that this was my/his mistake.”
While another case described the tension over how to satisfy his need for connection and peace with his wife and the challenges of the reconciliation process by noting that -
"Being angered, I spent my time on doing my work and did not talk to her and even did not come home to have lunch or dinner. I understood her nature was stubborn and it was not easy for her to come to reconcile with me until I came to her first. If I don't want the conflict to become bigger, I'm the one to compromise and reconcile with her."
Significantly, one case noted the power of active listening and empathy in facilitating the reconciliation process -
“Even though I was angry with him, I still kept my character of being reasonable and reacted in a polite way. He couldn't deny humbling himself to listen to my own reason and my opinion.”
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 22 Another case stressed the importance of dealing with issues early before conflict escalates.
“For us the relationship after the conflict is fine, as we never have any complicated problems and whenever we have problems we resolve them in a couple of days.”
A fruitful exploration for peacebuilders could be to look deeply at their own family habits of reconciliation and discuss them together.
3.1.1.4 Aggravating & Limiting Factors CCMT KASH was effective in empowering peacebuilders to deal with common family conflicts. In these situations, the main limiting factor was the need for more training with direct application to family situations and accompanying role plays. However, one case also raised the important issue of aggravating factors that complicate family conflict. In this case, the partner’s poor ability to handle conflict was complicated by alcohol consumption.18 The case reported the CCMT KASH supported her ability to cope with this situation, helping her understand and have empathy with her partner and promote her own emotional regulation. This indicates both a potential strength and weakness. First, CCMT KASH, while not sufficient in itself for more complex family issues, can be effectively integrated into programs addressing complex family issues like alcoholism. Such integration could greatly enhance the effectiveness of those programs. Second, other research has found that increased empathy and forgiveness can actually perpetuate situations of injustice or violence (Saguy et al 2009)19, and that this is also a risk in situations of family conflict and violence (Tsang and Stanford 2006)20. In this situation, increased empathy and forgiveness for her partner helped the case remain in the relationship without the relationship being changed. Alcohol consumption and verbal 18 In this particular case, the interview indicated that drunkenness was often the occasion of family conflict and increased verbal aggression, but there were not patterns of chronic abusive behavior, including no indication of physical violence. 19 The study by Saguy et al (2009) explored the effects of empathy on intergroup conflict. Specifically, “beyond improving attitudes, positive intergroup contact may also lead disadvantaged-group members to attend less to group inequality. These outcomes may both contribute to more optimistic expectations that the out-group will behave fairly—expectations that were associated with lower levels of support for social change among disadvantaged-group members….” (no page). That a similar dynamic can occur in family conflict and violence is attested by Tsang and Stanford (see following note). 20 Tsang and Stanford (2006) noted that empathy and forgiveness can especially be deleterious in cases of coercive controlling violence: “Regardless of the causal direction, these data illustrate a vicious cycle between dominant batterers who continually elicit empathy from forgiving women, raising the possibility of tolerance for sustained abuse” (14).
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 23 aggression continued. Another case exhibited a similar tendency: increased empathy and understanding, while leading to several transformative interactions, also increased the case’s tolerance for some unhealthy family patterns, including lack of mutual respect.
3.1.2 Social Indicators Summary of Findings 3.1 Objective 1: Identify the context and type of family conflict that community peacebuilders have experienced. We analyzed the data using seven factors that interact to influence the social context of family violence: gender [roles and stereotypes], political structure, religious beliefs, attitudes toward violence in general, [attitudes toward] violence toward women, state-sponsored violence, such as civil conflicts and wars, and migration within and between countries. (Walker 1999, 21) Of these, gender attitudes were the most prominent in the four cases’ immediate experience of family conflict.
3.1.2.1 Gender Roles and Stereotypes Gender roles play a dominant role in family conflict and violence. Specifically, in these four cases, the men tended to experience a great deal of pressure to conform to socially reinforced images of masculinity, while the women tended to express needs for connection, respect, and being heard. However, this should not be taken to mean that the men felt no need for emotional connection and respect (they clearly did) or that women felt no societal pressures (they clearly did). Rather, gender stereotypes in Cambodia seem to reinforce these types of roles and, in turn, how conflict is experienced by men and women. The “Strong” Man The most common image of masculinity expressed was related to strength and power. Practically, strength was derived from the ability of the man to earn the income for the family and a resultant expectation for the man to display this wealth. In one case, this social pressure provoked a disagreement over who was to handle money during travel -
“I wanted to show others that, as a man, I earned the money to spend on my wife or family.”
Focus group discussions reflected on the stories each case told as it related to gender.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 24 They noted three things in particular. First, domestic duties are commonly associated with weakness, so that -
“The man is very few times encouraged to have time with the children; he is the breadwinner and is seen to be tired after his work; if he returns home from work and sees the mess from the children, he can scold her (the wife) or even beat her and the community would see it as the wife's fault.”
Instead, second, the “strong man” may even be encouraged to be aloof from his family -
“Most men here would say that there are three things a man should know, 1) women, 2) wine, and 3) gambling.” “For my situation, I don't participate in the parties in my neighborhood, so they say to me that I am not a pure man and that I have a woman's attitude - instead of being a man I like doing the housework.”
Third, the association of money and power with gender roles adds another layer to common family conflict over finances. For example, at times a woman may desire to manage the finances in order to discourage her husband from taking a mistress.
"...men need to have money in their pocket, especially for the sweetheart. This is why the wife got angry and said the money must be for another woman in the example."
Finally, in one case a male peacebuilder felt like his conviction to be different and exhibit strength in non-dominating ways negatively impacted his ability to be respected and listened to by others in the family.
The Domesticated Woman Both male and female cases also expressed rigid roles for women associated with managing finances21 and domestic duties. For example, one male remarked that –
21
Another important area for further investigation relates to gender and economic transformation in developing nations. Blumberg (1984) argued that women’s control of economic resources is the most significant indicator of gender equality in a society; lower economic power is associated with higher rates of violence and oppression against women. More study into how Cambodian families associate financial management with gender roles and the resultant impact on women’s confidence, autonomy, and freedom from family violence may be fruitful.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 25
“Sometimes I recognize the nature of a lady as a person stricter on spending money.”
And a female remarked that –
“...it is the nature of a woman to see a cleaned and tidy house. … I started to think as well about the differences between men and women. I rather reconciled with him so that the conflict of doing housework might be reduced.”
Focus group discussion also reflected on how parental roles are similarly affected by gender stereotypes. Consistent with the ‘strong man’ image, mothers take a more prominent role in parenting.
“Since the baby is born, the mother is always closer to the children; a good father is still not as close as the wife.”
This is often the case even for working women.
“Even for the mother who is working and has the business, she still finds a way to be close to the children.”22
Gender and Expressing Vulnerability Both of these conceptions of masculinity and femininity have a strong relationship to power and control. This, in turn, impacts family conflict. For example, the ‘strong man’ may feel it is difficult to admit mistakes or seek reconciliation, or he may be perceived as weak if he does these things.
“As a man, I feel shame to talk to my wife first when we have a conflict.” “A man should not have a mistake.” “To let it go (i.e., not talk about the conflict) can be understood as an apology. To 22 It was also hinted that even females who become primary income earners are often expected to be responsible for domestic duties. In one case’s family of origin, the woman was expected to clean and cook for the husband even though she was quite busy as the primary income-earner for the family.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 26 say it out loud is shameful for a man.” “Talking first shows his weakness, shows he has a mistake inside him....For the wife to point it out also makes him vulnerable.” “Then I understood that the nature of man being the husband in conflict is hardly to compromise the wife.”
These kinds of limits on communication can also lead to more passive-aggressive behaviors.
“Sometimes a man may pretend he is angry to test commitment from his wife. For example, maybe he will not eat food just to hear his wife say, 'you must eat!' and hear her concern for him.” “I found out that while the women tried to kick her husband out of the home it was meant she really wanted him to stay with and care for her indeed.”
As noted above, power issues often involve income and resources.
“The men always say they have the power more than the woman because they find the money and work for the family.”
This is especially true if money management is used abusively to exercise control over family members. Focus group discussion also noted that people tend to discourage economic abuse with gender related stereotypes and insults.
“There are two extremes [of economic abuse]: the husband controlling all finances or the wife controlling all the finances. If the husband controls the finances, people say that ‘the husband has a female attitude’ and ‘the wife is suffering when the husband controls the money’ [lyrics from a popular song]. If the woman controls all the finances, the husband is said to be ‘under his wife's skirts.’
3.1.2.2 Political Structure The peacebuilders did not discuss political structure directly, but their stories
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 27 demonstrated some of the basic reality for families in Cambodia. For example, one case shared how family elders intervened in a family conflict and encouraged the family to stay together. Perhaps the most significant reference to the political structure came during a role play when a male participant said, “if you don't like that, we can go to the village chief.”23 The focus group shared that a common meaning of this statement is often, “just be quiet, you know you don't have a case,” reflecting a perception that these local authorities (almost always male) give preference to males in disputes and/or do not seek to have a deep understanding of the issues.
3.1.2.3 Religious Beliefs The cases generally viewed religious belief as a resource in decreasing family violence, mainly through the development of moral ideals. One peacebuilder indicated that prayer helped with personal emotional regulation while dealing with a recurrent conflict. Another remarked that awareness of how conflict impacted his Christian religious commitments encouraged him to find solutions to those conflicts.
“[Conflict] destroys my self, especially my commitment to read the Bible, pray and work.”
Religion also may provide alternatives for gender stereotypes, as in this story of a strong but gentle father. “[My father was] gentle. He was also an Achar [lay religious leader24], and familiar with the Buddha's discipline. ... [When my mother used abusive words,] my father stayed calm without saying anything or walked away.”
The Rapid Assessment Survey also indicated that religious beliefs are foundational to the respondents' perceptions about healthy family life, but also that religious organizations may be key to providing community based help structures for families. Specifically, the survey showed that 1) Related religious organizations are demonstrating an openness to integrate familyrelated content into their community programs. 23
If something happens within the community, the village chief is typically the one who takes initiative to address it, and if it is beyond his capacity he will refer it to the commune council. Spouses can go to the village chief to mediate a dispute. 24 For a description of traditional responsibilities of the achar, please see Ian Harris, Cambodian Buddhism: History and Practice (Chiang Mai, Thailand: Silkworm Books, 2005), 77-78.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 28 2) Related religious organizations support further training of staff, including specializations for those working in family conflict settings. Focus groups discussions, however, noted that religious beliefs can also support violent actions and/or passive responses to destructive behavior. One example shared was that both Christian and Buddhist teachers often teach that physical violence against children is both acceptable and appropriate. Additionally, one group pointed out that Christian teachings on “trials sent to test our faith” and Buddhist teachings on kamma could both be used to suggest a person patiently endure an abusive relationship, rather than working to change it in some way. The potential of religious beliefs and institutions to influence families in positive or negative ways makes understanding current programming even more important. In the Rapid Assessment Survey, most respondents were working in a (Christian) church setting. 81% of the respondents indicated their church/organization provided some type of premarital counseling (39% indicated they had some level of training, mostly through public workshops/seminars and private study). 89% of the respondents indicated their church/organization used the Christian bible as a primary source for course materials (additionally, 58% used personal experiences and 36% a curriculum). Content focused on “purpose of marriage” (72%) and the “accountability of husband and wife” (75%).
3.1.2.4 Attitudes toward Violence The interviews did not focus on attitudes about violence and only one peacebuilder hinted at wider attitudes toward physical violence, noting the cultural use of shame and referring to widely accepted practices of corporal punishment of children.
“My mum was a nasty lady but sometimes she was right, since she beat the child when the child didn't go to school.”
Another peacebuilder reflected on how childhood experiences of family conflict (both how the parents treated each other and the children) strengthened her own resolve to build a healthier family of her own.
“They didn’t care how we felt as children. Never will I behave that way towards my children. I will do my best to protect them.”
Peacebuilders also referred to common cultural attitudes toward violence toward women regarding use of “bad words,” as well as potential violence within sexual relationships within marriage, a problem one case encountered in work interactions.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 29
“Sexual relationship becomes a more serious problem for some couples, as I understood so far from my work experiences. This case frequently led to divorce or using violence in family.”
Focus group discussions added that “Society accepts yelling at and scolding your wife” and that intimidation and shame are often acceptable in the family context. They also discussed their perception that there is currently a society-wide discussion about whether physical punishment (e.g., spanking) used as a form of discipline should be considered violent. It should also be noted that, as peacebuilders by conviction and profession, the cases all had deeply held values of peace and nonviolence.
3.1.2.5 State-Sponsored Violence; Migration Patterns Not surprisingly, both state-sponsored violence and migration have been significant in the cases’ lives. Besides the direct cost for those who experienced the Khmer Rouge period or the civil unrest that followed, a heavy toll was also paid by families. One case specifically noted how the Khmer Rouge regime separated families and, with them, the possibility of consistent role models.
“I don't know much about my parents' marriage because of the war.”
Another experienced familial separation due to her father’s employment with the armed forces.
“My father was a soldier and assigned to take his duty far away from home.”
Another case reported their family of origin being impacted by the parents living apart in separate regions of the country for work (economic migration) and only meeting infrequently. In the case’s experience, this was associated with strained familial relationships and favoritism.
As I can remember, my father worked in the city and my mother came to do business far away. They had an argument frequently for my sister and me. I could see my mother seemed to love her younger daughter more than me. For an
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 30 example, after coming back from the market she never went to my sisters with an empty hand. But in contrast she rarely bought me something. Sometimes, I wondered if I were really one of her daughters.
A focus group member also shared the story of a former soldier (stationed at the border during the civil war) and how those experiences influenced him in his family. He indicated that he was previously very aggressive and that his own use of power had been previously influenced by carrying a gun (as a soldier). He described this as the “power of the gun.”
“I will win, because I have the gun.”
Another story from the focus group concerned how patterns of alcohol use and family conflict was influenced by the common experience of Cambodians in Thai refugee camps.
“This family used to live in the Thai refugee camp; there the people cannot go anywhere and alcohol was part of their lives; when they were integrated into Cambodia, they did not have a good job, work to do; they were put into the slum/squatter camp, this led to depression; could think only of meeting their friend, drinking alcohol, and never getting anywhere.”
Finally, it should be noted that the four cases did not raise issues or demonstrate symptoms related to post-traumatic stress, though a significant portion of Cambodia’s population have suffered from these symptoms over the last decades of civil unrest and restoration. It is not known what impact CCMT KASH has on those recovering from trauma.
3.2 Transforming Family Conflict Summary of Findings Objective 2. Identify and explore what KASH (Knowledge, Attitudes, Skills, and Habits) from CCMT has been useful to community peacebuilders in transforming family conflict. Objective 3. Explore what skills/strategies peacebuilder families are actually implementing during their conflicts. Objective 4. Identify continued needs for peacebuilder families for building
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 31 healthy family systems and transforming family conflict. We analyzed data with Peterson’s Ten Processes (Qualities) that Support Healthy Family Relationships. We looked for patterns of interactions, as well as how the CCMT KASH was being applied and influencing families toward or away from healthy family interactions. We found that CCMT KASH generally helped influence families toward healthier relationships/interactions, though with varying degrees of success.
3.2.1 Commitment to the Family While commitment to the family is a common cultural value,25 awareness of and efforts toward “well-being of individual members” were promoted through implementation of CCMT KASH, particularly during times of conflict. Of special significance at this point were lessons on empathetic listening/listening to understand rather than to “win” an argument.
“So I got to understand her thought. I calmed down when I had the clear understanding."
Two stories of significant change (Curran 2009) also illustrate how CCMT KASH empowered families to promote their own well-being. In the first, the peacebuilder found her relationship with her sister transformed.
#39. My younger sister had stomach surgery but even before that she was always losing her temper, finding fault with me, and having a lot of expectation that when I came home from work I would spend a few hours cleaning and washing despite having a pretty intense full-time job. I longed for personal time but I could see that my sister feels that she can’t manage (and shouldn’t have to manage) all the chores at home and I’ve gotten better at accepting that this is part of my responsibility at home. I am now much more aware of others’ feelings than before and less tempted to judge my sister and dismiss her as lazy but rather try to be fair and generous and kind because I love her.
In a second story, an aunt was able to transform feelings of ill-will for an errant nephew to feelings of love and hope.
25 Cecil (2005):86-87
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 32 #43. It is difficult to love my nephew and before the Peace Bridges training, seeing so much as his foot print would make me have negative feelings. I really can say that I hated him because he is rude and arrogant and embarrassing. I want to talk about the [Judeo-Christian theology of peace] lessons we had. Right after we had that lesson I became determined to get closer to him and I realized that my desire to just get far away from him would do nothing to help him. I decided then to use him as my moto-dup and try to influence him by loving him. Because he wanted the money he agreed to take me around (though I must say that it was even culturally embarrassing that he would ever take money from his aunt!). He was dismissive and would say things like “if the police arrest me for driving crazy, I’ll just call one of my big friends to get me out”, but I persevered and kept on trying to help to influence him and to love him. Recently he got a job in Koh Kong but he continued being rude- complaining that he had no girls to flirt with. He made me be ashamed but I maintained my determination to remain calm and just kept telling him that we’re Christian and we should be the light and salt, just like we learned from Peace Bridges. I made the decision like Jesus- whom the world would reject and he knew this and still he agreed to die. Just so, I was given no indication that my nephew would change. I was raised to think that I should get away from all things that don’t seem good but I will stay with my nephew in hopes that one day he will feel my love and have a change of heart.
However, it should also be noted that commitment to family members is often associated with saving face and, in certain contexts, can be a weakness. Especially when resources are limited and parties are disempowered, commitment to maintaining relationships at all costs can trap family members within destructive relationships.
“Sometimes I chose to divorce with him, but our elderly relatives always helped with the intervention and encouraged us not to get divorced.”
Holding this caution in awareness, this cultural value is a major resource for peacebuilders, since family members have a high motivation to stay together. Cases also identified areas of continued need in order to support well-being of each spouse. Two particular issues raised were: sex education (“how to make a healthy sexual relationship, how to express need of sexual relationship to each other, how to deal with problems of dysfunction sexual relationship”) and marital fulfillment (“Marriage life which shows how to fulfill each other (true love)”).
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 33
3.2.2 Spousal Equality Regarding “fairness among the spouses”, CCMT lessons on power were important. Both male respondents referred to the use of power in conflicts (in some examples it was the man using power, and in some it was the woman using power). One individual indicated that these lessons promoted personal awareness of ways in which he had used his societal power as male and financial provider to control his wife's behavior. These lessons also made him aware of verbal violence and a psychology of violence (as opposed to viewing only physical acts as violent). Lessons pertaining to communication and listening skills also were important, impacting two families by helping to “balance the power” in decision making. It is worth noting here that often conflicts over decision making tended to be related to use of financial resources.26 In one story of significant change, a husband was able to see that his wife’s feelings and perceptions were equally valid.
#37. I recently went to my orchard with his wife where there is a man who works for us by picking fruit. At the end of the day my wife wanted to give him some extra money for his help- Rs 10000- but when she attempted to give him the money he refused to take it – he just kept trying to give it back at us and when we were driving away the guy tossed the note into the car and I just kept it. My wife was very angry at me for not just tossing it out the window and driving off but I could tell he really didn’t want to take money from us that day. I recognized that my wife had a reason to be upset with me because she was trying to be generous and I prevented that plan and so I apologized and rather than getting angry with her for not seeing my side of the story, I accepted that her feelings were right also. I can definitely say that participating in the course has made me a better husband.
Similarly, another husband was empowered to move away from a pattern of blaming his wife for problems.
#7 Before when there was a problem in our house I always, I mean 100% of the time, blamed my wife. It was always her fault and now I think…hmmm, I guess I added to this problem or I’m the one who started this, or maybe I don’t fully understanding this situation. Before I always looked for excuses and now I am certain that the truth is most important. Even though in Cambodia it is perceived as a weakness, I have the habit of saying I’m sorry even to people who are 26
See note 21 and Blumberg (1984) for the importance of gender and economic control.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 34 younger than me. It might look strange but it’s the right thing to do.
Spousal equality intersects strongly with broadly held gender stereotypes. Future programming needs identified by the peacebuilders included gender roles/identity and decision-making strategies. Many stories of conflict also indicated that spousal equality in dealing with financial management could prove useful.
3.2.3 Parenting that Nurtures, Protects and Guides Empathetic listening skills in particular impacted one family, changing how the parents responded to their daughter's mistakes. The parents chose to encourage their daughter for her efforts instead of scolding and blaming her for her failures. This change in behavior enabled the parents to better "nurture, protect, and guide" their child.
“One of my daughters was being scolded and blamed everyday by my wife and the rest of my family for her repeated mistakes. However, I could see this method to correct her was not the right way; I saw no improvement at all. I told them not to scold her but we should try to understand and find out what was the reason behind her mistakes. I explained to them all about the situation she would find and how hard she worked for the family. They gradually changed the way of thinking towards her and she was being encouraged on and on. This is a good example of practicing the lesson from CCMT.”
Another case reflected that the CCMT lessons on avoidance encouraged him in his previous conviction to allow time and space for strong emotions to calm down, thus allowing the children to experience nurture and protection in the home rather than fear due to parental conflicts.
“Since I was a child, I talked to myself never to behave over the children as my parents did. That's why while I argued with my wife; I never let my children know. I pretended to go to the farm or did something else to overcome it."
Similar stories were included in the 2009 evaluation. One father spoke about how he was transformed: in the past, he would have responded with violence (“hitting”) but now he responded by listening.
#8 My 5-year old son killed a baby chick and hid it under a bowl. When my wife came home she found it and was furious- yelling and screaming and wanting to
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 35 know who had killed it. Of course none of the children wanted to admit it because they feared getting beaten. A few hours later my young son came to find me and said, “Pa, there is something I want to tell you but please don’t tell Ma.” I knew what he was going to say but I just waited and said, “What is it?” “I killed the chick. I was just playing with it and I don’t know why but it just died. Please don’t tell.” In the past I would have punished him by hitting him or bringing him right to his mother for punishment but that time, I thanked him for telling the truth and told him that he wouldn’t be beaten and that I’d need to tell his mom but would wait until later when I was sure she would be less angry and I would also tell her how sad he was and how fearful he was to tell her the truth. “In the future,” I asked, “will you play roughly with a baby chick?” “No,” he replied. And when I asked why and he said because he didn’t want his mother to hit him, I said to him, “No, let the reason for not playing too roughly be that you have to be gentler, not that you may get in trouble for doing something wrong.”
These changes are even more significant when one considers that CCMT does not directly teach on any aspects of parenting.
3.2.4 Respect for Differences & Needs “Respect for individual differences and needs” was also promoted by CCMT KASH. Once again, empathetic listening skills were indicated as key. Listening could help to uncover common interests and values beneath the differences.
“I believe that if each couple is aware of [empathetic listening skills] and performs them well, they will hardly have the conflict among them. Importantly, they might be able to see the values of one another more clearly.” “...empathetic listening and emotional control are really important to the situation of my family conflict. It helps me think more deeply to find out what is the reason behind [my spouse's attitude].”
In Curran’s evaluation, one peacebuilder shared a story of how his frustration at experiencing differences with his wife was now balanced with an awareness of and respect for his wife’s identity.
#32. This story has to do with my wife. I was recently trying to come up with $100 in order to buy a new motorbike. I had a gold ring and was thinking of borrowing money and putting ring as collateral but was hesitant. I spoke with my wife and
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 36 asked her if I could borrow the money from her and she wanted a guarantee that I’d pay it back and so I gave her the ring and she gave him the money. It went fine – I got the money and got the bike. Shortly thereafter, I was invited to a wedding and wanted to wear the ring so I asked my wife if I could borrow the ring back to wear to the wedding. She refused, saying that if I didn’t pay her back the money, she wouldn’t let me wear the ring. I was very frustrated: “How come this is our family, you are my wife and why can’t you understand the situation and just let me wear it.” Yes, the frustration was still there but the difference between now and before the course is that I am now able to acknowledge that this is just how she is- this is her identity and everyone has a different identity and we should respect this even if we don’t agree. What I need to do is to figure out the best way to live with this person whom I love despite her imperfection. Like the person who has one eye- just have to accept that this is the way it is- no sense thinking about having 2 eyes.
Another story also highlighted the importance of the CCMT lesson on identity in empowering families to respond to differences with respect and compassion.
#33. My niece also is quick to anger. Once recently I locked the doors of the church school without remembering that she needed to get in there to do her job- tidying up and preparing for the group coming to use the room later. She got furious because someone had locked the door and was yelling for everyone to hear and when I came back I apologized for locking the door and showed her where the key was kept. This didn’t seem to help in making her any less angry. The good thing was that I remembered to be respectful even though I wish she hadn’t reacted so strongly and again, I just accepted her despite her anger. People not only have different identities, they also from different perspectives. We can’t assume we have the same understanding towards the same issue. This is always true.
3.2.5 Trust & Stability “Trust, supported by predictability and stability in family interactions” seemed to be an area in need of further skills/attitudes support. While cases suggested that trust was important, trust was at times undermined by common cultural perceptions of gender roles/stereotypes (e.g. who manages the money; cultural stereotypes of men taking mistresses). The Rapid Assessment Survey also indicated lack of trust as a common difficulty and cause of family conflict (e.g., 66% indicated a lack of trust/respect between partners). Focus group discussion reflected that interviews indicated a need for instruction/discussion on how to build wholeness and trust between spouses. Participant
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 37 peacebuilders did have some suggestions:
“Building trust to each other is very important. Telling the true reason to her builds her trust in me and so we would not have the problem again in the future.”
One case suggested mutual understanding (including understanding of emotions and needs) as important to building trust and preventing escalation of conflicts. All cases expressed that empathetic listening was an important skill to encourage understanding. In addition, emotional regulation skills were regarded as useful for enabling peacebuilders to listen empathetically.
3.2.6 Flexibility “Flexibility in adapting to both internal and external demands of life” was reportedly enhanced through CCMT KASH regarding emotional regulation, problem identification and analysis, forgiveness (of self and other), and a Judeo-Christian theology of peace. The men in particular seemed to be strongly influenced by the latter lesson. One case commented:
“Before taking the CCMT course, I had no way to solve the problem. If I had an argument with someone I might not talk to her or him and perhaps stop having a relationship with them at all.”
This peacebuilder also shared that before CCMT training, they tended to talk about conflicts to other people, but not address them with the party the conflict was actually with. After CCMT training, this person felt they possessed skills to help deal with the conflict directly with the person it was with (including intra-family conflicts). Empathetic listening and emotional regulation skills were also considered empowering for this transformation. Additionally, two cases identified awareness of pre-judgments (their pre-judgments of their spouse, as well as their spouse’s pre-judgments of them) as a key skill. It is worth noting at this point that one of the “external demands of life” mentioned by multiple cases was relationships with neighbors and extended family. When these relationships tended toward criticism, gossip, or neighbors bickering with their own spouses, it created strain on the marital relationships of the interviewed peacebuilders and could become a source of conflict.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 38 “I believe that some of family conflict results from the external environment. For example, when we live next to the neighbor who always fight and argue, we gradually imitate it.” “The modern society sometimes affects the way we are. This causes conflict as well.”
3.2.7 Open Communication “Understanding and open communication between family members,” was enhanced in one family in particular, evidenced in the parents' interactions with their daughter. In this family, the attending spouse was able to pass on learned skills of empathetic listening and problem identification to the non-attending spouse. Some peacebuilders, however, struggle with applying CCMT KASH when only one spouse has actually attended the CCMT courses, as evidenced by two of the cases who were actively applying CCMT skills at work while applying them in a much more limited way at home. Still, even those cases felt that the course had helped them in their family conflicts, albeit in a more limited fashion than their work situations. Empathetic listening and emotional regulation skills were once again suggested as crucial at this point.
“From my opinion, all the lessons I found in CCMT are useful and it should be used effectively in different cases. And perhaps my family conflict is a petty one; we can't see it working effectively. I used only empathy listening skill and emotional control with my family situation. Obviously, I used KASH most with my daily practice of work.”
One peacebuilder indicated that the spouse's health (physical and emotional) could be a drawback to open communication:
“This response cannot apply for the situation when our partner is a sick person and weak, so that [he/she] can easily get sick if we made [him/her] angry.”
Two stories of significant change particularly demonstrated the potential for CCMT KASH to transform family communication patterns.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 39 #2 I know a couple who was fighting a lot and they were to the point of dividing up their children and divorcing. One of our staff sat them down and made it a rule that they had to listen until the other was completely done speaking and that only afterwards they could ask questions. The husband spoke for a very long time and the wife finally asked some very good questions that made him stop and think about her feelings. She did the same, spoke about all her pain and then he asked her some questions. This was the first time they’d ever done something like this and really tried to listen to each other and understand how the other was feeling and how their words and actions affected the other. Our staff was very glad to be a part of providing this kind of support.
#26. I have a good marriage but because of PEACE BRIDGES it is now better. My wife was often frustrated because it didn’t feel to her that I listened when she was speaking. I remember once she took my face in her hands, looked into my eyes, and said, “LISTEN TO ME!!!” Before I just thought…oh that’s just the way she is…but I realize that she right and that I could show her I’m focused when she’s trying to tell me something. I admitted for the first time that I didn’t listen as much as she needed me to and that this hurt her. Before I hadn’t thought about how my behavior hurt her and knowing that, because I love her and don’t want to hurt her, I’ve changed.
Further training needs that were identified for understanding and open communication were: more work with empathetic listening to understand the other's view and values; the role of gossip in escalating or provoking conflict; and parenting issues (such as listening to your children to foster family intimacy).
“Perhaps we are not good listeners to the children. They rarely come to us and discuss their issues. Instead they go and tell their friends. I can see we haven't provided enough family intimacy, that's why our children run out to the others when they have a problem rather than coming to us. We sometimes blame each other for this reason.”
3.2.8 Problem-Solving & Conflict Resolution There was a very strong connection between CCMT KASH and “effective problemsolving strategies allowing for conflict resolution.” Peacebuilders noted several lessons that promoted these skills: understanding, communication and active listening skills;
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 40 anger management (including “avoidance” as an acceptable strategy – taking time off to cool down before confronting a problem); emotional regulation or rational emotive therapy; problem analysis; forgiveness; and a Judeo-Christian theology of peace. All four peacebuilders reported that CCMT KASH enhanced their abilities to solve problems peacefully.
“Being quiet not to respond harshly while the conflict arose was the effective way to solve my problem. It gave me time to consider the reason and helped me calm down as well. It released my anger and helped me speak out consciously.” “Understanding and being tolerant toward each other is really important among the husband and wife communication. To fight for being a winner is not working to improve the relationship among them.” “I remembered about the Khmer proverb which stated “Time is the medicine.” So the response I took is avoiding to release the hot feelings. [Avoiding is] a good practice which helps to prevent conflicts. I can have time to think how to talk to [my spouse] so [s/he] can understand my purpose." “...I always find a quiet place to be alone and try to calm down.” “Conflict analysis tools which I used helped release the anger by taking away from the problems for a while... It enhances me to prevent the serious problem." “...we obviously will not really want to make any reconciliation if we are under strong emotions.” “Fighting to win is not a good way to deal with the conflict, but discussing and reconciling is...” “He...speaks aloud and cries at us....I am very angry with him, but as I try to put myself under empathetic listening and forgiveness, I could see his weakness and try to understand more about him.” “We better forgive ourselves so that we can gradually forgive others.” “I used to assume..., but now I've changed the way of thinking...to look at the problem tree...to find out the reason and help...find the solution to the problem.”
Two stories of significant change also demonstrated how peacebuilders became better
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 41 equipped to resolve conflict. In the first, a husband was able to control his strong reactions long enough to handle the problem in a peaceful way that actually deepened his connection with his wife.
#15. One day we went out for breakfast with a few friends and afterwards, my wife wanted to go into the market with a few of them and left me with our baby daughter. It seemed that the minute my wife was out of sight, our baby started screaming and there was nothing I could do to comfort her. I tried and tried and after about 20 minutes I tried to phone my wife and she did not answer. When she finally came back it was nearly an hour later and I was furious. I told her quietly but very clearly, “We are going to talk about this when we get home.” We sat in silence in the tuk tuk and when we got home I went to my room and she went to nurse our baby and put her to sleep. As I sat there I was going through all the harsh things I was going to say to her…about this and also about all the other things that bother me about her… but then I remembered something from the course… I wonder why she took so long in the market. Could she possibly have a reason for being away so long? A little while later she came in rather sheepishly and said, “We should talk, right?” ready for me to start screaming at her. Instead, much to her obvious amazement, I calmly asked her, “What took you so long in the market? And why didn’t you answer the phone when I called you.” Her answer was simple, she had heard that one could get a second-hand baby carrier at the market and 2 sellers sent her to different parts of the market where she might find one (hmmm…I thought to myself, she was also thinking about the wellbeing of our baby!). And regarding the phone, a vendor told her that the previous day, someone in the market had her phone stolen so it was important to put it deep into ones bag or pocket so that, coupled with the noise of the market, made it impossible for her to hear it. I heard her side of the story and was very much aware that she had done nothing wrong. She agreed with me that an hour was too long to be away from our baby and won’t do that again but that whole situation and the way we talked about it was very good for our marriage.
In a third party role, another peacebuilder was able to help a mother reconcile a serious conflict between father and son.
#19. I notice that now that I have these new skills from the Peace Bridges training, that people in my village seek me out to help them solve their problems, not the village chief, me! There was one couple recently who was having lots of problems with their teenage son. At first he was skipping school and then gambling and the final “straw” (something that seems quite minor which proves too much to tolerate) was when he sold the father’s warm coat to pay off a gambling debt. A loud alteration resulted in the son leaving home and going to stay at his grandmother’s
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 42 house. The mother, distraught, came to see me to ask for advice on how to repair the relationship with the son. My advice to her was to recognize that anger exists but to be careful not to give it too much ability to control us. I said go and visit the son regularly at the grandmother’s, with no agenda other than letting him know that you have not forgotten him and that you love him, and so that you know that he is still there and safe. The mother did this a few times and then finally the son was ready to explain to her his anxiety over not being a good student and the pressures he felt from his father who was constantly criticizing him. The mother then went back to her husband and described the son’s frustration. She then returned to the son and explained that because the son was his oldest, he wanted him to be the best that he could be. Upon hearing this, the son returned home.
As mentioned above, avoidance to allow time to calm down was a useful strategy in many conflict situations. However, some interview answers also indicated that avoidance may be negatively implemented as a method of overlooking problems in order to maintain a superficial peace, without actually finding a mutually satisfying solution to the problem. Cases also indicated a need for further role-play practice during training sessions in order to enhance the formation of healthy habits for problem-solving/conflict situations.
3.2.9 Shared Life Values All cases maintained that they and their spouses held “shared life values” as part of their commitment to the Christian religion. One participant indicated a need for training opportunities for young couples approaching marriage to learn both conflict resolution strategies and “the purpose of marriage.” There is ample room for more investigation of “shared life values,” perhaps relating strongly to the CCMT lesson on identity.
3.2.10 Social Support Systems Because chronic family violence typically includes social isolation, “networking with larger social circles (relatives, friends, community, other social systems)” is especially important for “providing resources for both physical and psycho-social support.” However, cases indicated that while they were part of larger social circles that could (and at times did) provide needed support, these relationships were not always positive and supportive. Neighbors sometimes criticized (even to the point of predicting eventual marital failure/divorce), and neighborhood gossip about the family could initiate/escalate conflict situations. Additionally, in one family, relatives intervened to prevent divorce without also providing resources to help solve the conflicts/tensions that
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 43 were fueling the desire for one.
“Sometimes, I chose to divorce...but our elderly relatives always helped with the intervention and encouraged us not to get divorced.” “After being married, there were many criticisms from our neighborhood; they said we would not keep our marriage relationship for long and that we might get divorced someday because we were from a different family status.” “... [My spouse] is always complaining and telling our neighbors about our problem. It doesn't help at all and sometimes it doubles our problem. I often argue with [my spouse] for this reason.”
Focus groups also discussed the potential strain on Christian families due to cultural differences between common male bonding over alcohol and the Cambodian Christian churches' anti-drinking stance. Additionally, one peacebuilder reported a lack of resources available to rural people, including basic understandings of domestic violence. The reported experiences and pressures could indicate a need to address how to find/foster supportive extra-familial relationships, as well as coping strategies for families to deal with extra-familial discouragement and criticism. One focus group discussion suggested having family mentors to help address these needs. Additionally, lessons specifically on interactions with mother-in-laws were suggested.
Part 4: Conclusions & Recommendations The following program implications are organized around the 2005 Baseline Survey's recommendations of developing family violence programs that: engage common Cambodian values and attitudes, include men, are sensitive to the emphasis put on keeping families together, and that offer a more creative and wider range of options for families to use in building healthy habits.
4.1 Engaging Values and Attitudes Even though it was not designed specifically for families, CCMT KASH showed a great success in impacting attitudes related to family life. This strength should be explored and developed for the Peaceful Families Program (PFP) KASH, including looking for ways to help existing programs integrate lessons that transform attitudes. Similarly, PFP KASH should include learning tasks that encourage participants to explore key values and attitudes relevant to family conflict and violence but that were not included in CCMT. 1.
PFP KASH should have strong continuity with CCMT KASH but with specific application to the family context.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 44
2.
Lessons from CCMT KASH that were identified as relating to engaging values and attitudes include: a Judeo-Christian theology of peace, Power & Control, and Identity. However, the value of empathetic listening also appeared to be transformative of several key attitudes related to equality, respect, and use of power. CCMT lessons should be reviewed to identify what values and attitudes are assumed and how the lessons teach those values to participants so that the methodology can be replicated.
3.
Gender roles and stereotypes should be specifically addressed in PFP KASH, but the topic should be approached in a nonjudgmental, exploratory fashion. For example, participants could be encouraged to consider: What gender stereotypes do they believe? How do those stereotypes influence family life and conflict? What needs are they trying to meet by conforming to or rejecting gender stereotypes?27 The CCMT lesson most related to gender is Identity.
4.
Gender is also closely related to issues of Power & Control. PFP KASH should help participants cultivate deeper understandings of power, especially positive models of power and how they apply to family life. What kind of power does a wife/mother have? A father? A child? A mother-in-law? And how can these be used in ways besides ‘power over’?
5.
Trust was also identified as a key element in family conflict and violence and is related to the attitudes and experiences of Cambodian families. PFP KASH should include an awareness of how trust and mistrust impact family conflict, sources of trust and mistrust, recognition of functional and dysfunctional mistrust (especially when families have suffered violence), and how families build trusting relationships.
6.
Engaging values and attitudes should not be at the expense of cultivating knowledge and skills. In the family context, cases had a high understanding of CCMT Knowledge and Attitudes but a lower application of Skills (e.g., cases understood empathy but struggled to communicate empathy during role plays). Participants need more role play opportunities to practice skills, including switching from third party positions in role plays to the role of a conflicting party.
4.2 Including Men, Women, and Children While it is often not practical for training and services to be provided to multigenerational participants, training and services can be provided with an awareness of the needs of everyone in the family. PFP KASH should explore ways to encourage transformation for whole families, and not just participants who are able to attend 27
As noted by Ketchum & Ketchum (2008), "Khmer gender ideals can be used in a variety of situations to justify new patterns of behavior.” (35-36) See also Judy Ledgerwood, Women in Cambodian Society. Available online at: http://seasite.niu.edu/khmer/Ledgerwood/women.htm).
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 45 training. How can participants be equipped and encouraged to share KASH with their families and communities in transformative ways? 1.
A consistent limitation is that only one family member has learned the KASH, and this limitation seems to be especially strong when the male head of household has not learned the KASH. Future programming and mobilization should consider ways for multiple family members, especially men, to learn and practice Peaceful Families KASH.
2.
The social/political structure suggests that educating village chiefs and members of commune councils regarding family-related KASH for dealing with conflicts/violence could be highly beneficial.
3.
Creativity and study that helps design activities and homework that includes working with material with family members should be encouraged.
4.
Peace Bridges should also explore creative ways for multiple family members to receive training and support, especially for attitudes and skills relevant to understanding and empathy. Options may include: both spouses receive full training; offering shorter, intensive training on key topics; participants have homework that helps them develop new family habits.
5.
Because children are typically overlooked, KASH related to parenting/nurturing children could also be a very fruitful way to transform family relationships.
4.3 Keeping the Family Together The social and cultural value of keeping a family together, even at great cost, is both a strength and a weakness. The great value is the motivation and commitment that families may bring to transforming family conflict, provided they have the willingness to acknowledge the issues. The great risk is that families will tolerate destructive patterns in the family relationships. These values and risks also apply to interventions by third parties, including peacebuilders and local authorities. 1.
It may be common for families and third parties to fail to understand basic concepts of family violence or the reconciliation process. PFP KASH should include helping participants look deeply at their own family habits of reconciliation, as well as construct culturally appropriate models of family reconciliation that honors everyone involved, protects basic rights, and is founded on a solid understanding of family violence issues.
The case studies also illustrated situations in which the CCMT KASH had limited effect. These complicated family dynamics are ones that many peacebuilders will interact with, if not in their own families then in other families in their communities, and therefore bear mentioning.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 46
2.
Chronic abusive situations, including those in which relatives or other influential people encourage continuation of the marriage. While several aspects of the CCMT KASH are relevant to therapeutic interventions for the abusive personality (e.g., cognitive therapies), peacebuilders do not get extensive training in these therapies or their specific application to family violence. NOTE: this limitation could be potentially overcome through increased experience, expertise, and special training over the long-term.
3.
Addictions within the family (alcohol, drug, etc). Problem identification can become much more difficult for persons with a family member who maintains an addiction, especially if the person will not admit it.
4.
Tendencies for attempts at understanding/empathetic listening to be only onesided (used by only one spouse, so that the KASH are not effective in allowing all family members to get their needs met), as well as forgiveness as an excuse to overlook recurring problems.
5.
Trauma, given the prevalence of state-sponsored violence in the past and family violence in the present, will frequently be a factor in family conflict and violence.
6.
Building on the value that healthy families ask for help when they need it, PFP lessons should cultivate knowledge and attitudes about these limitations, as well as help peacebuilders create networks and referral systems.
4.4 Enlarging the Possibilities While PFP KASH will likely have positive impacts as a stand-alone program, Peace Bridges' network of community peacebuilders provides the opportunity to extend impacts through integration into other programs addressing family conflict and violence. Peace Bridges should work strategically to identify key partners to equip and mobilize. This includes working with community-based help structures whenever possible. 1.
All four cases illustrate both the need and the importance of community based help structures in promoting and sustaining peaceful families. Strategic partnerships should be sought with NGOs, churches, local leaders, family mentors, specific villages, and other community institutions. Both new programming and integration of Peaceful Families KASH into existing programming should be considered.
2.
PFP lessons should include options generation to help peacebuilders and Peace Bridges see new and creative ways to increase the possibilities for families to receive PFP KASH. This type of integration could also help overcome the limitations listed in section 4.3 (e.g., chronic abuse, addictions, and trauma).
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 47 3.
Acknowledging that religious ideas and institutions often have a significant function in Cambodian families, more attention should be given to how religious community-based help structures can support healthy family systems.
4.
However, the ambiguous nature of religious beliefs and institutions call for more investigation into important questions about: What religious content regarding family life is being taught? How can religious belief be used to support healthy family systems? How open are religious communities to content from other settings (e.g., other Cambodian cultural resources or insights from psychosocial researchers and clinicians)?
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 48
Bibliography Baxter, Pamela and Jack, Susan. (2008, December) "Qualitative Case Study Methodology: Study Design and Implementation for Novice Researchers." The Qualitative Report 13:4, 544-559. Available online at: http://www.nova.edu/ssss/QR/QR13-4/baxter.pdf Blumberg, Rae Lesser (1984). “A General Theory of Gender Stratification,” Sociological Theory 2, 23-101. CAMBOW (2007). Violence Against Women: How Cambodian Laws Discriminate Against Women. LICADHO: Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Available online at: http://www.licadho.org/reports.php?perm=112 Cecil, Catherine et al (2005). Violence Against Women – A Baseline Survey (MOWA: Phnom Penh, Cambodia). Duvvury & Knoess (2005). Gender Based Violence and HIV/AIDS in Cambodia: Links, Opportunities and Potential Responses. Eschborn, Germany: Deutsche Gesellschaft für Technische Zusammenarbeit (GTZ) GmbH. Available online at: http://www2.gtz.de/dokumente/bib/05-0492.pdf Fordham, Graham (2005). “Wise” Before Their Time: Young Pople, GenderBased Violence and Pornography in Kandal Stung District. Phnom Penh, Cambodia: World Vision Cambodia. Available online at: http://www.worldvision.org.kh/pdf/RGBV_Report.pdf Heise, Lori, Ellsberg, Mary, Goettemoeller, Megan, et al (1999). “Population Reports: Ending Violence Against Women.” Issues in World Health volume XXVII, 4. December 1999. Series L, #11. Population Information Program, Center for Communication Programs, Hinton, Alex (2001). "Begrudgement, Reconciliation, and the Khmer Rouge". Searching for the truth (Khmer version) August, Number 20, 2001. A Magazine of the Documentation Center of Cambodia. Johnson, Michael P. (2006, November). A “general” theory of intimate partner violence: A working paper. Paper presented at the Theory Construction and Research Methodology Pre-Conference Workshop, National Council on Family Relations annual meeting. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Available online at: http://www.personal.psu.edu/mpj/2006%20TCRM.doc Ketchum, David and Holly Ketchum (2008). Understanding Family Violence in Cambodia: A Background Study (Phnom Penh: Peace Bridges). Available at: http://sites.google.com/site/peacebridgesresources/Home/UnderstandingFamilyViolence
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 49 August2008.pdf?attredirects=0 Kelly, Joan B. and Michael P. Johnson. (2008). Differentiation among types of intimate partner violence: Research update and implications for interventions. Family Court Review 46 (3), 476-499. Available online at: http://www.personal.psu.edu/mpj/2008%20FCR%20Kelly%20and%20Johnson.pdf Krysan, Moore, & Zill (1990). Identifying Successful Families: An Overview of Constructs and Selected Measures. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Child Trends, Inc. Available online at: LICADHO (2007). Violence against women in Cambodia: 2006. LICADHO: Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Available online at: http://www.licadho.org/reports/files/105LICADHOReportViolenceWoman2006.pdf Lim, Jo-Ann (2006). Violence Against Women in Cambodia: 2005. Phnom Penh, Cambodia: LICADHO. Available online at: http://www.licadho.org/reports.php?perm=105 Miles, Glenn and Varin, Sun. (2005) Stop Violence Against Us! Summary Report. Phnom Penh, Cambodia: Tearfund – Children at Risk office. Available online at: http://www.crin.org/docs/rdr.pdf Nelson & Zimmerman (1996). Household Survey on Domestic Violence in Cambodia. Phnom Penh, Cambodia: Ministry of Women’s Affairs and Project Against Domestic Violence. Peterson, Gayle (1996-2003). Tip sheet: Ten Processes (Qualities) that Support Healthy Family Relationships (excerpted from Making Healthy Families. Shadow and Light Publishers). Available online at: http://www.askdrgayle.com/seminar_j.htm Saguy, T., Tausch, N., Dovidio, J. and Pratto, F. (2009) “The Irony of Harmony: Intergroup Contact Can Produce False Expectations for Equality." Psychological Science 20:1, 114-121. Online publication date: 1-Feb-2009. Tellis, Winston. (1997, July). "Introduction to Case Study." The Qualitative Report. 3:2. Available at: http://www.nova.edu/ssss/QR/QR3-2/tellis1.html Tellis. Winston. (1997, September). "Application of a case study methodology." The Qualitative Report, 3:3. Available at: http://www.nova.edu/ssss/QR/QR33/tellis2.html Tsang, J. and Stanford, M. (2006) Forgiveness for intimate partner violence: The influence of victim and offender variables, Personality and Individual Differences, 42, 653-664 Retrieved 12 January 2008 from: http://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/35618.pdf
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About Peace Bridges Peace Bridges was formed in response to the recommendations of the Evangelical Fellowship of Cambodia’s Task Force on Peace and Conflict. Originally conceived to help pastors and churches provide mediation and conciliation services, Peace Bridges’ vision has deepened and expanded over the last six years. We have now provided longterm training and partnership/mobilization services to over 100 community peacebuilders. Our partnership projects include peace education in prisons, schools, churches, NGOs, and other community organizations. Partnership with Peace Bridges is a commitment that extends from: 1) identification of partners and relationship-building for mutual trust and benefit; 2) selection and training of key peacebuilders from partner organizations, including commitment by partners to peace programming; 3) mobilization and continued support from Peace Bridges’ staff to help tailor peace programs to partner-specific contexts and provide resources and cotrainers.
Peaceful Families Program Since August 2008, Peace Bridges has been building staff capacity and exploring appropriate ways for Peace Bridges to address these needs. A pilot program will be conducted January – June 2010 that is focused on developing family reconciliation resources appropriate for Cambodia. It is anticipated that this training will become an ongoing course, offered annually, providing specialized training for graduates of Peace Bridges’ foundational peace training. This program will include: 6 units (3.5 days per unit) of training A focus on skills and issues relevant to family reconciliation A design that follows a general model of reconciliation (see the figure for unit topics) Because reconciliation is rarely a linear or sequential event, each unit is focused on a particular part of the process and the relevant knowledge, attitudes, skills and habits needed to support families. Unit 6 will be an extended (5 day) unit that includes training in Planning, Monitoring & Evaluation of peace programming. As in our other programming, Peace Bridges staff will then support graduates in developing and implementing family peace education training and services in their own circles of influence, as well as continue to build staff capacity (relevant to family conflict/violence) and partnerships.
Transforming Family Conflict, PAGE 52 Future program directions may include: men's support groups, women's support groups, premarital counseling training, and family mediation training.
** For more information, please contact Peace Bridges, Or refer to the Project Proposal and other documentation. Available online at: http://peacebridges.blogspot.com **
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Peace Bridges provides training and services to community peacebuilders to engage conflict in constructive and creative ways.
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For more information, please contact: #73 Street 608 Toul Kork * Phnom Penh * P.O Box 1523 * office: 023 880 100 * e-mail:
[email protected] * http://peacebridges.blogspot.com/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THANKS: We would like to offer thanks to the community peacebuilders and Peace Bridges staff who participated in the case study research, with the hope of a peaceful future for all our families. Ethics & Confidentiality: Community peacebuilders who participated in the case study research are not named in the summary or full report and are not shown in photographs. Quotations in the body of the report do not reveal personal details.
