The piano has been drinking (not me)... Tom Waits

Uhm... Okay... I'm standing wrongfooted in the doorway. Then I remember that we are Good Little Entertainers and I step into the room, and shut the door and set the locks. Then I look at Giovanni and I marvel at him: “You're drunk.” “Yeah,” he says cheerfully. “Just tipsy.” But that's what's weird. You hate being tipsy. I look around fast. Ask: “Did someone hit you with a tranq dart-?” He laughs. “Nope.” I'm still concerned but I don't hear anyone and McCulloch would've used bullets. I shudder. Gio sees this and grabs my shoulder. “Hey, c'mon. It's OK. I was just having a friendly chat with James, we had some fried chicken and a few beers.” O My God. I grab his shoulder and demand, “Is he OK?!” He laughs at me. “Relax. He's fine. How're the kids?” “Oh, they're fine.” He studies me and then grins. “You had a wine and cheese party. But you drank all the wine.” “It's been an emotional morning.” I sigh. “Even, I expect, for you. Not that you'll ever admit that.” He gives me one of his Tom Sawyer smiles. I have to admit it's a little wide and too cheerful because he is tipsy ...and it totally works.

I have to smile, and I shake my head. “And you know I won't give you the third degree while we're both tipsy.” Sometimes it bothers me how he plays the victim card. He's really good at it. Subtle. Comes from being the underdog in so many fights. He just stayed in that one fight so he could save me. “So c'mon,” he slurs cordially, “Let's go hit the couch and watch some silly movies.” “Okay,” I agree. I did have one glass of wine too many. He kisses me, beer-and-chicken kiss, and then wanders into the kitchen. I flop down on the couch. He's gonna need to pee before I am. Of course, with him lying on top of me, I'm sure to hear from my kidneys soon. I don't care. He comes back toting a pitcher of lemonade and a platter of grapes and cheeses. Puts it down with a flourish that's a little overstated even for him. He is tipsy. He crouches down and slips a Blu*Ray into the player. “C'mere, you,” I summon him, opening my arms wide. He grabs the remote and sprawls out on top of me. I tangle up with him and he smooches me and then hits the remote and tracks up Mystery Men. I start to cackle and I'm not sorry. Not one bit.