Literacy Memoir Second Draft + Reflection by Tanner Detlef

WORD COUNT

2023

TIME SUBMITTED

02-OCT-2013 01:46PM

CHARACTER COUNT

8979

PAPER ID

357956738

Literacy Memoir Second Draft + Reflection GRADEMARK REPORT FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

97

Instructor

/100

PAGE 1 PAGE 2

QM

strong details and specifics

PAGE 3

Comment 1

yes!

PAGE 4

Comment 2

this might be one of those places you mentioned where you weren't sure if the full "connection" was coming across to readers-- between the last two sentences of the first par. Here's my question: was your brother's new computer one of the "other places" you looked for inspiration? The last sentence seems a bit disjointed, so maybe if you just change it up a little to: "I didn't have many people to influence me outside of my parents, but all that was about to change..." OR ""...so naturally, I looked for other sources of inspiration, and when I was 11 years old, my brother (give his name?) got a WXP desktop, providing a new ... " etc. Essentially, just show how the two connect.

Comment 3

could you delete "with that being said" ? I dont think you need it.

Comment 4 like what? can you give examples? PAGE 5

Comment 5

this is a place to add more connecting material, such as: what is Runescape like?

what do you mean by "important figures?" which random people? (real or virtual?) You might have to explain how gaming works a little bit first. Then maybe a new paragraph talking just about the language factor, and giving more detail there as well. What do you mean "barrier of literacy"?

Comment 6

i think you could take this phrase out

Comment 7

this is a good place to add more specific detail, and to add in some more narrative techniques. share names, a conversation, the words you're talking about, etc. PAGE 6

Comment 8 QM

specificity

QM

specificity

better off in what ways/

this is a good place to answer "like what?" or "how, specifically?" or to give more concrete detail to support your claim/idea. this is a good place to answer "like what?" or "how, specifically?" or to give more concrete detail to support your claim/idea. Additional Comment what literary traits, specifically?

PAGE 7

Comment 9

I like that you conclude by talking about what's happening here and now and how the past literacy developments are continuing to affect your current life.

RUBRIC: LM D2 & REFLECTION

97 / 100

REFLECTION A

25 / 25

content AWESOME (25)

talks about everything you're supposed to talk about-- "describes, reflects, and analyzes the process of writing the LM," aka "what I learned and how I learned it" through writing the LM. Also includes mention of specific areas for which the writer would like instructor feedback.

PRETTY GOOD SO FAR (22)

talks about most of the stuff you're supposed to to talk about..." but there's room for more.

IT'S GETTIN' THERE (10)

talks about some of the things required, and/or may have too much "describe" and not enough "reflect" and "analyze"

EXTENSIVE REVISION doesn't address the appropriate topics, and/or all description, with no analysis or reflection. NEEDED (5)

REFLECTION B

25 / 25

style AWESOME (25)

uses specific, detailed language, uses concrete evidence from the writing and learning process to support "what I learned and how I learned it" claims

PRETTY GOOD SO FAR (22)

uses some specific, detailed language and concrete evidence, but would benefit from more of this

IT'S GETTIN' THERE (10)

occasionally brings in concrete evidence or specific details, but not quite enough to show the full "picture" of the LM process

EXTENSIVE REVISION mostly vague or broad claims of learning with little to no concrete evidence, few specific NEEDED details of the process. (5)

GOALS/TOPIC

20 / 20

AWESOME (20)

Memoir meets the goals of the assignment-- "to connect how your own reading and writing and learning practices influence the ways you understand and interact with the world, as well as the ways you identify as a reader, writer, and learner." Describes, analyzes, and reflects on literacy experiences and how they have shaped you.

PRETTY GOOD SO FAR (15)

Is mostly related to the goal of the assignment, but could use some refinement, reemphasis, or further development.

IT'S GETTIN' THERE (10)

Memoir is somewhat related to the topic, but doesn't fully explore/develop the full scope of the prompt. Essay may be mostly description or narration, with little analysis or reflection.

EXTENSIVE REVISION essay really doesn't connect to the assignment. NEEDED (3)

NARRATIVE

12 / 15

AWESOME (15)

essay fully develops multiple characteristics of a narrative, esp. as explained in the assigned textbook chapter-- tells a story, makes a point, observes details closely, has a well-paced "plot," uses descriptive and precise language, etc.

PRETTY GOOD SO FAR (12)

essay has some well-developed characteristics of a narrative, but perhaps needs a bit more in one area or another to fully bring the story to life.

IT'S GETTIN' THERE (7)

essay incorporates occasional uses of narrative techniques, but inconsistently and/or insufficiently; a good start, but underdeveloped

EXTENSIVE REVISION essay doesn't tell a story, or use narrative techniques, in a consistent and clear way. NEEDED (2)

ORGANIZATION

10 / 10

AWESOME (10)

essay is clearly and consistently organized, perhaps using one of the four suggested organizational schemes.

PRETTY GOOD SO FAR (8)

essay is, for the most part, well organized, and with some revision or "tightening up" will flow more smoothly and/or present its message more clearly.

IT'S GETTIN' THERE (5)

essay hints at an organizational scheme, but seems somewhat "loose" and/or "scattered" in its ideas. Perhaps try an outline and see where you can "tighten" the flow of the essay.

EXTENSIVE REVISION essay shows no attention to organization or purposeful arrangement of ideas. NEEDED (1)

FORMATTING

5/5

AWESOME (5)

All requested formatting details have been met: heading, font, margins, word count/page number, reflection first, etc.

PRETTY GOOD SO FAR (4)

Some of the requested formatting details are still in need of attention, and/or the paper does not meet the required length.

IT'S GETTIN' THERE (2)

Very few of the formatting requirements have been met.

EXTENSIVE REVISION none of the formatting requirements have been met. NEEDED

(0)