STRANGER THINGS 2 (1ST DRAFT) CHAPTER 9: BILLY SAVES THE DAY

Written by Jordan VanDina

WWW.WEEKENDSCRIPTS.COM

COLD OPEN INT. BILLY HARGROVE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT Oh SHIT! There he is, BILLY HARGROVE, the coolest fucking dude to ever be within 1,000 miles of Hawkins. Is he working out biceps with a Goddamn Marlboro Red in his mouth?! You bet your jealous asshole he is. There’s an entire alien army festering under the ground that could kill him, his family and virtually eradicate earth as he knows it but he doesn’t give a shit; it’s time to pump! Billy flexes into the mirror. BILLY Now those are some Stranger Things! Billy winks at himself for about 11 minutes. There’s a KNOCK on the door. Billy?

SUSAN HARGROVE

BILLY I’m a little bit busy in here, Susan... Billy opens up his cologne and pours the entire bottle down his denims. NEIL HARGROVE OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR... Billy’s dad, NEIL, barges into the room and slams him against the wall. NEIL HARGROVE (CONT’D) Where is your sister? BILLY Max is NOT my sister. NEIL HARGROVE Who is she then? BILLY My step-mom’s daughter. NEIL HARGROVE That would make her your step...

2. BILLY SISTER. FUCK! I fall for it every time. Screw off dad, I have a date. Neil re-slams Billy against the wall. NEIL HARGROVE Yeah you do have a date. A date with my fists and you better believe you’ll be home by 5... Neil holds up 5 fingers and turns them into a fist. NEIL HARGROVE (CONT’D) And fast asleep by 10. Neil now holds up all 10 fingers and turns them into 2 fists. Now this is how you parent! BILLY Good one, dad. Neil starts to sniff around. NEIL HARGROVE Did you put cologne down your pants again? What did the Goddamn doctor say about that? BILLY This new stuff is organic. No rashes this time. Neil slams Billy again. NEIL HARGROVE What did we talk about? BILLY Respect and responsibility. NEIL HARGROVE Correct. Now, wash that shit off your sack and go find your sister. BILLY She’s not my... Neil raises his fist to Billy one more time...

3. ACT ONE INT. BILLY’S CAMARO - NIGHT Billy’s Camaro is so fucking sick. You know in Back to the Future how Doc Brown says “Where we’re going we don’t need roads”?? Well Billy always says “fuck that, wherever we’re going we NEED roads baby! So I can break the speed limit by at least 15 MPH!!!!” Seriously he says that all the time. Billy talks to his car and the car talks back just like KITT in Knight Rider. BILLY’S CAMARO Where we going tonight, B-man? Cheryl’s? Debra’s? Cheryl’s THEN Debra’s? BILLY My asshole dad is making me find my sis... I mean Max. He’s making me find Max. BILLY’S CAMARO Bummer. Mind if I stop by Debra’s anyway? She’s got a new Chevrolet in the driveway that’s been giving me the high beams all week. BILLY You’re a weird car, Camaro. BILLY’S CAMARO Yeah... I guess you can say I’m a real HORN dog!!!! The Camaro honks his horn and Billy laughs his ass off. BILLY That never gets old. INT. THE WHEELER’S HOUSE - NIGHT KAREN WHEELER, Nancy’s mom, opens the door in a robe. Hi...

KAREN

Karen is taken aback by Billy’s looks and charm. She thinks to herself this is the kind of dude that bench presses while smoking 12 cigarettes. She’s right.

4. BILLY Hi... I didn’t realize Nancy had a sister. KAREN I’m actually Nancy’s mother. BILLY Wow. You must have had Nancy when you were like 11. KAREN (grossed out) What? BILLY Nothing. You look young is what I’m saying. KAREN Oh... Thanks. Can I help you? BILLY I’m looking for my little sis... She’s not my sister. I MEAN, I’m looking for a little redhead girl named Max. KAREN You want to come in and I can give you directions? BILLY I’ll come in... But I don’t need any directions... Billy gives that Oscar winning fucking smirk. HELL YES. IT’S ON! BILLY AND MRS. WHEELER! They should have called this season Stranger Things 69 cause that’s what’s about to happen! SO SICK!!!! EXT. WHEELER’S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT Billy’s Camaro flashes its lights at the Wheeler’s Volkswagen. BILLY’S CAMARO You come here often...? The Camaro revs it’s engine a little bit.

5. BILLY’S CAMARO (CONT’D) I was skeptical about this town at first but there’s so many great cars here. Billy’s Camaro starts to inch closer. THE VOLKSWAGEN sets off it’s car alarm. BILLY’S CAMARO (CONT’D) WHOA. Easy! I’m just saying hello. MY GOD. DON’T FLATTER YOURSELF, I’m Jewish and you’re made with mostly German parts. That would be a no go with my mother anyway. INT. KAREN WHEELER’S BEDROOM - NIGHT Billy and Karen are nude in bed both smoking a cigarette. KAREN Can I ask you something? BILLY Absolutely. KAREN Did you have cologne down your pants? BILLY You noticed? I had more but my dad made me wash it off. Oh...

KAREN

BILLY I should probably be going, I need to find my... redheaded friend. KAREN I would try the Byers place. It’s a little dark this time of night so drive slow. BILLY Sorry. No can do. I move fast at everything... Even sex. Billy smirks.

6. KAREN Yeah I know, that whole thing from disrobing to right now took like 8 minutes. Wildly disappointing that I cheated on my husband for that. But such is life. Billy keeps smirking. BILLY Can I ask you a question now? Sure.

KAREN

BILLY Remember earlier when I said I don’t need directions. Yes.

KAREN

BILLY That was a lie. I have no idea where the Byers house is. INT. BILLY’S CAMARO - NIGHT The Camaro speeds down the dark roads. Billy doesn’t give a shit. Just TRY to give him a ticket. PLEASE. He literally got up to a green belt in karate before he realized he was teaching the sensei’s more than they were teaching him. BILLY’S CAMARO The cars in this town have a stick up their tailpipes I’ll tell you. BILLY I think I might just like living here. It feels... Safe. Suddenly a pack of DEMODOGS run through the road causing the Camaro to spin out. BILLY (CONT’D) OH SHIT!!!! The car is doing brutal 360’s! Skidding off the road! Billy makes sure to glance in the mirror to see if his hair has stayed perfect. NEWSFLASH: OF COURSE IT FUCKING STAYED PERFECT. The car slams into a tree.

7. BILLY’S CAMARO OUCH. FUCK. BILLY My life... it’s flashing before my eyes. It’s cool as shit... MONTAGE OF BILLY’S LIFE TO THE TUNE OF “SOUND OF SILENCE” BY SIMON AND GARFUNKEL. The montage starts and quickly pauses. BILLY (V.O.) YO, what is this montage music? I’m Billy fucking Hargrove give me some better montage music right now. MONTAGE OF BILLY’S LIFE TO “PARADISE CITY” BY GUNS N’ ROSES. BILLY (V.O.) That’ll do. - Billy as an 8 year old child getting a vaccination at the doctor’s office. The doctor gives him a lollipop but Billy waves him off and lights a cigarette. - Billy and his friends on the schoolyard showing off their tiny temporary tattoos on their wrist. Billy takes off his shirt to reveal a full back temporary tattoo of a dragon blowing fire, 30 girls in bikinis and a motorcycle driving down to Hell. - Billy at his junior prom night opening 6 bottles of cologne and pouring them down his pants one by one. - Billy taking his driver’s ed test in the Camaro, blowing past a red light going 120, jumping it off an overpass, starting a full on police chase, and throwing the instructor’s wig out the window. The instructor gives him a thumbs up and marks off the box that says PASSED. - Woman after woman comes in and out of Billy’s bedroom, he looks happy but maybe deep down he’s not... Maybe deep down he just wants to be a one woman man... Let’s just keep watching and find out. - Present day: Karen Wheeler asking him if he had cologne down his pants. SUDDENLY A RIP IN THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM HAPPENS. A NEW VISION STARTS TO APPEAR. BILLY OLDER. THINGS THAT HAVEN’T HAPPENED YET.

8. BILLY (V.O.) What the Hell? I think I’m seeing my future too. What kind of neardeath experience is this? - Billy, about two weeks older, looks at Max. BILLY I guess I learned something here today, even if we don’t have the same mother. You ARE my sister... and it’s all thanks to you for showing me the way... You made me a one woman man... Thanks BARB. END OF “PARADISE CITY” MONTAGE Billy suddenly shoots himself awake from the steering wheel. BILLY (CONT’D) I’m still here... BILLY’S CAMARO I hope your Triple A card is still here cause my insides are fucked, buddy. Billy notices a BARB MISSING POSTER on the tree he crashed into. BILLY I’ve seen her before. In my dream. They called her... BARB. I must find her.

END OF ACT ONE

9. ACT TWO

INT. THE BYER’S HOUSE - NIGHT STEVE HARRINGTON practices swinging his bat with all the nails in it. DUSTIN Yo, can you stop swinging that around. You are in a small space with like seven children. Take it easy. STEVE HARRINGTON It’s fine. I’m the most athletic dude in Hawkins... Or at least I was... The throaty buzz of the Camaro echoes through the house as STEVE HARRINGTON, DUSTIN, MIKE, LUCAS and MAX run to the window. MAX That’s my brother... He can’t know we are here, he’ll kill us. EXT. THE BYER'S HOUSE - NIGHT The Camaro is shooting up the driveway, getting closer and closer, louder and louder until... the engine pathetically putters out and the car dies about 500 feet from the house. BILLY FUCK! COME ON MAN. How am I going to make a scary entrance from back here? BILLY’S CAMARO Oh sorry, I just recently crashed into a tree going 110 you selfish prick. The kids watch from the window as Billy has to get out of the car and speed walk up to the house. It’s sad really. BILLY (screaming from afar) Am I dreaming or is that you Harrington?

10. STEVE HARRINGTON No it’s me, I’m probably a little hard to see, you parked pretty far away. BILLY Car trouble. They don’t make ‘em like they used to. BILLY’S CAMARO (in the distance) Fuck off. BILLY I’m here looking for my... redheaded friend, MAX. STEVE HARRINGTON Haven’t seen her. Never heard of her. BILLY Oh yeah? Who’s that? Steve turns around and all the kids are right in the window. Like literally sitting right out in the open staring at Billy. I mean these kids solved a sci-fi adventure using only their brains and a few walkie talkies but they can’t figure out that if their faces are in the window they can be seen? Billy knocks Steve to the ground and walks over him. BILLY (CONT’D) I told you to plant your feet. Steve sniffs the air as Billy walks over him. STEVE HARRINGTON Is that cologne on your taint? INT. THE BYER'S HOUSE - NIGHT The kids stare frozen as Billy barges into the house. BILLY You disobeyed me, Max. And when you disobey me... I break stuff... Billy picks up a vase and then stops himself. He looks around the house at all of the drawings of the Upside Down tunnels. BILLY (CONT’D) The Hell is going on in here?

11. STEVE HARRINGTON Nothing Billy, just go home. BILLY Hold on. This isn’t what I think it is, is it? DUSTIN I highly doubt it. Billy looks closer at the pictures. STEVE HARRINGTON What do you think it is? Billy snatches a drawing off the wall. BILLY Oh I don’t know. Off the top of my head I would guess there’s some sort of government cover-up trying to hide a world that is much-like ours only flipped upside down. You kids with your nerd shit are probably the first ones to figure it out and popped the lid off the whole conspiracy about a year back. Only you didn’t actually fix anything. In fact it only got worse... Bubbling under the surface waiting for the perfect time to strike. These drawings I would have to guess are the scribbles of a host-child which map out the underground pathway of the monsters inhabiting our planet. But I really have no clue, why don’t you go ahead and tell me, Harrington? STEVE HARRINGTON Ughhh No... None of what you just said is right. BILLY Oh. Okay. Then I guess i’ll break shit. Billy throws the vase on the ground. MAX BILLY STOP! Billy starts throwing vase after vase on the ground. The house is filled with vases.

12. LUCAS STOP THROWING THOSE VASES. BILLY Awwww. You want me to stop?! Well roses are red, violets are blue, dandelions are yellow, Chrysanthemums are pink and also sometimes yellow... LUCAS Stop saying flower colors! BILLY You want to grow a flower? Well then you need to play in the DIRT. LUCAS Not following at all, man. Billy grabs Lucas and chokes him in the air when suddenly a NEEDLE goes into Billy’s neck. BILLY The Hell? The steroids are supposed to go into my ass you idiot. MAX It’s not steroids. It’s sleep medicine. Nighty Night, Billy. BILLY NO. I’ll never forgive you for this. KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME. Billy runs out of the house and towards his car. Needle still in his neck. INT. BILLY'S CAMARO - NIGHT Billy slumps into the driver’s seat and starts the engine. BILLY’S CAMARO Well, Look who’s back. I’d like a formal apology please. WHOA! Holy shit man, are you okay? BILLY I’m gonna be just fine... Billy’s vision starts to get blurry, he slams on the gas.

13. BILLY’S CAMARO Maybe we should take a chill pill? Maybe a 9 hour nap? Bill? Billy? Bill? I think there’s a Courtyard Marriot around the corner. NOOOOOOOO!!!! Billy crashes into another tree. EXT. THE UPSIDE DOWN - NIGHT When Billy comes to he is in the upside down. He gets out of the car and looks around. BILLY I knew those fucking kids were lying to me. There is an upside down world. Billy grabs a few upside down particles in the air. BILLY (CONT’D) Is it snow? dust?! Will they tell us in season 3? What in the Hell is this stuff?! FEMALE VOICE (O.S.) Learn to love the one in red or those around you will soon be dead... BILLY What?! Hello?! Who said that? The sky lights up with orange lightening and thunderous clouds. BILLY (CONT’D) GET ME OUT OF HERE. It’s muggy as Hell in the upside down. My hair is doing some funky ass shit. Billy’s hair is doing a BIG ERNIE MCCRACKEN from KINGPIN and is whisping around in all sorts of wacky directions. BILLY (CONT’D) This isn’t cool. Take my family and friends but let my hair stay styled. Please. I beg you. Billy tries to fix his mullet but it keeps spinning out of control.

14. BILLY (CONT’D) HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! INT. JIM HOPPER’S LOG CABIN - NIGHT HOPPER, NANCY, JONATHAN and WINONA RYDER, stand by as they try to heat the smoke monster out of a possessed WILL. WINONA The monster hates heat. If we can heat Will’s body up maybe the monster will leave. I’m not losing my child here today. HOPPER I had a child once... That was a long time ago... Before the world had split... WINONA HOPPER NOT NOW. This isn’t your moment. Heaters are running, the fireplace is going, Will is wrapped in blankets and Jonathan is blowing a hair dryer in Will’s face. WILL STOP. IT BURNS. IT BURNS. JONATHAN Mom, maybe we should stop. We’re hurting him. WINONA NO. We need it hotter. How can we get this place hotter? There is a KNOCK at the door. HOPPER Who the Hell? Hopper answers the door and sees nobody. He looks down at his feet. HOPPER (CONT’D) Can I help you? Billy crawls his way in from the upside down. His hair a goddamn mess.

15. HOPPER (CONT’D) You okay kid? BILLY Please. For the love of fucking God tell me you have hair product in this place. HOPPER I have some LA LOOKS in the bathroom. BILLY That’ll do, pig. That’ll do... I’m gonna take that hair dryer too. Billy walks over to Jonathan and takes the hair dryer out of his hand. JONATHAN I was kind of using that. Will starts violently convulsing on the bed. WILL STOP IT. STOP. YOU’RE MAKING HIM ANGRY. Black veins start to run up will’s body. WINONA We’re almost there. We just need it a little bit hotter. Winona starts to turn the dials on all the heat lamps, NOTHING IS WORKING. JONATHAN HE’S GOING TO DIE, MOM. WINONA IT NEEDS TO GET HOTTER IN HERE. HOPPER We’ve tried everything. We can’t make it any hotter. The bathroom door slowly and deliberately creases open. BILLY (O.S.) Anything I can do to help?

16. Suddenly Billy walks out of the bathroom, hair freshly styled, in SLO-MO when the opening drum beat of Van Halen’s “HOT FOR TEACHER” starts. Billy seductively lights a cigarette. Oh fuck.

WINONA

HOPPER (looking at slo-mo Billy) SHIT. Jesus...

NANCY

Jonathan is horrified at the way Nancy is looking at Billy. JONATHAN Now I have to compete with this guy?! I just convinced Nancy to like me. NOOOO!!!! Nancy I’m cool too! NANCY (entranced by Billy) Yeah... I know you are Tomison. JONATHAN MY NAME’S JONATHAN! No one is named Tomison. NANCY Okay, sorry, Pomathin. Will continues convulsing as he is tied up. WINONA We’re almost there! Billy winks at the camera and that sets the Goddamn room ABLAZE! HOPPER HOLY SHIT THAT’S HOT. The thermometers in the room start to burst. The fireplace shoots a fireball out. The space heaters sizzle and go up in flames. WILL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

17. The black veins run up Will’s body to his neck and out of his mouth. The smoke monster flows out of Will’s mouth and crashes through the log cabin bouncing off the walls. WINONA There it goes! Winona follows the smoke monster and does that weird eye/head movement thing she was doing at the SAG awards. Has anyone asked her about this? I know it’s funny and all in GIF form but seriously shouldn’t people be concerned about that? The monster breaks through the window and escapes into the night. HOPPER Now what are we going to do? How are we going to beat that thing?! JONATHAN It’s on the loose. We won’t be able to stop it. BILLY I can stop it. How?!

WINONA

BILLY I’m going to fuck it. What?

HOPPER

BILLY I will have sex with the smoke monster. It’s the only way to win...

END OF ACT TWO

18. ACT THREE INT. HAWKINS LAB - NIGHT PAUL REISER, aka DR. OWENS, stares at some x-rays while Billy talks to him. DR. OWENS Let me get this straight. You want us to put you in the upside down so you can try to have sex with the smoke monster? Correct.

BILLY

DR. OWENS What’s that going to prove? BILLY I don’t know doc, but I’m not willing to sit around here and find out what will happen if I don’t fuck that smoke monster. DR. OWENS I like your style. BILLY Thanks doc, I’m MAD ABOUT YOU as well! Billy turns to the camera and winks for a bit. INT. HAWKINS LAB UPSIDE DOWN PORTAL - NIGHT The guttural screams and cries of soldiers dying in the upside down can be heard from outside of the portal. BILLY Ughh... What’s that noise in there? DR. OWENS Look man if you don’t want to go in there and fuck that smoke monster no one is forcing you too. If you just want to let everyone down, that’s fine. BILLY TAKE IT EASY. I’ll go.

19. DR. OWENS It will probably be fine. Take this gun with one bullet. BILLY Thanks doc. If I don’t make it out alive. I want you to find a little redheaded girl named, Max and tell her she’s not my sister. I need her to know. Okay?

DR. OWENS

Billy suits up and gets ready to go inside... DR. OWENS (CONT’D) Hey Billy, why are you doing this? Why do you care about this town? BILLY My whole life I’ve played by my own rules. I’ve always been the most powerful one in any given situation. I’m so insanely strong... DR. OWENS That you are... BILLY And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some son of a bitch Demogorgon take that title of strongest dude away from me. But most of all I want to make it VERY clear to everyone... NOTHING IN THIS WORLD OR ANOTHER WORLD MESSES WITH MY HAIR. Good luck.

DR. OWENS

EXT. HAWKINS FIELD - NIGHT The town has gathered in the field to watch the final showdown between Billy and the smoke monster. Billy is entranced in the Upside Down, eyes rolling behind his head with his arms out... waiting. HOPPER I don’t think this kid can save us.

20. WINONA Have some hope. He saved Will. Have you talked to Eleven? HOPPER I tried... She’s not speaking to me. I wouldn’t let her go out on Halloween. WINONA Hopper, that’s horrible she’s just a kid. HOPPER I had a kid once... You never know how much you love something... WINONA Hopper not now. Christ. INT. CHICAGO SLUMS - NIGHT ELEVEN is having a sleepover with her new weird friends. Who are these people? Do we need to know them? Will they come back in this season? Couldn’t they just have done 8 episodes and skipped this one or saved it for like a graphic novel or something? Ah well, we all watched it anyway. KALI AKA 008, holds a blindfold next to Eleven. KALI So you can find anyone at anytime? Eleven shakes her head yes and puts a blindfold on. ELEVEN Let’s do this. INT. ELEVEN’S MIND - NIGHT The room is pitch black. She hears a man talking in the distance. She walks slowly towards the voice, terrified of what she may find. Papa?

ELEVEN

It’s not her papa. In fact, it’s ROB LOWE at a press junket! ROB LOWE And that’s why ST. Elmo’s Fire is my favorite movie I’ve ever done.

21. INT. CHICAGO SLUMS - NIGHT Eleven takes off her blindfold and her nose is bleeding. You’d think at this point she’d carry some sort of handkerchief or tissue around with her. KALI OH MY GOD. How did Rob look in person?! Bitchin’! I knew it.

ELEVEN KALI

ELEVEN He was talking about a fire... the FIRE... OH NO. Eleven has a flashback of the burning of the upside down and sees Will convulsing in bed. ELEVEN (CONT’D) I need to go. HOME. They need me. KALI Wait! Tell us where Anthony Michael Hall is, please. ELEVEN No time. Need. Home. EXT. THE UPSIDE DOWN - NIGHT Billy walks through the upside down punching at the trees. BILLY This place isn’t that scary. Try running 2 a days with Coach Jaffe in 95 degree heat... now THAT’S scary... Yeah I was an all-star athlete. Not a huge deal... FEMALE VOICE (O.S.) Learn to love the one in red or those around you will soon be dead... BILLY Who the HELL keeps saying that? I really don’t like mysterious voices in the wind. They piss me off.

22.

It’s me.

FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)

Billy turns around and sees BARB standing behind him. BILLY You’re the girl from the pictures. Everyone’s looking for you. BARB Really? Cause they just sort of left me alone to die last time. BILLY Sounds like some bad friends. That’s why I don’t have any friends or family... Only enemies... and the scars to prove it. BARB Can I see them? See what? The scars.

BILLY BARB

BILLY Oh, that was like a figure of speech. Emotional scars you know. My dads a mean jerk. Oh...

BARB

BILLY But, I have this weird ass hangnail on my toe if you want to see that-BARB NO THANK YOU... This is no way to live life, Billy. You need to care about others. Billy turns on the charm. BILLY Oh yeah? What if I cared about you? Billy takes off Barb’s glasses and tussles her hair.

23. BARB You can’t save the world until you save yourself, Billy. BILLY I’ve never felt like this before. Emotions and shit. It’s making me ANGRY. Billy swings at the floating particles in the air. BILLY (CONT’D) Seriously what is this stuff?! Like burnt paper or something? I have to know. Is it going to make me sick? I haven’t been sick since ‘78. I have an incredible immune system. BARB It’s okay, Billy. It’s okay to feel... Billy leans in to kiss Barb but she turns him away. BARB (CONT’D) We can’t. Not here. Not like this. BILLY I love you. BARB I love you too. Billy leans back in for a kiss when suddenly a pack of DEMODOGS run through and steal Barb. NOOOOO. They killed Barb twice!!!! #JUSTICE4BARB BILLY OH SHIT! YOU TOOK THE ONLY WOMAN I LOVED YOU SON OF A BITCH. YOU’RE NEXT. COME OUT AND FACE ME, SMOKE MONSTER. EXT. HAWKINS LAB - NIGHT Hopper waits outside of his truck for Eleven when she walks up slowly. HOPPER Hey kid... Sorry I left you alone for like six days straight and never called... Where were you?

24. ELEVEN The premiere party for “St. Elmo’s Fire.” HOPPER Oh... And sorry I didn’t let you dress up for Halloween but I’m going to make it up to you... Hopper takes a PARTY CITY bag out of his truck and unveils a pair of Nerd Glasses. HOPPER (CONT’D) I figured you could dress up now... The costume is from “Revenge Of the Nerds.” I just saw the movie, it’s funny as Hell. Eleven is elated. She puts on the glasses. HOPPER (CONT’D) You ready to end this thing? Eleven shakes her head yes and they walk into the Hawkins lab. EXT. THE UPSIDE DOWN - NIGHT The smoke monster takes the form of the giant spider-like figure that Will had been drawing. The sky fills with orange and crimson light flashing darkly through Hawkins. Billy leaves himself vulnerable in the middle of the field. BILLY I WILL AVENGE BARB. The smoke monster starts to race towards Billy. Desperately looking for a new human host. Billy waits for the monster to come at him, cigarette dangling from his mouth. BILLY (CONT’D) COME ON. I’M RIGHT HERE. LET’S DO THIS. The smoke monster flies through trees, through buildings, and gets within inches of Billy’s face and suddenly stops. It looks as if the smoke monster is sniffing something... IT SMELLS THE COLOGNE.

25. BILLY (CONT’D) Oh hello... I didn’t know the mean scary smoke monster had a hot younger sister... The smoke monster pulls back a bit. It may be charmed. BILLY (CONT’D) Ya know, I usually like to smoke after sex but I’ve never smoked... during sex. Billy grabs his belt and leaps at the monster. EXT. HAWKINS FIELD - NIGHT The town watches in horror as Billy furiously humps the air. They have no idea if it’s working or if it’s not. To everyone else it just looks like Billy is having sex with nothing. WINONA Kids look away. STEVE HARRINGTON I think I’m gonna be sick. The monsters distracted. We need to close the gate to the upside down, RIGHT NOW. MAX WHAT?! But my brother is in there. STEVE HARRINGTON Sorry kid. He never loved anyone but himself anyway... Max runs away and jumps into the Camaro. INT. HAWKINS LAB UPSIDE DOWN PORTAL - NIGHT Eleven is on a platform with her arm stretched out pushing with all her might to close the gate to the Upside Down. Her Revenge of the Nerd glasses crack. Her nose starts gushing blood. Seriously, she knows this is going to happen. There’s no thought of buying a pocket-sized pack of Kleenex? I got a nose bleed once in class in 5th grade and have carried a “just incase” tissue with me in my back pocket ever since.

26. EXT. THE UPSIDE DOWN - NIGHT Billy has finished having sex with the smoke monster. He lays on his back and lights up a cigarette. BILLY Do you smoke?... Just kidding. The Smoke Monster starts to get up. BILLY (CONT’D) So we’re cool now? You’re going to be chill about taking over Hawkins and possessing the children of this town? The Monster doesn’t like what Billy is saying, it hulks over him and tries to enter his mouth to possess him. BILLY (CONT’D) WHOA. EASY. I need at least 20 minutes to regroup here. The smoke monster can’t get in through the mouth so it goes around the back. BILLY (CONT’D) HEY. NO ASS-PLAY. I thought I made myself VERY clear about that. THE SMOKE MONSTER roars and the skies turn a thunderous ominous orange... INT. HAWKINS LAB UPSIDE DOWN PORTAL - NIGHT Eleven has almost fully closed the gate. She is SO close, she just needs a little more inspiration to finish the last couple of inches of closure. SHE THINKS DEEP. THE MOST PAINFUL CREVICES OF HER MIND. She goes into her mind and sees herself being locked in that cabin by herself... The gap closes a little more... She sees a box of Eggo’s® being smashed and thrown in the garbage... The gap closes a little more... Finally she sees love of her life MIKE in the 2017 version of Stephen King’s “IT” kissing another girl. This enrages Eleven and gives her the ULTIMATE MIGHT to close the remaining portion of the gap...

27. INT. THE UPSIDE DOWN - NIGHT The smoke monster begins to possess Billy. He can no longer stop it. It’s almost fully taking over his body when... BILLY NO. I CAN’T LET THIS HAPPEN. Billy takes out the gun with the one bullet and points it at himself. As he is about to pull the trigger the roar of the Camaro is heard speeding in the distance. MAX tears through the upside down in the Camaro racing towards the monster. BILLY’S CAMARO OH PLEASE NO NO NO. I can’t take another crash. NOO!!!!! The Camaro crashes directly into the Smoke Monster pushing it back and out of Billy. MAX Come with me if you want to live... Max extends her hand and snatches Billy into the Camaro. EXT. HAWKINS FIELD - NIGHT THE GATE IS CLOSED. Hawkins has once again gone back to a normal small town. Steve stands up and looks at the crowd around him. STEVE HARRINGTON NOW THAT’S SOME STRANGER THINGS! The crowd fucking loses their mind laughing. INT. SNOW BALL DANCE ‘84 - NIGHT HAWKINS is once again safe from the evil upside down. Everyone has coupled up at the Snow Ball formal and is dancing nicely. Mike and Eleven, Dustin and Nancy, Max and Lucas, Rob Lowe and Demi Moore from St Elmo’s Fire... MIKE Everything okay, Eleven?

28. ELEVEN Yeah... So who was that girl you were with in the clown movie? MIKE Eleven please, can we just enjoy a night out for once? ELEVEN I’m not mad. I just want to know. MIKE It seems like you’re mad, I mean the mere mental picture of me talking to another girl gave you the telekinetic power to close the gate to the upside down. That seems mad to me. ELEVEN Seemed like you guys were doing more than talking. MIKE Yeah well we weren’t. So can we drop it? ELEVEN I’m not mad, Mike. I’m just disappointed. Mike takes a deep annoyed breath. Suddenly the music stops. Billy walks on stage and grabs the mic. BILLY I want to say something to everyone in here. Oh no...

MAX

BILLY I’m from LA. The sunshine state. We surf in the morning and make cinematic history at night. I am tanned, jacked and angry just like the good lord intended. Amen!

DUSTIN

29. BILLY But I want to say something right here, right now. Hawkins is where I live now. A place I finally feel welcome. A place I can call... Home. And MAX... Mad Max... Literally the redheaded stepchild... Max, you’re my sister. You have all taught me so much in such a little amount of time... I guess I learned something here today, even if we don’t have the same mother. You ARE my sister, Max... and it’s all thanks to a special someone for showing me the way... You made me a one woman man... The floor clears and we see the back of Barb’s head waiting in the spotlight. BILLY (CONT’D) Thanks, Barb! She turns around to reveal a pretty badly scarred face from where the Demodogs attacked her. BILLY (CONT’D) YIKES! I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to say yikes. Nothing a little blush can’t cover up. Billy extends his hand and dips Barb. EVERYONE CHEERS! EXT. SNOW BALL DANCE '84 PARKING LOT - NIGHT Billy’s Camaro parks next to Hopper’s police truck. BILLY’S CAMARO You know even though I’m an automatic... I think I might just STICK around Hawkins for a while! All the cars in the lot start blaring their alarms in excitement and happiness!

THE END OR IS IT??!!

30.

POST CREDIT SCENE:

CHYRON: 3 months later INT. HAWKINS LAB - NIGHT Billy and Paul Reiser sit in an office. BILLY What’s up, doc? DR. OWENS Billy, I’m gonna ask you a very serious question... When you were being intimate with the smoke monster were you wearing protection. BILLY Come on doc, it’s the 80’s. DR. OWENS Right. I thought so. Well we’ve been getting incredible seismic activity under the ground and there’s something you should listen to... Dr. Owens hands Billy a stethoscope and Billy puts one end in his ear and the other to the ground. There is a THUMP... THUMP... THUMP... BILLY It sounds like... Kicking. Billy takes the stethoscope off. DR. OWENS Take a look at this. Dr. Owens takes what looks like a ultrasound picture and shows it to Billy. It’s a giant smoke like figure with a pregnant stomach. BILLY OH NO. I’M GONNA BE A FATHER?!

31. DR. OWENS Now THAT’S some STRANGER THINGS!

BILLY (CONT'D) Now THAT’S some STRANGER THINGS!