Storyid: 4577261 FanFiction.net Name: The Arrangement Author: manyafandom Chapter 1 of a Twilight - Angst/Romance fanfiction with characters Bella & Edward. An average night takes an interesting turn for Edward, Bella and Jasper. What happens in the morning? Can their friendship survive? Will feelings finally be revealed? Or will everything fall apart, leaving them all alone? E/B/J E/B J/B. Smut/Adult Themes.." The Arrangement Chapter 1: The Night is All Happened: Bella, a Twilight fanfic FanFiction.Net

Chapter 1 to 22

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Chapter: 1

AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "All I want is to feel this way To be this close, to feel the same All I want is to feel this way The evening speaks, I feel it say... And it wont matter now Whatever happens to me Though the air speaks of all well never be It wont trouble me" All I Want-Toad the Wet Sprocket The night had started out as normal as could be. Hanging out with my friends at home, playing Guitar Hero, watching cheesy chick flicks and playing stupid drinking games. Good times indeed. It ended in a strange yet satisfying way after a series of unusual events. How had I gotten here? Here being in bed with my two best friends, my two very naked and very male best friends. Who were now wrapped around my own very naked body sleeping soundly. I on the other hand was not going to be sleeping anytime soon. Gah. Did I really just have a threesome with Edward and Jasper? Yep baby, you sure 'nuff did. Fuck! Whatever… just shut up enjoy it. And then we will never mention this ever again. Though it will be fodder for 'Happy Alone Time' for a long to come. We had been best friends for almost twenty years now. It all started on the first day of kindergarten. I was being bullied by the vile Mike Newton. We all know now that when a little boy picks on a little girl it means that he is in love with her. But at the time I had no idea why he was picking on me. Mike is still a pain in my ass to this day. I really should NOT have given up my virginity to him at junior prom. If I would have known that he would follow me around like a lovesick puppy dog for the rest of my life I would have happily stayed a virgin forever.

Anyways Mike was throwing pine cones at my head as I cowered under the jungle gym when two little boys came up to save me. They pushed him down and told him to knock it off. Asking him if he knew that girls have cooties and he should leave me alone if he didn't want to catch them. They helped me up, each taking a hand and off we went to class. We have been inseparable ever since. So now here we were. Twenty four years old, all living together as we attended grad school. I loved them, I did, but in an almost brotherly way, and I mean almost. Because I can admit that both of them had played a role in my sexual fantasies at one time or another. I mean come on, they were the frickin' epitome of sex on legs. No matter how I felt about them I couldn't deny that. Damn straight. God, they are too sexy. They can't help it. And Sex Gods, don't forget you have the proof now. I had never 'hooked up' per say with either of them. Jasper had given me my first real tongue kiss at 13 because I was curious. And Edward was the first guy to put his hands down my pants at 15 after we had gotten drunk off of Boones Farm and decided that making out seemed like such a good idea. That was the extent of my sexual experience with the two. That was until now. And what a sexual experience it had been. I had never done anything like this before. I wasn't a prude by any means but kinky threeways with my two best buds was definitely something new. Jasper shifted slightly in his sleep, bringing his hips closer to me. I could feel his dick against my thigh. I looked over at him, taking him in. Tall and lean, but not lanky. He had muscle from his four times a week trips to the gym. Golden blond wavy hair fell into his gorgeous gray eyes. Not green, not blue; gray, Confederate Gray I always told him. Jasper was a huge history buff and was working on his masters in history with an emphasis on the Civil War. His face was full and he had a pointed chin. It fit him though, with a straight nose and full cupid bow's lips his face was as close to perfection as one could get. I always thought he was attractive. I just never let myself think of him in that way. He was Jasper and always had been. I never had wanted a romantic relationship with him. But I was curious about his sexual prowess. I had heard rumors about it from other girls for the last eight years and I always wanted to know if it was true. And I now know that it was in fact true.

So very true. That thing he does with his tongue? Way better then what Maria Esteban said it was. He wasn't a man-whore but pretty damn close. He was never with more than one women at a time, but it never was serious and never lasted long. Still, being best friends with him for so long I felt that us being together like that even casually would have been a bad idea. I loved him, just not in that way. He was my confidant, the one I could say anything to. The keeper of my secrets, well almost all my secrets, he didn't know my biggest one. No one knew that one. Jasper had always been the calm levelheaded one, the diffuser of Edward and mine's arguments. The one that could see all sides of a situation, the thinker and the planner of our trio. He was what I thought was the glue that held the three of us together. Edward mumbled in his sleep and buried his face deeper into my hair. Turning my head to look at him, I was awestruck by his beauty. Long and lean, Edward was lanky unlike Jasper. His addiction to swimming and running left him toned and sinewy. Greek god-like. Adonis has nothing on Edward. Perfection, at least to me. A thin face with a square jaw, long thin nose and wide full lips that formed the most beautiful crooked smile I had ever seen. Reddish brown hair that was always in disarray and went perfectly with his pale skin. He had a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks that made him look mischievous and boyish. His eyes were a bright pale green, always sparkling with curiosity and passion. They always left me a little breathless when he turned his lime popsicle eyes on me. I had learned to deal with the feelings that Edward brought out in me. Learned to hide how I felt about him. To be honest, I was in love that way with Edward. I had been for a very, very long time. I just tried very hard to suppress it. I should try and get over it, shouldn't I? Do you honestly think that you can? No and really I don't want to. I only want him. Not wanting to ruin the dynamic of our trio or lose his friendship I kept my feelings hidden deep down letting no one know of their existence. There was something there between us. Sometimes when he looked at me I thought he might feel it too. But I never let myself believe it and never pursued anything. That's because he only sees you as flighty bumbling Bella. And will never see you as anything more.

Edward was the passionate temperamental one of the group. A pianist, music was his only love he said. He was introspective, rarely sharing his feelings openly. But when he did you knew that it was important to him. I guess you could classify him as moody, the tortured musician type. He was almost monk-like in his sexual habits. Never one to have a serious relationship, preferring one night stands when he needed to scratch an itch. But damn what a way to scratch the itch. Seriously, I never would have thought that Edward could be like that. He was commanding, forceful and vocal. I guess it stems from his passionate nature though. It's always the quiet ones. I had never had a serious boyfriend. The closest I had gotten was Mike Newton junior year of high school. It lasted all of three weeks. I only slept with him to get it over with. Tired of being a virgin and knowing my two best friends were not anymore. Having had slept with a few men since then I was experienced but not hugely so. Like Edward I guess I hooked up when I had an itch to scratch. But for the last 18 months it had only been me and my vibrator. Yeah, I was in some serious need of actual cock. And boy, did I get it. Anyways on to me, I was the head in the clouds dreamer. I loved books and wanted to be a writer. Always off in my own little daydreams I missed a lot of what went on around me. When I did focus on the real world, I was perceptive I thought. I always seemed to figure out the real reason behind things, the hidden meaning. But my ability to get lost in my own head left me clumsy and I was always tripping or walking into things. The boys kept me grounded and helped me get out of my head when I needed to. We all complimented and brought the best in one another. After the events of the night I didn't know how our friendship would change. Would we talk about it? I blushed just at the thought of discussing what happened with them. Would we do this again? Not really knowing how it would affect our friendship I honestly didn't have an answer. Looking back up at the ceiling I sighed and replayed the events of the last few hours in my head. It had started out innocently enough. We chose to stay in on a Friday night instead of heading out to the pub. We had ordered pizza, drank some beers and played Guitar Hero for a few hours before things started to change.

Started to change … is that how you're putting it? I was kicking the boys' asses at Guitar Hero as always and it was pissing them off. Getting them all riled up, the testosterone was heavy in the air. Jasper played guitar for real and Edward was a piano prodigy. My ability to continually beat their scores at the game mystified them. For I had no musical talent whatsoever and was at a loss as to why I was so good at it. Because I had won at the game tonight, I got to pick the movie. My pick did not go over well with the boys. But to make it fun for them we played the drinking game that went along with it. I think the combination of the movie and the drinking is what led me to where I was now. The whole in bed with the two of them naked thing. "Seriously Bella, Pretty Woman? Are you trying to kills us with chick flicks? We're guys. We don't do chick flicks," Jasper whined, still sore at losing to me yet again. Jasper's tone made Edward chuckle from his spot on his piano bench. I had had a beer already and I was less inhibited and more quippy then usual. "Yes Jasper, it is all part of my evil plan to kill you. Bombard you with estrogen in the form of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts until you suffocate on it. And the last time I checked I was in fact a girl," pausing I put one hand to my crotch and the other to my breast and squeezed. "Yep, still am. I won fair and square so I get to choose. If it makes it any better we can play the drinking game," I told them. Their eyes lit up in delight at my last statement. I knew this was the only way I would be able to watch the movie without their incessant whining. "As long as the shots are Jager," Edward said already knowing that I hated that particular liquor. Gah. Don't they know what Jagermeister does to me by now? Stupid boys and there stupid manly motor oil tasting drink. "Fine. Whatever. Just go get it and some more Yuengling," I said in a defeated voice as I set up the DVD player. "Ah Bella, don't be that way. We need the Jager to make up for the chickflickiness," Jasper said coming up and throwing an arm around my shoulder. "Chickflickiness, Jasper, that isn't even a word." "It is now," he smirked back at me. "Whatever, if I puke all over you two it's your own damn fault," I said giving them the evil

eye. Edward had returned with six beers and the evil beverage from hell and was pouring shots for everyone. Settling on the couch Jasper splayed out taking up the whole damn thing. Resigned I grabbed some pillows and sat on the floor between the couch and Edwards piano. Edward, as always, took up residence on his piano bench. The movie started and so did the drinking. Everything was fine until the scene where Richard Gere's Edward was playing the piano and Julia Roberts' Vivian joined him. We had had quite a few shots and a beer each by now. We weren't drunk but all of us had good buzzes going. The tension was thick in the room for some reason. Trying to relieve some of it I teasingly asked, "Hey Edward, ever have sex on your piano?" "Umm no," Edward replied, sounding perplexed at my sudden interest in his sex life. "Why not?" Jasper asked this time. "Umm … because I never had the opportunity to I guess." Hmm … maybe I could help him out with that. "Well there is no time like the present," I said enthusiastically. Before I could realize what I was doing I hopped up and went to stand in front of Edward. The alcohol must have been affecting me more than I thought. Or at least that is what I'm going to use as my excuse. Cause right then I wanted nothing more then to ravish him. "Bella?" Edward said and looked up at me in confusion. I straddled his lap, my legs bent on either side of his. Leaning forward I slowly pressed my lips to his. Kissing him gently at first and then with more force. The same fire that was there nine years ago roared to life between us again. The inferno spread through my body, igniting my desire in a way it had never been before. He smelled and tasted so damn good. Like mint and cinnamon, it flooded my brain and made it go fuzzy. Too shocked at my actions, Edward just sat there not responding at first. Then his hands grabbed my hips pulling me closer. His lips finally moved with mine, kissing me back. I was in heaven. I could have died right then and been happy. After a time the need for oxygen was too great and we pulled back. I didn't meet his eyes. Jasper let out a whistle and groaned lowly at the sight of us.

"Hot damn Edward, you are one lucky son of a bitch," Jasper chuckled out. At Jasper's words I realized what I had done. My mind frantically back peddled for some way out, some reason to explain what had just happened. Too afraid to finally admit my feelings for Edward, I did the dumbest thing ever. What the hell did I just do? Oh my god! Oh my god! "Well, why don't you get your fine ass over here and get some then," I said to Jasper, looking at him over my shoulder and arched an eyebrow at him. Jasper just stared at me, mouth hanging open for a moment and obviously shocked at my words. Then he bolted up off the couch and came towards Edward and me. He stood beside us and brought a hand to the side of my face, tilting it up towards him. Slowly and with a smirk on his face he lowered his lips to mine. Gently at first but then he licked my bottom lip asking for entrance. I granted it and was overcome with the taste and feel of Jasper. It was like no other kiss I had ever received. Green apples was all my brain could come up with. He tasted like green apples, tart and sweet. There wasn't the fiery torment of Edward's kiss but a slow, steady burn instead. He was good at this, my mind finally registered. Real good. Though the feelings weren't there, it was the first time I had ever been properly kissed. Edward's grasp on my hips tightened and reminded me that he was still there. Bringing a hand up to cup the back of his head, my fingers grasped at the silken strands. I gently pulled him towards my neck never breaking my kiss with Jasper. His lips on my neck were insistent and rough. He licked and nipped his way up my neck to below my ear and sucked gently. The dual sensations of both of their lips on me made me moan loudly. It vibrated over Jasper's lips urging him on. My other hand went to the back of Jasper's head pulling him closer. Bending my neck back I gave Edward more area to kiss and brought my lips fuller into contact with Jasper's. I moaned again causing Edward to pull me closer still. Wetness pooled between my thighs as I was overcome with the feeling of both of them kissing me. I had never been this aroused ever in my life. My hips started to move on their own against Edward trying to get some friction. "You like this don't you, Bella? Like the two of us kissing you? You want more don't you, you dirty little girl?" Edward whispered into my ear as he nibbled on my earlobe. His words brought me out of the lust filled haze I was in. Breaking my kiss with Jasper I looked into Edward's eyes. I saw the lust and want I was feeling but there was something

else there that I could not identify. Finally his words registered in my brain. Did I like this? Did I want more? Umm … I am gonna have to say yes to all of the above. And fuck me. Did he just call me a dirty little girl? Yes, he did and you loved it. Never breaking eye contact with Edward, I leaned in as my hand on his neck pulled him towards me. I kissed him with everything that I had. All the lust, want, need and love that I felt for him going through my lips to his. Trying to convey what I was feeling. My other hand brought Jasper to my neck signaling a reversal of their previous roles. Jasper attacked my neck with fervor. Moving around to where he was behind me he brushed my hair away from my neck and continued to pepper it with kisses and nips. Jasper's hands went under my arms and brushed lightly over my breasts. He paused a moment to gauge my reaction to the new move of his but then continued his assault on my neck. The simple touch of his palms added fuel to the fire that was growing in me. I growled lowly and pressed the hand on the back of his head deeper into my neck, pulling on the hair between my fingers. It was all the encouragement he needed. His thumb brushed roughly over my nipples, causing them to harden. Moaning into Edward's mouth and deepening our kiss, I arched my back into Jasper's touch needing more contact. At my motion Jasper grabbed my breast squeezing them and plucking at my nipples through my bra and shirt. I strained against Jasper's hands wanting more as my tongue dueled with Edward's for dominance. Edward won the fight, his tongue exploring my mouth. If I had thought Jasper was an amazing kisser Edward blew him out of the water. Maybe it was the emotions, well at least emotions on my side that made it so damn good. Kissing Edward like this was more than I had ever imagined. More than I ever thought possible. I was too far gone to care. Too far gone to give a shit of the ramifications this might have on our friendship. I wanted them, wanted them both so bad. "You taste so damn good; I want to taste you all over," Jasper said into my neck. Leaving my lips Edward kissed along my jaw line on the opposite side of Jasper. "God Bella, you are too hot, too damn sexy. I want to fuck you so hard," Edward said biting at my chin. That was it. That was all I needed. My mind made up. My determination was set.

Pulling away from them both I stood up bringing them with me. Giving each a small peck on the lips I grabbed their hands just like they had done to me so many years ago. Pulling them towards Jasper's room not giving them time to think about what was about to happen. Jasper's room was the closest and also had the largest bed, a king size to fit his 6'3" frame. Getting to the room I flicked the light switch on wanting to see what I hoped was about to happen. Turning to face them I lifted my shirt up and over my head throwing it across the room. Before either one had time to respond I went to Jasper grabbing his t-shirt by the hem. Caressing his stomach and chest as I went, I lifted it off and tossed it to where mine had landed. I gasped at the site of his bare chest. I had seen it before but not through my lust-filled eyes. He was magnificent and I felt my panties soak. Edward was next; I started to unbutton his shirt kissing his chest as I undid each button. Jasper came up behind me undoing my bra, pushing it down my arms to where the straps rested in the crook of my elbows. Releasing Edward's shirt, I let it fall to the ground and went back to my task. I cannot believe that this is actually happening. Shut up and go with it. Trust me, you need to get laid. But like this? Do I really want this? Shut up and focus! Edwards's hands fisted roughly in my hair pulling me closer to him when I licked at his nipple. Jasper came flush with my back, his erection pressed against it. His hands ran down my arms caressing the skin. It was a gentle and loving gesture and sent goose bumps up and down my arms. Finally ridding Edward of his shirt, I turned around to face Jasper. I attacked his collarbone with my mouth as my hand went to his jeans trying to undo them quickly. As I helped Jasper out of his jeans, Edward came up behind me undoing my jeans for me. He brought them down my legs, touching and caressing my smooth skin along the way. My hand faltered on Jasper's zipper at the sensations, the touches and the caresses the guys were giving me. It was so gentle, so tender. They touched me as if I was precious and delicate. Getting back to the task at hand, I finally got Jasper's zipper down. Pulling the material and his boxers down his legs as Edward took off his own jeans and boxer briefs. Stepping out of my jeans I looked at my two now very naked friends. They both had full erections that stood out strong and huge. I started to feel a little apprehensive of the situation and moved my hands to cover my breasts as my panties were still on.

Simultaneously they each grabbed an arm halting my motion. Stepping closer to me, the heat emanating off their bodies warmed me from the sudden chill I felt. They released my arms stepping even closer to where they were pressing into my sides. "No Bella, you are too beautiful to cover yourself," Jasper said as he kissed my shoulder and brushed a hand over my breast. "He's right, you are exquisite," Edward said on my other side, his hand running down my back cupping my ass. Flooded with this tenderness, I almost cried. I stopped before I embarrassed myself further and reached out with tentative hands to take them each into my grasp. They both had the same reaction to my light touch and hissed. Slowly I started to pump each of their cocks reveling in the velvety smoothness of them. My actions in turn made them more aggressive, more eager. Jasper bent slightly to take one of my peaks into my mouth, his hand coming up to grab the other one twisting it lightly between his fingers. Edward's hand grasped my ass harder and began to knead it. His other hand trailed along my stomach to slip underneath my panties. A finger slipped between my folds. "Damn Bella, you are so fucking wet for us. You're positively dripping. I can smell you from here," Edward purred into my ear. His velvet voice went straight to my arousal making me gush even more. He felt it and a cocky smirk came across his face as he started to pump in and out of me with two fingers. All while still kissing and nipping at my neck. Jasper switched breasts to give equal attention to them. He lightly bit down on the other sensitive peak, causing me to scream out in pleasure and my knees to go weak. Taking action Edward removed his fingers and scooped me up bridal style, carrying me to the bed. Setting me down gently, he lay down beside me and started to kiss my mouth. He explored my mouth with his tongue as his hands roamed over my chest. Playing with my breast and rolling my nipples between his fingers. Jasper came up between my legs, kissing up them from my ankles and made his way to my overheated core. When he got there he inhaled my scent deeply while rubbing his lips over the soaked lace. Tapping my thigh to get my attention, he looked up at us asking for permission. Breaking my kiss from Edward I looked down at him, my eyes pleading with him to continue.

"Yes Jazz, please yes," I whimpered out as his fingers brushed over the lace of my panties. Edward and Jasper's eyes locked for a moment a silent conversation passing between the two of them. Nodding slightly to one another, they went back to their previous tasks. "Bella, you want to watch what Jasper is going to do to you," Edward purred into my mouth. Lifting me up to where I was sitting, he moved behind me pulling me back against his chest while Jasper slowly removed my panties. I felt his massive cock against my lower back and wondered briefly if he would fit. Edward brushed the hair from my neck and began to nibble on the skin of my shoulder and neck. His hands came around to caress my breast as his eyes watched Jasper's movements. Jasper, having finally removed my panties, slowly worked his way back up my legs caressing and kneading the skin as he went. My head fell back on Edward's shoulder at the sensation of two sets of hands on me. It was like strokes of fire everywhere they touched. A fire filled with desire, lust and want. The feeling of them touching me was too much but not enough at the same time. I moaned loudly as Jasper finally made his way back to my core brushing his fingers along my glistening lips. "That's right baby, tell us how we make you feel. Tell us how much you want us," Edward said into my skin. "So good, so fucking good. I want more though, more of you both. I need it. I need to feel you both," I said turning my head into Edward's neck and nipping at the skin there. As Jasper slowly dipped two fingers into me Edward said, "Tell us what you want; tell us what you want us to do." "More, I need more, more friction. More touching," I whimpered out. At my words Jasper bent his head lapping his tongue against my throbbing bundle of nerves. My hips bucked at the sudden sensation making Jasper go deeper into my pussy. His fingers pumped furiously in and out curling them as he went searching for my g-spot. That tongue of his was doing wonderful things to my aching clit. Things no one had ever done before. The rumors were true about him. So very fucking true. As Jasper took care of me below the waist, Edward took care of me above. His hands became rougher with my breasts as he bit down harder into my skin. The combined feelings of Edward's teeth and Jasper's tongue almost sent me over the edge. I cried out in pleasure, my body trying to get closer to each of them.

My hands finally moved from where they lay at my sides. One going to Jasper's hair, my fingers entwining in the golden locks pulling him, guiding him. The other covered one of Edward's hands bringing it to my mouth. I sucked in one of Edward's long fingers, swirling my tongue around it as he moved it in and out of my mouth. My now unoccupied hand went to my breast as I pinched and pulled on the sensitive peak. Edward's and my eyes locked on Jasper's head as he showered love on my hot core. Edward whispered dirty things into my ears. Telling me what he wanted to do to me. His velvet voice saying those naughty words went straight to my center. Growling at the things he said, I gently bit down on his finger. As I bit down on his finger, Edward bit me at the juncture of my shoulder and neck while Jasper found my sweet spot, pressing into it as he sucked roughly on my throbbing clit. It was too much. Too much stimulation. Too much sensation. Too much pleasure. I came violently on Jasper's fingers, my walls quivering around them. I saw the stars everyone talked about. Spasms wracked my limbs. The hand in Jasper's hair pushed him deeper into me. My head was thrown back and I wailed incoherent things as I rode out the best orgasm I ever had. "Bella, let it out. Let us know what we do to you," Edward crooned to me as he continued his ministrations on my breast. A loud "fuck" was all I could manage, too far gone from the force of my orgasm. Jasper continued to lick and suck, drinking in all of my juices until I came back to earth. Finally back on solid ground, I slumped into Edward as my whole body relaxed. I looked at them both through half lidded eyes and a smirk on my lips. "Umm … wow," I said sheepishly. I was embarrassed by my reaction to the orgasm I just had. "Wow. That is all you can say. Wow?" Jasper asked as he crawled up my body coming to lay by my side. "Yeah, I think that deserved more then a wow," Edward chimed in. "Well, when I can form coherent thought again I will expand okay?" I said to them smiling as my breath was still unsteady. They started to talk and began touching my body. Not in a sexual way but in an affectionate loving way. "Look at that Edward, we made her incoherent. It must have been good." "I would say so, buddy. Damn, we are good."

"Don't get cocky. It was the best orgasm I ever had alright. Do you two need me to stroke your egos any more?" I replied after my brain finally could form sentences. "The best, huh? Well I think we can do better then that, right Edward? As for stroking our egos I know something else I'd rather have you stroke." Jasper smirked at me and curled his lip. "I definitely know that we can do better, Jasper," Edward said, echoing Jasper's cocky tone. I yawned and snuggled into Edward, ignoring their boasting. "Oh no, Bella. No sleeping. We are not nearly done with you." As he spoke Edward began stroking my clit, reigniting the fire that had dampened. A fresh wave of arousal flooded my body and core, instantly making me wet again. "I'm going to tell you what we are going to do to you next," Edward said tilting my head to look at him. "You are going to get on your knees. And I am going to fuck you. Fuck you hard as you take Jasper's cock into that hot mouth of yours." His penetrating gaze and words went straight to my loins, licking the fire that smoldered there. I nodded weakly, too dazzled by him to speak. Lifting me up to my knees, we all got into position. I was actually super excited at the prospect of what was about to happen. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought something like this would play out. Now that it was I didn't want to think about the consequences; I just wanted to feel. To drown in the feelings and pleasure the guys were giving me. Edward came up behind me and slapped my ass. I yelped and looked back at him. "It's not going to be gentle, Bella. It's going to be rough and hard. You like it rough, don't you? I know you do. I can tell," Edward said with a commanding tone and smacked my ass again. I let out a deep moan and focused on the tingly sensation spreading across my ass. It was wonderful. I loved it and wanted more. Hoping that Edward would do it again, I wiggled my ass at him. He complied with my wishes and spanked me again. Turning back to Jasper I grabbed his hips and brought him closer. His dick was right in front of me now. I licked my lips in anticipation. My mouth was watering at the thought of him in there. Lowering my lips to his tip I kissed it and swirled my tongue around it, lapping up the pre-cum gathered there. Jasper was fucking delicious. I wanted more of him. Never one for fellatio, I really didn't know what I was doing. Instead I let my instincts take over.

It's the least I can do. Look what he just did to me. I open mouth kissed down his length and back up, gently sucking and nipping with my teeth. "Fuck Bella, that feels so good," he hissed at me. Feeling emboldened by his words I took him into my mouth as far as I could. My hand grasping what wouldn't fit. Sucking gently, I stared to bob my head. Setting a slow rhythm my hand and mouth worked together. I guess I was doing it right as Jasper hissed in pleasure. His hands went to my hair fisting it, pulling gently. He guided me, setting a rhythm he liked. To my surprise I was enjoying this. Something I never thought possible. Who knew? Something new to add to my bag of tricks. I was so focused on pleasing Jasper that I jumped a little when I felt Edward caress my slit with his fingers. His fingers spread my lips and he dipped two fingers in to scoop up some of my juices. I didn't see but rather heard him suck on his fingers, finally tasting me. "Damn, you taste good, Bella. I will have to taste you more thoroughly later. Jesus, Jasper, why didn't you tell me she tasted so wonderful?" "It's something you have to experience for yourself, Edward. Just like you have to experience her mouth on your dick. Trust me, it's worth it," Jasper growled out. Their words boosted my ego making me feel like a Sex Goddess. Getting impatient to have Edward in me, I released Jasper from my mouth to speak but still pumping him with my hand. I wanted them to fill me both at the same time. The thought was totally erotic and dirty. Turning my head to look back at Edward I said, "Edward, I thought you said something about fucking me. Are you going to get around to it sometime in this century?" "Tut tut, Bella. Patience. Good things come to those who wait." "Yeah, but I am an impatient bitch. Now just do it." He reached into Jasper's bed side table drawer and grabbed a condom. Ripping the foil packet with his teeth he rolled it on quickly. "You asked for it," he said simply.

And with that he thrust into me. It was like no other feeling I had ever experienced. It felt like I was being split in two but in a completely filling and pleasurable way. I think I might have actually blacked out from the pleasure for a second or two. He wasn't moving yet, letting me adjust to him being in me. My head dropped as I let out a low curse. "What was that, Bella? I didn't hear you," Edward said with cockiness in his voice. Like he knew I would feel this way. Damn him. "I said 'fuck,' Edward. Happy now?" I replied angrily. His cockiness getting the better of me was pissing me off. "Not quite yet," he said withdrawing from me almost all the way and slamming back into me forcefully, his balls slapping against my clit. He repeated his action again and again holding on to my hips for leverage. "Now I'm happy," he grunted out. It was like nothing I had ever done before. I had never been fucked like this. Never. I never wanted to be fucked any other way again. It was too good and I could tell I wouldn't last long. Wanting to prolong the experience, I focused on Jasper once again. Trying to get him off so I could return my full attention to what Edward was doing to me. Taking him back into my mouth I resumed my ministrations. The force of Edward's thrusts caused me to deep throat Jasper. "Fuck, girl," Jasper hissed at the feeling of his cock hitting the back of my throat. The feeling of being filled by both of them was out of this world. There were no words to describe it. I only knew I wanted more. Always more. It was like they were a drug I was addicted to and could never get enough of. Setting a rhythm that mirrored Edwards I set about my task. After some time I felt Jasper tense and knew that he was close. Taking the hand that was supporting my weight I reached up and grabbed Jasper's balls. Squeezing and tugging gently. Edward saw what I was doing and put an arm around my waist to support me. The new angle let him bury himself deeper in me. I moaned around Jasper's dick at the sensation of Edward being fully in me. The moan vibrated down Jasper's length. He grabbed my hair tighter, pumping his hips into my mouth. He was on the edge. Needing one little thing to send him flying over it. I ran my teeth lightly along his length. It was all he needed and he came in my mouth. Spilling his seed down my throat.

"Fuck … I'm coming," was all he could get out through clenched teeth. Looking up at him I saw the most gorgeous sight I had ever seen. If I thought Jasper was gorgeous to begin with. Jasper coming was infinitely better. His head was thrown back, the muscles on his neck straining. The look of euphoria on his face was breathtaking. I wanted to see it again. I wanted to be the one that put it there. I continued to suck him, lapping up all of his deliciousness until he was done. Releasing him with a pop he collapsed back on to the bed. Trying to regain control over his breathing as he watched Edward and me. I fell onto my elbows, focusing on the feeling of Edward fucking the hell out of me. It was incredible. I loved it and him in return for making me feel this way. The feeling of him filling me again and again. I never wanted it to stop. But I was close to my release. So damn close. "Edward," escaped from my lips. It was all I could get out. Too over come with the pleasure he was giving me. "God, Bella, you are so fucking tight. So wet. You feel too damn good. I never want to stop fucking you." He continued his assault on my core, increasing his pace. Grunting and swearing at each thrust. His words bringing me closer to the precipice. So very close to where I wanted to be. "Bella, I'm so close. You have to cum for me, baby." "Edward, I close too. Gah, fuck me harder." And he did. Applying more force, if that was possible, to his thrusts. It felt like he was going to break me in half. It was wonderful and glorious but still not enough. I needed more. As if it knew what I needed, the hand on my stomach reached down and brushed my aching clit. Gently at first and then pinching it roughly. That was it. That was what I needed. My previous best orgasm ever was again knocked out of the park by this one. It was intense. My body was alight with the inferno of it. Fireworks went off. My whole body was filled with pleasure. Every nerve pulsed with it. I screamed out his name loudly as I clenched around him. Me coming on his cock was what he apparently needed. He fell over the edge with me. Growling out my name and what I was making him feel, he continued to pump into me as I milked him.

After we were done he pulled out. I collapsed onto my stomach on the bed. Completely spent. I was only slightly aware that he removed the condom, disposing of it before collapsing next to me. I lay between the two of them filled with love for them. There was no awkwardness between us. Well at least yet, but I would think about that later. Right now I just wanted to revel in what had just happened. Grabbing Jasper's hand I squeezed gently, feeling bad for having left him out of the past couple of minutes. He smiled a blinding smile at me. Moving closer he gently kissed my lips. His other hand brushed the hair out of my face. His touch let me know that everything would be okay. Reassuring me that all was well with us. Edward caressed my spine, moving closer to me. Placing butterfly kisses on my shoulder. The love that they had for me, be it platonic or romantic, filled me. Making me warm in my heart. As if they were telling me what had happened was right, something natural. I wasn't really sure what I felt for them anymore. The lines had become blurry. I know I still loved Edward but what concerned me was that I might have ruined any chance with him now. But Jasper I now saw in a new light. I didn't know how that changed my feelings for him. A frown made its way to my mouth, creasing my brow at the thoughts muddling about in my head. Jasper, seeing my face, cupped my cheek in concern. "Bella, are you okay, sweetheart?" he asked gently. Well, that was a loaded question that I did not want to think about or answer. I put those thoughts out of my head for now. Rolling over unto my back I lifted myself to my elbows. I looked at them with a raised eyebrow and sexy smirk on my face. "Well boys, ready for round two?" They looked at me in shock like I had grown a second head or something. Not believing that I was up for more. "What?" I said shrugging my shoulders. "Ummm," and "hmmm," was the only response I got from them. I guess they were too overwhelmed by my sexiness to respond. Seeing that I would have to take control I moved to straddle Jasper's hips, rubbing my lower lips along his length. My actions started round two. There were several more rounds until we all fell exhausted and spent under the covers cuddling with each other. The boys drifted off into a deep

peaceful sleep. That brought me out of the memory and back to the present. Which was me in between the two of them as they slept soundly. My mind was still trying to work out what happened between us. My emotions and feelings were all jumbled together in an ever increasing knot. I really couldn't figure anything out until I knew how they felt. I sighed knowing that I needed sleep. Kissing them each on the forehead lightly, I snuggled into their embrace. Knowing that the morning light would bring only a few answers and many more questions. My last thought as I drifted off was that I was loved. Regardless of everything else, I knew that they loved me and that was enough. And that I didn't know if the combination of Pretty Woman and Jagermeister was a good thing or the devil itself.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "Ooh now my body is starting to quiver An' the palms of my hands gettin' wet oh. I got no reason to doubt you baby, It's all a terrible mess. An' I'll run in the rain 'til I'm breathless, When I'm breathless I'll run 'til I drop, hey!" Fool in the Rain-Led Zepplin A soft brush of lips on my brow roused me from my sleep. I opened my eyes to find Bella curled around me sleeping peacefully. I was startled at first and then remembered why she was here in my bed. We had slept together. Well maybe not slept, but fucked. A lot. It had been a sexual fantasy of mine come to life. And it had been fan-fucking-tastic. Erotic and sweet and kinky and eye opening. I didn't know that Bella could be like that; a sex kitten.

Who knew? It's always the quiet ones they say. Yeah, but what now? What happens now? Dude, I don't know but a repeat would be nice. And maybe some one on one action. The ramifications of what had happened were not clear yet. Not knowing what my two best friends thought of what had transpired. Me … I was thinking that this might be a nice new aspect to our friendship. I didn't mind sharing her as long as it was only with him. No one else could have her though. Just him and I. Well, the three of us together. It had always been the three of us. Since well … forever. There was not an aspect of my life that they didn't touch or influence. And honestly I liked it that way. I don't know if that was how long we'd been friends or the fact that we all just clicked. We could be together in pairs but it only felt whole, complete and right when it was the three of us. No one understood me like they did. And trust me, I had looked. Looked for someone that got it, got me. I hadn't found anyone yet and didn't really want to. I was content with how things were. Just the three of us. Edward, Bella and me. As it had always been. As it should be. But is being with them holding me back? Holding me back from finding someone? You've looked, man. You haven't found it. Maybe this is where you should be. Maybe, but maybe I am too chicken shit to really step away. To leave. Dude, get over it. Being here makes you happy. Sighing, I knew I wouldn't find any answers tonight. Instead I looked at Bella. Taking her in, seeing her in a new light. She was gorgeous, and I had always thought so. But now it was different. She was different. I couldn't exactly put a finger on what was different though. During our activities earlier I had noticed the changes as they happened. She looked both softer and harder to me at the same time. Her eyes dark chocolate browns eyes sparkled with something I had never seen in them before. As if she could see deep into my soul, all of my secrets laid out for her. It had been unnerving to say the least. But wonderful, to be connected to someone, anyone that way.

Hair that matched her eye color was more luxurious then before, more … sexy I guess. Her skin seemed more luminous as if it glowed. Her lips were fuller and softer. Kissable. Fuckable. Down boy. You can't think like that right now. You have to focus. Focus on your feelings. What if I don't want to? And feelings … what am I, a girl? Well, too bad. You have to. You have to sort out what you feel for her and for him. So you can plan what to do next. And no not a girl, an adult. Bah, okay. I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her. Or at least I didn't think I was. Last night had definitely muddled everything; the lines had blurred. I was suddenly afraid that they may never be clear and in focus again. She was like a sister to me and yet she wasn't at the same time. Before last night my feelings for her had been clear. Big brotherly affection, best friend camaraderie and maybe very slightly romantic feelings of wanting to take care of her all combined together into one big mess of emotion. It was confusing but at least I knew where I stood. She was just Bella, my Bella, or our Bella. And I was Jasper. And he was Edward. Then there was Edward to consider or at least Edward's feelings for Bella. He had never come right out and said it but I knew he was in love with her. His feelings for her were not platonic at all, though those platonic ones were there too. He had been in love with her for a long ass time. And no sly prodding on my part to make him admit it to her or me had worked. He probably was afraid. Pussy. He was afraid of how it would change things between us. Afraid she didn't feel the same. Bella's feelings on the other hand, I had no fucking clue. She shared almost everything with me. I was her confidant but she had not confided in me what she felt for us beyond the love she had for us as her best friends. But being with her, tasting her, fucking her and kissing her had thrown everything off. Tilted my world on its axis and to be honest I kind of liked it. I liked the upside downness of it all. Liked where this all might lead. The three of us together, the same as always but more intimate. To share ourselves with each other instead of letting outsiders have that privilege. That's a great idea but would they go for it?

Doesn't hurt to ask, does it? But talk about awkward… Dude, you fucked her seven ways to Sunday last night while he watched and joined in. It's not as if I hadn't thought of it before. Having her in that way. But in my fantasies Edward had not been included. But there was no way to not include him in this. It would be too awkward for it to be just Bella and me, too intimate, too close, and too dangerous. Too dangerous of falling in love with her and ruining your friendship forever you mean. Yeah, that would be bad. Rolling onto my back, I stared at the ceiling trying to come to a conclusion of what I was feeling and what I wanted to happen next. Nothing seemed to make sense except that last night had felt right, felt natural. Closing my eyes, the events of last night replayed through my head. Bella had beaten us at Guitar Hero yet again. So she got to pick the movie. Fucking Pretty Woman. Was she trying to kills us with estrogen? She said we could play the accompanying drinking game and that was always a good thing in my book. A drunken Bella was a fun Bella. Edward and I encouraged her to drink as often was appropriate. Cause that shit was downright funny. She was always entertaining when she drank. More outgoing, more uninhibited and funnier then usual. I knew that she wasn't drunk when things had started to happen last night. That she was in charge of all of her faculties. I was just shocked that she had gone there. That she had wanted to go there. When she had straddled Edward and kissed him my jaw hit the floor. When their kiss was over the air was thick with tension. I, being the dumbass that I am, made some smartass remark to try and clear some of it out. Her response left me stunned and then without thinking about it I was suddenly kissing her. I determined then and there kissing her would never be a bad thing from now on. Her lips were soft but still insistent. The feelings that her lips stirred in me were strange and new. But I liked them. It had been passionate, like smoldering embers but not a full blown fire. That alone was something else entirely; I had never felt anything close to that with all of my conquests before last night. There had been no heat before her and I wondered if there would be heat with anyone else after her. The night had progressed in a way I never thought possible. I had tasted her; she had tasted

me. I had felt her cum in my mouth and around my cock. And each time was better then the previous time to it. The sight of her climaxing was truly a sight to behold. She had never looked lovelier, more gorgeous and sexier then in the throws of passion, lust and desire. It was something that I planned on seeing again and again. And her taste. Oh my god, her taste. I wanted to drink her in forever. I could feast off of her for eternity. The taste of her skin was exquisite as well. She tasted like sunshine and rain and flowers and sweetness. After tasting her neck for the first time I knew I wanted to lick her all over. And I did just that. But before I allowed myself to really taste her last night, before I let things progress I had to know. I had to know that Edward was okay with sharing her with me. I needed to know that me being with her was okay given that he was in love with her. Right as I was really going to taste her for the first time I looked up at them asking for permission. Her scent filled my senses, making me crazy with need and lust. But I had to know. She nodded yes and begged me to continue. But Edward, his was the approval I was looking for; his approval was the one I really needed. Our eyes locked. I silently asked him if this was okay, asking him to finally acknowledge his feelings for her, asking him to let me have her and asking him if it felt right for him too. I saw it in his eyes, the love he had for her. I saw that this situation was alright with him. That it felt right for him just as it did for me. That he was excited to be doing what we were doing. I saw something else too though. But it was gone in a flash before I could recognize it. We nodded in agreement that this was good for all of us. That we would treat her right. That we would worship her. That we would bring her so much pleasure. That we would make sure she felt loved. Felt cherished. Because she deserved nothing less from anybody especially us. And finally I got to fucking taste her. And it was heaven. Her watching me taste her, watching me make her feel like that and watching me make her cum was amazing. I knew I had skills in that area. I had been complimented and praised for my abilities several times. But going down on Bella was the best out of them all, hands down. She made me feel like a fucking Sex God. Fuck. Being with Bella was simply the best. She was the best I had ever had. And I had had a lot. It stunned me that my best friend, my clumsy daydreamer quiet Bella would be the best. That she could be like that. That she could be sexy and playful and naughty and commanding. When it was finally my turn to be with her, be in her, I actually thought I might pass out

from the pure ecstasy of it. She seemed to fit, like she was made for me, molding around my length perfectly. Bella had crawled over me, moving her hot, wet core along my hardening length trying to tease me. We had just finished what she had called 'round one.' I was surprised that she had already recovered from the intense pounding that Edward had just given her. But recovered she was. Leaning down she kissed, licked and nibbled up my abs and chest. Brushing her tongue along the creases of my muscles and biting gently at my nipples. Everywhere her tongue and teeth touched was instantly on fire and sweat broke out across my body. I was actually trembling in anticipation of what was to come. Getting to my collarbone, she sucked greedily. She would definitely leave a mark. It was almost as if she was marking me as hers, staking her claim to the world that I belonged to her and her alone. At the time I had no problem with that whatsoever and laying there next to her I still didn't. As far as wanting to be with anyone else after her, the minute she took me into her mouth I was hers. I didn't want anyone else after that. Her teasing my cock with the movements of her hips combined with her wicked mouth was becoming too much in that moment. I needed to be in her. Needed it like I needed air. "Bella. Stop. Fucking. Teasing. Me," I growled out through clenched teeth as I grabbed her hips pulling her against me. "Who's teasing, Jazz? I fully intend to finish this," she purred into my neck. "Then do it," I hissed back. Sitting up with my back against the headboard, I settled her over me. She grabbed a condom from the bedside table and slowly rolled it on. I was so close already and we'd barely begun again. With one quick thrust I filled her to the hilt and just stopped. I was trying not to drown in the sensation of her. Trying not to cum right then. The feeling of her hot and wet and tight around me was almost too much. I took a moment to comprehend what was happening. That I was fucking Bella. Bella, who was my best friend. Bella, who I knew better than anyone. Bella, who knew me better than anyone. Bella, who was just, well … Bella. Than she started to move and all thought left my mind. It was slow at first, then building to a hurried pace, my hands on her hips helping to guide her, our foreheads touching.

We were losing ourselves in the feeling of finally being together. There were no words to describe it. It was more than physical; there was an emotional connection there as well. Edward came up behind her, pressing his cock against her back and ass. Her movements were creating the friction he was looking for. His hands came around her middle to press her to him tighter as he started to move his hips against her. Setting his rhythm that matched our own. I could fell his hips brush the outside of my fingers as she rocked on my dick. It was slightly erotic and weird all at the same time. One of his hands palmed her breast, pinching her nipple between the space of his thumb and index finger. His other hand went to where we were joined and began rubbing her clit. The new added stimulation made her moan out both our names loudly. Her head fell back onto his shoulder. She turned up to kiss him along his jaw as her hands moved to tangle in his hair. It was the most erotically sexy thing I had every seen. My grasp on her tightened and my hips stared to thrust into her. "Fuck Bella, you feel amazing. Better than I ever imagined," I managed to hiss out between my movements. My words got her attention and she returned her gaze to me. A knowing, sexy smirk across crossed her lips as she said, "Imagined me like this, have you Jazz?" "Yes, fuck yes. But it was never like this. You were never like this." "I'm just full of surprise now, aren't I," she purred out, an arm coming around my back to pull me closer to her. My face rested in the hollow of her throat. I darted out my tongue to dip into it, laving her with it. We were all impossibly close now. I could feel Edward's heavy panting brush against my shoulder. The two of us were pressed tight against her. So close but it somehow seemed not close enough. As I continued to suck and lick at her neck and collarbone, I felt her walls begin to clench around me. I knew she was close and hell, so was I. I bit down hard on her neck; I wanted to mark her as she had marked me. My unexpected action caused her climax to start. Her body trembled between us as she quivered around my cock. Just as Edward had earlier, the feeling of her cumming on me made me cum as well. And I was just lost in it. My eyes rolled back in my head as I slumped back against the headboard. I let the best

orgasm of my life wash me over. I was vaguely aware of Bella screaming out my name along with a string of profanities. All I could manage to get out was "Fuck" and "Bella." I was too far gone to do anything more. Letting wave after wave roll over me, I embraced the feeling, drowned in it. Finally after quite a long time I was back on earth and Bella was slumped against me. Our breathing still ragged. Our hearts still racing. The absurdity and all around happiness of what had just happened got the better of me and I began to laughed. A deep full-chested laugh that shook Bella. She looked up at me through half-lidded eyes like I was crazy. Then she proceeded to laugh as well, dropping her forehead to my chest. We were both shaking with our laughter when I looked at Edward. He was looking on as if we were nuts before finally joining in after a minute. It was great. The release of whatever tension might have been there was gone. It was just the three of us cracking up for no reason at all. Bella saying my name in her sleep brought me back to the present. I looked over at her and she said it softly again. There was love behind it. What kind of love I did not exactly know. I felt myself starting to drift off into sleep again so I rolled onto my side, trying to get as close to her as I could. My body and mind were flooded with feelings of contentment. I still didn't know how I really felt about her. Or how what had happened would change all of our relationship. I only knew that my feelings for her had changed. They had changed into something I did not know but it was definitely something I had never felt before. Could it be love? I had never been in love before. Honest to goodness, real love. The idea was simply foreign to me. I only knew I wanted to be with her again. I know that I didn't want to be with anyone else and I wanted for her to be with us only. That I wanted to wake up every morning with her next to me. My final thought before I fell into slumber was that no matter what happened, I wouldn't let go. I couldn't let go. They were my life and the very best parts of me.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "It's bugging me Grating me And twisting me around Yeah I'm endlessly Caving in And turning inside out" Hysteria - Muse Tickling; something was tickling my nose. I wiggled my nose, trying to make it stop. It only made the tickling sensation worse. Opening my eyes from my not so peaceful sleep, I realized that the tickling was hair. Not my hair though; my hair didn't smell like strawberries and love and freesia and forever. Bella. Ah, My Bella. Then it all came crashing back to me. What had happened last night. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was so very fucked. Rolling unto my back, I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to get my body not to respond to her intoxicating smell. It was an exercise in futility as 'Little Eddie' was already at full mast. My body always responded to her smell. That was why I always wore long t-shirts or button down shirts to hide the obvious erection that happened whenever she was in a three foot radius of me. Fuck! It's not going away. What am I going to do? Well, she is right there. You could always… NO! No, I have to think. What, think about what a dumb fuck you are?

Yeah, that and what I am going to do next. I got out of bed quietly so as to not wake Jasper and Bella. Closing the bedroom door softly behind me, I made my way to my bathroom. Little Eddie was desperately looking for attention. I tried my best to push the thoughts of the fucked up situation I had gotten myself into off to the side and started to stroke myself, mystified that I could still be aroused after having cum several times last night. Guess it's the stamina that all the swimming and running gave me. Or the fact that you haven't had actual pussy in what … a year. Yeah, that too. Focusing back on my dick, images from last night played behind my closed eyes as I bit my lower lip and pumped my fist up and down. Bella smiling … Bella taking me into her mouth … kissing Bella … both of us fucking Bella … Bella cumming. Bella when she was cumming was definitely a sight that I wanted to see again. To watch her lose herself in the pleasure that we gave her was indescribable. I had always imagined and dreamed what it would be like to be with her, to bring her to her peak. But the reality was so much fucking better than anything my mind had come up with. Swirling my thumb over the head of my cock, I spread the pre-cum around as one particular event from last night came to the forefront of my mind. It was far along into the evening, almost at the end of the fuckfest that had taken place. I was stretched out on my back, feet facing towards the headboard. I had just finished going down on Bella for the second or third time. She had been blowing Jasper again while I was pleasing her. I had not gotten a happy ending during that 'round' as Bella was calling them. Jasper was sitting up against the headboard with a shit eating grin on his face. He was obviously euphoric at just have her lips around him while he fucked her mouth. I wanted to punch him in the face hard, but somehow resisted the urge. Bella had collapsed across my legs, her stomach pressing into my thighs. I moved my legs to get her attention. My cock was rock hard and in need to be in her again. Looking up at me through half lidded eyes, her hair falling over her face, she was a vision. She had never looked sexier, lovelier and more fuckable than she did at that moment. I felt the love that I had for her bubble up to the surface, almost coming forth from my mouth. Biting it back down, I brushed the hair back from her face gently. "Tired, honey?" I asked her tenderly, trying to convey with my tone the depth of my

feelings for her. Not speaking, she only shook her head 'no' and moved so her head was laying on my upper thigh. I felt her soft, warm breaths along my length. The sweet sensation made my cock twitch. Grasping my cock with her tiny hands, she started to stroke my length. I hissed with pleasure, my head thrown back, neck muscles straining at the sensation of her warm hands on me. I tried to fight the urge to grab and claim her, and instead focused on the feeling of her hands on me. I had been doing that a lot tonight, fighting the urge, the need; to claim her, to mark her, to tell her and to make her mine. If I thought my self restraint had been tested before I had actually done anything with her, it was nothing compared to what I had to fight after I'd kissed her, touched her, tasted her and fucked her. She moved to take me into her mouth. As pleasing as that was, the thought that Jasper had just been in there was not. I grabbed her under her arms and pulled her up to lay atop me. Her whole body was pressed against mine; my erection pressing into the soft skin of her belly. She was so light I barely noticed the weight. My hands ran up and down her back, caressing her skin there. My touch left goosebumps in their wake and I felt her nipples harden against my chest. That I could do that to her, make her feel like that still amazed me. Even after having experienced it first hand several times tonight. Spreading her thighs, she moved down slightly and she straddled my hips. Her wet pussy pressed against my dick, and she sat up while putting her hands on my chest. Rising slightly, she lowered herself onto me. My first thought was that I wasn't wearing a condom; she had always made sure we were wearing one before right now. The second being fuck it because it felt too damn good. Her around me; wet, hot and tight like she was made for me. We fit together perfectly. No one had ever felt more right than her. I grabbed her hips to help her move over me. This was different than the other times. It was softer, slower, and sweeter. Before this it was always frenzied and rough like we couldn't get enough of each other. My eyes meet her deep brown ones. Her eyes pierced right through me; when she looked at me as she was now I felt as if she could see into my soul. I felt like she could see in my eyes the love I tried to hide from her. I decided then to let those feelings show now. I wanted her to know what I felt for her. She closed her eyes, as if what she saw in mine was too much to take in. The depth of what she saw too overwhelming for her. A soft "Edward" escaped her lips.

It was nearly my undoing. My name coming from her mouth in such a, dare I say, loving way. Choking back a sob, I whimpered back, "Bella." It was too much. These feelings, this intense love I had for her. I had repressed it for too long. The dam broke and it came flooding out of me into her. I wasn't fucking her now; I was making love to her. I tugged on her arms lightly, and she crashed into my chest. I attacked her lips feverishly just trying to get across how much I loved her. All thoughts of Jasper and what he was doing at the moment fled my mind. It was just Bella and me, the two of us sharing our bodies and souls. My hands fisted in her hair and I brought her lips closer to mine. I needed them again. Needed them like I needed air. Savoring the sweet sultry taste of her, my tongue battled with hers. It was as if she wanted to convey something to me. Maybe it was love. I wasn't that fucking lucky though. There was no way that she loved me. No way in hell. I would have seen it at some point. The way I obsessively watched her every movement, I would have seen it. It must be lust and need. Yeah, that was it. But at that point I didn't care. I was loving her. That was all that mattered. Her rhythm began to speed up; I was thrusting my hips into her now. Wanting more, more of whatever this was. Much too soon I felt her clench around me, her orgasm close. Mine was too. I wanted to feel it, feel skin on skin as she came on me. Nipping at her bottom lip, I thrust into her hard one last time. She exploded around me as I spilled into her. It was phenomenal, the orgasm. It flooded my body making me tremble all over. Wave upon wave of euphoric sensation washed over me. I drowned in it, letting it take over my body. Consume me. Pull me under. The feeling of something wet and sticky on my hand brought me back to the present.

The present being me jacking off in my bathroom as I relived the greatest sexual experience of my life. Without realizing it I had cum, too lost in the memory of making love to Bella and the best orgasm I'd ever experienced. Cleaning up, my erection was now satiated, and I went to the living room to pick up. In our rush last night we'd left the TV on and beer bottles strewn about the room. I wasn't tired; sleep the farthest thing from my mind. I had to figure out what to do now. What to do about our friendship. What to do with my feelings for Bella. What we were going to do in the aftermath of what had happened. These thoughts were too heavy to deal with this early in the morning, but deal with them I must. I knew that things could not go back to the way they were before last night. That was impossible. We couldn't just forget that it had happened. It was too huge, too big to forget. First, I guess I was in love with Bella. I had been for eternity it seemed. I'd first realized it during our drunken bumbling make out session when we were fifteen. Both inexperienced at what we were doing, it was awkward and wonderful at the same time. Chuckling at the memory, I remembered I had been a two pump chump that night. Never having had anyone's hands but my own on my dick, I came with two quick strokes of Bella's hand. I had wanted to die of embarrassment. But I had loved her ever since. It grew over time to where now it was an all consuming fire within me. I was sure that she was my soul mate. She had to be. The depth of my feeling for her ran too deep for her to be anything but. The problem was I had yet to tell her or anyone yet. Too scared of rejection. Too afraid of what it would do to her, Jasper and mine's friendship. Besides my feelings for Bella that was the most important thing to me, our friendship. Nine years dude. Nine fucking years you've loved her and haven't done anything. Yeah, I'm a chicken shit pussy, I know. Then there was Bella herself to consider. She was perfection to me. My heaven, my hell, my savior, my destroyer, my everything. I didn't want to share her. I wanted her to be only mine as it should be. I wanted her to belong to me as I already belonged to her in a way. But that was not to be, well at least not now. Not after last night. When Jasper had looked up at me from between her thighs seemingly asking for permission, I wanted to scream out 'No! Hell no!' She was mine, all mine. But like the dumb fuck I am, I let him know that it was okay. When it wasn't, it really wasn't fucking okay. Because if I had stopped it … if I had told him no … I would have had to tell her why.

That I was hopelessly and completely in love with her with every fiber of my being. I couldn't risk her rejecting me. If she did reject me, I would have died, shriveled up inside and just died. So instead I nodded for him to go ahead. I allowed my jealousy and rage at the ironic cruelty of the situation to flare within me for a just second before I forced myself to let it go. Because this way, the three of us together, I could be with her. Even if I had to share her with him, I would take what I could get. Even if it killed me a little to let it happen. Even though it hurt to share her, I would. Because I wanted her; no, I needed her. I wished she wanted me and only me, but she didn't want only me. That much was apparent to me when she had invited Jasper to kiss her. Sitting down on my piano bench I thought back to how this had all started. We were watching that damned movie, Pretty Woman. I would never see it or think of Jagermeister the same way again. Out of the blue, Bella asked me, "Hey Edward, ever have sex on your piano?" "Umm, no," I replied trying not to blush because that very thought had been running through my mind the same second she asked me. Bella and me on my piano going at like animals. "Why not?" Jasper asked. "Umm … because I never had the opportunity to I guess," I replied, desperately trying to think of a way to change the subject but sadly coming up with nothing. "Well, there is no time like the present," Bella said and hopped up from her little pile of pillows to come and stand in between my legs. I looked up at her, trying to see what was going on in her head. "Bella?" was all I managed to get out. Her scent was making my thoughts fuzzy with lust. She shocked the hell out of me when she straddled my lap. Leaning forward, she gently pressed her lips to mine. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. All I could do was let it happen. Thinking finally, finally she could be mine. Maybe, just maybe this was her way of telling me she loved me. Clinging to that hope, I grabbed her hips firmly and deepened the kiss. I was alive, for the first time it felt like I was really alive. Every nerve in my body was tingling, suddenly brought to life with the feeling of Bella's lips pressed against mine. If I thought her smell was intoxicating, her taste was even more drugging to me. She tasted

like grapes and love and sugar and faint traces of her beer. I would never be able to get enough of her taste. The pesky need for air finally forced us to break our kiss. I tried looking into her eyes but she wouldn't meet mine. Jasper made some smartass comment that I didn't hear and broke me out of whatever was going on between Bella and I. Before I could comprehend our kiss, Jasper was kissing my Bella. What the FUCK!! Why is he kissing MY BELLA? Jealously and anger flared within me at the sight. I grabbed Bella's hips tighter. Begging her to stop. To look at me. Me, the one who loved her. But she didn't stop. She reached up, putting her hand to the back of my head and pulled me into her neck. Her scent flooded my senses again. I didn't care anymore if Jasper was kissing her. I wanted my lips on her again. Kissing up her neck, I sucked on the flesh beneath her ear. She moaned out and it was the best sound I had ever heard in my life up until that point. She moved her neck back, exposing more skin for me to love on. I made sure to kiss, nip and lick every inch. I was drunk off the taste of her but I wanted more, needed more of her. She moaned again. Whether at Jasper's or my actions or a combination of the both, I didn't know. I pulled her closer to me. Her hips started to move against me. I could have died and gone to heaven at that moment. Instead I said into her ear, "You like this, don't you, Bella? Like the two of us kissing you? You want more don't you, you dirty little girl?" That finally got her attention and she looked me in the eyes. It seemed that we stared at each other for an eternity. It was as if the world stood still and everything I felt for her was just there waiting to get out. I knew that my eyes were filled with the lust, want and love I felt for her. I just hoped that she would see it and understand. So many things passed over her eyes too quickly for me to catch them all. But one I did catch and it stayed with me. Hope. I saw hope in her eyes. Then she was kissing me again. It was more insistent and forceful then the last one. Then Jasper, damn him to hell, took my previous position and was kissing her neck. I wanted to hate him but I couldn't. She was just as much his as she was mine, and she always had been. But he didn't know that I loved her. If he did, I am sure he would not have been kissing her.

My stomach growled and the memory of the kiss faded. Getting up from my piano bench, I went to the kitchen to get a snack. I could see light starting to stream in through the window. Opening the fridge, I became aware of my nakedness. Well, I guess you can walk around the house naked now. Nothing that they haven't seen before. Taking out some juice and grapes, I hopped up on the countertop to eat my snack, the granite cold against my bare skin. It woke me up. My thoughts drifted to Jasper. Jasper, my best friend since birth. Jasper, who I loved as a brother. Jasper, who I wanted to hate for having touched Bella. But I couldn't … I had no claim to Bella, at least not one that we didn't share. She is ours. Not mine. No, but you want her to be. Yeah, but I don't think it's in the cards. A part of me felt like he should have known my feelings even though I had never voiced them. But he didn't. He couldn't have, because if he did and went along with what happened that was all kinds of wrong. Our friendship was strong, but I didn't know if it would survive this. I hoped it would. I didn't want to contemplate a life without them. That was incomprehensible to me. They were my life. If I pushed aside my jealousy at Jasper and my feelings for Bella, I could admit that last night felt right. Felt good. It brought us closer together in a way. Finally sharing the one thing we had never shared before. Closing the circle of experiences the three of us existed in. I didn't know what I wanted to happen after though. Did I want to continue with this arrangement? The thought of being with her again, even if I had to share her, was a good one. Sure it would hurt to share her, but at least I would be with her even if it wasn't in the way that I wanted. I had been cruel to her the first time we fucked. I was upset at the turn in events and I had wanted to punish her for it. I had always imagined our first time as loving and gentle and amazing. Sharing ourselves with one another after confessing the love we had for one another. But that was not how it was to be. She was on her knees with her mouth around Jasper's cock. The sight, though erotic, made

my jealousy bubble to the surface. I had said some dirty things to her earlier. Telling her that it was going to be rough. That she would enjoy it. At the heart of it, I said those things so I could do what I was about to do. Make her hurt like she had hurt me, for her rejection of me. Fuck her senseless until I couldn't feel anything anymore. Anger at the two of them took me over for a moment, and that anger made me act out. I wanted to kill Jasper for touching her. She was mine, was supposed to be mine alone. Then she went and said, "Edward, I thought you said something about fucking me. Are you going to get around to it sometime in this century?" "Tut tut, Bella. Patience. Good things come to those who wait," I said trying to control the anger in me. "Yeah, but I am an impatient bitch. Now just do it," she had grunted back. That was it: my breaking point. I both hated and loved her. Loved her for who she was but hated her for not loving me back. I reached for a condom from Jasper's drawer and rolled it on quickly. "You asked for it," I said with no emotion and thrust into her roughly. I couldn't move. If I moved, I would cum. I didn't want to cum yet. I wanted to prolong this as long as I could manage. If this was the only time I would ever be in her I wanted it to last as long as possible. She felt like heaven, pure unadulterated heaven. Tight and wet and hot and fucking incredible. Dropping her head, she let out what sounded like "fuck" but I wasn't sure. Being the cocky ass that I am I said "What was that, Bella? I didn't hear you." "I said 'fuck,' Edward. Happy now?" she spat back at me. "Not quite yet," I said, withdrawing and slamming back into her. I did it again and again. All of my love, fear, hate, lust, jealously, desire and anger going into each thrust. Taking all of it out on her, making her feel what she had done to me. "Now I'm happy," I grunted out as the weight of the emotions left me each time I slid into her. She went back to the task of blowing Jasper. I could see her head bob up and down on his length. But I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to look at him because if I did I would lose it. Not sure of what I would do, I focused on her head moving and the feeling of being inside of her.

Raising a hand, she cupped Jasper's balls. I reached an arm around her middle to support her weight. The new angle allowed me to bury myself deeper into her. I was close. Too fucking close for my liking. Jasper came soon after, spilling into her mouth. I wanted to be him, wanted to have her drink me in. But I was the lucky son of a bitch who got to fuck her first. Curses and grunts came out of my mouth with each thrust. I had never fucked someone this hard before. Never had a reason to before now. Being with her was like nothing I had ever felt before. The pleasure of being in her ran throughout my entire body. Filled me up and overflowed out of me and back into her. A soft "Edward" escaped her lips again. It was all I could do to keep from cumming. "God, Bella, you are so fucking tight. So wet. You feel too damn good. I never want to stop fucking you," I groaned out. At my words her walls tightened around me. As I increased my movements, I was trying to bring her to her peak. I wanted to feel her climax around me, but I was close though. "Bella, I'm so close. You have to cum for me, baby." "Edward, I close too. Gah, fuck me harder." And I did. My hips were a blur as I fucked her. The hand on her stomach reached down to brush against her clit. Her walls quivered around me at the sensation. I pinched the throbbing bundle of nerves hard. That was all she needed and started to spasm on my cock, screaming out my name. That was all I needed and I came with a vengeance, all the fear and hate and love and anger I was feeling going with it. I called out her name as our bodies trembled at our release. Our breathing ragged, our hearts racing as we both reveled in the feeling of being together. After we came back down from our highs, I pulled out of her and she collapsed onto the bed. I quickly discarded the condom and collapsed next to her. Everything that I had been feeling before was gone. Well, almost … the jealousy was still there but it wasn't as strong. The love was there, stronger actually, if that was possible. The sound of the fridge turning on brought me out of my memory for the third time this morning. I hopped down and padded back to Jasper's room. I wanted to be with them when

they woke up. I still didn't know how they would feel about last night and that fact left me unable to decide what to do. I loved Bella and wanted to be with her, but I knew she didn't want me that way. At the same time I didn't know if I could go on sharing her with Jasper. If I could keep the anger and jealously in check. But if she loved me that would be different. Maybe she does though. Maybe last night changed something. Maybe, maybe not. Opening the door, I spied my two best friends. They were on their sides facing one another. Bella's arm and leg were thrown over Jasper. I let out a happy sigh at the sight. It was sweet and gentle to see the two of them wrapped around one another. Regardless of my feelings for Bella, I loved them, I did. Always had and no matter what happened I always would. This would either be great or end really badly. As long as I had them it would be okay. It had to be, because … it just had to. I couldn't lose either of them to this. Crawling back in bed under the covers, I spooned up against Bella. Her scent instantly made me hard again. As soon as her warmth enveloped me, my mind was made up. I would share her, even though it would kill me to do it. It would be okay because it meant that I could be with her. Not all of her, but a part of her. And that was enough for now. Because something, even if it killed you a little bit every time, was better than nothing. And after touching her, kissing her, tasting her and having her I could never be without her again. She was my obsession, my passion, my life and my reason for being and probably ultimately would be my downfall. I kissed the silky smooth skin of her back as my decision solidified in my mind. My arm pulled her closer into me so I could mold myself around her small frame. A hand traced lazy patterns on her hip. It was time to love her. To show her with my touch and kisses what I couldn't yet express with words. That I loved her.

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##### ##### ##### Chapter: 4

AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "Heaven help me for the way I am Save me from these evil deeds Before I get them done I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand" Criminal-Fiona Apple I slowly awoke the next morning to featherlite kisses being placed in the valley between my breasts and along my shoulder blades. Jasper was nuzzling my breast as Edward kissed along my back. Edward was spooned flush to my back. His fingers drawing slow lazy circles on my hip. I could feel him hard against the small of my back. Jasper, on the other hand, was molded to my front. My leg and arm were thrown over his side bringing him closer as his hand brushed lightly up and down my inner arm. This was different from last night. It was slow and gentle, without the sense of urgency that had permeated the night before. They were touching me reverently like I was something to be cherished and worshipped. It's almost as if they are ... No ... they couldn't be ... could they? I had the feeling that something had changed while I had slept. Not really sure of what it was, I pushed the thought aside. I could always think about that later. Instead I immersed myself in what was happening right now. And right now I was being worshipped. My breathing hitched as the onslaught of sensation overtook me. A low purr escaped my lips. The touches and caresses only became more insistent now that they knew I was awake. Edward's hand moved from my hip to the juncture of my legs. Fingers searched for and found my bundle of nerves. My back arched into the touch, my body wanting more. Jasper took a soft peak into his mouth, it instantly hardened as he swirled his tongue over it. Even after the activities of last night the desire that bloomed in me still felt new.

And it was new. This was desire but something else too. Something I didn't want to name yet. Something that scared the shit out of me. It was too much. Too much of the unnamed feeling. No ... I don't want this. Not from them. Do I? It's too confusing. It has to be just sex. Just sex for this to work. Well, what are you gonna do about it? Stop. This has to stop. I need to stop this before it goes too far. In a move so very unlike me I decided to approach the situation head on. Not avoiding things for once in my life. I needed to do this. Figure it out. Face it. Face what had happened last night. Face what would happen this morning. Face the consequences of what I had initiated. Face how I very well might have made the biggest mistake of my life. Face my feelings for Edward and the new confusing feelings I had for Jasper. Face how I had probably ruined my chance to be with Edward forever. Face the fact that we needed to talk. Talk about what to do next. I bolted up from between them quickly and threw on Edward's shirt and Jasper's boxers. I couldn't look at them as I slipped the clothes on. Not quite ready to have the talk just yet, I needed a moment to myself. A moment to figure out where to start. "I'll be right back," I mumbled and headed towards the bathroom. As I entered the bathroom, I glanced back and saw perplexed expressions on both of their faces. They would figure it out soon enough. I took a minute to take care of morning necessities. After I was done I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I was a mess: brown hair in a bird's nest, swollen lips, neck and jaw slightly red with stubble burn and dark circles under my eyes. Looking like I had had a rough night. And it had definitely been a rough but incredible night. Regardless of what the outcome of my actions would be, I then and there chose not to regret what happened last night. I couldn't undo it. Nothing could change what had happened between us. I wanted, no needed for it to be okay, for us to be okay. Because I don't think I could live with myself if it wasn't. The guilt was already starting to eat away at me. Okay, Bella, think. Think about what you want to do.

Well, right now my body wants me to crawl back under the covers and let the guys continue what they were doing. But you know you can't. What happened to your little internal decision to face this? Oh, it's still here. I just don't wanna. You have to, babe. I know. Trust me, I know. First I needed to clean myself up a bit. Avoiding... Shut up... I scrubbed my face and brushed out my hair as I tried to look somewhat like myself again. With that taken care of, Edward was the first thing I thought of. This was not that odd, as he always was the first thing I thought of. The second thing being how much I loved him and the third was how afraid I was to tell him. Well, not afraid to tell him. More afraid of what might happen after I told him. I was sure of my feelings. It was his feelings for me that I was completely clueless of. And until I knew those I couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk my heart and our friendship on a chance that he might feel even a little bit of what I felt for him. I was sure he didn't love me. Sure, he loved me as a friend. As Bella the tomboy and klutz. But could he love me as more than a friend? Love me as a lover, a girlfriend and a soulmate. I didn't know and I didn't dare hope that it was possible. Never, he could never. Never say never. Yeah but... But sometimes I would see something in him, in his eyes that gave me hope. Hope that he could return my feelings. It was fleeting and never lasted longer than a momentary flash. It was there all the same though. Last night before I kissed him the second time I saw it. Saw that there was something more. Something more he wasn't telling or showing me. It was with that spark of hope in me I had kissed him with everything I had, everything I was feeling, everything I felt for him.

Then there was a time last night when it was just him and me. Jasper was ... well, I don't know what Jasper was doing. I was too focused on Edward. I was too focused on Edward and how this time it was different. Something different from the overwhelming need that had been present throughout the night up to that point. It was still there but it was an emotional need now instead of just physical. He had lifted me up to where I laid on top of him. My body sank into the warmth of him. It seemed as if I was made to be there; we fit together. As if someone had carved us out of the same stone. I had breathed him in deep as I took his essence into me. He was as essential as air to me now, had been since I had brazenly kissed him the first time. The connection had been made. The die cast. It was need now where it had been a want before. I could admit that now as I stared at myself in the mirror. His fingers traced up and down my spine. It was a loving gesture. He had always been affectionate with me but in a "best friend that I want to protect" way. This was different. It was as if I was absorbing his emotions through osmosis. There was lust, desire, contentment, need but more. So much more of something I had never felt from him before. His erection pressed against my stomach as his fingers on my back conveyed whatever he was feeling. The mixture of the two instantly aroused me. My nipples hardened and I kissed along his collarbone. Sitting up, I moved down to his hips. My center connected with his length. The sensation of being skin on skin with him was beyond anything I had ever felt. An electrical jolt coursed through my body. I wanted more of it, more of him, more of whatever we were doing. I rose up and positioned myself over him, slowly sliding down his unsheathed length. I was on the pill so getting pregnant wasn't a worry and neither was a STD. I knew we were both healthy. Though to be honest, that thought didn't occur to me until after we were done. All I thought about at that moment was the pure bliss coursing through my body. I hoped that he was feeling what I was feeling. As I moved slowly up and down, I reveled in the newness of the experience. He had fucked me several times during last night. But this time ... this was so fundamentally different than all the other times before. This was making love. It had to be. I had never made love before. But that is what this felt like. Looking into his pale green eyes, I saw everything I was feeling starring back at me. He

was experiencing the same everything as me. Felt the difference that I was feeling. It was too much to take in, that he was making love to me. That he felt it too. That there was hope for us. I had to close my eyes before I drowned in that hope and let the words slip from my lips. "Edward" did escape though. I hoped it expressed what I could not let myself say yet. He sobbed out "Bella" and pulled me down to him. Our lips met instantly. We kissed each other as if there was a fire within us that only our lips could extinguish. I put my entire being into our kisses. Hoping that he could feel what I felt for him, the depth of my emotions. His hands grabbed at my hair pulling me deeper into the kiss. It felt as if he was saying he loved me, but also it felt like goodbye. Honestly I was too busy selfishly trying to get my love across to pay close attention to what he was sending back to me. That may have been the greatest of all the mistakes I made last night. The feelings became more intense as our lovemaking did. Our mutual orgasms left us speechless and out of breath. Too overcome with emotion to speak. We just stared at each other panting until our breathing returned to normal. Being the coward I am, I looked away first. I had a lot of firsts last night. A lot of mind blowing experiences. But nothing would top making love with Edward. If nothing else came of last night. If I never told him I loved him. I would have that experience to hold inside of me for the rest of my life. As I remembered our love making, 'Criminal' played and replayed in my head. As if it was my anthem now. "I've done wrong and I want to Suffer for my sins" I knew I had fucked up. Knew it was all my fault. Knew that he would never want to be with me now. Knew I would have to face the consequences of what I had done. Knew I was the only one to blame. You are so very fucked. Tell me something I don't know. How incredibly stupid could you have been?

Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. But now, not so much. Ya think? I knew I had possibly destroyed the one thing that meant more to me than anything. The one thing I knew I couldn't live without: our friendship. I slid down to the floor and brought my knees to my chest to cry. I cried for everything that had gone wrong. For everything that I had probably lost. For everything I would probably never have now. For everything I had brought upon myself. "And I need to be redeemed To the one I've sinned against Because he's all I ever knew of love" The tears fell down my face onto my knees as sobs wracked my body. I didn't want to be me right now. I wanted to be anyone else but me. I didn't know what I would do after I left the bathroom. My thoughts were no clearer now then before I came in here. No decision was yet made. A light knock on the door caught my attention. I stopped crying immediately. Not wanting them to know. "Bella, honey, are you okay in there?" Jasper asked, his voice muffled by the door. "Bella, are you hurt? Do you need anything?" Edward asked next. Well, at least they are both in the same room still. That had to count for something at least. I wiped the tears from my face with the sleeves of Edward's shirt before responding, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a minute please." "Okay. We are going to go make some breakfast. You want eggs or pancakes?" Jazz asked and I could tell be was trying to be reassuring by his tone. "Whatever you two want is fine with me." You are talking about more than breakfast now, aren't you? Yeah ... kinda. That would be the easy thing to do, wouldn't it? Yes, but one I can't let happen. I can't just go with the flow on this one. I just wanted them to go away for a bit. Let me think this through. Let me try and figure it

out before we talked. Leave me alone with my guilt for awhile. I heard the sounds of retreating feet. They knew me well enough to leave me alone. They knew I would come out when I was ready, but not before then. Getting up off the cold floor, I sat down in the bottom of the tub and stretched out my sore muscles. I breathed in and let out a deep sigh. The smell of Jasper surrounded me. Green apples. Jasper tasted and smelled like green apples. I don't know how I never noticed it before last night. It was so strong. Maybe I had been too focused on Edward for so long that Jazz has fallen to the wayside. The thought only made me even sadder and feel guiltier. Jasper. Where did Jasper fit into all of this? What were my feelings for Jasper? Before last night it was an easy answer; now ... I had no idea. Does Jasper feel something too? I could admit that my feelings for Jasper had changed since yesterday. I loved him a little bit more and in a slightly different way. I was not in love with him. My attraction and affection for him was stronger. But it felt as if I was emotionally cheating on Edward even though I was not with him. Where did that leave us? That was the question of the moment. One I did not have an answer too. Okay, Bella. Time to be practical for once in your life. Right, what do practical people do again? Lists. They make lists. Alright. Lists of what? Questions ... Questions? I can do that. The first question I guess was what was I going to do about my feelings for Edward? Umm ... next question please. No, you have to answer.

I loved him with my entire being. So much so that it killed me inside not to be with him. After having been with him it was not possible to not be with him again. The next question then was how much are you willing to sacrifice to be with him? Everything. Even your friendship? No, never. Or at least I don't think so. That, our friendship, is what had kept me from confessing for so long. So how did the events of last night change that? In essence they hadn't changed anything. But in my heart I knew they had. Changed it irrevocably. Is being with him worth more than our friendship? Again I didn't have an answer. At least not one I was going to answer without knowing Edward's feelings first. That was the crux of it all. I didn't know how they felt. How they wanted to proceed. But I needed to know how I did before I faced them. What do you want to do? Bringing out the big questions now, aren't ya. Yep. I want to be with Edward how I was last night and to some certain extent Jasper as well. So you want to continue to have threesomes with them? Umm ... yes. The even bigger question now was why. Why did I want to continue down the path we had started on last night? Because I want to be with Edward plain and simple, but he didn't love me. Or he wasn't in love with me. If he was he wouldn't have let last night happen. Well, aren't you a hypocrite. What? Yes, I was in love with him and I had let last night happen. I had been too wrapped up in what my body wanted to think clearly. I had initiated it as a way to be a coward once again. To deny my feelings for him. It had

been an easy out. But the easy out had become an even bigger problem than finding a possible solution. The guilt weighed heavy on me. The memory that last night had felt like a goodbye from him plagued me. As if he was giving up on something. What something I didn't know. "Oh help me but don't tell me to deny it I've got to cleanse myself Of all these lies till I'm good Enough for him" I made this mess; I was going to figure a way out of it. And yet I didn't think that there was a way out of it. Not a simple one at least. What to do? What to do? That is the million dollar question. It had felt right last night, being with the both of them. But something feeling right didn't automatically make it right, did it? I wanted to continue that much I knew. Exactly in what capacity I did not. Would it always be the three of us? Would there be one on one time? Would we take turns? Would they sleep with someone else besides me? The logistics and math of it all were giving me a headache. Planning and logistics was Jasper's domain. Let him figure that out. My decision was made. I wanted to be with them in that way. What affect it would have on our friendship was not clear. I couldn't tell the future. I hoped it would make our bond stronger. The sharing of ourselves so intimately felt like the right thing to do to me. Are you doing this out of the guilt that you feel? No. I don't think so. This doesn't feel like a decision made out of guilt. It better not be because that would be all kinds of wrong. Yes, I know. Leave me be. I can't because I am you. You are having an argument with yourself here. Yes. I am crazy. I know.

Before going to talk to the guys, I asked myself two last questions. Could we keep it just sex? Would feelings get in the way? I didn't have answers for those questions yet. I got up out of the tub and looked at myself one last time in the mirror. My eyes were red from crying so I splashed some cold water on my face. Better but not perfect. I buttoned two buttons of Edward's shirt across my chest. It's not like they hadn't seen the goods. Time to face the music. Yep, let's get to it. Stealing my resolve, I opened the bathroom door. Fiona's sultry voice continued to play in my head. I didn't yet know the meaning behind my new anthem. Hopefully it would come to me eventually. With a swagger in my hips to the beat of the music in my head, I walked towards the kitchen. Towards my two best friends. Towards whatever this conversation might bring about. "I've been a bad bad girl I've been careless with a delicate man And it's a sad sad world When a girl will break a boy Just because she can Don't you tell me to deny it I've done wrong and I want to Suffer for my sins I've come to you 'cause I need Guidance to be true And I just don't know where I can begin What I need is a good defense 'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal And I need to be redeemed To the one I've sinned against Because he's all I ever knew of love Heaven help me for the way I am Save me from these evil deeds Before I get them done

I know tomorrow brings the consequence At hand But I keep livin' this day like The next will never come Oh help me but don't tell me To deny it I've got to cleanse myself Of all these lies till I'm good Enough for him I've got a lot to lose and I'm Bettin' high So I'm beggin' you before it ends Just tell me where to begin What I need is a good defense 'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal And I need to be redeemed To the one I've sinned against Because he's all I ever knew of love Let me know the way Before there's hell to pay Give me room to lay the law and let me go I've got to make a play To make my lover stay So what would an angel say The devil wants to know What I need is a good defense 'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal And I need to be redeemed To the one I've sinned against Because he's all I ever knew of love What I need is a good defense 'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal And I need to be redeemed To the one I've sinned against Because he's all I ever knew of love" They were seated at the worn Formica kitchen table eating pancakes laughing at something. When they saw me enter they stood up like the gentlemen they were. Jasper was in his t-shirt from last night and a fresh pair of boxers seeing as how I was wearing his from last night. Edward was in his jeans, shirtless. The jeans hung low on his

hip exposing his toned chest and abs and his 'V'. It was obvious that he wasn't wearing any underwear. Both of their hair hopelessly disheveled. They were looking sexier then any two men had the right too. A shot of lust spread from my core through out my body. Not now, it's time to talk. Yeah, maybe after we talk. If everything goes well we can try out the kitchen table. Ohh, I like the way you think. Well, I am you. True true. Well here goes nothing. "Hey, guys. We need to talk."

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. Isabel0329 wrote the Bella POV for this chapter. "A warm wind is sweeping by The suns full in the sky And theres no way of knowing, no way to know know how long it'll last And theres no way of knowing, no way to know know how long it'll last" The First Day of Spring-The Gandarvas Our laughter stopped the moment Bella swaggered into the kitchen looking sexier than I had ever seen her. She was wearing Edward's shirt, my boxers and nothing else.

The skin of her stomach laid bare for us, the hands on her hips keeping the shirt open. She had only bothered to button the two buttons across her breasts. I could make out the gentle swell of the underside of her breast, her nipples visible through the thin fabric of the shirt. With hip cocked to one side and toned legs looking so good, I just wanted to wrap them around my waist. My boxers rode low on her hips and her hip bones peeked over the top. Her hair was falling down her back in a tousled sex hair way. Lips pouty and swollen after so much abuse from the previous night. An eyebrow arched in our direction telling us she meant business. I was instantly hard. I stood up when she entered and thankfully my t-shirt covered my raging hard on. Then it happened. What I had been dreading since she had bolted from my bed this morning. In a husky voice that sent shivers up my spine Bella said "Hey, guys. We need to talk." The four most dreaded words in the English language. We Need to Talk. Nothing good has ever come after those words, ever. No. Please god, not those words. The floor dropped out from under me while the pancakes and coffee I had eaten started to churn in my stomach. I swallowed hard trying to get rid of the awful taste that had formed on my tongue. Dread and fear flooded my body making me tremble slightly. All I could do was stare at her. There was no emotion was on her face. None. I sank heavily down into my chair, staring at the now unappetizing food on my plate. Edward moved to the kitchen to make Bella some fresh pancakes. I couldn't look up. Didn't want to deal with what I knew was coming. The End. It can't be over. No. Twenty years of friendship could survive one night, right? It has too. It just has too.

I wanted to remain in the little bliss bubble that had formed around me since Bella had first kissed me last night. Her words made any hope of what I wished for this morning disappear . A million scenarios ran through my mind too fast to grasp onto any one. I just let them play out. Some dreadful, some catastrophic, some horrendous. A gentle squeeze on my hand brought me out of the scenes of carnage going on in my head. I looked at my hand and saw Bella's delicate hand on mine. My gaze drifted to hers and she squeezed again and smiled. As if to reassure me it would be okay. Letting out the breath I wasn't aware I had been holding, I smiled back and squeezed her hand in return. The food in my stomach instantly settled and my heart retuned to life in my chest. It was that simple gesture from her that assured me everything it would be okay. Because we would make it okay. Stabbing a piece of syrup-laced pancake, I ate with renewed vigor. It would be okay. The morning had started out great before it turned awkward. Then we were concerned for Bella, and then we went back to good. I hoped it would end on a good note. I had woken this morning to find myself in my own little heaven. My face was nuzzled between Bella's breasts. Her arm over my shoulder and leg slung over my waist pulling me closer to her. My hips rested at her thighs. My cock hardened instantly, pressing against her inner thigh. All I would have to do is thrust upwards and I would be back in the promised land. I could tell by her breathing that she was still sleeping. Wanting to remedy that, I started to place small whisper kisses between the valley of her breasts. Kissing up to each peak and back down again. Edward was rubbing along her hip. I could feel the back of his fingers brush against my abdomen occasionally. I heard him placing soft kisses along her back as he worshiped her just like I was doing.

Because she was worthy of our worship. She always had been. But after last night, after she had shared herself with us, after she had done what she did to us, after she allowed us to do what we did to her, after she stirred feelings in me I had never felt before. She needed to be worshipped. I would happily pray at her alter for the rest of my days if she would let me. A low purr escaped Bella's lips. She was awake. My kisses became more insistent. I wanted to explore this new found emotion that she brought out in me. Wanted to drown in it and never surface. It was too good to let go of. It was more than lust and desire. But love? I didn't know. Honestly, I didn't want to name it. Because if it had a name it would be real. And that might ruin everything. Everything that I held dear. My hips started to thrust along her thighs. The tip of my cock brushing at her wet lips. My mouth found her nipple and suckled the sweet peak. As I was about to roll over to grab a condom, she flung herself out of bed. She took the sheet partially with her, exposing Edward and me down to our thighs. We both looked at her confused at the sudden change in events. She threw on Edward's shirt not bothering to button it and shimmied into my boxers. Still not looking at us, she murmured, "I'll be right back," and headed towards my bathroom. She only looked back at us once before closing the door behind her. Tugging the sheet back up to cover my erection, I looked at Edward to see if he had any clue what was going on. He merely shrugged his shoulders, apparently not knowing the answer either. It was then that we realized that we were only a foot away from one another, both completely naked and hard. The air in the room filled with tension and awkwardness. I scooted to the edge of the bed, drawing the sheet up to my chest as I sat up against the headboard. Edward did the same on the other side of the bed. The tension eased somewhat but the awkwardness was still there. We dared not look at each other. Instead we looked down, both wrapped up in our on thoughts. "So …" Edward said, breaking the silence of the last few minutes. What should I say? I don't think "Wow, who knew Bella was such a good fuck?" is an appropriate response.

Well, what is then? "I noticed last night that your penis is bigger than mine." Umm … no, definitely not. Yeah … therein lays the problem. Dude, it's Edward. Just fucking talk to him and stop being a pussy. "Yeah …" I returned lamely instead. As I was about to say something to try and diffuse the awkwardness the toilet flushed and the facet went on. Hopefully Bella would come back soon and relieve some of whatever was going on in my bed at the moment. While we waited for her return I thought back on the night again. In the morning light I was beginning to feel ashamed. Ashamed for what I had done. Not for what had happened. I would never be ashamed of that. But ashamed for what I had let happen. I knew that Edward was in love with Bella. Knew it my heart. Would I ever be able to forgive myself? Would he? I had let things get entirely out of hand. Kissing Bella knowing Edward's feelings was my first mistake. If I hadn't done that none of this would have happened. The second was silently asking Edward for permission. It never should have gotten that far. It was all my fault. I should never have opened my fucking mouth and made that stupid smartass comment. Who knows if Edward would have finally told her? But if I hadn't I wouldn't be feeling this whatever it was for Bella. Did that make okay? No, I didn't think it did. What if I had ruined any chance that Edward had with Bella, that is if he ever admitted his feelings? That thought crushed me and made it hard to breath. You are a fucking bastard. That is your best friend. Tell me something I don't know. You are such a stupid fuck. You never should have opened your mouth. I know, I know. What can I do to make it up to him?

I don't know man, I don't know. I don't know if you can. After another couple of minutes of silence from both us and the bathroom and the awkwardness was choking me. It was clear that Bella wasn't coming out anytime soon. "So … I'm gonna put some clothes on," I finally said. "Good idea." Grabbing the sheet to cover my nakedness I went to my dresser and grabbed a pair of boxers. After slipping them on I turned around to look for my shirt. Edward was hunched over on the other side of the room holding his jeans in front of him searching for his underwear. I didn't see them. In our haste to undress last night clothes were flung about the room. Finding my t-shirt I shrugged it over my head. Edward had given up looking for his underwear and was now buttoning his jeans. His chest was still bare as Bella had grabbed his shirt. Still not looking each other in the eye, we sat down on the edge of the bed facing the bathroom door waiting for Bella to come out. "So what do you think she is doing in there?" Edward asked me. "Don't know," I shrugged. I had the overwhelming urge to apologize to him but didn't think this was the right time. No time would seem like the right time. The guilt was already weighing heavily on me. What would we do now? What would they want to do now? My plan that I had formed last night didn't seem so great at the moment. As I went to open my mouth to say something I didn't yet know, I heard a sob from behind the closed bathroom door. Edward heard it too and we were on our feet in a second. Reaching the bathroom door, we stopped and listened. There it was again. Bella was crying. My heart tore into a million pieces. Edward leaned his head against the door and let out a loud sigh. I could tell that his heart was in the same shape as mine. I knocked lightly and said, "Bella, honey, are you okay in there?" "Bella, are you hurt? Do you need anything?" Edward asked next as he looked at me, his eyes searching mine for something. For what I didn't know.

As we stared at each other a muffled "Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a minute please" came from the other side of the door. I shrugged my shoulders at Edward and mouthed 'Breakfast.' He nodded an affirmative. "Okay. We are going to go make some breakfast. You want eggs or pancakes?" "Whatever you two want is fine with me" came back to us. The sound of her voice was killing me, killing us. I just wanted to gather her up and hold her forever. I tilted my head towards the kitchen indicating that we should leave her be for now. Leave her to work out whatever she was going through. We were already in a fucked up situation and I didn't want to fuck it up any further. As we made our way to the kitchen I squeezed Edward's shoulder in reassurance. He turned his head back to me and nodded but there was a grim look on his face. My name being called brought me out of my memory. "Jazz," Bella said, waving her hand in front of my face. "Jazz, you with us?" "Yeah, yeah I'm here," I said nodding my head before pausing. "Talk, you wanted to talk," I continued, looking up at her as she crammed her face with pancakes. I smiled and laughed at our Bella just being Bella. At least that hadn't changed. I looked over at Edward and he had a similar expression on his face. Whatever happened next it was nice to know that at least this much hadn't changed. "Yeah, about last night guys …" she finally said after finishing her mouthful of food. "What about it?" Edward asked quietly, his brows creasing in worry. "Well, don't you think we should talk about it? About what happened?" "Sure, but I don't really want to do a play by play," I said with a hint of sarcasm in my voice as I tried to relieve some of the tension that had settled around the table. I was sitting on the side with Bella and Edward at each end of the table. Looking between each of them, I felt as if I was the child in the family. It was a feeling I didn't particularly like. Edward finally snorted at my comment and said, "Me either." Bella huffed, apparently irritated then said, "That is not what I meant and you two know it."

"Well, then what did you mean then?" Edward asked with a hint of aggravation in his voice. "I meant what should we do now, I mean what do you two want to do now," she said as she blushed while looking down at he plate. Her blush signaled to me she wanted to do it again. I looked over at Edward. He was staring at Bella; brows furrowed with his mouth a thin line. There was no anger in his expression, just one of resignation. He cleared his throat then said words that shocked the shit out of me. Edward was always the quiet one that kept his emotions and thoughts to himself. The words he spoke were very un Edward-like. "I wouldn't be adverse to having a repeat of last night. It was highly enjoyable and something I want to do again as often as possible," he said the snark heavy in his words. Bella and I were both stunned and our jaws hung open staring at him. Is he for real? Did he just say that? Yep, he did. Is he joking? I don't think so. "You're kidding, right?" I snorted leaning back in my chair while taking in his face. Bella simple nodded her head in agreement with me. He shrugged his shoulders while saying "Nope" then proceeded to eat his pancakes like he hadn't just laid it all out on the table. "Okay," I returned with apprehension in my voice. Turning to Bella to look for her reaction, I said, "What do you think about that?" She blushed, looked at me for a second then at Edward. She dropped her head to stare at her plate and pushed her pancakes around the plate with her fork, mulling over the question. "Umm … I would be okay with that. Sharing the two of you," she finally said in barely a whisper but still not looking up from her plate. "Okay," I replied still not believing the weird, wonderful twist this conversation had taken. This is what you wanted, if you remember.

Yeah, but I don't know if I want it anymore. You do and you know it. But how long can it last? How long can we last if we do this? Don't know, man. It's a risk you are going to have to take. Looking back and forth between the two, I tried to wrap my brain around what was happening. It didn't quite make sense to me. They were both staring at their plates. I saw that I was going to have to be the one to come up with a plan. To get them to talk more about this. To hammer out the details of the situation, so to speak. "I am not adverse to that as well," I said borrowing Edwards's formal words from earlier. "So what do we do now?" Edward asked. "Ground rules?" Bella replied. "Like what?" I asked. "Well, no sleeping with anyone but me for starters you two; that goes double for you, Jasper." "What?" My tone was joking as if I didn't know what she was talking about, even though I did. "You know damn well what. I don't want to catch anything because if your man whoring ways." I snorted at her then said, "Well, for starters I am not a 'Man Whore.' Second, I am clean as a whistle. Third, okay then, I can do that." Because honestly after having been with Bella I didn't want anyone else. The thought of it was unappealing to say the least. "So would we schedule?" Edwards asked tentatively. "Umm …" I didn't have an answer for that. This whole thing was taking on a very 'Alice in Wonderland' quality. I felt as if I was falling down the rabbit whole. It was all so very surreal. We were talking about have more threesome sex between us. Ironing out details as if it was no big deal. As if we had this conversation everyday.

"No," came from Bella. "It should be spontaneous because if it was scheduled it would be too weird." "As opposed to what? Having sex with your two best friends isn't weird for you?" Edward spat back at Bella, sarcasm dripping from his words. What was his deal? Don't know … "No, jackass! It was beyond amazing being with the two of you. I have never felt closer to you two then last night. So cut the fucking attitude. If you don't want to do this just fucking say so," Bella yelled and stood up, arms on the table leaning over it while glaring at Edward. I am so happy I am not him right now. Yeah, me too. "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be an ass. This is just awkward for me, for us. Can't you see that? I want to do this, I do," his voice was soft, eyes pleading with her to understand. "Edward, I do see that but your attitude isn't helping here." "Okay, I promise to behave. So we have no sleeping with other people and spontaneous sex. Anything else we need to address?" he said in a teasing tone a mischievous glint in his eye. Blushing and looking back down at her plate, Bella asked "Umm … would it always be the three of us or would there be any one-on-one?" Edward and I snickered at her. Her head shot up and she quipped, "What? Like you two weren't thinking it too." "True but it is just funny to think that you were thinking about it too," I chuckled. "Yeah, who knew Bella was so hot to get us alone. Jazz?" Edward grinned "Not me, dude." I shook my head and smiled. "Oh, the two of you just shut up. Well?" Bella huffed. "That's mighty alright with me. Edward?" I inquired. "Sure, no problem. Anything else? Bella? Jasper?" he asked.

We both shook our heads 'no.' "Okay, I guess it's settled then. Oh and no one-on-one in public areas of the house. I really don't need to see Jasper's dick anymore than I have to. Let's keep those in the bedroom okay," Edward added. Again Bella and I nodded our agreement. "Let's eat before our breakfast gets cold," Bella said while going back to cramming her mouth again. A silence settled over us as we ate. There was no awkwardness or tension to be found anymore. We had talked. Hashed out details. All was good in our little bubble. But it felt as if we didn't address the real problem or situation. That something deeper had happened and we weren't going to talk about it. Didn't want to talk about it. I wondered how long this agreement could last. How long we could last before something had to change. Before we changed. Before it was over. Before we were over. "So Bella, I keep thinking about what you said," Edward asked. "Said about what?" she answered happily. "How it was beyond amazing," he said with humor and a bit of smugness in his voice. "Oh shut up, Edward. You both know that you are great in the sack." "Do we now? Well, it is nice to hear it every once in awhile, ya know stroke the whole ego thing." "I think you want me to stroke something besides your ego, Edward," Bella replied with a sexy smirk on her lips, her eyebrow arched in challenge. "Well, I can think of something," he said back, taking her up on her challenge. So fast I barely realized it happened, a sticky syrupy piece of pancake hit Edward on the cheek before it fell down his bare chest. "I'm sure you can," she grinned. The laugh that came out of my mouth was loud and broke whatever was going on between them. "You think that's funny, Jazz. Well, here how about this," Bella giggled. And the next thing I knew a syrup-soaked pancake was smeared in my face.

"Dude, not cool," I moaned. Bella was laughing hard now. Arms wrapped around her belly as she rocked back and forth. "Just you wait, yours is coming little missy," I taunted her. "Oh, I'm so scared. Edward, help me. Save me from the evil pancake faced monster," Bella said feigning fright as she got up to hide behind Edward. Edward laughed and said, "No can do, Bella." Then he proceeded to smear a pancake over her face, hair, collarbone and stomach. "Edward Anthony Masen, you will pay for that!" "I don't think so, Isabella Marie Swan." We were laughing hard at Bella as she stomped her foot and huffed. It was so incredibly adorable. I just wanted to lift her up and swing her around. "Oh Jasper Hale Whitlock, don't you think you are off the hook either." This only made our giggles, yes we were giggling like little girls now, soar to new heights. But she was just too cute when she was this worked up, especially with pieces of pancake sticking to her face and hair. An evil smile crossed her lips as she picked up the syrup bottle. Edward and I started to back away from her as we ran into the kitchen table. We were trapped between the table and the evil little woman with the syrup bottle. Squeezing hard once, she sprayed us and the floor with the sticky sweet syrup. And then proceeded to double over with laughter. I nudged Edward with my elbow and tilted my head towards Bella. He nodded and started to walk towards her trying not to slip on the sticky floor. He grabbed her from the front as I came around her back blocking her escape. She squealed and squirmed, trying to get loose. "Edward, put me down this minute!" "No Bella sweetie, you asked for it!" He backed up towards the table. Setting her down on it as his legs straddling her legs while she kicked and fought to get free of his grasp.

The syrup that was on his bare chest was now hopelessly smeared all over her front and face. We were all big sticky, syrupy messes now. Then Edward started licking her cheek and jaw. Getting the sweetness off with his tongue. A low moan escaped Bella's lips as she proceeded to lick and nip at him too. Their lips finally met and I could see their tongues battling each other. The sight was sexy as hell and I was instantly hard again. I guess this is one of those spontaneous moments. Yep. Now get in there. Don't have to tell me twice! Coming up to the side of them, I peeled Bella's hair off her shoulder and kissed her syrupy shoulder. She leaned into my touch and moaned into Edward's mouth. She broke her kiss with Edward and latched onto my lips. Her tongue forced its way into my mouth. God, she tasted like heaven. Like syrup and sunshine and Bella. I grabbed the back of her head angling it so I could have more access to her sweet, hot mouth. My tongue delved in, exploring her mouth and loving every inch of it. As I was kissing Bella, Edward unbuttoned his shirt pushing the fabric down her arms. Grabbing the syrup bottle he poured it all over her breasts. He covered them in the sweetness. Leaning down, he took one syrup-covered nipple into his mouth, sucking the stickiness off her. The new sensation caused her to growl and break our kiss. Her small hands fisted in Edwards hair as she leaned back and pulled him closer to her. "Umm … Jasper … unghh … condoms … now!" she growled out. Running back to my bedroom I grabbed a couple of the foil packets. Noticing that it was the last of my supply. Did we really screw that much? That was new box, dammit. You sure did. No, stop thinking about it and get back out there, you moron. Yep, right! When I returned to the kitchen Bella and Edward's positions had switched. He was now sitting on the table, his jeans around his ankles as Bella licked down his chest. Her

destination was clear. Edward was leaning back on the table bracing himself with his arms. Head thrown back mouth open as Bella licked and bit down his body. Finally reaching her destination, she poured the syrup on his cock. His head shot up, looking down at what she was doing. I bet that he was not expecting that. Her pink tongue darted out and swirled around his tip. Lapping up the sticky syrup. A low "Bella" came from his mouth as he fisted his hands in her hair. I watched in awe for a few minutes, just taking in the two of them. It was incredibly erotic to see Bella go down on Edward. I knew that it was an experience not to miss. Bella's blow job skills were phenomenal. She rivaled me in her oral skills. I knew Edward was in seventh heaven right now. Coming up behind them, I pulled Bella's hips into mine. Letting her feel my erection. She pushed back against me as she rubbed her hips back and forth. She moaned around Edward's cock. This caused both Edward and I to yell out "Fuck!" simultaneously. "Fuck Bella, you have no idea how good that feels," Edward panted out. After the activities of last night I knew from the tone of his voice that he was close, real close. Moving back slightly I tugged my boxers down her legs. She stepped out of them, completely naked now. I ran a hand down her spine, and she arched into my touch as she continued to service Edward. I tugged my shirt off in anticipation of my turn. My hand reached between her legs and she spread them to give me greater access. My fingers toyed with her wet lips. Swirling my fingers in her juices. She moaned again and pressed down on my hand wanting more of my touch. Spreading her lips with my fingers as my thumb found her clit. I pressed against it as two fingers entered her quick and roughly. She bucked against the sudden invasion and gave a long hard suck to Edward's dick in response to my actions. It sent him over the edge into his orgasm. Clutching her head for dear life, he pumped his hips into her mouth as a loud "Fuck!" escaped his lips over and over again. His eyes

clenched shut and his mouth open as he rode out his climax. After he was done he fell back hard onto the table. Banging his head against the Formica tabletop. "Ouch," he said softly as he rubbed the back of his head. Bella licked and sucked him clean of the syrup and cum. She released him with an audible pop. She stood up and she smiled like the cat that ate the canary. Wiping her mouth with her fingers, she looked over her shoulder at me as if to say 'next.' Shaking my head at her silliness and turning her around to face me, I propped her up on the table. My hand on her chest pushed her to lay down next to Edward. She looked over at Edward who still was panting with his eyes closed. Brushing the hair out of his eyes she stared at him with affection and something else I had never seen her look at him with. Something I couldn't recognize. He leaned into the touch as a purring noise came from his mouth. It felt as if I was intruding on a moment. I went to move back. Bella noticed and looked at me as if wondering what I was doing. Putting my hands on her hips I pulled her towards the edge of the table, her legs spreading for me instantly. Welcoming me in between them. I knew she was ready for me. No preparation needed. After rolling a condom on, I spread her legs wider and saddled up to the edge of the table. Positioning myself at her entrance I thrust forward in one hard movement, entering her fully. Her back arched up off the table at the sensation of me filling her. Again it was heaven. Bella was heaven. The feel of her tight and hot around me was like no other I had felt before. It was so completely different than any other woman I had been in before. Giving us both a moment to adjust I looked down on her. I could see the traces of syrup on her skin. Giving off a caramel colored shimmer as her body glistened with sweat. She was divine and she was ours. Ours alone. We didn't have to share her with anyone. I wouldn't have it any other way. I grabbed one of her legs and slung it over my shoulder. Apparently getting the idea, she lifted the other one up and over my other shoulder. The new position allowed me to fill her further and I pressed deeper into her. Gasping mewls escaped her as I pumped in and out of her slowly. She hooked her ankles

around my neck pulling me closer. Wanting me deeper. Wanting more of me. I gave it to her. I grabbed her hips to help steady and guide myself as I thrust furiously into her. Each time I was fully buried in her a squeak would escape her mouth. It was the most adorable noise I had ever heard. So very Bella-like. After sometime had passed Edward seemed to recover from his orgasm. He propped himself up on an elbow and leaned over her. He started licking and nipping at her tits. Sucking her nipples. Sending her into sensation overload. One of her hands was in her hair, fisting and pulling while the other was in Edward's hair trying to pull him impossibly closer. "Jasper … god … fuck … Edward … too … much … not … enough," she panted out. Our joint actions were making it hard for her speak as pleasure took over her. As the new feelings for her rose in me, I turned my head to the side. I kissed her calf tenderly trying to convey that she was more than a fuck to me. So much more. But exactly what she was didn't have a name yet. Edward's hand journeyed to where we were joined. Brushing against her clit lightly. Trying to enhance what she was experiencing. At his touch she clenched around me tightly. "Bella," was all I could get out as she tightened down around me. The new feeling bringing me even closer to cumming. But she needed to get there first. I wouldn't go without her. She needed to feel it too. The high that she brought us. Experience it herself. "Edward, harder," I breathed heavily out, the words hard to form as I was too far gone to do much else. I saw him nod but not look up from his place at her breasts. He must have bit down on her nipple and pinched her clit because before I knew it spasms were coursing over her and around me as she violently came. Back arched off the table, legs locked up around my neck pulling me down to her. She yelled out our names as her peak took over. The sight of her cumming and the feeling of it around me was more than enough. I jumped off the cliff with her. Letting my climax over take me. Control me. Drown me. The pleasure too intense for words. Riding out our mutual orgasms I continued to fuck her. As I felt her come down I slowed

my movements until I was back on earth as well. Her legs fell limply from my shoulders. Edward sat up, his job done. A sly smile played on his lips with the knowledge that he had helped get her there. He leaned back on his elbows and swung his legs back and forth over the edge of the table, looking so much like a little boy. I collapsed on top of her, still joined with her. I propped myself up on my elbows so I wouldn't crush her and kissed her lips tenderly, lovingly. My fingers brushed her sweaty, syrupy hair away from her face. I could feel the sweat and syrup between our bodies. It was an odd but pleasant feeling. "So I guess this is what you meant by spontaneous," Edward said with laughter in his voice. "Yeah, I guess," Bella replied falling into laughter. We all laughed at the absurdity of the moment. It was good. Feeling like this with them was good. Reluctantly I got up off of her and put my boxers back on. I had responsibilities outside of the two of them to see to, mainly school and my dissertation. "I feel all sticky and sweaty now. Gonna go take a shower. Then I hafta go to the library for awhile," I said with a sigh. "So you are just gonna leave us to clean up after you?" Bella said somewhat exasperated. Her words hit closer to home than she intended. Because I still felt the guilt over what had happened. Over what I had done. Over what I might have destroyed. With a shrug, I picked up my shirt and left them there on the table staring after me. I still didn't know how long it would last but I vowed to enjoy and treasure every moment I had with them like this. To make it last as long as it could. To make it up to them what I had done. Whatever harm I may have brought about. "I'm longing for love and the logical But he's only happy hysterical I'm waiting for some kind of miracle Waited so long" Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkston I stood outside the shower waiting for the water's temperature to pick up. Every few seconds I stuck my hand under the running water.

Nope. Still chilly. Getting warmer. There. Nice and hot. I played with a few messy strands of hair that were falling in my face. They were sticky and I sighed. As much as I loved the amazing, mindblowing sex I'd just had on our kitchen table, I didn't love the mess that covered my body. Nearly twelve continuous hours of sex had left me covered in a thick grime of sweat and various other bodily fluids, much of it probably not even mine. The food fight had just added to the mess. Ah, but its Edward's and Jasper's spunk, sweetie. So what are you complaining about again? You have the most amazing sex ever experienced by a woman in the history of the planet and you're … complaining? Of course I wasn't complaining. Yet. I still honestly couldn't believe that we were going ahead with this arrangement. A part of me had expected them to deny me outright, I guess. But at the same time, a larger part had hoped they would say yes. I didn't know what either of them was really feeling behind their eyes. I wanted to find out. Maybe this was the only way. I wanted to be with Edward for sure. He was all I wanted for so long. And now I had him. Well, a part of him at least. And Jasper. Oh, Jasper. Last night and this morning had brought about new feelings for him. I knew he was sexy. Hell, I'd known that for a long time. But the extent of his sexy was just beginning to dawn on me. And something else too. Something unfamiliar that I wasn't used to feeling when I thought about Jasper. Something that I wanted to wanted to explore. So this was the way.

Our arrangement. I didn't know how long it would last, and honestly I didn't want to think about it. The future was constantly changing, constantly rearranging itself to what we did today. So I would think about now. I would think about Edward and Jasper and the feel of their bodies and their hands. And god. I could feel myself getting aroused again. How did they manage to do this to me? You'd think after too many rounds to count last night and Jasper on the kitchen table this morning I'd be satiated. But no. I was still ready to go. Perhaps this is what everybody talked about when it came to 'sexual peak.' Maybe that's what I was at right now. The splash of the water on the shower wall brought me out of my confusing thoughts and I sighed. The water would long go cold before I even got in at the rate I was going. I slid the door open all the way and climbed in the steaming shower. The hot water flowed down my body and my overworked muscles began to relax. I was decently in shape, but the amazing workout the guys had put me through had made my muscles all achy. I was so concentrated on massaging my shampoo through my still sticky hair that I very nearly jumped through my skin when a knock sounded on my shower door. I turned around just in time to see Edward as he slid the glass door open just enough so I could see he was naked and already rather aroused. I guess this is what we meant by spontaneous, huh? Shut up, you. This is what you wanted! Just you and Edward! Oh, yeah. "Can I join you?" he said over the rush of the water. I nodded mutely and moved over in the shower to give him some room. He stepped in and just him being so close with the water and the steam had my arousal growing. I turned my back to him to hide the burning flush coursing through my body already, a flush that had nothing to do with the hot water. His hands were suddenly on my hips and he gripped me hard.

"Bella," he said, his voice deep and husky. Again? "Yes?" I croaked out. My hands came from where they were hanging limply by my sides to cover his on my waist. The water continued to pour down on us and I could practically feel each and every droplet as it slid down my body. I was hyper aware of everything. The water. Edward's hands. The sound of his breathing. My own breathing. Edward pulled me back into him and I felt his hard cock pressed into my lower back. That glorious piece of machinery that had brought me so much pleasure. Brought me to such highs. I wanted him again. He kissed my shoulder and growled softly into the skin there. "I was wrong before when I thought you couldn't look sexier," he said and I could feel the vibrations run through my body until they settled between my now unsteady legs. "Hmmm," I murmured. "You are so much sexier right now," he replied. Edward's right hand, covered with mine, slowly began to inch down my waist. I leaned back into him, my head falling on his shoulder. Just his hand being so close to where I was now throbbing was too much already. My mouth fell open and my breathing was embarrassingly loud. I couldn't move my hand from his as the tip of his fingers found my bundle of nerves and circled around it. My hand clenched onto his and I gasped. "Watching Jasper do those things to you on the table, god Bella," Edward groaned. "What?" I squeaked my reply. "It made me want to …" he trailed off. "Take you." He whispered the last part so quietly I wasn't sure he meant for me to hear it. "Take me." My voice was low, breathy and uneven. I wondered if he even heard me until I made out his soft reply. "If it were only that easy."

"What?" I asked again. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Edward grunted and pressed his fingers into my clit firmly. "You'd like me to take you. To fuck you. Here in this shower of yours." I gasped again, this time much louder. My back arched and my rising tide of arousal rose more. "I want you, Bella. Just you. Right here. No Jasper. Right now," he grunted again and slid his hand down, gently tracing my opening. My incoherent mumbles must have said what I couldn't with proper words. My hand fell away from Edward's, instead latching onto his hips behind me. I pulled his body as close to mine as I could manage, desperately trying to find any measure of friction I possibly could. I ground my ass into his cock as his fingers dipped into me. His lips were attacking my shoulder, sucking at the skin there. Marking me. I'd marked them both last night, but this was different. It almost was as if he was trying to mark me as his after what Jasper had done earlier. Almost like he was … reclaiming me. No. That's not what it was. We were sharing now. We'd agreed to this. He was just incredibly aroused. Turned on. Hard. God, he was hard. His fingers began deftly working me, pumping me in that even rhythm only a musician could manage. He was playing me like his piano. Pressing all the right keys. "Edward!" I gasped as I felt the edges of my orgasm begin to draw in around me. "I felt so left out, Bella. So excluded," he grunted and thrust his fingers into me harder, much harder than he'd been last night. I wondered where this sudden shift in his mood had happened. He almost seemed, dare I say, angry. But no, he wasn't angry. It was something else. Something I didn't quite understand. Something I couldn't quite place. Something else entirely. "Let me make it up to you," I moaned and sinuously swiveled my hips. Edward's fingers slipped out of me, allowing me to turn my body in his arms. I looked into his eyes and found them dark. I saw the lust there. The want. The need. The desire.

And that something else. I couldn't place it. Couldn't figure it out. There was also a measure of pain there. Just around the edges. Like he didn't want me to see it, but it had leaked out and I'd picked up on it accidentally. My heart clenched for him and I wanted to take his pain away, however it had managed to get there. I didn't want to see him in pain. I wanted him to be happy. To make him happy. I leaned into him and pressed my lips to his. Edward was hesitant at first, just like he was last night. I pulled him closer to me, his hard cock pressing firmly into my stomach. I slipped one hand between us to grasp him, slowly beginning to pump my hand over his length. He gasped into my mouth and finally responded to my kiss. Edward's hands went around my back and cupped my cheeks firmly, kneading me along the way. "Fuck you," he moaned. "Need to fuck you now." He lifted me up just enough, pressing my back into the cool, wet tile of the shower wall. I was forced to let go of his cock and my hands instead found purchase on his shoulders. I stared into his face, trying to discern the looks he was giving me. There were so many emotions playing on his face, some that I knew all too well and some that I'd never seen before. All the years I'd known Edward, I thought I could read him. Understand what was going on in his head just by looking at this face. But last night had seemed to change that. There were so many things I could no longer see when I looked at him. So many new things had replaced them and I felt like I almost had to start clean over learning his looks. Maybe something had changed with us. We'd agreed everything would stay the same, but I couldn't help but think that no matter what we said something had changed. The dynamic of our relationship had shifted, possibly to a completely different universe all together. I tried to push all these thoughts from my head. I didn't need to be thinking about that now. I didn't want to think about the future. Not yet. Not when I was staring into the eyes of a hot, sexy, wet Edward. Nothing could beat this view. Nothing in the entire would was as scenic as this. A whimper escaped my lips and Edward's smile shone crookedly back at me. "Like what you see, Bella?" he asked with a voice full of sarcasm.

I bit my lip and nodded. "Good because I want you to keep your eyes open as I make you cum. I want to see your face when you explode around my cock. Can you do that for me?" he said roughly. "Yes," I squeaked. "Good girl. Now let's see if you're as tight as I remember," Edward said. He tightened his grip on my hips and slowly slid me down the tile wall, making little squeaking noises along the way. My legs slid around his waist and I locked my ankles behind his back. I arched my back away from the wall and felt him at my entrance. "Right," Edward said and his hand tightened again. "There." As he said the last word, he thrust into me, filling me whole. I gasped from the feeling. Last night in bed had been one thing. This … this shower thing was something else. Something more. Edward pressed his body into mine and rested his head in the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him to me as tightly as I could. I wanted him to never leave. I had loved him for so long. This felt right. This felt wonderful. This was what completed me. Just being here with him. With him being in me. No barrier. Nothing in between us. But he wasn't moving. He wasn't doing anything. As amazing as it felt to be connected him, for him to be in me, I wanted him to start moving. To start thrusting. To bring me to the heights of pleasure I needed so badly. That he needed. I wanted to make him feel good again. I wanted him to be rid of the pain I saw ringing his consciousness. I didn't know where it came from, but I wanted it gone. "Please," I murmured in his ear and swiveled my hips to signal for him to do something. "Fuck," Edward groaned and placed a hot kiss on my skin. "Please," I begged again. Edward drew his head back and this time I couldn't see the pain. This time it was something deeper, something more primal. Desperate really. What was in his head? What was he thinking? Was he having second thoughts? Was he backing out of our agreement?

Could I really do this and not get further attached to him, if that was possible? Could we really make this work? Edward bit his lip and it almost made me think he wanted to say something. Almost. But the moment was broken when a lock of his wet hair fell in his eyes and he looked away. "Please do something," I asked quietly. His eyes locked with mine again and new passion filled them, passion that was just barely stirring a moment ago. "You want me to do something? Well, how about this then," Edward smirked. He withdrew from me almost completely before slamming back into me, causing my head to roll back and crack against the tile wall. My fingers gripped his shoulders ferociously with each thrust he made, each one harder than the last. He was giving me everything. He was pouring himself out to me in my shower. Just as the water cleaned our skin and rid of us of last night's reminders, he was ridding himself of something. That something I couldn't quite place or understand. But whatever it was he was working through it. His hips pounded into me, and skin slapped against skin. The water poured around us, making us slick. My grip on his shoulders was tenuous at best and my grip on my consciousness was quickly becoming just as slim. The way Edward made me feel when he was doing this to me was beyond what I'd ever imagined. And believe me; I'd imagined it so many times. Probably more than I'd care to admit to. All those times with other guys, it was him I was picturing over me. His bronze hair hanging down over their face. His sinuous muscles under my touch. I had him here now. Right here. In my shower. In me. Fucking me. I was getting closer. Closer to that amazing peak that we were both climbing to. That peak that we'd both fall over in no time at the rate we were going. Edward was furiously fucking me. His groans and grunts rang out over the rush of the shower and my gasps were much different. We were both screaming each other's names. Calling out to each other. Drawing each other along. Pleading to get there together. "Please," I groaned.

"Bella," he groaned right back. "Need." "I know," I managed to reply. He thrust one last time, much harder than all the others and it was all I needed to orgasm. My body erupted in fireworks, every muscle clenched and my toes dug into Edward's firm legs. My mouth fell open in a stunted shriek and my fingers clamped down on his shoulder, probably leaving nail marks on him. Edward was no better, shuttering and pressing into me with such force I thought he'd crush me into the wall. "Please," he moaned and pressed his face into my neck. The way he said it though was something else. Like he was actually asking for something more than just saying it. Didn't he know I would give him anything if just asked? Edward slipped from me and gently set me back on the floor of the shower, my legs still unsteady from my shattering orgasm. He pressed kisses into my neck and jaw before whispering into my ear, "Never sexier." He drew his head back and his eyes were soft. The sadness and pain were gone, and all I could see was his affection for me. He cupped my cheek gently and half smiled at me. "Bella," he said lowly. "Edward." His hand fell from my face and he turned his back to me. He slid the shower door open and stepped out before sliding the door back. I was left there, alone in the shower. The water poured down my shoulders as I stood there trying to figure out what had just happened. I heard the door of my bathroom slam behind him as he left, leaving me with muddled thoughts and wet hair. What had just happened in this shower?

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##### ##### ##### Chapter: 6

AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "So for once in my life Let me get what I want Lord knows, it would be the first time Lord knows, it would be the first time" Please Let Me Get What I Want-Muse originally by The Smiths Bella and I were in the kitchen silently cleaning up the mess from breakfast after Jasper had left. It was just one more thing to add to the list of reasons why I wanted to punch him. The first on the list being that he had been with Bella. Punching Jasper would be very satisfying but wouldn't go over really well. Yes, I know. I just have to push it aside. And really … you are the one who has yet to make your claim on her. Again, yes, I know. This stupid fuckuppery is all on me and my pussy ways. No need to remind me. I had the mop out and was trying to get the sticky syrup off the floor. It wasn't easy at all. The syrup had started to dry and had become even thicker and stickier. But it was mindless work that left me able to let my thoughts wander. And wanderthey did to the events of the morning. The first thing was the way we had woken Bella up and then her sudden mad dash for the bathroom. How when I heard her crying in the bathroom it took all my restraint to keep from busting the door down and gathering her close to take the pain away. Her crying, to me, meant that she regretted what happened last night. And I could not handle that. Yes, it was completely fucked up what had happened but completely wonderful too. I never wanted her to regret last night. I didn't. Sure, it was not how I had planned for us to finally be together. But happened it did and I wouldn't change it for anything. Additionally, her tears signaled to me that maybe she wouldn't want to do it again. That

idea was horrific for me. Because I needed her now. After having her I couldn't not have her. I would do anything to be with her again. Anything. So Jasper and I had left her alone to work out whatever she was going through. Knowing her as well as we did, we knew she would let us in when she was ready. Her not letting us in hurt though. That she wouldn't let us comfort her. Jazz and I joked and made small talk about nothing important as we made breakfast. Now that we were both covered up, it was surprisingly not awkward. Awkward was what took place in bed this morning after Bella abandoned us. I couldn't get dressed fast enough. I mean I had seen Jasper's goods last night and seen him fuck Bella several times. But still being naked and hard in bed with him was weird. Really weird. Regardless of the fact that he was my best friend and had shared the amazing night with me. When the pancakes were done we sat down to eat while still waiting for Bella to emerge from the bathroom. We were laughing over some stupid comment he made about letting Bella win at Guitar Hero. Of course we let her win, but she didn't know that. It was one of the little things we did for her. She had such low self-esteem for some strange reason. She just couldn't see her own worth. Granted my view of her was skewed because I was in love with her and all, but she still didn't see herself clearly. Jasper and I were laughing about letting her win more often when she walked, no sauntered into the kitchen. Hips swaying, hair disheveled and looking completely and utterly fuckable. Don't think about that now. You have to clean up this mess. Yeah, maybe later. She may need some help getting clean … and Jazz won't be around. Ha, you are right indeed. But play it cool. Always. I am like ice. She had a look of determination on her face along with a sexy as hell smirk on her lips. I was hard in a flash. Wanting nothing more than to bend her over the table and take her. She said we needed to talk. Normally I would have panicked from those words like any normal guy, but by the look on her face it seemed what she wanted to talk about was a good thing. I went to make her some fresh pancakes. It was an excuse to think of my game plan. The plan being to convince them to continue to have sex. I knew I wanted it. Knew on some level that Jasper did too. But would Bella? That was the

question that I desperately needed answered. But there had to be rules. At least there had to be for me. The first being that I would not make love to her again, not until I knew she loved me too. It just wasn't right. I couldn't live through it. To give so much and not get those feelings returned. The second being I would not take my feelings out on her like I had last night. It had been wrong of me to do. To exorcise my demons through sex. To punish her for not loving me back, for the situation I was in. That was my own doing, not hers. I'd thought earlier that I could share her with Jasper. And I could. But I had also thought that I could show her my love too. But after thinking about it more, I knew I just couldn't do it. Couldn't let her see my love for her. The situation itself hurt too much as it was. But to put my feelings out there and not have them returned would be too much for my heart to bear. It would have to be just physical. No emotions. Just the pleasure of being with her. I thought I could do it. Detach my emotions from sex. I had to do it. It was the only way. After I finished cooking Bella's pancakes I went back to the table. She was being her shy adorable self as always and was stammering through what she wanted to say. I was slightly annoyed because I didn't know what she was thinking. I never knew what she was thinking but in this situation it was aggravating. My frustration at the situation was coming out through my words. I didn't mean it to, it just happened. And then I said the stupidest thing ever. Yeah, that was a real smart move there, dickwad. I know. But I had to. No, you should have told her you loved her. No, no I couldn't do it. It wasn't the right time. What is the right time? When Jazz has her legs over his shoulders fucking her brains out? No and shut up. I don't want to hear it. I said I wanted to continue to have threesomes. When really I should have just told her. Finally told her that I was hopelessly in love with her. But no, I was a scared little pussy and didn't do it. I had to say I wanted to continue first before she said what had happened was a one time thing. Had to put it on the table as an option. My desperation to be with her pushing me to open my mouth.

Jasper and Bella both looked at me stunned. I simply played it cool. Try to not betray the emotions boiling under the surface. By now I was an Oscar-caliber actor at hiding my feelings. I had been hiding my feelings for so long it was second nature to me now. The anger that I felt at the situation would never come out. I couldn't let it. The feelings of betrayal, anger, desperation and need would stay hidden. They had to for this to work. It wasn't that I was feeling that way towards Bella and Jasper. I was feeling that way about myself. We talked some more, ironing out details of the arrangement. I said some snarky comment and Bella called me out on it. She always did that, called me on my bullshit. It was one of the reasons I loved her. One of the many. I tried to make a list once. When I got to reason 517 is stopped before my patheticness overtook me. Let's just say the list is long. I went back to being an ass as usual. I was trying to goad Bella into an argument because honestly it was hot when she was all riled up. It must have worked because our food fight broke out. A food fight that turned into sex. But that particular turn was my fault. She looked too damn appealing in my shirt and Jasper's boxers, covered in bits of pancake and syrup. Smelling of the syrupy sweetness and perfection and strawberries and sex and love and sweat. The need to be with her was overwhelming. To feel connected to her. To make her feel the pleasure she brought me by both being in my life and letting me be in her body. The events on the kitchen table had been erotic and funny and sexy and beyond my wildest fantasies. But I had not been able to be with her. I'd felt left out. Not included. Yes, she had gone down on me and given me an incredible blow job, but Jasper had been the first to fuck her after the arrangement had been made. I wanted to be the first. I would be the first to be with her one-on-one though. I knew it. I had to be. I just had to be. Jasper's sudden departure left me with my opportunity. I would make my move then. Be the first to claim her for myself. Bella was humming as she did the dishes. Her hips swaying to the beat of the music in her

head, the sun pouring in from the window over the sink lighting her hair on fire. She was so beautiful. So achingly beautiful. My heart lurched at the sight of her. Suddenly a vision of another kitchen with Bella fussing over a baby in a highchair while I cooked at the stove came into my mind. I had visions or dreams like this all the time. But this one was so vivid. As if it might be an actual glimpse of the future. The vision was something I wanted desperately. The song that Bella was humming changed. I knew this one. Knew what it meant when she sang it. Knew that she was turned on. The lyrics came instantly to mind and I started to sing softly along with her. "If I be so inclined to climb up beside you, Would you tell me that the time just isn't right? And if I ever find the key you hide so well, Will you tell me that I can spend the night? Leavin your smell on my coat, leavin your taste on my shoulder. I still fail to understand what it is about this woman. If I could bottle up the chills that you give me I would keep them in a jar next to my bed. And If I should ever draw a picture of a woman It is you that would come flowing from my pen" Having finished with the sticky floor finally, I moved on to the mess on the table all the while lost in my singing and not paying attention to what was going on around me. I was thinking on how the song was appropriate. It conveyed how I felt about Bella. Was she thinking about me as she sang it? "Leavin your clothes on the floor, Making me walk out the door And I still fail to understand what it is about this woman. Helplessly melting as I stand next to the sun. As she burns me, I am screaming out for more Drink every drop of liquid heat that I've become. Pop me open, spoon me out on to the floor. leavin your smell on my coat, leavin your taste on my shoulder, I still fail to understand, fail to understand leavin your smell on my coat, leavin your taste on my shoulder. I still fail to understand what it is about this woman." As the song ended, the table was finally clean. I looked up to see Bella leaning over the

counter that separated the kitchen and dining area. A look of pure lust on her flushed face. She wanted me. Now. That much was clear. I was instantly hard, again. I moved towards her but was interrupted by Jasper as he came into the kitchen area. He really did have the worst timing ever. Pausing halfway to Bella, I looked at him with annoyance at him being the fucking cockblocker that he was. He merely shrugged his shoulders. I really wanted to punch him then. "Hey guys, I'm off to the library. I'll be home by dinner. Do you all want to go to the Thai place over by campus?" he asked as if he didn't just interrupt the moment Bella and I were having. Cockblocking dillhole. "Sure Jazz, that sounds great. See ya later and have fun," Bella grinned at him. He just stood there, all clean and not sticky and not smelling of syrup and sweat and sex. Yet another reason to punch him. Whoa, dude. You really need to work on your Jasper punching issues. I know but he so deserves it sometimes. And it's not like he doesn't have those moments with me either. But still… I answered his question with a nod and watched as he went to give Bella a kiss on her temple. The kiss was different than the ones he usually gave her. It wasn't a simple peek on the cheek that we usually gave her. It was lingering. His hand came to cup her cheek. Caressing her face as his lips pressed against her temple tenderly. It was loving. But definitely not 'best friends loving.' It was lover, soul mate, and girlfriend lovingly. Had something changed between them when I wasn't paying attention? No. There was no way that Jasper felt for Bella that way. It was just sex between them. It had to be. Jasper left as I was having my internal meltdown. Leaving Bella and me alone. All alone. The previous sexual tension was now gone only leaving a sudden awkwardness. Bella stood by the kitchen table facing me. Shuffling her feet and looking down at the floor. "Umm, the kitchen is all clean. I feel all sticky and groady. So … umm … I am gonna go shower," she said, looking up at me as she finished.

The look in her eyes was unreadable. Did she want me to join her? I really didn't have a clue. "Sounds good. I'll grab one when you're done." She nodded, a flash of disappointment on her face before turning and skipping off towards our bedrooms. What the fuck was that look about? Does she want me to join her? Well, you were thinking about it earlier. Yeah, but… No buts. Go join her. 'kay. I stared as she left, still confused. I was always confused it seemed. She confused me so much in the last 12 hours. Her signals were mixed at times. There were moments of tenderness and love. But then there were moments of pure lust and pleasure. Maybe she was just as confused as me. I knew I was throwing off mixed signals. But that wasn't my intention. It just happened when my true feelings leaked through the barrier I had built around them. So what did I know for certain? That I was going to continue to have threesome sex with Bella and Jasper. That I was not going to allow my emotions to enter into sex with Bella. That I was resigned to the aforementioned statements. That I was desperate to be with Bella again. That I was completely and utterly over the moon in love with Bella. That I had no idea what Bella felt for Jasper or me. That I had no idea what Jasper was now feeling for Bella. That I had no idea how long we could do this for. That I didn't want it to end.

It wasn't much and raised a bunch of new questions. But it was more than I knew earlier this morning. And that was enough for now. Now it was time to go be with the girl. Time to go claim her as mine if only for a little bit. Time for it to be just her and me. With a spring in my step I headed towards my bedroom. I took off my pants quickly, throwing them in the hamper as I went to Bella's and mine shared bathroom. I could hear the shower running. I silently went into the bathroom, catching a glimpse of her silhouette through the frosted shower door. The sight made my dick hard again for the millionth time since we had first kissed last night. Knocking gently, I opened the shower door and leaned into the steamy chamber. The sight of Bella naked and wet was almost too much for me. I almost had to look away. Water ran down her creamy flesh, rivulets streaming between her breasts down her flat toned stomach to in between her legs over her bare sex. "Can I join you?" was all I could get out. The lust I was feeling getting the better of me. Nodding at me she moved to make room for me as I stepped in. She turned her back to me which exposed her gorgeous back and ass to me, her hair a wet curtain streaming down her back. Grabbing her hips tightly I said her name, trying to let her know with that one word how much I wanted her. "Yes?" was all she managed to croak out as she put her hands over mine. Letting me know that affect I was having on her. The very same affect that she had on me. I pulled her back into me so she could feel exactly the affect she had on me as I placed kisses on her shoulder. God, the taste of her was amazing. I could still taste traces of the syrup but there was more. More of her own sweetness. She tasted so much better than she smelled if that was possible. I growled into her skin as the taste of her amped up my desire to be in her again. I said the first thought that my lust muddled mind could form. "I was wrong before when I thought you couldn't look sexier." "Hmmm." "You are so much sexier right now."

I needed to feel her. Needed to feel her quiver around me. Need to feel her hot center. My hand moved down towards the apex of her thighs, her hand still covering mine. Her head fell back onto my shoulder, her mouth open and breathing heavily as my fingers found her bundle. I slowly circled it, not touching where I knew she wanted me to. Her hand clutched at mine urging me on. "Watching Jasper do those things to you on the table, God Bella," I groaned into her ear. "What?" "It made me want to…" I said into her ear and then whispered more to myself. "Take you." "Take me," she replied through a gasp as I continued to circle her clit, driving her insane with my movements. God, I want to. Take you and never give you back. Never share you. You can't though. You agreed to share. "If it were only that easy," I mumbled "What?" she asked confused at my words. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I growled. "You'd like me to take you. To fuck you. Here in this shower of yours," I grunted out and finally moved my fingers to press where she really needed. Her back bowed out, pressing my fingers against her clit harder. "I want you, Bella. Just you. Right here. No Jasper. Right now," the words tumbled out now as I slid my fingers along her lower lips. There was no filter between my brain and mouth. Letting out the feelings that I swore earlier I wouldn't show. I was falling too deep into what was happening to hold them back. She was whimpering words I couldn't make out. Moving her hand from atop mine to my hip, she pulled me closer into her. Grinding her ass against my cock trying to create the friction we both wanted so much. My fingers plunged into her as I kissed and sucked at the skin on her shoulder. I wanted to mark her. Mark her so Jasper could see who she really belonged to. Claim her as mine if only physically, if only in this small way. I worked her hard trying to bring her to orgasm. To show her I was the better man. The right man for her. Only me.

"Edward!" "I felt so left out, Bella. So excluded," I let the words come as they may. Pouring out the anger, frustration and desperation I was feeling into my words and actions. My fingers furiously pumped into her as she ground her ass harder into me. "Let me make it up to you," she moaned into my neck as she swirled her hips and turned to face me. She looked into my eyes. I wanted to shut them so she wouldn't see what was there. Didn't want her to see what this arrangement was doing to me. I couldn't let her see. She would pity me then. And I couldn't handle pity from her. Instead of saying anything else she leaned up and kissed me tenderly. The feelings that her kiss brought to the surface stunned me. I had thought I had them under lock down. As I was trying to get my emotions under control she grasped my cock and began to slowly pump me with her tiny delicate hands. All thought left my mind as I surrendered to the feeling of her hand on me. My desire and lust for her at a boiling point now. I kissed her back feverishly now. Needing more. Always needing more of her. I would consume her whole if I could. Grabbing and caressing her ass I pulled her closer to me. Wanting her closer. Wanting to be in her. No, needing to be in her. I had enough; I needed it now. Right now. "Fuck you," I moaned. "Need to fuck you now." Lifting her up, I placed her against the cold tile of the shower wall. Pressing against her body fully now. Her hands moved to my shoulders pulling me closer to her, like she needed it just as much as I did. She just stared at me as I stared back. I hoped my emotions weren't showing on my face. Hoped that she didn't see the myriad of things I was feeling at this moment. Looking at me so intently a look of confusion crossed her face. As is she couldn't make out what she was seeing. I could tell that she was having an inner argument with her self. Trying to come to some conclusion. Then the look was replaced by one of lust. A look I was now familiar with. She wanted me. Wanted me bad. She whimpered and it made me smile my crooked smile. Loving the fact that she wanted

me just as much as I wanted her. My ego ballooned to 100 times its normal size. That I could make her feel this way. Only me. Not Jasper, me. Fan-fucking-tastic. "Like what you see, Bella?" I asked with a cocky tone to my voice. She bit her lip and nodded, the lust and want clearly written all over her face. She has no idea what that does to me, does she? I would give her anything when she looks at me like that. "Good because I want you to keep your eyes open as I make you cum. I want to see your face when you explode around my cock. Can you do that for me?" I said roughly my lust giving my voice a desperate edge. "Yes," she squeaked. "Good girl. Now let's see if you're as tight as I remember." I held her tighter as I slid her down the shower wall positioning her above my cock. Her legs came around my waist eager to have me fill her. Wanting to tease her a bit I didn't enter her yet. "Right," I said tightening my grip on her hips and causing her to grip my shoulders tighter. "There," I said and thrust into her. This felt so right. Her. Me. Us. Together. How could she not feel it? I had felt it the first time we kissed back when we were fifteen. I was buried in her now. All the way. Nothing in between us. Completely sheathed. Complete. I couldn't move. It was too much. Always too much with her. The need. The want. The desire. The love. The overwhelming need to tell her how I felt. To ruin everything with three small words. My face was in the crook of her neck. I breathed in deep taking in her scent. Her lovely scent that called to me. That made my head dizzy with everything that I felt for her. "Please," softly escaped her lips, pleading with me. Her hot breath brushed over my ear as she swirled her hips against mine. Her word almost broke me. I almost destroyed everything. I almost said it then. I almost did what I vowed I wouldn't do.

Make love to her. I vowed that I wouldn't make love to her again until she said it. I couldn't make love to her until she told me. It would kill me if I made love to her and she didn't love me back. No, this would be fucking. It could only be fucking till we were both on the same page. It was the only way. The only way for my heart to survive. "Fuck," I groaned at the realization that I had let emotions slip through. "Please," she begged. Did she know what she was begging for? Did she want me to fuck her or love her? It was unclear. I wanted to do both, but couldn't do the latter. I couldn't. It would be my destruction. I moved my head back to look at her. To see if I could see what she wanted from me. I pleaded with her with my eyes to let me love her. To let her love me the same way I love her. I couldn't make out what she was feeling. But I knew she didn't love me. Biting my lip in a gesture that mirrored one she did so often I almost told her again. My hair fell into my face, breaking the moment between us. It stopped me from telling her. I looked away and pushed the emotions down once and for all. I pushed them deep down and locked them away. My need to take and claim her came roaring back to the surface. To the point it was all I was feeling. "Please do something," she asked barely above a whisper. As I looked back at her, I finally sealed my emotions. And then I let my desire and lust flow freely. Let them take over. "You want me to do something? Well, how about this then," I said in my cockiest tone and proceeded to fuck her senseless. I poured all of the need that she made me feel into my action. I slammed into her roughly over and over not out of anger, but out of my want for her. Trying to make her feel what she did to me. How she made me feel. How much she made me want her. How good it felt to be with her. We could only get out grunts and moans and each other's name. It was all consuming, the fucking that was taking place. I was drowning in it. Drowning in the sensation of being

with her again. "Please," she groaned out loudly, both of us so close to our peaks. "Bella," was all I could get out. "Need." I needed her. Needed her so much. Needed her physically yes, but I needed her to love me back. To make me finally complete with her love. Her love was the only thing that could make me whole. Not my friendship with her and Jasper. No, only she could make me whole. "I know," she said as if she could hear my thoughts. Thrusting into her one last time, I put all that I was into it the movement. We both came with a stunning fierceness I had never felt before. It was beyond anything I had felt last night. Each time with her was better than the last. Better than I ever thought possible. I let it take over and control me. Let it explode through me. Her "I know" came back to me as my orgasm died down. Did she know? Did she feel the same way? Did she need my love to make her complete too? "Please," escaped my lips into her neck in a plea for her to need me the way I needed her. I again had to push my emotions aside to where they wouldn't show as I slipped out of her. Gently placing her feet back on the ground, I kissed her neck working my way to her ear. "Never sexier," I whispered the only thing I trusted myself to say. I looked at her now. My face a careful mask. I knew I had to get out of there before I did something really, really stupid like fall to my knees and beg her to love me back. Cupping her cheek I looked at her with the friendly affection I was used to showing her. The one that I felt but used to hide my love for her. I deserved a fucking award for hiding so well from her. "Bella." "Edward." With that I turned and left. Desperate to get away from her. Get away from the desire to bare my soul to her. I was anxious to figure out how my plan had failed. How my emotions almost got the better of me. On my way out, I slammed the bathroom door out of frustration at my inability to keep my

feelings from coming out. I dried off quickly and dressed in a pair of jeans and a light sweater. I went to my piano. My piano always helped my work out what was going on in my head. Always helped to calm me. The Chopin came easily to me. It was light but sad at the same time. It fit the mood I was stuck in. I played the piece repeatedly, all the while thinking about how things had gotten so fucked up so fast. Obviously I couldn't separate my emotions and feelings for Bella during sex with her. I had failed in my very first attempt. I simply couldn't lock them away like I wanted to. So what was I going to do? Tell her you idiot! NO! No, I can't. She doesn't feel the same way. Then make her feel it. I can't make her fall in love with me. Have you tried? Well … no, but… No buts. Do it. No. I want her to fall in love with me on her own. Okay, but that still doesn't solve the problem. I would do the only thing I could think of. I would let my feelings show during sex, but not too much. I still would not make love to her. But maybe if I didn't fight with my feelings so much maybe it would be easier to hide them. I could hide them well enough under normal circumstances so I just needed to do it when I was with her intimately. Because the only other option was to stop being with her and that was simply not an option now. A warm hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts. My fingers paused over the keys and I looked up and over my shoulder. Bella stood there, looking so sad and so confused. Did I make her feel that way? Was I the one to make her sad? That thought pulled at my heart and made my gut twist.

I was trying to think of something to say...to make the sadness go away. Nothing was coming. Then her soft voice broke the heavy silence. "Edward." That one simple word was filled with doubt and confusion and pain and sadness. My head dropped down … there was nothing I was yet willing to say to make what she was feeling go away. To ease whatever she was feeling. I was a fucking coward.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. It was Halloween. I usually loved Halloween. But for some reason I was filled with a sense of foreboding. Like something really bad or wonderful was going to happen tonight. I didn't know what though. We usually didn't do anything special for Halloween except hand out candy to trick-or-treater's and have our own little party with a few people over. Never having dressed up for Halloween as an adult I was actually kind of excited about. That is until they told me what they wanted to dress up as. I should have out my foot down to the skimpy outfit that I wouldn't usually be caught dead in. But they had said I would look "hot" as they put it. And the three of us were dressing in a theme. So I caved in as usual when it came to my guys. 'Princess Leia' in her slave outfit from Return of the Jedi. Really, I was going to be a living, breathing fantasy for my guys. I had hopes of the evening ended with a bang so to speak. Jasper was going to be dressed up as 'Luke' from Episode IV and Edward as 'Han Solo.' I was actually looking forward to seeing them in costume. I knew that the guys would look great.

I stood in my bedroom and stared at the barely-there costume laid out on my bed with disdain. They should have just dressed me in my underwear for the amount of skin this costume actually covered. I had just finished showering and was doing my hair up in the 'Leia' braid, trying to be as authentic as I could be. If I was going to do this I was going to do it right. As I was doing my hair I thought back on the last five weeks. Five weeks had passed since making 'the arrangement' as I was calling it. It had been a fun five weeks, that was for sure. But sometimes it felt liked I was living in a live porno film. It seemed all we ever did anymore was have sex. Stop complaining. I'm not, not really. Don't get me wrong, the sex was spectacular but sometimes I just wanted to veg out in front of the TV without being attacked by two very horny guys. We hardly ever talked now. Or just hung out. We never went out anymore. I missed my guys. Missed our friendship. I was lonely even though I spent every second I wasn't in class with them. Sometimes felt like I was an object to be used by them. We had only gone out once since making the arrangement. And that had been the day we made it. Dinner at the Thai place we all loved and then off to Costco to go condom shopping. Having had gone though Jasper's entire supply in one night we needed more. It had been funny and embarrassing and something I never wanted to do again. Needless to say we stocked up and haven't had to go since. Thank god. And I am not going with them next time either. That is all on them. So when Jasper said that his bar was having a big Halloween party I told the boys we were going. It would be good for us to get out and socialize with others for a change. They agreed as long as they could pick the costumes. That was a mistake that I regretted when they showed me my costume. But what's done was done. Yep, better get this over with. You are so stupid to agreeing to this, ya know. Yes, no need to remind me.

I picked up the dreaded outfit as I tried to figure out how to put it on. It would take a lot of finagling to get into. But I think the end result would be worth it. Just seeing the guys faces when they saw me would be worth the embarrassment of wearing the stupid thing. I didn't really get embarrassed in front of my guys anymore. Not after everything that we had been doing lately. And by doing I meant sex. And we had been having a lot of it. Except for that week that I was on my period and came down with a UTI at the same time seeing how I had had sex everyday in the last 5 weeks. After the first night I had made a rule about how much sex we could have at one time. My poor vagina couldn't take the abuse she took that first night again. So the new rule was only one penetration each per session. It had worked out so far. And I had become a pro at giving head now. There hadn't been any repeats of what had happened with Edward when it felt like we had made love or whatever had happened between us in the shower that morning. It wasn't as if he was distant. But he did seem to be detached from what was going on. He climbed into my bed almost every night and had made a habit of joining me in the shower every morning. But something was off. He was getting more one-on-one time then Jasper. But really I didn't mind giving him the extra attention. He seemed so sad lately, so withdrawn. He wasn't as lighthearted or cheerful as he normally was. He acts like a hormonal teenage girl all the time now. Yep and I am getting a little tired of it. I just wish he would tell us what is bothering him. I mean, he was happy and enjoying himself when we were together but sometimes I would see the sadness take over. When it happened I just held him to me. Tried to absorb whatever he was feeling. I just wanted to make the look on his face go away. Wanted him to be happy again. I shook my thoughts of Edward as I finally finished putting on the ridiculous 'Princess Leia' costume. Honestly, I did look good though if I do say so myself. I left my bedroom to go get Edward so we could get this over with. I was not in the party mood and really didn't want to go in the first place. Jazz had already left. He was off tonight but only with the understanding that he would help set up the bar beforehand.

When I walked into the living room I found Edward sitting at his piano, as always, playing something or another that I couldn't make out. I didn't want to disturb him, so I silently watched him, taking his appearance in and committing it to memory. He looked good in his 'Han Solo' costume. So good, it made me wet just looking at him. It was fitted and tight, showing off his amazing swimmers build. The costume was complete down to the blaster holster wrapped around his thigh. The only thing wrong with the look was the untidy mess of bronze hair. Damn, he looks good. I cleared my throat to get his attention. "Ya ready to go?" I asked just loud enough for him to hear me over the piano. He stopped playing and turned his head to look at me. His jaw hung open and I swore I saw drool leak out of the corner of his mouth. A look of pure lust flashed in his eyes. I took full advantage of his look and decided to tease him a bit, turning in circle to give him the complete view. "So you like my costume?" I asked innocently. He merely nodded his head and stood up quickly, almost knocking the piano bench over. Before I could say anything else his hands were on my ass under the flap of fabric that was passing for a skirt and he was pressing me roughly to him. His lips attacked mine with a fervor I had not felt from him before. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hitching my leg over his hip. He lifted me up, and both my legs instantly wrapped around him. Our kiss deepened and I could feel his hard-on through the thin fabric of my skirt. "So I take it you like my costume then?" I breathed. "I fucking love it. Don't ever take it off," he answered huskily. His lips moved from my mouth, leaving a trail of hot open-mouthed kisses along my jaw and neck down to my collarbone. Edward's movements were pulling me under and causing every rational thought to leave my mind, but I knew if I didn't stop him we would not make it to the party. I had to say something before my brain stopped working. "Edward, the party," I barely squeaked out. "Fuck the party, Bella!" "Well, if I did that I would be too tired and worn out to have any fun with you and Jasper

after the party, Edward." "Bella … god … so hot … fuck it," he said into my neck. The next thing I knew the front of my thighs were pressed against the back of the couch. Edward's hand pushed between my shoulder blades to bend me over the couch. I felt the flap of fabric from my skirt land across my back as Edward flipped it up to gain access to my panties. He pressed his hips against my ass, grinding his erection into me. Groaning at the sensation, my legs spread automatically. Giving him more room for what I hoped was about to happen. I was ready. No more foreplay was needed. I wanted him in me just as much as he wanted to be in me. He leaned over me to grab one of the condoms that we kept on the side table since making the arrangement. I heard his zipper open and the rip of the foil packet. My nipples hardened instantly at the sounds. They knew what was about to happen. I felt his cold fingers move aside the fabric covering my sex. And then he plunged into me balls deep, filling me completely. A loud, gasping 'fuck' escaped my lips at the sensation. My hands grabbed the edge of the couch to keep from falling over the back of it. Edward started thrusting into me fast and hard. His hands gripped my hips pulling me to him as he pumped in and out of me. It felt so damn good. All I could do was drop my head down and take it. Take the pounding that he was giving me. I was powerless to the feelings and sensations he was creating. "Bella … fuck … you're so damn tight …" Edward growled out at me. "Edward, please," escaped my lips in barely a whisper. "That's right Bella, beg me," he grunted in between hard thrusts. "Please … Edward … harder … more." At my words he increased the force of his assault on my pussy. His hips slapped into my backside. He was fucking me so hard now that we were moving the couch with each thrust. I didn't know how much more I could take of this. It was so raw, so primal, and so damn good. I loved it when he fucked me like this. When he just let everything go and let his lust take over. He was close; I could tell by his grip on my hips and the growls escaping his lips. I was

close too. I shifted onto my tiptoes, changing the angle slightly to allow him to go deeper. We both moaned loudly at the new sensation. "Fuck, Bella, so close … cum with me baby," he groaned out as one hand moved from my hip to dip under the fabric of my panties in search of my clit. He started to flick my clit roughly, knowing just how much I liked it when he did it. Trying to get me off with him. It worked and one rough flick later I was cumming, my walls quivering around his dick. I heard him hiss at the feeling. My climax was hard and powerful and euphoric. I let it take over and control me. He thrust into one last time, so hard the couch moved six inches. And then he was cumming with me. I could feel it through the condom. I was still breathing hard as I came down. Edward collapsed onto my back, his breathing just as ragged as mine. "So I take it you really, really like my costume?" I asked, still somewhat dazed. "Understatement of the decade, Bella," he chuckled into my neck. After a few more minutes he got off the couch and helped me up. "Let me go clean up and we can get going okay?" I asked again. He simply nodded at me. After cleaning up I put on fresh pair of panties and adjusted my costume. Giving myself one last look in the mirror I made my way to the living room. I found Edward standing in the living room staring at the couch, a sad look on his face. Gah, what is wrong now? I know we just had sex so what could he be sad about? "Edward," I said softly putting a hand on his arm. He grabbed me and held me close, mumbling words I couldn't make out into my hair. He was working though something it seemed so I let him have his moment. Finally he pulled back and said, "Ready?" His face was a careful, stoic mask. He wasn't giving anything away.

"Yep, let's go. I can't wait to see Jazz's outfit and see that they have done to the bar," I answered, hoping to get back to more pleasant times. Edward helped me into my coat all while not saying anything. We got in his Volvo and made our way to the bar. The drive was short and quiet. Both of us not were not saying anything. We arrived at the bar and Edward helped me out of the car. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he led me to the entrance. We checked out coats and I looked around the decorated bar for Jasper. I heard a low growl come from Edward and looked up to see him glaring at the coat check attendant. What was that about? Don't know. Edward put his arm around my waist again, his fingers brushing up and down my side as he moved me towards the bar. It was odd. We had never displayed affection in public before. And honestly it made me a little uncomfortable. As if everyone could see what we did behind closed doors. I wasn't ashamed of what I did with Jasper and Edward, but I didn't want anyone to know about it either. Shrugging off Edward's arm I placed my drink order and continued to look for Jasper. The bar was packed and I didn't see him anywhere. As I sipped my drink I looked up at Edward. He had deep scowl on his face. What's his problem? Better find out. Yeah. I leaned in so I could whisper in his ear and said, "Edward, what's wrong?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Bella, every guy in here is looking at you," he said pointedly. "So…" "They're ogling you. I don't like it." "Really?" I said in surprise as no one usually gave me a second look.

"Yes, really. Can't you see them? They are all thinking about how to get you out of your costume and into their bed," he said looking at me now, the scowl still on his face. "Edward, for starters the only bed I am going to be in is yours or Jasper's. And second you two were the ones who picked this stupid thing out for me to wear," I responded irritably. Really he is being very silly and stupid. Yeah he is. "Well…" he trailed off having given no real response. "Well indeed," I said, turning from him to search for Jasper once again. It was going to be a very long night I could tell.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. JPOV Finally I was done with the list of shit Laurent the pub owner wanted me to do. When I traded a night off of work for setting up the bar, I didn't realize I would have so much setting up to do. Bastard. What did I have to do? I had to put up all the decorations and stock the entire fucking bar. That was what the "Beerback" was for dammit. As I came up from my last trip from the beer cooler, I looked around the bar for Edward and Bella. The place was packed with people. Women scantily clad in barely there costumes and guys all over them. I could tell already it was going to be a fun night. I had yet to see Bella in the costume Edward and I had picked out for her. She refused to model it for us when it arrived last week. She was downright pissed when she saw our selection. I could tell she was planning revenge. But whatever she could dish out would be worth it just to see one of my fantasies brought to life. I could handle anything she threw my way.

I just hoped she wasn't planning on exacting it tonight. I had plans for the three us later. Catching the eye of one of the bartenders, I ordered a beer and asked if he had seen Bella and Edward yet. Having worked there for a couple of years, everyone knew my best friends. He smiled a total shit eating grin at me while raising an eyebrow and tilted his head down the bar. I craned my head past the masses of people in the direction he indicated. I saw Edward's ever messy head of hair over the crowd. Taking my beer from the bartender, I headed in Edward's direction. As I got closer I saw the scowl on Edward's face and wondered briefly what had him so damn upset. Granted it wasn't particularly odd for Edward to be upset or moody lately. He was perpetually pissy it seemed. Standing next to Edward was … Oh. My. Fucking. God. Bella looked so fucking good in her costume. I was instantly hard. Such a fucking idiot. We should never have had her dress up in that. She was just far too tempting. I needed to have her. Needed her now. Right now. My grey eyes turned green as all hell with jealousy when I saw every creature in the bar with a dick looking at her as if she was something they wanted to eat. Oh hell fucking no! She is mine. Don't you mean ours? No. I mean mine. The sudden realization of what I had just thought hit me hard and made me stop dead in my tracks on my way to where they stood. It deflated the urgent lust her appearance stirred in me. She was not mine. She was ours. She always had been ours. The fact that we were sleeping with her did not change that. We were still the three of us. I had no claim to her. She could come and go as she pleased. I had no control over her and didn't want to control her. I also had no control over the guys looking at her body either.

But that fact didn't stop me from wanting to drag her off and cover her up either. Or punch every guy for looking at her the way only Edward and I should be looking at her. Did I want her to be mine? Maybe? The last five weeks had been wonderful, that's for sure. I never felt closer to her then I had lately. There were feelings there between her and me. Feelings beyond the friendly affection and physical desire were growing in me. I knew she felt it too. We had not talked about it mostly because I didn't have a label for it yet. What I did know was that I had never felt this way about anyone before. That I wanted more from her than just her body. Exactly what I wanted I didn't know though. That was the thought that was constantly on my mind lately. What did I want from Bella? What would she be willing to give me? It was something that we would have to address and soon. Before whatever was going on between us grew too big or went away. Our time together was special to me and I knew she felt the same way. We had alone time three to four times a week. The rest of the time it was the three of us together. The arrangement was working out well so far. But something had been off for a couple of weeks now. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what though; it was more a small voice in the back of my head telling me something was different. I didn't know what went on between Bella and Edward when I wasn't around. And honestly I didn't want to know. Whatever went on between the two of them was just that. Between the two of them. He had not once asked me what happened between her and me. So I assumed that he felt the same way I did. Admittedly I was a little jealous of the thought of the two of them together. Not jealous that he might be getting more time alone with her but jealous that I had to share her. No, that wasn't it. I was more than okay with sharing her with him. Maybe it was more that I was jealous she might be getting closer to him than me. It was a secret fear of mine that there might be feelings developing between them that I couldn't be apart of. That I would be pushed out of our little group. That I might lose the two most important people to me in the whole world. I tried to shake that gloomy thought as I walked towards my friends who were now facing each other having a discussion or rather an argument it seemed. Well, this is no good.

Nodding to Edward, I placed a kiss on the back of Bella's shoulder blade. My touch made her jump slightly as she turned around to see who was kissing her. A small frown crossed her face when she saw it was me. I didn't want to see her unhappy so I leaned into kiss her on the lips. Right before my lips found hers though she moved her head and my lips landed on her cheek. I pulled back, perplexed at her move. We always kissed on the lips now. Always. What had Edward done to piss her off so much that she was refusing my normally welcomed advances? Asshat if he did anything to annoy her I will fucking kill him. He has been a moody prick lately. Man PMSing most likely. Whoa, maybe she is pissed off at us too. What did we do? Nothing. That I know of. "Bella?" I asked while looking at her with confusion. Her brow furrowed in a look of what could only be frustration. Usually I was pretty good interpreting what her facial expressions meant, but right now I was completely at a loss as to what that look was for. Or why it was directed at me. "Bella?" I asked again as my hand went to her neck to caress and comfort her. Her frustrated look only deepened as she took a step back from me and collided with Edward's chest. He brought his hands up to steady her, placing them on her bare arms. She shrugged off his touch and sidestepped so she was facing both of us. "You two come with me right now," she said while pointing a finger first at me then at Edward. She then spun around and marched away from us. Whatever was bothering her was not good. And my good mood from earlier was suddenly gone. It was going to be a really short or really long night. BPOV

I could not believe the two of them. First Edward was all snuggling up to me when we got here and then he went all caveman on me over the way guys were looking at me. Next Jasper came up, kissed me on my shoulder and then tried to kiss me on my lips. What the fuck was he thinking? Really? I headed towards a dark corner of the bar so we could all talk in relative privacy. I looked behind me and saw that they were following me. Both of them looked as if someone had run over their puppy. My earlier anger and irritation vanished in an instant. It wasn't their fault, not really. Since things had changed between us we had not truly been out as a group and I am sure they thought nothing of their actions. This was mostly due to the affection they had tried to show me being perfectly natural for us now. The thing was I just didn't want to them to display those affections to the general public. Especially in front of people we knew. No one needed to know what went on in our house as far as I was concerned, especially what went on in our bedrooms. Or our living room. Or bathrooms. I turned around to face them when I finally got to the corner. They both were fidgeting and not meeting my eyes. I was really starting to feel bad about my mood swing only moments earlier and all of my fight was gone now. I just wanted us to have a good time. Taking a hand from each of them, I squeezed gently to get them to look me in the eye. "Guys, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to get so upset," I apologized. They still weren't smiling at me. Still looking like two little boys that were being scolded by their mother. "I love you, you know that right?" I added. They nodded in response but didn't say anything. I focused on Jasper for a minute. "Jasper sweetie, you just caught me by surprise. I didn't mean to move away from you. Well okay, I kind of did. But it wasn't because I didn't want you to kiss me. I just don't want you to kiss me in public. Okay?" I said to him. "Okay Bells, I didn't know it would bother you so much," he replied, his remorse evident in his voice. Turning to look at Edward I said, "Edward honey, I am sorry I shrugged you off twice. First when we got here and then when you were trying to keep me from falling. I did it for the

same reasons I just told Japser. You understand, right?" I coaxed Edward. "I understand, Bella. We didn't know," he said and looked at Jasper for confirmation of his last statement. Jasper glumly nodded and Edward looked back to me, continuing on. "We do that kind of stuff all the time now. It doesn't seem to bother you and it is just part of who we are now. You should have told us not to do that kind of stuff in public. I don't see what the big deal is. We always did that sorta thing before and it's never bothered you." "No Edward, we did not do that sorta thing before," I replied tersely. Edward went to open his mouth but I placed my hand over it to stop him from talking. "I wasn't finished. Yes before you two would hold my hand or kiss my cheek or put your arm around my shoulder. But now you were both being affectionate in a more than 'we're just friends' way. Trying to kiss me on the lips or on my shoulder. Putting your arm around my waist and pulling me to you. I love those things, honestly I do. But those are things lovers do. And yes, I know that we are lovers now. But I don't want everyone else to know it. Do you two get what I mean by that?" I tried to explain. Edward placed a small kiss on the palm of my hand while grabbing it with his, giving it a squeeze. "Can I talk now, please?" Edward said still holding my hand but moving it to his chest over his heart. His intense lime eyes meet mine and I knew that he understood what I was trying to say. "Yes of course. Talk," I relented, suddenly feeling timid under his gaze. He looked at Jasper again, something seemingly being said between them in with their eyes. It was similar to the silent conversation that they had had that first night. Too similar actually. Jasper grinned and chuckled lightly at whatever he was seeing in Edward's eyes. Edward in turn smiled his crooked smile and nodded at Jasper. They both moved to flank me on either side. Their arms around my shoulders, sandwiching me between them. Leaning down Jasper whispered in my ear. "We understand, Bella. We just didn't know you felt that way. This is the first time we have been out together. This is new to all of us. We just have to talk to each other. But we promise to behave. Right, Eddie?" Jasper said while looking at Edward during the last bit. "Yeah, Jazz. We will behave," he agreed and put his hand on my chin tilting it up so I was looking at him. "But Bella, you should not be ashamed of what we do together. What happens between the three of us is beautiful and amazing. We get that you don't want people to know about it. And we feel the same way. Not because we are ashamed of what we do but because it is private between the three of us. Something special just for us."

After he was done he placed a light kiss on my forehead and it made me smile. I couldn't tell them that a part of me was ashamed of what we did together. Well, not ashamed exactly. But at times I did feel like a whore. As if I would be forever marked as a slut. Like Hester Prynne I felt I would forever wear a scarlet letter on my chest marking me as a whore. Am I really a whore? I don't feel like one. Not right now, but you do feel like an object sometimes. Yes, I guess I do. But I didn't want to think about that now though. I wanted to have a good time with my guys. Wanted it to feel like it did before making the arrangement. I wanted my guys back. First though I had one more issue to address before we could go have some fun like old times. I leaned my head back unto Jasper's arm and closed my eyes, nodding to my guys. "One more thing, you two," I said after opening my eyes and glaring at each of them sternly. "I have already talked to Edward about this a bit. You two were the ones that dressed me up like this. Did you two really think that I wouldn't attract attention looking like this? I get that you two are getting off seeing my dressed like this. But were you thinking with anything other than your penises? You can not get upset anymore with guys looking at me. All they are going to do is look. Got it? I go home with you two. You two are the only ones I want to go home with. Let them look and get jealous of the two hot guys I am with." They both laughed at that. And the sound made me smile again. It felt like us again. Like we were before sex got in the way of our friendship. It felt good. God, I love them something hard. Slipping from between them, I turned to face them and grabbed their hands. "Now let's go have some fun. I feel like dancing. Come on," I said walking backwards while tugging them along with me. We got to the dance floor, Edward moving behind me while Jasper was in front. We started to sway to the beat of the music. Getting lost in the music and the feeling of the three of us

together as it should be. We danced for several hours. We took breaks every now and then to get drinks or play a game of pool. Of course, I swept the table as always. Guitar Hero and Pool. The two things the guys could not beat me at. The whole time Edward continued to scowl or glare at anyone he caught looking at me. I hated to admit it but it was a turn on for him to be so protective and downright cavemanish over me. It reminded me of the way he took me from behind earlier in the evening before we left the house. Sex was usually gentle and caring between us. But every once in a while he would let go of whatever was holding him back and just take me. Just fuck me senseless. Secretly I was hoping that later tonight it might get a little rough with the three of us. It was a special night and I was willing to drop the normal rules I had applied to our joint sessions. Maybe we would have a repeat of the first night. I knew I was having an affect on them dressed the way I was. Edward's initial reaction earlier at the house was proof enough. By this point in the evening I had drank quite a bit and was just a little beyond buzzed, venturing into the somewhat drunk zone. My inhibitions were becoming practically non existent. "Tic Toc" by LeAnn Rimes came on over the sound system and I dragged the guys onto the dance floor. It was time to tease and taunt them a bit. Pressing Edward into my front, my arm went around his neck to pull him closer to me. I grabbed Jasper's thigh with my other arm bringing him flush to my back. Both of them placed a hand on either side of my hip as their other hands brushed my bare thighs. My hand went from Jasper's thigh to behind his neck. It was a very intimate position. I could feel their body heat seeping into my skin. Making me sweat before we even started dancing. I swiveled my hips coming in contact with each of their hips as we started to sway to the provocative lyrics of the song. Leaning in, I kissed up Edward's neck. My previous words about public displays of affection were forgotten as the lyrics, the alcohol and feel of them against me flooded my senses. I wanted them. I wanted them bad. Edward let out a low growl, thrusting his hips against me. I felt his hardness brush my hip and this caused me to moan into his neck. I clutched at his hair with my hand. He pressed against me harder. My head fell back onto Jasper's shoulder as my hips

searched for more friction from Edward. Jasper nibbled along my jaw and neck with his mouth as his hand on my hip moved up and down my side brushing the side of my breast with each journey upward. Jasper's hips pressed into my lower back and I could feel his own hardness. For a brief second I wondered what it would be like to have them both in me at the same time. That was something we hadn't done. Yet. Maybe tonight? Maybe I am drunk enough to let them try it. Edward's hand on my thigh moved to cup right below my ass, pressing me into him and further ended all previous even irrational thought processes. They were both pressed tight against me. No air between us. It was erotic and whispered hints of what might come later. Jasper continued to kiss and lick at my shoulder as his hips now swirled against my back, mimicking what he would do to me if I was naked. "Bella," he growled into the skin on my shoulder. His breath ran hot across my breasts and made my nipples pebble. Edward was on the other side of my neck, kissing the space below my ear. Nipping at it just the way he knew I liked. Hot … too hot. I felt my arousal drip into my panties and knew I wouldn't last long if we continued to this dance of sorts. I was lost to it. To the rhythm our bodies were creating. The heat and electricity was there. It was always there for us. This was more than lust and desire. This was different. A good different. The song came to an end and changed to a rap song with heavy bass beats. It effectively broke the spell that had been cast over the last few minutes. They both stepped away from me as if they knew whatever had happened was now over. "So, drink?" Jasper asked. "Yeah, sounds good," I said as Edward said, "I could use a beer." We made out way to the bar. My body temperature was slowly returning to normal but I missed the heat of our dance.

I was eager to recreate what had gone on out on the dance floor. But back at home where we wouldn't have to stop. Can we go home now? I am certainly ready. Ready and willing and dripping. We got our drinks. We all sipped at them slowly as if we were trying not to remember what had just taken place before we jumped one another. Laurent the bar owner came up to Jasper, apparently wanting to talk to him about something or another. While they were talking Edward excused himself to go to the bathroom. Finishing my drink, I faced the bar and ordered another. The special drink for Halloween was yummy and I was knocking them back like they were water. I felt a hand brush along my shoulder. Thinking it was one of the guys, I turned around to tease them about the now back in effect PDA rule. It wasn't one of my guys though; it was someone else. He was attractive. Not as attractive as my guys though. He had a big muscular build like Jasper's brother-in-law Emmett. His brown hair was cut short and he was overly tan. I wondered if he went to a tanning bed. He leaned in and asked, "Wanna dance?" Not seeing the harm in one dance I nodded and said, "Yeah, but give me a second." I caught Jasper's eyes over Laurent's shoulder, letting him know what I was doing. He nodded back in acknowledgement and returned to his conversation. "Let's go," I said to Mr. Tanning Bed. Some R&B song was playing. I think it was Rhianna but I wasn't sure. We started to dance, a safe distance between us. As we got more into the song we moved closer to where finally his thigh was between my legs and his hands were on my hips and we were grinding against one another. It was nothing like my last dance though. If I had been sober I probably wouldn't have let him be this close to me. But the alcohol was making my brain fuzzy. Suddenly I felt a tug on my arm and I was being dragged off the dance floor. I looked at the hand on my upper arm, following it up till I saw Edward's extremely pissed off face. He pulled me over to where we had our conversation earlier, still not letting my arm go. His

actions and the look on his face instantly sobered me up. I was pissed off now. How the fuck dare he! Oh, he is in for it now. "Edward, what the hell do you think you are doing?" I hissed out through my teeth as I jerked my arm from his grasp. "Bella, that jackass was all over you. Grinding up against you," Edward said in a low menacing voice. "So? I was just dancing with him." "That was more than dancing, Bella. You were practically fucking him out there for everyone to see," Edward said leaning in to the point our noses were almost touching. My mouth fell in shock at his words. But before I could respond, he said, "Bella, you are mine … I mean ours. Mine and Jasper's. You belong to us." He did not just say what I think he said, did he? Yes, he did. "Edward, let me make this perfectly clear for you. I. Belong. To. No. One. Got it?" I said, poking a finger into his chest after every word to get my point across. Before he had a chance to respond, I spun around on my heal and left him standing there all alone in the darkened corner of the overly crowded bar.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. EPOV She had to hate me now. What I had done was completely uncalled for really. It was only dancing. It was innocent, at least on her side. She had told Jasper and me earlier that we

were the only ones she wanted to be with, the only ones she wanted to go home with. I was such a fucking jackass. I had let my jealousy over someone other than Jasper and me touching her run wild and now she was royally pissed off at me. And rightly so. I had two options now. The first was I could go apologize for my brutish behavior. Or alternatively I could get really, really drunk. As incredibly appealing as the second boozier option was I knew I needed to set things right. I set off to look for her, determined now to makes thing right between us. It had been a night of serious fuck ups for me. First I had taken her over the back of the couch like she was a common piece of ass. Which she wasn't. She was my everything. And even though we both enjoyed it I shouldn't have done it. It was not how I wanted to be with her. Well, that was a lie. I wanted to be with her in every way possible. Even with my undeniable desire for her in every way, shape and form, I was remorseful for using her like that the instant our sex high wore off. Second was my showing affection and protectiveness for her. I didn't see that as a fuck up per say, but she did. And that was what mattered. But undoubtedly my biggest fuck up of the night had just occured. I should never have dragged her away like that. She was not mine. Not completely mine. Yet. Yet? I have a plan. Yes, I know. Are you going to implement said plan any time in this century? The timing hasn't been right. And what if I lose everything in the process? It's a risk you have to take. She is worth it. Since our communal agreement I had never been happier, but at the same time I was miserable all the time on the inside. The massive ball of conflicting emotions made me sullen and ecstatic and moody. I could tell my moodiness was getting on Jazz and Bell's nerves.

To my relief, a repeat of the shower incident had not happened again, thank god. I had become really good at balancing being with her and not letting my feelings for her completely take over. Granted, I did let them out in small doses. Giving her little bits of my love for her. Dropping hints of what I truly felt for her. Doing little things to show her how much she meant to me. The problem was I couldn't tell if she understood what I was showing and doing for her. This whole thing was so complicated. What had seemed simple was in reality a big fucking mess. Things were different obviously and I kind of felt as if we had lost 'us' in the last five weeks. And I wanted 'us' back. We needed to talk. All of us together. Fix whatever had gone wrong somewhere along the way. But first I had some groveling to do, that was for sure. Hopefully she would let me. I searched through the mass of people and finally found her at the bar facing it. Her shoulders hunched over her head resting in her hand. Fuck. I did that. Yes, you truly are a fucktard. I moved so I was behind her but not touching and leaned forward so I could talk to her. Her glorious scent enveloped me, sending my head spinning like it always did. But I fought against it. I needed to focus on apologizing and making my fuck up better. I would do anything to make it better, to make her smile again. Even removing myself from her presence and life if that is what it would take. "Bella…" I stammered. Her shoulders tensed up at my voice but otherwise she didn't acknowledge me. Fuck, this is not going to be easy. Is anything easy where she is concerned? True. I brought my hand up to touch her shoulder but hesitated laying it down on her exposed skin. As much as I wanted to touch her, I knew she would not welcome it right now and probably would only make matters worse.

"Bella…I'm sor," I started before I was cut off. "Edward, fuck off. I don't want to even look at you right now," Bella said abruptly before I could finish. "Bella, please let me…" She turned to look at me, effectively stopping my words instantly. Our bodies were so close I could feel the heat of her anger coming off her in waves. The pure fury in her eyes scared me. I had never seen her look at me this way before. "Edward, not now okay. Just go away and leave me be," she bit out at me. Treading very lightly I said, "Bells, please we need to…" She cut me off again and said, "Really, you want to do this now? And here of all places." "No, but we need to…" "Edward, just take me home. I just want to go home. This whole night has been a huge clusterfuck. I just want it to be over with," she pleaded with me now, the sadness entering her eyes. I looked at her as the words "over with" echoed in my head. No, she couldn't want this to be over with, could she? This … thing? This deal? I tried focusing back on what she had actually said and glumly nodded in response. "Let me go get Jazz and our coats and we'll go, stay right here and we will find you. Okay?" I managed to get out. She nodded and turned back to the bar. Okay, well fuck, that didn't go as I had planned. So what's next? Umm … don't rightly know actually. I turned toward the crowd and scanned around for Jasper. Since I had dropped him off earlier in the afternoon for him to set up, I was his only ride home. We couldn't leave without him. Jasper. That was a whole other mess that needed to be fixed as well. Maybe not fixed really. But

we had our own issues to work out. Jazz didn't know about my nighttime visits to Bella's bed or about our habit of showering together now. At least I didn't think he was aware. I didn't know about his and Bella's alone time together. It was not something that was discussed openly. But I was pretty sure I was clocking in more time than he was. And really I didn't think about what he and Bella did together. It was really better that way. I knew it happened. That was part of the conditions. Details were out of the question as they were too hard for me to handle. But the thought of them together really, really upset me. And I didn't know what exactly about it upset me most. The fact that he was fucking the love of my existence on a regular basis, that she may like being with him more than me, that there may be feelings between them or that I had proposed and agreed to the situation I was currently suffering in. I loved Jasper, really I did. But at the same time I resented him for having to share Bella with him. It wasn't easy to let it happen. But I did. I really had no claim to her that he didn't have as well. He didn't know I was in love with her. He didn't know that the thought of them together made me physically ill. He didn't know how many times I wanted to punch him whenever I saw him kiss Bella. How I wanted to rip his throat out whenever he'd graze his fingers along her silky arms and tickle the tender spot at the crook of her elbow. I knew those feelings towards him were irrational and completely uncalled for. But that fact didn't stop me from feeling them. Oddly enough though when it was the three of us together I didn't feel the resentment or anger. I only felt love. The love of we had for each other and the bonds of our friendship. To be honest the whole thing was very confusing. How our lives had become so muddled and messed up. But it was wonderful at the same time. I felt closer to them both and yet more distant in some ways. I was living my own personally created dichotomy. After searching and scanning the crowd, I spotted Jasper at the end of the bar. Our eyes meet in acknowledgement as I headed towards him. He was talking to Laurent when I got to him. I hated to break up their conversation but by the look on Jasper's face the intrusion was more than welcome. Laurent excused himself and Jasper turned to face me.

"Jazz, Bella wants to go home. Are you ready to go?" I asked him. "Is she alright?" he asked in return given the last time he had seen her she was in a good mood. I had a feeling my cavemanish actions from earlier would not go over particularly well with him. But it was better to tell him myself than to have Bella tell him. He was bigger than me and I had no doubt he could kick my ass if he really wanted to. "Umm … well, I was kinda an ass to her and she kinda got pissed off at me and now she wants to go home," I mumbled while looking down so I didn't have to meet his eyes. "Fuck, Edward. What did you do now?" he groaned and I could tell by his tone that he was upset with me. Great. Just what I need, both of them upset with me. Hey, you are the fuck up here. Just cause he has a dick does not put him automatically on your side man. I know but what about a little solidarity. "Well … she was … umm … dancing with some guy … and umm … I didn't … ah like how … they were … ah dancing … so I … ah dragged … her off the … umm dance floor … and …" I stammered out, still not meeting his gaze. "Dude, just spit it out!" Jasper exclaimed, his exasperation with me clear in his voice. "," I said in one big long breath. "Mind running that by me again?" he said while chuckling lightly this time. Finally I met his gaze and I said slowly this time, "I basically told her that she was fucking the guy on the dance floor. And that she was mine and yours too. And that she belonged to us. Needless to say she didn't take it that well," "And I wonder why? You are such a jackass, you know," he laughed and put a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze in reassurance that it would be okay. It was a nice gesture but I didn't know how it would be okay since she wouldn't even talk to me. I decided then and there that was something that was going to happen before the night was over. I needed to fix this now before it got any worse. "Dude, trust me I know. I regretted saying it the moment the words left my mouth. But she won't even talk to me or let me apologize. She told me to 'Fuck Off' for Christ's sakes," I grimaced.

"Well, good cause you deserved it. Why did you do it in the first place, man?" he asked with genuine curiosity. Ah, the million dollar question. To answer truthfully and tell him I was in love with our best friend or tell him something that he would buy. Hmm…. I decided to go with a partial truth instead. "Umm … well, he was all up on her. And she doesn't belong to us, I know, but seeing them dance like that it was just … I don't know … too much. She may not belong to us in so many words, but she belongs with us. And she told us that she only wanted to be with us. And umm … I don't know, I guess I was jealous and I let it get to me," I said sheepishly. "Understandable. I hate seeing her with anyone but us too," he agreed and nodded his head. "But that doesn't make it okay. You can go all possessive on her. It's not right. Got me?" "Yeah, I got you. It won't happen again, I promise. I just think that coming here and having her dress like that might have been a bad idea. Ya know?" I admitted and looked at the floor again. "Oh I know. When I first saw her … well, ya know … I wanted to … umm …" he trailed off. "Ah yeah. Trust me when I say I had a similar reaction when I saw her and let's leave it at that okay," I half grinned at him. We both chuckled at our similar responses to seeing Bella dressed as our mutual Star Wars fantasy. This was the closest we had ever gotten to actually talking about being with Bella in an intimate way. It wasn't awkward but I didn't want to go all locker room with him at the moment or ever really. Umm … yeah, let's not go there please. No kidding. "So yeah maybe a party with drunken guys lusting after our best friend dressed in practically nothing probably not our best idea ever … ya know," I said trying to change the subject. "To say the least. Come on, let's go get her and go," he said squeezing my shoulder again. I went to go get our coats as Jazz went into the backroom to go grab his stuff after I told him where Bella was and that I would meet him there.

When I arrived with the coats Jazz was already with her. He was leaning into her whispering something to her as his hand rubbed up and down her bare back. It was a friendly gesture with no obvious sexual overtones to it. The sight made me hopeful that I might be forgiven eventually. And that maybe we hadn't lost what made us well us. Here's to hoping. Jasper can help fix this. He always does. Maybe this is something I have to fix myself though. He had always been the one to help diffuse whatever spats or disagreements Bella and I frequently found ourselves in. "Ready to make tracks you two?" I asked as I helped Bella into her coat. They both nodded and headed towards the entrance. I hoped that I had not interrupted them. And also that by interrupting I had not further pissed off Bella. All I really knew was that I needed to talk to her. To try to make her understand my behavior. But how much could I let out before it was too much and we couldn't go back to the way things were? That was the real question. BPOV The car ride home was as silent as the car ride to the bar. I sat in the back to avoid Edward. It gave me time to think about what had happened and how things were between us now. Whoa, you are actually going to think about something. Oooooh, it must be the apocalypse. Oh, shut it. I have put it off long enough. Things are weird now. I know. Gotta figure out why. I wasn't upset with him anymore, just hurt. Hurt that he basically called me a slut. I was already feeling like one because of the arrangement but to have him say it was even more hurtful. Realistically, I could see why he was upset with me dancing with someone else. If I had seen him dancing like I was with some girl I might have cut the bitch. But what was really bothering me was the hope that flooded my brain for the one brief second when he said "mine" just to have is dashed when he added Jasper's name.

That was great, wasn't it? Yeah, then he had to go ruin it by talking some more. I was still in love with Edward to the point of obsession really. I let him come to my bed almost every night. He never stayed though and every time he got up to leave it broke my heart a bit. And it killed me that he didn't want to stay with me. That he was only there for my body. Using me for his release. Are you sure that is all he is doing? No … but what else could it be? He could, ya know… No, don't say it. I know he couldn't. But then we showered together almost every morning. And those times were not always about sex. Sure, we had sex. I even kept a Ziploc baggie full of condoms in there now. Those times in the shower were just about being together. Sometimes we would talk or joke. Sometimes we would wash each others' bodies. And sometimes we would just hold one another. It was our time. Edward and Bella time. It was the time that I felt closest to him. Connected to him. The time that made me hope that there might be more for us someday. I couldn't think about that possibility any longer and let my thoughts drift to Jasper. Jasper. Things were so confusing with Jasper. There was something there between us. I wouldn't call it love. But something more than fucking definitely. I knew it scared him. Whatever it was that was going on between us. He had never had a relationship before and I was the closest he had ever gotten to a girlfriend. I could tell that he wanted to explore it further. He didn't have to tell me; I just knew. But by exploring it further together I felt like I was giving up on my dream of being with Edward forever. And I didn't think I was ready to give up on that yet. So whenever I thought he might try to bring it up I changed the subject or attacked him.

Avoiding it for as long as possible worked well enough for now. But that wouldn't work forever. Eventually I would not be able to avoid it any longer and I would have to have the conversation with him. We finally arrived home and I could tell that Edward wanted to talk to me. I still wasn't quite ready yet and wanted to sort out my feelings first. He was helping me off with my coat when he finally spoke. "Bella … Really, I am sorr..." he said quietly before I cut him off again. I couldn't let him speak or I would just give in. And I needed time. Please Edward, just go with me on this one for once. "Edward, please. Yes, I know. I do. But not right now. We will talk about it later I promise." He simply nodded while hanging up our coats before heading into his bedroom. I heard his door slam and let out a loud sigh. I had hurt him and I didn't mean to. I moved towards my own room before Jasper's voice stopped me. "Bella…" he said softly. "Jazz, not now please. I just want to take a shower and go to bed and forget about this awful day," my voice was pleading with him to understand. "That's fine, Bells. I just though that you might want to come lay down with me for awhile," he said gently. "Jasper, really not tonight. I am really not in the mood," I replied, my voice awash with irritation. "No Bella, no. No sex, just laying there. You look like you need to be held." Oh. That sounds really nice actually. Yep, it sure does. They have never just held me. Well, they hold me after sex but this is different. "Jazz, that sounds wonderful. Let me grab a shower and I will meet you in bed. Deal?" I asked a smile on my face.

He smiled back and said, "Deal." Turning again, I headed towards my room. I paused at Edward's door, my hand grazing over the wood panel as if I could reach out to him through the door, and heard the muffled sounds of music playing on his stereo. He was brooding. Great. Getting to my room I grabbed some pajamas and laid them out on my bed. I looked at myself one last time in the mirror. How different this night had gone since I had last looked at myself. I had hoped that it would end with some sexy times. But alas, not so much. I went to the bathroom to start the shower. Letting it warm up as I got undressed. Finally after a few mumbled curses I was out of the dreaded thing. After hanging it up I took my hair out of the long braid. The shower was hot enough by the time my hair was free. The water felt so good over my skin and I let out a loud moan. I closed my eyes and stood directly under the hot spray of water. I was so lost in the sensation that I jumped when a hand brushed across my shoulder. I spun around to find Edward in the shower with me. You have got to be fucking kidding me. He has got some balls. "Are you fucking nuts? Do you really think that I would fuck you after earlier?" I practically shouted at him. He backed up a step and held his hand up, palms out in a gesture of surrender. "Bella, no. That is not why I am here. I just want to apologize and explain why I acted the way I did. Please, that is all. Just talking. Nothing else. I swear," he pleaded with me. "Ugh ... fine. But no funny business, Mr. My lady parts are an Edward Free Zone right now. Got it?" I said and half turned my body away from him. "Cool. I got it. No touching allowed. Can I at least wash your hair for you?" he asked while taking a step towards me and hitting me with his crooked smile that was just for me. Damn him and his knowledge of my weaknesses. Don't forget the dazzling part too.

He knew that I loved it when he washed my hair. And I would bet that he was trying to soften me up as well as dazzling me with my smile. And who was I kidding, it worked. I could never refuse him when he smiled my smile. "Yeah … I guess, so get to it and start apologizing," I replied quietly, stepping forward to give him room under the showerhead. I guess I could hear him out. It was the least I could do. Because honestly … I was curious why he had acted the way he did.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. EPOV Okay, so at least she didn't kick me out of the shower. I was still here. That had to count for something. But beyond getting her to hear me out…well, I hadn't thought that far ahead. Bella was stubborn. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle just to get her to let me speak. I had used all of my charm and knowledge about her just to remain in the shower with her. Now what? I stepped closer to her, leaving room between us, and I gently nudged her shoulders to turn her so she was facing me. My hands moved up to her head and tilted it under the spray. Her eyes closed and her mouth fell open slightly at the feeling of the hot water cascading through her hair, a look of pleasure on her face. It wasn't sexual pleasure but a simple one. She was so beautiful, especially right now. Grabbing the strawberry shampoo, I lathered her hair. My dull nails massaged her scalp as I worked the bubbles throughout her long hair. A low purr escaped her lips. Little Eddie started to respond to the sound, the smell of her shampoo and the look of pure bliss on her face. Right now was not a good time for him to make his presence known. I thought of all the unsexy things I could. Baseball. My grandmother. Jasper naked. It worked and he deflated back down.

Okay, first crisis averted. Yep, now open your mouth and talk to her, you idiot. Bella beat me to it. "So Edward, you have the washing my hair part down…what about the apology and explanation?" she said, her eyes opening to look at me with expectation. I bit my lip as I thought of where to start. The beginning seemed the best place but how much to tell her was really the issue. Was now the time to spill all of my secrets? How much could I say before I said too much? How partially honest could I be without being completely honest? I was on the edge of confessing everything. I needed to tread lightly. "I'm sorry for the way I acted tonight, Bella. I really am. My behavior was completely uncalled for," I said, pleading with her to understand. My hands wound through her hair tightly at the scalp trying to convey what I was trying to say through touch. "Why, Edward? I don't understand why. Please tell me?" she asked in a whisper as if the words would break her if she said them any louder. "I was jealous. When you were dancing with that douche I was so jealous I lost it. I took it out on you and that wasn't the right thing for me to do. It wasn't your fault. You were just dancing. It was completely innocent. But to see someone else with you just … I don't know, pissed me off…" I ground out between clenching teeth. My eyes darted around the shower, looking anywhere but at her. I felt myself getting upset all over again. To calm myself down I moved her under the spray of water to rinse the shampoo from her hair. She closed her eyes again, a look of what I knew to be confusion and then deliberation on her face. As if she was taking what I had said and was trying to make sense of it. Almost though she was looking for something deeper in my words. "Okay, I can see that. That you were jealous given our current … agreement. But Edward, I was just dancing. I wasn't going to sleep with him. I wasn't going to do anything with him. When we made this arrangement we said no outsiders. And honestly I wasn't even thinking of doing that with him. I was just dancing. It was innocent. Believe me when I say it was nothing," she stated and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me lightly as if she was trying to shake her words into me. She half turned back towards me and her face was drawn and tight. She really did mean the things she was saying. Bella would never lie to me, I knew that. I trusted her words on this as much as I trusted her on everything else in my life.

I smiled weakly at her so she understood that I believed her. "I know that. That it was innocent … on your part. But on his … it was not innocent. I'm a guy and as I guy I'm telling you that outfit was driving all of my kind to insanity. Regardless of that though, seeing you with someone else … just … just made me crazy. I know it is completely irrational and illogical, but I couldn't help myself." My eyes met hers with a penetrating gaze as I spoke, hoping that she would understand how hurtful it was to see her with someone else. "Please think about how you would feel if some hot girl was grinding her business up against Jasper or me. I am sure you wouldn't like it at all." Please understand. Please. And don't look into my words anymore than that. Please. She nodded her head in understanding. But then her mood shifted as best I could tell. Suddenly her eyes took on a fiery sheen and her entire body tensed up. I knew that look. I'd received it plenty a time before. I was in trouble now. She was mad. Ruh hoh! Her anger didn't completely make sense to me though. I looked back on my previous statement, but I couldn't find anything that would get her so riled up. The corner of her mouth turned down and I braced myself for the flood of words to start. She took a deep breath before letting it explode. "I understand how you feel. I would have been very … ah, upset if I saw you with someone else. But that still doesn't excuse you from dragging me off the dance floor and saying what you did. That, Edward … that hurt a lot. I am already feeling … less than wholesome about this whole thing and when you said that I was fucking him that made me feel like a whore. Then you said that I belonged to you. Like I was your pet or something. And honestly, I almost punched you," she ranted with her hands to her hips, moving her head back and forth as she spoke. I was expecting rage and anger and ire and to be yelled at until the sun rose again in the sky, but this … this I was not expecting. Her words stunned me and my heart broke a little more that she felt that way. That she felt like she was a whore. Even after we had talked about how what we did was a nothing of which to be ashamed. That what we did together was a good thing. How could she still feel that way about herself? You are a complete douchebag. You know that right? Yeah, I know. Now how to make it up to her? I wanted to gather her up in my arms and never let her go until she understood in her heart

of hearts that she was not a whore or slut or anything else even remotely related to those hurtful things. Until it got through her thick skull that there was nothing wrong with what we were doing. It was now my turn to grab her shoulders and shake her lightly. Trying just as she had to get my words across. To make her understand. My eyes pierced hers and I put everything I had into the look I was giving her. "Bella. You. Are. Not. A. Whore … how could you even think that? Really I don't understand how you could feel that way. Jasper and I do not treat you like one. Yes, you are sleeping with the two of us. But … but that does not make you a whore or slut. Not at all. Please believe me when I say you are not. That we don't look at you that way at all. We love you. We love you so very much. We would never want you to feel that way. If that means that we have to stop doing this thing then so be it. But … Bella, what we do is beautiful and special and not just about sex. It is about us being closer and connected to one another. You have to see that. Please tell me you see that?" I was shaking her much harder now. My voice rose, begging for her to get it, to understand. Her eyes were rimmed red as she fought to keep back the tears. She choked back a sob and covered her mouth with her hand. I couldn't stand the look on her face anymore so I grabbed her to me and held on tight. My lips brushed the top of her head as she finally gave up and let her tears loose Violent sobs wracked her body and all I could do was hold her as my heart ached for her pain. I wanted to take her pain away. I wanted to make everything better. Make her see the truth behind my words and how I felt. They were just words though. Words that were extremely hard to get through that thick skull of hers. I knew that my words were something she was going to have to accept on her own schedule. It didn't matter how many times either Jasper or I told her that she was not a whore or that what we did was nothing to be ashamed of. That was a conclusion she had to come to herself. All I could do was hold her and try to offer some comfort as she worked through this terrible weight plaguing her. "Bella baby, why do you feel that way? Like a whore? Was it something we did? I don't understand," I whispered softly into her hair but I knew she could hear me. I had to know why. If maybe it was something that Jasper and I had done to make her feel that way. If that was the case I had to fix my wrong. I wouldn't let her continue to feel as if she was being used. She rubbed her cheek against my chest in response to my question instead of saying anything. I knew she was thinking of how to frame her answer. She was thinking of a way to answer honestly while sparing my feelings in her typically and completely unselfish way. This was her way and always had been.

I decided to give her more time to think so I began to condition her hair. I ran my fingers through her silky locks making sure to get it all as she had taught me. I had done this a lot over the previous weeks and was a pro at it. It was one of my ways of taking care of her. Showing her with my actions instead of with words how I felt about her. It was all I could do until I finally had the courage to say it. Those three little words that would rock my very world. They would have to wait. "Bella…" I finally asked quietly, still waiting for an answer or even a response to my previous statement. She looked up at me with her big doe eyes. Her face was flushed but she was done crying at least. I rejoiced inwardly for this small victory. But she still remained quiet as she backed out of my embrace. Her hands ran down my arms, squeezing my hands with hers. She sighed deeply before beginning. "Edward … I feel that way … umm because … why wouldn't I? I mean, I am sleeping with two men at the same time. That by itself is a pretty slutty thing to do. But … also … sometimes you … and Jasper … umm kind of make me feel like an object. Like something to use for your own jollies. Like I'm a toy for your amusement. "I know you don't mean too, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like one. It seems that all we do anymore is have sex. The sex is amazing … don't get me wrong. But I feel like I have lost us lately. Like we are not as close as before. You said that what we do is to feel connected and closer but honestly I don't feel that way most of the time. That is why I feel like a whore, Edward," she finished, all the while squeezing my hands tightly as if the force of her words could be absorbed through my hands. My stomach sank and my blood stopped cold in my veins. I had made her feel like a whore. I was the one who had done it. I needed to fix this. Right now. I removed my right hand from her grasp and cupped her cheek. Her eyes were glazed over, dewy with tears I knew she was holding in and keeping from me. "Oh Bella, honey. No, no. Please don't feel like that. You are not an object to be used for

our amusement. Please hear me when I say this. You. Are. Special. You. Are. Not. An. Object. You. Are. Not. A. Whore. If we made you feel like that, please believe that it was not on purpose. What can I do to make you not feel this way? Please tell me … I'll do anything." My heart clenched as I pleaded with her. I saw more tears well up in her eyes as she stared at me. I knew she was thinking again. Thinking for the best thing I could do. Because really, I would do anything. I always was willing to do anything for her. She was my everything, my very reason for being and anything she ask for I would give her. "Maybe one thing. You leave after we are done at night. You never stay. I don't like the way that makes me feel," she said releasing my left hand as my right fell from her face. She crossed her arms over her chest in a closed off stance as her expression steeled before me. She wanted me to stay. She wanted me there just as much as I wanted to be there. Maybe she does love me? Could it be possible? I don't really know. Everything was so confusing, so blurry. How could I explain to her that all I wanted to do was stay with her every night? Every night of forever. I said the best thing I could think of without, once again, giving away too much. "I want to stay. I want that so much. I just thought you didn't want me to stay. That if Jasper found us he would be upset. Trust me when I say I want to spend the whole night with you. Probably more than you can imagine," I stated with as much conviction as I could muster. "Really?" Her head fell and she spoke quietly while looking at our feet on the shower floor. "Yes really," I said lifting her head with my hand on her chin. "Okay … I want you to stay from now on." Her eyes sparkled and I thought I caught a glimpse of something … different. But as soon as I saw it, she blinked and it was gone. I simply nodded my head and thought back on the whole conversation thus far. I realized I had one more thing to apologize for. I had slipped up and told her she was mine at the party, that she belonged to me. I had to set that right. Since we were finally talking about things I might as well get as much covered as possible.

Right? "Umm … Bella, about something else that happened earlier at the bar. When I said you belonged to me. I think I need to explain. I know that you don't belong to me or Jazz. But you belong with us. You have to know that. That the three of us belong together. You aren't mine, even though in a way you are. I feel like you will always be mine, be ours. That you should be…" I trailed off, not wanting to continue with my current train of thought. Any further words and everything would come tumbling out. All of it. Once I would begin I know there would be no stopping it. Her eyes shimmered with everything left unsaid and that gave me hope. She raised a hand hesitantly to my face, her thumb lightly caressed my cheek. I leaned into the simple touch as my hand covered hers. "Edward ... what ... what aren't you telling me?" she asked me in low stuttering breath, her eyes never leaving mine as they searched for what I wasn't saying. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Again she said the words in barely a whisper. The words I had been longing to say bubbled up in my chest. Suddenly I realized that I wasn't afraid to say them anymore. That I wanted to say them. I felt myself smile at this new information. I didn't care about the consequences or if she felt the same. I wanted to tell her. Tell her how much I loved her, how I had always loved her. But now was not the right time to declare myself. After all that had happened between us at the party and here in the shower, it just didn't feel right. And I needed it to feel right. I had waited this long; a little longer was not going to hurt me. I pressed my forehead to hers, biting my lip and closing my eyes. Because if I looked at her right now I would tell her. "Edward, what is it?" she murmured and I could feel her breathe on my face. "There's something, but I ... I just ... not right now." My voice was barely above whisper and it sounded strained even to me. "Okay … but soon. Promise?" she asked. "Soon … I promise," I answered and gently kissed the tip of her nose. "Now let's get this stuff out of your hair before we become too waterlogged," I said,

desperately trying to change the subject so she wouldn't press me for more information. "Oh crap. Jasper," she yelled and frantically began rinsing her hair. "What about Jasper?" I asked while trying not to get jealous. "I told Jasper I would come to his room and we have been in here forever. He probably thinks I have drowned or forgotten by now." I looked down at the shower floor so she wouldn't see the hurt in my eyes. Jasper. She was going to Jasper after we had just had a heart to heart of sorts. In my peripheral vision I saw her movements stop. "Edward." I still didn't look up. So she ducked down so our eyes could meet. "Edward, it's not what you think. He asked me if I wanted to lay down with him. Not for sex but because he thought I needed a snuggle," she said as her eyes tried to get me to understand. "Oh … but you needed it because of me. Because I was such a jackass," I said in a small voice like a child. "Yes…but now I think I need to talk to Jasper like we talked. I think it might do us good to talk about things. I know I feel better after talking to you. Don't you feel better?" she prodded. I simply nodded. I felt both better and worse at the same time. "Actually I think we all need to talk. But I need to talk to Jazz first. Okay?" she asked again. I nodded once more. "Edward, come on. Don't look like that. I am not mad at you anymore," she said gently, putting her hand on my cheek again. "Okay." It sounded weak even to my own ears. "Why don't we finish up and then let me go talk to Jazz. Then you can come and we will all

talk together. Give me 45 minutes with him. We will be just talking, I swear. How does that sound?" she asked. Our roles had changed from earlier. She was the one trying to soothe and relieve my fears now. I lifted my head and smiled; it was the least I could do after I had been such a jerk. "Sounds good. Now let's finish up." I relented, moving my hands back to hair. She wanted to talk to Jasper like we had talked. Then all of us together having a conversation about the situation we were in. This was a good thing. It meant that maybe we would get back some of what we had lost lately. Honestly, it hurt to let her go to him. But I knew it was needed. While they were talking I could finalize my plan to tell her I loved her. Now that the fear wasn't there anymore it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I felt lighter than I had in years. Things could only get better from here on out. Or at least I hoped they would.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "She's got a way about her I don't know what it is But I know that I can't live without her She's got a way of pleasin' I don't know what it is But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere"

She's Got a Way - Billy Joel JPOV I was waiting. Waiting for Bella. Waiting for Bella in more than the physical sense. I was waiting for her to … I didn't really know actually. Maybe I was waiting for her to voice whatever was bothering her lately. Or waiting for her to tell me how she really felt about me now. Or waiting for whatever was going on with us to be over. The thought that it could be over depressed me to no end. I knew that it would eventually end one day. It was inevitable. But a part of me couldn't see us going back to the way things were before. The idea that I would have to be without her after having been with her was painful to say the least. Not wanting to think about the end … ever I pushed that thought back deep down inside of me. I knew it was something I would have to deal with eventually. But right now I just wanted to enjoy what was happening. It was still new and the end seemed so far off. There were other thoughts overtaking my mind as I waited for Bella to join me. It had been about thirty minutes and I was beginning to wonder if she had perhaps changed her mind. She had looked so sad when we had left the bar and still looked that way when we arrived home. I knew what Edward had said to her hurt and upset her. I just wanted to take that look off of her face. Take her sadness into myself if I could. So I offered to just hold her. Nothing else. Sure, there were things that I wanted to talk to her about. But they could wait. Wait for the right time … whenever that might be. I still hadn't come to terms with what I thought I might do. Realistically, I knew what I wanted to do. But to actually do it would make me feel like a backstabbing douche. As hard as I tried I could not reconcile the feelings of betrayal with what I wanted with Bella. It was an internal battle I had been having with myself all week. Glancing at the clock on my bedside table, I noticed that it had been 45 minutes since I had left Bella in the living room. What could be keeping her? Edward?

If he did anything to upset her further I am gonna cut his balls off. Whoa there … maybe she is just taking a long time in the shower. Maybe … or maybe Edward did some incredibly dumb ass thing again. I needed to see if she was okay. I was filled with anxiety as I made my way to my bedroom door. Pausing, I wondered why I was anxious. It seemed like an unusual emotion to be feeling in this circumstance. Just as my hand was turning the knob there was a light rap on my bedroom door. I let out the breath I had not realized I had been holding and opened the door. She was here. Finally she was here with me. I opened the door to a vision right out of my dreams. This was way better then some silly costume. This was Bella. My Bella. I wanted to memorize the way she looked and everything else about this moment. Her hair was piled up in a loose messy bun with damp tendrils sticking to her cheek and neck. Smiling a coy, shy smile while biting her lip, she looked innocent and devious at the same time. Her collarbone was exposed through the stretched out neck of the worn and faded mens wifebeater she wore. I thought briefly that she must have stolen it from Edward and a minor pang of jealousy went through me. I could just make out her dusky peaks through the thin cotton covering them. The urge to brush my thumbnail across them and watch them pebble was overwhelming. Not what tonight is about Jasper. Get a hold of yourself man. Hehe, hold of myself … NO, Bad Jazz! Internally shaking my head, my gaze drifted lower over her hips that were dear lord encased in a pair of my boxers. My favorite pair of boxers to be exact that had been missing for about three weeks. Well, that solves that mystery. I just might have to ask for them back now, won't I? Dude…again not tonight. Keep 'The Colonel' in check. "So … umm … can I come in or do I have to stand out here all night?" Bella asked me with obvious humor in her voice that effectively snapped me out of my lust-filled stupor.

"Ah ... yeah, sorry," I replied sheepishly, stepping aside so she could come in. She hopped up unto my bed as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The sight of her there on my bed brought other visions into my head. Visions where we had much less clothing on. Stop it! She was smiling and the change in her mood from earlier surprised me. As I made my way back to the bed, I noticed that her smile didn't quite reach her eyes that were rimmed red and puffy as if she had been crying. I crawled onto the bed with her, sitting up again the headboard while opening my arms for her. She dove at me, wrapping her arms around me and burying her face into my chest. Kissing the top of her head, I breathed her in. It was the same Bella smell but different somehow. Strawberry and sweetness and freesia and Bella and something … minty, something minty that smelled of Edward. Had she been with Edward? Is that what had taken her so long? A feeling of jealousy rose in me and I stomped it back down. Now was not the time to get jealous. Choosing my words carefully I asked, "So what took you so long? I thought you were going to just take a shower." "I did take a shower … but … but I had company," she replied quietly into my t-shirt. I stiffened at her words. Had she really let him have her after the way he acted tonight? Was she looking to get off so bad that she would fuck him after he basically called her a slut? Why would she let him have her after she had told me not tonight? To say that I was confused was an understatement. Anger was probably closer to what I was feeling. Anger at the gall that Edward had to do something like that. As if she could read my thoughts, she sat up while placing her hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at her. "Jazz, not like that, okay? It wasn't like that," she smiled at me again and this time it did reach her eyes. I couldn't help but smile in return. "He was apologizing for the way he acted. Explaining why he was being such a jackass. It wasn't … we didn't…" She trailed off looking down at her lap. I knew there was something that she wasn't telling me. Something that I was going to have to pry out of her. "Bella, what is it? What happened?" I asked gently, brushing her face with my fingertips and tilting her chin up to look at me.

"Nothing major … just … it's just something that I think we all need to talk about … something the three of us need to discuss." "Oh. Um, do you want to get him … so we can … all … talk?" I trailed off then, not really wanting to bring Edward in on our conversation yet. There was still something I needed to ask Bella. In the last minute the warring I had been doing with myself lately didn't matter. The feelings of betrayal and guilt that my actions would cause me were insignificant. My own selfishness and want for the woman in front of me were all that mattered. It didn't matter. Only her and I mattered. She was worth it. Worth whatever would happen. Worth whatever ruin might happen. My heart ached at the thought of an end of my friendship with the two of them. But I had never felt this way about anyone ever. I needed to see it through. I wanted this woman. I wanted her in a way I had never wanted another person. It wasn't sexual … well, not completely sexual. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to take her on dates. I wanted to romance her. I wanted to show her with my actions how much she meant to me. For the first time in my life I wanted to call her something I had never called anyone ever. Girlfriend. I wanted Bella to be my girlfriend. Umm … wow. Girlfriend. Really? Yeah … really. You have never had one of those before. That's a big step. Are you sure you are ready for it? Don't know. But I want it … with her. Bella trying to get my attention brought me out of my thoughts. "Jazz … you in there?" She was waving her hand in front of my face and giggling at the glazed over look that must have been on my face. Chucking, I replied, "Sorry, I'm here. I just got lost in my thoughts for a second. So … what were we talking about before I zoned out on ya?" "About talking … all of us, but not right this minute. I told Edward to come by later so we could all talk. Right now I just want to be held … like you said you would," she said, her eyes sparkling like the sun reflecting off water at sunset.

"Okay then get your skinny ass over here," I laughed. My heart filled with an emotion that I always felt around Bella as she wrapped herself around me again. I didn't think it was love. It didn't feel like all the movies and books made love out to be. It was something more though. Something I wanted more of. "So did you and Eddie get your shit straightened out? Is everything copasetic?" I asked hoping nothing more had happened between them in the shower. I don't think I could handle it right now if anything had. She nodded into my chest. "Did he tell you he was sorry for being a major douchebag?" She looked up at me questioningly. "He told me what he did and said to you. I am sorry, Bella. I really am," I answered her unspoken question while caressing her cheek. "Oh, yeah he did," she answered me in a small voice. It was apparent that she was still upset by what he had done. "Bella, I'm sorry," I told her again. "What do you have to be sorry for, Jazz? You didn't do it." "No … but no one, especially your best friend, should talk to or treat you that way. Ever," I replied trying to keep the venom out of my voice. "Jazz. I don't want to talk about Edward and what he did or didn't do right now, okay?" "Okay," I answered. "So what do you want to talk about?" "I don't know. What do you want to talk about?" she asked. I thought that now was as good of a time as ever to broach the subject of us and whatever was going on with us. Before Edward joined us. Be quick … like ripping off a band-aid. Okay, but this is really fucking big band-aid. "Well … I want to … I want to talk to you about something…" I trailed off not really knowing how to go about asking her. I had never done this before and I felt like a teenager asking my crush if she wanted to go steady with me.

"Jasper, you know you can talk to me about anything right?" she asked caressing my cheek. I nodded, still quietly thinking of the best way to go about this. First maybe I should ask her if she felt something for me too. Before I made a fool of myself if she didn't feel the same way. A pang of guilt flashed through me as I thought that I was betraying Edward. He was in love with her. Or I thought he was in love with her. He never said it outright or even alluded to it. Was it wrong of me to want something with her knowing how he felt? But if he did love her why had he not acted on it? Why had he let us make the arrangement? I couldn't answers those questions right now. But … but maybe I had been wrong about Edward's feelings for her. Not like I was going to ask him though. Stop thinking about Edward. Think about Bella and what you are about to do. Bella … right. Okay, here goes nothing. "Bella … I umm … I think that … no, I know that there is something here between us. Something more than friendship. Do you know what I mean?" I asked not looking at her. I couldn't be looking at her if she said no. She lowered herself back onto my chest as if she couldn't look at me either when she said what she was going to say. "Yes, I feel it too … the something," she answered in barely more than a whisper. I released the breath that I had been holding and dove right on in. "I don't know what it is, but I know that I haven't felt it … this for anyone else … ever. It is kinda scary, but wonderful at the same time." "I know, Jazz. It is scary to feel that about someone that … that you have known forever and to feel it so suddenly. But don't you think that maybe it might just be lust your feeling? You weren't feeling this, whatever it is, before we started sleeping together were you?" It would be a lie if I said that her words didn't hurt me. Because they did. But I saw the point she was trying to make. "Bells … I ah … I see what you are saying. But before … we were … you know … I umm … never allowed myself to see you … ah, that way." Why was I sounding like a scared little boy all of a sudden? My hesitation and stuttering was starting to annoy me. Bella didn't respond so I kept on talking. "Bella, after that first night I knew it was okay to let myself think of you in that way. In a non-'she is just my best friend' way. After dropping

that … uh, barrier I started to feel things. What I feel for you now grew from that. It has been growing since that night. It is not about lust or sex; I mean that is part of it. But I feel more … more like … infatuation may be the closest I came to labeling it. But that is a pale comparison to the actual feeling. I feel connected to you in a way that we were not connected before. It's more than friendship. I don't know if it is love. I mean … I love you … you are my Bella … but I don't think that I am in love with you … yet. But the way I feel about you now … I ah … can see it growing into that maybe one day." She didn't say anything for a few minutes. Dread filled me that I may have said too much too soon. That I may have ruined it all. What was she thinking? I had to know. Then say something stupid! "Bella, say something. Please," I whispered into her hair. "Jasper … I umm … I feel something similar … ah, maybe not as strong as what you feel though. But I do feel it. It's just a lot to take in, ya know?" she replied into my chest quietly. "I do know, Bells. Trust me, I know. I have been wrestling with this for weeks now. Whether I should say anything to you or not. Are you okay that I told you?" I asked, my voice filled with what sounded to me like hesitation. "Yeah … I'm okay. I don't ever want you to not tell me something because you think it might upset me," she said, her voice sounding stronger than before "So, what do you want to about it … this … these feelings that we have?" Yes, she walked right into where I wanted her too. "Well, okay … I have never done this before so I don't know if I am doing it right but…" I pulled her off of me so I could look at her when I asked her this. "Bella, would you do me the honor and pleasure of going on a date with me?" I asked looking right into her eyes. Shock crossed her face. Whether because I had asked her on a date or that I, Jasper "Man-Whore Extraordinaire" Whitlock wanted to actually date someone I didn't know. Other emotions crossed her face quickly. Too quick for me to catch them all. She was processing my request. I had an idea how her mind worked from knowing her for so long. I knew she was working it out in her head. Thinking over all sides of the situation. Running through scenario after scenario. Knowing it was better just to let her think I didn't say or press her for an answer. After what seemed like an eternity her eyes meet mine and she smiled. It lit up her whole face and definitely reached her eyes this time. Moving to straddle my lap, she wound her arms around my neck pulling me closer to her. Brushing her lips against mine in a feather light caress, she said against my mouth, "Jasper,

I would love to go on a date with you. But Jazz, do you think that you can actually go on a date? I mean the world might implode from the sudden change in your wicked ways." She said the last part with a smile and a glint of mischievousness in her voice and eyes. "Funny Bells, real funny. And as a matter of fact I do not think that the world will implode if I go out on a date. I know it is shocking to think that I may no longer be a skanky manwhore. But a good woman will do that to a man. Make him want to change for the better. But really I want to change. I don't want to be that man anymore. I want to be better. Be the kind of man worthy of you. Worthy of your time and affection. I know it's cliché, but … you make me want to be a better man," my little speech had started out light but ended with me confessing what I wasn't quite ready to tell her yet. She pulled her head away from me, covering her mouth with her hand. I saw the tears forming at the edges of her eyes. Fuck … I said too much. I scared her, dammit. "Bella, don't cry. Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I said too much. Just forget what I said. Please?" I pleaded with her as I rubbed away the tears that were now falling. "No, Jasper. I will not just forget what you said," she answered me as she placed kisses all over my face after each word. "That was the most … the sweetest, the loveliest … the most romantic … the best thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever. You have no idea what your words mean to me. How much … they mean to me." Well, fuckety duckety. I guess my verbal diarrhea was a good thing. Smiling at her now, I brought my hand to cup the back of her head pulling her closer. I was going to kiss her now. I was going to put everything I had been holding back into this kiss. And it was going to be killer I could already tell. Our lips touched briefly. I backed away peppering her lips with slow soft light kisses. My tongue brushed against her lips wanting to deepen the kiss, and the slow low burn I always felt when we touched intimately started. Except this time I could feel that the burn was hotter. On the cusp of bursting into flames. No longer merely embers. Her tongue brushed against mine as she parted her lips for me. The lick of flames ignited when our tongues touched. It was unlike anything I had ever felt. This was new … really new and it was consuming me body and soul. This fire that only she could light in me.

I crushed my lips to hers with a frenzy I never had before. I wanted to consume her as her fire consumed me. Our tongues battled for dominance. I never wanted to stop kissing her if it was going to be like this. Her hands wound into my hair and she pressed her body into mine. So close no room for … anything between us. My hands tangled in her hair, fisting it as if she would disappear if I let go. This whole thing … feeling was new. New and scary and wonderful and sexy and terrifying and heartfelt and perfection and I felt like I was home. Like I was home after a long journey. It was too much, too intense, too all consuming and I reluctantly pulled away from her addictive kiss. We stared into each others' eyes both trying to catch our breath, trying to settle our erractic heartbeat. She felt it too. The difference. The fire. I could see it in her eyes. "Umm … wow," were the only words I could get out. "Ah yeah. Wow," she replied a slight smirk on her face. I pressed our foreheads together as her hands loosened their grip on my head. "I think that we should … maybe not do that again … not with Edward coming soon," she whispered, her sweet breath fanning across my face. Fuck … Edward. I had forgotten about Edward. Understandably I had forgotten about Edward with the kiss that just happened between us. "Umm, Bella … lets not tell Edward about the whole date thing, okay?" I asked her as the guilt crept back into my heart. "Yeah … ah, let's not. That would be awkward to say the least. But how are we going to do it? The date thing?" she asked me genuine concern in her voice. "Let me handle that okay. I have a few ideas," I reassured her. She slid down my body into her previous position from earlier. Sighing a huge sigh as she situated herself. Getting lost in her thoughts. So we sat there on my bed. Her arms wrapped around my waist, her head resting over my heart. My fingertips slowly moving up and down her spine in a whisper of a caress. No words passed between us. None were needed. We had said what needed to be said.

Talked about what need to be talked about. The silence was comforting and it enveloped us both in a feeling of happiness and contentment. There was no Edward right now. Just us. Just the two of us. I liked … no, loved moments like these. The togetherness of her and I. The rightness of it. But I wished for more. More from her. More of her. More than just friendship. Hopefully she would grant me my wish … soon. We had laid the foundations tonight. I just hoped it wouldn't take to long for the rest to be built. A light knock on my door brought us out of our silent thoughts. Edward opened the door poking his head around. As if to make sure it was okay for him to enter. We both smiled at him causing him to smile in return. Bounding into the room and onto the bed he enveloped us both in a big bear like hug. Squeezing us both. "Edward, can't breath," Bella groaned out. Backing off he smiled sheepishly and said "sorry" in a small voice like that of a child that had just been scolded. He plopped down on Bella's other side resting his head on her back. When she didn't flinch but sighed I knew that they had in fact worked things out between them. Bella sat up pushing Edward gently off of her and sitting up against my headboard in a posture identical to mine. Edward scooted down putting his mouth against the side of her shoulder his nose resting on the top of her shoulder. Curiosity filled his eyes as if questioning what had happened between us in his absence. Lying down on my back, I put my head in Bella's lap. Her hand immediately went to my hair running her small fingers lightly through it. Edward whispered something to Bella too low for me to catch. She blushed slightly and shook her head 'no.' He lifted his head a bit to look down at me. There was seriousness in his eyes. Like he was trying to warn me that an important moment was about to happen. "So, I apologized to Bells for being a jackass … but … but she told me something that concerns me," he spoke solemnly. My eyes left Edward's for Bella's. She closed hers immediately as a look of anger and then

resignation crossed her face. "Bells?" I asked. She didn't open her eyes or answer me. I looked to Edward for some clue as to what she had said to him. "Well, she told me that the way I treated her made her feel like a whore and that she feels that way about what we do together. That the whole arrangement makes her feel 'less than wholesome' as she put it," he said in a clear crisp voice with no emotion behind it. As if he was trying to keep from yelling. I sat up slightly to look at her better. "Bella, do you really feel that way. Even after what we told you at the party?" I asked in disbelief. Did Edward and I make her feel that way … or was it her own issues that made her feel like that? I don't know, but I need to find out. She opened her eyes and glared at Edward venomously. Not looking away from him, she answered me. "Yes, Jasper, I do feel that way … sometimes. It is only natural to feel like that doing what we do," she paused looking at me now. The venom leaving her eyes a bit. "But also I feel like we have lost us lately too. As I told Edward it feels as if all we ever do anymore is fuck. I miss us. I miss our friendship. Again like I told Edward sometimes I feel like an object to be used by you two for your own pleasure. Not like a person," she finished and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. I looked at Edward again with a look that asked "Does she really feel like that? Do we really make her feel like that?" disbelieving what she just told me. He nodded yes and looked at me as if to say "WTF? I know right." "Bella … if I … or we made you feel that way it was not on purpose. You have to know that we do NOT think of you like that. Don't you?" I said pleadingly to her. "I told her almost the same exact thing. But I think she needed to hear it from you too," Edward told me, his posture stiff. "And like I told him I know that but that doesn't change the fact that I feel that way sometimes," she spat back at both of us.

"Do you want to stop? Stop doing what we do," I asked the question I didn't think I would have to ask so soon. Her eyes softened and she cupped both of our cheeks with her hands. A look of love and affection was on her face. Looking between the two of us, she said "No, I don't want to stop. Maybe not go at it as much as we do now. But definitely not stop. I want us to spend more time together like we used to. I want us back. Do you understand?" Looking at Edward again, we silently agreed to each back off a bit. I knew that they had already had this conversation but I felt the need to put in my two cents. "Bella yeah, I get it. I understand. We will ease up a bit with the sex. But know like I said earlier what we do together is special and precious and wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But if you feel this way … like a whore," I said the last word with disgust. "I would stop in a second. Nothing means more to me than you. You and Edward. You two are my world and if you are not happy then I am not happy." "Me too, Bella. I feel the same way Jasper does. The way you feel about yourself is more important then any sex that we have," Edward said to her as he wrapped his arms around her bringing her to his chest while I ran my hand up and down her leg in a comforting touch. "It's not really something that you two make me feel … well, sometimes you do, but it is more something that I make me feel. You two do make me feel cherished and loved but like I said sometimes it seems like the getting off is more important to you," Bella said as she looked into my eyes. There was uncertainty and shame in her voice and eyes. Her look went right to my heart. Stabbing it that I had ever made her feel that way. I vowed to myself that from now on she would never feel that way about me or him or us again. I looked at Edward silently communicating my last thought and I saw the same thing in his look. We nodded imperceptibly to each other in agreement. "Bella, I swear from now on I will do everything in my power to keep you from feeling that way ever again. And yes, I too feel like we have lost some of us. I think that we should spend more time together like we used too," I told her with conviction flooding my voice. Edward nodded in agreement to my statement. Bella sat up and moved to where she was facing us both. Grabbing a hand each, she squeezed our hands letting us know that everything would be alright. "That's all I ask really. More us time. That is all I want," she smiled at us both and hugged us. I thought back to my earlier declaration and question to her. Not believing that she had said

yes while feeling like a whore. Bella must have some serious issues going on with her to agree to a date with me. I would get to the bottom of it. I would figure it out. For her and myself. For the sake of our friendship and possible relationship. A kiss on my lips brought me out of my thoughts. She pressed her lips against mine more forcefully. The burn was back. No sign of the previous inferno in sight. I missed it. She pulled away from me just as I was about to deepen the kiss and proceeded to kiss Edward as she had kissed me. When she pulled away from him she sat back with a playful glint in her eyes. "I know I just said that I wanted more us time. More us time without all the sex. But…" she trailed off blushing as she looked down at her lap. "What, Bella?" Edward asked. Looking up she was still blushing but the playful glint was still there. "Well … I wouldn't be opposed to maybe … ya know…" she trailed off again but we both got the gist of what she was trying to say. Well, I guess I will be able to steal those boxers back after all. "I would not be opposed to that either," Edward said while trying to not laugh. "Me either," I said also trying to keep my laughter at bay. Bella giggled and then if it was possible blushed even more. More than what I ever thought possible for a person to blush. I was sure that her cheeks were on the verge of bursting into flames. I was extremely curious as to why she was blushing so furiously. What is the little minx up to? Hesitantly she said, "That is good cause … cause I think … I think I want … want to try something … ah, new." I looked at Edward and he shrugged his shoulders. He was just as clueless to her plan as I was. "Something new?" I asked. "Yeah, something that we definitely have not done before," she answered looking like the cat that ate the canary.

Something inside of me told me this would be very interesting.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. Previously… "Something new?" Jasper asked. "Yeah, something that we definitely have not done before," I answered looking like the cat that ate the canary. "So what did you have in mind, Bells?" Edward asked me, curiosity flickering in his eyes. I felt my cheeks flame even hotter. My face must have been as dark as a red delicious apple by now. This was way more embarrassing than the whole condom shopping incident. Infinitely more embarrassing. Could I really say it? I thought it and wanted to try it out but I didn't know if I could actually say the words to the two of them. You are an idiot! Just Fucking Say It so we can get to the sexing already. "Well … I ah … wanted to … umm maybe … try … err …" I trailed off as I could not make the words 'dual' and 'penetration' leave my mouth. They just would not come out. God, why did I ever think this was a good idea. If I can't say it then I should not be allowed to do it. It's like an unwritten sex law or something. I mean come on, they had fucked me or had sex with me in almost every position and manner possible. On my back and against a wall and in the shower, a personal favorite, and on my knees and in a chair and from behind and standing up and over the shoulders and on a bed and me on top and on the floor and on the couch and over the back of the couch, did that just a few hours ago, and in the gazebo and tied up and tied down and on my swing in the backyard, hmm … that was a fun one, and on the table with syrup and pancakes no less. But no … I could not say that I wanted them to fuck me at the same time. The idea that had crossed my mind when we were dancing at the Halloween party. It was so intimate and hot and sensual. They were both so close to me. I wondered what it would be like if we all were

naked. Maybe that was the way to go about this. Tell them how I got the idea and then tell them the idea. Maybe they will catch on before I actually had to say it. Umm … unwritten sex law remember? Crap! You're right. I guess I'm gonna have to suck it up and deal. "So do you two remember when we were dancing tonight? All of us together to that … ah, Leann Rimes song … umm Tic Toc," I asked them. Glimmers of recognition passed over their faces as small, sly grins appeared. So they do remember … this may be easier than I thought. "So when we were dancing to that song … err it … was umm … hot … and honestly I wanted nothing more than for us to … ah be alone … so we could … ya know," I finally got out. Both snickered at my stuttering with stupid smiles on there faces. They were laughing at me, again. I wondered if it would just be easier in the long run to get dildos in the shape and size of each of them and write their names on the sides with little smiley faces then to have to deal with their childish antics. They both tended to revert to twelve year old boy mode when we talked about sex. "Okay stop, you two, right now or I will go to bed … alone!" I yelled at them as I hit them both with a pillow. In retaliation they pinned me down and started to tickle me until I couldn't breathe and cried uncle. After I caught my breath and wiped the tears off my face, I tried to get back to my idea. The tickle torture had cleaned the tension and suspense that I hadn't realized had settled in the room. I was for once thankful of their childish antics. I felt lighter and ready to get on with telling them my idea. "So okay, as we were dancing I thought about what it would be like if we were naked and that close together. And that thought led me to think about what it would be like to have both of you in me at once. And I don't mean my mouth. So … would you want to … er … do something like that?" I said hurriedly the whole time looking down at my lap. When I didn't get a verbal response I looked up at the two of them. The look on their faces when I was done with my proposal of sorts was classic. It was a

mixture of shock and lust and disbelief and curiosity and flat out eagerness. What have I gotten myself into? I don't know, but you are in it now? Jasper was the first to snap out of it. Blushing, he asked, "So … ah … who would go where?" It was my turn to blush again. I looked down again at my hands resting in my lap and replied, "Umm … I think I would want ah Edward to be … ya know." Looking up at Edward now, I saw that his jaw hung open then closed quickly as a smirk crossed his face. "Really?" he asked me smugly. "Yes … really," I replied my cheeks on fire. I had a few reasons for wanting Edward there. The first being that I had feelings for him, strong feelings, it just felt like he should be the first 'to go where no man has gone before' so to speak. Secondly he didn't have as much … girth as Jasper and from a comfort stand point that was a good thing. "So … ah how did you … umm want to do this?" Jasper asked. Ugh, why do I have to make all the decisions? Umm … cause it was your idea. Right, but still… "As far as … umm logistics go I … er think that … you should be on the bottom and … ah me on top of you … and Edward ah … you get the idea, right?" They both nodded but made no move towards me. As if they were waiting for me to make the first move. Their nervousness was sweet and made me smile. "Ahh … one more thing before we … er begin. We … or I need some sort of … umm ya know," I was blushing redder than I have ever blushed now, never having thought I would be having a conversation like this with Jasper and Edward of all people ever in my life. But at my words a flash of recognition passed over Jasper's face and he crawled over to his bedside table opening a drawer. He pulled out a small bottle marked "KY Touch Liquid."

Edward and I both stared at him, our identical looks asking without words what he was doing with that particular product. He simply shrugged as if to say "what." The tension was back in the room now. Our times together were supposed to be spontaneous and this felt a little too forced. It was uncomfortable and something needed to be done before we could begin. So I did the only thing I could think off. I laughed. I laughed so hard I was clutching my sides and tears were spilling down my cheeks. They guys stared at me like I was nuts and honestly, I probably was. But the whole situation was kinda ridiculous. I mean, come on. This was Jasper and Edward. My guys. We had done almost everything together. Even sex. Sex in multiples. So the thought that they were nervous and edgy because I had suggested this particular taboo thing was laughable. I was reminded of the time that we snuck into Jasper's dad's study to get to the good liquor. We were 14 at the time and wanted to know what scotch tasted like. We snuck in like we were James Bond or something. But in the end we made a ton of noise. It happened to be a time that Jasper's dad was actually home. Needless to say we got caught just as we were about to taste the amber liquid. Jasper's dad called mine and Edwards' parents. The Chief was not pleased at all and I ended up grounded for a month. I hadn't even gotten to drink the stuff. Edwards's parents were more lenient and actually sat him down with a fifth of Johnny Walker Blue. He drank about half of it and proceeded to puke for 6 hours straight. He never touched scotch again. And still to this day has an aversion to the drink. Kinda like me and the dreaded Jagermeister. Jasper on the other hand did not get off so easy. Edward and I were banned from his house for 2 months and Jasper was on lockdown. His father, a Navy Captain, was a very strict rigid man. I think that is why Jasper is always so laid back. As my laughter died down I told them about the memory and they laughed at it too. This in turn kicked up my laughter again. We had a million memories like this. Doing stupid stuff … getting caught most of the time. These memories are what made us … us. It reminded me of why I loved them so. All of us were very different from one another. Having different outlooks on life and temperaments, but we just seemed to fit. Fit together. Like we were three parts of a whole.

The laughter died down. The tension was gone but it had been replaced with the crackling electric charge of anticipation. My skin practically hummed with it. Our pheromones must have been in overdrive. My nipples hardened and the heat pooled between my thighs. I felt the hair on my neck stand up waiting for what was about to happen. I was strung tight wanting a release. Wanting what was about to take place to start. My hands went to the messy bun on the top of my head to let my hair down. As I was working the elastic band out I took in the two men before me. My own personal sex gods. They both were beyond gorgeous. Perfect … well, perfect to me. It was their imperfections I liked best. How all of Jasper's toes were longer than his big toe. And I always thought Edward's sideburns were a bit too long. But those little things were what made them perfect. Their eyes were on me as my hands went to the hem of my wifebeater. I grasped the bottom to pull it off but Jasper's hands stopped me. "Let me," he whispered into the crook of my neck. He slowly raised the fabric his fingers brushing my sides on the journey up, leaving me a quivering mess from the barely-there touches. Brushing my hair behind my shoulder, he kissed up and down my neck. Nipping and licking at my skin just the way he knew I liked. My head fell back as I surrendered myself over to the feelings coursing through me. Edward came up to me now on his knees. Cupping the side of my face with his hand and kissing me softly and chastely. I think he was trying to assure me that yes, he wanted to do this but that I was more important then the moment. I think I just fell more in love with him … if that is possible. The hand on my face journeyed down my body between the valley of my breasts. His fingertips were making feather light contact with my stomach along the waistband of the boxers I was wearing. He ran a finger under the elastic from hipbone to hipbone all the while giving me sweet kisses at the corner of my mouth. Suddenly his hands yanked down the fabric at my hips as his lips attacked mine. As if someone had flipped the switch on his control. I opened for him willingly while lifting my hips so he could get the boxers down my legs.

My hands that had been hanging limply at my side grabbed fistfuls of his shirt forcing it roughly over his head. Once the offending garment was off I attacked his neck and chest with my mouth. I left hot open-mouthed kisses and bites in my wake. Tugging at the top of his flannel pajamas pants because I wanted the thing off. I wanted him naked. Pushing me away he discarded the article of clothing leaving him as naked as me. We both had gone commando. Turning away from Edward, I focused on getting Jasper naked. Our mouths crashed together as if our lifeline was the touch of our lips against each other's. Quickly his clothing was thrown off as well and I tackled him to the bed. The weight of my body sinking into his warmth. I lay over him, his cock pressing into my thigh. He was fully erect. I bit hard at his jaw trying to relieve some of the built up lust I was feeling. I was burning up with it. He pushed on my shoulders wanting me sit up. I complied, rising up to straddle his hips my lower lips resting along his length. The feeling of him so intimately situated without us actually being intimate was a favorite of mine. I rocked my hips a bit trying to create friction. Jasper grabbed my hips to still my motions and grunted, "Tease." "I am only a tease if I have no intention of following through. And I fully intend to follow through with this," I leaned over him again and whispered against his lips. He sat up on his elbows as I piled all the pillows behind so he was lying at a forty five degree angle. I went back to kissing him, vaguely aware of Edward's body heat near my back. Honestly I was not trying to think about what was going where very soon or I might chicken out. So when Edward kissed me between my shoulder blades I jumped and squeaked in shock. Edward placed his hands on my shoulders, gently caressing down my back. I arched into his touch. It was so sweet and full of fire and caring and made my brain fuzzy. Upon reaching my ass he ran his fingers along the crevice while leaning on my back and whispered into my ear, "Bella … are you sure … you want to do this?" I was touched by his concern for me. Releasing Jasper's lips from our passionate kiss, I leaned back into Edward. My back was flush to his chest. Turning my head to the side, I

kissed what I could reach which happened to be his temple. "Yes, I'm sure," I whispered back and nipped at his earlobe. As I was whispering to Edward, Jasper ran a hand down my front. It came to rest at the juncture of my thighs. He ran the back of his thumbnail across my clit. A shuddering sensation ran through my body and I let loose a low moan as Jasper circled my clit with the edge of his thumbnail. It was pain and pleasure all rolled into one. He then dipped two fingers into me, massaging my inner walls with his fingertips as his lips captured a nipple in between them. His thumbnail and tongue flicking in unison. I was so concentrated on what Jasper was doing that I flinched when Edward slipped the tip of a slick finger into my other entrance. "Easy there, Bella," he whispered into my ear. I nodded, trying to relax at this new foreign invasion. The sensation of his probing finger was not altogether unpleasant. It was different but enjoyable. I relaxed even more when he started to kiss over my shoulder blades. My mind couldn't seem to focus on anything. There was too much being done to me. Jasper's mouth and fingers and Edward's mouth and finger seemed to be working together to bring me to new heights. My eyes closed and hands gripped the comforter as Jasper intensified his ministrations. Edward added another finger, stretching me so he would fit. I knew it was cliché to say my body was on fire. But that is what was … on fire. My veins pulsed with heat and flames licked under my skin. It was a fire of passion and love and lust and happiness and completeness. I felt it every time I was with them this way. The feeling of being equally filled was … new and euphoric. I didn't think it would feel quite like this. I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I was. Edward twisted his fingers as Jasper pressed into the sweet spot inside of me. It sent me silently spiraling into the nothingness where there was only the high of the orgasm. I couldn't breath. Couldn't speak. Couldn't do anything but fall into it. No words could properly describe what I was feeling. The euphoria of cumming. It was all that I was at that moment. The pleasure and the fire and the lightening of it. As I was falling back to earth I felt Edward withdraw his fingers from me. The emptiness I felt was immediate. But the new sensation of him pressed against my entrance quickly replaced it.

He pushed into me slowly as the last of my spasms were dying out. As he pressed into me I felt a painful tightness that caused me to instantly tense up my now loose muscles. "Bella, you have to relax, please," he whispered into my neck. I groaned and did what he told me. He was still as I adjusted to the new invasion. Finally I pushed back against him, fully sheathing him within me. He rested his forehead on my shoulder as a low "fuck" escaped his lips. Grabbing my hips he slowly pumped in and out of me in a steady rhythm. His hipbones lightly grazed my ass with each thrust. This feeling was … surprisingly beyond pleasurable. I was so focused on where Edward and I were connected I forgot that Jasper was there for a second until he shifted his hips underneath me. Opening my eyes, I looked down and saw that Jasper had put a condom on. He was positioning himself at my entrance. "Edward, stop for a second," Jasper said to Edward, his voice tight with need. Edward stopped his thrusts, fully buried within my depths. Jasper clutched at my hips below Edward's hand, lifting me up over him. Slowly he slid me down upon him to where I was fully seated. We all moaned "fuck" at the same time. This connection between us was all consuming. To be fully filled by both of them so intimately was … was exhilarating. This is what I thought it would be like when we were on the dance floor. But it was so very much more than that too. I was already on the brink of cumming again. Ever so slowly I moved my hips up Jasper's length. Holding my position, I nodded for them to continue. They found an easy, steady, alternating rhythm that worked for awhile but I needed … more. My release was imminent but I wanted to prolong this experience for as long as possible. We were mostly silent. Low moans, heavy breathing and skin sliding against skin were the only sounds in the room. There was nothing that needed to be said. We were too lost in what we were doing, so to speak. I opened my eyes to see Jasper's face clenched, his brow furrowed like he was in pain. I ran my fingers along his forehead to iron out the creases there. He looked into my eyes smiling. I knew that the face was one of pleasure not pain. Leaning

forward, I placed a light kiss to brow. He squeezed my hips in return, letting me know that my touch was appreciated. My hand went back to cup Edward's head, scratching lightly at his scalp. He responded by lightly nipping on my shoulder. This is what we had been missing. The gentle caresses. The loving touches. The tender affection. This moment … this experience was about us connecting. Not about the sex or the forbidden act we were doing. Tears escaped from under my eyelids at the emotion I was feeling. I was overwhelmed with the love I felt for them both. The friendly love I shared with both. The new affections and stirrings of romantic love I was now feeling for Jasper. And the all powerful consuming love that I had for Edward. Sobs escaped my lips. The guys paused when they heard me. I shook my head, whispering "happy tears," as I moved my hips to get them to continue. "I feel it too," Edward whispered into the back of my neck as he kissed it. Jasper's hand left my hip to cup my cheek. Kissing my forehead this time, he said, "Me too." They started moving again but at a faster, rougher pace. The sweetness of the previous moment still there but the fire grew tenfold. It grew and grew within me as I climbed toward my peak. They had brought me to the edge again after several minutes. But I wanted to fall off with them this time. "So close … please … I need you both … to go with me," I stuttered out. They increased their efforts and I felt them brush against one another inside of me. It was truly an amazing feeling. It pushed me even higher. "Fuck," came from Jasper's mouth as he felt Edward against him only separated by a thin barrier. I guessed they enjoyed the sensation as much as I did because they coordinated their thrust to a matched, fast rhythm. And then suddenly I was there. Falling into the abyss again. My body quivered and clenched around them, dragging them over with me. This was like no other orgasm I ever had. As if I was floating instead of the frenzied fall. Intense yet soft and sweet at the same time. It was glorious and all consuming. I swam

around in the feeling and let it drag me under. When I finally resurfaced I was panting, my heart beat fluttering. I sat up slightly, bringing Jasper up with me. Wrapping one arm around him, I pressed him to me. My other arm went to wrap around Edward the best I could. They understood what I was trying to do and hugged me back. Each of our arms around the other. An equal embrace. This was about us. Not me and Edward or me and Jasper. But us. Bella, Jasper and Edward. Together. "Thank you," escaped my lips. It was too simple of a phrase for what I was feeling but it would have to do. "No, thank you," Edward said. Jasper repeating after him. They both pulled out of me gently. The feeling of loss was again immediate. They left the bed for the bathroom, probably going clean up. I felt so very alone in that minute that they were gone. But soon enough they were back, one on either side of me. And the feeling of loneliness was gone. Edward was on his side facing me, his hand running up and down my spine. My leg was sandwiched between his thighs as I lay on my stomach. My face was turned toward Jasper who was laying on his back, an arm behind his head and the other under my neck. My arm flung across his chest. It was comfortable. A feeling of contentment and love and sleepiness swept over us. But before I succumbed there was one more thing left to do. "Hey, Jazz," I mumbled. "Hmm," was all I got in reply. "Love you," I said quietly. "Love you too, Bells," he chuckled back. "Hey, Edward," I said turning my face towards his. "Love you too, Isabella," he smiled at me.

"You too, Jazz," he said lifting his head lightly directing his comment at Jasper. "Love ya, man," Jasper grunted out. "Edward …" I said in barely a whisper. "Yeah," he replied looking deep into my eyes. "Love you," I replied even softer than before, closing my eyes so the emotion behind my words couldn't be seen. One day I would tell him. Tell him with my eyes open so there could be no misunderstanding to the meaning behind them. But right now I … I just couldn't do it. Not yet at least.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "Dawning of a new era Calling...don't let it catch you falling Ready or not at all So close enough to taste it Almost...I can embrace this Feeling....on the tip of my tongue" Waiting-Green Day The water cascaded over me as I was in the shower getting ready for my date with Jasper tonight. It had been a week since Halloween when we had fought and made up and really talked and … well. I blushed as I remembered the sex we had that night. It was an … experience to say the least. Something that I thought I would never ever do. But more than the position we tried, it was the connection I felt during the act that had stuck with me. It felt as if I had reconnected with them through the intimate connection that I had with my guys. The talk with each of them and the sex had been a catalyst for change. And what a change it was, babe.

I know … it's been like a 180 degree turnaround. Things were better between us now. We weren't going at it like rabbits. I mean we were still having sex but we spent actual clothed time together this past week. Just talking and cooking dinner and watching TV and little everyday things that we used to do all the time. We even ventured out again to shoot pool at Jasper's bar. They were on their best behaviors and there wasn't a repeat of the Halloween party. It was nice. I felt like I had my guys back. Also they were more affectionate with me. But not in a sexual way; more in an 'I love you' way. As if they were trying to reassure me that the three of us were okay. Trying to convince me that what we did together was special and a good thing. Lately I had been doing some thinking on what they had said to me about my feeling like a slut or whore. I realized that I had been sending out mixed signals to them. Telling them not to be so affectionate in public then grinding on them on the dance floor. Saying that I felt whorish because all we ever did anymore was fuck and that I was doing it with two guys. Then I suggested they both fuck me at the same time. I would have been confused if I were them. But they weren't. I guess they got it even if I didn't. I had suggested the sex we had Halloween night as kind of a way to reassure them and myself that I was okay with what we were doing. That yes sometimes I felt like a whore but I was okay with what we did. After talking to them that night they both assured me that they did not think of me that way and that I had no reason to feel that way. At times I looked back on the times we had together. I came to the conclusion that besides a few instances since making the arrangement, they had treated me with respect and not like an object. It was I who made myself feel like an object with my insecurities, not them. So it was all on me. This feeling of being a whore. But I was working on it. I still felt that way but it was not looming over me as it was before. Since Halloween night we had only one other group … encounter … session. I still didn't know what to call it when we were all together. Edward had only crawled into bed with me twice and stayed the entire night each time afterwards. But it was odd. We would fall asleep close but not touching and wake up wrapped around each other. We still showered together every morning but besides some chaste kisses the tiles had not seen any action.

Jasper and I had only been together once. He said that he wanted it to be special the next time we were together. I joked that he was just hoping to get lucky after our date. He just chuckled and said "well." Which brings me right back to my preparations for my evening. My date with Jasper. Finishing up in the shower, I got out and dried off quickly. I went about blow drying my hair while thinking about what we would be doing tonight. Jasper hadn't told me what he had planned, just that I needed to dress warmly, comfortably and casually. I had agreed to a date with Jasper for a couple of reasons. One was he had been so sincere and earnest with me and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying no. Another one was that yes, there was something there now between Jasper and I. It wasn't like what I felt for Edward. But it was something, something genuine. It deserved chance to be explored. Jasper was willing to take the risk and so would I. The other one, the big one was a selfish reason of mine. I wanted to feel loved and wanted. I knew that they wanted me physically. But no one had ever told me they wanted my heart. Wanted me for me. Wanted to be with me in that way. So I had accepted to his request. What could it hurt? A part of me felt like I was cheating on Edward and using Jasper though. But the need to feel loved in that way was too big to be ignored. I loved Edward completely. Loved the way his mind worked. The way he was so passionate about things, especially his music. Loved how he viewed the world. Loved the compassion he possessed. Those were just some of the things. Realistically, there were many, many more. By agreeing to go on a date with Jasper though I felt like I was giving up on the dream that was Edward. I had loved him for so long that the possibility of us being together was beginning to feel like a little girl's fantasy. If it hadn't happened yet, I was not sure it ever would. Giving up on him was the hardest thing I had ever done. I still hadn't completely let go though. A secret part of my heart hoped that he returned my love. But if he did love me his inability to tell me had me concerned. Geesh, Bella … hello … pot … kettle … black. I know I should just tell him. But I don't think my heart would survive if he doesn't love me. So lost in my musings I was that I hadn't realized that I had gotten dressed and was ready for my date.

Jasper and I had decided to not tell Edward about our date. We weren't going to lie per say. But it still felt wrong. It was a lie of omission. But Jasper was unaware that Edward was in my bed and shower quite frequently. So it seemed even, I guess. I still didn't like it. All the secret keeping. Keeping stuff from each other was not something we had ever done before. But Edward was gone today and wouldn't be back till late tonight. He had some stuff to do with some of the other grad students in his program. Something about the holiday concert or something like that. Afterwards they were going to go out and have a few drinks. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for Jasper and I to go on our date. Looking at myself one last time, I wondered if I had dressed up enough for out date. I mean it was just Jasper but it was still a date. A first date. I wanted to make a good impression. I was wearing dark jeans with chunky black boots. A red cable knit V neck sweater with a black button down shirt underneath. The sweater skimmed the top of my hips and the shirt tails hung out. They were both form fitting and showed off my boobs. My hair was in a loose knot at the base of my neck. I was wearing the dangly ruby earrings Jasper had gotten me for my birthday. I had applied minimal makeup, just some eyeliner and mascara to bring out my eyes. Walking into the living room, I found Jasper looking absolutely delicious. I felt the heat pool between my thighs. I had to remind myself to shake off the sudden lust his appearance stirred as I took him in. He was wearing dark jean and black boots too. But his button down shirt was white with a charcoal grey sweater over it. The grey of the sweater brought out the grey of his eyes. He had on his black motorcycle jacket. It was in the racing style with a white stripe down the arm and around his chest. I loved that jacket on him. Damn, he looks good. He may just get lucky tonight. Before I could speak he said, "Bella, you look absolutely beautiful." I blushed and said "Thanks. You don't look half bad yourself." I went to grab my keys and nodded my head towards the front door asking him if he was ready to go. "You don't need those," he said nodding towards my keys.

"I don't?" I asked confused. He smiled at my confusion and said, "Nope." He brought his hands from behind his back. There was a black leather jacket in one hand and a motorcycle helmet in the other. "It's a nice day and no chance of rain. I thought we could take my bike," he said, suddenly sounding unsure of his words. A small thrill went through me at the thought of riding on the back of Jasper's motorcycle. It had been … wow, almost two years since we had ridden it together. I loved riding with him. It was so freeing and exhilarating. "That sounds like a great plan. So where are we going?" I asked "Nuh-uh, you are just gonna have to wait and see," he replied with some trademark mischief in his voice. I muttered a low 'dammit' under my breath as he helped me put the jacket on. After it was on, he leaned in kissing me on my neck quickly. I turned around and smiled at him only to see him holding two daisies. Daisies were my favorite and I was touched that he remembered. Taking them from him I kissed him chastely on the lips and said, "Thank you, Jazz. That was really sweet." He blushed and looked down at the floor. It was so adorable. "Let me put these in some water real quick, okay?" He only nodded his head again, still blushing. I went to the kitchen finding a small bud vase. I filled it with water and put the daisies in it. After I was done with that I ran the vase back to my room really quick, setting it on my bedside table. I wanted to wake up tomorrow and look at them first thing. Coming back into the living room, I noticed that Jasper had composed himself again. "Ready to go?" he asked. Nodding my head, I took his hand as he led me out the door and to his bike. I really didn't know much about motorcycles at all. But Jasper's bike was a thing of beauty and his pride and joy. All I knew about it was that it was a Ducati, silver and went really fast.

He handed me my helmet and a pair of gloves. I put them on as I watched him swing his leg over the bike and zip up his jacket. I never realized how fucking sexy Jasper was on his bike. Damn. Looking back over his shoulder he asked, "You coming?" If he only knew. "Yep," I replied as my voice was betraying me with its huskiness. Climbing on I situated myself behind him. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his back. He squeezed my covered hand quickly with his and started the bike. It purred to life and the vibrations between my thighs were certainly not helping with my arousal. "Ready?" he asked. I knew he was asking if I was ready to go. But I couldn't help but think about if he was asking me if I was ready for this. Ready to date him. Ready to take our relationship to the next level. Ready for all that it entailed. So I nodded my head against his back. He revved the engine and we flew off into the dusk. We rode for about an hour during which I didn't really pay attention to where we were going. I was too wrapped up in the feeling of racing along with my arms wrapped around Jasper. The wind whipping around us as the bike vibrated beneath us. It was exhilarating and I would have been perfectly content if this was our date. Simply riding his bike. The two of us together. We finally arrived at our destination though. He helped me from the bike and took my helmet off for me. He strapped both his and mine to his bike. I turned around and finally saw where he was taking me. At first I wanted to laugh at the completely corniness of it. But really, it was sweet. This was the first date he had ever been on and I was sure he wanted it to be memorable. But here … really? But that didn't mean I couldn't tease him about it. "You can't be serious?" I asked him with disbelief as I looked around the location for our 'date'. "What? It'll be fun," Jasper answered nonplussed. He grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently while pulling me towards the entrance. Digging my heals into the ground, I pulled back trying to get him to stop.

"Jazz, how long have you known me?" I asked rhetorically. Stopping in his tracks he rolled his eyes while turning to me. Without hesitation he answered, "Nineteen years, two months, three days and …" he paused to look at his watch. "and ten hours give or take a few minutes." My jaw hung open as I stared at him again in disbelief. How did he know that? I don't know but color me impressed. Snapping out of it I got back to my original thought. "Okay … but in all that time have I ever said or indicated that I would enjoy someplace like this? Besides it's kinda cheesy for a first date dontcha think?" "Well … yeah but that is half the fun … the cheesiness," he replied, humor and delight clear in his voice. "Alright I'll give you that … but don't you remember what happened the last time we went to one of these?" I questioned. He hesitated a heartbeat before busting out with laughter at the memory of the last time we had gone to a fair. I had to laugh at him laughing. It was just too funny. "Yeah, I forgot all about that. You wanted a funnel cake with strawberries so bad. After pestering Edward to get you one forever he finally caved. You scarfed it down in like three minutes flat. Then we all went on the 'Scrambler'," he recalled the memory then sobered up when he got to the end of it. "After we got off you threw up all over Edward and me. Let's not do that again; that was definitely not fun. So no funnel cakes, got it?" he finished putting an arm around my waist while steering me towards the ticket booth. Jasper bought our ride tickets and we walked around a bit scoping the place out. The entire time his fingers were entwined with mine. This felt like a date, not just two friends hanging out. I was … nervous. Those first date jitters were present but there was also a feeling of happiness and contentment. After we has walked around for awhile taking in the sights and smells and sounds of the fair, Jasper asked, "So to not repeat the last time we were at one of there I thought we could ride the rides first then get something to eat and finish off by playing some games. Sound good?"

"Sounds wonderful," I answered hugging him to me. We went on the dreaded Scrambler, Tilt-A-Whirl, Zipper, and all the other spinning rides. I was terrified but having the time of my life. Jasper held my hand when I screamed, smiling the entire time. He would steal kisses and hugs frequently. I think he was enjoying being able to kiss and hold me in public. Secretly I too enjoyed the affection he was showing me. No one knew us here so there was no fear of being seen. To anyone around us we were a guy and a girl having fun in the company of each other. And much to my surprise I really was having a good time. As we were debating on whether or not to go into the Funhouse my stomach growled. Loudly. Jasper laughed at me before saying, "Well, I guess the ride portion of the night is over. Come on, let's go get you some food." We walked over to the area with all the food vendors. There was so much to choose from. After much debating and sighs of impatience from Jasper I finally decided. I got some ribs, fresh cut fries and one of those lemonades that you can only get at a fair or carnival. Jasper got a corndog, hot potato chips with cheese and bacon and all the fixings and the biggest Mountain Dew I have ever seen. We settled at a picnic table. I slung my legs over Jasper's thighs to sit sideways on the bench so I could look at him. His hair shone with the different colors as the neon and blinking lights went off all around us. He had a small smile on his lips. It was sweet. This whole night had been sweet. "So having a good time?" he asked me while poking at his chips, not looking at me like he was scared that he wouldn't like my answer. "Actually no, not at all," I said dryly. I saw his face fall. "Jazz, I was kidding. I am having a great time. This was a perfect place to take me," I said trying to reassure him as my hand rubbed his shoulder. He placed a hand on my knee, patting it then turned his head to look at me. His was face serious. "Bella … I … I want this … us. I want to have a relationship with you. Do you think that you could want that too?" he asked his voice full of sincerity.

My entire body stilled, but my brain was racing from his question. I knew it had to be hard for him to lay it all out on the table like that. To expose his heart to possible hurt. Hurt from his best friend. He was so brave. Braver then me. I could never have done what he just did. I thought about his question. Could I want a relationship with him? Was it possible to have one with our current situation? What about Edward? I didn't have answers so I decided to be honest. "Jasper I … don't know. I'm not saying no … just I don't know … yet. Do you understand? That is a lot to think about. There is another person in our relationship to consider too," I told him in a small voice. "Edward," "Yeah …Edward," I replied thinking about the elephant in the room. "Jasper, I don't like keeping this from him. But I don't think that he would respond … well to this." He mumbled something that sounded like 'that's an understatement' but I didn't press him on it. "Me either, Bells, but I … I … can we not talk about this now? We will … but not right now, okay," he said pleading with me to drop it. "Okay, Jazz," I said leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "So are you done? Ready to play some games?" he asked me cheerily all previous sadness suddenly gone from his voice. "Nope not done yet. There's one more thing I want," I said and grinned at him knowingly. "Bella, no. No way," he replied firmly. "Come on Jazzy … please?" I pouted using my nickname for him from when we were young. "Wow … pulled out all the stops there, didn't ya?" he asked and poked my side. "Yep … I want it bad. Real bad," I seductively told him. "Fine but no more rides then," he said getting up while gathering up our trash. "What flavor do you want … wait … let me guess, strawberry?" "You do know me so well, don't you?" I answered. He stopped his actions and looked at me. Setting down the trash, he took my hands and

pulled me up close against him. He put our joined hands over his heart and looked into my eyes with an intensity I had never seen from him before. "Bella, I know everything about you. Everything there is to know. You like milk in your tea. You hum Maroon 5 songs while you cook. You talk in your sleep. You have a scar on your knee from when you feel out of my tree house when you were eight. But that is just physical stuff. "When you were twelve you wanted to be a Rockette but never told anyone. You also wish you were closer with your mom. You hate having to depend on your parents for tuition but also you feel like they owe it to you so you take it. Your biggest dream and also fear is to be a published author. I also know that you desperately want to be loved. I want to love you that way, Bella. Please let me try. You are the most important thing … person in my life. I love you completely. That love may only be in a 'friends' kind of way for now. But I would love if it could eventually be more," he finished his speech leaving me stunned and breathless. Stunned in more ways then I wanted to think about. And he had giving me quite a few things to think about. But more than that I was touched again that he knew me. Really knew me. If he knew everything about me did that mean he knew about my feelings for Edward? That was a question I didn't have an answer for though and realistically I couldn't think about the implications of that right now. I hugged him as there were no words that could express what his speech had made me feel. He returned my hug and held me tightly for a moment. Finally he released me and moved to throw away our remaining trash. Coming back up to me, he entwined our fingers squeezing gently. "So you still want that funnel cake?" he asked laughing as his fingers wove with mine. I nodded and smiled while pulled him towards the vendor. It was time to put aside the previous thoughts and have fun again. I owed it to Jasper and myself.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight.

Jasper Because I couldn't say no to her, Bella got her funnel cake … with strawberries and powdered sugar. After getting the fried doughy goodness we went back to the picnic table so she could eat it. So we were sitting there, my back against the table top as Bella straddled my lap. Her legs hung down on the other side of the bench and my hands were on her ass holding her up. Bella had been feeding me little bites here and there but kept the majority of the sugary confection to herself. Her lips were ringed with powdered sugar and I was dying to lick it off. When Bella was done she went to lick her fingers clean of the powdered sugar and strawberry sauce. But before they made it to her mouth I grabbed her wrist and brought her hand to my mouth. Slowly I sucked the digits into my mouth, swirling my tongue around each one. Her fingers tasted sweet and salty from the mixture of strawberries, powdered sugar and Bella's own taste. Her mouth was parted breathing heavily, eyes glazed over with lust. I was almost positive she was thinking of the other things my tongue could do. Hopefully I can show her later tonight. Keeping my advances light tonight on purpose, I had restricted myself all night to holding hands and light chaste kisses to her cheeks and lips. But now with the way she was sitting on me and the look on her face I wanted her. I wanted her bad. I had hoped that the night would end with her in my bed for the whole night, just the two of us. That had never happened before; Edward was always with us after we had engaged in a 'group' session. I didn't know how this dating thing was going to work when in a sense I would be sharing my … I guess girlfriend with another man regardless if he was my best friend or not. Thinking of Bella as my girlfriend sent a thrill through me. But I didn't honestly know if it was Bella or girlfriend or a combination of both that caused it. This whole arrangement was complicated and messy and sometimes I wish we had never agreed to it. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed my time with Bella and surprisingly my time with Bella and Edward. But the lines were muddled and blurry whereas before everyone had their titles and categories and everything was in focus and clear. I wished we could have everything go back to the way it was before and still continue to have the sex.

Giving up any pussy besides Bella's had been easy. Easier than I ever thought. Which made me wonder had I only engaged in my man-slut ways because I was bored or I had just not met the right woman yet? And perhaps I had found her in someone that had been right in front of me the entire time. Being with Bella was never ever boring. Ever. Bella was sexy and playful and adventurous and willing to try anything once. But more than that I felt for her. I loved her and doing those things with someone I loved even as a friend was more than I ever thought possible. Is that why I wanted more with her then? Because I finally discovered what sex could be like? No, I felt for Bella beyond being friends. The emotion I felt when I thought of her and the feelings of happiness, contentment and giddiness when I was with her where more than just the glow of the newness of them. They were deep. And I didn't know if I could ever go back to being just her friend. Bella withdrew her fingers from my mouth and this brought me out of my thoughts. She grabbed at my jacket, pulling me to her as she attacked my mouth. Fuck, I love aggressive Bella. Her tongue pushed in between my lips before I could open willingly for her. After attacking my mouth with her tongue she backed off slightly, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth before biting it hard. What the fuck was that? "Shit, Bella!" I yelled, my hand going to my lip coming away with blood on my fingertips. "Why the fuck did you do that?" I asked confused as to why she would be so rough. "Because you were teasing me and I do not like to be teased," she said flippantly. I grabbed the back of her head, pulling her towards me until our noses touched. "It's not teasing if I plan to follow through on it. I had plans for later but now I don't think I am in the mood," I said with my eyes focused hard on her. But they softened as I saw her pout a little. I couldn't deny her anything. She really did have me wrapped around her little finger. I licked around her lips tasting the sweetness gathered there. Kissing her lips gently, I sucked gently on bottom lip between mine. Showing her how I wanted things to go tonight. Gentle and sweet, not the rough and tumble we usually had. "Come on Bells, let's go play some games," I said standing up with her still in my arms and depositing her gently on her feet.

My arms moved from her hips over her wrists up to her shoulders and hugged her to me. Simply holding her, enjoying the moment for what it was. Her and me. Pulling away from my embrace, she grabbed my hand tugging me towards the games. Bella's smile was huge and full of happiness. I liked that I put it there, whether it was by just being me or for some other reason. But I knew it was me that did it regardless. We played all the cheesy carnival games or rather I played them as Bella cheered me on. I won her four huge stuffed animals that she gave away to little kids that we passed. It hurt a bit that she was giving away tokens of my affection even if they were cheap pieces of fake fur and stuffing. I understood why she did it. There was no way to get them home on the bike. But it still felt like she was throwing or giving away my love for her. I had been trying to show her all night just how much she meant to me. My little speech about how I knew her was genuine, there was so much more that I could have added but that would have been showing off. I'll admit I had been showing off when I rattled off how long we had known each other. The only reason I knew it was because I was thinking of that very subject earlier in the day. How long we had known each other. How much we had been through. How much time we had spent in all those years just Bella and me. It wasn't that much admittedly, usually the three of us were together. Always the three of us together. In elementary school it was just the three of us. No outside friends. We kept to ourselves as we didn't need the company of anyone else. That changed in middle school when Edward and I started to notice the opposite sex. Also our interests started to diverge. But still it was the three of us together in the cafeteria at lunch and after school. High school was harder. My man whore tendencies came out in high school though I never dated any of the girls I screwed. I didn't need to date anyone; I had Bella and Edward for companionship. I just needed the sex. Edward had music, track and swim team. Bella, the paper and yearbook. Me, I had girls and soccer. But we always came back to one another. We were at each other's games and meets, cheering the other on. Spending all of our free time together. Soon graduation started to get closer and closer. The thought of not having them in my life on a daily basis scared me. They felt the same too though. We were each other's support system, biggest fans, therapists, confidants, rocks and everything else possible. We needed each other. It was kind of like they were my security blanket, but more than that they were my life. We had decided to all go to the same college though Bella and Edward could have gotten in anywhere. They sacrificed the Ivy League for me and I was eternally grateful. My academic record and financial circumstances would not have allowed me to go.

If my father the Captain had his way I would have joined the Navy and tried for a slot at Annapolis. But the thought of doing anything that would please my father disgusted me. So we decided on the University of Oregon in Eugene. It was close enough to Forks but far enough away at the same time. It appeased all of the parental units for the most part. The first two years we lived in the dorms at our parents' requests. After sophomore year we put our foot down and asked if we could rent a house together. Edward's parents were okay with it right away. The Chief was hesitant at first but then we convinced him that Bella would be better off with us as we could watch out for her. The Captain …well, the captain was none too pleased. I was already on scholarship as the Captain refused to pay my tuition after I said I was not joining the Navy. My mother had been giving me an allowance behind the Captain's back but it was nowhere near enough for my share of the rent. Edward's parents offered to buy a house for us to live in, but I couldn't accept that kind of charity or generosity. So I got a job at the bar and things were as close to normal as I could make them. It was an adjustment living with the two of them at first. You never really know someone until you live with them. Like who knew that Edward was an anal-retentive neat freak. Or that Bella was such a good cook. Or all the little ticks and ins and outs of a person. But now … now I felt that I knew them pretty damn well. How their minds worked, their thought processes. I knew a lot before, but after living with them for four years I still did not know how they felt for each other and about me. We never talked about love or forever or what kind of person we wanted to spend our lives with. Almost as if bringing another person into the mix would somehow lessen our bond. Before the arrangement my emotional and intellectual needs were being met by the two of them. I went elsewhere for my physical needs. But now my physical needs were being more than met by Bella. So the need to go outside the three of us was no longer there. It was as if we reverted back to elementary school in some ways. But even before the arrangement I was beginning to feel restless with my man-whore ways. Bored with it all. I mean, don't get me wrong I was still loving the sex. But the lack of permanence and attachment was bugging me. Which brings me back to Bella … again. Were the feelings I felt for her more, genuinely more because of her? Or were they the manifestation of my desire for something more? I was pretty sure that the feelings were for her and not for my desire for something more, something real. I must have been lost in my thoughts for a while because Bella was shaking my shoulder

and waving a hand in front of my face. "Jazz, hello earth to Jazz. You in there?" she asked giggling. "Yeah … sorry, I was just thinking," I replied taking her hand into mine. "About what?" Bella asked genuinely curious. Hmmm … somehow I didn't think my question the validity of my feelings was a good thing to share right then. Umm, yeah probably not. Turning to face her, I caressed her cheek and said, "About how beautiful you are and about how much fun I am having with you right now." It was the truth, I did think she was beautiful and I was having fun with her. Bella's whole face lit up at my words. She was so easy to please. Simple, though not that she was simple, far from it. But she didn't need much to make her happy. Bella had self esteem issues from god knows where or why, but she did. I knew it was the little things which seemed more genuine that meant more to her than any big grand overdone gesture would. "So what do you want to do now?" I asked. "Well … there are some Skee-ball machines over there …" Bella answered trying to be coy. It didn't work. I knew she was jumping up and down on the inside with excitement at playing. Again simple things like playing Skee-ball made her so very happy. "Well … I don't know. You are pretty damn clumsy. I can see you throwing one and missing by a football field and hitting me in the head knocking me out and then who would drive the bike home?" I kidded with her at a memory of a similar incident when we were ten. "Jasper Whitlock, that was fifteen years ago. And besides my aim has gotten waaayyy better since then," she replied in a fake annoyed tone. "Oh really?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at her. "Yes really, now come on dill-hole I want to play," she said tugging on my arm towards the machines. "Well, what Bella wants Bella gets," I said in a mock resigned tone.

She didn't reply, instead just smacked my arm in annoyance and victory. We played for about an hour and she was correct in saying she had improved. We gathered up all of our tickets and went to the prize counter so she could pick something out. Wonder what she'll pick. You mean you wonder who she'll pick. Not really. Yeah right, you keep telling yourself that. After waffling through several different choices, Bella picked out a little stuffed alligator that was green and yellow like our school colors. I just hoped that she wouldn't give this one away. It was something that we earned together. An experience shared between just the two of us. "Ready?" I asked. She merely hmm'd while tucking the alligator into her jacket. So she was keeping it I guess. My heart tingled a bit at the thought that she was actually keeping it. We went back to my bike and I helped her with her helmet and gloves then got her situated. Bella wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my back. "Jazz, I had a really great time tonight," she said in barely a whisper. I patted her hands that were clasped around my front, "Me too baby, me too." As we drove back home I thought of all I had confessed to her. About how I wanted more. More for us … together. I wasn't sure if it had been the right thing to do after her hedging and bringing up Edward. My guilt had bubbled over at that point and I contemplated telling Bella what my suspicions about Edward's feelings for her were. But it wasn't my place to tell her; it was Edward's. Also I was jealous and upset that Bella and I could not have just one evening to ourselves without Edward being brought into it. Yes, he was my best friend. Yes, I loved him like my brother. But … but didn't I have just as much right to Bella as he did? Wasn't she just as important to me as she was to him? So no, I was not betraying him or at least that was what I was trying to convince myself of. When we got home Edward was still not home which meant I could go ahead with my

more intimate plans. I thanked my lucky stars for that. Bella was kissing me gently in the doorway, letting me know that she didn't appear to be opposed to continuing with the evening. "Bella, how would you like to take a bath with me? I know you have to be sore from the rides and the bike ride. And my tub has the Jacuzzi jets …" I trailed off trying my damndest to sound innocent. I had been dying to get Bella in my tub since that first night. "That sounds like heaven, Jazz. Let me go put my things away and I will meet you in there," she said with a sparkle in her eyes. I simply nodded, inwardly thrilled that my plan was going to work. Leaving her to go get ready, I went to my bathroom that I had set up earlier. I ran the water making sure to add the lavender bubble bath and lit the vanilla candles I had placed all around the bathroom earlier, leaving the lights off. Now that is some serious romantic shit right there. I quickly undressed and lowered myself into my tub. I had never used my bathroom like this before. I had never been in it with someone else … it was just too intimate I think. But now I wanted to be in here with Bella. After a few minutes she came into my bathroom completely naked. Her hair was piled in a messy bun on the top of her head. She had removed her jewelry and make up. She looked like my Bella right now. The Bella that didn't need all the window dressing to be beautiful. "Wow Jazz, it's so beautiful," she said obviously referring to the candles on every available horizontal surface. "All for you, beautiful," I said holding out a hand for her. She took it and lowered herself into the tub. Resting in between my thighs, leaning back against my chest finally letting out a very contented sigh. "This is nice," Bella whispered. I didn't say anything and instead just started to massage her arms and shoulders. I could feel Bella begin to relax completely. This bath was not about sex; it was about being with her. Showing her that I wanted more than sex from her. Something that I don't think she quite got by her whore comments last week. There was only so much Edward and I could do to convince her that she was not a whore and that we didn't think of her in that manner. We could stop sleeping with her, but she has said she wanted to continue and to refuse her would hurt her more I thought. It would be a

big blow to her self esteem. Make her feel unwanted or unloved … rejected. Edward and I had talked about it after Halloween. About easing off a bit, being more affectionate with her in a non-sexual way. Reassuring her of our love and respect for her. We needed to balance it carefully. We both knew that we never meant to treat her that way. But we both admitted to being a little over zealous when it came to sex with Bella. That we had let our lower heads think for the bigger heads. So we agreed to be more aware of our dealings with her. Not to treat her like glass or as if she was fragile, but maybe with a little, okay a lot more care. Bella leaned forward and I began rubbing her back. She kept letting out little moans at my ministrations. They went right to my dick but I beat the feeling down. This bath was all about Bella and not about my need to be in her. I continued my hard, long strokes up and down her back trying to loosen the knots in her muscles. Bella made a soft purring noise and I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "What?" she asked looking at me over her shoulder. "You were purring, Bells," I answered smiling at her. "I was?" "Yep." "Well, that is only because you are so very good at this …" she trailed off turning to look forward again before continuing. "Jasper, thank you … for everything. I had a wonderful night and … and wouldn't mind doing it again sometime." She hadn't come right out and said it but I knew what she was getting at. That she wanted to date me too. She wanted the more of us that I wanted. She wanted us to go beyond friendship in our relationship. If possible my heart swelled even more with my newfound feelings for Bella. I think I have never been happier than I am at this moment. I know, this is … exciting. Before I could continue with her massage she turned to face me, straddling my thighs. Her hands came up to push my hair off of my face so she could rest her forehead to mine. "Jasper, I … I do love you. But I am not in love with you. That doesn't mean that I couldn't be one day but … but I don't think I can right now. Do you understand?" her dark brown eyes bored into mine as she confided quietly in me that she wasn't ready to love me yet.

"I do … and that you could maybe one day is enough for now," I said putting my hands on either side of her face and caressed her cheeks with my thumbs. Bella simply nodded then laid her head down on my shoulder. I rubbed up and down her spine for a while as we just enjoyed each other's company and comfort. Both of us thinking about what had just been shared and what the future could bring. The water began to cool and I knew it was time to get out. I pulled the plug with my toes, letting the water drain around us. I lifted Bella and myself out of the tub holding her tightly to my chest before setting her down gently on the bath mat. Grabbing a towel I dried her off starting at her shoulders and working my way down. Leaving little light kisses over her skin as I went. I kneeled so I could dry her legs while I kissed and nipped at her hip bones. Bella wove her fingers in my hair scratching at my scalp encouraging me. I brushed the towel down one leg and back up the other. When I got to the juncture of her thighs I ran my hand along her heat. Bella's hips thrust forward automatically in search of more contact. My name escaped her throat, low and throaty, as her hands clutched harder at my hair. Standing up I grabbed her ass pulling her up and into me. Bella's legs wrapped around my waist automatically pressing her heat into my now hard dick. Her hands that were still in my hair pulled me closer to her so she could get to my lips. She attacked my mouth much as she had earlier at the fair. I pulled back a bit trying to let her know that I wanted to take things slow tonight. She must have seen the look in my eyes because she ceased her movements and let her eyes drift close. Our lips meet again in a kiss so sweet and wonderful that it made my knees weak at the feeling of it. Once I regained use of my legs I slowly walked us into my bedroom. My legs hit the edge of the bed and I climbed on with Bella still wrapped around me. I lowered us both onto the mattress, pressing my body into hers lightly. Enjoying the pressure of us so close to one another. My tongue moved along Bella's bottom lip begging or entrance. She opened willingly for me. There was no battle for dominance here, just the gentle brushing of our tongues against each other. Bella tasted like heaven, with a sweetness that was all her own. For a brief moment, the idea that she was my heaven flitted through my thoughts. I was going to take my time with her tonight. There would be no rushing to get off. I would worship her because in my mind she deserved it. My hands moved up and down her body. Lightly brushing over the spots I knew drove her wild; palms ghosting over her nipples as they pebbled, a thumb swirling around her

hipbone, and a hand running up and down the back of her thigh. Bella started to squirm under me trying to create friction as her hand moved over my back pressing me into her more. "Bella baby calm down, I'm just getting started," I said after releasing her lips staring into her eyes. "Jasper, I need you … please I need you in me," Bella said with eyes that begged me to give her everything I could think of. What Bella wants Bella gets. So much for taking my time and worshiping her body. Bella released my waist as her legs fell onto the bed opening up for me. I leaned over towards the side of the bed to grab a condom but Bella stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder. "No Jazz, I … I want to feel you, all of you," she said in a low whisper. Does she mean what I think she means? My eyes bugged out of my head making Bella giggle at my reaction. We had never, I mean never had sex without a condom before. The thought if being in Bella skin to skin made me harden even more and I felt some pre-cum leak from the slit on my tip. I settled back over Bella, my weight resting on my forearms as I searched her eyes for confirmation that she really wanted this. That she didn't want to wait any longer, that she wanted all of me without any barriers. Her eyes were shining with lust and affection and want but there was no doubt to be found. Bella's small hand grabbed my cock guiding me to her. She moved the head up and down her slit spreading her sweetness over it. She released me, moving her hand to my cheek caressing my jaw and nodded letting me know she was ready. I pushed into her slowly filling her. Once I was completely sheathed my eyes rolled into the back of my head as I reveled in the feeling of being in her this way. It was always euphoric to be in her, but this time it was different. It wasn't just the lack of physical barriers; there were no emotional ones either. We were fully connected, body and soul. My name fell from her lips, barely a whisper, letting me know that she was feeling the connection too. I opened my eyes as I stared to move in and out if her in slow even, steady strokes. Bella's

eyes were closed and her brows furrowed. I needed to see her eyes. Needed to feel another layer of the connection we were feeling. "Bella … open your eyes, baby," I whispered at her. Bella slowly parted her lids and what I saw in her eyes stunned me. There was the want and lust and desire, but also there was affection and happiness and contentment and excitement and lastly … lastly there was love. Seeing the love staring me in the face made me realize that I was in love with her. The epiphany hit me hard making me halt my movements for a moment. I was in love with her. That new greater feeling of more that I had been feeling since the first night was love. It had steadily grown and grown to where I now I was in love with her. Giddiness spread through me as I started to move again. This was something that I never thought I wanted until her and now I had it. I knew she didn't love me back yet, but I had hope that one day she could. I couldn't say the words to her yet. I knew during sex was not the proper time to tell her. So I poured the newly named love that I felt for her into my motions and eyes. I was making love to her now, even if she was not aware of it. Our eyes never left each others as we silently climbed towards our peak; there was no need for words as our eyes conveyed everything that we were feeling. I increased my pace slightly as I felt her get closer. Then with a quiet utterance of my name, I felt her clench around me and her body tremble as she fell off the edge taking me with her. I had had all of my life's best orgasms with Bella. But this one was different because there was love behind it for the first time. The physical and emotional blending and melding into a raging current that dragged me under and took over me completely. It was beyond anything I ever thought possible. It stunned and surprised me and made me believe in something greater than myself. We came down from our highs slowly. I rolled us onto our sides while still connected, rubbing up and down her back and holding her impossibly close to me. Her breathing steadied and deepened and I realized that she had drifted asleep. Kissing her forehead I whispered a soft "I love you" into her skin now meaning it completely and in a new way for the first time ever. Her own gentle "love you too" came back to my ears. I knew she didn't mean it in the same way I did. But again I had hope that one day she would. As I drifted off to sleep I thought of the ramifications my newfound love would have on our relationship and our relationship with Edward. But I couldn't focus on it too much. I was in

love and really that was all that mattered even if it made me a horribly selfish bastard. Edward I arrived home late, probably around two o'clock in the morning. I was helping with the winter concert for the school, but I was also working on a new piece that I would perform for the first time that night. It was a piece that I was writing for Bella. It told of my all encompassing love for her and everything that she was to me. It was grand fucking gesture time. I needed to tell her that I loved her and was in love with her. Nine years I had felt this way, the feeling growing and growing with each passing year. It deserved a big event. So my plan was to play it for her in front of everyone and then declare myself. It may not have been the smartest plan but it was what I thought was the best way. I would face the rejection if it came, but it was time to stop pussy footing around. In my bedroom I stripped to my boxers then went through our joined bathroom. I knew she would be sleeping but I didn't want sex from her right now. My mind was full of the love that I had for her and I needed to feel her and smell her and just be surrounded by her. When I opened the door to her room though I found the bed still made and empty. Weird, I saw her car and Jazz's bike in the driveway. Then it hit me. She was in Jasper's bed. She never slept in Jasper's bed unless it was after a group … er … session. I looked around to see if there was a note or some clue as to her absence. That was when I saw the daisies on her bedside table and the stuffed animal on her bed. Something in the back of mind told me that something was going on. What exactly I didn't know. Maybe it's nothing. A friends type thing. Maybe? Maybe not. I was filled with rage and jealousy and hate at Jasper for what might be going on before I realized that he had just as much right to her as me. Then I felt remorse and regret for thinking that way about him without knowing the whole situation and for not acting on my feelings for Bella sooner. Do I forget my plan and declare myself sooner? No stick to the plan but … but step up your game. My mind set to increase my efforts I slipped under the covers of Bella's bed. If I couldn't be

near her physically tonight I would surround myself in her scent at least. I drifted off to sleep with visions of her crying tears of joy and happiness after I told her I loved her, and then her telling me she loved me too. Hopefully they would come true. Soon enough. Soon enough.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. The next morning ... Edward I woke up with a start not remembering where I was at first and what had woken me up. In Bella's bed … without my Bella. Not yet opening my eyes I breathed in deep. Bella's scent assaulted my senses. It was just as it always was … strawberries and love and freesia and forever. Chuckling softly to myself, I remembered the first time I noticed her smell. We were freshmen in high school and I was just beginning to discover my feelings for her. We were messing around, wrestling or some such nonsense like that. Jasper was trying to tickle her for some smartass remark she had made. I grabbed her from behind, my arms around her chest holding her arms down to her sides and back against my chest. Having recently gone through a growth spurt I was finally taller than her, my nose hitting the top of her head. I had breathed in automatically as she struggled to get free. It was the first real time I had been this near to her since I began seeing her as a women and not just my best friend the tomboy. The smell of strawberries fogged my brain setting my teenage hormones into overdrive. The sweet innocent smell of the strawberries coupled with her writhing and squirming against me was too much and I released her before I could embarrass myself. She spun around hitting and pushing at my chest. In a daze from my body's reaction to the smell of her hair and her movements to get away from me I was a very easy target. I went down without a fight when she pushed once against me hard, and the momentum of

her push and my complete lack of resistance to it had her tumbling down falling on top of me. She landed over me, her neck and collarbone against my face. Breathing in again I caught the scent of what I knew to be her freesia body wash combined with the smell of her strawberry hair. Bella was breathing hard, almost panting at the sudden turn in our positions. Her laying over me, chest rising and falling against my neck and upper chest, Bella's two distinct sweet scents, and her puffs of breath into my hair was entirely too much. My horny teenage mind instantly thought of other scenarios where she would be laying over me breathing hard like she was now, the two of us with much less clothing. It was the first time I had thought of her in a sexual way. I mean I was just starting to notice the way her eyes sparkled and nose crinkled and how she blushed at almost everything. But it had been a huge leap to where my thoughts had just been. It kind of scared me. With the visions of her writhing above me still fresh in my mind I pushed Bella off of me roughly. When all I really wanted to do was pull her closer to me and kiss the neck that was an inch from my waiting mouth to see if she tasted as sweet as she smelled. After that incident it was a few years before I didn't get instantly hard when I smelled strawberries or freesias. I still had problems controlling my body's instant reaction to those smells. Cracking an eye open I looked at the clock on the bedside table. 5:46 a.m., too fucking early to be up. But I didn't want to be caught like the pathetic loser I was in Bella's bed by myself so I decided to get up. After remaking the bed to look like it hadn't been slept in I surveyed the room in the dim dawn light. The daisies in the vase on the bedside table and the stuffed alligator were new. But everything else looked to be in order. To say that the daisies and the alligator didn't bother me would be a lie. They did. I had no idea where they came from. They seemed like simple childish gestures to me. I hoped that one of the kids that Bella tutored at the community center had given them to her. Hopefully? It's nothing … it has to be. But the sinking feeling in my gut had me wondering if Jasper had given them to her. It was just the type of thing he would do if he was trying to woo her. Bella was a simple, no frills type of girl. The daisies, her favorite, would mean more to her then ten dozen roses. The alligator perplexed me though. I wonder though … Knowing that Bella was the no frills type of girl had me constantly wondering if a simple

private declaration of my love would be better than the grand public spectacle I was planning. No, my love for her was grand and deserved the gesture I was planning. I was too tired to go through the pro and con list of my plan right now so I made my way back to my own room and bed to get some more sleep. Halfway through the bathroom my curiosity got the better of me and I found myself padding lightly to the other side of the house. At Jasper's door I pressed my ear to it listening and heard nothing. Being as quiet as I could, I turned the knob gently opening the door a crack. My fears were confirmed when I saw the two of them in Jasper's bed. They were both naked, the duvet pushed down to their waists. Jasper was on his back with Bella sprawled on her stomach, her head on his chest. His hands in her hair were holding her close to him. It was too intimate. They looked like lovers not best friends who had just partaken in a friendly romp between the sheets. My blood boiled, it took all my willpower not to march in and demand to know what the fuck was going on. Instead I closed the door silently and went back to my room. Sleep didn't come easy regardless of my fatigue. My mind couldn't stop turning over the sight of the two of them together. Other visions came into my mind. Ones I had never envisioned before. Me standing next to Jasper as Bella made her way up the church aisle looking too beautiful for words to marry him and not me. Bella's belly round with child as Jasper laid his hand on it feeling his child kick. The two of them playing with their children on the playground. Her loving smile as he kissed her hello after coming home from work. I had had these visions before … but it was always me next to Bella not Jasper. Disturbing as the visions were the more disturbing thing was that they might actually come to pass. She was mine. Mine. She is not yours asshole. She is … NO, she's not. Not yet at least. My determination to tell her my feelings grew even more. But now the fear that she may not return my feelings was replaced by the fear that I was too late and that I had lost her to my best friend. Could I sit around and watch them be together? Could I still be a friend to them while I pined for Bella to be mine? Could I survive the heartache of losing her to him? These were the questions I asked myself as I drifted off to sleep.

The front door slamming and the unmistakable sound of Jasper's bike roaring to life woke me from my fitful sleep. Peeking at my alarm clock I saw that it was now 9:58. Still too early to be up considering when I had gone to bed and how restless my sleep had been. Groaning I swung my arm over my eyes to block out the sun filtering in through the windows. The thoughts that I had gone to sleep with came back full force. My head hurt from the sheer enormity and heaviness of them. The shower turned on in the bathroom and pushed the thoughts from my mind … thank God. Bella was in there right now. In there and naked or soon to be naked. My cock instantly reacted and hardened. Whoa … down boy! What? You know you want to get some. True … but I want to be near Bella more than I want to be with her. Whatever. Should I join her? We hadn't had sex in the shower in over a week. That was our thing, the shower. But after Halloween it just felt wrong, so I hadn't initiated anything sexual in there. We still showered together every morning, but now I only washed her hair for her and we talked. Even without the sex it was nice. It was just her and me. No Jasper. No arrangement. No outside world. In our own little bubble where we were safe from everything besides ourselves that was keeping us apart. I wanted to be near her so I told my dick to calm the fuck down as I got up and out of bed. The bathroom was full of steam and the atmosphere was heavy as I entered. Knocking on the glass door lightly before opening it I peered in. The sight that met me was not the one that I had expected at all. Bella was sitting on the floor of the tub. Her knees pulled up to her chest, arms clutched to her as she rocked back and forth crying raggedly. I stumbled over the lip of the tub desperate to get to her. Sliding the shower door shut I crouched behind Bella and touched her shoulder gently. "Bella?" I said in barely a whisper as my heart broke at the sight of her. She jumped at my touch, turning her head to the side to peer at me through the curtain of hair in her face. Upon seeing that it was me she scrambled from her position into my body, knocking me back on my butt. Resettling myself on the cold porcelain floor of the tub I gathered her in my arms. Rocking her back and forth I gently shushed her, trying to get her to stop crying. It wasn't working

though and she just clung to me tighter, wrapped around me as if I was the only thing keeping her from falling under. I had no idea what had her so upset and honestly I had never seen her this upset before. I was terrified that she was hurt somehow. But I didn't see anything physically wrong with her. It had to be something else. Not having seen her in 24 hours I had no fucking clue as to what could be wrong. Then I remembered her in Jasper's bed looking so peaceful. Jasper. He had to have done something to her to make her this way. I was going to fucking kill him. But first I had to find out what he had done. Fucking cocksucking asshole is going to die when I see him next. Holding her to me tighter I whispered in her ear, "Bella sweetheart, what's wrong honey?" Bella simply shook her head 'no' while continuing to cling to me and cry. Her sobs were jagged now, shaking her whole body. The floor of the tub was ice cold in direct contrast to the scalding hot water coming out of the showerhead onto us. Scooting up I reached and turned the cold handle to even out the water temperature. I moved backwards to where my back was against the wall, still cradling Bella's wet body to me. Pushing her off of me slightly, I moved the hair out of her face to get a good look at her. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her face was a ghostly white. But it was what I saw in her eyes that shot right through my heart causing me physical pain. Despair and hopelessness and desperation and regret and defeat and longing. They were all there in her eyes. So very clear. It hurt to look at her. To see the pain she was in and not be able to do something about it. I wanted to take it all away. I would gladly have taken it all into myself if I could have. Please God, help me take away her pain. I don't think God can help you with this. "Bella … love, what happened?" I whispered as I put my hands on either side of her face. "Edward … oh Edward. It's all wrong. So wrong," she sobbed out pressing her face into my neck. "Bella, what's wrong, baby?" I said into her hair. I was still not any closer to deciphering what was wrong. It was something big though, I could tell.

"Wrong Edward, it's just wrong. When did it all get so fucked up?" I couldn't answer her question so I just remained silent. I couldn't do much for her, but I could do something. I could hold her, touch her, comfort her as she got through whatever had her so upset. Suddenly I felt her lips on my neck as she started to kiss me even though she was still crying. Then she moved to straddle my thighs, rubbing against me. Despite my brain screaming at my body 'STOP!' it responded like it always did to Bella. My dick hardened as she rubbed against me, her lips making their way to my ear. She nipped at my lobe enticing my body further. Putting my hands on her upper arms I pushed her away from me to look at her face. Her eyes still held everything that they had before but now lust had joined the other emotions. I couldn't be with her in the state that she was currently in. It would just be wrong. I would be the worst kind of monster if I did. "Bella no, not like this," I pleaded with her. She closed her eyes and I couldn't see the pain in them as she leaned her forehead against mine. "Edward," she breathed out and placed her hands on my upper arms. "Edward, please … I need you, only you. I need you right now," she was pleading with me now and God help me I almost gave into her. "Bella, no I … I can't, not when you are so upset," I pleaded back trying to make her understand. "Edward, please … please, just love me. I need you to love me," she breathed out still grinding against me while clutching my face to hers kissing me. I remember thinking once that she would be my downfall and I was right, she was. Because God, if there was a God he would smite me right now. Bella begging me to love her, even though I knew she only meant physically was my undoing. I wanted her to love me so fucking much that I ignored everything the rational part of my brain was screaming at me. She wanted me to love her and I couldn't deny her request. My own selfish over powering need to have her love me and let me love her in return overtook everything else. The wrongness of it all. The shame I knew I would feel. Everything that I knew to be morally correct.

I left it all behind for her. Anything and everything for her … always. I knew it was probably the worst decision to make at the time, but I made it as I kissed her back as feverishly as she was kissing me. I reached for the condoms we kept in the shower. Resigning myself to hell as I fully gave into the monster I was about to become. Bella's hand on my arm stopped my journey. "No, Edward … just you. All of you. No barriers. Nothing in between us. Just you and I together and nothing else," she said, sinking down on my dick at her last word. The world blurred away as we loved each other. The pain and everything else I had seen in her eyes gone. I did take it all away … even though I didn't know at what cost. My very soul may well be the price I would have to pay, I didn't know. I loved her. Loved her like she had asked me to and so much more. I broke my vow not to make love to her again until she told me she loved me too. I broke every rule for her. Maybe even breaking myself in the process. But all that didn't matter because for the first time she was loving me as I loved her. I didn't know what would happen next. Didn't really give a fuck at the moment. I would live in the moment for now and worry about everything else later. She wanted me to love her. So I did.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. Lie to me I promise I'll believe Lie to me But please don't leave I have a face I cannot show I make the rules up as I go It's try and love me if you can Are you strong enough to be my man?

Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow Bella The Shower. The Shower. The Shower. I needed in the fucking shower right fucking now. And not because I needed to get clean …well at least not physically. I needed in the shower because I could feel it coming. Feel it bubbling up threatening to spill over. And I couldn't let it do that. Not out in the open. The shower was my haven, my cocoon, my vault. It was like Vegas; what happened in there, stayed in there. The shower was safe, a safe place for me to breakdown. Cause yeah, I was about to breakdown. I pushed it back down. It would have to wait. Wait till I was alone. Putting on my happy face, I watched Jasper finish getting ready while still lying in his bed, counting the seconds in my head until he would leave. Please hurry … I can't last much longer. Jasper came around to the side of his bed I was on, brushing the hair out of my eyes. Leaning down he kissed my forehead then my lips while caressing my face. I couldn't look at him, but I knew he deserved it so I locked it all away until I could be alone. Looking at him now I put on my Jasper face. The one that was just for him. Showing the love I had for him. The love that was only in a friends way. I smiled at him as he smiled at me. But his smile held more than mine. More than mine ever would, breaking my heart in the process. "I meant it, Bells. Meant every word I said," Jasper said quietly kissing my forehead again. "Just think about it, okay?" And with that he was gone. Leaving me alone. Alone with the thoughts and feelings that were running rabid in my head and heart. Hearing the front door slam and his bike start up I ran for my haven, my safe place, the shower. I ran across the house only focused on getting there before the tears came. Because when they came I knew I wouldn't be able to stop them. Wouldn't be able to move. Finally I was in the bathroom having luckily not tripped on anything along the way. I turned on the shower not caring about the water temperature. As soon as the water started I was inside. Then … then I collapsed onto the floor. My knees pulled tight to my chest rocking back and forth. They came then, the tears. And with them everything that I had been avoiding and pushing back down came up with them. Everything was so completely fucked up. So fucked up and I couldn't see a way out of it

without destroying everything in the process. And I mean everything; Jasper, Edward, me and everything that we had. Everything that we were to each other. Everything that we had become to each other. I had been given the one thing I thought I had wanted more than anything in the world this morning. Some told me that they loved me. That they were in love with me. That they wanted me and only me. But it was wrong. So very wrong. There was no take backs. You couldn't take it back once it was out there. Once it was said. And Jasper had said it. Said the six words that I had been dying to hear for so long: "Bella, I'm in love with you" and in the process had changed everything irrevocably forever. I did want that. But after the words left Jasper's mouth I came to the sudden realization that not only did I desperately want to hear what Jasper was telling me, but I wanted to hear it from Edward and only Edward. Edward, whom I was in love with him and wanted him to return those feelings. But I wanted to be loved more. To finally have someone to love me. I thought I didn't care who. Again I was wrong. So very fucking wrong. And now the impossible situation that we found ourselves in was even more impossible and complex. I was living in a fucking soap opera. I knew it was selfish of me. So selfish and wrong. Jasper was offering me his love, all of him, to me and only me. I should take it. Take it and be happy with the fact that finally someone wanted me. But I couldn't. I couldn't accept his love. Because I knew that no matter what my feelings for Jasper were I would never be able to love him the way I loved Edward. I had given that part of my heart away a long time ago and would never ask for it back. At the same time as my heart plummeted when Jasper told me he was in love with me as his face was so full of sincerity and conviction, it also soared because finally someone did want me … just the wrong someone. Jasper believed he was in love with me. I don't know what changed between last night and this morning. But something had. He had come to some realization in that time. He was sure of his feelings. And then I knew that I would break his heart. And that thought is what crushed me the most. Not my need for Edward's love or my need to be loved. But my inability to love Jasper the way he wanted me too, the way he loved me. To give him back what he so willingly gave me. Jasper had put himself out there in a brave and frightening way. In a way that I never could. All he asked was for me to let him love me. He didn't ask for anything in return. But I couldn't let him and I couldn't not let him. If I let him love me I would just be leading him on. Letting him believe that we might have

a future together. And before this morning's epiphany I would have thought it possible too. But if I told him no it would break his heart and maybe he would never put himself out there like that again. Never let himself love someone again to avoid the hurt. I couldn't do that to him. I was going to hurt him no matter what. But was it better to let him love me, to see that it was worth the risk or to reject his love and maybe destroy any chance that he might love again? Hurt now or hurt later? I really didn't know what to do. I needed to talk to someone about it. But Jasper was the person I would have talked to about such things. Then there was Edward to consider. Edward. Was there even a chance that he could possibly one day feel for me what I felt for him? I had to hope there was. I had to or I would have nothing left. Inextricably as if I had conjured him up Edward was there. I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder and my name said so quietly I thought I had imagined it. Turning my head to the side I saw that he was actually here and it wasn't my imagination. Faster than I knew was possible I grabbed onto him, clinging to him desperately. I needed to feel him. To reassure myself that anything was possible. That it was possible for him to one day love me. The tears came harder now. Harder than they ever had before. I felt him move and the water that I had been oblivious to before cooled slightly. All I could do was hang on as everything that had happened with all of us washed over me. Edward tried to comfort me. Rocking me, trying to shush and calm me. But it was still too much. And as good as it felt to have him comfort me I needed more from him. I needed his love. He asked me what was wrong and I simply couldn't tell him. It was too much for me to bear and I didn't want this pain I was feeling to infect him too. He moved me slightly away from him to look at me. And as much as I tried to hide it I knew he could see all that I was feeling in my eyes. It was just too much to try and hide. Edward flinched when he looked at me. As if it hurt him to see me this way. There was concern, curiosity and anger in his eyes. Putting his hands on my face so I couldn't look away he whispered, "Bella … love, what happened?" Something snapped within me. Snapped forever maybe. I needed him. I needed him to know in part what I was feeling, what was going on. I collapsed against him, my face in his neck breathing him in. "Edward … oh Edward. It's all wrong. So wrong," I whimpered out not even realizing the words I was saying. "Bella, what's wrong, baby?" he said his lips in my hair trying to comfort me.

But I didn't deserve his comfort. I craved it, but wasn't worthy of it. I had let this whole situation get completely out of hand and I knew that it would destroy us eventually. It was all my fault. All of it … everything. "Wrong Edward, it's just wrong. When did it all get so fucked up?" I asked him because I couldn't pinpoint exactly when it changed. Was it when I kissed him? When I invited Jasper to kiss me? When I moved us into the bedroom? When I agreed to this stupid arrangement? Or was it earlier when I fell in love with Edward? When I choose one of my best friends over the other? When I went for so long without telling him? When I choose to let my fear of rejection and our friendship ending trump the love I felt for him? No. No, my love for Edward would never be wrong. Ever. But the way I had handled and dealt with it was. I would tell him … but not right now. The timing wasn't right. And I needed to settling things with Jasper first. I needed to have that relationship stable and secure before risking it all with Edward. How I was going to go about this I had no fucking clue? I couldn't tell Edward I loved him above all else but I could show him. I needed to let him feel what I felt for him. Kissing his neck I moved so I was straddling his thighs. I felt his body respond to mine. He pushed me back from him. His face tormented. Struggling to fight off his body's reaction. "Bella no, not like this." He was rejecting me and in a way the love I was trying to show him. It hurt, hurt so bad. Closing my eyes I rested my forehead against his. Trying to make him understand without saying it, what I needed from him. That I needed his love more than anything. "Edward," I breathed out. "Edward, please … I need you, only you. I need you right now." Trying desperately to make him understand. That I couldn't say it yet, but I needed to show him. That I needed him, needed to feel the connection to him. "Bella, no I … I can't, not when you are so upset," he pleaded back. The rational side of my brain understood what he was trying to say. But my heart, my heart only heard him rejecting me. "Edward, please … please, just love me. I need you to love me," I said out loud without realizing it, my brain and mouth obviously not communicating properly. Again there are no take backs when you ask someone to love you. So I kissed him with everything that I had. Showing him my love for him because I couldn't say it yet. Then as if a miracle had happened he was kissing me back with just as much emotion as I was giving

him. Giving me what I wanted, at least a little bit. It gave me hope that he could or did love me back. Then everything that I had been feeling, all the pain and confusion and guilt and just everything was gone. Replaced with hope, my love for Edward, and my desire to be with him. I knew that the other feelings would come back. That they weren't gone for good. But for right now it was him and me and that was enough. I felt Edward reach for the condoms and I stopped him before he got to them. Last night I had given Jasper my body without anything in between us. I had given it to him because at the time I wasn't ready to give him the part of my heart he wanted. The part I had given to Edward. Now I knew that I would never be able to give it to him. That that part of my heart belonged to Edward … forever. So I gave Jasper my body. The only thing I had to give. Now I wanted to give Edward the part of my heart he unknowingly already had and my body. We had only ever gone without a condom twice before. The first night when I made love to him and the next day in the shower when I needed him too desperately to stop. Now I wanted to make love to him again. And it seemed that he wanted to love me too. It may be all a lie on his part, him trying to make me feel better and comfort me. But in my mind he loved me and wanted to show me as I wanted to show him. "No, Edward … just you. All of you. No barriers. Nothing in between us. Just you and I together and nothing else," I said into his mouth while sliding him into me. Edward kissed me again pulling me onto him. His hands on my back crushing our chests together as I moved over him. It was neither fast nor slow. Hurried or languid. Gentle or frenzied. It just was. It was just us. The two of us together as it seemed it should be. My eyes remained closed so I wouldn't see the truth or the lies in his eyes. So the illusion that he loved me too remained. Neither of us spoke. Either too wrapped up in what was happening or too overcome with the intensity of the emotions we were feeling. Our pace remained steady the whole time. Be it for two minutes or two hours I really didn't know. Kissing softly but for the most part resting our foreheads against each other's as he ran his hands up and down my back. We reached our peak together, saying each other's name reverently once as we reveled in the feelings coursing through us. Clinging to each other we shivered either from the now cold water coming out of the showerhead or the power of our climaxes. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was more than sex, more than fucking. More than just our physical bodies connecting for a release. Edward moved me off of him, breaking our connection. Standing up he turned off the water and held out his hand for me. I took it still not yet looking at his face. Not yet ready to see what was there. Not yet ready to face what I would find there. Leading me out of the shower he hugged me too him whispering into my hair, "Okay

now?" I simply nodded against his chest. I wasn't okay, but I was better. I had hope at least. A hope I hadn't felt since before making our arrangement. I still had the whole Jasper issue to resolve and then I could think about how to tell him in words instead of actions. But for right now I would enjoy the time we had together. Edward dried me off, wrapping my hair and body in a towel. He led me to my room, sitting me down on my bed before going back through the bathroom to his room. Looking around I noticed the stuffed animal from my date with Jasper last night. I couldn't look at it right now so I threw it under my bed. I wanted to stay in my happy little Edward bubble a bit longer. As I was about to get up to get dressed Edward came back wearing a t-shirt and boxers with some clothing in one hand and my brush in the other. He dressed me in one of his old 'Oregon' t-shirt and a pair of worn boxers. I didn't know if it was because he wanted to see me in his clothing or if he didn't know where my clothes were. Either way I was happy to be in his clothing surrounded by his Edwardy scent. Edward moved behind me on the bed, his back against the headboard. Grabbing my waist he pulled me in between his legs and hugged me. The heavy atmosphere from earlier in the shower gone, replaced with a light and jovial mood. I sank into it, deciding to enjoy it for however long it would last. Sitting between Edward's legs on my bed he started to brush the tangles out of my damp hair. All was okay in my little corner of the world. That was until I thought about it and then…then all was not okay. So I was avoiding and not thinking about it. Even though I knew I would have to or suffer another breakdown like I had this morning. Instead I was enjoying the simple gesture that Edward was bestowing on me. Really there is nothing better than having your love (even if he doesn't know he is) brush your hair for you. Seriously I would let him do this all damn day. Not only did it feel absolutely divine it was the gesture of it. It was sweet and tender and showed that he cared about me. And that was exactly what I needed right now. Edward was humming an unfamiliar tune while he ran the brush through my hair. I was lightly rubbing his bare calves that curved around my legs just being in the moment. "Edward … what is that you're humming?" I asked curious. He stopped suddenly, humming and brushing and it seemed like breathing too. Weird… "Edward…" I asked again concerned now.

Edward started to brush my hair again; his breathing was even and steady. "It's something new I am working on," he answered rather blankly. "Will you play it for me?" I asked. I really did love it when he played for me. "Not yet, it's not ready yet. I want to save it for a special occasion," he said. "Special occasion, huh? Like what?" I asked curious. "Well, I'm planning on debuting it at the school's holiday concert next month. That was why I was home so late last night," he paused as if mulling over his next words. "Would you come, to hear me play it?" "Of course, I wouldn't miss it. I love to hear you play. But can't I hear what you have so far? It was pretty, the little bit you were humming." "Nope, like I said it's not done yet. And it's kinda special. I don't want to spoil it for you," he said a teasing tone in his voice. "Can you at least tell me what it's about?" I asked knowing that all of his original pieces had some sort of story behind them. Coming around to my front he looked at me mischievously. "Nope," he said popping the 'P' then kissed me on the nose before continuing. "It's a surprise." My mouth opened to respond that I didn't like surprises, but my stomach chose that particular moment to let itself be known and grumbled in hunger. Edward snickered a bit before kissing my forehead and getting up off the bed. "Stay here. I have another surprise for you. Give me a few minutes, okay?" he asked. Nodding my head I watched him leave for the kitchen. When he was gone my mind immediately went back to the predicament I was in with Edward and Jasper. My heart lurched at the thought that there was no way to not hurt either of them. I felt all the feelings that had caused my breakdown earlier trying to surface again. I was going to have to face them and come up with some kind of plan, but not right now. So I pushed them down once again and thought instead of my encounter with Edward in the shower. Going over it and over it in my head looking for any clues or hints to Edward's real feelings. Before this whole thing there were times when I would catch him looking at me

and I thought that maybe he might have felt more for me then just friendship. But since then everything was so messed up. And I didn't know if it was my vain hope that he might love me too making me see things I wanted to see as opposed to what was actually there. I had to admit that when it came to Edward my mind was not a very reliable source. Everything related to him had a hazy film on it. As if I wouldn't allow myself to see what was really there, instead I saw what I wanted to see. A loud crash and a string of curse words brought me out of my Edward-related musings. Quickly I made my way to the kitchen to find Edward crouching on the ground sweeping up flour with his hand. There was a light dusting of the white powder all over him and I couldn't help but laugh at the sight. "Need some help?" I asked leaning against the fridge. "No … yes," he grumbled looking up at me. Grabbing the broom and dustpan I helped him clean up the mess. "What were you trying to make?" I asked sweeping the flour into a big pile. Edward was pretty adept in the kitchen so I was curious as to what he was going to make me. Hopefully not pancakes. I couldn't look at pancakes anymore without blushing and getting turned on. "Raspberry muffins. I saw a bunch of raspberries in the fridge and I know you love them. So…" he trailed off. It was too sweet and cute. He was trying to cheer me up. Like he knew that something was still bothering me and that I wasn't going to tell him. So he was doing what he could to make me happy. I was beyond touched. And he is in luck … Leaning the broom against the counter I opened the pantry and grabbed a full Tupperware container handing it to him smiling. He opened it up seeing what was in it and smirked before looking up at me. "Great minds and all …" I trailed off while grabbing one of the raspberry muffins I had made the previous day out of the container and taking a bite. "Great minds indeed," Edward said standing up then kissing my crumby lips. Awww … I smiled against his lips. This was nice. It was a possible glimpse at what it could be like if

we were ever together. We finished cleaning up our late breakfast since it was already 11:30. I idly wondered when Jasper was going to be back from the library and how much time I had left in my Edward bubble. "Sooo … there was something I wanted us to do …" Edward said then trailed off. Curious as to what he meant by 'us' and 'do' I nodded for him to continue. It could be a sexual thing but that was not the vibe I was getting from him at the moment. "Go put on some jeans and a sweatshirt and meet me back here," he said excitedly then turned to go to his room. "Umm Edward … what exactly are we doing?" I asked as he hadn't said. "It's a surprise. But trust me you will love it. Now go," he said full of mischief dashing away. Rolling my eyes I went to my room and threw on some old jeans over his boxers not bothering to put on real underwear and my green 'Oregon' hoodie to match his t-shirt. I slipped my feet into an old pair of Chucks and made my way back out to the kitchen not bothering to look at my appearance. Not really caring what I looked like. Edward had seen me at my worst earlier; it was only uphill form there. Pfft … like he hasn't seen you throwing up from drinking too much or all bloated from your period. Oh, he has … but still. Edward was dressed in a matching sweatshirt and Chucks. I had to laugh and he started laughing when he saw me. Grabbing my hand, he led me not to the front door but the back. Curious? At the back door he paused to kiss my lips gently before eagerly saying, "Ready?" I really had no fucking idea as to what he wanted to do. It looked like a nice day so I didn't mind going outside. The backyard wasn't that exciting. Or not exciting enough to warrant this level of enthusiasm from him. I went through a mental inventory of the backyards contents. Though I hadn't been out there in a few weeks, so there could be something new out there that I didn't know about. Let's see … the grill? No, we just ate. Umm … the fire pit? Maybe?

The gazebo? No, he doesn't have any books with him. The fallen leaves? I don't think so. The … no? Yes? Then it hit me what we were going to be doing. And I did a little, okay a big happy dance in my head. If we were doing what I think we were doing he had been right on target as to what would cheer me up. Smiling at him I nodded that I was ready and opened the back door before he could, dragging him outside with me. Edward laughed at my eagerness before jogging ahead of me going to where I had hoped we were going. Grabbing a rope in each hand he said, "Hop on." And I did. I sat down in the swing that the guys had put up on the big maple tree in the backyard the summer we moved in four years ago. I hadn't been swinging on it since our annual 4th of July picnic. There was nothing as joyful and innocent as swinging to me. It was so freeing, moving through the air without a care in the world. Everything that was bothering you just floated away as the wind whipped by your head. Edward pulled the ropes back to get a good head start before letting go. I pumped my legs as he pushed on my back each time the swing came back to him. It reminded me of how I would beg them in elementary school to push me on the swings. They always did but never for as long as I wanted. Always wanting to go play G.I. Joe or some such boy nonsense instead of pushing me on the swing. Like you weren't playing G.I. Joe with them. True, but I would rather have been swinging. On my way back down I leaned back holding the ropes tightly so my head was thrown back. My hair trailed on the ground slightly but I could have cared less. I loved doing that, the rush of it. The feeling of flying. I saw Edward step out of the way as I swung back to him. He was smiling just as wide as I was. Happy just like I was. Digging my heels into the ground I stopped roughly. I hopped off running towards him, jumping on him and tackling him. He went down easily and a big "humph" came out of him as he landed on the ground. Sprawled out on top of him, I kissed all over his face while trying to hug him the best I could given our current position.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I said kissing him in between each 'thank you'. Sitting up on his chest I looked down at him. He was smiling and laughing at me. "Thank you, this was just what I needed," I said again lowering my lips to his, kissing him more forcefully than before. "You're welcome … but next time you don't hafta tackle me to the ground to show it, okay?" Edward said when I was done kissing him. Laughing at him I got up, holding out a hand to help him up. He took it standing himself up. Grabbing me around my waist he lifted me up and spun in circles till we both were dizzy and had tears of laughter. After my center of gravity returned I pulled him back over to the forgotten swing pushing him onto the seat. He looked at me like I was crazy when I climbed on his lap facing him, my legs hanging down the other side. I put my head on his chest and arms around his waist as he pushed off with his feet swinging us both. "Thank you," I mumbled into his chest. "For everything." I continued looking up as his face now. He looked down at me smiling and kissed my forehead. "No thanks necessary," he replied almost too soft for me to hear while swinging us higher and higher. I knew my reprieve from my problems would end soon. But right now Edward and I were together. Together like we were meant to be. Hopefully soon we could be together like this forever.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. Jasper

It was Thanksgiving and we were having a fuckmillion people over as always. Bella had been on a cleaning spree all damn week. Pestering and threatening Edward and I with no sex ever again if we didn't help her out. The people coming were mostly from the community center that Bella had volunteered and taken classes at since beginning college, a few of my co-workers from the bar, neighbors and some students in Edward's music program. We had a big Thanksgiving meal every year since moving into the house and it was kind of a tradition. It would be a parade of pussy past for me as I had managed to sleep with almost all the volunteers or students from the community center and a few of Edward's school friends. But we were all on good terms, though I had the feeling I was going to be propositioned for a few repeat performances today. Edward and Bella were in the kitchen cooking. I was absolutely inept in the kitchen, despite our mothers', my sister Rosalie's, and Bella's effort to help me learn. I had been relegated to set-up duty, which was fine with me. But it took me away from Bella and left me time to ponder our current situation. Which was not that great to be perfectly honest. Nineteen fucking days. Nineteen days of no sex. Almost three fucking weeks. I was going fucking nuts. This was the longest I had gone without sex since I started having it. It really couldn't be helped though. But that didn't mean I had to like it. Because I didn't, like it that is. I was fucking desperate to get me some. Bella's monthly had shown up the Monday after our date and when that torturous week was over she got a UTI. Which I learned was very common for women when they suddenly started having lots of sex. She blamed us for it and was a bit cranky and touchy on the subject. A bit being the understatement of the year. I wouldn't call her attitude bitchy for the sake of saving my balls, but close to it. She wasn't in any real pain, just uncomfortable. Or at least that is what she told Edward and me. She could have been lying though. The antibiotics they had her on made her birth control pills ineffective she said. And she didn't want to risk it even when I brought up condoms. So no sex it was. But she had assured us that soon we could take up our previous activities. I mean I understood where she was coming from, but a guy has needs. Not that I thought of her there just for my physical use. That was not the case, at all … well, not completely. Sex with Bella was the best. And I wanted to have sex with her. But more so I wanted to make love with her. After my realization that I was in love with her after our first date I just wanted to be with

her as much as possible. Be it hanging out with her or being with her that way. It just had not been in the cards lately. I knew that Edward was feeling the need too. But he wouldn't admit it. Mr. Goody Two Shoes was above such needs. Or so he pretended. But I knew better. He had to be hurting just as much as I was. Bastard. Asskissy Bastard. Edward had been super attentive to Bella the past couple of weeks. He thought he was being sly about it, but he wasn't. I saw what he was doing. The why was what I was having problems with? Why suddenly was he being all super duper nice and not the usual brooding ass he had been lately? What had changed? Changed between them I should say because he was still being his normal ass self to me. I didn't know what had changed or what I had done. What the fuck, man? I know, he's up to something. Well, that was a lie. I knew what I had done that might make his attitude towards me be not so cool. But he couldn't know about that, could he? I hadn't said anything to Edward about our date or my feelings for Bella. I wanted to wait until she reciprocated those feelings before going to Edward with it. I wasn't about to open a can of worms if I didn't have to. There had been a brief conversation that stuck out in my mind though. It was the Sunday after our date. I had told Bella that morning that I was in love with her. She looked shocked at first and then seemed to be accepting of my declaration. When I left I was giddy as a freaking schoolgirl. When I got home I found the two of them lounging in matching clothes playing 'Mario Kart', seemingly happy. When Bella saw me she offered me a weak smile. Before I could ask her about it she went to go make dinner. I took her place in the game; there was a definite tension in the air between Edward and me. For a quick minute I thought he might know about our date so I decided to tread lightly. But then he asked me what we had done the previous day. I was honest, telling him I took her to a fair, but didn't divulge the purpose of it. He made some remark about funnel cakes and the welfare of my shoes. Then asking me if anything else happened with an edge to his voice. I lied and told him no. I immediately felt the guilt of lying to him. I never lied to either of them. Ever. Edward dropped it and nothing else was said about it. But I had the feeling something had happened between them. Exactly what I didn't yet know. And he wasn't telling me either.

Which brings me back to Bella. She had yet to tell me she was in love with me, but I told her every chance I got. I was frustrated that she didn't feel the same yet, but I kept that little fact to myself. I was new to this whole in love thing. I really did like it though. As the days passed my feelings became stronger. Which was odd since we had not been out on another date and hadn't been together in a sexual way in almost three weeks. I guess it just proved it was love. As much as I wanted sex it was nice to just be. To have us just be together. Edward had been gone increasingly more and more over the past few weeks, leaving Bella and I alone together in the evenings. Most nights we would study at the kitchen table and watch a movie together afterward. It wasn't anything different than what we used to do all the time. But it felt like we were more of a couple than just two friends hanging out. I liked it. Edward and Bella laughed very loudly from the kitchen and it broke me out of my nonsensical memories. Curiosity got the better of me and I went to investigate. Also I was hoping to get in on the fun too. I missed us. The three of us. Bella was bent over at the waist laughing while Edward was leaning against the counter wiping tears from his eyes. "What's so funny?" I asked chuckling at the sight of the two of them. I couldn't help myself, their laughter was infectious. "It's stupid really. Edward said something that reminded me of something else…and I told him and it just snowballed from there," Bella said trying to catch her breath. "What?" I asked wanting them to her elaborate. "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours," Edward said with a straight face trying not to laugh and failing miserably. I got it now, what was so funny. The simple words brought back the memory and I started to laugh, which in turn made them laugh again. Those words had been spoken before. It was the summer between sixth and seventh grade. Edward's and mine birthdays had recently passed and we were twelve, Bella was still eleven. My older sister Rosalie was home from college for the summer and had brought her then boyfriend, now husband Emmett home to meet the family. Edward and I immediately took to Emmett. He was the epitome of all that was awesome to two pre-teen boys. He was big and burly and funny and just too fucking cool for words. It was almost hero worship and I still kind of felt that way about him almost thirteen years later. We followed them around all summer long, much to Rose's and his annoyance, Bella of course tagging along with us. Rose and Emmett had managed to ditch us and go off on their own somehow. But as the explorers we thought ourselves to be we set out to find them. And find them we did. There was a little creek in the woods behind my house and that is

where we found them. Found them in flagrante delicto as a matter of fact. Bella being Bella told Renee, which in turn got Rose and Em into trouble. And some new ground rules were set soon afterwards. Our mothers, yes all three of them and Rosalie had taken Bella aside for 'The Talk' after the incident. Edward's dad and the Chief had talked to him and me, as the Captain was out to sea like always. We were in the tree house in my backyard trying to coax information about her talk out of Bella. But she was not giving it up. She would only blush embarrassed, shake her head 'no' and look at the ground. Our mothers were in the house gossiping and drinking coffee and ignoring us for the most part. If they had been in the know to what Edward and I were up to we would have been in very big trouble. Bella's body was starting to change and I had begun taking notice. It was around this time that I finally realized there was a difference between us and Bella. It was hard to remember at the time that she was a girl and not one of us boys. No matter how much we begged and pleaded she would not say anything. Then Edward in a moment of pure genius blurted out, "We'll tell you our stuff, if you tell us yours." Bella thought it over for a minute before telling us all about periods and boobs and kissing and body hair and liking boys and all the other secret ancient wisdom bestowed upon girls at the edge of womanhood by the older generation. We then told her all about boners and wet dreams and chest and facial hair and shaving and treating a lady with respect. It was the concept of a hard-on that perplexed her the most. And Edward and I just having discovered this phenomenon ourselves tried to fill her in the best we could. "It really does that?" she had asked from under her lashes. "Yep," both Edward and I told her enthusiastically. "Like all the time?" "Ahh…no, just sometimes," Edward answered embarrassed now. "Is it right now?" she asked blushing redder than I had ever seen before. Edward and I looked at each other and then down at our laps before shaking our heads no. "Oh okay. I just kinda … err … wanted to see it," Bella responded. "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours," Edward said, his head tucked down shocked that he had even said it.

"Okay," Bella said in a light whisper. Edward and I just stared at her and then at each other shocked that she would agree so easily. We had seen naked women before in Playboy but never a real girl. And now we were going to see one. Bella had just started to get boobs and I couldn't believe our good fortune. So we lifted shirts and dropped pants and showed each other our bits and parts. Bella's only comment was that it was ugly and she never wanted to touch one. The tree house was still there. We had a lot of memories in that tree house. Bella and I had our first tongue kiss in it the next summer just wanting to see what all the fuss was about. I knew Bella and Edward had gotten drunk and made out, getting to second base when we were fifteen there. We had smoked our first stolen cigarettes and taken our first shots of tequila in it. We had spent the night in it after high school graduation and then again the night after we graduated undergrad. It was our own personal fortress of solitude of sorts. Nothing could hurt us there. I felt a pang of longing to pack the two of them into the car and drive us there right now. Thinking that maybe being in the tree house would make everything right and good between us again. Not that things were bad now, just different. And I didn't know if the different was a good or bad thing. We had been doing this … this thing for two months now. But could it go on much longer? With all the new feelings and everything else that was happening? Bella putting her hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts. "See, stupid," she said with a gleam in her eyes, genuinely smiling for the first time in weeks. Grabbing Bella around the waist I lifted her to where her face was level with mine. She squeaked at the suddenness of my movements, but put her arms around my neck enjoying the embrace all the same. "So Bella, I wouldn't mind a round of show you mine, show me yours right now," I said against her lips, barely kissing her. Edward came up behind her brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck, his hands running up and down her thighs. Bella let out a low moan while closing her eyes. "Bella baby, I could definitely go for a round of that too," Edward said into her neck while nipping up and down it. We were getting to her, I could tell when I felt her nipples harden against my chest. So I kissed her harder, licking her bottom lip before sucking it in between my own and nibbling on it.

Bella kissed me back, one of her hands going behind her into Edward's hair. Another low moan escaped her lips before she suddenly pulled away from my kiss and squirmed to get free. "As much as I would love to boys, we have thirty people coming in about an hour. So it will just have to wait till later. Sorry," she said as I released her. "Bella, you are no fun at all," I pouted. "Let's get through today and Fun Bella might just come out and play tonight. Deal?" she said looking between Edward and me. "Deal," both Edward and I replied sounding rather dejected. "Now go finish setting up so me and Lunkhead here can finish cooking," Bella said while shooing me out of the kitchen. I went back to setting up tables and chairs still horny, but now painfully hard. I finished setting up and went to change. By the time that I was done out guests had begun to arrive. Here come the ghosts of pussy past. My friends from the bar were the first to arrive. There were the other bartenders Bekah, Kasey and Stephie. All of whom I had had the pleasure of indulging in at one time or another. Kasey in particularly liked it a little rough. And that was fine by me. They were joined by their boyfriends and husbands and the owner of the bar Laurent. I played the good host, taking coats, getting drinks and making small talk while Edward and Bella finished up in the kitchen. As much as I was internally grumbling, I really did like these gatherings. We had this one on Thanksgiving and an even bigger rowdier blowout on the Fourth of July. Next to arrive were school friends of Edward's: Gemma, Jo and Tallulah. Again, all past conquests of mine and if my suspicions were correct, past conquests of Edward's as well. At least that was the vibe I had gotten. I made introductions all around. Bella and Edward brought out canapés for everyone to munch on until all of the guests arrived. The conversations flowed easily and intermixed amongst the groups. I got up periodically to welcome newcomers. Isabel and Natasha, or Izzy and Tash arrived together. They were a couple but I had partaken in each and actually both in the past. Bella knew them from the community center, as did I as I coached the youth baseball team in the spring. Miya, Steph and their husbands and kids were next to arrive. I set up the 'Wii' for the kids to play and played a couple of games with them. Again we knew them from the community

center. Bri the photography instructor and Nina the writing workshop instructor came next. Followed by Emily the health and wellness officer and Emmy the centers child psychologist. And yes I had slept with all of them. Our neighbors Kathy and Filiz and their families arrived last, bringing desserts with them. Everyone was introduced that didn't know each other, drinks were drunk, food was eaten, thanks were given and a good time was had by all. I played with the kids, laughed with the ladies, talked sports with the guys and dodged a few advances. As tempting as the offers were I knew I couldn't and more importantly and surprisingly didn't want to. It had been easy to give up the trim when we started this thing. But now I didn't want anyone but Bella. And that make me extremely happy. I felt like I was growing up and being an adult for the first time in my life. All in all it was an excellent day. But my mind keep wandering to what would hopefully happen after the guests left and the party was cleaned up. Edward and I had been good, very good in fact and I hoped Bella would keep her end of the deal. Kids started to get tired and some of the families had already left. The day was winding down and I was anxious for our guests to leave but still enjoying their company and conversation. I was outside at the fire pit drinking a beer with the few remaining guys and Edward; we were talking about this year's NFL season and the Giants chance at a repeat Super Bowl appearance. I heard the doorbell ring but thought nothing of it till I heard a squeal and laugh from Bella inside. Then I remembered Bella mentioning a new girl down at the center that she liked and had struck up a friendship with. That she was possibly coming today. This must be that girl. It was good for Bella to have a female friend. I was happy for her. Besides Rosalie she really didn't have any close girlfriends. She needed the estrogen to combat all the testosterone she got at home. I went back to the football conversation and didn't think of it again until I heard Bella call my and Edward's names. We both turned towards her voice as she came out the open back door dragging someone behind her. Bella stopped in front of us bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet excitedly. I had not seen her this happy in a long ass time. She was even happier than when I got her the damned funnel cake. "Edward, Jasper, this is my friend Alice. Alice, these are my two best friends Jasper and Edward," Bella said with joy in her voice. She really was happy and that in turn made me happy.

My gaze moved from Bella to finally see this Alice that had her all atwitter. Oh. My. Holy. Fucking. Christ. This is not good. Not good at all. I had thought that Bella was the pinnacle for all female beauty. I was wrong. So very fucking wrong. Alice … this Alice was the most stunningly gorgeous creature I had ever beheld. She was looking and talking to Edward as I took her in. Alice was tiny, almost childlike, but definitely all women. I had to have had a good foot on her at least. Her inky black midnight hair was cut short in a pixie cut that just enhanced her elfin features. The skin of her face was luminous and seemed to give off a subtle glow. She wasn't tan or overly pale either. Her facial features were delicate yet strong in their expressions. Moving down her body I saw that her at first glance delicate frame was in fact toned and sinuous. She had to work out or be really active to have a body like that. Her hips were slim but curvy, the same for her perky breasts that I spied through the thin cotton of her shirt. Alice really was the most beautiful women I had ever seen in real life or fantasy. I never would have gone for her type, until recently preferring blonds with hot bods. But here I was already enamored with her. And in deep fucking shit. This cannot be happening. Please God do not let this be happening. Alice turned her attention from Edward to me snapping out of my commiseration of the situation. "Jasper, so nice to finally meet you. Bella has told me so much about the both of you," she said her eyes dancing with delight and her voice stroking something within me, something primal. I was too stunned by her eyes and their penetrating gaze to speak at first. Alice's eyes were a shade of blue I had never seen before. They were almost violet in color with flecks of gold around the edges. Internally shaking my head I focused on not looking like a complete idiot in front of this woman. Who it seemed came out of nowhere to wreck havoc and ruin upon my life. "Alice, nice to meet you too, and all good things I hope," I said in as calm and cool of a voice as I could manage.

I gripped my beer tighter and kept my other hand firmly in the pocket of my pants, not wanting to shake her hand or touch her. Because if I touched her, then she would be real. And right now the last thing I needed was for her to be real. "Yes … ah, all good things," Alice said her voice once again stirring something within me as her eyes gazed into mine perplexed by my cool behavior. "Well Alice, there are some other people I want you to meet," Bella interjected looking at me with scorn for my attitude towards her friend while grabbing Alice's hand, tugging her along. "Ah, okay," Alice shrugged and followed Bella. But she looked back over her shoulder at me as she went. Seeming to gaze into my very soul like no one else ever had. I am so completely fucked.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "One I wished I never played Oh what a mess we made And now the final frame Love is a losing game" Love is a Losing Game-Amy Winehouse Bella I am going to kill them. But after the gathering today, right? Yeah, yeah. I need their help cleaning up. Stupid boys. I know, right? I shook off the inane conversation I was having with myself. I had been doing that a lot

lately, arguing or talking to myself in my head. Not that it was an uncommon thing, it had just been happening more frequently. I came to the conclusion that I was basically insane and that I was in desperate need of someone to talk to. I went back to my previous task of cooking dinner for the party we were having, Edward helping me the best he could. This is nice … cooking or being with him like this. Yeah, nice. That is, before Jazz came in here and they got you all worked up. Yeah, stupid boys and their stupid being all sexy and smelling good and wanting the sex. Can you blame them though? No, not really. But… But, what? You want it just as bad as they do. Admit it. Yeah, I do. But… Yeah, that's what I thought. Oh, shut it. You do realize that you are telling yourself to shut it, right? Yes, now really shut it. I'm not gonna argue with you … er … myself anymore. Keep telling yourself that honey. Arghhh… Okay, this really had to stop now. It was getting to the point that I was questioning my sanity and wondering if I should check myself in for psychiatric evaluation. I mean, it's not like I didn't think other people talked to themselves in their heads, but come on, the voice in my head was getting pushier and pushier and snarkier and snarkier. I didn't like it, at all. Since I had come to realize that I would only ever love Edward and couldn't continue to … I guess pretend with Jasper, I was an utter mess. Three weeks later and I still hadn't figured out what I was going to do about the whole Jasper situation. I mean, he told me he loved me, was in love with me. How was I supposed to act and respond to a declaration like that knowing that I would never feel the same way? I really didn't know. Thankfully or unthankfully, my period showed up the day after his declaration, followed right after by the mother of all UTIs. I mean, that shit was painful, but it took sex off the table until the antibiotics were out of my system. I knew I couldn't be with Jasper one on one anymore, and that didn't bother me that much. I knew that I was giving it up for something so much better when I finally told Edward my feelings. As far as group

activities, I viewed that as just sex. So with that thinking, I could be with them both together. At least I thought I could. And if I could do that, it wouldn't alert Jasper to anything being amiss … yet. The no sex thing gave me time to come up with a plan to deal with the Jasper Dilemma as I had taken to calling it. Not that I had actually come up with a plan yet. Planning and organization was Jasper's thing, not mine. Yep, a whole lotta nothing. You're on the ball there. Grrr…I know, trust me I know. And now they know you're all free and clear to have the sex again. Ugh. Please, don't remind me. So whatcha gonna do? Hmmm? Or should I say 'who you gonna do'? Please, can't you just leave me alone? I need one day without you fucking pestering me. Whatever. This is shit you need to figure the fuck out. That's why I'm here, pestering you. Duh. Yeah and fat lot of fucking good you're doing me, except annoying the fuck out of me. Hey it's your subconscious not mine. Well, you know what I mean. I stopped listening to the annoying voice in my head, instead focusing on making sure everything was getting done that needed to get done for the party later. I used to be so good at pushing stuff to the side and not thinking about it, but not anymore. Now I just couldn't push it aside. Things were building to something really fucking big and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I had been ignoring how I felt about Edward for nine fucking years and I had a feeling that it was about to explode. On top of all that, I had the Jasper Dilemma to contend with as well. I desperately needed someone to talk to, someone that wasn't the voice in my head. The person I usually talked to, Jasper, was the source of my problem so that was out. And honestly, no matter how many times the guys told me what we did was right and nothing to be ashamed of, I was ashamed of it. Not wanting to tell anyone my or our secret arrangement left very few people I could actually talk to. I had debated talking to a shrink, but I didn't think that would help. I needed someone who knew me to tell me what to do or what they thought of the situation and I couldn't talk to about this with the two people that knew me best. See my dilemma in addition to the Jasper dilemma? Bah, it sucked to be me right now. There was someone I had met recently that I thought maybe one day I could confide in, but for right now I didn't think we were that close. Alice was like a breath of fresh air in the

heavy atmosphere that was my life. We met at the community center; she was there to volunteer and sign up for a workshop. Alice was a few years younger than me, just twenty-one. She had transferred here from somewhere in Mississippi at the beginning of the school year. She knew no one and wasn't into the whole college party scene, so she decided to go to the community center to get out and socialize a bit. Alice was spunky and witty and sarcastic and honest and intelligent and wouldn't take any shit from anyone. She was strong, where I felt weak. She was light and carefree, where I was bogged down with an impossible situation. She was my opposite in every way and we immediately hit it off. I wasn't at the point where I felt I could burden her with my problems, but she was the girlfriend I now knew I was so desperately in need of. Before Alice, I had the boys and I thought they were all I would ever need. Being a tomboy, hanging out with girls just wasn't that interesting to me. But now, now I saw what I had been missing. What having a female to talk to, to confide in, to just be a girl around would be like. I had fun with Alice and that surprised me. We had only met a couple times for coffee over the past couple of weeks but it had been fun. With her, the weight of my predicament faded away and I could just be. She was coming over today so I could introduce her to my guys. I hoped that they would take to her as I had. I wasn't trying to replace them, but fill something that had been missing even though I never realized it. Alice filled a place in me and maybe she would do the same for my boys. A place not filled with confusing and conflicting and complicated emotions and feelings. I knew I didn't want her to become part of or privy to our arrangement, that was between the three of us. But maybe it would do us all some good to have someone else around for awhile. "Ah, Bella," Edward said shaking my shoulder breaking me out of my musings. "Hmm," I replied still partially in my head. "Umm, I think those potatoes are mashed sweetheart," Edward said taking the potato masher out of my hands and chuckling. This fully snapped me out of my reverie and I looked down at the bowl in front of me. I now had almost potato soup instead of the mashed potatoes I was working on. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I had over mashed the potatoes. My thoughts were ever circling, never ending. Bah… Great. Just. Fucking. Great. "Oh, fuck," I gasped calculating if we had anymore potatoes and enough time to prepare them. And we didn't. "Fuckity, fuck, fuck."

"Keep saying fuck and I will have to do just that, my sweet Bella," Edward said lowly into my ear, his warm breath and tone sending chills through my system. "Edward," I sighed leaning back against him, wanting it to happen and yet wanting it not to happen. "I know baby, soon. I promise," he said squeezing my hips with his hands and pecking me on my temple with his lips, before taking the bowl in front of me to dispose of the ruined potatoes. They had been so patient these last few weeks. I knew that they were both strung out with sexual need, just as I was. We had been going at each other for two months now and the sudden drought had all of us hurting. But Edward hadn't pressed or whined, unlike Jasper, who was hornier than I had ever seen him. He didn't pressure me, only suggesting alternatives to actual sex, which I had quickly shot down. If I wasn't getting off, neither were they. It only seemed fair. Earlier, Edward and I had been making the sweet potatoes, putting the mini-marshmallows on top. Making it a contest of sorts, we each took a side making a picture with the marshmallows. When we were done he had said to me, 'show you mine if you show me yours' which started the laughing, both of us remembering the incident from our youth. The laughter brought Jasper running, then they both ganged up on me, turning me on and leaving me frazzled and frustrated. I was going to keep my promise of later to them; I needed it just as much as they did. "So no mashed potatoes then?" Edward asked with a sly smirk on his face. I wanted to lick it off of him. "I guess not, but we have enough to feed everyone and then some." "Well it looks like everything is done or in the oven. Why don't you go get ready honey," he said to me, kissing me on my forehead. I merely nodded, leaving the kitchen for my bedroom as he suggested. As I was getting ready, I thought back to the odd behavior that Edward had been displaying since the shower incident. The shower where I broke down because Jasper told me he loved me and I couldn't handle it and then Edward came and rescued me, making it better like he always does. Edward had been acting … weird since then. Well, not weird per se, more … odd maybe. I couldn't really label it. He was being more affectionate, but not in a sexual way. He had taken to calling me 'Honey' or 'Baby' or 'Sweetheart' or 'My Bella'. Not that I was complaining, mind you. It was just unexpected and caught me off guard. Those were terms of endearment that you used with a girlfriend, not with your best friend. You like it and you know it.

I do, but… But what? Isn't this what you wanted? Him being with you like that? Yeah, but still. Again, but what? I don't know, it seems … false. False? Like how? Like he's taking pity on me, being that way because he thinks it makes me feel better. Even though it doesn't. You have serious issues. You know that, right? Can't you just enjoy it and not over analyze the why? I'm trying to, but… Guh, you're hopeless. It wasn't only the terms of endearment, but other things as well. Little things like bringing me my morning coffee and breakfast in bed, putting notes in my bag to remind me of things he knew I would forget, cooking dinner on the nights he was actually home, leaving notes on the mirror in the bathroom, cuddling with me on the couch or in bed even though he knew he wasn't getting any, brushing my hair, and other little inconsequential things that separately wouldn't have been a big deal. But put together, added up to a very big deal. It was almost as if he was courting me. I refused to give myself that sense of false hope, that it was what he was actually doing before I had things settled with Jasper. Ahh … Jasper. Now there was another conundrum that needed thought. Jasper had been just as attentive to me since his declaration, but not as obvious about it as Edward. He told me every chance that he could that he loved me, as if he was trying to make me feel it through his words, because he couldn't tell me through his actions. He was tentative in his affections, like he was unsure of how to love someone, and that right there made it even worse. Jasper didn't know how to love someone. He was trying so damn hard to be what he thought that person would be. I tried to show him to the best of my ability without giving him a sense of hope or that I might one day return his feelings, but at the same time, I couldn't reject him either. I had to play along, show him what it was to love someone, in hopes that one day he would find someone to love like that, someone that wasn't me. My heart was already taken. It was a very slippery slope that I was skating on. I constantly worried that I was doing more harm than good. That I should just tell him that I would never love him like that. Was

I doing the right thing? Or would I just destroy him in the process? I couldn't rethink my decision now, I had started down this path and I couldn't veer off of it. I wasn't overly affectionate with him, but I smiled my Jasper smile when he said the words and didn't shy away from his touches and hugs, but I didn't encourage them either. I was a terrible person for doing what I was doing. I knew this; it made me hate myself a bit more. I didn't see an endgame to my Jasper Dilemma and that is what scared me most of all. How was I going to resolve this without him hating me or losing or ruining our friendship in the process? I don't see a way of it not turning out like that. But … but there has to be some way. There just has to. I can't lose him. Maybe you are going to have to. Maybe it will be for the best. NO! I have to have Jasper in my life. It's not negotiable. Now you're just being selfish. Yeah … and? Just saying. I was in the bathroom putting on my make-up, when Edward walked in, startling me. He jumped and snickered a bit at seeing me there, putting on make-up of all things. We were having people over and I wanted to make a good impression. This was only our second social outing since our arrangement started and the first one had not gone so well. Hopefully this one would go better? Adding to the stress was the fact that Jasper had slept with just about every female that was coming over today. I felt possessive over Jasper now, like he was mine. I had no sane right to feel that way, but I did. I didn't want him that way, but it bothered me somehow that he had shared himself with all of them. It made what we did or had less special somehow. And even if I wasn't in love with him, what we did was special. At least to me it was. You're being very selfish and petty. Yes, I know. I hate it, but how could he share himself with those women and still have it be special with me? He did, this is true. But you don't want him romantically or sexually for that matter. Again, I know. It's not rational or makes any kind of sense, but it's the way I feel. You need help. I am beginning to think so myself.

Edward clearing his throat brought me out of my musings; I had completely forgotten that he was there. I stared at his refection in the mirror as he looked at mine. I quirked an eyebrow at him in a 'what?' gesture. "Are you okay? You seem to be spacing out more than usual today," Edward asked leaning back against the doorframe, still looking at my reflection and not me. "I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind, I guess," I trailed off as I applied mascara to my lashes. "Did you need something or is me putting on make-up that fascinating?" "Well no, not really. Though, the fact that you're putting on make-up has me curious and intrigued. I have to pee and you're in my bathroom." "Well for starters it's our bathroom and don't let me stop ya," I stated wave my hand indicating he should 'go right on ahead', before going back to my make-up. He sighed loudly, rolling his eyes at the same time before saying "Bella, I really have to pee. Could you leave or something?" I was shocked and surprised by his statement, so I turned to him. Crossing my arms over my chest, I looked at him finally and not his reflection in the mirror. "Edward, are you saying that you can't pee in front of me? I've known you twenty years, no need to get all shy on me now. Seriously, I've seen you naked on several occasions. Trust me, it's not going to bother me or gross me out. The mystery is gone. Go use the guest bathroom if you have to pee so badly and it bothers you that much," I said rolling my eyes this time, before turning back to the mirror. Edward came up behind me, pressing my pelvis into the counter's edge as his body pressed into my back. Fisting my hair lightly, he pulled my head to the side, exposing the length of my neck to him. His other arm wrapped around my body, hand palming and squeezing my breast. His eyes locked on mine in the mirror, trapping me with his gaze as he lowered his mouth to my neck. It was so feral, so primal and I couldn't look away. "Oh my lovely Bella, I have a secret or two you don't know, and other such things I've yet to show you. Even after almost twenty years you're still a mystery to me. A mystery I intend to fully explore and uncover," Edward said looking at me through his lashes, ours eyes still locked. He ghosted his lips up and down my neck, not fully touching them to my skin yet. Using only the fingertips of the hand on my breast, Edward slowly moved them up to my nipple, capturing it with the pads of all five digits. My nipple hardened at the unusual touch as his fingertips twisted the nub between them. My head fell back onto his shoulder, our eyes still entrapped with each others. It was so erotic, watching him do these things to me. I wanted to explore this further and with much less clothing. Just the thought had the coil tightening in my belly, but we had company that

was probably already here. Edward knew what he was doing. He was pushing me to the edge, but not throwing me off of it. He knew we didn't have time to complete this game of his. I hated and loved him for it. Fucking. Tease. And then abruptly he was gone, turning around to face the toilet. I heard him lift the lid and the sound of his zipper. "Edward, you … you," I gaped at his back in the mirror. He merely shrugged before saying "I have to pee and I'm not gonna use the guest bathroom as people are already here and it would take me fifteen minutes to navigate through the welcomes to get there. Besides, you said it was okay." I wasn't annoyed with him peeing in front of me; I was annoyed at him for stirring my lust and then leaving me hanging. "Whatever, fucking tease," I huffed, before leaving the bathroom. As I was closing the door I heard him chuckle and call out to me, "that may be true, but you fucking love it and you know it." Being the mature responsible adult that I was I looked over my shoulder and stuck out my tongue at him. I could hear his laughter through the bathroom door and I couldn't help but join in quietly. Yeah, today's gonna be a long day. You can say that again sister. "Always when we fight I kiss you once or twice And everything's forgotten I know you hate that It was always You and me always " You and Me Song-The Wannadies Edward I could hear Bella trying not to laugh on the other side of the door. She couldn't be too mad at me if she was laughing. I knew it was wrong to tease her like that, but I couldn't help myself. She had me enraptured in every way possible with everything that she did and I simply wanted her. Wanted all of her. Forever.

Not that this thought or feeling was anything new, but it was becoming more and more difficult to hide it. And really, I hadn't been hiding it lately, I had been letting it show. Ever since I found her on the floor of the shower so distraught that it broke my heart just to look at her. Since then I had stepped up my game. Not that loving Bella or being in love with Bella was a game. Cause it wasn't. But my grand gesture to tell her my feelings was finally only two weeks away. I was prepping her for it. Building up to it, so it didn't come out of left field. I felt like I was being so obvious about it, wondering how she couldn't know or tell how I felt about her. My heart was on my sleeve to do with as she chose. It was hers forever if she wanted it or not. There was no going back for me. Not now, not ever. Though there was one thing I needed to do before I told Bella, and I really didn't want to do it. I had been holding off doing this for 3 weeks now and time was of the essence. I needed to talk to Jasper about my plan and my feelings. This affected him just as much as Bella and I. I had been holding off because I knew that he wasn't going to take the news well. It would mean an end to our arrangement and a change in the dynamic of our relationship, all of our relationship. But that dynamic had been changed the moment Bella kissed me and I kissed her back. I now knew we had been fooling ourselves if we thought that we could just have sex with each other and have everything remain the way it had been. Because, I went into it knowing I was in love with her, only agreeing to it so I could have her in any way that she would give me. But now, now I wanted all of her. It may have been wrong of me to change it now, but I had to do what I had to do. I had to have Bella as mine and only mine. I would probably lose Jasper's friendship in the process, but in the end I hoped it would be worth it and that after some time, Jasper would see that this was the way it was meant to be. I'm not gonna lie and say that losing Jasper's friendship wasn't going to kill me, it was. It had always been the three of us as equal partners, and I wanted to exclude him from part of that. Strip him of his right to Bella in that way. Claim her heart as mine. But, it was worth it, right? Worth losing a third of myself to make me complete in all that I would gain. Though it was possible that Bella didn't or couldn't feel the same way and then I would lose everything that I held dear to me. The both of them gone, leaving me all alone. That thought was too depressing and inconceivable to even think about. So I didn't, couldn't let myself think of it. That would be the worst possible outcome of all. That just can't happen. It's possible… No, I won't let it. Okay, how are you going to stop it oh wise one?

Umm…I don't know. Yeah, that's what I thought. But what if I was too late? What if she had already given her heart to Jasper? I didn't think I was, but I still had my doubts. I had seen them that morning, wrapped around each other so tight. Later, when I had seen her in the shower, it made no sense. I had watched them together since then, and I saw him being more affectionate with her. She would return the affection in kind, but would never initiate it, never seek him out like she sought me out. So that little fact gave me some hope. I planned on talking to him today after everybody left, but with the promise of possible sex, maybe tonight wasn't the right time. God, did I need to be with Bella. The last three weeks had been torture, but it had also been good for us. To take a break from the sex, get some perspective on the whole situation. I know that it had helped me, but also it allowed me to show Bella through something other than sex and the actual words that I loved her. I heard laughter from the living room and went to join the party already in process. I loved these gatherings, having all of our friends over. It would be hard not to be they way I had been with Bella in front of everyone, but it was good for us to get out of ourselves and to be around other people. Bella had also invited her new friend Alice over. Bella had been talking about Alice non-stop for the past two weeks. I was excited for her, she needed a female in her life. Our mothers and Rosalie were not the kind of friend that she needed right now. She needed someone that hadn't known her her whole life. Hopefully this Alice was just what she needed. I had heard all about her and was honestly curious about the girl that had Bella so excited. It had been a long time since I had seen that sparkle in her eyes. The day progressed nicely; we ate, laughed, talked and had a really good time. The party was winding down, me and a few of the guys were outside at the fire pit talking football when I heard the doorbell and a squeal. I knew that meant that the elusive Alice had finally shown up. I felt excited to meet her. Bella called us and I turned to catch my first glimpse at this Alice. She was small, tiny even, but not delicate. That much I could see. "Edward, Jasper, this is my friend Alice. Alice, these are my two best friends Jasper and Edward," Bella introduced us excitedly. I could tell that this meeting meant a lot to her, so I put on my best smile and held out my hand to shake Alice's. Her hand was dwarfed by mine but her grip was strong and sure. I liked her already. "Alice, so glad to finally meet you. Bella has been going on and on about this new friend of hers. I haven't seen her this excited in a long ass time," I said winking at Bella.

Bella blushed as I knew she would. It was just her way. "Well, Eddie the feeling is mutual. It's so nice to meet you as well. Bella has told me all about you and Jasper," Alice said. "Eddie, hmm … awfully familiar there aren't ya. And all about us…I'm sure you were bored out of your mind," I replied arching an eyebrow. "Yeah, Eddie, got a problem with that?" Alice asked winking at me. I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up within me. This woman was feisty and didn't take any crap from anyone. I could see why Bella liked her so much. "Well, Ali I only let these two call me Eddie," I motioned with my beer bottle to Jasper and Bella. "But I guess I will let it slide this time. So, Bella tells me you just transferred here. What are you studying?" "Yep, I just moved here from Mississippi. I needed a break from the heat and humidity, though it looks like I didn't leave the humidity behind. I'm studying business, for now. I'm not really sure what I want to study yet. That's what college is for right, figuring things out? Bella tells me you are working on your masters in music, is it performance or theory and comp?" Alice asked me genuinely interested and that delighted me. I felt myself becoming beholden to this little person, this Alice. Not in a sexual way, but in the way that she seemed to be fulfilling something that neither Jasper and I could fulfill in Bella's life, no matter how hard we tried. I was thankful for her sudden appearance in our lives. "Theory and comp. Not quite sure what I'm going to do with it though. But, it's what I love so…" "I would love to hear you play sometime. I couldn't help but notice the piano in the living room, maybe later on…" Alice asked, pleading with puppy dog eyes. Oh, she's good. Yeah she is, unlike Bella, she has mastered her womanly ways. "Ahh…" I hedged suddenly embarrassed, but thankfully Bella interjected and saved me. "Actually, Edward is working on some super secret piece that he won't share with anyone. Not even me," Bella said, punching me in the arm lightly. "He's debuting it at the winter recital in two weeks, you should come?" "Really? A super secret piece huh? Now I'm all kinds of curious. Count me in?" Alice said looking between Bella and me.

Her attention then turned to Jasper, who had been silent during our exchange. I looked at Jazz, immediately noticing his tense posture, furrowed brow and clenched jaw. Something was very wrong with him right now. He looked at Alice with such … almost … loathing it seemed. I had no idea where his cool and almost mean attitude towards her was coming from. It didn't make any sense. He couldn't have slept with Alice, she just got here and we had been monogamous with each other since almost the beginning of the school year. Unless he had cheated, but I highly doubted that. It wasn't in his nature. Umm dude, he was a slut before this. No, he got around. But only one woman at a time. Are you sure? Yes, yes he would never hurt Bella like that. It seemed Bella was just as perplexed at Jasper's odd behavior as I was. She quickly excused herself and Alice with the excuse of wanting her to meet other people. I saw the look of hurt on Bella's face, and Jasper was the one who put it there. Grabbing Jasper's arm, I pulled him away so we could talk privately. "What the fuck was that all about man?" I asked, my brows furrowed in confusion and my anger barely held back. "Eddie …" he sighed out, not looking at me in the eye. "Don't fucking Eddie me Jazz," I spat out in contempt before continuing. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Alice is important to Bella, therefore she is important to us. You get me? Bella is so happy to have someone like Alice in her life, she needs someone like Alice. If you ruin it for her by being a fucking bastard, so help me God Jasper…" I trailed off not yet ready to finish that sentence. He sighed before finally raising his eyes to mine. There was a look of anguish in them. Something was seriously wrong; he looked like he was warring with himself. God, I hated seeing him like that. He was my friend, my best friend and in many ways my brother. Putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing, I said in a comforting but questioning tone, "Jasper, man what's wrong? You can tell me, ya know." "Edward, I can't, not right now at least. I promise that I won't act that way towards Alice again. I just … I think I just need to be alone for a bit," Jasper said defeated. "Jazz, whatever it is, I wanna help. Just tell me man," I pleaded with him. I couldn't stand to see him so upset.

"Edward, I will. But first I have to get it settled in my head, okay?" "Is it Alice? Do you know her? I'm just trying to understand here." "Please Edward. Please just drop it for now. I'm begging you," he said his voice and eyes harder. "Okay man, it's dropped. But you will tell me, got it?" I said, my tone harsh but not mean. Jasper merely nodded before walking into the house and I presume to his bedroom to work out whatever was going on with him. I wasn't any closer than I was before our conversation to figuring it out. He would let me know when he was ready, though it hurt me that he couldn't or wouldn't let me help him. I felt the distance that had been growing between us the last two months widen even further. Hopefully we could bridge the gap or close the distance somehow, someday. The party began to die down after that. I started to clean up as Bella said goodbye to the last couple of stragglers. Jasper had yet to reappear. I knew something was up with him, but decided to just let him be for now, and that definitely put a crimp in my whole telling him I was in love with Bella plan. I didn't think that it was a good time, but I needed to talk to him. Shit, this was just an impossible situation all around. As I was doing the dishes I glanced out the window and saw Jasper and Bella sitting in the gazebo talking. It didn't look like they were arguing. In fact, from their facial expressions, it looked like Jasper was apologizing to Bella, and she was taking it well, if not great. Not wanting to intrude on their private moment I went back to my task at hand, losing myself in all the thoughts swimming around in my head. A pair of warm arms wrapping around my middle from behind brought me out of my thoughts. Bella leaned her cheek against my back, squeezing me in a hug. I felt her relax around me and into my back, letting out a deep sigh. Patting her hands at my front with my own I asked "Tired?" I felt her nod, before squeezing me again. I chuckled at the simple but sweet gesture. Jasper came into the kitchen and perched on the counter next to the sink. Looking up at him I mouth 'you okay', he nodded before a mischievous twinkle crossed his eyes. Oh shit, whatever it is, it's gonna be really fucking good or really fucking bad. Hopping off the counter, Jasper went behind Bella and I, wrapping us both in his arms and squeezing us to death. Or at least it felt like that. "Fuck! Jazz, knock that shit off," I grunted out while grabbing the sprayer from the faucet and spraying him and Bella with water.

They both squeaked and shouted, jumping back from me. Quickly turning around, I aimed at the both of them and let them have it, laughing the entire time. They tried to hide behind each other, but it was useless. They were completely soaked and so was the kitchen by the time I stopped. Jasper and Bella looked at each other and then back to me, malicious but lighthearted intent in their eyes. Stalking towards me, I backed into the counter as far as I could. This was not going to end well for me, I could already tell. Bella, being Bella, slipped on the wet floor. I scrambled to catch her before she landed and almost caught her. I ended up saving her head from hitting the hardwood floor, but landed on top of her. We both let out loud 'oumph's' as we connected to the ground. "You okay?" I asked as I shifted my weight off of her. Bella nodded that she was and then a wicked grin plastered itself on her face as she looked over my shoulder. A second later I was doused with cold water from the sprayer I had just abandoned. Rolling over onto my back I grabbed Bella and used her as a shield against the icy spray. "Edward you asshole!" she squealed as the water hit her instead of me. I couldn't help but laugh again as she squirmed in my lap trying to get away, but her squirming did something else to my body and I was hard in an instant. All the lust and want that I had been suppressing for almost three weeks came to the surface. I needed her, I needed her now. Bella felt it and proceeded to grind herself against me, causing me to moan. Grabbing her hips, I stilled her movements as best I could, while moving my hips against her. Bella's head fell back against my shoulder and I barely noticed that the water had turned off. My lips attacked her throat, nipping and sucking as my hands journeyed up her stomach to her tits. I felt her nipples harden under my palms, be it from the cold water or my touch I didn't know. She was mewling, rocking back against me, trying to create friction. Suddenly she was gone, pulled up by Jasper. He attacked her mouth and palmed her ass. Standing up, I pressed into her back, my hands snaking around her front to cup her tits again. We were a tangle of limbs, hands and mouths as we quickly undressed each other. We needed this, it had been so long. Even though it still killed me to share her with him, I knew that the three of us were needed in this instance. When we were all finally naked, our wet clothes having been discarded all over the floor of the kitchen, Bella slapped the countertop. "Hop on up Edward," she purred taking my cock into her hands, pumping its length slowly. Not one to refuse a lady, I hopped up, sitting on the very edge. Once I was seated, Bella

grabbed my neck and pulled me down as she went on her tippy toes. Our lips and tongues connected. Sparks flying off of each other, as our tongues caressed each other. God, how I've missed this. I could spend the rest of my days simply kissing Bella. If nothing else, this was heaven. Don't get me wrong I loved all the other stuff, but kissing her was unlike anything else I had ever experienced. Bella moaned into my mouth. Her hips moved and I saw that Jasper was sitting on the floor between my legs, up against the cabinet, loving Bella with his mouth. Her mouth detached from mine and moved to my neck and shoulder, as one hand slipped from my neck to circle my dick again. She pumped me in time with Jasper's ministrations. Her moaning got louder and heavier the closer she got to her release. I knew it wouldn't be long before she had the first of hopefully many orgasms. Her knees weakened, letting go of my cock she braced her hands on the countertop trying to hold herself up. I took her hips in my hands, helping her stand as Jasper brought her closer and closer. "That's it Baby, cum for us," I said into her hair as she continued to mewl and moan against my neck. Now that I was holding her up, one of her hands went to Jasper's hair, pushing him into her further. She was so close. Her head fell back, back arched away from me, mouth open as she fell off the edge panting mine and Jasper's names. It was truly a sight to behold. She never looked lovelier than when she was cumming. She collapsed against me and I lifted her up against me as the aftershocks of her orgasm flowed through her. Jasper stood up, rubbing her back, a shit eating grin of accomplishment on his face. I couldn't help but grin back; he had done a good job and he knew it. Once she had finally come back down from what I can only assume was a mind-bending orgasm, she slipped from my grasp to stand between my legs. Her mouth, now level with my chest started to suck and nip across my pecs, from nipple to nipple. It was a light touch but filled with all the desire and lust that she was feeling. Bella's fingertips trailed lightly up and down the length of my cock, teasing me. I guess I deserved it after my little stunt earlier in the bathroom. That's okay, I knew I would get off…eventually. Right now was about being with her, not getting off; connecting with her on a physical level, something that we had missed in the last couple of weeks. Hissing when she bit down on one of my nipples, I clutched her hair in my hands. Pulling her towards me, while wanting to push away at the same time. It was almost too much. My body was alight with the sizzles and sparks of need and lust. I could almost see the electricity between us. There was only the primal need to take and claim, but I pushed it down and let her lead this show.

Moving down my chest, her tongue left a trail of fire down to my groin and centered on my cock. Looking up at me through half-lidded eyes she licked the flat of her tongue up my length, flicking my head with the tip when she reached the top. It was one of the most erotic things I had ever seen and I almost blew my load then and there. Instead I hissed, brushing the hair out of her face so I could watch the phenomenal blow job I was about to receive. I knew it would be phenomenal, it had to be. I was too turned on and far too gone for it to be anything but. Still looking up at me, she took my entire length into her mouth, her nose brushing my pubic hair. "Jesus, Bella," I growled out, gripping her hair tighter in my fists. She released me with a slurp and pumped my cock with her tiny hand. Looking at me wantonly like a sex kitten from my wildest, wettest dreams she said, "You like that, Edward?" I could only nod, biting my lip. I tried everything in my power to prolong this, it wasn't going to take me long, I knew this as fact. Bella lowered her mouth to me once again. Guiding her lightly with my hand in her hair, I focused solely on her lips and tongue on me and the sight before my eyes. My cock gliding in out of her mouth was almost as good as watching it slip in and out of her pussy. Almost. Bella moaned around me, but I didn't think it was from what she was doing. Looking up, I saw Jasper positioned behind her. He slipped into her smoothly, burying himself fully within her. He started a slow, easy rhythm that matched Bella's. Ignoring what Jasper was doing to Bella, I returned my eyes to Bella sucking my cock. She truly was a pro at this, if there could be such a thing as professional cock-sucking. Taking me all the way into her mouth, her hand following her lips up my shaft. She twisted her wrist at the top, as her tongue swirled around the head. Bella's pace increased, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. I was almost there. So close I could almost taste it, my thighs tensed and started to quiver. "Bella, so good. So fucking good. Just like that baby," I panted, my hips moving up into her mouth now. Bella groaned around me. But it wasn't a pleasurable groan, it was one of discomfort. I slipped from her mouth, the top of her head coming to rest against my abs. There was a rhythmic push against them as she was being forced into my torso. A whimper escaped her lips before "Jasper" escaped her lips in a plea. Grabbing her shoulders gently I lifted them up so she could look at me. Something was wrong and I didn't know what. Her eyes met mine, wincing with every thrust from Jasper. Looking at Jasper now, his hands were on her hips holding her tightly, pulling her back into him with every hard thrust he gave. His face was harsh looking; brows furrowed, eyes clenched tightly shut, and jaw tense. He was pounding into her very roughly, grunting

every time he buried himself within her. This wasn't rough sex, he was hurting her. She would have bruises from his hands, and not in a good way. "Jasper, stop it," I said my tone low and menacing. He didn't respond at all, it was as if he hadn't heard me. Too far gone into wherever he was to realize what he was doing. Bella continued to whimper and wince as he plowed into her like a jackhammer. My arms went around her back to pull her away from him, but his grip was too tight. He wasn't going to let her go. The anger within me flashed white hot. I am going to fucking murder him. Brushing the back of my fingers across her cheek, I murmured that it would be okay before hopping down from the counter. Stepping around Bella, whose fingers were now desperately clutching the counters edge, bracing herself from the impact of Jasper's abuse. I pushed roughly at his shoulders, then grabbed his wrists and yelled "Jasper, fucking stop it. Right. Fucking. Now." My voice and touch brought Jasper back from wherever he was. Immediately he realized what he was doing. Releasing Bella as if she burned him, he stumbled back against the opposite counter, a look of horror and shame on his face. "I'm so sorry Bella, oh my God. Bella, please. I'm sorry. I didn't know," he said weakly. I could see his eyes glistening with moisture. Stepping back, I gathered Bella in my arms and turned away from him slightly, shielding her from him. As much as I wanted to pummel his ass at the moment I needed to take care of Bella more. "Leave, get out … Now!" I roared at him, trying to contain the rage I felt. Jasper stepped towards us, his hand held out. His eyes begged for forgiveness. "Bella, please. I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I would never hurt you…" he pleaded. "Well you did hurt her douchebag. Get out of here before I kick your sorry, pathetic ass," I growled at him. He covered his mouth with back of his hand as he ran from the kitchen, a look of pure anguish on his face. I heard his bedroom door slam, then in what seemed like seconds the front door slammed and his bike roared to life. He was gone. He would be back and I would deal with him then, but right now, I needed to take care of Bella. She collapsed against me, while deep sobs shook her whole body and tears streamed down her face. Picking her up bridal style I carried her to her room. She clung to me, not letting go as I tried to lay her down. Giving up, I pulled back the covers, laying us both down.

I pushed my anger and rage at Jasper to the very corner of my soul where it would stay until I could unleash it upon him. I focused on Bella. She was still crying but had calmed somewhat. I held her against me, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead and hair. Eventually she calmed, falling into a deep sleep, still desperately clinging to me. Something had gone terribly wrong today and I intended to find out what, if it was the last thing I did.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. "I want a Sunday kind of love A love to last past Saturday night And I'd like to know that it's more than love at first sight And I want a Sunday kind of love Oh, yeah yeah" Sunday Kind of Love-Etta James Jasper Sitting in the café waiting for Bella and Alice to show up so we could go to Edward's big concert, I thought back to how my life had changed in the past two weeks. Sipping my coffee, I realized there was only one thing that I was certain of. I was a cockknob. A cocknob of the highest fucking order. My cocknoberry knew no limits. I really fucking hated myself right now, but I couldn't stop the behavior that made me a cocknob. Why was I a cocknob? Well … I thought I might be falling in love with Alice. At first glance, that might not seem like such a bad thing. When you look at the fact that I had told Bella I was in love with her a month ago, and that I had an arrangement with my two best friends to engage in sexual acts with Bella, one-on-one and together as a threesome? And that as part of our arrangement, outside fun was a big no-no? Yeah, a cocknob I was. Sure, the simple thing to do was to talk to my friends and tell them I wanted out, then tell Bella that I was not, in fact, in love with her like I had told her. That I had been wrong, so very wrong. But I couldn't do it. I was a cocknob and a pussy. I couldn't tell Bella that I

wasn't in love with her; it would crush her. Not that she had ever said it back to me, but I knew that she desperately wanted someone to love her. For awhile, I had been the person that filled that need. Over the past two weeks, I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't in love with Bella. I had confused the new emotions and feelings that Bella brought out in me, and the plain and simple desire I felt for her body, as love. I loved her, always had … but in a friends only way. I felt like an ass for having rushed headlong into my declaration before truly examining what I was feeling. For jumping to the conclusion that, just because it was new and powerful, I had to be in love with Bella. I had confused sex that included emotions other than lust, sex with someone I actually cared for, and the desire to find that something special, with being in love. See, cocknob. I was in love with the idea of her, or a her. In love with the idea of being in love. In love with the idea of having someone to share my life with. The idea of finding someone who just got me, as I got them. Someone I couldn't stand to be parted from. Someone that made me want to be the best person I could be. Someone who brought out the best in me, and I brought out the best in them. Lofty ideas at best; more abstract concepts then actual traits you might find in a person. But find them I somehow did. I found them in Alice. Twenty-one year old Mary Alice Brandon from Biloxi, Mississippi. Alice, who was shaping up to be the most important person in my life, a place that had been firmly held by Edward and Bella for almost twenty years. Alice, who was becoming a close friend to all of us. Alice, who was Bella's very close friend, almost best friend. Alice, who because of all those reasons and so many more, was completely un-fucking-touchable. And God did I want to touch her. Over the last two weeks, she had constantly been in my thoughts and dreams. I was drawn to and affected by her in a way that I never experienced before, or even thought possible. I couldn't get away from her, whenever I turned around, there she was. In my house, in my bar, in my library -- she was inescapable. Frankly, I was tired of trying to escape from her. My resistance to her was hanging by a frayed, weak thread. I was so close to succumbing to her, and to what I thought we could possibly have. I couldn't though, not with things so very fucked up between Bella, Edward and I. That problem needed to be dealt with first, and I had been avoiding it like the plague for two weeks…kinda. Bella and I were cool for the most part, but I don't think Edward said more than two words to me at a time since Thanksgiving. And those words were "fuck" and "off". Sometimes varied it with "you" instead of "off". No matter how many times I tried to explain that what happened, that it wasn't whatever it appeared to be to him, he just wouldn't listen. Even after apologizing to Bella and her talking to him, he wouldn't listen. We had never been in a fight like this before. We had fights over the years, sure, but over stupid inconsequential shit, making up almost immediately afterward. But this, this anger and animosity toward me from Edward just about killed me.

It's like I'm missing a part of myself. Like I can't breathe properly. And something you have yet to fix. I've tried man, he just won't listen. Have you? Really tried, that is? Yes… Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that man. The visions and memories from what will forever be known to me as the "beginning of the end" were burned into my brain and psyche. No matter how hard I tried to forget my actions, I simply couldn't. It was my own purgatory; I would be forever cursed for my actions, however unintentional they were. Memories and thoughts of that day played across my mind like a movie. What happened in the kitchen on Thanksgiving was not what I had intended to happen when I suggested fun times earlier in the day. And fun times had not been had since then, which was well within reason. I had been rough with Bella, and not in the good kind of way. Looking back on it, I know now what had happened with me, and I don't think I could have stopped it from happening. It started out fine. Great. Spectacular, even. Then things went from good to downright catastrophic. After I had been a douchenozzle to Alice, and in turn Bella during the day, I left Edward to clean up so I could fix things and apologize to Bella. As I approached the gazebo, I had no fucking clue what I was going to say to her, only that I had to make it right by whatever means necessary. I mean, what was I supposed to say? "Sorry I was a jackass to Alice. I only acted that way because she brings out the caveman in me I never knew existed and base primal lust. Oh, and she scares the ever lovin' crap out of me"? Yeah, somehow I didn't think that was going to go over so well. But I needed something. Something plausible for my behavior; my completely out of character asshat behavior. I knew I was going to have to fudge a bit and I hated lying to her. There was enough lying or withholding of information going on to begin with. Bella looked so peaceful and luminous standing under the twinkle lights in the gazebo. Her gaze was fixed on the swing Edward and I had put up for her when we moved in. I didn't want to interrupt her reverie, but this needed to be dealt with now. Just cause you want some. No, I need to fix this.

Umm…you know that's just a lame ass excuse, right? No, I really do want to fix this. Whatever this is between us. In order to do that, you're gonna have to get Alice off your mind. At this point, I don't even know if that's possible. That was the problem. Alice has affected me to my very core. I spent the entire afternoon in my room hiding from her and the feelings and longing she brought out in me. How was it possible that a five minute interlude with a total stranger could change me so fundamentally? Because I was changed. She had changed me and I knew nothing about her. Nothing except her name was Alice, and I was drawn to her in a frightening and wonderful way. NO! I love Bella. Bella was the one that showed me what it was like to be intimate with someone. That caring for someone in that way was something to be treasured and sought after. That love didn't tie one down or clip their wings, it made them soar. It was Bella who did that. And no one, not even the demon from Mississippi with the exotic violet and gold eyes, was going to change that. I just would have to push Alice and all the crap that came about because of her to the side. I wanted Bella. No, I needed Bella. And now was the time to show her, to tell her, to let her know that she was the one that made me the man I was. "Bells," I said tentatively, placing a hand on her shoulder. Breathing in and letting out a long sad sigh, she asked, "Jazz, what … what was that today with Alice?" Well, here goes nothing. "Bella, I don't know honestly. Jealousy maybe? She was just there and you were happy, and I think I was jealous that she made you that happy. Happy in a way that Eddie and I can't," I said in one long breath. Huh, what do ya know, that's the truth. Taking my hand, Bella led me to the bench. Sitting down, using her other hand, she patted the space next to her. I sat down and put my hands in my lap. I had the feeling I was about to get a lecture, or at least a stern talking to. Bella rested her head on my shoulder, sighing again. "Jazz, god Jasper. You know that no one could replace you and Edward, right? That no matter who comes and goes from my … our lives, you and Edward will always hold that special chunk of my heart reserved just for the two of you. No one, and I mean no one, could replace either of you, ever. You guys are my other parts. We, the three of us, don't

work without each other. It's been that way since you two saved me from the evil pine cones and Mike's cooties," she finished, chuckling at the end from the memory of the beginning of our friendship. Part of her little speech hurt my heart: the part where she stressed the three of us. Was she trying to tell me that there was no possibility of a her and me, ever? I had told her weeks ago that I wanted there to be a her and me, an us. Told her I loved her, was in love with her. She hadn't said it back. Was this her way of letting me down? Of telling me she wasn't, or couldn't ever be in love with me? There was tightness, a burning in my chest, that I vaguely recognized as lack of oxygen. My brain couldn't focus on the burning in my lungs and the breath I needed to take because my heart was breaking as the weight of the implications of Bella's words sunk in. She doesn't love me. She isn't in love with me. I felt my eyes starting to sting as tears formed under my lashes. This was a pain and emotion I never had felt before … rejection. This was why I had never put myself out there before, this hurt I was feeling. This was worse than the time I drove a nail through hand. Worse than the time I dumped the bike. Worse than the feeling of being left behind when Edward and Bella received their Ivy League acceptance letters. Wait, I thought. Maybe she wasn't saying what I thought she was saying. Maybe I was reading too much into her words. Taking a deep breath, extinguishing the burning flames in my lungs, I mentally reviewed the actual words she said. No, she hadn't said anything explicit to incite the panic and hurt I was feeling. I was inferring that from her words. Bella wasn't coy with me, she was direct and straightforward. If she felt that way, she would tell me, right? Yeah, yes she would, I decided. I had panicked and put myself through those moments of hurt for no reason. My heart calmed and my brain stopped spinning. Way to freak the fuck out there Jasper. I know, I know. Maybe you freaked for a reason. And what would that be, all knowing one. Well… that's something you have to figure out for yourself. What, you're finally gonna shut the fuck up when I actually need you? … Hello? Great, just fan-fucking-tastic.

Now my sub-conscious wasn't even talking to me. I truly was fucked in the head. "Jazz? Jasper? You okay?" Bella asked me while shaking my shoulder. Her voice and face were laced with concern and worry. Looking into her deep, worried eyes I said, "I'm good. I just … can't lose you Bells, either of you. I feel the same way about you and Edward that you feel about us. To see someone else making you happy like we do was a shock, and took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting it and it hurt that you might be replacing us. I know that there are some things that Edward and I can't relate to. That you need womanly friendship too, but what if you like it more than our friendship? You've never really had girl friends before. What if our friendship is a fluke? What if you leave us behind?" Tears started to form in the creases of her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled before she flung herself at me. Burying her face in my collarbone, she clung to me, her body shuddering in silent sobs. My arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly. Right then, we were Jasper and Bella, the best of friends, not Jasper and Bella, the lovers and possible something else. That was what had been missing for months -- the bond of friendship that wasn't tainted by lust and want and sex. "Oh Jazzy, that could never ever happen. You and Edward are my life. It's the two of you that make me who I am. I can't… don't think I could survive without the two of you. You are my family, my world. Nothing and no one can change that. Alice is nice and I like her, and I can be a girl with her, but she will never be to me what you and Edward are. It's just not possible. You have nothing to fear there. Nothing," she said into my shirt. Clutching her to me tighter, I let my fear go. There was no fear in losing her … now. But it would happen. One day, she would find that special someone. Would marry him, and he would become her whole world. I wanted that for her, wanted her to find that kind of happiness. I knew deep down that I wasn't that man. I loved her, thought I was in love with her, but that was not a future we could have. It just wasn't in the cards for us. I couldn't be the man that she would want me to be, the type of man that she would want forever. I thought of the far off day when I would have to let her go, give her up. I hoped that whoever he was, he would realize the enormous treasure and gift he was receiving in having Bella as his own. A vision of Bella in a simple white dress coming toward me on a white runner in her parents' backyard filled my head. Looking to my right, I saw the man that would claim her as his and vice versa. To my utter amazment, it was Edward standing next to me waiting for his bride. And it was … right. It was so right that it made my heart stutter for a few beats. How had I not seen this before? How had I not known? How did they not know? But I had known. Deep down, I had known all along. Then the guilt of our arrangement crashed down upon me, making it hard to breathe again. I had only been thinking about myself this whole time; what I wanted, what I was feeling, never taking into account the feelings of the other participants. I had known for awhile that Edward had deeper feelings for Bella, but pushed that aside in favor of my own selfishness.

There were things that it was in me to fix, but I would have to give up and let go on the idea of Bella and I, of an us, to make them happen. Could I do that? Was I ready to give up on this feeling of love and fullness that she evoked in me? Don't forget about Alice. Trust me, I can't. But that's not what right now is about. Then what is it about, oh wise one? Bella and letting go of the dream of her. And he learns. I knew you had some smarts in ya somewhere. Ignoring the last comment of the fucktard in my head, I started to formulate a plan. A plan to let Bella go. To give her to Edward and end this fucked up arrangement between us. It would have to be slow, taking gradual steps away from her. Her heart was too fragile for a clean break. The first step was to stop being in love with her, or stop thinking I was in love with her. Easier said than done. "Jasper, you there? Where'd you go?" Bella asked unwrapping herself from our hug and breaking me out of my thoughts. "Sorry, I was just thinking," I replied, looking at her. "'Bout what?" Bella asked with honest curiosity. "You, 'bout how wonderful you are and how I was an asshat to Alice. I'm so sorry Bella," I said. My apology was for more than my behavior toward Alice, but there was no need for her to know that yet. "Why don't we all go out tomorrow. I promise to be on my bestest behavior. I want to get to know this girl that has you so giddy and excited." "You don't have to do that Jazz…" "I want to, I really do. Besides it'll do us some good to be out…among people," I said cutting her off. "Okay, I'll call her later. Now that's settled, let's go see what Edward is up to and what trouble we can get him into," Bella said with that mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "You go on, I'll be in a sec," I told her, standing up and bringing her with me. I pulled her to me, her head tucked under my chin. It hurt to hold her, knowing we were going to go back to just being friends. "I love you Bella," I said into her hair, kissing the top of her head.

"Love you too, my Jazzy," she replied, squeezing me once before letting me go. I watched her go, watched her walk away from me, and my heart ached. She belonged with him, to him, and I was standing in the way. But the selfish part of me needed one more time with her before I truly let her go. My selfishness was what had gotten us into this mess in the first place, but I needed it. Needed to be with her again, to say goodbye. I also needed to feel the connection that I felt whenever the three of us were together. That connection had been missing for some time now. Determined to have just one more time with them, I walked to the house. A water fight had ensued, all of us soaking wet by the time it was over with. Things progressed; I gave Bella one last mind-blowing orgasm with my tongue. I hoped that she would miss my oral skills when this was over, and I wanted to make it memorable for her. She started to suck Edward's cock and I took that as my cue to have her. Only I knew it would be our last time. This was where everything went wrong. This was where I think I forever destroyed my friendship with Edward. I slipped into her slowly, wanting to remember every single second of this last time. She felt so fucking good. The feelings of lust, need and the love I couldn't let go of yet, bubbled up to the surface and filled me to the brim. Immersing myself in the feelings that I would never feel again, I fell into the sensation of being with Bella that way. Suddenly, Alice surfaced into my consciousness, and I felt as if I was betraying her somehow, being with Bella this way. But that was impossible; Alice was nothing to me … nothing. Not wanting Alice to intrude on my time with Bella, I tried to push thoughts of her out of my mind and focus on Bella. This was about Bella. About Bella and Edward. About letting go and stepping aside. But no matter how hard I tried, Alice was persistent. Without even realizing it, I had gripped Bella tigher and was thrusting into her hard. Her quiet pleas were lost on me as I tried to exorcise Alice from my mind. I was so focused on getting rid of Alice, I was completely unaware of what was physically happening until Edward forcibly separated Bella and me. Then, the shock and shame came. I had never seen Bella look so frail and afraid. And Edward, well murder was written clearly on his face. I tried to apologize to her, but there was no way to make this any better. Forget trying to explain, I knew that would only have made it worse. Edward yelled at me to leave and I fled. Tried to get away from the fear and pity I saw on Bella's face, and the loathing I saw on Edward's. Our friendship would be forever changed after that moment. Forever changed, broken, and possibly not fixable. I drove and drove, eventually finding the café I was currently sipping coffee at, waiting for Bella and Alice. I sat in the corner that night, my hands wrapped around a coffee cup, warming them as my whole body had gone frigidly cold. I was looking back on all that had

transpired. Stepping outside myself, I saw that I had been hurting Bella. Yes, I was being rough with her, and not rough in the good way. Rough in a detached, cold way. She would probably have bruises from my hands, but the harm I caused was more emotional than physical. She could tell something was going on with me in that moment, that something had changed. Sitting there drinking my coffee, I thought of how I was going to make it up to her, how I was going to make it right. All that, on top of the other revelations that had happened that day. The list was long, very long. Alice was something. Something to be explored and feared. Or, the feelings she evoked in me were. Edward and Bella belonged together. If I could fix things, eventually they would realize it, leaving me behind as our trio turned into a couple plus a hanger-on. If I couldn't fix things, then hopefully they would grow closer and set their feelings in motion. I had to give up Bella. As much as it would hurt me, she wasn't mine to have. I had to give up the friendship that had been my whole life for almost twenty years. I would undoubtedly lose part of myself when it ended, but their happiness was worth the loss. It was time for me to stop being a selfish bastard. It was time for me to step up and be the man, the friend I knew I could be. It was time to put aside my needs and happiness for the needs and happiness of those that meant the most to me. I returned home to a quiet, dark house. Going into the kitchen, returning to the scene of the crime, I cleaned up from the water fight and subsequent activities. It was late, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I sat at the dining room table and waited. Waited for them, so I could apologize and beg forgiveness for my many sins. Edward came out first, early in the morning, dawn barely breaking out over the horizon. He saw me waiting there and shook his head in disgust. Before I could speak, he spoke. Venom and hate laced his voice. "Whatever your excuse is, I don't want fucking to hear it. There was no reason for you to act like that and you and I both know it. I don't want to hear your explanation either. What you did was fucking unforgivable. You hurt her Jasper. Do ya know she cried herself to sleep? You're lucky I don't kick your fucking ass right now. The only reason I'm not is that it would hurt her even more and you've caused her enough pain as it is. Whatever your fucking deal is, I don't care. I'm done with you. I'll be cordial to you for Bella's sake, if that's what she wants, but you and I are finished. I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Jasper. Whoever that person was yesterday, I don't want to know him. You have to live with the repercussions and fallout of your actions now, for the first time in your pathetic fucking life." He finished speaking, turned around and went to his room without a look back. At the sound of his door closing, my soul and heart crumbled to dust. The tears came and I could do nothing to stop them. My head fell onto my arms that lay on the table as I replayed Edward's words over and over in my head. He was right; there was truth in them, but not the whole truth. Soft hands in my hair comforted me and warm arms hugged my back, enveloping me in the peace that was Bella.

"It's okay Jazz. It's okay," she whispered into my shoulder. "It's not okay Bella. It will never be okay again," I spat back. Then the horror of my tone sunk in, turning in the chair I gathered her to me. "God Bella, I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry. You have to know that I would never hurt you on purpose. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't aware. God, I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't make it better, but know that I am. From the bottom of my being, I'm sorry." "Shhh, shhh Jasper. It's okay. It's okay. I know. I know you would never hurt me on purpose. You didn't really hurt me anyway. Nothing more than I do to myself on daily basis with my stupid clumsiness," she murmured, trying to soothe and comfort me. "Bella, I did hurt you. I can't live with myself, knowing that I hurt you," I whispered back. Squirming out of my grasp and standing up, she shook my shoulders to get my full attention. "Jasper, hear me now. You didn't hurt me, see?" Bella groaned, lifting her shirt so I could see that her skin wasn't marred or bruised. "You were rough and hard with me, but you weren't hurting me. Edward overreacted and he's already heard it from me, and been dealt with. I'm more concerned about why you were so out of it. Why did you act that way? Jazz, even when we were at our most … frenzied, you were never like that. It's like you weren't even there." My fingers ghosted over her hips and across her stomach. I turned her around to inspect her back. She was right. There wasn't a mark on her. Turning to face me, she raised an eyebrow and dropped her shirt back down before saying "See? Fine." She was fine … physically. But emotionally, both she and I were hurting. I pulled her to me, wrapping my hands around her waist, burying my face in the soft folds of her shirt across her stomach. "Bella, I can't … I don't think I can explain right now. Know that I'm sorry for being with you like that. That I'll explain it to you when I understand it myself," I said into her shirt. Running her fingers through my hair, she said, "It's okay Jazz. Know that I'm here when you're ready. I'm always here for you." As I was about to respond, Edward's voice came from behind Bella. "Jesus Fucking Christ, you have got to be fucking kidding me. Bella, how can let him near you after he attacked you? And you. You're really asking for a fucking beat down. Get your fucking hands off her." Spinning around to face Edward, hand on her hips, Bella let him have it. "Edward Anthony

Masen, I already told you a million effin' times, I'm fine. Jasper didn't hurt me. You've seen for yourself that I don't have any bruises. Back the fuck off. This is between Jasper and me. So fucking help me, if you lay one finger on him, you will never touch me again, you get me? Now get over it and yourself," she said stalking to him and poking him in the chest when she was in front of him. "Bella, you didn't … didn't see it, see him, see your face. You were in pain. He was hurting you," Edward replied quietly. He had one hand over hers on his chest, the other was stroking her cheek, a look of love and concern on his face. That's when I saw it again; he loves her. I mean he loves her, loves her. How had I never seen it this clearly before? It was showing plain as day on his face. I had kinda thought … maybe. But this? This was obvious. How could she not see it? The look he was giving her just reaffirmed the vision of the two of them together. I was determined then to do everything in my power to get the two of them together. "Edward," she sighed. "Edward, I'm fine. You worry too much. I know what it might have looked like, but trust me, it's not what you think you saw." Edward looked up at me over Bella's shoulder. His eyes narrowed into slits, a look of menace and protectiveness for Bella on his face. "Fine Bella, whatever you say. But I know what I saw. Forgive him or whatever, I don't care. I'm not going to forgive him anytime soon," Edward said, his eyes still on me, before dropping Bella's hand and walking out the front door. That was the last time Edward looked me in the eyes, the last time he even looked at me, really. I tried and tried to get him to talk to me again, to talk to him about Bella. About what Bella was to me, and more importantly, about what Bella was to him. As I observed them together over the last two weeks, I saw it. Saw that she loved him, too. I was amazed at how blind I had been. My two best friends were in love with each other and had done nothing about it, maybe not even admitting it to themselves. I knew I couldn't talk to Bella about her feelings for him, as I hadn't talked to her about my feelings. Or, what I thought my feelings had been for her. Or about what my feelings for her friend were, either. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew it would hurt her, and after everything that happened, I just couldn't add more on top of it. Now Edward, Edward I was about to cocksmack upside his head over his in ability to see what was right in front of his fucking face. He was pining for her, but he never did anything about it. I wondered how long he felt this way. How he couldn't see that she felt the same way? Why he had agreed to our arrangement knowing he loved her, if he even realized it? They could be so happy, all they had to do was say it. Admit it. They belonged together; I knew this down in the bottom of my soul. Coming out of the haze of memories and thoughts, I realized that Alice was quietly sitting next to me.

How long has she been sitting there? I don't know, why don't you ask her instead of staring at her like a moron? "Alice?" I asked, perplexed. "Jasper," she replied, an amused lilt in her tone. "How long have you been sitting here?" "Oh, about ten minutes or so," Alice answered. "Sorry, I was lost in thought," I nodded. "S'okay. You looked pensive and I didn't want to bother you. You're interesting to watch when you don't know someone's watching you," she said with a sly smile on her face. This was the Alice that I was falling in love with. She seemed to already know things, as if she was already clued in to the secrets of those around her. I found myself not only drawn to and attracted to her physically, but drawn to her as a person. The way she thought, the things she said, her lack of guile, her wry sense of humor, her compassionate nature, her feisty nature, the way she told you what was on her mind or what her opinion on anything was. She was energetic without being annoying, she was understanding without being coddling, she was simply a complex young women who knew herself completely. And I loved her. Jasper and Alice sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Dude, shut the fuck up. "How so, Short Stuff?" I asked using the pet name we had all given her after hanging out one night. "Well Jazzman, you furrow your brow or a small smile will cross your face. Your eyes are open, but not focused on anything. I can't tell exactly what you're thinking, but I know the emotion you're feeling. While I sat here and watched, you went through like twelve different emotions. It's fascinating really," she explained, the last part said softly. "You sure you weren't just checking out my handsome face?" I asked trying to bring some humor into the somewhat heavy conversation. "Well there's that too…" Alice trailed off, her vibrant eyes on me. We simply stared at each other as the tension that sometimes happened between us thickened. There was a connection there between us. We both felt it; I could see she felt it on her face. But we never spoke of it, never acknowledged it. Alice didn't know about the arrangement, what went down on Thanksgiving, that Bella thought I was in love with her,

the real reason why Edward and I weren't getting along, or so many other things. It had been silently decided by each of us that Alice was not to know the shambles our friendship was in, or how and why it was that way. Alice had been a constant presence in our lives over the last couple of weeks. She seemed to fit, but was still an outsider. I knew I hated keeping stuff from her and was pretty sure Edward and Bella felt the same way. "Jasper?" Alice said, breaking our stare down to look at her hands on the table top. "Yeah, Alice?" I asked, watching her looking at her hands. Looking up at me, her violet eyes looked sad, yet curious. The tension between us thickened even further. It made it hard to breathe and I felt the crackle of something run through me. "Jasper, why haven't you kissed me?" she asked shyly, something odd and out of character for Alice. Wait, what? Kiss her? I would kill to be able to kiss her. But I can't. Not yet. "Alice, I … I can't kiss you," I answered. "Can't, or don't want to?" she asked. How could I explain this to her, without telling her everything? It wasn't just my story to tell. There was no way to do it without hurting all the parties involved. "I want to, but it's complicated Alice. I can't kiss you … right now," I said sincerely, hoping that I wasn't fucking up any chance I had with her. Alice took in my words for a minute before leaning toward me, her eyes focused on my lips. I knew what was about to happen, knew I should stop it. But I couldn't. I wanted this to happen. "You can't kiss me, but that doesn't mean I can't kiss you," she said, her lips a whisper away from mine. Taking the giant step, or lean in this instance, I moved forward, pressing her lips to mine gently. Her lips were soft and yielding against mine; warm. An electric pulse shot through me down to the tips of my toes as I closed my eyes and sunk into the feeling of Alice's lips against mine. We moved our lips in unison, backing away ever so slightly just to come back for more. My hand moved and cupped the side of her face, tilting her head so I could deepen the kiss. I felt her small fingers in the hair at my temple before they moved to trace the shell of my

ear as her tongue tentatively moved against the bottom of my top lip. Parting my lips, I allowed her tongue into my mouth and I got my first taste of Alice. She was sweet and rich, and tasted unlike anyone I had ever kissed. Our kiss was soft and slow and sweet and absolutely perfect. This was what kissing was all about. This was like the epic first kiss you saw in movies. I never wanted to part from her lips. I wanted to move in and live forever in this kiss. "Jasper … Alice …" Bella's hurt and confused voice reached us, ending the moment we were sharing. We immediately separated, both of us sporting looks of guilt. I knew why I had a guilty look, but Alice's guilt perplexed and ashamed me. Oh fuck. Not good, not good at fucking all. "Bella…" I said, standing up to go to her, but she stepped backwards away from me. "Jasper, you were kissing her. Why were you kissing her? You told me you loved me. You told me you wanted only me. Was it all a lie? Was any of it true?" Bella asked tears streaming down her face. This was not the place to lay it all out there. Not the place to tell her I had been so wrong about my feelings for her. Not the place to cause the hurt I knew would happen. Not the place to lose her possibly forever. "Bella…" I said, stepping toward her again. "No Jasper, answer me. Answer me now. Why were you kissing her? Did you ever really love me?" she said, then turned her stare to Alice. "And you, are you two like a thing now? How long has this been going on? I thought you were my friend." I heard Alice stand up and a stuttered sigh came from behind me as if the words were stuck in her throat and she couldn't get them out. "Bella please, let's go home and I'll explain everything. I swear, it's not what you think," I begged her. "Jasper, I don't know what to think anymore. You tell me you're in love with me and I find you sucking face with Alice. What is going on? I think I deserve the truth," she said while shaking her head. Knowing the truth would only hurt her further, I remained silent, looking at my shoes like a child who was being scolded by his mother. I heard her sob once loudly before turning and leaving the café. I had a decision to make; follow the crying, distraught Bella out the door or turn around and

face what would surely be an angry, confused Alice. My life fucking sucked, when just a moment ago everything had been almost perfect. This wasn't just a decision about which woman to go to first, this was a decision about which woman would come first in my life from this moment on. The woman who was my best friend my entire fucking life, one part of three, or the woman I barely knew, but was somehow drawn to in a way that frightened and exhilarated me. Walk forward or turn around? Walk forward or turn around? Walk forward or turn around? I knew the answer to this already in my heart; I just had to do it. Had to move, had to finally take action. Move, Jasper. Fucking move your ass. Taking a deep breath, I held it until my chest was tight and it felt like I might pass out, then exhaling slowly, I let all my anxiety and fear out. The time to act is now, so with that thought in my head, I turned to Alice. I was about to have the most important and difficult conversation of my life. I was scared shitless, but hoped that it would all work out and she would understand. She was too important, we were too important for her not to.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. i can feel their eyes are watching in case i lose myself again sometimes i think i'm happy here sometimes i still pretend i can't remember how this all got started but i can tell you - exactly - how it will end

Every Day is Exactly the Same-NIN Bella My life was in utter disrepair. It was in me to fix it, to make it better … maybe. Maybe it would be worse, I didn't know for sure. But I was too afraid to just fucking do it. I was too afraid to ruin everything, though it seemed like everything was already ruined. To afraid to possibly end it all, to end what was only being held together by a very fragile thread. Grow the fuck up Bella! That was the crux of it. I needed to grow up. I needed to be an adult for once. I needed to not let my fears and insecurities rule my life. I needed to face facts. I was avoiding, like I always did. Avoiding or ignoring the problems, while attempting to convince myself that I was forming a plan of action, when in reality I just didn't want to fucking deal. I was pathetic. My main form of avoidance lately had been Alice. I felt kinda guilty about our friendship, like I was using her to escape my problems. I did honestly like Alice, and maybe even kinda loved her. She filled a space in me that had been empty before, the space that could only filled by another woman. I never had female friends before, so this whole being friends with a girl thing was totally new to me. I liked exploring the dynamic of it. There wasn't any of the catty-bitchiness I associated and expected with having a female friend. She simply got it when I told her things; things the guys never would have gotten without in depth explanation. I was always myself around my guys, but around Alice I could just be. It was nice, a nice little escape from my life. As an added bonus, the guys seemed to like her too. My life was what had been plaguing me as I got ready for Edward's concert. I was fixing my hair and putting on make-up. I wanted to look extra nice for him, it seemed like tonight was especially important. So much so that he gave me an early Christmas present: a beautiful midnight blue wrap dress that hugged my curves and showed hints of my almost non-existent cleavage. I had to admit to myself that I looked good in it, and I hoped he thought so too. Edward, oh Edward, he had been so angry lately, since Thanksgiving. I had never seen him this upset in all the time I knew him. It felt like I had to walk around on eggshells and any one little thing might set him off. He wasn't angry at me, and he never took his anger out on me or even showed it to me really. But it was there, simmering right under the surface. I knew what his problem was: he still was angry at Jasper for what happened on Thanksgiving, even after I explained to him that he had jumped to the wrong conclusion about what had gone on. He simply wouldn't listen and was being a stubborn asshat about the whole thing. I loved the boy to distraction, but I was about to beat him up one side of his head and down the other if he didn't start acting like the man I fell in love with, even if he didn't know I was in love with him. There was yet another problem that had me avoiding my life - my

beyond fucked up love life. I needed to tell Edward I was hopelessly and desperately in love with him and had been for the last … oh I don't know, nine years. I knew that was a long ass time to be in love with someone without telling them, but the problem was that he also happened to be my best friend in the whole wide world. I didn't know if I could risk telling him I loved him and possibly lose his friendship. Complicated on its own, but there was more. Oh yes, I had fucked my life up even more. I had a threesome with Edward and our other best friend Jasper, then we decided to continue having threesomes, plus they could sleep with me one-on-one. Not such a bad idea, in theory. But reality is a whole other thing from theory. I found out when people start having sex, feelings start getting involved, no matter how hard you try to keep them separate. What was simple in theory had basically ruined my friendships, my possibility for a future with Edward, and my life. Yeah, I was stupid beyond all comprehension. Don't ya wish you would have figured this shit out a few months ago? Shut it. I know. I'm screwed and not in the good way. Now, a whole new level of fuckery was added into the mix - Jasper was in love with me. Just fuck! What was I supposed to do now? Jasper was never the type to fall in love, ever. But I believed he felt what he said he did, the only problem was, I didn't love him back. At least, not in that way. I couldn't tell him because…well, because he might not ever recover from it. I'm not saying that I'm all that or anything, but this was the first time he had ever put himself out there and the rejection might just have crushed him. It might have been the wrong thing to do, but I led him on. Instead of just being honest that I didn't and wouldn't feel the same, when he told me he loved me, I felt it was my duty or obligation, to show him what loving someone was like. Show him that it wasn't the frightening thing he always made out to be. I was okay with that, and happy to do it for my best friend, but then things went in the crapper. On Thanksgiving, Jasper and I had a heart-to-heart. He was afraid of losing me, of losing Edward. I assured him it wouldn't happen, that I or we would always be there for him. How very wrong I was. We let our pent up lust and need get away from us and things got out of control in the kitchen. Jasper wasn't hurting me physically, he was hurting me emotionally. Yes, he had been rough with me, but no rougher than he had been before. It was the detachment. To me, this arrangement wasn't about getting my rocks off, though that was part of it. It was about being connected to my best friends on a whole other intimate level. When we were together like that, the intimacy was what mattered to me. Being connected at our basest levels, sharing something so special with them. I didn't know if they felt the same way or if it was all about the sex to them, but to me it was so much more. When I felt the detachment from Jasper, the emotional void, I was worried. And it felt like … like he was saying goodbye, like this was the last time with us for him. That was why I

wanted to stop, because I wasn't yet ready to say goodbye to Jasper. And I'm still not. That makes me a selfish bitch, and I know it. I want to have my cake and eat it too. And since I'm being completely honest here, I liked the thought that someone, even the wrong someone, loved me. At least I was wanted. Taking one final look in the mirror, I checked my watch, seeing that I had to hustle to make it to the coffee shop in time. Jasper called me earlier, saying he was running late and would just meet us there. I had to admit, I was excited to hear Edward's mysterious new piece. I knew it had to be something special for all the secrecy and sneaking around he was doing. That led me to the next problem to ponder as I drove to the café across the way from the auditorium where Edward was performing - sneaking around and secrecy. There was way too much being withheld between the three of us. At no time in our entire friendship had there been this many secrets, or secrets at all. The only secret I ever had from them was being in love with Edward. But it had to all stop: the secrets, lies of omission and the arrangement. It wasn't healthy and that wasn't what our friendship was supposed to be about, but that's what it turned into. Things had to change. We needed to be completely honest. I needed to tell Jasper and Edward the truth. If being honest and open meant the end of our friendship, then so be it. It wasn't meant to continue if we couldn't overcome it. But the loss of my guys was something completely unthinkable and I would do everything in me to prevent that from happening. Parking the car, I glanced at my watch again. I was late and we barely had enough time to make it to the concert before it started. Tonight was too important to Edward for us to be late. Walking into the café, I hoped Jasper and Alice were already there so we could go. They were there, they were very much there. They were kissing. Not just any kiss, a kiss full of passion and want and need and something that looked a little bit like love. A million emotions passed though me as I watched Jasper and Alice kiss. Happiness, relief, loss, possessiveness, sadness, anger and jealousy were the main feelings. They were conflicted and fought with each other. I couldn't settle on just one, on what I was supposed to be feeling right now, watching them kiss. "Jasper … Alice …" I whispered. They heard me and broke apart immediately, surprised at being caught, both looking guilty. "Bella…" Jasper said while standing up to come to me. I didn't, couldn't, have him touching me right now. I felt betrayed. Like everything he ever told me was a lie. Like I didn't even know him at all anymore. I wanted to believe that nothing was going on with them, but from the looks on

their faces, I knew that wasn't the case at all. "Jasper, you were kissing her. Why were you kissing her? You told me you loved me. You told me you wanted only me. Was it all a lie? Was any of it true?" I cried out as I felt tears I wasn't even aware I was crying run down my cheeks. It was over. It was all over. "Bella…" Jasper said, stepping toward me again. "No Jasper, answer me. Answer me now. Why were you kissing her? Did you ever really love me?" I yelled because I had to know, then I turned to Alice feeling her betrayal. Was she only friends with me to get to Jasper? Was this friendship between us a lie, too? "And you, are you two like a thing now? How long has this been going on? I thought you were my friend." I seethed with barely contained anger. She blanched at my tone and I felt a cruel sense of victory that was soon replaced by guilt. "Bella please, let's go home and I'll explain everything. I swear, it's not what you think," Jasper pleaded. I didn't want to go anywhere with him right then. I didn't even want to look at him. "Jasper, I don't know what to think anymore. You tell me you're in love with me and I find you sucking face with Alice. What is going on? I think I deserve the truth," I said, the anger fully replacing whatever I had been feeling before. Jasper looked down at his feet, unable to meet my eyes. The guilt he was feeling was clear from his posture. I didn't want his guilt, I didn't want his pity love, and I sure as hell didn't want to listen to his sorry excuses. What I did want was my Jasper back, but that was apparently someone that no longer existed. Disgusted with them and myself, I turned and fled the café. I hadn't gotten any answers out of them, the only thing I was positive of was that he didn't love me, or wasn't in love with me. That thought broke my heart. I knew I should have felt relief that I was off the hook, that he had moved on. But no, he didn't love me and I finally realized that his supposed love for me was the only thing that had been keeping me together the last couple of weeks. And now it was gone. I don't know how I made it home - if I walked, ran, called a taxi or drove. But I found myself folded up on the living room couch, lost in a trance. My knees were pulled tight to my chest, arms wrapped around me as if they were the only thing keeping me from shattering, rocking back and forth as the tears came and four words went through my head over and over … No one loves me. No one loves me. No one loves me.

Time lost all meaning as my world crumbled around me. Minutes, hours, days or years could have passed for all I knew. It was over. The arrangement was obviously over, but in reality that had been over for a month, we just hadn't admitted it. I hadn't had sex with either of them in five weeks except for the one failed attempt on Thanksgiving. Finding Jasper and Alice was just the final nail in the coffin. But what now? What did we do now? More importantly, was I so unlovable that no one would ever want me? I wanted to be loved; it was the only thing I ever truly wanted. No one had ever loved me, and for a few short weeks Jasper had, or I thought he had. Even though my life was in shambles and so confusing I couldn't even think about it, I had been loved. I faintly heard a car door slam, then the front door and someone calling my name. But it was as if I was hearing it from underwater and the sounds were muffled by the water. Warm hands wiped away my tears before enveloping me in an embrace. As the world became real again, I realized that Edward was holding me close, rocking with me as he murmured into my hair. "Edward …" I rasped my voice rough from crying. "Yeah, it's me Bells. What happened? Why're you crying?" he asked, his lips in my hair. I realized then that I had missed his concert. It was so important to him, and I missed it. So wrapped up in all that happened, I hadn't even thought about it. I was the worst kind of friend. "Oh Edward, your concert …" I cried. "Shush, it's not important. What's wrong, love?" he asked again, his lips still kissing my hair. I couldn't keep it in anymore. Everything that had happened with Jasper poured out of me. I stood up and started pacing as Edward sat on the couch taking in my words. "Jasper, he was … was kissing Alice. And Alice was kissing him back. I'm pretty sure they have a … a thing going on. And he's cheating on us … on me. And how long has it been going on? They only met two weeks ago! And what about me …?" I paused and fell to my knees as I came back to the thought that no one loved me. Edward rushed over to me, hugging him to me again. My face was in his neck and his scent calmed me as the feeling of despair washed over me. "He doesn't love me … he told me he loved me, was in love with me. I needed him to love me. He said I was special … that we were special and it was all a lie. And now it's all over, all of it. Everything is ruined and will never be the same. It's all fallen apart and I don't know how to fix it, fix any of it. I'll be left behind and you two will leave me. And I'll be all alone. And no one loves me, no one will ever love me …" I sputtered out as the tears began to fall again.

I felt Edward's hands on my upper arms, lifting me up to stand in front of him. His face was full of the fury and anger that had previously been thinly contained under the surface. For the first time ever, I was frightened of him. Shaking me lightly, he growled. "Do you love him? Are you in love with him?" "No, I could never love him like that, but for the first time ever someone loved me," I whispered realizing how pathetic that sounded. "Jesus Christ, how could you not know, Bella? How could you not tell, not see?" Edward asked me, the anger gone and replaced by hurt. "What Edward? See what?" I asked, confused as to what I was missing. His hands came up to cup my face, his forehead resting against mine. His eyes were closed and it looked like he was trying to gather his words, thinking about how to say whatever it was that he was alluding to. With a deep exhale, he lifted his forehead from mine and looked me straight in the eyes. What I saw in his stare stunned and overwhelmed me, leaving me without the ability to breathe or speak; love. "Isabella Marie Swan, I love you. I'm so in love with you, it's hard to breathe sometimes. I want you, only you, forever if you'll have me. I don't want to share you anymore, or ever again. You belong with me, we belong together. Can't you feel it?" he asked in an even calm tone. Edward loves me, Edward loves me, Edward is in love with me.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. Hate me Do it and do it again Waste me Rape me, my friend am i the only one .IIIII [3x]

am ithe Only one... Rape Me-Nirvana Edward I was nervous as fuck. Why had I thought this was a good idea? The genius idea was me performing an original piece that I wrote for Bella and declaring my love for her, in front of an auditorium of people. At the end of the piece, I was going to tell her that I loved her, had been in love with her for nearly a decade. Yeah, this sounded like a good idea, and planning it over the last couple of months cemented that it was a good idea. But now, when I was just about to go and do it … not such a great fucking idea. What the hell had I been thinking? You could always bail? No, I don't think I can. I've built it up; I have to do it now. It's only your future and entire happiness on the line, no big. Thanks for reminding me, I feel oh so much better about it now. Actually I felt like I was going to throw up, but was fighting it back down. It would not be good to blow chunks three minutes before I was supposed to go on. I peeked around the curtain to see if Bella, Alice and unfortunately Jasper were there yet. I made special arrangements to have three front row center seats blocked off for them. On one of those seats was a bouquet of Gerbera Daisies, Bella's favorite. I wanted to do something nice for her. Well, something nice aside from the whole grand declaration. Something that might clue her in to what was to come. I had gotten her a dress to wear that night and stressed the importance of her being there, enticing her with finally hearing my "super secret" piece, as she had taken to calling it. The seats I had set aside were all still empty. That was odd because the concert had started forty-five minutes before. Maybe they went to the bathroom or to get a drink. But in the program it said I was next, performing a piece called "Beloved". I knew Bella wouldn't want to miss it, not with all the build-up. This was very disconcerting; where were they? Things had been strained in the house the last couple of weeks and that was mostly my fault, and I knew it, but I didn't think the discontent and Bella's displeasure at my not forgiving Jasper for being "King of the Douchenozzles" would prevent her from coming. She knew how important this was, and as an extra added bonus I had clued Alice in to my plan. Alice was perceptive to the extreme; she knew something was up with the concert. After some pestering on her part and swearing her to secrecy, I finally caved and told her. To say

she was ecstatic was an understatement; it had been her idea to get the dress and the flowers. It was nice to have someone on the outside. Someone who I hadn't known my entire life. Someone who was a stranger, yet someone I could trust. Alice had become a good friend since Thanksgiving and I could see why Bella took to her so quickly. She was easy, or her friendship was easy. There was no long history between us, no sense of obligation, though I didn't feel that too much with Bella and Jasper. It was easy because there were no expectations from Alice, she was unassuming. She just was, was there if you needed her for any reason be it someone to listen to or someone to make you laugh. I felt a sense of protectiveness over her, like you would feel for a little sister. I wanted to beat the shit out of any man that looked at her wrong or hurt her. I wanted to protect her from the hurt and pain of the world. Unlike how I hadn't been able to protect Bella from it, how I had caused it in Bella's world. My name being announced startled me and the nauseous feeling returned. You can do this, she's worth it. I walked out onto the stage looking at the front row again, the seats were still empty. The feeling of excitement and dread mixed with anxiety deflated from my chest as I realized that Bella wouldn't be here to hear the song, and that I wouldn't have to bare my soul in front of all these people. As I started to play, the piece came automatically with no need for thought or effort to play it, not now anyways. All the time and effort I put into that moment was for naught. All of it wasted, when I could have been spending time with her, when I could have just manned up and told her. I was furious. Furious at myself for building this moment up in my head as the perfect romantic gesture. Furious for thinking the grand and public declaration would cause everything else to fall into place. Where was she? Had something happened to her? Was she punishing me? These and a million other questions raced through my head as my fingers floated across the ivory keys, weaving a lullaby of sorts. The song was sweet and slow, building at to a frenzied crescendo of wild notes before slowing again into something solemn and reverent. I had put everything into this piece, it was nine years in the making. The beginnings of the melody came to me in my teenage years when I was coming to terms with the feelings I was having for my best friend. Growing and changing as we changed and grew. It was my masterpiece and the person that inspired it, that I had written it for, didn't even bother to show up for its inaugural playing. The anger I had been feeling for myself found a new target as I finished the piece, took my bow and left the stage, not reciting the speech I was supposed to give. Fumbling, I got my phone out of my pocket and called the one person I really didn't want to talk to. The phone rang and rang before voicemail kicked in. "Jasper's not here, do your thing," his voice drawled in a fake Texas accent.

"Jasper, where the fuck are you guys? You missed it, the whole thing. I know we aren't getting along right now, but I thought I meant more to you than this. Where's Bella? Do you know where she is? Call me back, jackass," I growled into the phone, upset that the asshole didn't even have the common fucking courtesy to answer. I knew I shouldn't have gone off on him like that, and the guilt I had been carrying around since Thanksgiving returned stronger than ever. Jasper and I needed to fix our shit and I needed to stop being an ass. Not talking to him, trying to stay mad at him when really I wasn't anymore, was killing me. I knew I had overreacted over the whole damn thing, I knew it the moment Bella explained to me what had happened. The incident was not what I thought it had been; I saw what I wanted to see. I was still pissed at him for treating Bella that way, but she had obviously forgiven him, so I needed to as well. I had, to a point, but I didn't want him to know that. I wanted him to marinate in his guilt for a little while, teach him a lesson. His behavior on Thanksgiving was still a mystery to me, since we weren't talking. Bella and I hadn't talked about it since the morning after so I didn't know if she knew or not. Honestly at that point I wanted to forget the whole thing. Yes, he had been hurting the woman I love, but it wasn't with malicious intent. He had been working through something in that moment and Bella just happened to be in the way. I couldn't fault him or blame him, as I had done the same damn thing the first time I had sex with Bella back on the night this stupid ass arrangement started. When I had been with her that first time, I was overly rough as I worked through everything I was feeling; for her, about being with her that way, how it came about and what it meant for us from then on. I was just as bad as Jasper was, but he hadn't called me out on it … yet. Well after that little speech you gave him he thinks you despise him. Fuck, just fuck. My life was so very fucked. I wished that I could go back to that night and stop it all. Stop what had happened. I didn't regret it, I regretted what became of us because of it. Actually, I wished I could go back further in time and just fucking tell her. But what was the saying, if wishes were horses… I needed to find her, to make sure she was okay. The dread I was feeling was something instinctual and I had a feeling that something very bad had happened. My fingers shook as I dialed Bella's number. Again the phone rang and rang without being picked up. "Hey, you've reached Bella. You know what to do after the beep," her sweet voice said, calming me a bit. I hung up, not leaving a message as I didn't know what to say. I didn't need to stick around and the urge to find Bella was increasing within me. Rushing to my car, I sped to the only

place I could think to go: home. Bella's car was in the driveway, but she could have gotten a ride with Alice. Shit, Alice. I should have called her first. She would know what was going on. I decided I would call her, but after I checked to see if Bella was there. Slamming my car door, I ran to the front door, hoping to find her inside. Throwing it open, I saw Bella huddled in a ball on the couch rocking back and forth, tears running down her face as she whimpered and sobbed. Something was most definitely wrong, very wrong. She looked almost catatonic and worse than when I had found her in the shower. The lingering anger I had for her missing my moment dissolved as I rushed to her side, desperate to undo whatever had been done, to take the pain away. Wrapping my arms around her trembling form, I hugged her to me, trying to bring her out of whatever place her mind was. The rocking ceased and I felt her muscles relax infinitesimally. She was starting to become aware of her surroundings again, coming back from wherever she had been. I didn't know what had happened to put her in such a state, but I was going to fucking find out. She wouldn't be able to brush me off or distract me this time, like she had in the shower. "Edward …" she gasped roughly. "Yeah, it's me, Bells. What happened? Why're you crying?" I whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head. She tensed up at my question. I thought she was going to deny anything was wrong, but her sobs intensified as she turned in my arms to cling to me. "Oh Edward, your concert …" she whimpered into my neck. "Shush, it's not important. What's wrong, love?" I said into her hair. It was obvious now that she had forgotten. A pang of jealousy and hurt went through me, that I wasn't important enough for her to remember. Then suddenly she jumped up to pace in front of me, her arms flailing as she stuttered and stumbled through her words. "Jasper, he was … was kissing Alice. And Alice was kissing him back. I'm pretty sure they have a … a thing going on. And he's cheating on us … on me. And how long has it been going on? They only met two weeks ago. And what about me …?" she ended distraughtly before collapsing into a heap on the floor. I rushed to her and gathered her close, hoping that my presence and touch might help ease her worried mind. Bella breathed in deeply before exhaling slowly. It seemed like she might be done, but no. "He doesn't love me … he told me he loved me, was in love with me. I needed him to love me. He said I was special … that we were special, and it was all a lie. And now it's all over,

all of it. Everything is ruined and will never be the same. It's all fallen apart and I don't know how to fix it, fix any of it. I'll be left behind and you two will leave me. And I'll be all alone. And no one loves me, no one will ever love me …" she said and started to cry anew. Wait...what? He didn't, he couldn't? My greatest fear was realized when Bella's worlds sunk in. Jasper was in love with her, had told her. Told her she was special and that he wanted only her. He had beaten me to the punch and my lingering resentment toward him roared back to life. I couldn't let him win, there was no way he felt for Bella the way I did. She was mine, she belonged with me. But it would all be for nothing if she returned his feeling, then and only then would I give up. If he was what she truly wanted, then I would let her go. Let her be happy with him, even if it would destroy me. I needed to ask her, I needed to know. Grabbing her upper arms rougher than was necessary, I pulled her up to stand in front of me. "Do you love him; are you in love with him?" I spat out while shaking her. "No, I could never love him like that, but for the first time ever, someone loved me," she whispered in a sad, lonely voice. There was a pang through my chest at her words. She thought no one loved her, when that was the farthest thing from the truth. I hated myself right then for not telling her sooner, for putting that doubt and hurt upon her. "Jesus Christ, how could you not know Bella? How could you not tell, not see?" I asked, astonished at her blindness to my feelings. "What Edward, see what?" Bella asked, clearly confused as to what I was asking. I had gone about this all wrong and I hated myself for it. I had been dancing around my love for her for nearly a decade. It was time to just let it all out. Let her know exactly what I felt for her, and what she meant to me. But could I do it? Psyching myself up and planning my words for what I was about to do, I placed my hands on either side of her face, my forehead against hers. I could do this. Dude, an hour ago you were going to do it in front of thousands of people. Isn't this better? Maybe, but she never would have rejected me in front of a thousands of people. Here, just he two of us, she might. And that was the crux of it. I finally realized I had been planning my grand gesture not for her, but for me. The public display was to keep her from rejecting me; it had been the safe

choice. But now was the time to finally take the leap of faith and risk it all. Breathing in deeply, then slowly exhaling, I lifted my forehead to look her straight in the eye, letting everything that I always kept back into my expression. Bella gasped, either in shock or recognition, I didn't know. "Isabella Marie Swan, I love you. I'm so in love with you it's hard to breathe sometimes. I want you, only you, forever if you'll have me. I don't want to share you anymore or ever again. You belong with me, we belong together. Can't you feel it?" I spoke, my gaze never left hers as I finally said my piece. There were so many things in her eyes as I waited with bated breath for her response. She continued to stare at me for a minute before taking a step back, out of my loose hold on her. Then fury and anger came onto Bella's face as she pulled her hand back and slapped the side of my face before I knew what was happening. Bella pulled her hand back to do it again, but I caught her wrist before she could. My anger was burning right under the surface. In all the times I thought of this moment, how it would go, never had this reaction crossed my mind. To say I was confused was the understatement of the fucking century. "What the fuck was that for? I tell you I'm in love with you, that I want only you, that we belong together and you fucking slap me. What. The. Fuck. Bella?" I seethed through clenched teeth. "Damn fucking straight I slapped you, you bastard. In all the times I dreamed of you saying something like that to me, never did I imagine you would do it when I was in the middle of a fucking emotional breakdown. Did you just say it to try and make me feel better? Did you even mean it? And you don't want to share me, well isn't that just fucking rich. Maybe you should have thought about that before you proposed this whole you and Jasper fucking me thing. That would have been good to fucking know before it ruined our friendship, probably for-fucking-ever. Jesus Edward, you really don't fucking think sometimes, do you?" she spat out at me, her hand on her hips. Her righteous indignation over the current situation and disbelief at the heartfelt confession of my feelings just pissed me the fuck off. How dare she put all the blame for the goat fuck we found ourselves in all on me? I didn't hear her complaining when Jasper and I went to town on her. The anger that had been simmering below the surface exploded out of me. I stalked to her, causing her to startle and walk backwards untill she was up against my piano. Putting my hands on top of the piano, on either side of her torso, I leaned in, my body flush with hers. "How dare you blame me for where we are now. I didn't force you to kiss Jasper. I didn't make you agree to this. You did that on your own. You're just as much to blame as I am. And fuck Bella, do you really think so little of me that you think I would lie about something as serious as loving you? I meant every single fucking word I said. I love you,

more than you could ever even imagine. I put myself out there for you. Put my heart in your hands, and what do you do? You call me a liar and accuse me of only saying it to make you feel better," I said, then paused as something in her little rant came to the forefront of my mind and hope bloomed within me again, forcing out the anger and rage. "Bella, what did you mean when you said all the times you dreamed of me saying I love you?" I asked in a gentler tone, my nose skimming her cheek. "I ah … I meant that … oh fuck, Edward. I love you, so fucking much. I have forever," Bella stammered, whispering against my cheek. Her words hit me like a jackhammer. She loved me. Bella loved me. Bella fucking loved me. "Oh Bella … I love you too," I breathed out before kissing her. It was the kiss I had been waiting for. There was no holding back, no hiding what I felt, no pretending it didn't mean anything. My hands moved to press Bella against me further, one at her head and one on her back. There was no struggle from her, only surrender as her hands wove into my hair. Both of us surrendered to all that we felt for one another, all that we had been holding back and denying. Our lips moved together in perfect synchronicity, our tongues caressing each other. There was a slow sense of urgency to the kiss. That this was an important life-altering moment that we didn't want to rush and wanted to further at the same time. Bella seemed to melt against me as the kiss progressed, her legs failing to hold her upright. Moving my hands from her back to her waist, I picked her up, holding her to me while I moved around to the front of the piano, setting her down on the keys. They made a disjointed melody that brought us out of the haze our kiss had caused. Running my hands up and down her side, I nibbled along her jaw as her hands moved to my chest and under my suit coat to squeeze at my shoulders. I was curious if her idiocy was as deep as mine, so I quietly asked, "How long?" "Forever. Years. Since high school, almost a decade," she replied just as quietly, knowing what I was asking her. I laughed, fully and without hesitation. Her idiocy was as deep as mine. I knew in the back of my mind that there was shit we needed to settle and talk about, but I was too happy and overcome with my love for her and her love to me to give a flying fuck at the moment. "We're such fucking morons. So much wasted time," I said more to myself then to her. "You?" she asked, pushing my coat off my shoulders and down my arms. I let it fall to the ground, and then moved my hands to the tie of her dress at her waist. I

needed to be with her, needed to worship her, needed to finally show her openly how much I loved her. "The same, since I was fifteen. It was always you Bella, always," I said into her neck as her dress parted open for me. Fuck. Me. She was wearing the most exquisite underwear underneath: bra, panties and garter belt all matching pale pink satin and lace. I pushed the dress off her shoulders and it pooled at her elbows. My face nuzzled the valley of her breasts as I tried to calm myself, she looked so fucking delectable. If I didn't watch myself, it was going to be over way too quickly. "We're idiots. Why didn't you ever say anything or try anything until…" she trailed off. I knew what she wasn't saying, what she was thinking. Why had I suggested the arrangement if I loved her? Why did I agree to share her with Jasper? I wondered the same thing, now. At the time, it seemed like the good, safe thing to do. But looking at it now, with her looking at me with nothing but love shining in her eyes, it didn't seem like such a good reason anymore. "I was afraid, a coward. Wanting whatever little bit of you that you would offer me. I didn't think you could ever feel the same, so…" I trailed off, the anger and loathing coming to the surface again, only this time it was directed at myself. Her hands came to my face, lifting it up so our eyes could meet. She caressed my face and I leaned into her touch. "Hey, no, don't go there. Edward, it's okay. It was the same for me. The exact same for me," Bella said trying to soothe me, but her words just fueled the fire. "But don't you see, we could have avoided all this mess if we … if we just …" I practically growled out. "We can't change what happened. It happened and we have to accept it and move on," she said. "I don't know if I can, Bella. If I can let it go…" "Shush, Edward. Please, don't ruin this by talking about it," she begged me. "Bella, I…" "Shut up, Edward. Just shut the fuck up," Bella yelled at me while dragging my body to hers. "Feel Edward, just feel." Bella placed my palm at her chest so I could feel her racing heart. Whatever argument I had

for talking it out evaporated when I saw the want, need, and love in her eyes. She was right; there would be time enough to talk later. She had told me she loved me and that was enough … for now. Spurred on by the depth of emotions and feelings I saw in her eyes, I kissed her again, all thoughts leaving as I let my need for her take over. This wouldn't be the tender and worshipful love making I had hoped for after my confession, but there was time enough for that later as well. My hands unclasped her bra and it fell from her shoulders to pool with her dress at her elbows. Bella removed both articles of clothing as I palmed her breasts. She gasped as I trapped her nipple between my thumb and forefinger, pinching lightly. We hadn't been together like this in over a month. There hadn't been any kisses or sex or any kind of physical affection between us since Thanksgiving. And now, now there was love and need and all that came with it. Loosening my tie, but not taking it off, Bella purred. "I need you. I need you to touch me. I need you to taste me. I need you to show me." Again. Fuck. Me. Hard. Whatever little control I had snapped at her words. Picking her up, I dropped her on top of my piano. With a push from me on her chest, she fell back against the black lacquered wood. She was spread out for me like an offering at the altar of all that was sensual and desirable. Leaning over her, I kissed and nibbled and licked my way down from her breast to the lace of her garter belt. After fumbling with it for a minute, I gave up and tugged the scrap of lace and satin that made up her panties, ripping them from her body exposing her to me and causing her to gasp. Bella was truly an erotic vision come to life, all supple curves and smooth skin laid out before me. Her garter belt, the stockings and shoes the only remaining articles of clothing. "Fuck Bella, you have no idea … no idea how good you look right now. No idea what you're doing to me," I murmured against the lace at her hip and my cock ached to be in her. "Then show me, Edward. Show me what I do to you," Bella replied, leaning up on an elbow, her other hand running through my hair scratching lightly at my scalp. I lifted her dangling legs so that her feet rested on the keys. The song echoed in the room, but I didn't hear it as I ran my hands up her silk covered thighs, fingering the clasps of her garter belt before journeying up to where we both wanted me to be. Bella was already glistening and ready for me. My fingertips traced her entrance, teasing her before moving to her clit, pressing against it gently. Bella's back arched up off the piano and a loud cry issued from her lips. Before she could settle back down, I leaned forward and flicked her clit with my tongue. Her heels

pounded on the keys creating a cacophony of sounds that mixed with her pleas and moans to create the sweet sounds of her unbridled pleasure. Knowing she was already on the edge of her orgasm and wanting to prolong it as much as possible, I backed off to gently nibble and suck at her lips and clit. Her taste on my tongue and lips was the sweet nectar of the gods that I had been longing for. My fingers teased her entrance again before entering her. Bella's pleas became more insistent and her fingers clawed at my hair, urging me on. Giving in to her want, I pressed into her spot and took her clit between my lips, nibbling on the delicate nub. Closing my lips around her harder, I pulled on her slightly, sending her spiraling into her orgasm. I kept pressure on her, trying to extend the sensation. Bella keened and tugged harshly at my hair as her legs quivered and her body tensed. I had never seen her come so forcefully and I was in awe of the sight before me. As Bella calmed, her muscles relaxed and her hold on my hair lessened to where she was caressing my abused scalp. Giving her clit one final kiss, I pulled away only to pull Bella up by her waist into my arms. She sagged against me boneless, her face nuzzling the crook of my neck, clearly spent from her orgasm. Brushing the hair back from her face, I saw a small satisfied smile form on her lips and she positively glowed radiant from her release. "Bella, love…" I murmured kissing her forehead. "Hmmm…" she replied, not sleepy only spent. Damn I'm fucking good. Calm the fuck down there Casanova; can you feel your cock right now? I can, but this, right now, is so worth whatever ache there is in my balls. "Ya wanna go to bed?" I asked dreading her answer. "Unn-uhhh, you still have to show me Edward," she purred playing with the buttons of my shirt. "Umm, didn't I just do that?" I asked while turning around to where I now rested on the piano keys. Bella moved to wrap her legs around my waist the best she could, bringing her heat to press against my cock that was straining my pants. My hands moved to her ass, pressing her into me further. Kissing my neck and jaw, she started to unbutton my shirt, her hips making little motions against me. "Nope, that was just the warm up. I'm ready for you to really show me," she murmured into

my ear before biting my lobe hard and I hissed. I didn't know where this sex kitten Bella came from. She would occasionally come out and play, but never on this level. Experiencing her like this made me think very bad things and made me want to do very bad things. Bella had worked all the buttons on my shirt open and was now dragging her nails up my abs to my chest. "That was one hell of a fucking warm up then," I hissed as she pinched and pulled my nipples. Nipping at my chin she pulled my shirt from my pants before going for my belt buckle. I leaned back to give her more room to work. She worked my zipper down, brushing my length with her fingers in the process. "Edward, I know we should be making love right now … after everything that's happened, but I need you to be in me. I need you to fuck me right now. We can make love all night long later, but it's been so long and I need you so much," she said against my lips as she took my cock out of my boxers and stroked me. "Fuck, Bella," I growled before kissing her deeply and settling her on my cock. She sank down on me slowly, my dick filling her completely. I was struck by the feeling of how well we fit together. No one else in my limited experience had ever felt as perfect and right as Bella did. It hammered home the notion that we belonged together. That it was supposed to be her and me. "Jesus Edward, my God, so good," Bella moaned as she worked her hips over my cock. Sitting up a little bit, I tugged my boxers and slacks down further and they fell to my ankles. Sitting back down on the piano, the notes rang out as we moved together. Grabbing Bella's legs, I unwrapped them from around me, placing her feet on the keys after slipping off her shoes. This was an erotic fantasy brought to life. I was with my Bella on my piano. I had dreamed and thought of this moment for years and the reality was more than I ever thought it could be. I wanted to remember every single second of it, but the feeling of Bella around me was clouding my brain and making it hard to think. "Bella, love lean back…" I said against her collarbone. She looked at me confused for a second, before grabbing my tie and doing what I asked. Supporting her back, I lowered her so that her shoulders and upper back rested on the piano bench. The change in angle made us both moan loudly. She felt so fucking good this way; tight, slick and all mine. "Edward, please…" she begged.

"What do you need, baby? Tell me," I moaned, thrusting harder. "That, please harder. You feel so fucking good like this," she whimpered, pulling on my tie for leverage. "You too, it's never been like this … this good, this much…" I trailed off, words escaping me as I quickened my pace, thrusting into her harder. Our eyes locked onto each other's as we let all of what we were feeling out: frustration, stupidity, shame, remorse, anger and also need, want, pleasure, happiness and love. God damn, the love was there, shining bright and overshadowing all else. "Bella…" I gasped. "Edward…" she returned. "Fuck, I love you. I'm so in love with you," I said, the words barely getting out as I quickened my pace yet again. Bella clenched around me, as I hit the place inside her that drove her wild and filled her to the brim with ecstasy. "Edward, please. Right there, like that…don't stop," she moaned her mouth hanging open. Her walls fluttered around me as I repeatedly hit the place that made her body quake with pleasure and need in what I could only assume was a near constant orgasmic state. That's what it looked like and felt like, at least. "God I love you. I love you so fucking much," she moaned, her eyes still locked on mine. I felt the weight of her words. Though said in the throes of passion, that didn't diminish their truth. She loved me as I loved her. It was the balm my heart and soul needed. I needed to be closer to her, she was too far away. I needed to feel her skin against mine, needed to taste her lips, needed to look close in her eyes and see her love for me there. Pulling her up flush to me, our bodies slick with sweat, I shuffled over to the couch still joined with her. Laying her down, her head against the back, I knelt on the floor. Threading our fingers together near her head, I continued to push into her over and over. Our lips connected in a kiss that was sweet and slow, unlike the hurried, rushed movements of our lower bodies. Both of us were murmuring each other's names and "I love you" over and over. The moment was intimate and intense, moving from the hurried fucking of earlier to a true joining of our bodies and souls. We made love openly, feeding off the other's emotions, not hiding anything from each other. We reached our peak together; our eyes open as we watched each other fall into the

euphoria of our release. Our movements calmed as we came back to the present, small kisses and nibbles exchanged. No words were spoken; there wasn't a need. We knew what the other was feeling, we saw and felt it. A single tear left Bella's eyes and I wiped it away. It was a tear of joy, not sadness. Resting my forehead on hers, I told her I loved her and Bella repeated the sentiment. My legs were starting to cramp, but I didn't care. I didn't want to leave her embrace, didn't want to leave this moment. Eventually the ache in my legs couldn't be ignored. Cradling her to me, I walked us to our bathroom and turned on the shower. We removed our remaining clothing, stealing touches and glances. Picking her up, I entered the shower, letting the water wash away the sweat and evidence of our lovemaking. We washed each other, not to entice, but to simply be loving and care for each other. There were big goofy grins on our faces as we embraced and laughed in pure happiness. After we were clean, I turned off the shower and dried her tenderly, stealing touches then to entice and stir her lust. I needed to be with her again, but wanted it to be the slow worshipful love we both needed after our earlier frenzied coupling. Picking her up, I carried her to my bedroom. Laying her out on my bed, I crawled up over her, settling myself halfway on her, one leg between hers. We had never slept or been together in my room before. I didn't know why that was, or if there even was a real reason behind it, but here and now, I wanted to claim her as my own, as I was already hers whether she realized it or not. The kisses and caresses were slow and gentle. We rememorized each other's bodies with eyes and feelings wide open and on display. When I entered her, it was without hurry. The overwhelming need to rush was there, but was trumped with the need to worship and savor this experience. No words were needed, only soft moans and breathy gasps of "I love you" were exchanged as our eyes held each other's. We tumbled and floated into our release together again. It was softer that time, but still as intense and deep as before. After it was over, I gathered her to me, in my arms where she belonged. I kissed her lips, chin, cheeks, nose, eyelids and forehead whispering "I love you" after each. Bella brushed her lips across mine, telling me she loved me. Sleep claimed us quickly, but before I drifted off, I thought of how different that night turned out from what I had envisioned. I realized what happened was better and more meaningful than what I had planned. There was still much to talk about and figure out, but for now it could wait.

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AN: Thanks for reading, my beta rocks & I don't own Twilight. When the night falls on you You dont know what to do Nothing you confess Could make me love you less I'll Stand By You-The Pretenders Alice POV Umm… What the fuck just happened? No, seriously. What the fuck just happened? I could feel the sting of tears forming, but I didn't know why I was crying. I wasn't one of those girls, the ones that cry at the drop of a hat. It took a lot to make me cry, so the tears that were falling surprised me. What was going on? Everything had happened so fast and my brain was scrambling to catch up. Jasper had kissed me, even after he said he couldn't. He had closed the distance between us. I may have led him there, but he took the final step. And… And it was better than anything that had ever happened in my short life. Cheesy romance novels and movies talk about fireworks, tingling lips, and the fire under the skin. I had never believed that bullshit before. But God damn, when Jasper kissed me, the romantic, foolish, girly notions that I thought I had forgotten for myself by my fifteenth birthday all came floating to the surface. That was what everyone always talked about; everything I had shrugged off as rubbish was in fact real and true, and I was experiencing it right then when Jasper had kissed me. It was magical, and I thought I did hear angels singing in the background, or it could have been the music from the coffee shop. Just as quickly as it happened, it ended. Bella was standing there staring at us, her face full of confusion, anger and most of all, hurt. She was talking, but I couldn't hear her. It was like I was underwater and the words were muffled. Jasper and Bella exchanged words and I tried to say something, but Bella looked at me with disgust and loathing as tears ran down her cheeks, effectively shutting me up. For some reason, a feeling of guilt swept through me when Bella looked at me. I had nothing to be guilty for. Well maybe I did, but…

Then she was gone and Jasper was facing away from me, and I didn't know what had happened or what I should do. I knew I should have talked to Bella about my feelings for Jasper, but there hadn't been a time that it was just the two of us lately. There was something there between Jasper and me; something more than friendship, something more than mere attraction, something that I didn't have a name for. When Edward confessed to me of his love for Bella,and his plan to tell her, I then saw her love for him. The love between them had assured me it wouldn't be an issue for me to proceed with whatever Jasper and I had. Obviously, I had been mistaken. Bella's reaction to us kissing was evidence enough of that. There was clearly some crucial bit of information that I was lacking, and by fuck, I was going to find out. "Jasper…" I trailed off, lifting a hand to him, even though he was turned away from me. Jasper's shoulders fell, collapsing in on himself. His posture was that of someone defeated and lost. All I wanted to do was gather him close and take it all away, but something held me back. Anger, fear maybe? I didn't know, but some part of me was keeping my legs from moving and going to him. He was going to have to come to me, to explain to me what just happened. Slowly, Jasper turned to me, shoulders still slumped. When he looked up at me there was resolve, loss, determination, and regret on his face. Whatever had happened, whatever I missed in their exchange, it was serious. Gone was the earlier, happy atmosphere. "Alice, I need to tell you something, something important. But not here. Can we go to your place?" he asked in a defeated tone. "Sure, Jasper whatever you want… but the concert. It's important that we're there tonight," I replied, knowing how hurt Edward would be if we weren't. "This is more important…" "Jasper you don't understand. Edward, he... he…" I said, cutting him off and trying to make him understand. "Alice, trust me on this. What I have to tell you is more important than the concert," he said, cutting me off that time. He walked to me and took my hand, squeezing it gently. A small reassuring smile appeared on his face. "Okay. I trust you," I said squeezing his hand back. The walk to my place was quiet. Jasper held my hand and it was nice. Well, as nice as it could be considering I felt like I was walking to my doom. I had no idea what Jasper had to tell me, but I knew that whatever it was would shape our future relationship. I was scared, yet excited. This talk would also be an admission that there was something. That he felt it, too. That he

might even want to pursue something. The fluttering I felt when he kissed me returned as I let my seldom used 'stupid girly' side take over for a minute. It was nice to indulge it every once in a while. It made me feel normal in a way. We made it to my apartment, not a word spoken between us. Not turning on the lights, I sat down on the couch. Jasper sat on the coffee table facing me, his knees on either side of mine. Taking my hands into his, he looked up at me and the resolved, determined look was back. I braced myself for his words, opening my mind to take them in and comprehend before I reacted. "Alice, I like you. I think I might even love you. I know that's a shitty thing to say… to think. But once before, I thought I was in love. That the feelings that person made me feel… that I felt for them, were love. I was wrong, so very fucking wrong, and I might have destroyed everything because I jumped to conclusions. Because it was new and something I had never felt before, I automatically assumed it was love. I wanted it to be love. So with you, what I feel for you, I want to be sure. Sure of what I'm feeling, and what it is, before I label it. You're too important to jump to conclusions, too important to rush this, too important to not be sure before we proceed. Don't misunderstand me; I want you, I want to have something more with you, but I also want to be sure before that happens," he said with conviction and complete honesty. Mulling his words over before I replied, I thought I understood what he was saying. He had feelings for me, and because of some previous fuck up, he wanted to take things slow. This didn't explain the whole Bella at the coffee shop incident, but maybe… Oh Shit! Oh Shit! Oh Shit! Oh Shit! It was Bella. Bella was who he thought he had been in love with. The something that I had been missing fell into place. He had something going on with Bella - that explained her behavior, her reaction to our kissing, her hate and hurt, everything. What was confusing me was Edward. He loved her and I was pretty damn sure she loved him, so how did Jasper fit into the equation? Maybe the three best friends they appeared to be was all a lie? Maybe there was something more? There had to be. Otherwise, why would Bella be so upset about us, if she was in love with Edward? Maybe I was wrong about that, but I didn't think so. Anyone with eyes could see that they felt for each other in a not-only-best-friends way. "There's something else you haven't told me, isn't there? Something that's making you step lightly with us. Something that's keeping you from loving, from being with me," I said with a slight edge to my voice. "My life is complicated," he said, not meeting my eyes. "It's only complicated if you let it be," I replied, lifting his chin up to look at me. "Love is

simple, Jasper. Fear is what makes it complicated." Jasper snickered at my words and his face became a hard mask. "Fear, fear is what makes it complicated? I think fear is to blame for this whole fucking thing," he basically yelled, his tone and posture almost crazed. He stood up and started pacing around the small room, like an animal trapped in a cage, muttering to himself. I wanted to go to him, to try and comfort him, but I was afraid of him right then. "Jasper, just tell me, please. I don't think I can take waiting anymore," I begged, hoping to break though to him. "I'm fucking Bella," he spat out, his eyes intense and locked on mine. This news didn't shock me as much as one would expect it to. It was like I already knew deep down and simply needed the verbal confirmation to believe it. What hurt though was the hurt I imagined Edward must be feeling, or the hurt he would feel when he found out. It was funny that I was thinking of him and how this bit of info affected him, and not how it affected me. Maybe I was avoiding. Wouldn't be the first time. "Does Edward know?" I asked quietly. "Yeah, Edward knows. Alice, that's not all…" He trailed off. I was so confused about Edward knowing, his plan, his feelings, Bella's feelings, and just fucking everything. I was still missing something and I wanted to know everything so I could stop being confused and fucking deal with whatever it was, help if I could. "Jasper, stop with all this hedging bullshit. Just fucking tell me already," I huffed, upset with him. He came back and sat like he had been before, taking my hands in his again. The slightly crazed look was gone from his face, only remorse remained. "Alice, I'm going to tell you everything, all of it. But I need you to listen and not ask questions until I'm done. It's the only way I think I can get it out. Fuck, this is hard. Please remember that I want to be with you, it's you that I want. That everyone makes mistakes and fucks up, but we learn and grow from it. I don't want you to think badly of us, but I think that's impossible at this point," Jasper said, looking me straight in the eyes. "Okay, I promise. I'm here. I'm listening," I said, holding his hands tighter, my whole body rigid.

"See, we have this arrangement…" He proceeded to tell me everything. Leaving out the gory, explicit details, he told me how he was having sex with Bella, how Edward was having sex with Bella, how they had sex all together sometimes. He told me the tale from the beginning; how it all started on a night they were drinking back in September. How the next morning they had come to an agreement of sorts, and how things had progressed from there. He told me that he had never felt the way he had when he was with the both of them, how connected he felt to them during it. Jasper continued talking, telling me about how he was with women before the arrangement. That he had become tired and bored with the meaningless sex. About how he started to feel more for Bella or how he had initially thought it was something more than just sex. That he thought it was love, and told Bella that he was in love with her. That he now knew the feelings he thought were love, were his own desire for something more than just sex. Bella had taught him how to love and be loved, showed him a whole world he had been missing before then. He cried as he shared that he thought their friendship was ruined, that it would never be the same. That the two of them had been his life, and it gutted him to think they lost everything during the whole thing. Jasper confessed that he hadn't slept with Bella since meeting me except for one time on the day we met. It had ended terribly, with Edward not talking to him anymore, hating him it seemed. Since meeting me, he'd been trying to figure out a way to end it with Bella without hurting her anymore than possible. He knew how fragile Bella's self-esteem and feeling of worth were. If he told her he didn't love her like he thought he had, it would crush her and she would sink further into her own denial of self-worth. On his knees in front of me, arms clutched around my waist, he whispered into my stomach that he knew Edward was in love with Bella, and she was in love with him. He had just realized this for himself recently. He'd been blind to the feelings of his friends for so long, even though he always had an inkling of Edward's feelings. His biggest regret was that he probably ruined any happiness or future the two of them might have together with his own selfishness and fear. He knew Edward's feelings for Bella, but went along with the arrangement anyway because he didn't want to be left behind by the two of them. I ran my hands though his hair, shushing him quietly, comforting him the only way I knew, as I thought about everything he had told me. I could admit that I was shocked by his tale, by his admission, by the arrangement. However, I could see the logic and reasoning behind it - why they each had chosen to do it, why Bella had initiated it, why Jasper had done it, why Edward went along with it. Like Jasper had said earlier, it was fear that drove them. Fear of being left behind, fear of admitting you loved someone, fear of their rejection of that love, fear they didn't or couldn't feel the same, fear of losing your friends, fear of losing what was most important to you. I started to cry as the overwhelming feeling of loss came over me. I felt their loss as if it

was my own. I couldn't comprehend the depth of their feelings for each other. I'd never had anything close to what they shared. I could, however, understand how much they had to lose, how much they had already lost. What all this meant for Jasper and I was beyond my comprehension at the moment. Whatever we had could wait until everything else was sorted out and dealt with. In my heart I knew that what we did have, or could have, would survive this, even if it wasn't anything yet. He and I would make it through. In the end, regardless of the outcome of his friendship with Edward and Bella, we would be together. The thought comforted me. "You know he was going to tell her tonight?" I asked, putting my arms around his shoulders. "He was?" Jasper asked, looking up at me. "Mmhmm. The piece he's been working on, it's for her. It's called 'Beloved'. He was going to play it, then tell her in front of everyone. The whole grand romantic gesture thing," I said, my thumb rubbing the apple of his cheek. "I had no idea… Oh God, that's what you were trying to tell me earlier, isn't it?" he asked, his voice panicked. "Yeah... But I think my knowing, knowing everything, was more important. I hope she doesn't miss it though, it would crush him for her not to be there," I said quietly. "I don't think she made it, she was too upset. Fuck, this night just keeps getting better and better. I'm so sorry she was like that with you, Alice. She was mad and upset with me and took it out on you," Jasper said, moving to sit next to me on the couch and holding me close to him. "No, Jasper, I should have told her how I feel about you, that I was interested in you. Not that I needed her permission, but her blessing would have been nice. I'm as much at fault for her reaction as you are," I said, resting my head on his chest. He didn't respond except to rub my back with his palm. "What are you going to do now? Now that you know how they feel about each other. What are you going to do about the arrangement?" I asked, wanting and fearing his answer. "The arrangement's been over since Thanksgiving, we just haven't said it yet. We all know it, though. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want them together, they belong together, but I don't know if they can be after everything that's happened. I guess I'm gonna try and help each of them any way I can, any way they'll let me. That's if they're still talking to me," he said, sighing at the end. "It can be fixed, or at least I hope it can be fixed. It may not be the same as it was before, but Jasper… A friendship like yours is for a lifetime. They are a part of you, you need them

and they need you. The three of you may be in an unhealthy place at the moment, but that doesn't mean you can't heal and learn from this," I said, looking up at him. "You truly are an amazing woman, Mary Alice Brandon," he said, before leaning down to kiss me. I put my fingers over his mouth, stopping him before he could kiss me. I might not have had all the answers, or even a full understanding of the situation, but I definitely knew one thing: Jasper and I couldn't be together like that until he worked things out or at least was on the right path to working things out with Edward and Bella. "I can't Jasper, not yet. Not until…" I trailed off as a pang of loss went though me. I would wait for him, for however long it took. He was worth it, we were worth it. That didn't mean it wouldn't hurt or be hard while I waited. "I understand," he said, knowing what I had attempted to say. "I'll be here for you, for all of you. Always," I said, closing my eyes and enjoying for just this moment what it felt like to be held in his arms this way. "Always," Jasper murmured back his lips against my hair. ~xXx~ Ive written a note, Its pressed between pages That you've marked to find your way back. It says does he ever get the girl? But what if the pages stay pressed, The chapters unfinished, The stories too dull to unfold? Does he ever get the girl? This Ruined Puzzle-Dashboard Confessional Edward POV Early morning light filtered in through the curtains as I stared at the creature beside me. Bella was so fucking beautiful that it hurt to look at her with the conflicting thoughts swarming in my head, ugly and bitter. We had declared ourselves to each other and it was the single most amazing and significant moment of my life so far. There was still something nagging at the back of my mind as all of Bella's words from the night before wormed their way into my consciousness, though. What I had planned was going to hurt, but it had to be done. I had to do it. It would hurt

more than keeping silent for nine years, more than watching her be with Jasper, more than the thought of losing them both… Which would undoubtedly happen. My decision might not have been the smart or right one, but it was the only one I saw as having any possibility of success. Then again, it might ruin us beyond all repair. It was a risk I was going to have to take. I had to believe that the reward for the hurt and pain that came with my plan would be worth it in the end. I had to believe that, if I had any hope of going through with it. One thing was clear to me amidst the chaos in my mind: Bella wasn't whole. It gutted me to realize that my love couldn't fix that for her, that I couldn't fix this. She would never be complete if things stayed as they were. Even with our confessions of love and the hope it brought, it simply wasn't enough. I was a crutch and she needed to stand on her own. Feeling my heart go cold with my resolve, I knew what I had to do… I had to leave.