Series: Reconciled Sermon Title: Taking the healing road - Part 2 Passage: 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 Preacher: Dan Weyerhaeuser Date: 9.24.17 This morning is part 2 of a message we began last week. Q: Why are there so many jokes about relationships? A despondent woman was walking on a beach when she finds a bottle. As she rubs the grime off, out comes a Genii who says, “For releasing me, I will grant you three wishes! However, for every wish I grant you, I will grant your ex husband double.” “Why?” she asked! “That no-good two-timer left me penniless for his secretary!” “That’s just the way it is!” said the Genii. “Very well” said the woman. “I would like 10 million dollars!” Poof, 10 million dollars appeared at her feet, and the same instant far away 20 million dollars appeared at her ex husband’s feet. “I would like the world’s most beautiful home in Hawaii.” Poof, the deed to such a house appears and at the same moment, the deed for a house twice its size appeared at the feet of her husband. “And your third wish?” asked the Genii. “Scare me ½ to death!” Said the woman.
It is EASY to find jokes that poke fun at relationships, because while they can be great, they can also be really hard and painful, on every level. Internationally, nationally, & individually. I just need to look at my own family.
In 2015, I joined my siblings and parents to meet (just us) for the first time in 28 years to try to find some healing. My folks had divorced when I was in college and the impact STILL affects us. Initially, we kids felt we had to pick a side tearing OUR relationships & 30 years later, they still haven’t entirely healed for all of us. 2 ½ years later, 2 of my siblings aren’t speaking (if something doesn’t change they never will again), 1 is barely speaking to one of my parents and another not at all, some of us are trying to bring healing but without much progress… it’s a hurtful mess!
This is grievous because God did not make us to have relationship disintegration. He created us to enjoy relationships in which we thrive (and in which we experience HIM), but the moment that our first parents rebelled against God and turned our own way, a first impact of sin was to rupture relationships… ours with God and with each other. Christian relationships are not immune to this! In fact by the end of our text today we will see that bringing division between Christians is of special interest to satan, who seeks to o utwit us with his designs to keep us apart. This is not new! The Apostle Paul’s friendship with Christians in the church in Corinth had completely disintegrated. Over 18 months, Paul led enough people to Christ to start a church and install leadership. Not long after he left though, some leaders arrived from Jerusalem who taught false things (We’ll get to them later). They were impressive and talented men (professional orators) who won allegiance by painting a narrative of Paul as an unsophisticated, un-credentialed, amateur. The Corinthians, who were mesmerized by these men, bought it. They became ashamed of Paul. In these passages, we get to see how Paul responds. How do you not only take the “high” road… but the “healing” road in broken relationships with other Christians? When God’s grace and peace (1:2) are at work in you, how do you THEN respond to someone with whom you have a problem? Last week we saw Paul describe internal things: 1) Respond to the person with simplicity and Godly sincerity, 2) R ecall the union you both share in Christ, 3) Reconsider your response to do what they need. TODAY, he addresses what we do when you SPEAK with someone to bring reconciliation. Key point: We heal broken relationships when we rely upon Christ and speak truth with grace. For US to do all we can to bring reconciliation, there are 4 things to keep in mind: T ruth, Grace, and under that, Courage, and Caution. In Paul’s example, we will see… 1) Truth in reconciliation, 2) Grace and reconciliation, and underneath those, 3) Courage and reconciliation, and 4) Caution and reconciliation. READ 1.
Truth and reconciliation This teaching is here because v. 6 The majority…punished a man in the church.
2 2Cor. 2:5 Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. 6 For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough,
The church confronted a man who had PERSISTED in some sinful actions. Ok, but do Christians “punish” one another? What is THAT about? A: Jesus said, Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
We all at times say and do things that are just wrong. We all, at some point or another, s in against another Christian. When we do, Jesus says we all need someone to come to us and say, “What you are doing is wrong. Stop it.” The SPIRIT with which we do this we’ll get to in a minute. As Christians, we are ALL waging a war against our own capacities to think and want and say and do bad things (not all the time, but for sure some of the time). So if we see one another choosing sin persistently, or if as is here someone sins against US, Jesus wants us to confront it. Do that… and hopefully the person will say, “You are right. Thanks!” and it's done. We’ve won our brother. Speaking truth can bring reconciliation! HOWEVER, if they don’t respond that way, Jesus continues. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector… 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Jesus died to save us from our sins. He commands us to turn away from evil and turn to God. YES, He has grace and forgiveness for our sin, but these aren’t a license to think it doesn’t matter. I n the Corinthian church: Some wealthy Christians invited other wealthy people to meals before church services, but would not invite the poorer Christians, which embarrassed and humiliated them. They were sinning against each other! Some Christians were spreading rumors about Paul and by this gossiping caused people to pull back from him for no reason. They were sinning against him. HERE: Perhaps that’s what a man had done about Paul… and when he persisted, they p unished him. OR, 1) 1 Corinthians 5:1-5, a man in the church had been with his dad’s wife. Paul told them to “hand him over to satan to be taught not to blaspheme.” Remove him from the benefits of the church for a time, so he will repent. POINT: Someone had persisted in doing wrong and the church said, “Stop it!” KEY: They spoke the truth. And when the person wouldn’t, they followed Jesus’ teaching and said, “You are not welcome at church until you want to get this right!” They practiced tough love. K ey… they spoke truth. When someone has harmed us and our relationship has been broken over it, reconciliation cannot happen until the truth is spoken. We cannot help but pull back our soul! For reconciliation to happen, the truth must be spoken. TRUTH: This doesn’t only heal us, it actually lands us in a CLOSER place! A couple of months ago, I said something carelessly to a brother. I suggested he do something different in a situation. But it was an ill-timed conversation… I was not at all conscious of where we were at… and had my own things going on. I was careless. He thanked me for saying something and we parted. But a few days later he called and shared that how I handled that had hurt him. I had embarrassed him and could have done what I did in a much better way. He spoke truth to me. He was completely right! I was saddened I’d harmed my friend, and so glad he said something. But if he hadn’t spoken the truth, I wouldn’t have known we had a problem. I asked his forgiveness and thanked him, and today we are not only good, but we’re better.
POINT: Relationships are dynamic. When one breaks down, it cannot heal if you don’t speak the truth. It is amazing, though, when you label what’s wrong and share it and the other person hears, acknowledges and apologizes… healing comes quickly. When we DON’T speak the truth, we leave ourselves distant from our brother or sister! Denial or distance are the only two options. But speaking truth can mean healing. This is how God is with us! “Repent and believe…” our journey to be reconciled to Him begins with his speaking the truth to us that we need to repent. PA: NOTE: For some of us, this is no problem, but for others of us, this is a huge problem. We’ve learned from early on to avoid conflict. But Paul tells us to speak the truth in love. If you are not in a good place with someone, you have to say so. How? Figure out what’s wrong in 1 sentence and say that one sentence. Point: for reconciliation to happen, truth must be spoken. This is something you can trust God with.
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At the same time as we speak truth, we do so filled with grace… 2. Grace and reconciliation Look closely at Paul’s command to the church…
6 For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, 7 so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 So I beg you to r eaffirm your love for him.
Notice that when Paul says, turn to forgive and comfort this man, it is on no other condition except that he has sorrow over what he’s done. (Paul says he has sorrow, and doesn’t want it to become e xcessive and overwhelming). “When he admits it is wrong and has sorrow over it, at that moment “t urn to forgive and comfort him… He doesn’t say, “Wait until he has groveled a good long time.”
My grandmother became a Christian near the end of her life. I was in the car with her in St. Louis one day… turning the conversation to Jesus when I asked her, “Have you ever trusted Christ?” She said, “Yes… the last time you talked to me about Him!” She REALLY softened and became kind. That’s a good thing… she wasn’t always. Once right after we were married, I didn’t send a thank you note for a gift she had given. To her generation, that was something you never did. When we saw her next, she let us have it… for a WHILE. Afterwards she said to my mom, “I made them feel REALLY bad. I felt good about it.”
This is not Paul’s tone to the church. He doesn’t say reaffirming your love for him “after he has groveled and felt bad for a really long time” or “after he has made up for what he’s done.” There is no condition other than that having sorrow… that he confessed he was wrong (meaning agreed he was wrong), to restore him. That’s grace. This TOO is how God has been towards us. He speaks truth to us (“Repent for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand”) but THEN when we confess, He forgives us and restores us by grace. He forgives us without requiring our paying for what we’ve done. Early in our relationship, Lisa bought me a dart-board. We were at her folks house and I was throwing darts at the board. For fun, I hit my heel on the wall when the dart hit just to make a thud. But I did it too hard and my foot went through the wall. I felt horrible and said I was sorry. Her dad forgave it. KEY: He did this, knowing he, not I, would pay for fixing it. The forgiveness was free to me, but costly to him.
God forgives our sin when we confess, but Christ had to pay for our sin. Later in this book he will say, 5:21 God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him!
We are forgiven, not because we make restitution or have done enough penance. He doesn’t wait for us to “make up for what we’ve done.” Christ on the cross pays for our sin and so we are forgiven when He simply confess. This is called… grace! And we are to have that with each other! MORE, this also speaks to our DISPOSITION while we confront. While we speak truth, we don’t do this from a position of superiority as if we have no challenges of our own. We speak the truth to others about their actions knowing WE too are people who need forgiveness for other things. The ugliness in our heart may be different ugliness, but it is ugly. And if God has been gracious towards us, how can we not be towards others? Dietrich Bonhoeffer has a GREAT section about this in Life Together. He spends several paragraphs talking about how God WANTS us to see the imperfections of each other (to be disillusioned with each other) because until we do, we have a superficial view of each other. But WHEN we see each other’s imperfections, only at THAT moment can we make a decision to stay close to them through their sin and need for Christ’s sake. HOW? His key statement for how we remain attached to each other when we are disillusioned by each other’s sin is this…
Even when sin and misunderstanding burden the communal life, is not the sinning brother still a brother, with whom I, too, stand under the Word of Christ? Will not his sin be a constant occasion for me to give thanks that both of us may live in the forgiving love of God in Jesus Christ?
Thus the very hour of disillusionment with my brother becomes (uniquely opportune), because it so thoroughly teaches me that neither of us can ever live except by…the forgiveness of sins in Jesus Christ. When the morning mists of dreams vanish, then dawns the bright day of Christian fellowship. POINT: Our disposition is one of grace.
4 PA: Just like some of us struggle speaking the truth, others of us struggle sharing with grace. If you get angry easily, and even more, express anger easily, I would ask you if you do so with grace? Do you do so from a disposition that knows you too need grace all the time? Issues: 1) Is confronting people not “judging” them? These days we are so quick to say, “Who are you to judge me?” or “It's not my place to judge.” Are we “judging” when we confront? A: NO! In the church, it isn’t us that decides if someone is disobeying God… it’s the Bible. If someone is having sex outside of marriage, it is the Bible that says, “Don’t do that.” If someone lies to wiggle out of bad situations, the Bible that says, “You shall not lie.” We ARE supposed to notice if someone lives contrary to God’s Word and we see it, but we AREN’T to judge as if WE are the superior who assigns punishment someone owes to us. We aren’t to judge as if WE condemn. But we ARE to evaluate, or Jesus command makes no sense. 2) What if the person DOESN’T respond with repentance and confession? This is a possibility! Paul’s painful visit was like this! A1: A person may have not responded to you with humility enough times that they have demonstrated an unwillingness to repent… there may come a point where you don’t keep going back. A2: THIS is where our call is to do all we can for reconciliation, but the results are ultimately in God’s hands. We have been God’s agent of healing… they have to decided to accept that. But THAT’S why, underneath these things there are 2 others… 3. Courage and reconciliation It takes courage to press into what’s wrong so that reconciliation can happen. This was true then. In his previous letter, Paul had directed the church to confront this man. But notice what he said… 9 For this is why I wrote, that I might TEST you and know whether you are obedient in everything.
It was a test because it is SO easy NOT to confront. YET… if they held back confronting, they were not loving the man enough to try to stop him from his self-destructive life. TRUTH: you hold back from confronting someone, especially about something that stands between you and them, and you thwart the possibility of reconciliation. Reality… it takes courage to confront and bring reconciliation. KEY: This is a process GOD in habits.
1 Corinthians 5:3 For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. 4 When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, 5 you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.
When you step into confrontation, it is not you and the person. Christ is in this and wants to use it! Right-spirited confrontation is a means of the grace of God in someone’s life. It is a gift to do this. That is emboldening. PA: See confronting someone as a place in which you are relying upon, and following, Jesus. God’s job is to bring repentance, their job is to respond in humility (though ultimately that is between God and them), your job is to speak your one-line-description of what’s wrong from a spirit of grace and leave the results in God’s hands. Last underlying thing… 4. Caution and reconciliation Reconciliation is relational surgery. When a surgeon operates to repair an organ, it is a delicate procedure. She is cautious, not only with every step of the process, but especially to guard against infection along the way.
I had surgery a couple of years ago, and was surprised at how antiseptic (and cold) the operating room was.
When we are seeking for reconciliation, we have to be cautious as well. I say that because of v. 10-11.
10 Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11 so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.
5 Apparently satan has a special designs ( or the KJV used to say devices) to outwit Christians and keep us divided (even INCREASE our division). V. 11 startles me to think that when another Christian and I are not in a good place, a primary cause MAY be that we are being outwitted by satan’s devices. What are those? There are a couple of examples… Paul says… 10a Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive.
A man has sinned against him (apparently) and Paul had heard that the man confessed, though Paul didn’t hear the details. BUT, he didn’t NEED to hear the details. If the church said he was sorrowful that was all Paul needed to know. The device of satan that Paul is not falling to here is demanding to know all the details of someone's confession to forgive. We can say, “If I don’t hear (this certain thing) then I won’t forgive. We can set up our own criteria for examining if someone is truly sorry and require a person to jump through that hoop. But Paul didn’t need to know the details. He heard they were sorrowful and that was all he needed to know. One device of satan to outwit us is scrutinizing, demanding forgiveness. Another device of satan is avoided in what comes next… 10b Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ,
Paul was not slow to forgive. He didn’t carry a grudge. He was conscious that this would harm the church and so for your sake in the presence of Christ, he forgave. The word “forgive” here is charidzimai… express favor. Another device of satan is being slow to forgive and heal. If we are reluctant to forgive even when someone has expressed sorrow, we may be getting outwitted by satan’s devices, and that’s why Paul wants us of this. NOTICE: The unity of God’s people is a holy thing to God, and I pray to us. God cares about it, and so does satan. That’s why God works in our lives to bring it.
Christ Together is a partnership of area pastors that we’ve loved for years. Go Together is one expression of it. At our very first retreat, several pastors were sitting together sharing our testimonies. One of them had gone to someone else and spoken to them about me without ever having talked to me about it first. Truthfully, I wish he’d come to me with something, but he didn’t. I was our youth pastor at the time, and so it bothered me. But I didn’t know him so I let it go. But now here we were around a fire, sharing the story of each other’s conversions, and taking the Lord’s Supper together. The message from God to me was clear… I want you to deal with this unresolved issue. God PUT us there! As I took the Lord’s supper, I said, “Lord, I will deal with this tonight… though I don’t know how.” When we said good night, my brother said, “Could we talk for a minute?” I said, “YES!” He asked me about that incident and I was able to say, “I wish you’d come and talked to me.” He asked forgiveness, and I did to that I had not approached him. This was something God wanted. I hold this man in highest regard and love… but it would not have happened if we hadn’t reconciled.
As a Christian, Paul exhibits these 4 things around reconciliation: Truth, Grace, Courage, and Caution.
Response: People considering Christ: So much does Jesus change our lives that his love for us is a greater good than people’s harm to us has been a bad. I don’t know if you can imagine that, but SO healing is worshipping Christ that He can bring a peace to your heart you’ve never known. MORE, you can be reconciled to God through Him as His daughter or son! But as He speaks truth to you, you need to hear that you need to “repent.” You need to say, “I’m sorry for not trusting you. Thank you for paying for my sins. Please come into my life and be my King, I trust You!” If you’ve not said those three things to Him, do it! Christians: Could you be getting outwitted by satan? What is a step forward for you with this? What are you waiting for? Before the sun goes down tonight, act, or at least have a plan to act that includes dates! He can bring healing. At LEAST He can bring you to a place where you have done all you can to be at peace. It is a holy thing to have a union that has come by Christ! And it shows Christ to the world!
On March 18, 1990, in Alliance Nebraska, a group of local churches wanted to bring the gospel to their little town. After a year of prayer, 180 people came together and held the first of a week of meetings. The night wasn't marked with the fiery evangelistic preaching, a gospel presentation, or “altar call.” The music low-key as was the message, which was a simple call to reconciliation with God and with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
6 As the meeting closed and the worship team played “I Love You With the Love of the Lord,” two women spontaneously stood up at opposite ends of the Alliance Evangelical Free Church sanctuary and began walking towards each other. Everyone in the room…everyone in TOWN knew who they were! They had the same last name. One of them was divorced from her husband after bitter proceedings; the other had recently married the same man. As the music played, everyone watched and held their breaths, wondering what would happen when these two enemies met in the middle. When they met, though, it wasn't in anger, but in repentance! They hugged each other and wept, as first one, then the other, offered, and then received forgiveness! The Spirit of God did this, and more. 24 people came forward and received Christ, though there was no Gospel invitation. The nightly meetings extended from 1 to 10 weeks. Hundreds of people from western Nebraska and even Wyoming and South Dakota, came to Alliance and attended the meetings. God poured His Spirit out on Alliance! And who knows how many walked into the Kingdom of God as a result?
This could be your story too! What does Jesus want you to do?!
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Small Group Leader Notes September 24, 2017 From Pastor Dan… Hello Small Group Leaders and anyone else using these notes, These verses are part 2 of Paul’s call to take, not only the “high” road, but the “healing” road with others. Last week we looked at things within ourselves to prepare us before we speak to those with whom we have conflict. Today, Paul shares several principles for how we actually engage with people to bring healing. This is very practical material. It also is a way that we protect our community from being “outwitted” by satan in our lack of care. I pray God uses your time to bring good change. Warmly, Dan Our Scripture Study… Series: Message #: Sermon Title: Passage: Preacher: Date:
Reconciled 4 Taking the healing road (Pt 2) 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 Dan Weyerhaeuser 2017-9-24
SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS
Getting to know each other: What scared you when you were young? The reason for asking this question is this… Paul continues writing about reconciling with other Christians with whom you have been in a bad place. For ,many people, the idea of conflict and confrontation is scary. Personal Study: As you study (read, reread, consider, ponder, reread) the passage, list observations you make from the text. What is the main point of this passage? How is the theme developed? What “Aha’s” come to you as you read? What questions come to mind? How do you respond to the God seen in these verses? Bring your observations and questions to your Small Group this week! —————————
2 Corinthians 2:5-11
Context: In this passage, Paul again speaks to a situation in the church in Corinth without giving specifics. “A man” has been “punished by the majority” of the church. Many believe this is the man in 1 Corinthians 5 who has “had his father’s wife.” There Paul challenged the church to practice “tough love” (i.e. Matthew 18 “church discipline”) to influence the man to stop. Others have guessed that this is someone who vehemently “sided” with the heretics (see last message) that the penitent church had “disciplined.” We’re not sure. We DO know Paul shows us more here about how Christ’s brings reconciliation to broken Christian relationships, now in how we interact. 1. 2:5 While we don’t know for certain, the situation here may be 1 Corinthians 5:1-11. Read that text. What is the problem Paul addresses there? What is his counsel? What was his hope?
8 Apparently after a man died or divorced his second wife, his son began a relationship with his step mother. Even by today’s standards, this is immoral. The church, however, had come to believe that “freedom” in grace meant that there were no boundaries including this one. From Paul’s comments, it seems that this was not only something everyone knew about, but that the young man was unwilling to give up. They had gotten to the point over time. Therefore Paul directed them to practice “discipline.” Literally he say, “hand him over to satan to be taught not to blaspheme.” The point was not hoping the person would be eternally judged. The point was that for a time, outside of the covering and benefits of being a part of the church community, the man would be on his own and realize his need for the church and God (and be taught not to blaspheme). KEY: If v. 4, Paul says that in carrying out this confrontation, “the power of the Lord Jesus is with you…” In other words Jesus USES this practice as a means of bringing repentance and healing in people. 2. While “tough love” (“Church discipline”) is hard, it serves a crucial purpose. If someone refuses to abandon sinful and destructive behavior, it is a spiritual intervention. It also protects the church. KEY: the goal is restoration. Read Matthew 18:15-20. How do you react to Jesus’ words? This is a group reaction question . 3. How is speaking “truth” critical for true reconciliation to happen? Why? IF something harmful has been done, confrontation means addresses the barrier so that it can be dealt with. The alternative is denial (pretending all is well when it isn’t) OR distance that remains. 4. 2:6-8 This man made sinful choices and everybody knew about it. How might a church treat someone like this? What is Paul’s instruction? Can we imagine ways that someone who has made bad choices could be “ostracized” by a church community? Anyone know an example of this? Why do you think we do this? 5. How important is it that Lakeland is a place that “forgives” (when necessary) and “comforts and affirms our love for” people who’ve made bad choices? What has Christ done for us to make that possible? This is important if we are to reach people in our community with the gospel. More and more, the folks that join us will not “look” like us, and likely will have made big mistakes in their lives. The truth is we have ALL made huge mistakes in our lives… we are all in need of grace. KEY: it is VERY important that our guests experience in us a welcome and joy that they are with us. It is our hope that people “belong” and even begin to “behave” like Christians as part of their coming to “believe” in Christ. Christ has made this possible for us because He has welcomed us! 6. 2:9 Paul had challenged the church to confront the issue. What things might have prevented this? (Eg: Why is it hard to confront?) Group discussion question. 7. 2:10-11 What is Paul’s point here? How could satan “outwit” us? Apparently satan wants to “outwit” us through harming our Christian unity. More, he has “designs” (KJV “devices”) aimed and keeping us in a bad place with each other. In v. 10, Paul extended forgiveness to this man on the basis of knowing the Corinthians knew what had happened. In other words Paul extended forgiveness without knowing all that had happened (10a). ALSO, Paul was also conscious that as part of the healing of this man with the whole community, he forgave him (10b). He didn’t hold off or hold back or delay forgiving the man… he forgave him without delay so as not to slow down the reconciliation and healing process. 8. Read 5:18-20. How might Christ’s work for us make THIS teaching possible? We will keep coming back to this central text in the book. This command for us to be reconciled to others is given to Christians who, because of Christ, have been reconciled to God. If you have been reconciled to God, that makes you able to press towards reconciling with people
9 9. Name one way you can apply this passage this week?
