june 1 - june 30 2017 - ISSUE 10

! ition d e n er fu m m su

TENTH issue SPECTACULAR!

SH RT FUSE S H o r T Fu S e S u m m er r eC IP e : w eIr d T a n lIn eS

T

By emma Marr urn your skin into designer leather with this quick and easy SHORT FUSE recipe! (Sun not included) Ingredients: Lots of SPF 0 tanning oil One Mesh tank top 3 - 60 strips of Duct Tape 1 pair Crocs Dose of Bad Judgment 2 - 3 hours Drinking before noon Step One: Listen carefully, this will make or break your tanline journey. Open the bottle of SPF 0 tanning oil, (or cooking oil of choice) and proceed to dump the container in its entirety onto your body. Making sure you are fully covered for the crispiest of tanlines. Step Two: Place your mesh tank top on. You may also pair it with a tasteful mesh shorty shorts to fully complete the look. Lattice is the new black, after all! Step Three: Cut your duct tape into varying sizes and widths. Create a pattern on exposed skin, placing the duct tape directly onto your skin. We recommend the initials of your SO, to immortalize your love. Step Four: Place your feet in your Crocs of choice. Making sure that the holes on the top are visible to the sun. The brighter the colour, the better. Step Five: Take any remaining good judgment you have leftover from last year’s summer kegger and dispose of it immediately. Step Six: Pick your poison of choice. We recommend a fruity margarita, filled with liquid confidence (aka tequila) so you can fully savour this recipe. Be sure to consume said drink before noon and accept any dares you are given. Step Seven: Go outside. Sit on your favourite lawn chair, tractor, roof, etc., and sleep for 25 - 60 mins under a sun at about 30 degrees Celsius. Step Eight: Enjoy. Bask in the glory of your terrible tan-lines.

D

10 issues and it feels so good!

ear Reader,

By Pamela haasen

Thank you for picking up the latest issue of Short Fuse. This is a special issue because it marks a milestone in our organization: THIS IS OUR TENTH ISSUE! Short Fuse was a test for us at LondonFuse, to see if London wanted a new print publication and boy have we got our answer! The response to Short Fuse has been so warm. We hope to continue to grow and fold more people into the creation of this “little print thing that could.”

As this is issue 10, I’ll mark the significance with this note: We can only grow if we are supported and if more Londoner’s know that Short Fuse is here for them! Please leave a copy on a bus, or a table in a restaurant or market. Give it to a stranger, leave one in between books in the library. We are so proud to continue to bring you local content, by great Londoners so that you can enjoy life in London a little more. Here’s to 10 more!

londoners want to ride their bicycles, they want to ride their bikes I’m By ryan Craven just going to say it. London, Ontario has the most dynamic bicycle history of any Canadian city. I apologize if you just spit out your coffee, but I meant every word I spoke. This may be hard to believe but London’s bicycle history is filled with surprising stories and national firsts and it all began with the Forest City Bicycle Club (FCBC), which formed in 1882.

Although it was not Canada’s first club, members of the FCBC and others in the area believed that Canada should have its own national bicycle association. Previously established clubs in Toronto and Montreal didn’t share the same opinion, choosing to join the League of American Wheelmen. Their loss. In 1882, the same year the Forest City club was established, they formed

the Canadian Wheelman’s Association (CWA). London was the first club to officially join. The CWA eventually changed its name to the Canadian Cycling Association (Cycling Canada) and still operates today as Canada’s oldest sport governing body. Soon after the CWA was formed, Canada’s first bicycle publication was started right here. The “Canadian

Wheelman” was published in London from 1882 to 1889. Despite the patriarchal language, bicycles played an important role in the Women’s Movement of the 1890s. Susan B. Anthony said the bicycle “has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world.” Bicycles quite literally gave women Continued on page 4

London Fuse 211 King Street, London ON, N6A1C9, londonfuse.ca

june 1 - june 30 2017 - ISSUE 10 - PAGE 2

INNER FUSE Breaking the bubble: Life after Barney’s

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By Amanda Fogaca

or the newly arrived in Canada, London’s famous bar patios are a mystery at first. Once you survive winter here, though, you too start running towards the nearest patio on that first sunny day. London’s go-to seems to be Barney’s, but downtown doesn’t stop at just one patio, so why should you? Since this is my first summer here, I administered a very scientific survey (my friends) to find the best patios that aren’t Barneys: #1 The Morrissey House – Morrissey’s has been my favourite Lon-

don bar from the start. I love their artsy, old-timey atmosphere. With a wide selection of local beers, the best nachos in town and friendly patronage, you can’t do better than good old Morrissey’s. #2 London Ale House – This little gem has a sidewalk patio on Dundas Street and another one at the back. I’ve heard nothing but good things about their food and their beer selection. Adding to the fun, Ale House is open until 2 am every day, and offers live music on Friday and Saturday nights. #3 Runt Club – A little closer to

downtown but still off Richmond, The Runt Club offers a friendly and quiet atmosphere, perfect for a relaxing summer day. They are open late even during the week and offer free popcorn – what more could you want? #4 Jack Astor’s Bar & Grill – If you don’t want to venture out of Richmond Row, my survey suggests Jack Astor’s is the place to go. Conveniently located, their rooftop patio offers a beautiful view of downtown, made even better by a plate of ‘shareables’ and rounds of your favourite pitcher.

DID YOU KNOW? - about seven per cent of your body weight is blood!

I’ve

Ghosts

By Michael Del Vecchio

always considered myself someone who doesn’t believe in ghosts. I’m deathly afraid of ghosts... but I do not believe in them. So when I started working at a century-old, large, echoey, and creaking concert hall in London, ON, I wasn’t phased by the paranormal experience stories that came with it. You know, I was told all about the figures seen on the immense, high Victorian style stage complete with billowing red, velvet curtains. I was told about the things people had seen on the security cameras. I was also told about certain performers who refused to return to the hall because they were spooked on stage. I’ve even been told by volunteers about their random encounters with ice cold chills. Still though, I knew anything that had happened was just coincidence or misunderstanding. Until one night. I was the last one in the building following a piano recital. I had a slightly eerie feeling while covering up the piano and moving it off stage. But, I kept my wits about me as per usual and got my stuff done and got out of there. It was early the next morning, I was heading into work first to open up. I turned off the alarm and headed up to the hall. I remember very well, putting that piano away. I knew I did. When I reached the top of the stairs, I cracked one of the 10-foot window shudders to gain some light and what was the first thing I saw? A giant CF III Ya-

in the

Music Hall?

maha Grand Piano in the middle of the stage. It sat there in defiance of logic and nature as I stood there like a deer in headlights. As I said, I’m deathly afraid of ghosts... But I do not believe in them… right? After a paralyzing 30 seconds (roughly), I came to my senses and bolted out. I’ve never ran so fast, I

jumped down two flights of stairs, and bodychecked the stage door to the back of the building. I had made it all the way out to Rectory Street, still running. Then, I realized... we had our piano tuner from D&S Pianos in that morning… embarrassment, check. So, I’m still deathly afraid of ghosts, but I do not believe in them.

London Fuse 211 King Street, London ON, N6A1C9, londonfuse.ca

june 1 - june 30 2017 - ISSUE 10 - PAGE 3

INNER FUSE 3 chord campfire tunes B

By Gerard Creces ecause nothing says summertime like drinking warm beer around a campfire with a bunch of buddies. 1 – Wagon Wheel Old Crow Medicine Show (G-D-Em-C) Rock me mama like a bullet to the brain – this song is so overplayed that it should be banned from human consumption. Great for singalongs though. 2 – The Sweater Song, Weezer (G-C-D) Nobody can resist shouting “AS I WALK AWAY” during the chorus. Bonus points if you also do the dialogue parts between verses.

3 – Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash (C-F-G) This song is usually requested by drunk people who know the words “Love is a burnin’ thing...” and nothing past that. 4 – What I Got, Sublime (D-G) The quintessential stoner song – perfect for the campfire. Pairs nicely with doobies. 5 – Free Fallin’, Tom Petty (A-D-E) Who isn’t crazy about Elvis? Tom Petty hit it out of the park with this campfire classic. 6 – Stir it Up, Bob Marley (A-D-E) I wonder if Bob Marley knew this song would become an anthem for white

college kids with a deep connection to their reggae roots? 7 – Jane Says, Jane’s Addiction (G-A) So simple but so deep. With no repeating chorus, you better know all the words. 8 – All Summer Long, Kid Rock (G-C-D) Have some self-respect and at least learn the Lynyrd Skynyrd version.

9 – Dead Flowers, Rolling Stones (A-D-G) A classy addition to your campfire set list. It’s like the Stones had May 2-4 in mind when writing this one. 10 - Hey Hey My My, Neil Young (Am-G-F) Because Keep on Rockin’ in the Free World should be criminalized. This song MUST be sung in a Neil Young voice.

For true Londoners, Wally World was summer

R

By Nicole Borland

emember when the clock struck June and the city was all a flutter with summer lovin’? Most Londoners had one thing on their mind: Wally World! You were either a cool teenager who got to meet your crush under the umbrella fountain, an over-excited adolescent just waiting for that year end trip, or a tired parent who was sick of your children’s begging. No matter which situation it was, the successful outcome was a big ol’ trip to Wally World in that beaver wood station wagon. Having officially opened in 1985 as a mini putt course, Londoner’s had to wait another two years for N-J Spivak Ltd. (a concrete company) to pour, set, and build the water park. Then came the batting cages, then came the go-kart track, then came newer, faster slides, and then came thousands of memories that locals and visitors alike would cherish the rest of their lives. It was Wally World and it was glorious. Sadly, in 2002 the tides of recreation started changing and Wally World had to close its doors (aka a

chainlink fence) and drain its pools. You can still get a taste of its former, Poseidon-worthy glory at East Park (1275 Hamilton Road). Their waterpark features Wally World’s five large slides for nostalgic rides. But that 1980s’, semi-dangerous, gritty charm… it’s the stuff of memories. Let’s not get sad about it, let’s reminisce. Here are the five best memories from the OG Wally World and, you’re welcome. 1 - Those super seasoned, salty, kettle chips in the paper cone. Daaaaaamn. 2 - The Lazy River. And if you dared get out early, hundreds of pea stones attacked your feet on the bottom. Glorious. 3 - The height restrictions. The day you finally achieved big-slidestatus. Euphoria. 4 - The wedgies. The Bullet… where did your bathing suit bottoms even go? 5 - The Wave Pool. Scary machinery sloshing 50 screaming kids around. Awesome! Wally World, we miss you dearly, but at least we’ll always have our memories. Check out LondonFuse.ca for the full history and some then and now photos of Wally World!

WALLY WORLD LIVES ON AT EASTPARK GOLF. PHOTO COURTESY OF EASTPARKGOLF.COM

10 S u m m er jo b s w e ’v e a ll en d u r ed 1 – Fry cook Every teen has at some point been stationed above a deep fryer, sweating into a never-ending basket of French fries. 2 – Theatre usher This job mainly involves standing around and talking to your friends. 3 – Mowing lawns All it takes is an old mower, a bike and a gas can and you can start your very own business. 4 – Scooping ice cream Your forearms and wrists will take a beating as you pile on the scoops for demanding tourists. 5 – Baseball umpire/soccer referee If you love taking abuse from helicopter parents, get your umpire’s license.

6 – Day camp counsellor Who doesn’t love trying to keep the attention of 20 kids all hopped up on popsicles and freezies? 7 – Ice cream bike The good news is you will be super fit from all the biking. Don’t eat your profit. AND FOR COUNTRY KIDS... 8 – Doing hay You stack bales of hay on a wagon, then stack them again in a barn. 9 – Stone picking Walk up and down miles of field loading stones into a bucket. Repeat. 10 – Chicken catching Grabbing chickens and shoving them into crates. Exactly as fun as it sounds.

COME. SIT. STAY. Daily Specials! Live local bands every Friday!

Pub & Eatery

699 Wilkins Street dawghouse.ca

London Fuse 211 King Street, London ON, N6A1C9, londonfuse.ca

june 1 - june 30 2017 - ISSUE 10 - PAGE 4

SH RT FUSE WOrd Up

by the pUzZlOr

ACROSS 1 – Inner-ear component 8 – Cat-eating alien 11 – Excessively motionless? 12 – Wade opponent 13 – Quick way to get from here to there 15 – Bundy and Borland 16 – Violent water 17 – Ancient Spain 19 – Tangle up 22 – Meat marbling 25 – Start of an excuse (3 wds) 28 – Short snooze 29 – Bob and Doug’s dog 30 – Classroom helpers 31 – Guys like Steven Segal in Under Seige DOWN 1 – Locomotive lunch 2 - “My bad” 3 – Latin: 102? 4 – Tokyo airport code 5 – Small screen setting 6 - Transcending criticism 7 – Intellivision rival 8 - Seat warmer

eX P lo r e lo n d o n !

FUN FOR THE FAM OR JUST YOU! Best Ice Cream Places: 1. Merla Mae - 1080 Adelaide Street N 2. Double Decker - 663 Wellington S 3. Haven’s Creamery - 226 Piccadilly Street 4. Twistee Treat - 560 Southdale E 5. London Ice Cream Company - 43 Base Line Road W Amusement Things: 1. Storybook Gardens - 1958 Storybook 2. East Park London - 1275 Hamilton Rd 3. Boler Mountain - 689 Griffith Street 4. Fleetway - 720 Proudfoot Lane

5. The Hood Archery Games - 1116 Dearness Drive # 20 Parks: 1. Springbank - 1085 Commissioners 2. Victoria Park - 509 Clarence St 3. Gibbons Park - 2A Grosvenor 4. Westminster Ponds - 696 Wellington 5. Fanshawe Conservation Area - 1424 Clarke Road Splash Pads: 1. Gibbons Park 2. Rowntree Park 3. Lambeth (Centennial Park) 4. Forks of the Thames

5. Kiwanis Park 6. West Lions Park 7. South London Community Centre Hiking: 1. Meadowlily Trail - Moderate 2. Fanshawe Lake Trail - Moderate 3. Medway Forest Trail - Easy 4. Kilally Meadows - Easy 5. Greenway Park Trail - Easy 6. Thames River Trail - Easy 7. Sifton Bog Dock Trail - Easy

Continued from page 1 greater mobility and led to the invention and popularity of bloomers. But how does this relate to London? Keep pedaling, we’re getting there. Muriel (Minnie) Evangeline Payne, of London, became the first female in Canada to compete in a bicycle race. Her father, William Payne, opened

a bicycle shop at 147 Dundas Street, which may have been the first in Canada. However, this is just the tip of the historical iceberg. If you’d like to hear the rest of the story and ride to some of the significant sites, join me for London’s Bicycle History Tour on Thursday June 22 at 7 p.m.

The ride is starting at “the guns” in Victoria Park. If you can’t make the tour, you can check out three historical panels that tell the story, located on the main branch of the Thames Valley Parkway between the Forks and Springbank Park.

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and Elliott 24 – One half of Wyld Stallyns 26 – ____Lo Green 27 – Discoverer’s palindrome

FROM PAGE 2 (L-R)

- Go

18 – Get the dirt off 19 – German article 20 – College sports body (abbv) 21 - Drains 22 – 1 down, for example 23 – Actors Butterfield

Dragon Warrior 3 Blades of Steel Mega Man 3 (Top Man stage) Castlevania 2: Simon’s Quest Pro Wrestling Mike Tyson’s Punch Out

j u n e S u m m er Fu n G u Id e

9 – Crotch cloth 10 – Mandalorian surname 11 - ___ La La 14 – Gun nut org. 17 – The Prancing Pony in Bree, for example

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London Fuse 211 King Street, London ON, N6A1C9, londonfuse.ca