may 2018 - ISSUE 21

short fuse N ANIMAL EDITIO

meet our winner!

Phylis

Pogue

Nicknames: Poguers, Malone, Stink, Mr. Tink, Tiny, and Goon Age: 6 Breed: Boston Terrier Pogue, meaning “kiss” in Irish Gaelic, comes by the name honestly. If you’re not paying attention he can get his tongue to your tonsils before you have a chance to blink. Despite his size he has no fear and will take on the biggest, surliest dog at the park. He makes sure everyone knows he’s the boss everywhere he goes. He’s the best hiking partner, guard dog, little brother to the cat, and pal ever. Submitted by Carly Griffith

Ingrid Nickname: Teen Mom I rescued Ingrid from the streets at four months old. A month later, in what resembled an episode of Jerry Springer featuring teens who didn’t know they were pregnant, she gave birth to two kittens and earned the nickname “Teen Mom”. She loves kale and lettuce, talking, staring (hence the secondary nickname: “Hypnotoad”), fetching hair ties, and is the strangest little creature I’ve ever known. Submitted by Cindy Obeirn

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short fuse cover model contest finalists

Bubby

Nickname: Bubilicious Originally named Link, eventually her name was changed to Bubby because she’s just such a cute little Bubby. She’s one of the sweetest cats in the world and if she likes you a lot, she’ll want to sit on your shoulder the second you come through the door. Also, she needs attention 24/7. Submitted by Tiffany Asselstine

Nickname: Phylis Cheese Steak Phylis is the funniest person I know and has always been a talkative little floof. She loves food more than any cat in this world. When she was younger, she could jump up to six feet in the air... or as high as she needed to try and steal food from whoever might be eating. Submitted by Tiffany Asselstine

Penny

Nicknames: Penny Baby, PB, Dumpling, Football Body. Meet Penny, our 4 year old chubby tabby. She is a rescue kitty who is equal parts sweet and sassy. Her greatest achievement is the time she jumped to the top of her cat tree from the couch. She was proud. She also likes to watch wrestling with us. I love her with all of my heart and she kind of loves me back. I’ll take it. Madison Cawker

London Fuse 24 bathurst Street, London ON, N6b1n7, londonfuse.ca

may 2018 - ISSUE 21 - page 2

INNER FUSE

The taxonomy of us, our fungal friends and of course, our pesky parasites BY GERARD CRECES

All living things - all creatures great and small - can be classified using seven taxonomic ranks. Taxonomy, by the way, is the sexy, mile-a-minute world of classifying things. So what do we have in common with everything that lives? Our DOMAIN. Yup. You, the tapeworm you got from that old ham sandwich, the fungus between your toes... You’re all part of the same domain. In this case (in everyone’s case), it’s eurakyota. However, that’s about to change as you enter the KINGDOM. That athlete’s foot makes a name for itself in the fungi kingdom, while you and the tapeworm become citizens of the animalia. Things are good until you enter the PHYLUM. All of a sudden, that tapeworm decides it’s too good for you (it’s probably right), and gets all platyhelminths on you. Meanwhile, the athlete’s foot becomes part of the ascomycota phylum and you flounce around with the other chordates, flexing your fancy spines. When it comes to CLASS, however, we’ve got it made as mammals. That foot fungus belongs to the eurotiomycetes class, relegating it to the upper echelons of society. Meanwhile, your tapeworm records a solo album

as part of the cestoda class, and you don’t speak for years. All of a sudden, ORDER kicks in. You’re welcomed into the gated community of the primate order. Your athlete’s foot is now one of those uppity onygenales. The tapeworm finds spirituality and joins the cyclophyllidea order. Still, FAMILY first, or so they say. You get to cuddle up with the homonids, while your feet are coated in arthrodermataceae, and your belly is a wriggling mess of taeniidae. We get to the point where we’re at speaking terms after all these years and then GENUS comes and rears its ugly head. The tapeworm decides to become one of those taenia types. The fungus becomes trichophyton and joins a country club. You’ve reached the rank of homo, and resentment continues to grow. But, it’s okay. Once you all reach the final rank of SPECIES, you’re too old to really care about what went on in the past. Your trichophyton rubrum remembers the meaning of friendship and loans you money. The tapeworm releases a book of poorly-written poetry under the species taenia solium. As a homo sapien, you appreciate the canter, but have trouble with the metaphors.

Fun Fuse facts about our feathery friends

Great Horned Owls: These avians have a particular penchant for skunks when it comes to choice of prey. Their barbed feathers give them silent flight. Blue Jays: These chatty irritations do not actually have blue feathers - simply black and white. The blue we perceive is created by light passing through their translucent barbed layers which is then absorbed by melanin. The phenomenon is similar to why we see the sky as blue. Parrots: Specifically macaws and cockatoos could possibly outlive their human. Amongst the 300 different breeds of parrots, a lifespan can range anywhere from 35-95 years old.

THESE ANIMALS ARE ALL MIXED UP! CAN YOU HELP THE PUZZLOR FIX THEM?

Peregrine Falcons: These guys are the most common and widely distributed birds in the world and are found on every continent except Antarctica. Watch for them flying high in Downtown London. Robins: These common yard dwellers often flock to fermented berries. After chowing down on large amounts they appear to be drunk and partake in common inebriated behaviours like falling over while walking. Flamingos: Possibly one of the most striking birds in the animal kingdom, the flamingo gets its bright pink/red colouring from the beta-carotene found in the shrimp, plankton, and algae it eats. Without this in their diet, they will turn white or grey.

M EET W IN S T O N , A H A N D S O M E M A N A B O U T T O W N .

A dog-friendly day in London

BY LAURA THORNE

My 3-year old dog, Winston, is more like a loyal sidekick than a pet. Because I don’t take him to work with me (though I could, Innovation Works has a dog-friendly floor!), I like to spend as much time with him as I can on my days off and plan my activities based on where I can take him. Here’s where I head when I want to have a pawsome day with my best furry friend. We start our day with a visit to the Greenway OffLeash Dog Park (50 Greenside Avenue) - a hot spot among sniffers in the know. Winston burns off some energy playing with other dogs, and, as a bonus, their giant bones are totally Insta-worthy. Following the dog park is The Friendly Groomer (6 Stanley Street) to have his nails trimmed, so my downstairs neighbours don’t have to hear clackclack-clack all week long. Next up, we’ll head to either Fire Roasted Coffee Co. (136 Wortley Road) or Black Walnut Bakery Café (134 Wortley Road) and sit on their patio with a coffee. Winston can sniff the dogs that walk by, and we can both enjoy the abundance of people watching Wortley Village offers. Plus, both locations have a water dish out so Winston can have a drink. Now it’s Winston’s turn for a treat, and we’ll stroll down the street to A Village Tail (160 Wortley Road) for new biscuits and maybe a toy if he’s good. To end the afternoon, I’ll head to Anderson Ales (1030 Elias Street) or London Brewing Co-Op (521 Burbrook Place) to enjoy a local beer on their patios with friends and my four-legged pal snoozing away under the table. A perfect day for humans and pups alike!

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London Fuse 24 bathurst Street, London ON, N6b1n7, londonfuse.ca

may 2018 - ISSUE 21 - page 3

INNER FUSE

How do kangaroos jump so high? Is it safe to drink from

T H E K A N G A R O O C O U LD H A V E EA S ILY D U N K ED , B U T T H E R O C K ET T O T A LLY M A D E IT C O O LER .

BY KATIE MORGAN

Let’s face it - everybody loves jumping kangaroos. Their bodies are built for hopping along at impressive speeds and heights. It’s physics made fun! Imagine getting an important and unusual letter in the mail, opening it up and seeing great news. It is so exciting and freaking awesome that you literally jump for joy.

And all of that happens in a split second - without planning, warming up, or wearing special shoes. Kangaroos, of course, don’t need to wear shoes to get off the ground. On the mechanical side, kangaroo’s tendons act like giant springs, and their long tails provide counterweight and balance. That spring in their step (so-to-speak) is called “plosive” or “kinetic” energy. Their bodies just know how to use combinations of muscles and tendons that can push them off the ground and fly through the air up to 30 feet. That’s some locomotion! That first jump requires the most energy for our marsupial pals, because it creates and stores up power and momentum to use for each jump after that. Dynamic! These hip hoppers average about 25 kilometres per hour, but they can nearly triple that for short bursts. But for us human jumpers, it’s less about springing and more about muscles - so we use much more energy getting any hang time. If you want to bring out your inner ‘roo, it helps if your legs and feet are flexible and muscles warmed up and strong. Movements like squats or anything involving bending your knees and using your body weight as resistance will add to your vertical venture. Now the only question is - how do kangaroos keep their babies in their pouches while they’re jumping? My guess? Inertia.

A P R IL C R O S S W O R D A N S W ER S

the toilet?

BY GERARD CRECES

Here at Short Fuse, we ask the hard-hitting questions that matter so we can give London the answers it deserves. My kitties love nothing more than sticking their entire heads and/or paws into the toilet and drinking to their hearts content. That’s why I’ve scoured the world (wide web) to find out if drinkin’ from the terlit is safe. My philosophy? Animals love cool, running water. Lifting the toilet lid (but not the seat, amiright fellas?) is a great source of fresh water. Or is it? Our investigative team found a few main risks for cats getting their drank-on from the stank-on. 1 - E-coli If you don’t clean the toilet too often, these coliforms can build up and make your pets sick. Buy yourself a toilet brush. 2 - Cleaning products If you use bleach or other chemicals to clean the can, you

Where to adopt your new best friend BY NICOLE BORLAND Bringing a pet into your home can be a big decision, but it can also be one of the best ones you ever make. An even bigger decision can be how or where it is you decide to find your new best friend. Should you find a breeder? Hit the pet store? Or, should you adopt? Adoption - whether through one of the many fantastic agencies here in London, scouring the pages of your favourite online classified site, or finally welcoming that loving stray who hangs out on your porch into your home - can be one of the greatest joys possible

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need to be sure they are flushed absolutely clean before your pets lap it up. 3 - Toilet pucks That disc you drop in your toilet tank may keep the bowl daisy fresh, but if you wouldn’t drink those chemicals, neither should your pets. Ultimately, the best bet for your best pet is keeping their water bowls clean and fresh. Still, if we go by taste test, toilet water seems to be the most delicious nectar of all. My cat totally thinks so! Being a trusting person, I’m going to take his word on that.

when adding to your family. If you are or have thought about adopting a furry friend, check out some of these grade A places right here in the Forest City. 1-Cats R Us / The Catty Shack 765 Windemere Road www.cats-r-us.ca This organization is a volunteer driven non profit that rescues London’s lost, stray, abandoned, and feral kitties. The rescues are given medical attention, they’re socialized, and then made available for adoption. Your new best friend may be just up the hill. 2-London Humane Society 624 Clarke Road CONTINUED ON PAGE 4

760 Dundas Street East

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London Fuse 24 bathurst Street, London ON, N6b1n7, londonfuse.ca

may 2018 - ISSUE 21 - page 4

SHORT FUSE WoRd Up

ACROSS 1 1 - Pet’s water fountain? 7 - Dollar for dollar 12 12 - Connected 13 - Mould 14 - Did a classic yoyo trick 14 16 - Moustache topper 18 - Chill 16 19 - Sex drive 22 - Put up with 24 - Cheap smokes brand 26 - Stopping four-door? 31 - Sax-man Parker 32 - Final Countdown continent 28 33 - Flicker? 34 - Gums up DOWN 31 1 - Bigger than a village, smaller than a city 33 2 - Japanese paper company 3 - Sicknesses 4 - Shield-eaters in Hyrule 5 - Suffix for unsaturated hydrocarbons 6 - One half of Wyld Stallyns 7 - Knocked the heater off a smoke 8 - Who the champions have no time for 9 - ____wan - Jedi in training

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10 - __ ___ upon your household! 11 - Arch and Jug’s pal 15 - Prefix for three 20 - Dolt 21 - Michael Jackson song about a rat 22 - Falsely accused Canadian Maher ____

23 - Romanian river 25 - Goings on 26 - Yawn wide 27 - Singles 28 - German auto company 29 - Shiny stone 30 - Unfortunate boy’s name

Choosing the right pet adoption service FROM PAGE 3 www.londonhumanesociety.ca The London Humane Society has been rescuing abandoned and mistreated animals while providing temporary shelter prior to adoption since 1899. They advocate for animal welfare and educating the public about related issues. Visit them today and see all the beautiful dogs, puppies, cats, kittens, and “cuddly critters” in need of a loving home right now. 3-Purrfect Cat Haven Rescue www.facebook.com/purrfectcathavenrescue This local non profit has been at it since May of 2017. Endeavouring to control the feral and stray cat population in London, they rescue, spay/neuter, vaccinate, treat for fleas, and deworm every

one of the little love muffins that come through their door. With extremely affordable adoption fees, Purrfect Cat Haven maybe your ticket to pet paradise. 4-Animal Love Foundation www.animallovefoundation.org Since 1994, this volunteer run organization has assisted in helping more than 10,000 animals find new, loving homes. They do not have a physical shelter so all animals are fostered before permanent adoption. Check them out online to see where the next adoption event will take place or consider becoming a foster. It’s one of the most important aspects of making sure animals find those fur-ever homes they deserve.

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Contact: Nicole Borland [email protected] 519-614-7125

London Fuse 24 bathurst Street, London ON, N6b1n7, londonfuse.ca